Nearly seven years ago, I wrote a stupid If My Heart Had Wings story in exactly 3,200 characters. Well, it is 2024, and I'm upping the ante. Due to my recent interest in Neptunia, I wrote this story in exactly double the characters, 6,400. Just like last time, you will probably think I am high on something.
One day, in rural South Africa, a young woman was mining in her local mine shaft, being chased by rock crabs. She was very low on health and knew this was going to be the end if she were not rescued. She screamed for help but knew her efforts would be fruitless. She was eighty floors down, and nobody would rescue her. Suddenly, a young blue man came down at the last second and killed off all the enemies attacking the girl. After being rescued, the girl introduced herself to the man as Plutia. The man eyed her up and down, before announcing himself as Owen. They exchanged a quick hug and rubbed their beards together before setting off. The girl needed to be home by sundown, otherwise her dad would be bringing out the pet tortoise on her again. Owen quickly swooped in like the hero he is and grabbed the hand of Plutia, pulling her to parts unknown. Owen had been studying Plutia all his life and knew exactly where she lived. After a few hours of treacherous traveling, which included a difficult Amazon River crossing that nearly left Plutia without eyelashes, they reached a railroad crossing. Owen wanted to protect Plutia, so he began crossing first to make sure the crossing was safe when he was suddenly struck by a train traveling at seven billion kilometers per hour. Plutia had to act fast and quickly sprung into gear. Luckily, Plutia could catch up to the train, running at a speed of seven billion and one kilometers per hour. She ripped the disturbingly disfigured body of Owen from the front of the train and they continued on their journey. They were about halfway to their destination and happened to run into a young female with long, black twin tails. She seemed lost, so they allowed her to tag along after she threatened to summon six hundred ice cream trucks and smash Plutia and Owen with them. This girl introduced herself as Noire and explained where she lived, she happened to live near where Plutia lived. They continued, getting much closer to the poor, South African village where Plutia and Noire lived. In the next town, they ran into a person taking photographs of some bioswales. This man slowly turned to face the trio, and once he made eye contact with Noire, her heart stopped in her chest. She could not describe this feeling at all, but she knew her world had changed at that exact moment. It was as she made eye contact with this still unnamed man, she knew this was love at first sight. Noire begged Plutia and Owen to let this person join on the adventure, and they agreed. The man introduced himself as Billie and they continued on the home stretch to reach the village. The quartet reached an abandoned basketball court, and all four of them knew what it meant. It meant it was time for a basketball match with some jaguars. The jaguars entered the court with their jerseys already on, giving them an advantage while the quartet still had to put theirs on. Once they got their jerseys on, they sprung into action. The Jaguars were up six to nothing at this point and had possession. Plutia walked up to a jaguar and gave them her puppy dog eyes. She asked very nicely to have the basketball, to which the jaguar obliged. This was their fatal flaw, as Plutia was able to pass the ball to Noire who made a quick layup. The jaguars took the ball, but quickly tripped on a hornet nest, angering the swarm. While the jaguars were distracted by the hornets, Owen was able to take the ball and pass it to Billie, who made an incredible slam dunk. There were only five seconds left in the game, so they needed to act quickly. Plutia had the ball and quickly passed it to Owen, who was open and in three point range. Owen shot and the ball hit the rim a few times in a nail biting buzzer beater. The shot landed, securing a seven to six win for our adventurers. They left the jaguars to die from hornet stings and Plutia even called their mothers to tell them what bad jaguars they were. Nighttime was quickly approaching, but they were almost in the village. Due to the darkness, Noire did not notice she was about to walk straight off a cliff, and Billie quickly reached out and pulled her back to safety. Realizing her life had just been saved, the butterflies Noire was feeling before only got stronger as she looked up at her hero, but was quickly pulled back to reality as they realized the sun was nearly set. Luckily for them, the village was just up ahead. They made a mad dash, but Plutia was getting tired. It was nearly past her bedtime so she changed into her pajamas as she ran. Running became too much of a challenge for Plutia, so she fell to the ground, causing Owen to run back and carry the sleepy Plutia the rest of the way to the village as she brushed her teeth. Just after entering the village, Noire ran in front of Billie and took his hand, falling onto her knee. She told Billie how she felt about him, how she wanted to revolve her entire life around him, about how every drop of sweat, every ounce of blood, was screaming for Billie, how she wanted to pull his skin open and crawl inside of him, and eventually asked him to marry. Before Billie could properly answer, he was hit by a car because the village was full of reckless drivers. Noire was heartbroken, she never got her twin tails yanked like she wanted. Noire went completely psychotic at this point, killing three innocent people, breaking two hula hoops, and ultimately taking her own life. Plutia and Owen simply shrugged their shoulders and continued. Owen set Plutia back down as they finally found the house, but it was too late. The sun had set around the time Noire took her life. Standing outside of the house was an older gentleman, in his hands he held a small tortoise. The tortoise was vicious and clearly out for blood. It leaped towards Plutia, Plutia bracing herself for the impending tortoise attack. Suddenly, she felt herself being pushed out of the way by Owen. Owen was viciously attacked by the tortoise as Plutia begged for her father to stop. Her father finally called the tortoise back into the house, as Plutia checked to see if her hero was okay. As Owen sat up, he felt Plutia place her lips against his, both of them sharing their first kiss. They parted from the warm kiss and stared at each other. Then the jaguars from earlier came back and ate both Owen and Plutia as they shared a final resting place in the stomachs of hungry jaguars.
...Never do drugs, kids. xD