Chapter 41

Six weeks later

Seventy two.

There were seventy two floor planks in the room that Lottie sat in. She stared at the floor, head down, eyes not focussed on anything in particular now she grew bored of counting floor planks. She had been sat in the room for thirty minutes on her own with no idea how much longer she would have to wait. She felt numb. Now 17-years-old, the open door to escaping 16 which she craved for so long was wide open, and it meant nothing to her now. It felt sick, dark and cold. Her birthday celebration had been a dull affair. Just a trip to town and a bit of birthday cake with family was all that was on the agenda. She couldn't handle anymore than that and everyone understood completely. She still had issue with listening to music and going back to her old self which was difficult for many to understand. The only one who did was Alex.

She moved her right leg to cross it over her left and accidently kicked her cane which clattered against the floor when it fell. She picked it up and sat it on the chair next to her. Although she had been shot, the fall that happened afterwards and Nicholas falling on top of her had done some nerve damage to her left leg so she had to use a cane for a while until the nerves in her leg had improved. She hated it with a passion but there was nothing she could do about it. All the "oh poor you" looks from loved ones and strangers made her cringe.

There was nothing she could do about her outfit either. It was all wrong, nothing like she would wear but the lawyers insisted on it. If she was coming to testify in person at the trial, the jury needed to take her seriously so a black suit was decided. She felt like she was in a straight jacket. She however decided to be her true self with her hair which had grown longer and reverted back to its usually messy curly reddish brown state. There was no way a lawyer was going to tell her how to do her hair or what earrings to wear either. She was kind of thankful that she required the cane as the lawyers did flag wearing heels to give her more of an elegant air but her mother shot that down as ridiculous. Not just because Lottie may go flying as she didn't wear heels but with a leg injury it could cause more harm than good. So flat shoes won the argument. Black plain ones, the lawyers won on.

The sound of the door opening made her jump in her seat and she turned her head to see a woman who had been her guide as well as support whilst at the court house that day. The woman was a good twenty years older than Lottie but she had a relaxed air that put Lottie at ease. She felt that this woman and she were equals and it helped a little.

"They are ready for you now, Lottie."

Lottie picked up the cane and followed the woman through a series of corridors. They got to the entrance of the courtroom where a guard stood.

"This is where I leave you now. Don't forget, if you need to stop then say so and you will be able to leave right away."

Lottie nodded. Sudden flashes of the many discussions and statements she had given in the past couple of months flooded her brain and she began to shake. The woman reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

"You aren't alone in there, remember that."

The guard opened the door and Lottie took a deep breath. She managed to compose herself and her shaking before stepping inside. Before she knew it, she was in the evidence dock, the room full of people watching her. A thin ripple of whispers spread over the hum of the room. She glanced around and she saw so many of her support team that she felt a little better. They all looked tired and seeing her they seemed to become more energised. She felt their hope that she would feel their energy and use it to her advantage. She feared through her statement may bring down that energy. Alex wasn't there which the best thing possible was. Not because she didn't want him there, but because she needed him not to be.

"Please Alex, don't go to the court. I am begging you," Lottie had begged him a week earlier with tears streaming down her face. The two were in his family back garden shaded under an oak tree.

"Why? Make me understand," he had asked as he held her.

"Because I need an anchor. I need something that isn't tainted by this. Mum, dad, Steve, Kate, Ted, they are going to be there if I like it or not. They are going to have to listen to me say things that I haven't shared with them and have that permanently etched in their minds and I can't control that. But this I can. I know that you want to be there for me, but if you really want to be there for me, stay away from the court house. Be in your flat listening to music and learning a series of random facts for you to tell me in a place for me to come to when I need it. I am going to need it desperately. So please, if you respect me or love me in any possible way … don't come."

Alex had kept his promise and a new wave of love for him hit her like a ton a bricks. Then her eyes fell on Nicholas. He looked thinner, there was no denying that but she could see that he was pretending to be frail in his seat. He was trying to control everyone and everything but she wasn't going to let him control her in that room. In that moment she vowed to not break and give him the satisfaction f seeing her crumble. Holly sat nearby easily acting out as the poor ill frail old woman act, their lawyers sat between them. Nicholas locked eyes with her and Lottie only broke the gaze because she had to take two steps up which she had to be careful of given her leg. Thankfully the court had provided her with a chair for her to sit on to rest her leg. She had intended to stand through all of it but now seeing it she was thankful for it.

"Raise your right hand" she was told by someone in the court and was handed a card to read aloud. She did as she was told.

"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

Lottie burst into tears as soon as she re-entered the room she had been placed in before the court room. She did it. It was over now. Now she was alone she could go through all her emotions and it quickly developed into a panic attack. She had managed to somewhat keep everything together in the room with all the eyes on her and all the questions thrown at her. Nicholas's lawyer was the worse making out that she was a predator for hunting Nicholas out which quickly got shut down by others. Everything that she had been through in the course of less than a year flooded her brain as the fog of anxiety and the sounds of screams in her head took over her body. She tried to count the floor planks again to get the fog to clear but it didn't work and soon she couldn't focus to see them. She couldn't breathe and gulped deeply. She ripped off her jacket and dropped it to the floor. That didn't help. She had to get out of the room. Without thinking, or caring for her leg she got to the door as quickly as possible and staggered out the room. She forgot she was on the second floor and as she wondered around for the lift or a set of stairs she got more and more lost. Finally she reached a balcony that overlooked the lobby and could see outdoors from the floor to ceiling windows of the building. The sight of trees swaying in the breeze seemed to work. She collapsed onto a wooden bench seat and waited for her to calm down. A thin cold layer of sweat had developed over her face and only now could she register the air conditioning which made the sweat icy cold all of a sudden. She wiped away the sweat and her tears.

Unexpectedly a water bottle got thrust in front of her face and she looked up to see an older woman smiling at her, offering the water.

"I thought you might need this. I always feel dehydrated after a panic attack. Don't worry yourself, no one else saw you but I did. I wanted to help." Lottie couldn't help but be touched by the gestured and so took the bottle with a soft smile. The woman watched Lottie take a drink before sitting down on the other end of the bench and looking out across the balcony. For a while the two sat in silence watching people come and go. They bared witness to the good, the bad and the ugly emotions that fill a court house each day.

"I make up stories about them," the older woman said out of the blue making Lottie jump slightly. She wasn't expecting the woman to talk to her. There was something warm and calming about the woman which made Lottie feel comfortable about talking to her. Her outfit was just as comforting. Black leggings under and black and white tunic top covered in butterflies and flowers with a long black cardigan over the top. It was formal yet comfortable, something Lottie would trade to wear in a heartbeat.

"I try to give them happy endings in my head for when they leave this dreadful place," the woman continued.

"If only such wishes could come true," Lottie replied gloomily before taking a swig of her water bottle.

"Is it your first time in one of these places?" the woman asked.

"I never want to come back here. Don't even know if me being here has done any good. I probably fucked everything up like everything else I do."

"I doubt that. I think you held yourself with great dignity Lottie. Despite your young age you did very well in there."

Lottie froze for a few seconds before slowly turning to the woman. Suddenly afraid she was press or someone on Nicholas's side. "I have to go," Lottie blurted out and quickly stood up but a sudden pain at the back of her knee stopped her from walking. Only then did she remember she didn't have her cane. The woman reached out to help Lottie sit back down and not fall over.

"No, please don't! I didn't mean to scare you. I've practiced this moment every single day in my head for forty years but giving my speech to a teenage girl instead of a police officer was something I wasn't expecting!" the woman blurt out. Lottie's face fell in shock.

"Gwen?" Lottie asked in almost a whisper. Gwen smiled, tears filling her eyes.

"I would have introduced myself sooner but until the final evidence was brought in, in the form of your statement, our meeting could be used as a sign of corruption. As soon as you left the court, so did I. I just got lucky that you stumbled past me as I went to find you," Gwen explained and Lottie heard the quiver of emotion in her voice.

The two stared at each other in silence not knowing what to say or do. Lottie broke the silence.

"You look so much like Christopher. I should have realised."

Gwen beamed as a tear feel. "No one has said that to me in a long time. Not since my mother …. Thank you." Gwen swallowed to compose herself. "You are the most beautiful creature in the world to me, behind blood family of course. You brought Christopher home. You have no idea how you have changed my life. May God bless you and your brother Lottie. To me you are a saint that Christopher sent to me. You saw him when he was invisible and I will forever be in your debt." Lottie broke in that moment and the two women found themselves embracing.

"I'm sorry what Nicholas and Holly did to you and your family," Lottie said in the embrace.

"Likewise."

After a moment they pulled apart and talked whilst holding hands. Finally, Lottie had someone. Someone who she could talk to who could actually understand what she was thinking and feeling. And so, in the space of a matter of minutes, Lottie support team had grown. Steve was right, Gwen was the strongest person either of them had met and was a new mother figure for the two.

"There you are!" The two women looked around and saw Steve carrying Lottie's jacket and cane. "I went to get you and you were gone. Don't scare me like that," he said before giving Lottie a hug.

"Don't worry Steve, I have her. She's doing great," Gwen explained. Steve sat between the two women.

"So what do think of her then?" Steve asked not being clear who he was speaking to. The two women looked at each other and smiled.

"Beautiful" they said in unison.

"I'm sorry I couldn't introduce you to Gwen sooner. I legally couldn't. But now with all the evidence in and the jury deliberating, we can spend time together. I hope you will join us for dinner tonight Gwen."

"I'd be delighted."

Not long after, they were joined by Ted and Kate as well as Steve and Lottie's parents. As the court room had been emptied the balcony became busier for a while. Steve smiled watching Gwen be introduced to his parents and Gwen sharing her thanks for what he and Lottie had done for her.

"So it's over now?" Lottie asked.

"Until the verdict and sentencing," Ted explained. Lottie's face fell and her brow furrowed. "What is it, petal?"

"I'm just frustrated I think. There is only one more piece of the puzzle and we never found it."

"What piece?" Kate asked.

"The plaque. If Holly was behind the murder then she wouldn't have filled out the application and nor would Nicholas. We know for sure she didn't fill it out because the signature and address were wrong. So who did it?"

"I believe I can answer that question." Everyone turned around to see Liz. "Strictly off the record you understand."

"Liz? It was you?" Gwen asked and Liz nodded. Lottie hadn't been introduced to Liz yet so was glad for the shared information on who this woman was. It was then the puzzle piece appeared in front of her.

"Oh my God, of course! You were the chief supers' secretary in 1986 when the plaque application was submitted to him," Lottie said taken aback by the sudden development.

"That's right. It shook me up a bit seeing my best friend's name on a fallen officer plaque application. I desperately wanted it to be approved but 'rejected' was all I got back from his notes. Now I know it was the cover up that caused it. He never looked over documents I asked for signature on so after the rejection I filled out another one and got him to sign it in person. I didn't put your name on it Gwen as I didn't want them to come after you for my deceit. I also didn't want my name on it to avoid my boss coming for me, or Nicholas. So I put the fake name on it instead. 'Holly'. I had no idea that Nicholas was the real Holly. So I caused some confusion for you all, which I'm so sorry for. I just wanted Christopher to be seen. If I had seen him one last time I would have told him the word I wrote on his plaque. He always wanted to be a bird, free to fly with no limits. I loved him with all my being even if he couldn't love me back in all the ways I wanted. I got the document signed falsely, I used police funds to get the plaque made, I committed fraud and I regret nothing. Your choice to do with that as you will," Liz explained. No one knew how to react to the news.

"Off the record, right?" Ted asked after a moment and Liz nodded. "Not every mystery gets solved entirely. The plaque will be an anomaly through time."

Liz nodded and turned to walk away. "Liz, wait" Gwen called and Liz turned back to her. "We are having Christopher's funeral in two weeks. I really want you to come. You were his family here which makes you mine too." Liz smiled and nodded with a smile.

"I'll be there."

For another hour the group hung around the court house to meet and talk and let the press disperse outside. It was a big case and so the press attention had been full on. Finally they had given up on the day of seeing people come out of the court house and began to head back to their offices.

"Let's get you home sweetheart. A nice hot bath and comfort food I think are in order," Lottie's mother said softly to her daughter and she put an arm around her. Lottie nodded sadly.

"That' might be a problem," Kate said looking at her home.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked.

"The jury have come back. They have a verdict after one hour." Lottie stared at Kate stunned.

"Already? Is that a good sign?"

"We won't know until we go in. Are you ready, Nushka?" Steve asked offering a hand to his little sister. Lottie looked to the court room doors. "You don't have to go back in if you don't want to. There is no shame in walking away."

"I know, but when have you known me to do that Pimm?" she asked and took him hand. He felt her shaking and his warm grip steadied her hand. The two siblings walked into the court room together and remained hold hands through the whole of the verdict.

Seeing Holly and Nicolas in the dock was an interesting experience. The seating area Steve took her to was in the upper balcony so they could see but be out of the way. As they were looking down on the two in the dock, the old couple seemed small and insignificant yet the two had murdered multiple people and destroyed so many lives it was crazy to think of. Steve squeezed Lottie's hand tighter as the judge came out of his quarters and addressed the jury. Then finally the words came.

GUILTY

GUILTY

GUILTY

Every charge came the same word. Several counts of murder, kidnap, unlawful disposal of a body, grievous bodily harm, corruption, perverting the course of justice. The counts kept coming and the same word 'guilty' followed each one. There were cheers, crying and from Lottie a complete lack of feeling of victory for the dehumanising process of the system. People were reaching out to touch her back, shoulders and hands but she couldn't feel it or hear anything. She watched Nicholas fail to react but Holly broke down in tears and shout that she was innocent. Nicholas locked eyes with Lottie as Holly wailed and screamed next to him. He only focused on Lottie and vice versa. Even a guard coming to his side to handcuff him didn't distract Nicholas. Lottie, unexpectedly stood up and watched in silence as he was to be lead away. Then Nicholas did something no one expected. He kissed his fingers and blew her a kiss with a smile on his face.

"See you in my dreams sexy" he yelled up at her. Everyone in the court room lost it and the judge had to do a lot of yelling to calm down everyone in the room and get Nicholas down to the cells quickly. Everyone began to buzz around Lottie and she felt another possible attack coming.

"Leave me alone!" she said loudly and headed for the door. "Please, leave me alone!"

By the time everyone made it outside the court room Lottie was gone.

"Don't worry mum, I know where she is going," Steve said to his concerned mother and pulled out his phone. Alex picked up the call in a couple of rings.