They had taken away Luke's body.

His body.

Sky's stomach turned into a tight, cold knot at those words. What was in that black body bag, wasn't Luke anymore, like Kat hadn't been Kat anymore when she'd been lying on the cold, tiled floor in a pool of blood. It was just a lump of meat, an empty shell, where nothing, nothing of Luke remained.

Luke's wide, wild smile was gone. His smart, witty remarks, the way he had flipped his hair behind his shoulder or his ear, his dark sense of humor, his dirty jokes, the warmth of his hand in hers, gone, gone, all gone.

Sky sat on the back porch, her arms wrapped around her body, hugging herself as if she was scared that her insides would fall out if she let go. She kept breathing in the cold air that had dried the tears on her cheeks, counting to four with inhales, six with outhales, but it didn't help, her breathing was shaky, her lungs were filled with salty water and she was drowning.

The night was silent. Everyone had left by now.

Some people had fled the scene already when they had been waiting for the paramedics, but most had stayed, helplessly watching as Cody tried to do CPR on Luke with Tom and Miguel's help. Silently sobbing they had witnessed every attempt fail. It was too late, Luke had taken too much, there was nothing to be done—

Luke was dead. And nothing could change that.

Sky was shivering in her T-shirt and sweats. The night was cold and she had been here in the backyard forever. Years had passed during these hours, whole lifetimes had flashed in her eyes in these midnight minutes. The effect of the Oxy was beginning to wear off and the low that hit Sky was worse than anything in a very long time. It was a hollow, aching hopelessness that threatened to kill her, and there was nothing that would help, nothing but another pill, but no, no, no, no, no, she was never going to do drugs again!

Had she not pressured Luke into giving her drugs, then maybe he hadn't taken a pill then either, and then maybe he wouldn't have overdosed—

The guilt was crushing.

She had been totally fucking oblivious, having sex with Cody while Luke had been dying downstairs.

How could I leave him alone? I knew he was high, he was sad, he was suffering and I fucking left him. I left him. I left him!

She had only been thinking about herself, as always, her stupid anxiety and her stupid relationship drama and her stupid, stupid fucking issues instead of thinking about Luke and what he needed, instead of helping him, and then, just like that Luke was gone and it was her fault, her fault, her fault, just like Kat's death was her fault, like everything was her fault and she should just kill herself because this world would be a better place if she didn't exist at all.

People were dead because of her. How was she supposed to live with that?

It should have been me. It should have been me instead of Kat, instead of Luke, me, not them—

The back door opened, and someone stepped on the porch. Sky took a shaky inhale and turned to look, wiping her cheeks.

It was Cody.

"Hi—" His voice was soft and silent. "Your Dad asked me to get you."

He leaned on the doorway, looking absolutely miserable. His dark hair was a complete mess, his eyes red-rimmed, his cheeks bright burning spots on his otherwise pale face. He was still barefoot but had found a T-shirt somewhere. It wasn't his, Sky realized. It was one of Dad's, a worn gray shirt with the text In Vino Veritas, and it was way too big for Cody, it hung loose on his delicate frame.

Sky didn't answer, but got up slowly, avoiding Cody's eyes.

Now that the drug was wearing off, the things she had done and said were coming back to her like mold that creeps on rotting wood. Oh God, she had told Cody she loved him, and while it wasn't exactly a lie, it wasn't the whole truth either, and by the look on his face, he knew it too.

I need to apologize to him—

But how do you apologize for something like that? How do you take back I love you? It would crush Cody, it would kill him, and Sky couldn't do that to him, she couldn't lose him too, not now, not now that everything was falling apart.

"Cody, I—" she tried to lay a hand on his arm, but he avoided her touch by taking a quick step back. Feeling how her chest clenched tight, tight, squeezing the air out of her lungs, Sky let her hand fall.

"Let's talk about it tomorrow," Cody rasped. "I can't— I can't do this tonight."

"Okay." Her voice was barely audible. "Okay. You're right."

Stiffly, he turned around and walked into the house, and taking a slow, deep breath of the cold night air, Sky followed.

Dad was in the kitchen.

He had arrived some time ago, after Sky had called him in panic, crying her eyes out. He had been just in time to see how the paramedics had closed the black body bag and pushed Luke's body out of the house on a stretcher, and just in time to answer all the questions the authorities had.

Sky had silently slipped into the backyard while Dad had been talking to the police. If anyone wanted to question her about what had happened, at least it wasn't happening tonight - probably thanks to Dad. He had a way with people, she knew. Dad had saved her ass countless times when she'd been getting in trouble with Kat—

Kat, who was gone, and whose death was her fault, just like Luke's death was her fault too.

Utterly strengthless, Sky sank down into a chair. Cody didn't follow her into the room, but stayed by the door, leaning on the doorway. He was so still and silent he resembled a statue.

Sky turned her eyes down, stared at the table through her tears, seeing nothing. All she could see was Luke - his lifeless eyes, his bare arm that was covered in needle holes and self-harm wounds, his black boots, the strands of pink hair that curled around his a bit pointed ears as he lay on the floor— and Cody, who fell on his knees next to Luke, yanking up his chin to breath air into his lungs, again and again and again, tears flowing down his face as he refused to give up.

"Sky—"

She screwed her eyes shut, to stop the burning tears but it did no good. They ran down her face and splashed onto the table nevertheless, burning hot on her cheeks.

"Take this. It'll make you feel better."

Sky forced her eyes open. Dad was standing next to her, offering her a cup of hot chocolate. The rich, sweet smell filled the kitchen and made her stomach turn.

"No, I– I can't—" she protested, but determinedly Dad laid the cup on the table in front of her and took a seat across the table, letting out an exhausted breath.

"Drink it. I know you took Oxy too. The low is going to hit you soon, if it hasn't already, and you're going to need the sugar."

Sky's eyes snapped up, she glanced at Cody, who simply shrugged and said: "Yeah, I told him. He needs to know."

He was still standing in the doorway, but now had a cup of steaming hot chocolate in his hands too. Dad must have made some for all of them - that's what he usually did when things went haywire. He strongly believed that coffee or hot chocolate could fix everything, and Sky was too tired to protest. She started sipping on her hot chocolate, even if the taste made her nauseous.

The tears kept running, her breathing was fast, ragged painful, but— maybe it was a good thing that Dad knew the truth. She was so exhausted, so shocked that she didn't even care. If Dad decided to send her back into rehab, she would go willingly - considering that place would even take her back. She hoped they would. At least there no one knew who she was and what she had done. She could spend the rest of her days watching hummingbirds, taking care of horses, and making crappy watercolor paintings of her feelings. No one would know she was a murderer, the messed-up girl who got her friends killed.

But no, no, no— sudden pain took her breath away. She couldn't go back there, not now, not anymore, because it wouldn't be the same without Luke. And Luke was dead, he was gone, and it was her fault, her fault, her fault—

"I asked Luke to give it to me," she breathed, her voice breaking. "Cody had nothing— nothing to do with it."

"I know," Dad replied silently. "He told me. Now, drink your chocolate."

The hot chocolate tasted like tears, but Sky did as Dad told her, and drank. Her hands holding the cup kept trembling, and she spilled some on the table, but no one cared. The kitchen was a mess anyway - empty beer cans, used plates and glasses and half-eaten pieces of cake lay scattered everywhere. Sky didn't even want to think about cleaning up this mess, she didn't care. In silence, she finished her hot chocolate and placed the cup on the table. Everything inside of her was aching, broken, destroyed. She couldn't stop the tears that just kept running.

"I'm sorry— Dad, I'm so sorry— This– is all my fault—"

"I know. I know you're sorry." Dad was silent for a while, swallowing hard and Sky could see how his hand gripped the hot chocolate cup so tight his knuckles went white. "And I am mad. I'm disappointed. I'm sad, I'm absolutely heartbroken— but Sky– I know you're all of those things too. You– you just lost a friend. I'm not gonna yell at you."

The tears formed rivers on Sky's cheeks, on her neck. She was drowning in them, in the pit in her stomach. Disappointed. Sad. Mad. Heartbroken— those words were the understatement of the year. Dad didn't know how she felt. She felt like her heart was carved out of her chest, like this was the end of the world, like she would never be able to breathe again.

She wanted to die, more than in a long, long time. She wished she was the one in that black body bag instead of Luke.

"He didn't want to die—" Sky breathed. "It was— an accident. He— he didn't mean to do it."

"He OD'd. There's nothing more to it. That's— that's how my mom died—" Cody's silent, raspy voice made Sky turn to look at him. He was still standing in the doorway, holding the cup in his pale, trembling hands. "My birth mom. And— and Carol too. Though— I don't know, maybe Carol wanted to kill herself after what happened. When JD went to jail."

"Oh, Cody—" Sky's heart was breaking for him. She hadn't spared a thought to Cody's feelings, to how traumatizing this must be for him too, and that made her feel even worse.

"Who is Carol?" asked Dad.

"My aunt. I– I used to live with her when I was little." Cody's voice was broken, sad. He swallowed hard before he could continue. "Can I— can I stay here for the night? I– I can't go home like this. My parents— my foster parents— they'll lose it. And I just— I can't take that tonight. Please."

"Of course, you can stay," said Dad without a moment's hesitation, and Sky had never loved him more. After everything that had happened, he was still the rock for everyone else to lean on. "Now, finish your drinks, and get changed. I'll go make the beds."

The reaper had walked through this house, leaving cold footprints, and they could still feel the death lingering in the shadows and the corners. None of them wanted to sleep alone, so in a silent agreement, they all went to Dad's bedroom, the safest place they could think of.

Dad got the mattress from the storage room and made a bed for Cody on the floor. Sky slept in Dad's bed just like countless times before, when she had been small, when she had woken up in a nightmare in the middle of the night, when she had been scared of the monsters under her bed, and later— when Kat had died. After getting home from the hospital, Sky had slept in Dad's bed for weeks.

She didn't think she would fall asleep. She kept seeing moving figures in the shadows, tall, dark, hooded creatures that would take away her soul too, but sometime in the hours past midnight, Sky drifted into a restless sleep. Her dreams were anxiety-filled images, flashbacks of Matt, of the gunshot, of Kat, bleeding on the floor. Luke's death was still too recent to make it to her dreams, but the emotion it had caused stayed with Sky, sending her from one horror to another.

In the early hours of the morning Sky woke up.

It was still dark outside, but she felt that the sun would be up soon. Dad was sleeping by her side, snoring softly, but it wasn't that what had woken her up. She heard someone sobbing in the darkness and slowly she sat up in the bed, wiped the hair that had gotten stuck to her sticky, salty cheeks, back behind her ears.

Cody.

Silently Sky slipped out of the bed and walked around it following the sound of muffled sobs. It was so dark she could barely see Cody, but she knelt on the carpet next to his makeshift bed and laid a hand on where she thought his shoulder was.

He was trembling under her touch. His breathing came in short, ragged sobs and gasps as he tried to silence them by hiding his face in the pillow.

Sky laid her palm against his hot skin under the sheets, trying to give him some comfort. Her heart hurt for him, she felt his pain as if it was her own. All she had wanted for him, was an amazing birthday, and now—

She had ruined everything, had broken his heart, and then— and then gotten Luke killed. What it must have done to Cody, she couldn't even imagine.

He kept crying, and without a word Sky slipped under the sheets, out of the cold air into the heat his body had created, and buried her face between his shoulder blades, wrapping an arm tight around his waist. He was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts, his shirtless shoulder against her cheek was lean and hot, burning as if there was a fire inside of his body.

He didn't push her away. He didn't ask her to go. After a while, a long, shaky breath left his lips, and Sky felt his body relaxing in her arms, felt the tension slowly easing.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, brushing her lips against his skin. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry everything went wrong."

He didn't reply, but a bit awkwardly turned around in her arms, so that they were facing in the darkness. It took a moment of squirming to get their legs to entwine instead of knees knocking into each other, but soon their bodies found a comfortable position. His arm was thrown around her waist, her hand pressed against his chest so that she could clearly feel his rapid heartbeat under the lean muscle and hot skin. His alcohol and hot-chocolate-flavored breath fanned her lips. It came in broken sobs and strained exhales as his tears kept flowing.

He pulled her closer, so that his lips were almost touching hers, and let out a long, trembling sigh. "Sky— about us—"

"Cody, no—" Sky breathed. "Not now. Tomorrow."

"It is tomorrow. The sun is gonna be up soon." He paused as if to search for words, but his arm was still around her body, keeping her close against his lean chest. "Just— let me finish, okay?"

Sky felt her lips trembling. In the darkness Cody's face was all shadows, she couldn't see him clearly even if they were this close - but she didn't need to. She could smell his sadness, the salt of his tears.

"I was so happy— for like an hour." His words went straight to Sky's heart like an arrow. "It was the happiest hour of my life. And— and it was just a lie."

"Cody— I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I ruined it—"

"But I want it back. God, I want it back so much. The thing is… You can lie to me. You can cheat on me. You can rip my heart out of my chest. And I still can't stop loving you. I won't walk away from you until you tell me you don't want me anymore."

Sky had started crying as he talked, and her tears rolled silently down her cheek, soaking the pillow, but she didn't bother to wipe them. Instead, she brought a hand to his cheek and his face was wet too, she smelled his tears in the air she breathed, heard them in the strangled sound of his voice. His tears were hot on her cold fingers, his face all sharp angles and smooth planes under her touch.

Sky knew the right thing to do was to end this now. To tell him that when the sun got up, he needed to leave, that she couldn't be with him anymore because he was good and beautiful and perfect, but she was rotten and bad to the very foundations of her soul. What she had done to him tonight was horrible.

But he loved her, against all reason and sense, he fucking loved her, even after what she had done and said, after all her lies and her flaws and her stupid decisions, he still loved her, he was still here for her, and it was the only thing keeping her together. She kissed his cheeks softly, brushed her chapped lips against the soft skin of his cheek and the taste of his tears was familiar, it eased the ache in her chest, it reminded her of the times he had visited her in rehab, when he had told her his secrets and she had told him hers, and they had cried in each other's arms.

What Luke had said was true - no one normal would ever love her. She was too damaged, too broken, too fucked up for that. But Cody was just as broken as she was, and he loved her, loved her, loved her even when she was at her worst.

"You are too good for me," she said because it was true. "You deserve better."

He was silent for a short moment, his fingers playing in her hair, brushing through her curls as if it gave him comfort but when he finally spoke, his words were nothing but shadows in the darkness, they had no light, no hope, no happiness. He spoke as if he was dead already.

"No. I think I'm getting exactly what I deserve."