CHAPTER FIVE
Meanwhile, the Cactus Man was driving a bus of his own. Minnie, Roger, Billy, The Bash Street Kids, Desperate Dan, Gnasher, Gnipper and Rasher were all in the seats awaiting their doom.
They all had handcuffs on (Billy had handcuffs on his ankles too) and Gnasher and Gnipper had nuzzles on.
The Cactus Man was wearing a grey business suit on, along with a fake looking toupee and mustache. He called himself Steve Prickly, head of Prickly Child Obedience Association.
"With this disguise, the foolish authorities won't recognize me," he cackled with glee. "All you kids will be back at the Home, Dan and Granny, you will do time and as for the animals…. hee hee, Gnasher and Gnipper will be back at the pound and Rasher will be at the abattoir."
Rasher sat there, sad at this news. All the passengers sat on the bus in despair. No-one could help them now.
But when the bus arrived at the Home and it turned out that Dennis and his army had already arrived.
The rebels all stood in front of the building.
The Cactus Man stopped his bus and stormed out of it. He looked at Dennis and his army ready to fight.
"What in the Sam Hill is this?" demanded the Cactus Man.
"Let our friends go, Cactus Man!" cried Dennis. There's plenty of us and only one of you!"
All of the passengers on the bus smiled. They were so happy that the cavalry had come.
"On the contrary," began The Cactus Man. "GUARDS!"
The rather nasty guards of the Home burst out with pipes, spanners and sledgehammers.
There was 40 of them. They surrounded Dennis' army.
"Have fun, kids," cackled the CactusMan.
Just then, something really gross hit him right in the face. It was a dirty nappy.
"Ugh! WHO THREW THAT?" he barked.
"WE'S DID!" cried Cuddles.
From around the Cactus Man and his bus, the people of Dandytown appeared; Cuddles, Dimples, Blinky, Beryl The Peril, Dianah Mo, Sneaker, Bully Beef and Chips, Brain Duane, Korky and the Kits, Winker Watson and his class, Desperate Dan's aunt and uncle and Bananaman.
The Cactus Man was speechless.
"Everyone, attack!" ordered Bananaman and everyone all ran over to the guards.
A massive battle royale began with the guards trying to hit the citizens with their weapons and the people fighting back.
Minnie, Roger and the other passengers ran out of the bus and Aunt Aggie had a steel cutter. She broke all the kids' handcuff chains, plus Granny's.
Aunt Aggie was about to cut the chain of Dan's handcuffs until Dan held his hand up.
"No need, Aunt Aggie," he said as he used his strength to pull apart the chain from his cuffs.
The others looked at him with their hands covering their faces.
"What?" asked Dan.
"You mean all this time you could've done that earlier so we might have a chance of... oh, forget it!" groaned Roger.
He and the other prisoners left the bus to join the other kids in the battle.
"Also why didn't he use his strength to get us out of the quicksand earlier?" asked Roger.
"Well, our Dan isn't the brightest, but he has a heart," said Aggie.
Sneaker also wanted to point out a plot hole in this story.
"Also, why didn't the Catus Man use very strong iron cuffs so that Dan couldn't..."
THWACK! One of the guards punched him right in the face. Well, Sneaker did have it coming.
Dennis took off Gnasher and Gnipper's nuzzles and the guards were for it now as their bottoms got the gnashing and gnipping of a life time.
Dennis was spraying the guards with his super soaker of out of date custard. He then took off the strap of the other super soaker and threw it to Minnie. She caught it and began firing like a maniac. The smell was unbearable. Rasher didn't mind though.
Dennis then threw one of his water pistols at Roger. He caught it and just as he was about to have his fun, Cruncher appeared behind him.
"Hello, Slodger," he said as he snatched the pistol off Roger. "Thought you could squirt me, will the glove is on the other hand, now."
He pointed the pistol at Roger and pulled the trigger and instead of the custard coming out of the front of the pistol, it came out from the back and sprayed all over Cruncher's face. He coughed and gagged of the smell.
Sneaker went over to Roger with admiration.
"Ah, the old backwards pistol sneak, never gets old. Sink sink" he said.
Dennis then took off his belt of pea shooters and a bag of peas and threw them at the Bash Street kids. They all caught the belt, took out the pea shooters, opened the bag of peas and went wild. The guards were all pelted with frozen peas. Fatty tried to eat some of the peas, but they were too frozen for him, so he couldn't eat them.
Smiffy had difficulty firing his pea shooter because was using the wrong end.
Erbert was going nuts yelling "Take that! And that!" whilst firing peas.
"Erbert, you're firing at our team!" yelled Danny.
Just then Blinky came over.
"Hey, can I join in," he asked Erbert.
"Sure," said Erbert as he passed him a pea shooter and some peas and Blinky began firing at his own team too.
"I don't know why, but we have a lot in common," said Erbert.
Aunt Aggie had brought along her cow-pies with her and Desperate Dan began firing them at the guards. Pie-Face came along and started to eat one.
"Good pie, Aunt Aggie," he said.
"That's Aunt Aggie's home cooking for ya," said Dan's uncle, "Nuthin' but the best."
Ball Boy and his friends were kicking their balls at the guards.
"Ow! Ow! That 'urt! Mumsy! Boo Hoo!" they wailed.
Winker Watson and his class had cream pies at the ready.
"Alright, chaps, give 'em what for!" he cried. "Fire!"
They all launched their cream pies at the guards.
"Ah, nothing beats a classic cream pie fight," said Watson.
"Excuse me," asked Fatty. "Are you gonna use all those cream pies?"
Bully Beef was fighting, not the guards, but Chips.
"Beef, you're supposed to be fighting the guards, not me!" said Chips.
"Its more fun fighting you, cos you're weak!" laughed Beef. Just then about 5 big guards surrounded them. Beef was shaking with fear at the size of these giants.
"Awight, Lee Evans and Moe Howard," said one of the guards as he crunched his knuckles.
Chips then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was as if as though he was meditating.
The guards looked at each other with confusion.
"Oi, shorty. What are ya playin' at?" one of them asked.
Lee put his hands together and very calmly…
THWACK! WHACK! POW! ZACK! THWOP! BOP! POW! OOFF!
The guards all laid there on top of each other in a pile, out cold. Chips just stood there out of breath. Beef looked at him and ran away in terror.
Cruncher had wiped the custard off his face and chased after Roger. When he caught with him, he rugby tackled him.
"You're for it now, Slodger," he barked.
"Letz wressle!" cried Cuddles and Dimples as they grabbed onto Cruncher and started to wrestle with him. They grabbed his head and started slamming it onto the ground. Then Bea came over and joined in the fun. Cuddles and Dimples started to admire her.
"Hey, you cool, Dennis sister," said Dimples.
Bea cooed typical baby talk back at them.
"She no talk Queen's English though," said Cuddles looking concerned.
Just then Cruncher grabbed the babies by the clothes. He rose the tots up to his angry face.
"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU LIL' BRATS ARE GOIN' TO PAY!"
The babies were all in fear.
That was until, someone tapped Cruncher on the shoulder. He turned around and got the shock of his life.
The Three Bears were standing right in front of him. They all looked very angry.
"Oh, teddy bears," cooed Bea.
Ted took the babies from Cruncher and Pa Bear and Ma Bear grabbed Cruncher and took him away. He whimpered in fear.
Ted covered the babies' eyes and cringed as he heard the sounds of…..
THWACK! BOOM! THWACK! BOOM! BAFF! THUMP! POUND! BOFF!
Cruncher then walked away with two black eyes and very little teeth.
"What goes around, comes around Cruncher," said Roger.
Duane had his remote control to zap most of the guards and hold them in a beam. Whilst they were caught in the beam, he walked to a wall and began whacking the guards against it.
Dinah-Mo was punching the guards underneath the chin so hard, that they flew out of their clothes and landed on the ground in their vests and shorts. Desperate Dan was impressed by her strength.
Bananaman was firing his banana-zooka at the guards. Which fired…. ah, you don't care.
The Kits were fighting, not the guards, but Gnasher, Gnipper and Winston the school cat. Dennis and Korky came over to break up the fight.
"Alright, stop that now," demanded Korky.
"Aw, uncle Korky, we were just having fun," said one of the kits. "We've made a new friend, Winston."
Beryl The Peril was standing on top of Rasher and she holding onto a broom. As Rasher ran past the guards, Beryl was tripping them all up. Minnie couldn't help but be admired.
"That is so cool," she exclaimed.
The Softies were spraying the guards with perfume and grossing them all out with their teddies, dollies and softiness.
"Oh chums, what fun we are having," said Walter.
The grossed out guards all sat on the ground. The power of the softies had put these tough guards right off.
"It's too soft for me!" one of them cried.
"I can't bear the softiness!" cried another.
The Softies had a huge paper chain at the ready.
"When you're ready, Billy," said Walter.
Billy Whizz grabbed the end of the chain and zoomed around the guards at top speed tying them up. The guards were trapped.
"Oh no, a softy paper chain!" they cried.
Meanwhile, the families of the kids were having a fun time fighting the guards with golf clubs, tennis rackets, cricket bats, you name it.
Ivy was on her space hopper. She started to bounce on top of the guards' heads on a row, but when she got to the end, it was The Cactus Man. As the bottom of Ivy's space hopper landed on top of the Cactus Man's head, it deflated. And the Cactus Man grabbed Ivy by the shirt.
At that moment, everyone stopped and looked at them.
"MUMMY!" cried Ivy.
"Let go of my daughter!" cried Ivy's mum.
"Throw down your weapons and I will!" demanded the Cactus Man.