Chapter 25 - Light
When Tamsin briefly regained her consciousness, she found herself in the back of a moving vehicle. The third row seats were folded down, effectively creating a bed for her.
Two large duffle bags were placed between her and the rear gate. Beside the duffle bags, there was a warm, furry weight pushing against the side of her body.
It would occasionally yip or snore.
She wanted to turn her head and take a look at what it might be but she wasn't able to move at all. For the longest time, she just lay there while watching the rear window in her peripheral view.
Outside, giant raindrops crashed into the glass repeatedly. The whooshing windshield wiper, the droning radio and the drumming rain sang the sweetest lullaby.
Confused but relaxed, Tamsin succumbed to the darkness, until she smelled fresh pine.
That scent triggered a lot of memories, for example, the bloody night where she had witnessed the massacre of a village by a pack of wolves.
But...it wasn't all bad memories... That crisp, spicy scent also reminded her of the cool night breeze and bright stars, of two pounding hearts, warm touches and soft whispers...
Where am I? She wondered, as the scent of cold rain, wet leaves and burning wood came to her.
Vaguely, she saw herself inside that cabin, in which she and Bo had stayed in order to hide from the other "Bo" when they were trapped in Bo's mind.
That cabin...she remembered that cabin. It was a place she had been to long before she had met Bo.
It must be from her old memories, before she had sunk into the ice lake.
That cabin...she remembered watching the smoke of the fire swiftly escaping the narrow opening in the roof like a ghostly snake.
She remembered having the sheets of linen and hide wrapped around her naked skin.
She remembered being close to someone, as close as she could possibly be...
A rather loud crackle made her flinch. She opened her eyes to the burning logs of an old fashioned fireplace, in front of which a large animal and a dark bird rested peacefully.
Hey I know those two...Tamsin thought, but why didn't the wolf have wings?
She was in and out for a while, until a warm hand covered her forehead gently.
She met a pair of warm, concerned brow eyes, and time stood still for a moment.
"Bo...?" Tamsin hesitantly muttered.
Bo smiled, her eyes brimming with tears.
"You...you are..." Tamsin breathed. She had never thought pushing a few words through her cracked lips would be this hard.
She swallowed as she attempted to lift one hand to touch Bo's face, but her arm fell like an overcooked spaghetti noodle.
You are okay. She thought, feeling beyond relieved.
Bo's face went out of focus, and her voice faded as Tamsin passed out again.
Tamsin woke up to the torrential rain outside. In daze, she watched ropes of rain water falling from the sides of overfilled gutters outside the window.
The entire world was being hammered by the storm. All sounds and colors were drowned.
Somehow, that finding gave her peace.
Keeping her eyes open was about all she could manage right now. She moved her eyes from the log beams in the ceiling to the stacked stone fireplace then to the outdated windows...
She was indeed inside a cabin, but this one she had never visited before.
A dark shadow dived at her. Landed right under her chin was her Fylgja Knut.
The raven butted his head against her chin affectionately. Then, he straightened his body and studied her with his head tilted.
Fenrir's wet muzzle came next. The wolf, now a fully grown adult size, leaned in and took a curious whiff.
He lay down afterwards, resting his chin on Tamsin's stomach, with his tail lazily swiping left and right on the floor.
Knut, who had deemed Tamsin safe and therefore uninteresting, started to entertain himself by using the side of Fenrir's body as a slide.
Tamsin gritted her teeth to pull herself up into a sitting position and took a peek through the nearest window.
It was just miles and miles of mountains outside, speckled with distant cabins large and small.
She flinched hard when she heard the door open with a loud, long creak.
She immediately reached for her weapon only to realize that she had nothing on her, nothing but a simple gown and a microfleece blanket.
Standing at the doorway was Bo with a bag of groceries and a case of bottled water. When their eyes met, the brunette's face instantly lit up.
"I was hoping you'd wake up today!" Bo said cheerfully as she rushed to Tamsin's side to check on her. "How do you feel?"
"I'll live."
Bo nodded as she handed Tamsin a bottle of water and two pills.
Tamsin tried to put those pills into her mouth but her hands were too shaky. Bo ended up doing that for her instead and fed her some water.
Swallowing the water felt both satisfying and painful.
After having coughed a few times, Tamsin placed her hand on Bo's cheek and pulled her in.
It didn't feel real until now, until she was actually able to feel the heat from Bo's skin, until she had her close to her chest in her arms.
Words could not describe how relieved and grateful Tamsin was - they were both safe, alive and together.
Breathing in Bo's scent, Tamsin muttered, "where are we?"
"We are in a cabin. Kenzi said we could crash here for a while."
"How did we get here?"
"I drove us here."
After a short pause, Bo asked hesitantly, "something happened after my surgery, didn't it? It was like…we were being hunted."
Tamsin nodded and sighed. "Valhalla...Acacia was being a major bitch to us. You were unconscious and I was shot. Fenrir flew us out."
Bo gaped at her and let out a loud gasp. "I thought that was a dream!"
"Wait...you remember?"
"I...I don't know. I thought it was a dream. I mean, it felt like a dream. I remember bits and pieces of...things, like...like somehow I was seeing things through Fenrir's eyes every once in a while but…at the same time I was asleep."
"Mhm."
"Anyway, when I actually woke up, we were back at the shack. Fenrir must have brought us there."
"The shack?"
"The place where I lived before you dragged me to join Valhalla."
"Oh, that dump..."
Bo let out a soft chuckle. "Freaked the living hell out of Kenzi when she came home after a party and found us at the doorstep. You were bleeding to death and I was barely awake. We took you to the emergency room immediately, and you were...for a while you weren't responding at all."
Her voice shook a little, and she squeezed Tamsin's hand. "Anyway, they were able to bring you back but...several Valhalla agents came and they didn't seem all that friendly so we left the hospital in a hurry and...we came here."
Tamsin nodded slightly, rubbing her chin over the top of Bo's head.
"How did you get shot? Who shot you?"
"Acacia's minions."
"What? Why?"
"Because...I disobeyed."
Bo frowned hard at Tamsin, beyond confused.
Tamsin let out a deep sigh. "Here's the long fucking story..."
She then proceeded to tell Bo everything: the prophecies, how a Vargr would destroy the world. Acacia's conclusion that Bo was the Beast, how Acacia had planned to put her in a drug induced coma, how she had drugged Tamsin, and when Tamsin escaped to rescue Bo, she ordered her men to attack...
Bo was completely struck numb by the roller coast of events that had happened while she was under anesthesia. For a while, she just sat there in complete silence while gaping at Tamsin.
Tamsin held one of Bo's arms and squeezed gently. "Bo, look, I'm sorry that-"
Bo stopped her by holding a hand up. "So, let me get this straight. When I asked you if there was anything wrong, you told me that everything was fine and that you were just worried about my surgery…All that was just a big, fat lie?"
"Bo, listen…."
"No!" Bo pulled her arm out of Tamsin's hand. "You lied to me, Tamsin!"
"Bo, it was-"
Bo stabbed her with her eyes. "I don't want to hear it!" She snapped.
With that she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
Great. Tamsin thought as she closed her eyes in frustration.
Tamsin tried to get some sleep but the pain from her wounds and Bo's disappointment and anger made her restless.
She decided that she needed a shower.
She dragged herself into the shower stall and turned on the water.
As she waited for the water to heat up, Bo entered the bathroom with her lips clenched.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Bo bit out.
"Ummm...getting a shower?"
"You are not supposed to move around like this! And you are bleeding again!" Bo raised her voice as she tossed a hand out at the oozing wound on Tamsin's shoulder.
She grabbed a clean towel and dabbed around Tamsin's wound, freezing there when Tamsin flinched because of pain.
"Well...if you let me take a shower all of this would be washed off."
Bo let out a frustrated growl, before she ordered, "just...wait here and don't move."
She left the bathroom and returned with a chair. She placed the chair under the shower head and commanded, "sit."
As Bo sprayed hot water over Tamsin's head and body, Tamsin shivered slightly, for the water felt too good.
She was lathered with shampoo and soap afterwards. She moaned at how softly and gently Bo's hand slid into her hair, down along her torso and up against her thighs.
As Bo kneeled to rinse the bubbles off her face, their eyes met.
After a few seconds of silence, Bo let go of the handheld shower head and cupped Tamsin's face. She leaned in and pressed her lips on Tamsin's.
She bit her until she drew blood.
Then, she pulled back slightly as she ran the tip of her finger over the stitches along Tamsin's hairline, over the bruise on her cheek bone, then down the gunshot wound under her shoulder….
She leaned in and kissed her again, tenderly and softly.
That was all the forgiveness Tamsin had asked for.
After the shower, Bo went to prepare some food for both of them.
Tamsin had never thought the smell of the cheapest frozen pizza being baked in the oven would make her mouth water this much. She was dying to eat something, anything, for she had not had any solid food in two days.
As soon as the pizza was taken out of the oven, she grabbed a piece and inhaled it while huffing and puffing at how hot it was.
She downed a bottle of cold water, and went for a second piece.
As she was swallowing a mouthful of cheese and pepperoni, Bo tossed a piece of half eaten pizza back onto the plate and said, "so, when can we expect Valhalla's assault team at the door?"
"As soon as they find us."
"They are just not gonna give up, are they?"
"Nope, not when they are convinced that you are the big bad wolf and I'm your sexy sidekick. When it comes to the whole world's destruction shit, Valhalla is dead serious."
Bo bit out a hiss. "The fuck is wrong with these people?! How could they just decide to put me in a coma, or...or shoot at you like that? Who gave them the rights?! They could have killed you, Tamsin!"
"I know."
"Hell, they could have killed me too! For what?! For something they believed to be true?!" Bo yelled. Then, she let out a deep, angry sigh, and asked, "what's plan then?"
"Didn't really have one." Tamsin muttered. "Thought I'd just stop them from putting you in a coma first. Wasn't expecting them to go full bang bang mode on us like that."
She paused for a while, helping herself with some fresh grapes that Bo had bought. "I guess for now, we've got three options."
"Okay?"
"One, we go off the grid and make sure we stay off Valhalla's radar for the rest of our lives. Two, we lay low for as long as we can until the magical moment comes when Valhalla stops chasing us. Three, we prove to Valhalla that you are not the Vargr."
"No, no, and I have to prove that I'm fucking innocent when I've done nothing?!"
"I don't like it more than you do but that's the only way to shut them up for good."
"God I hate this! I was living my life just fine and got dragged into this whole Valkyrie/Einheri crap. Now I'm being hunted because...some ancient creeps smoked too much whatever and said so?! Ughhhh, you know what? If I were the Vargr, the first thing I'm gonna do is to bite that bitch's head off!"
Bo vented a good twenty minutes while pacing back and forth frantically in front of Tamsin with her face red and her arms waving in the air.
When she sat down again, she groaned. "What proof can we even provide that is considered satisfactory?"
Tamsin pondered. "So, Acacia's theory goes like this: long, long ago, Ylva, the Vargr, and I knew each other. Somehow, one day, we ended up sinking into the same lake and...slept underneath side by side. Fólkvangr pulled Ylva out and brainwashed her into...you. Since all your childhood memories were planted by Fólkvangr, anything that you think happened before you turned fourteen, fifteen-ish, never actually happened in real life."
"Was she even listening to herself when she said all these things? How could she possibly think it could be true? I get that this Ylva person might have existed and you two might have known each other or whatever, but brainwashing her so she could become me? How? Why?!"
"It's beyond ridiculous, I know, but my point is...if we can prove that your childhood memories were real, it would be a huge slap on Acacia's face."
"How could they not be real?! I mean, yeah, sure, I don't remember much of my early childhood, but who does? We found my childhood home. I remember living there with my mother. And it's not like my childhood ended there! I was taken into foster care and I had foster parents, who were actual living humans. I have loads of photos to prove that."
"Photoshop does exist. Her words, not mine."
"What other proof can I even provide, then? If she's so convinced that I'm this Vargr, she'd spit on anything that I show her."
"I don't know. School records, childhood friends, people who knew you? Like...instead of going for things that you remember, we need to go for things that other people remember with you in it."
"So...witnesses?"
"Mhm. Are you still in contact with any of your foster parents, your old classmates or foster care siblings?"
"Well...let's see, the first foster care I was in, I was the only kid there. I was also homeschooled so no classmates, teachers or siblings."
"What about neighbors?"
"We lived on a farm and the nearest neighbor was like a mile away. I don't remember us being close to anyone in particular. My foster parents...they were just private people. They rarely had any guests over, and they didn't like going out either. I remember maybe seeing the mailman or plumber once or twice but that was it."
After a brief pause, she continued, "when I was around ten, I was placed with a different family. Interestingly enough, I was the only kid there as well."
She pondered her past. "Is it just me, or does it sound weird that both foster families only had me?"
"No, I mean, it could have been done on purpose."
"What do you mean?"
"Os took you away because your mother and her thought you were in danger."
"Right."
"I don't know her in person but from what we've gathered, she was smart and resourceful. The best way to hide you from Fólkvangr agents would be to put you with someone she could trust. She'd also want limited human contacts for you as well. The fewer people you know, the less likely Fólkvangr agents would find you."
Tamsin pondered for a while, before she asked, "Why were you placed in a different family anyway?"
"I don't know. I just remember leaving my first foster home. My foster parents announced that I had to go and they helped me pack. I'm sure they had an explanation for me back then, but I just couldn't remember."
"So it happened suddenly?"
"Yeah...one day they just told me that I'd be staying with some other family, and I was told to pack light. Somehow that made me believe that I'd only be staying with the other family for a short while and then I'd go back, but I never went back.. Anyway, the day after I packed my things, a couple showed up at the farm and took me away. Not long after that, I heard that my first foster parents were involved in a car accident and passed away. I wanted to attend their funeral but my new foster parents wouldn't let me. A few years later I went back to the farm once. Someone else had already bought it and all their belongings were either sold or tossed out."
"What about your second pair of foster parents? Are you still in touch with them?"
"No, and honestly I chose no contact with them because I held deep resentment for them for kicking me out when I was sixteen."
"Wait, they kicked you out?"
Bo nodded. "It's kinda like how I had left my first foster care actually. One day, they told me to pack my things and to stay with a friend of mine for a few days. When I went home-"
"Lemme guess. They were long gone."
"Yep, they moved overnight. Did not leave a forwarding address or a phone number. They just...left. It broke me, Tamsin. For the longest time, I hated their guts for abandoning me like that. Not even a proper goodbye!"
Bo huffed. "And now, with this whole Vargr, Fólkvangr crap, I wonder if they did that just to protect me."
After a long pause, she murmured, "I hope they are still alive. They were...good people, and they cared for me."
Tamsin wrapped her arm around Bo's shoulder and pulled her close. "Maybe we can track them down and talk to them. Were you also homeschooled when you were with them?"
"No, they enrolled me in schools. I was in an elementary school for a year, then a different one for another year. Then three different middle schools."
Seeing Tamsin's raised eyebrows, Bo added, "we moved around a lot."
"We can definitely check out those schools. There has to be someone who knows you when you were there."
Bo nodded. After a long period of silence, she asked, "Tamsin,you thought it might be true, didn't you? And that was why you hid it from me."
Tamsin sighed. "It doesn't really matter, Bo. Whether you and Ylva are the same person or not, there's no fucking way that you are capable of destroying the world."
"What exactly does the prophecy say about me?"
"Nothing. It did not specify a name or anything in there at all. Everything is so fucking vague. The whole thing was written like it was deciphering one riddle with another."
"But, everything mentioned in there has actually happened?"
"Well...those who studied and translated it certainly have found corresponding events to each paragraph, but..."
"What do you know about Ylva? You said you were close to her?"
"The prophecy and Acacia said that I was close to her. I don't know squat about her. I mean, yeah, I think I remember some stuff, but...I don't really remember her."
"It would kinda make sense that I am her, though, wouldn't it? I mean, why else would I have visions of sinking into a dark lake, or...or sitting in that longhouse?"
"Like Finola said, we are bonded so our minds are kinda connected."
"Fine, then how do you explain that in your vision, Ylva looks exactly like me?"
"Maybe you two do look alike. Maybe she's your great great grandmother. Hell, I did not see her face until you and I were bonded, so maybe it was all me. Maybe I wanted you so damn much that I just had to have you in my dreams."
Bo couldn't help but let out an amused chuckle.
"Whatever it is, we are in this together, Bo."
"So what if...after everything, I am Ylva and I am the destroyer of worlds?"
Tamsin huffed. "Then I'll do everything I can to stop you, and...whatever happens after that, you won't be alone."
Bo nodded and closed her eyes, burying herself into Tamsin's warm embrace.
"Right, I almost forgot..." Tamsin gently placed her hands on Bo's head and tilted it forward slightly so she could take a closer look at her surgery incisions. "How do you feel?"
"I barely feel anything. A little bit of pain, if any."
"Still don't know what the device might do?"
"Not a clue. They were supposed to run some tests once I recovered, but...oh well."
Bo let out a deep breath as she glanced at Fenrir and Knut. Fenrir was just resting, while Knut tried to balance a ball of wolf fur on top of his head.
"Sooo...he had wings. How did that happen, and where did the wings go?"
"The hell I know...but, I do have a theory."
"Okay?"
"So, I've always thought this was a myth, or at least until now...I've heard some Valkyries talking about this thing about Fylgur melding, like two Fylgjar would just become one sometimes when the shared bond is strong. I've never seen one happening, and I've never heard of anyone who had."
"So you think Fenrir and Knut kind of...melded into this...this flying wolf?"
Tamsin gave her a big shrug.
Bo shook her head slightly and shrugged as well.
"I better get some rest," Tamsin announced. The long conversation with Bo had consumed her, and she was on the brink of collapsing.
Putting her head on Bo's lap, she closed her eyes.
While Tamsin was still recovering from her injuries, Bo started tracking down her second foster parents. After a million phone calls, she had, in great frustration, accepted the fact that they were nowhere to be found.
The two of them took a road trip to the two elementary schools that Bo had attended. The first one had been closed for many years due to constant low enrollment. All records had been lost because of a pipe leak. The second school was still open, but no one there would recognize Bo. They managed to find an incomplete collection of old enrollment records, but Bo's name wasn't in them.
Visiting the three middle schools Bo had attended had yielded similar results: enrollment records were either partially lost or incomplete. They were able to, however, locate several of Bo's classmates and teachers. To their dismay, even though some of them did remember a "Bo" in school with them, they couldn't be sure if Bo was that person.
Bo didn't know if that finding had given her some relief, or made it worse. She was upset that, despite firmly believing herself, she started to have doubts.
They then tried things like medical records, and found some under Bo's name. However, none of them had a photo, and Bo couldn't help but wonder what exactly these records could prove, that she did exist before the age of fifteen, or that someone named "Bo" had received treatment?
The thing that upset her the most, was perhaps the fact that they had not been able to find anything about her when she had been living with her mother - no birth certificate, no medical or dental records, no insurance policies, nothing.
It was as if the entire time before she had appeared in the foster care system was a lie.
After having hit one dead end after another, they eventually decided to go to Lundeville.
On the way there, they visited the gas station again and talked to the owner, Dave. He wasn't able to provide them any new information, but did treat them with some delicious homemade strawberry rhubarb pie.
It was nightfall when Tamsin and Bo entered the neighborhood where Bo's childhood home was.
They walked through a few homes there, hoping to find something but there was nothing to be found.
Then, they went to Bo's childhood home again, and just like last time she had been there, it was empty.
Standing in front of the house while taking a deep inhale, Bo tried to remember the night Os took her away.
Following the route that they had taken that night, Bo ended up inside the daycare in the basement level of the community center, which was a big room with no other exits.
How the hell did we escape from here that night? Did we leave here and go somewhere else? If that was the case, why did Os take me here in the first place? Bo wondered as she stood in the middle of the empty room.
She scanned the room. It was the same room she had remembered, but it wasn't. All the things that she remembered being here, weren't.
This room was just...empty, too empty. Not a single piece of daycare item - a children's book, a piece of drawing, a broken crayon - had been left behind. Even the safari paintings on the walls were completely gone, like someone had repainted the walls.
But, why would anyone do that, cleaning up an abandoned daycare center and repainting the walls?
Bo paused when something on the back wall caught her attention.
At first she had thought it was just the glare from the flashlight, but after a closer look, she realized that something on the back wall was glowing.
It was some sort of writing, a letter.
Hesitantly, Bo reached out and touched the letter - it looked very much like a skinny "R" but the loop wasn't closed. It was also more of a triangular shape instead of a half circle.
It stared back at Bo like a bright, shimmering eye.
"What are you doing caressing the dingy wall?" Tamsin's voice came.
"You...can't see this?" Bo turned to her, a little surprised.
"See what?"
"A glowing R, on the wall, like right here..." Bo replied as she traced the strokes of the letter.
As she was doing that, she felt a vague flutter, or a slight buzz inside her.
All of a sudden, she was back to that night, when she had left her home with Os. They were here, inside this room, standing right in front of this exact same wall.
What are you doing?
She remembered herself asking Os that question. She was so confused, because she didn't know why Os would just stand there staring at the wall.
Then, she felt that buzz inside her, just like she was feeling right now.
It became louder and louder, while the glow of the writing got brighter and brighter.
It was as if something inside her was about to burst.
The heat coming from the back of her head shot down her neck and her limbs like electricity.
"Bo?" Tamsin called her, concerned.
But, Bo barely heard her. She was in a trance.
All her attention was drawn to the stream of light coming from the letter "R".
It was a swirl, a river, a tide.
Bo pressed her right palm firmly against the wall, just like her five year old self had done.
The light exploded, pulling her in.
"Bo?!" Tamsin yelled. Even though she couldn't see anything, she still sensed the sudden explosion of energy around them.
She darted towards Bo and grabbed her arm, just in time to be devoured by the light with Bo.