CHAPTER 29
"It has been so long Ms Thia! Or should I be calling you, Your majesty?"

I groan as Kili pokes and prods at my good senses. I've missed this playfulness that only adventuring can bring which is and isnt a surprise. I trauma bonded with them all like this. It almost feels natural. The rest of the fellowship are content to follow behind us, allowing Kili and Bifur to lead the way deeper into the cave. I'm content to just be with them.

"And you must tell me about the baby! I'd thought by now he must surely be nearing his majority but you have not aged a day since I last saw you."

"Well..." Lowering my voice so only he can hear, I explain quickly "Time warped... bent... between here and my home so only about 4 years passed for me."

"Trully? How strange! But this is good!" he folds his arms and nods "A woman cannot raise a dwarf alone. He needs his father to grow up well."

"That so? Ok then. This" cocking back, I punch the dwarf square in the jaw. He stumbles back before righting himself with a confused look on his face "-is for Kiliel."

"... Aye." Immediate recognition crosses his face as he begins rubbing his now sore jaw. The rest of the group looks on in varying states of confusion but at least the hobbits accept it as weird tradition as he dips his head in a bow. Gandalf offers a disapproving huff but makes no other sound of correction. Legolas looks a bit bored and the two men appear distantly confused. Gimli though... he has said nothing to Kili since his initial question and I know he is feeling torn. Kili is banished from their collective community but they are still blood. Even Kiliel is technically kin to him. While he never spoke to Kiliel directly in Rivendell he would talk to the group of children as a whole. He didn't isolate the child or behave with hostility toward him either... I'm honestly not sure how he feels about the whole situation. For now though, he does not approach or try to pull me away; leaving me to decide what is best in this situation. As for Kili... I know the mention of his child hurts more than the blow itself. While I used his unintentional insult as a transition, the blow is not punishment for my pride. I couldn't raise a proper dwarf. The hypocrisy is what got me. Still... I didn't put my all into that one but I said I would give him a little what for and I meant it "Aye, I deserved that."

"... Make sure you hug him when we see him again."

"I couldn't possibly hope to-"

"Oh you will, I'll make sure of THAT."

"I have been banish-

"Meh, I'm still talking to you and I'm Queen Consort."

"Wha- Even after all this time, you still make no sense!"

Lifting his head regally with a grin, the dwarf unintentionally reveals the deep scar beneath his chin. The skin has grown thick and raised from the damage inflicted. It is made all the easier to spot because of his lack of a beard. However, his bare face is not due to age anymore. Kicking a loose rock, I train my eyes on the floor instead of the burn marks littering my nephew's cheeks. A beard can not grow upon scar tissue like that and I know it was intentional. Thorin did not tell me about this part of Kili's punishment but I can clearly see why he didn't. It's... brutally intense. I had naively assumed he'd just been banished from Erebor but this... This is banishment for all polite society. Even from a first glance, the wounds are clearly intentional and anyone who looks will know that he committed a grave offense within the Dwarven community. He will be shunned for the rest of his life. I didn't think he'd be marked in such a way and Thorin didn't elaborate. To protect me or simply because I was never meant to see this. Maybe both. Thorin and I... we keep hiding things to protect the other but Kili doesn't have that luxury. His chosen partner is dead, by his own hand. His birthright. His kin. His children. He took a gamble with Tauriel and... I don't know if he'd consider it a loss but it certainly isnt paradise. He must live with his pain in plain sight. 'And he does it with his head raised.' He's most certainly stronger than I.

"... Please. Do not pity me." peeking over at him, I sigh at the ever present grin that doesn't quite reach his eyes anymore "I do not think I could stand it."
"... You've grown too much in 60 years, Ki."
"And you haven't grown at all." Kili places a large hand on my head to ruffle my hair like I'm a child and I squawk out in protest, allowing the unease of the moment to drift away. My pout must be something to behold as Bifur snorts out a not so quiet laugh from the front of the group. After a moment or two, the hand slips from its place to rest firmly on my wrist where it remains until I glance at the once again serious faced prince "... That is HIS mace."
"Yes." without asking, I know he speaks of Azog. We make our wy back to the front of the gaggle. I trust Kili but I can tell the others arre a bit wary and I don't need them getting jumpy. As for the mace; I usually drag the weapon behind me, not wishing to have it rest against my skin, but with the need to be quiet, I have lifted it to rest on my back like a child on a play horse "It is."
"... Why?"

"I want to drop it into Mordor. He's been dead for as long as I've been gone and I'd like to finally put this all to rest."

"..."

"Hey?" the dwarf momentarily nearly misses a step to stare at me in surprise before shaking his head stiffly. His eyes dart to my right and I glance back, frowning in confusion at Legolas's pinched face. Bifur grumbles under his breath but says nothing out right and Gimli coughs gruffly. I roll my eyes at the reactions. Its not the first time someone has judged my reasons of doing crazy mess "... Its not that big of a deal, guys..."

"Let us not discuss this any longer. It will only bring about ill feelings."

"... Ok... Soooo..." Well THAT was awkward but I try to keep things in a pleasant way "Your dad. This whole time your Father has been... where?"
"My what?"
"You father. Dad?"

"Hm?"

"Da? Uh... Daddy?"

"Um..."

"Oh come on! Papa. Paw. FATHER."

I can clearly see from a quick glance around that absolutely no one can understand me, meaning I'm probably not speaking the same language anymore. Again. I know dwarves don't like to speak Khuzdul in front of mixed company, so I lean into the pair and lower my voice

"I hope I don't butcher this word but... A-a-adad."
"Ah! My father."
"That's what I JUST said."
"I do not know what you were saying but it was not anything akin to 'father.' Either way, the word is pronounced 'Adad.'"

"Adad."

"Mmm, no." he presses his lips into a thin line before smiling tightly. Its common knowledge how protective dwarves are over their language, so I imagine having to correct someone who isn't a native speaker doesn't come up much. He takes a deep breath and tries for patience "You're saying the 'da' portion too softly. It's Adad, not Adad."

"OK, Adad then."

"Er... That was impressively worse. You sound like you are fighting not to belch."

"Wow, Kili. Wow."

"I apologize. No offense was intended. You should really learn-"

"Kili."

"Right. Not important at the moment... I suspect something has happened to your gift of language then? Will you tell me of it? As well as why you are with this lot and not in Erebor."

"I mean I gues-"

"Quietly, now." Gandalf hushes all conversation as we creep through the darkness like mice. I don't blame him, as even his whispered reprimand echoes into the darkness. I also understand the unspoken command of keeping silent about this quest "It's a four day journey to the other side without stopping."

"But..." Even Pippin is affected by the dank atmosphere we trod through and that's saying a lot "We'll find Mr. Kili's father first, right?"

"... A short detour." I know the wizard wants to say more but silence really is golden right now "Let us hope that our presence will go unnoticed."
Any further questions Kili and I would have bombarded each other with are abandoned for the time being. When we come across a rickety bridge the desire to ask also flies away. The group forms a single line to cross and I only have to look over once to know falling into the mines below would surely end in death. I'm not afraid of heights. Well, I wasn't afraid of heights before... Walking between Bifur and Kili, I take comfort in their heavy but sure footfalls. If they aren't heavy enough to snap the bridge, I'm good. Plus knowing that at least someone other than myself knows something about the caves is a relief. It isn't until we come across a grave site that their steps falter and I immediately glance around. Defaced headstones have clearly been attended to, as the intense graffiti I expected to be there is dull and washed out. A constant sound of wet scraping drags my gaze to the back of the cemetery. A figure is hunched over his poorly lit work space, and I cant be sure if he's ignoring us or simply didnt hear our approach.

"Adad!" Kili calls and the figure lazily glances over. So I guess he was just ignoring then... From the distance it is hard to make out but I can just barely see the wet rag in his hand, confirming that the being is the caretaker of this memorial "We have brought quite the troop! I am sure that now is the time to leave."

"Leave?"

Slowly advancing on the group, I watch the dwarf with as much caution as curiosity. This dwarf did not join Thorin's company, but sent his sons instead. Possibly to their deaths. Actually... to their deaths. I'd like to know what kind of dwarrow would do that. He is dressed in a simple tunic and trousers; durable against the forces of nature but not all that great to look at or protective considering what frequented these halls. His pale blond hair is so light that it's nearly white. It isn't until I see his eyes that I come to the startling realization: He's albino.

A mane of white locks engulf his ashen face and eerily pale but slightly reddened eyes, made all the lighter by his colorless lashes. He is thin; not weak or sickly... but lacking the usual thickness that dwarves are known for. I begin to question whether or not he is mixed with another race but quickly disregard the idea. Based in Kiliel's reception, Fili and Kili wouldn't have lasted long even if they were 3/4 dwarf. Not to mention that that is something that I surely would have been made aware of and at the basis of it... he still appears to be a dwarf. The strangest dwarrow I have ever seen but a dwarf nonetheless.
"Even with your new friends, no one simply leaves this place. They may have gotten in but to leave? That is not nearly the same ease. You know that, Kili."

"We have a Wizard!" Pippin pipes up, waving his hands and Gandalf "Certainly, he's gotten out of a mine or two!"

"When last my kin had dealings with the Grey wizard I can not say much of anything was for certain."

"Humph!" Gandalf barely greets the dwarf before immediately distancing himself and I have a feeling the two arent on good terms

"W-well... We also have r-representation of all the free races-"

"The unnamed things of this place care not for your freedom, lad." he goes back to swiping at the headstone, clearly uninterested in what we have to offer "You and your friends have made a mistake coming here."

"We aren't your everyday friends, sir." Stepping out of Kili's shadow I speak to the now close dwarrow as the group move about. The hobbits are keen to escap the newest dwarf and move out to explore. Giving a quick glance to Boromir, Aragorn follows. Gimli looks uncomfortable but stays put. With a shrug, I continue "We'll get out of here, sure as day."

"There is no day here, lassie. No sun, no light. Only darkness." Wary eyes take in every member of the fellowship before landing once more on me "What's a nice lass like yourself doing with a lot like them?"

"Sightseeing" Boromir snorts leaning on the wall but I simply curl my lip with a grin "What other reason could there be to be here, dwarf?"

"Funny. Gimli, explain this to me." It takes no coaxing for the younger dwarf to catch the newer one up to speed. Gandalf can barely offer a tsk of reprimand before the whole cat is out of the bag. The more Gimli speaks, the less friendly the older dwarf appears. He isn't outright scowling but... I wouldn't want to catch him in a back alley. When Gimli's story is complete, there is a moment of silence before the elder growls out in annoyance "You should have returned her highness to his majesty, Gimli, not brought her on this... quest."

"Y-yes. I suppose we should have."

"If anything happens to the Queen Consort... Our King will not be pleased. If Nori cannot find a way to enter her, he will send word back and who knows what his majesty will do then." I suspected that Nori could have been following. This dwarf wouldn't know for certain either way but the fact that he suspects means that its such an obvious thing. I don't like the way Gimli cowers before him though. Before I can address it, he addresses me "Forgive us your highness, the failure of my kin is unforgivable."

"I wouldn't consider this failure."

"I would."

"... And you are?"

"Sili, son of Yimil, at your service."
"Thia Malcolmson, Queen of Erebor, at yours."

"Yes. I am aware. May I approach?"

I squint my eyes at him, not sure if I want to risk having him in my space. He seems to have a healthy dose of loyalty though, so I don't think he'll try to gut me outright. I nod. To say I am surprised when Sili pulls me into his arms and nearly hugs the living daylights out of me is an understatement. No one but Kili and Bifur seem to have any idea what to do, and the two of them merely chuckle at my expense. Before anyone can pull any weapons on the dwarrow, I sputter out a response

"Uh... uh... Mr. Sili. Sir? What? What are we doing?" of course he doesn't answer, instead hefting me off my feet and spinning in a small circle "Ooook then. Um... this is new. Very new. Why are we doing this?"

"I have heard many stories of you, my queen." straight teeth beam at me from his open smile and it's the least I can do to smile back. His grim face has transformed into one of great amusement and I can't say Ive seen such shift before. I don't know if I should be scared or relieved "It is a great honor to meet she who not only slew a dragon-"

"I didn't really-"

"-but also saved my sons." placing me on the floor, the dwarf falls to his knees and takes my hands in his. His smile never wavers, growing brighter with each second "Thank you."

I blink down at him in shock. No one ever thanked me. I never expected them to do so. Never needed them to do it. Directly, I did nothing. I didn't slay a dragon or block the blades meant for my kin. I didn't even warn them half the time of what was to come. I honestly tried to stay as uninvolved as possible. I only wanted to change one thing and the rest of the world could burn for all I cared. Can still burn if it would keep my one desire true. I wanted them to live. And they still do, despite all their hardships, trials, and tribulations. Though I don't wish them ill, I'm glad they are able to suffer because it means they are still alive. That there is still hope.

"I love them." pulling the misty eyed dwarf to his feet, I pat him firmly on the shoulder "I need no thanks for that."

"Does your love come with a map?" leave it to Boromir to ruin a good thing "Because we are trapped and lost within a grand tomb."

"Gandalf?" pulling my attention away from my... brother in law? Is he a prince? With Dis... gone... what happened to her spouse? What was his position before he married her? I haven't the foggiest. There will be time enough later. I follow Frodo's shaking voice up the path that the group has disappeared to. Of course they couldn't wait for the family reunion to finish and walked on ahead. Rude "Gandalf are we lost?"

"I hope not."

"I agree with Merry. Cause I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry, Pip."

"Wait." Sam sounds so serious that I think something is wrong for a moment "Are you hungry and you agree with Merry or are you hoping we aren't lost because you are hungry?"

"... Gandalf?"

"It is with great displeasure that I must announce that much has changed here." coming to stand beside the wizard I look at the split in the road. Three paths stretch out before us, and none look welcoming. "I have no memory of this place."
I do. I remember clearly that we are supposed to take one specific path to exit this hell hole. I also know that it takes Gandalf quite some time to figure that out, but I'm not in a rush to blab for one reason: We aren't alone. Its not Nori. He'd have shown himself once everything went to hell and he hasn't. I dont know about Longarm but... I'm getting a feeling he didn't make it in either. Still, I'm not even just talking about Gollum or the goblins. The ring is blocking all but this. I cant feel anything other than whatever this thing is. It's overwhelming my other senses like its swallowing me whole... There is something... someone else here... And I'm terrified. We will eventually run into it before we get out. The Balrog maybe? I can't be sure. For all I know, the fellowship just misses whatever this is because of Gandalf's hesitation. Thus, I have-

"I say we go this way!" Gimli's shout makes me flinch back into this side of the world "I offer no offense Master Bifur but this way is best. I can feel it!"

"Yeah?" Boromir glances between the two dwarfs at the two mouths of the caves and chooses the last available one "I say you are both wrong, and this one will lead us to freedom."

"And who are you to disagree with dwarves." I groan as Kili inserts himself into the argument, adding to the noise "When dealing with caves, a son of man will always be wrong if a dwarf is around."

The disagreement is pushed from my mind as my eyes begin to burn and I know what is coming. I reach out and grasp Gandalf's sleeve, as my head is knocked back. The first vision is of Bifur's cave. A heavy rock breaks loose while we are halfway through, trapping Frodo and Legolas beneath its weight, killing them almost instantly. Almost. While Frodo quickly succumbs to his wounds, we are all forced to abandon the elf prince as a horde of goblins flock to the noise of his pain. They make a quick meal of his flesh even as he tries, and fails, to fight them off. Shaking the image free only jump starts the premonition of Gimli's cave.

It leads to an open room that is immediately swarming with goblins. All but myself are quickly put to death, and I gag on the foul smell of my friends being roasted. I suffer a much worse and prolonged fate, that through our heightened connection frightfully awakens the ring again.
Which way, mommy?
There is only one way.
There are many ways.
There is only one way for us to live.
I won't let you die.
I don't want to die.
Even if you want to, mommy, I won't let you.
I'm not your mommy.
Which way mommy?
I'm not your-
Which way mommy?
I am no-
Which way mommy?

"It's that way!" The childish voice disappears with a giggle and I become aware of the silence surrounding me. My shout has brought the attention of everyone to me and I silently curse the ring for forcing my hand. I can not back out and what's more... it's Boromir's cavern of choice that has the best outcome "...That's the way out."

"... Of course it is." the man puffs out his chest as the dwarves glare daggers of death at him. His hubris is so bright, it's nearly blinding the rest of us too "I knew you would come around to see things my way, little dragon queen. Though I do wonder what makes you so sure..."

"It has nothing to do with you and all to do with leaving this place." Kili, Gimli, and Bifur agree vehemently while Sili nods his head silently. Boromir knows I avoided his inquiry but lets it slide for the moment, high on being correct. I know they all trust my judgment, as no one questions it, just accepting it as true. I bow my head as the group follows the annoying man until I am left with only Gandalf "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to but the ring-"

"Calm yourself, my dear girl." he grips my shoulder in a withered hand for comfort "Your burden is heaviest of all. Simply do what you can."

"... Gandalf..."

"Yes?"

"The other ways might lead outside but there are... forces that will intecept us before we make it. No way is safe but this is safest... We aren't all going to make it out of this place."

"... How sure are you?"

"Once? Very. Not at all anymore but..." it's hard to say that you want someone to all but die for the greater good "I knew about Goblintown... back then... I had to let it happen because Bilbo had to fall and meet Gollumn so he could find the ring. It was...It had to happen."

"..."

"This... too. It's one of those things that needs to happen. In the end, it's better this way, even if it's not."

"... I hope you are right."

"So do I, Gandalf." watching the back of the elder as he hobbles away, I suddenly feel decades older. I try, but I can't imagine so much time passing that I forget even my own name. Gandalf can not defeat Saruman as he is and he needs to be remade in order to win. Yet... I don't want to loose my friend. All I can do is hope that what happens is for the best "... So do I."

When I originally wrote this, Sili was much nicer. Thia was meaner. Kili was less broken. I hope they are more realist now.