THIS PIECE OF CIVILITY
"I may thank you, Eliza, for this piece of civility. Mr. Darcy would never have come so soon to wait upon me."
Elizabeth had scarcely time to disclaim all right to the compliment before their approach was announced by the door-bell, and shortly afterwards the three gentlemen entered the room. Colonel Fitzwilliam, who led the way, was about thirty, not handsome, but in person and address most truly the gentleman. Mr. Darcy looked just as he had been used to look in Hertfordshire, paid his compliments, with his usual reserve, to Mrs. Collins; and whatever might be his feelings towards her friend, met her with every appearance of composure. Elizabeth merely courtesied to him, without saying a word.
Colonel Fitzwilliam entered into conversation directly, with the readiness and ease of a well-bred man, and talked very pleasantly; but his cousin, after having addressed a slight observation on the house and garden to Mrs. Collins, sat for some time without speaking to anybody. At length, however, his civility was so far awakened as to inquire of Elizabeth after the health of her family. She answered him in the usual way; and, after a moment's pause, added,—
"My eldest sister has been in town these three months. Have you never happened to see her there?"
She was perfectly sensible that he never had: but she wished to see whether he would betray any consciousness of what had passed between the Bingleys and Jane; and she thought he looked a little confused as he answered that he had never been so fortunate as to meet Miss Bennet.
"So fortunate," she said disbelievingly.
She had meant to be civil. Truly, she had. She would swear on her grandmother's good name that she did not intend to start an argument in Charlotte's parlour, especially not on that first day, having just been introduced to Colonel Fitzwilliam.
And she might not have started one if Mr. Darcy had said that he had not chanced upon Jane, or that he had not had occasion to visit, or that their paths had not crossed, or anything else. But he blamed his fortune, and she just had to comment.
"I had not thought that bad luck had anything to do with the lack of contact," she said. "I had been under the impression that choices were made... more out of choice."
Mr. Darcy did not take the first bait and responded only by mumbling something unintelligible.
This might have served to avert the argument had Colonel Fitzwilliam not been nosy.
"What are you talking about?" he inquired.
"Oh, nothing. Just people that you do not know," said Mr. Darcy.
"Nothing," Elizabeth said flatly. "That is, we are talking about people who are nothing to Mr. Darcy, although others might disagree."
"I did not say that," Mr. Darcy said.
"You did not have to," she said.
"You like to misunderstand me," he said.
"Do I?"
This, in turn, distressed Mr. Collins who would not have Lady Catherine's nephews misunderstood, misesteemed, or otherwise mistreated in any manner.
"My cousin has not had the privilege of your superior breeding and education, sir, and can be at somewhat of a disadvantage when trying to comprehend the quickness of your mind," he attempted to explain. "It is not intentional, I am sure."
This served to shunt Elizabeth's irritation more towards Mr. Collins, and the argument with Mr Darcy might still have been avoided. If only Colonel Fitzwilliam knew how to leave well enough alone.
But Colonel Fitzwilliam was rather like his estimable aunt in that he had never left well enough alone in his life. Why would he, if he could meddle in something he understood very little about?
"Oh no, Mr. Collins. My cousin told me that Miss Bennet is remarkably clever," he said. "He insisted that we pay our respects as soon as it might be, so I might meet her."
"Is that so?" Elizabeth asked
"Yes," the Colonel said. "And all the other members of this household," he amended, after a fierce glare from Mr. Darcy.
"I am very surprised that Mr. Darcy would recommend the connection, I had understood that he usually does the opposite," Elizabeth said.
"What do you mean?" the Colonel asked.
"That he usually steers his friends away from people in my sphere."
"What?" Mr. Darcy interjected. "Why do you say so?"
"Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst visited my sister and my aunt in London, and Miss Bingley all but told them that the Bingleys would not continue the acquaintance upon your recommendation because the neighbourhood was so far beneath you all."
"How can that woman go out and say such things out loud?" Mr. Darcy was incensed.
"Easily, I would think. I imagine that she does it all the time." Elizabeth shrugged. "I was not there, I have only the letters from my aunt and my sister to go by. It is possible that she did not state it outright in so many words. It is not her way, she is more likely to smile and utter veiled insults that Jane tried to give a charitable interpretation of. But my aunt was of the opinion that she meant to cut Jane and did."
"For the record, I have not told Miss Bingley to cut your sister," Mr. Darcy said.
"And I suppose you have not told Mr. Bingley to abandon the estate he leased, to leave the unworthy Hertfordshire society behind without a word of farewell to anyone, and to never look back?" Elizabeth's smile was sickeningly sweet.
"I have no authority to tell him to do anything," Mr. Darcy said. "He is a grown man and makes his own decisions."
"But Bingley does depend upon Darcy's advice quite a bit," the Colonel said. "When he was younger he would have made more than one unfortunate marriage and bad investment if not for Darcy. And when we left town he was once again mourning the loss of the latest angel Darcy cautioned him about. Bingley is the sort of a hapless fellow who frequently needs to be warned off fortune hunters."
"Fitzwilliam," Mr. Darcy said.
"Fortune hunters?" Elizabeth said. "And why is it Mr. Darcy's job to figure out who qualifies as one?"
"A cynic like Darcy is much better at it than Bingley," the Colonel said. "Bingley is disposed to like everyone and repent at leisure."
"Whereas Mr. Darcy saves a lot of time when he dislikes everyone at first sight, not knowing anything about them."
"I do not dislike everyone at first sight," Mr. Darcy said.
"Just me then? All right," Elizabeth said. "I can see your point."
"What on earth are you talking about?" the Colonel asked. "From where I stand it looks like Darcy does not dislike you at all. He has had nothing but good things to say about you."
"Oh yes," Elizabeth said. "I am tolerable."
"Tolerable?" Mr. Darcy asked.
"But dancing with me would be a punishment."
"We have had rather pleasant weather lately," said Charlotte abruptly, hoping to change the subject. Mr. Darcy paid her no heed and focused on Elizabeth.
"I have asked you to dance several times," he said.
"And he is still among the living," the Colonel said cheerfully.
"Cousin, you must remember your station," Mr. Collins said. "It is very good of these gentlemen to honour us by visiting the parsonage today but a young woman of your situation cannot expect any particular courtesies from such exalted personages as her ladyship's relations."
"Certainly not," Elizabeth said. "I would never expect any courtesies from Mr. Darcy, I assure you."
"I do not have the pleasure of understanding you," Mr. Darcy said stiffly.
"Come now, Mr. Darcy," she said. "You made your feelings of everybody around you perfectly clear when you were in Hertfordshire. It was all over your face in all the gatherings."
"Darcy always looks like he is being tortured when there are a lot of strangers around," Colonel Fitzwilliam said.
"Yes, and they are all to remain strangers if the glare of death keeps them away."
"Cousin Elizabeth!" Mr. Collins was offended on Mr. Darcy's behalf. "Mr. Darcy was most affable when I made his acquaintance at the Netherfield ball. I assured him of her ladyship's good health and we spoke of the habits of his intended, Miss De Bourgh. There was no glare that could have kept me away from paying my respects on him."
"I am sure that is true," Elizabeth said.
"I am not engaged to my cousin," Mr. Darcy said.
"Oh, I understand it is not official yet," Mr. Collins hastened to reassure him. "But I would be happy to publish the banns for you at any time."
"It will not be necessary," Mr. Darcy said.
Mr. Collins looked distressed to hear this. "I am sure no one could object to such a felicitous union of perfect harmony of wealth, breeding and connections. It is lady Catherine's dearest wish to unite two magnificent estates."
Then his countenance brightened. "But of course, you will wish to marry by a special licence."
"Right, so there is no need for you to worry about Darcy's marital prospects," the Colonel said.
"A wedding breakfast at Rosings must be something to behold," Maria said.
"I am sure my aunt would do her best to make it memorable," the Colonel said. "But the last wedding at Rosings was more than thirty years ago."
"Charlotte's wedding was the only one I have attended," Maria said. "It is too bad there were no flowers to get."
"A winter wedding, right?" the Colonel asked. "The seasons can be lamentable sometimes."
"Oh yes, but I am so happy to be able to witness the beauties of Kent now, in the spring season," Charlotte said.
"The beauties of Kent!" said Mr. Collins. "Miss De Bourgh will be the most radiant bride, I am sure."
"I am certain Lady Catherine will inform you about any upcoming weddings and other ceremonies at Rosings," Charlotte said.
"There will be no weddings for the foreseeable future," Colonel Fitzwilliam said. "Unless some intrepid gentleman is interested in courting our aunt."
"Oh!" exclaimed Mr. Collins. "I am certain that plenty of gentlemen would love to be the master of Rosings but it must be very difficult to find a worthy man who is good enough for her ladyship."
Surely nobody could love her ladyship more than Mr. Collins, Elizabeth thought. It was too bad that he was already married. This she managed not to say out loud but she was not entirely successful in suppressing her smile.
"She is lucky to have you, Mr. Darcy," she said. "You can use your considerable skills to drive away all the fortune hunters."
"But how can you tell who the fortune hunters are?" Maria asked.
Mr. Darcy declined to give a helpful answer. "I suppose you need to look at the facts and observe the person's behaviour."
"Oh, that is easy," Elizabeth said. "Mr. Darcy has come up with a simple formula. If the people are rich, they may be worthy. If they are poor, they are fortune hunters."
"No doubt you consider me a frightful snob," said Mr. Darcy. "But in fact I think that for felicity in a marriage, a person's character is more important than their bank account."
This statement was universally approved, as Charlotte, Maria and the Colonel all murmured their agreement.
Mr. Collins had some choice remarks about felicity in a marriage to make, and as he was the only married man in the room he was assumed to be the one with expertise, and nobody would argue with him either.
"Jane is the kindest, gentlest person I know," said Elizabeth. "Pray, Mr. Darcy, other than relations in trade and no dowry, what were your objections to her character?"
"Is there something objectionable about her? Surely not," Mr. Collins looked at Mr. Darcy beseechingly and had a touch of panic in his voice, as if disapproval of his cousin could also besmirch his own honour.
"I wonder if it will rain tomorrow," Charlotte said. The emotional undertones of the conversation must have been making her uncomfortable, and Elizabeth felt a pang of conscience for contributing an unpleasant scene in her parlour. But not enough to leave Mr. Darcy alone just yet.
"Who is Jane?" Colonel Fitzwilliam asked. "Is this Bingley's latest fortune hunter?"
"How dare you tell him that Jane is a fortune hunter?" Elizabeth confronted Mr. Darcy fiercely.
"What else would you call a woman who was setting her cap on a man she did not particularly like?"
"You know nothing about her heart!"
"At the ball, your mother was quite loud and tactless and made it clear for the entire room that Bingley was considered a catch because of his wealth."
"I am not sure you have noticed," Elizabeth said, "but my mother and Jane are two different persons."
"I observed her with Bingley and others, and Miss Bennet had the same placid smile for everyone."
"I know you think smiling is criminal and unhealthy but you cannot condemn a people as a fortune hunter merely because they are civil to people."
"Her behaviour was all that was proper," Mr. Darcy said. "But Bingley desires an affectionate match, and after speaking with her, his sisters were of the opinion that her heart was not engaged."
"If your heart was engaged, would you confide in Mr. Bingley's sisters?"
"Eliza, I told you that Jane was very reserved and hard to read," said Charlotte.
"But I think his sisters knew Jane liked him," Elizabeth said. "They just did not like the match." Elizabeth said.
"Bingley's sisters do not appear to be particularly sincere," said the Colonel. He may have been a little slow to catch on because he suddenly had an expression of horror on his face. "Wait, Darcy, the woman you warned Bingley off is Miss Bennet's sister?"
"Apparently Mr. Darcy thinks my sister is a fortune hunter," Elizabeth said.
"I am so sorry," the Colonel said. "I seem to have put my foot in it."
"Never mind, sir," Elizabeth said kindly. "I should not like to have a monopoly on tactless relatives so every little bit you can do helps."
"Elizabeth," Charlotte said reprovingly.
"Let me ask you something, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said. "You are richer than Mr. Bingley, are you not?"
"Next to Darcy, most of us are paupers," the Colonel said.
"Right, Mr. Darcy. So how many young ladies in Meryton set their caps for you? Were you diligently pursued by everyone?"
"No, I dare say not."
"Except by Miss Bingley," said Elizabeth. "And she thinks that we are fortune hunters."
"Miss Bingley has seen Pemberley, after all," said the Colonel.
"No doubt my best feature," said Mr. Darcy.
"But if we are all fortune hunters out to marry a man we do not particularly like, why would anyone set her cap for Mr. Bingley, and not you?"
"A good question, Darcy," said the Colonel. "Bingley is from trade, has no estate, and comes with two shrewish sisters. Why is he more desirable than you?"
"With all due respect to the beauties of Hertfordshire, everyone must know that Mr. Darcy would never countenance such a match," Mr. Collins said. "After all, he has had the benefit of superior company, at Rosings and elsewhere."
"Be that how it may, Miss Bennet, your mother was very vocal about the desirability of the match with Bingley," Mr. Darcy said. "With five daughters to settle, I cannot imagine that she would allow her daughters to refuse an unwanted proposal from any good prospect."
"She might not, but my father does," Elizabeth said. "I would be wed by now if our mother had the power to force her children to marry."
"Who was to be the lucky man?" Colonel Fitzwilliam asked. Despite his earlier contrition, he seemed to find the conversation diverting and persisted in asking tactless questions. In his defense, he probably could not imagine circumstances in which any young lady would find herself visiting her rejected suitor's household.
"Never mind that," Elizabeth said. "It is not an interesting story."
"I depend upon you to tell me," said the Colonel. "One day."
"It looks like rain," Charlotte said.
"Oh no! What will lady Catherine say if these esteemed gentlemen get drenched on the way back?" Mr. Collins said.
"I am sure she could not blame you for the rain," Mr. Darcy said.
"What time would you be back at Rosings if you left now?" Elizabeth asked.