The Voyage Part Twosnevity-Sexhundredity-5millimeterology-Ninefourthsitis
Day I-finally-learned-how-to-properly-center-align, 1972
Samuel L. Jackson pointed us in the direction of a series of steamy space clouds, no doubt a remnant from the Big Bang. Or maybe it was Young Sheldon. We began our foray into the deep reaches of the cosmos, when all of a sudden the visions and sounds began to flood my mind once again. I heard all manner of heresy, from "NASA IS NOT A CORPORATION," to "SAMOSET AND POCAHONTAS DID NOT HAPPEN AT THE SAME TIME" and finally "CREDIT CARDS DO NOT HAVE PIN NUMBERS YOU SCRAWNY STUPID PUNCHABLE LITTLE 15 YEAR OLD FU-"
Just before that final genuine-sounding sentiment could reach its logical conclusion, we were met with Donald the Time Traveling Shark, who had managed to reach us through some contrived haha random so funny lmao bullshit no doubt. He said to us "I have to wonder why you specified that I could time travel and then not only never used that ability, but then also left me behind on Earth." I thought about it, then realized he was right, so I used him to time travel to when we met moments ago and repeated the interaction 39 consecutive times, nearly falling over laughing from the irony.
After having my fun, we did indeed time travel, to the moment that we lost the 100% Attendance at the Krusty Krab award. That's right, the borderline filler chapter where nothing of actual worth happened is now coming back into play, I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU DAD.
In a roundabout sort of way, we managed to steal the award back, not through direct confrontation, but rather through labyrinthian trickery. We directed the sentence fragment pirates to a truck stop bathroom for a surprise birthday party, and told them they could only come out of the bathroom stalls once we were ready. They starved to death there.
Doing this changed a few things: first and foremost, Pikachu was now with us again, and our trip to the now apparently privatized NASA, which to give added clarity is an NGO now and therefore has no affiliation with the government at all, was much easier. Mainly because they didn't have any government security helping out, just regular old plain old secular, corporate security which is different and bad. We also didn't have to deal with the fragment sentence pirates anymore, since they're all dead in a truck stop bathroom. That's kinda silly ngl.
With the hindsight of our previous journey, we knew to avoid the footing playing king in space's fort, or planet, or whatever the fuck, a spatula probably knowing my brainroted, stupid ass high school sense of humor. As we made our way towards the clouds, we ran into a pretty horrifying problem.
An identical ship to ours was resting just on the edge of the space dust. And inside, was our crew, all dead.
Author's Note: I wanted to challenge myself to actually write a sequel to this years later to take inventory of how much I've improved. I tried my best to replicate the original tone but with a bit of my modern wit and perspective, but I just don't think I can earnestly 100% replicate that humor anymore (not that it was worthwhile). I do not regret the previous chapters of this story, as they were a necessary part of my growth as a writer. But reading through them was rough. I am by no means an amazing writer now, this is arguably still not even a good story (I didn't have a lot to work with either but still) but it is easily leaps and bounds better than previous chapters. Who knows, maybe this can be a fun pet project to do on the side. Dear God don't read my other fics though, they make this look like The Godfather.