Chapter Nine: Friends & Enemies
Word had spread through Slytherin House about the new seeker by the next day and the entire school knew by the time the weekend was over. Harry barely had time to process it all before he was bombarded with bold questions and snide remarks. Most of the snide remarks were from older students, a lot of them friends with Higgs. Or if they were from the other Houses, they just really hated Slytherins and by extension, Harry. Harry never quite understood the words the older students slung at him, but the lack of understanding didn't prevent the feelings of humiliation and embarrassment from washing over him.
"Just ignore them, Harry. They're all a bunch of pricks," Theodore said, not bothering to keep his voice down. One of the older students – Slytherin, but Harry couldn't remember his name – turned and flipped Theodore off, having heard his comment.
"Oi, shut your gob, Nott," The boy sniped. "You've got too much at stake to risk it on this fucker." The boy turned back to Harry, a vicious sneer on his face. Harry winced, looking away. There was a cruelty there and a smug pleasure in response to that cruelty that sent shivers down Harry's spine. He inched back from the boy, gripping Theodore's elbow. Theodore only raised an eyebrow.
"Bold words coming from you, Montague," He said, his voice cold and sharp. "We all know your family wasn't as neutral as you want the Ministry to think. Would be a shame if any," Theodore bared his teeth into a smile, "evidence happened to find its way to the DMLE."
"You take us down, Nott, you're taking yourself down too," The boy snarled. Theodore raised an eyebrow.
"I'm willing to take that risk. Question is, are you?" He smiled, a cold, cruel smile, and Harry stared at his friend, shocked. Montague was practically trembling with his rage.
"You better shut the fuck up, Nott, or something real bad is going to happen to you." Harry thought that sounded quite threatening, but Theodore hardly seemed bothered, his smile growing wider.
"Ooh, I'm trembling," Theodore mocked, and Montague snarled but didn't say anything else, stalking off. Harry gave Theodore a chiding look, but Theodore only shrugged, his eyebrows still furrowed in anger.
"Thank you," Harry murmured. Theodore turned to him, a slight smile on his face.
"Always, Harry," He said and Harry felt his face heat up. He remained silent, jaw clenched, and Theodore laughed slightly before taking Harry's elbow. "C'mon, let's get some breakfast."
Harry didn't bother acknowledging Theodore's suggestion, the other boy already walking towards the Great Hall. He shook off any remaining unease and followed his friend into the room.
It was like a bomb had gone off if a bomb did the opposite of what it usually did, creating an absence of sound rather than an explosion. Harry could see everyone's mouths moving but heard nothing past the loud ringing in his ears and could feel his chest tightening until he could hardly force any air in.
Just before he thought he would lose it, he felt a hand take his, giving it a gentle squeeze, and he felt the knots in his stomach start to loosen. He turned to Theodore, giving him a grateful smile, and the other boy only nodded. They sat at the table and Harry reached for some food. He had been at Hogwarts long enough now that the rich food wasn't nauseating to him anymore, but it was still a bit much. He grabbed some fruit, porridge, and some buttered toast, then poured himself some orange juice.
"Can't believe they're still talking about you," Theodore muttered, sending a dirty look towards the group of older students sneering at them. Unfortunately, the older students didn't stop sneering once they realized Harry and his friends noticed them. Rather, their sneers and scowls seemed to intensify, and Harry grabbed Theodore to turn him away before the older students could escalate things even further.
"It's fine," Harry murmured, though his heart clenched painfully. "They can't do anything to me." Theodore looked at him with a frown but didn't say anything.
"I can't believe you beat Higgs," Blaise said, a smirk on his face. "Just goes to show that money does not buy talent." He snickered and Harry shrugged.
"He was good," He said, and Blaise only raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, but you were better, even with the shitty school broom," Blaise pointed out and Harry winced. He looked around furtively, searching for said boy, but luckily Higgs wasn't up this early.
"Do you think they'll be angry?" Harry whispered and Theodore and Blaise looked at him, bemused.
"What? Slytherin?" Theodore asked and Harry nodded. He snorted. "They'd be stupid to. You're a natural seeker and once you win a game, they'll see that." Harry only nodded, dread creeping up on him.
"Sure, right, win a game," He murmured, and Theodore patted his shoulder.
"Don't worry, Harry. You're definitely going to win." Theodore's confident smile could not push away the anxiety swirling in his gut, so Harry didn't return Theodore's grin. Luckily, Theodore dropped the subject.
"Does Professor Snape know?" Blaise asked but Harry was saved from answering when three Great Grey owls flew in carrying a large package. He heard everyone as they whispered about who the package could be for, and he also heard as their whispers intensified when the owls dropped the package in front of him.
He could feel his cheeks burning but he picked up the note attached to the package. 'Do not open in the Great Hall' it said on the front, and Harry, as well as Theodore and Blaise, who had seen the note over Harry's shoulder, got up with the package and left the Great Hall.
"What do you think it is?" Theodore asked. The package was a long, narrow box, wrapped in non-descript brown paper. Harry only shrugged. "You should read the note." Harry nodded, handing over the package for Theodore to hold, and opened the letter.
Dear Mr. Potter,
Congratulations on making it on the Slytherin Quidditch team. This item should be of help in winning the cup for your team. Use it safely and responsibly.
"Who's it from?" Theodore asked and Harry shrugged.
"Wasn't signed," Harry said, and Theodore furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he eyed the package warily.
"You don't think it's dangerous, do you?"
Blaise shook his head. "No way. These are Hogwarts owls. They wouldn't deliver something dangerous," He argued, and Theodore relaxed, though Harry didn't think that guaranteed anything. He was not very confident in the safety that Hogwarts promised, especially after having stumbled on the very unsafe reason the third floor was out of bounds. A very painful death indeed.
Harry didn't bother voicing his concerns, following Theodore and Blaise into the common room and over to the couches with the package.
"Open it," Theodore said, his voice quiet with wonder. Harry grabbed the paper and ripped it open, and their eyes widened in shock.
"Merlin," Blaise exhaled. "It's the Nimbus 2000!" Harry didn't say anything, eyes narrowed with confusion. Blaise, having seen Harry's expression, grabbed his hands. "Blimey, Harry, this person sent you the top racing broom out right now!" He looked at Theodore then, a similar look of excitement on his face. "This will definitely help you win!" Harry nodded, though he turned his attention away from his awestruck friends and instead focused on the letter.
He turned it this way and that and then held it close to his face, studying the curves of the letters, the swoops of the y's and the g's, the odd flourish of the q. It was very familiar writing and he smiled.
"C'mon, Harry, we best get to class," Theodore said, and Harry nodded, grabbing his broom, and running up to their dormitory. He shoved it under his bed before racing back down the steps to the common room and the three of them ran down the halls to Herbology.
"Best not tell anyone about the package, Harry," Blaise whispered, and Harry nodded. He was certainly not looking forward to his housemates' reactions when they learned about what he got and who sent it to him.
Their classes today were rather uneventful and almost easy (though it would never be easy, not with the risk of losing control), yet Harry was still very glad when it was over. He followed Blaise and Theodore, who did not seem to be quite done with school yet, heatedly debating about what they had discussed in transfiguration, and then left them to it when they arrived at their common room. Harry walked up to their dormitory, quickly changing out of his robes into his muggle clothes. He was still practically swimming in Dudley's cast offs, but after a month or so here eating proper portions, he didn't seem as skeletal as he used to.
After changing, he headed back down and out of the common room, waving goodbye to Blaise and Theodore. Blaise managed to give him a small wave back, but Theodore, still wrapped up in their discussion, hardly noticed. Which Harry was fine with, he didn't need any extra questions.
He walked until he was at Professor Snape's door and only then did his confidence waver, hesitating a moment before knocking softly on the door. It was only a few seconds before the door swung open and he stepped in.
"What do you need, Mr. Potter?" Professor Snape asked from his desk. Harry stopped in front of him, glancing down at his hands. Professor Snape looked up; eyebrow raised. "Well?"
"I just wanted to say thank you," Harry blurted out, eyes darting up to meet Professor Snape's. His Head of House stiffened, eyes narrowing. "For sending me the broom."
Professor Snape sniffed, his expression softening slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about," He said primly, but Harry saw an amused glint in his eye and the corner of his mouth twitched up slightly. Harry smiled.
"Of course not," Harry assured quickly. "But still, thank you, sir." Professor Snape rolled his eyes, but Harry saw the small smile and he grinned back before running out of the room.
He stepped into the common room, angling towards Blaise and Theodore, but Draco blocked his path before he could make it. He eyed the other boy warily and Draco only narrowed his eyes angrily.
"How'd you do it, Potter?" Draco hissed and Harry raised an eyebrow.
"Do what?" He asked, voice calm and even, betraying no emotion. Not that Draco made him feel much of anything, neither fear nor anger, maybe sometimes annoyance at best. The boy was inconsequential compared to the other bullies he had faced before.
"How'd you trick all of them into thinking you're so amazing? How'd you manage to steal everything?" He snarled and Harry furrowed his eyebrows, confused.
"What? Who?" He asked, glancing around. Slytherin didn't think much of him at all, he thought. Surely Draco could hear the awful things they had been saying about him. He turned to the other boy expectantly. Draco scowled.
"You know who!" He threw up his hands, his eyes darting to Theodore and Blaise. Harry paused, understanding washing over him, and he felt a flash of pity.
"You're jealous," He stated, and Draco's eyes widened before he scowled, shaking his head.
"Of you? Why the hell would I be jealous? I have everything you have and more," He snapped. "I still have my parents." Harry didn't say anything, staring at Draco, and the silence stretched between them, both boys studying the other. Though Harry, even if he didn't feel much of anything towards Draco, didn't think Draco felt the same. He could practically feel the anger pulsing off the boy, could feel the hatred in his gaze.
"You know, I didn't steal Blaise and Teddy from you. They made their own decisions," He said, breaking the silence. Draco stiffened, his eyes widening again, and Harry saw a flash of hurt cross Draco's face.
But then it was gone, and Draco was back to anger. "Yeah, well, they were my friends first!" He hissed. "And now you got the seeker position before anyone else even had a chance to try. It isn't fair!"
Harry gave him a humourless smile. "Life isn't fair," He said, the common muggle expression coming to mind. Draco scowled at him, and Harry paused, sighing softly. "I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I didn't mean to." He paused. "And I'm sorry again, about the hex." Draco studied him intently, his expression losing some of the anger for a second, before Harry saw his walls come back up and the blonde boy sent him a cold glare.
"You're just as devious as the rest of us, Potter," Draco hissed. "Don't think your muggle-loving hero parents make you any less cruel than all of us. Any less dark."
Harry could only stare at the other boy in shock. "No. I'm not, I'm nothing like you," He managed to choke out and Draco sneered viciously.
"Of course you are, Potter. You're here, in Slytherin, aren't you? The House of dark wizards?" Draco's face twisted cruelly, his eyes flashing. "Your parents would be ashamed of you. Ashamed of having died for you." Draco snickered and Harry felt his breathing grow rapid.
"My parents loved me," He whispered quietly, glaring at the other boy. Draco laughed.
"Yeah? And what about now?" Draco asked. "Do you really think your Gryffindor parents could love a son like you? Someone who got put into Slytherin?" Harry's eyes widened and he gasped in shock. Draco smiled cruelly. "Something must have really gone wrong with you, to have you end up here." Draco's eyes flashed, his expression growing angry. "Something rotten, something evil." Draco was in front of Harry now, his mouth at his ear. "No one wants you here, freak." Harry jerked away, staring at Draco with wide eyes, and Draco gave him one last sneer before stalking off. Harry watched the boy go, his heart hammering in his chest.
He wasn't evil. He wasn't dark. He wasn't like Draco and the other students in their House, with their cruelty and sadistic pleasure in making sure he knew where his place was. He wasn't like the bullies that attacked him in elementary school, wasn't like his brute of a cousin, or the other boys that either went along with it or avoided him out of fear, leaving him to be the one to suffer. He wasn't like the neighbours who, at worst, delighted in shunning him and spreading rumours and at best, ignored all the signs.
He wasn't like the Dursleys, who shamed and punished and hated him, simply because of something he couldn't control. He wasn't someone who preyed on those with less power than him, who delighted in making sure they knew how helpless they were. He wasn't someone who spread lies about someone so that they had no one left, no one who believed and was willing to look a little closer.
He wasn't. He was nothing like them.
The darkness roiled inside of him, and his heart stuttered. He wasn't like them, he wasn't evil. The darkness pushed against his heart, and he threw his hands against his ears, closing his eyes. He wasn't bad. He was good. He was trying so hard to be good, he was.
Harry turned sharply and headed up to his dormitory. He couldn't focus on anything, barely registering any sights or sounds as he stumbled up the stairs to his bed. Instead of lying on the mattress, he crawled under his bed with his blankets so he could block himself in. He moved all the way to the wall and pushed his head up against the sharp bricks, the pain grounding him and calming the roaring noise in his head.
Maybe he wasn't like them, wasn't dark or cruel. But he was a freak. And that was what made him wicked, made him bad. Made him other. There was something wrong inside of him.
His magic roared and he closed his eyes, letting himself get lost in the darkness.
Harry worked on his assignment, the only noise between him and Professor Snape the sound of their quills scratching across their paper. However, unlike before, the silence was not a tense, uncertain silence. Now it was almost pleasant. Harry glanced over at his professor, who was staring down at the assignment he was marking with a furrowed brow. The man sighed in frustration, shaking his head as he made a slash with his quill and put the paper in the 'did not pass' pile. The 'did not pass' pile was far bigger than the 'somewhat adequate' pile and both were practically mountains compared to the 'success' pile. Harry almost felt bad for the fifth-year students that did those assignments. Professor Snape was likely not going to be happy their next class when he had to hand back over fifteen failed assignments.
Pretty soon, the two of them were done with their work, and Harry was putting away his things when he heard the man clear his throat. Harry stiffened, glancing up at the man. Professor Snape was watching him with an inscrutable expression, though Harry did not see any hostility in his gaze.
"Mr. Potter," Professor Snape began, and Harry nodded hesitantly. "I have some more questions about the incident that happened two weeks ago." A flash of fear coursed through him. He didn't understand why the man was bringing it up again and he looked at his hands. "Can you elaborate on why it occurred?"
"I lost control, sir," He said quietly. "I don't know why. I'm usually very good at controlling it, but-" Harry shrugged helplessly, risking a glance at the man.
Professor Snape was scowling. "I wasn't asking about your control. I was asking about the comment you made. About not liking to be touched." There was something in the man's tone, something different from the frustration, which made Harry instantly wary, his hair standing on end and a sudden itch all over his skin, like tiny pinpricks. The man's eyes were piercing, watching him like a hawk, and he felt like a lab rat being studied.
"What about it?" Harry asked slowly and Professor Snape narrowed his eyes.
"I want to know why you said it," The man said, his voice growing impatient. Harry gritted his teeth, turning away. He glared across the room at the bubbling cauldron, a potion Professor Snape had been working on for the past week, as he tried to wrangle in his emotions. "Why don't you like being touched?"
"I just don't," Harry said, giving a haphazard shrug, and kept his eyes on the potion. The silence crept back in, and Harry fidgeted in his seat, his body sore from the tenseness of his muscles.
And then suddenly the quiet was broken by the sound of Professor Snape's chair moving backwards as he went to stand up, and Harry couldn't help the tiniest flinch as he moved back in his chair in an effort to get as far away from the man as possible. Professor Snape instantly froze, and Harry's eyes darted up to meet his. He was shocked to see the sympathy and concern in the man's gaze, but it only served to make Harry even more wary, and he gritted his teeth, looking back down at his hands.
"You know, Mr. Potter, Hogwarts is a safe space," Professor Snape finally said, his voice gentle, and Harry stiffened even more with uncertainty. "No adult will physically harm you here, no matter what you do." Harry finally looked at the man, who was watching Harry with an intense expression. It was the same sympathetic and pitying expression from before and Harry winced. "That includes me, and Mr. Filch, and all your other professors too."
Harry looked over at the man again, trying to figure him out. What was he trying to gain by telling him all this? What was he trying to get Harry to do? Professor Snape didn't say anything more, waiting patiently for Harry to gather his thoughts with still the same sympathetic, pitying expression on his face.
Harry fought the urge to scream, to shout, to get something familiar out of the man. But there was no scowl on Professor Snape's face, no cruel comments coming out of his mouth, and Harry just wanted to know what game the man was playing at. How long was this going to last before it all fell apart? Before it returned to the anger and hostility? Was it until Harry relaxed and let his guard down, showed that he believed all this? Or was it until he crossed some invisible line, falling into a trap that was set up on purpose just so he would fail and provide an excuse for the anger and violence that would follow?
Harry did not know, and he stared hard at his hands. "Can I go now?" He asked quietly and glanced up at Professor Snape for only a moment, just enough to see the man nod. Harry nodded in thanks and grabbed his bag, hurrying out the door.
Harry couldn't believe he actually had friends now. And not just Blaise, Theodore, Ron, and Hermione. Neville was now his friend too, and a few Hufflepuffs were starting to like him as well. People liked him. It was a strange feeling, being liked, but it wasn't unpleasant, and Harry found himself more relaxed here than he had ever been at the Dursleys. Not that that was very hard to accomplish. Of course, it wasn't all perfect. Nothing ever was.
Because once they found out, once they found out how much of a freak he was, they wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. Harry knew that day was inevitable. Everyone left once they realized.
It just meant he was going to have to hold on to this for as long as he could.
Harry glanced over at Neville, giving the other boy a wave in greeting as he took his usual seat.
"Hey Harry," Neville said.
Harry smiled slightly. "Hey, Nev."
The other boy smiled back at him, opening his mouth as if to say something more, but before he could, the door slammed open, and the familiar dour professor stalked into the room. Harry shivered.
"Mr. Longbottom. I hope that for all our sakes, you will refrain from turning your potion into a poisonous gas today," Professor Snape said silkily, a mocking sneer on his face. "Hopefully, within the last couple of days, basic reading comprehension skills and common sense have managed to get through your thick skull." Neville burned with embarrassment and Harry gritted his teeth. He wanted to tell the man off, defend his friend, but Harry knew nothing good would come from that. Professor Snape would just punish the both of them.
Once Professor Snape moved away and turned his attention to another student, Harry turned to Neville. "It's okay, Nev," Harry whispered. "Last class wasn't your fault. Malfoy threw something into our potion."
Neville didn't look convinced, but he nodded, giving Harry a wan smile. "Thanks, Harry," Neville said quietly, barely a whisper, and Harry had to lean forward to hear the other boy. He smiled gently, nodding.
"I'll get the ingredients," He offered, knowing Neville would not be able to walk past Professor Snape and still manage to function enough to brew their potion.
"Thanks, Harry." Neville smiled gratefully and again, Harry barely heard him, but Harry only nodded and made his way towards the supply closet.
Harry tried to focus on his homework, aware that he would get in trouble if he showed any sign of distraction in front of Professor Snape, but he couldn't keep his mind away from his anxious thoughts.
"Why are you nice to me during our tutoring sessions, but mean during class, especially to Neville?" Harry finally blurted out, quill fluttering nervously in his hand as he looked up at the man.
Professor Snape's eyes narrowed, and he didn't look very happy. "Would you like me to give you special treatment instead?" The man asked mockingly, and Harry huffed slightly.
"No, but you don't have to be mean. You can be nicer about stuff," Harry insisted, chewing on his lip. He could see the man's anger simmering and he eyed the professor fearfully.
Professor Snape didn't say anything at first, staring at Harry intently with a cold expression on his face. "Your class is filled with incompetent, immature children, and Neville is a danger to himself and others."
Harry felt his own anger flash in response to Professor Snape's contempt. "Neville does well when he's not being insulted! Maybe if you weren't such a bully and didn't scare him during class, he wouldn't be a danger!" Harry almost shouted, his hands clenched tightly. Professor Snape's expression morphed into anger.
"Watch your cheek, Potter," He snapped, and Harry stiffened, taking a deep breath as he sat back in his chair.
"Sorry. For being rude," Harry said in a clipped tone. He hunched forward, keeping his eyes on his hands. "But it's true." He didn't know if Professor Snape heard him, and the silence sat heavy between them.
Harry was certain Professor Snape was going to tear into him, but instead, the man only sighed. "Pack up your things, Potter, and head back to your dormitory," The man said coolly and headed into his office, slamming the door before Harry could say anything else.
Harry instantly felt guilty, and the abrupt dismissal left a sting of hurt. But the guilt didn't last long. What he said wasn't a lie, Professor Snape was a bully. A big, mean, unfair bully. He scowled, his anger growing as he shoved his things into his bag and stormed out of the room.
Harry sat nervously in the Great Hall, picking at his lunch. He hadn't had a tutoring session with Professor Snape yesterday, not after the disastrous one they had the week prior. Professor Snape completely ignored him during Potions. Even when he shot scathing insults at Neville, he never once addressed Harry, barely even looked at him, and he knew the man was angry. Angry enough to want nothing to do with him.
He didn't know why that made him so upset. The man was a big bully! Why should Harry care what the man thought about him? Why should he care that whatever understanding they had seemed to have dissolved? He didn't. He wouldn't. He really didn't care, he really, really didn't.
Harry gritted his teeth, biting his lip hard to prevent the tears from falling. Why did he have to say all that? Why did he have to ruin it? He was right, at least, he had thought he was right, but why did he have to say it out loud? Why couldn't he have just been good and kept his mouth shut? Harry shook his head, hands clenching into fists. He didn't know why he cared. Professor Snape didn't even like him!
Still – Professor Snape leaving – it stung. Harry didn't want it to, he fought against it, but it still ached, a familiar, lonely ache. He had known this was going to happen, so he didn't know why he cared. It always happened this way. He was fine with it. He needed to get used to it, because it was going to happen again. Why wouldn't it?
Harry tried to convince himself, tried to quell the nerves, but the more he tried, the more chaotic it got, and the more the darkness grew agitated. He took a harried sip from his juice just as Theodore plopped down on the bench beside him, patting him on the shoulder. The darkness roared.
"Hey, Harry-" Theodore greeted but cut off when Harry hunched forward, coughing on his juice as the other goblets at the Slytherin table shattered, soaking everyone with pumpkin juice. "Woah! You okay?" Harry forced back the fear, pushing the darkness down deep inside him. It wasn't going willingly, and he was panting from the effort by the time it was safely tucked away. He turned to Theodore, face flushed and hot.
"Yeah, sorry. You surprised me," He said hoarsely, his throat sore. Theodore bit his lip, glancing around, but he didn't comment. Harry wasn't sure if his friend knew it was Harry that made the goblets explode, but either way, Theodore didn't ask or comment on it. He glanced around nervously at the rest of their House, but they also didn't seem to think much of it.
"Fucking hell!" One older student cursed.
"Must've been those damn twins," Another hissed, turning to glare at the Gryffindor table.
Harry tuned out the rest of the comments, turning back to his lunch. Blaise joined them then and Harry gave him a nod but couldn't force himself to smile, his emotions in too much turmoil for him to pretend. Blaise eyed him worriedly but didn't comment, turning to Theodore instead. Luckily, neither of his friends made any effort to discuss what just happened and tucked into their lunch instead. Harry picked at his food; his appetite gone.
"Alright. Ready to go the library?" Theodore asked once they were all finished. Harry put his fork down and nodded, immediately getting to his feet. Theodore and Blaise followed and the three of them made their way over to the Gryffindor table. Although there were a few hateful glares sent their way, most of Gryffindor was used to the three Slytherins coming over to their table and barely batted an eye at their friendship with Hermione and Ron anymore.
"Hey, Chosen One!" One of the Weasley twins greeted, slinging an arm around Harry's shoulder. Harry stiffened and shrugged off the boy's arm. George didn't seem to notice. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
"Oi, was it you two that made our cups explode?" An older Slytherin boy passing by the table called out to the twins. Fred and George shared a look before Fred turned to the other boy and gave him a wide, unkind smile.
"If it was us, Flaherty, you wouldn't just have some juice stains to show for it," He said sweetly and the Slytherin boy only rolled his eyes, moving on.
Ron turned to his brothers after greeting Harry, Blaise, and Theodore. "Was it you?" He asked and the twins rolled their eyes.
"We wish," George said, sighing before shaking his head. "But no, it wasn't. There's some sort of protection on the dishes. You can't put any spell, enchantment, charm, curse, or potion in or on the cups, bowls, plates, serving dishes or cutlery." Ron furrowed his eyebrows.
"Why not?" He asked and his brothers gave him a look. Theodore and Blaise seemed to catch on, Theodore's face paling and taking on an almost horrified expression. Blaise gritted his teeth, eyes darting over to the Slytherin table before meeting Theodore's eyes, who winced in acknowledgement. Harry watched the two of them, confused, but turned back to the twins when they continued.
"Think about it, Ron," Fred gestured around the room in a general direction, but his eyes lingered on the Slytherin table. "Not everyone has the best intentions."
Ron didn't look convinced. "And you do?" He asked. George huffed and Fred scowled, the two of them looking genuinely insulted.
"Pulling pranks is different from committing crimes, Ron," Fred said stiffly. Ron watched his brothers with wide eyes, clearly just as shocked as Harry to see the seriousness on their faces. Fred must have seen his confusion because he softened. "Look. A few years ago, there was an incident. Some guy snuck a love potion into a girl's drink and tried to sneak off with her. Dumbledore put the protections up after that."
Hermione, who was listening to their conversation, jumped in then. "Wait, there was nothing protecting people before that?" She asked, appalled. Fred and George nodded.
"No pureblood or halfblood worth their salt eats anything in mixed company without casting a detection charm first," Blaise said, and Hermione frowned. The Weasley boys winced but nodded as well.
"It's an unspoken rule, but everyone knows," Ron said.
Fred shrugged. "Even if a pureblood family isn't involved in the traditional pureblood scene, you never know who wants to gain some influence or power over you," He said and Theodore and Blaise nodded.
Hermione looked troubled. "So, it was only muggleborns that were at risk without the protection then," She said, her voice soft. There was something different in her tone, something sharp and stinging.
"It's a good thing he put those protections up, then," Harry said, just as shocked as Hermione by what he was hearing, especially with how many people here would likely jump at the chance to curse him.
Hermione nodded absently. Harry watched her carefully, but she wouldn't meet anyone's eyes, turning to stare at her hands instead. Harry wasn't the only one to notice Hermione's distress, the others watching her with varying ranges of worry.
"We should get to the library," Blaise said softly, and Harry nodded quickly, turning to his friend but keeping one eye on Hermione. She didn't seem to notice their staring, but she nodded in agreement and stood up.
After the four of them exchanged some more concerned looks, they followed Hermione out of the Great Hall and to the library. They sat at their table, and as usual, ignored Madame Pince's watchful glare.
"So," Theodore said after they all put their bags down, "we're looking for any clue about what he made. Flamel was born in 1313 but he didn't really rise to fame until 1348."
"We've already researched notable events at Hogwarts between 1324 and 1331, so he likely didn't invent whatever is here while he was a student," Hermione said, finally seeming to recover from their conversation in the Great Hall. The boys all paused, watching her with wide eyes, but no one said anything. Hermione cleared her throat and shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot but didn't comment on what had happened. "So, he likely invented it once he graduated. Maybe even after taking an apprenticeship or something similar."
Again, no one said anything but Hermione glared at all of them in the silence, and Harry winced. He could see the others wincing as well, though Theodore and Blaise exchanged worried looks first before also cowing under Hermione's glare.
"Hermione-" Ron began but Hermione scowled at him.
"I'm fine, Ronald," She snapped. Ron gaped at her, and Hermione softened slightly, sighing as she looked down at her hands. "Please, can we just get on with the research?" The group was silent again and Hermione started to shift around nervously, her eyes growing desperate. "Please."
"Sure, Hermione," Ron said quietly, giving her a soft, sad smile. Hermione glanced at him before her eyes darted away.
"Okay, thanks." She nodded again, her spine straightening as she all gave them a stern look. "Well? Hop to it then." Harry, already recognizing the familiar gleam in her eyes, hurried away, not wanting to stick around for when Hermione got into 'research' mode. She was terrifying.
Theodore sidled up to him. "Harry. We should talk about it," He whispered. Harry shook his head.
"You heard her. She doesn't want to," He said, and he heard Theodore sigh exasperatedly.
"I'm not talking about Hermione. I'm talking about you. About what happened in the Great Hall." Theodore was trying to meet his eye, but Harry stayed frozen, staring at the bookshelf. The two of them stood like that, in silence, and Harry started to read the different titles in front of him, mind drifting, trying to push this conversation away, make it stop. Theodore sighed again. "C'mon Harry, we can't just leave it like that." Harry could only shake his head. "Harry-"
"Teddy," Blaise said softly, interrupting the other boy, and Harry glanced over at Blaise. "Don't."
Theodore huffed. "Why not? Why can't we talk about it?" He glared between the two of them and Harry clenched his jaw, refusing to look at the boy. "Harry, please. We can't help you if you don't talk to us." Harry remained as he was, barely daring to even breathe. He just wanted them to go, just wanted them to leave him alone.
"Teddy," Blaise warned and after another angry glance between Blaise and Harry, Theodore finally let it drop with a huff. Harry watched the boy go, his anxiety growing. Was this it? Did Harry's freakishness in the Great Hall finally push the other boy away? Did Theodore finally realize, finally see?
Harry fell to the ground, the despair and hopelessness washing over him. Draco was right. There was something inside of him that went wrong. There had always been something wrong inside of him, right from the start. The Dursleys knew this, tried to make it go away, but Harry didn't make it go away, and now it was worse. Now the other wizards and witches could see it too.
"Harry!" Blaise's voice finally broke through the haze and Harry realized the other boy had been calling him for a while. He blinked rapidly and looked up at his friend. "What's going on? Are you okay?"
Harry didn't bother responding, getting to his feet and racing out of the castle. He didn't notice if anyone saw him going into the forbidden forest, but he didn't care. He didn't care if they wanted to punish him. Let them.
He went deeper and deeper into the woods, deep enough that the sunlight barely peeked through the canopy anymore, deep enough that he couldn't see the castle or the Quidditch pitch. Once he was safe, he closed his eyes and let the darkness loose. It roared, ripping branches off trees, destroying the plants around him, and gouging a giant crater at his feet. He clenched his fists, feeling a scream growing in his throat, and after so long holding it all in – from the other students, from the Dursleys – he let it out.
People were leaving him already – Professor Snape, Theodore – and he didn't know why. He didn't know what he had done wrong, why he ended up the way he did. He wanted it out, he wanted it gone.
He screamed again and the darkness roared with him.
Harry had avoided his friends for the rest of the weekend, which was quite hard to do, considering they lived in the same dormitory. But somehow, he managed.
He stared at the ground, sitting in the grass outside the greenhouses. He had skipped breakfast and came here early in an effort to avoid his friends. He thought he had succeeded, but no such luck, of course.
"Harry," Theodore said quietly, and Harry stiffened, staring hard at his hands. "Are you angry at me?"
Harry startled, eyes darting up to meet Theodore's. "What?" He asked. Theodore winced, looking away.
"Are you angry?" He asked. "If you are, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed. I know you didn't want to talk about it, and I'm sorry." Harry shook his head.
"No, no, that's not it. I'm not angry," Harry rushed to explain, glancing away in embarrassment. He ripped the grass from the ground, needing to keep his hands busy. "I thought you were angry. I thought-" He paused, swallowing thickly. Theodore laughed in relief and Harry looked up at him warily.
"No, I wasn't angry," He said, shrugging. "I was worried, but I wasn't angry." Harry felt incredibly foolish.
"Oh," He said, voice small. "I'm sorry." Theodore shook his head.
"No, don't apologize, it wasn't your fault." He smiled at Harry and sat down beside him. "I guess we both misunderstood each other." He bumped Harry with his shoulder and Harry smiled. He felt relieved and incredibly happy that he was wrong, that Theodore had come back, but the anxiety was still there.
"I thought-I thought you were angry, about what I did in the Great Hall. I thought you didn't want to be friends with me anymore." Harry was back to ripping the grass out of the ground, unable to look at the others. "First, Professor Snape, and then you-" Harry swallowed thickly, shrugging his shoulders. "I thought you had left, and I didn't know why." Harry looked at Theodore then, who was watching him with a sad, sympathetic expression.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I wasn't leaving, though," Theodore promised, and Harry nodded quickly.
"I know. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, that I avoided you," He said and Theodore smiled.
"It's okay. I guess we now know that we should just talk to each other instead." Theodore laughed and Harry chuckled along with his friend, nodding.
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," He said, relief finally settling in, his anxiety finally fading away. Theodore smiled again before getting to his feet.
"C'mon, we still got time before class. Let's get some food." Theodore held out his hand and Harry nodded, taking his friend's offered hand after only a few seconds of hesitation.
"Thanks, Teddy," Harry said.
Theodore smiled. "Of course, Harry. We're not going anywhere."
"I can't believe it's Halloween!" Theodore said, practically skipping towards the Great Hall. "We always had a party for Halloween at home, but I doubt the feast we made there even compares to Hogwarts!"
Harry and Blaise nodded, Blaise a little more excited than Harry about the celebrations. The Dursleys hated Halloween. Hated anything remotely related to magic, so Harry never got to celebrate. Of course, Dudley did, but that was only because there was no way his parents were going to be able to stop him from getting candy without a massive, destructive tantrum. Obviously, Harry got nothing, but Harry didn't really care. Now that he knew what had happened on Halloween when he was a baby, what it led to, he liked the holiday even less.
Unfortunately, before they could make it to the Great Hall, Draco and his goons appeared. The darkness growled in Harry's chest, and he glared at the other boy.
"Oi, Potty!" Draco sneered and Harry rolled his eyes, ignoring the boy. "Halloween means you can dress up and pretend to be something you're not. Are you going to dress up as someone with parents who love them?"
Harry glared. "If I am, then I guess I won't be dressing up as you, huh, Draco?" He said, crossing his arms, and Draco scowled.
"Why don't you fuck off, Malfoy?" Theodore said before Draco could come up with a retort. Draco sneered.
"I don't need to listen to the likes of you, Nott," Draco snarled, and Theodore narrowed his eyes in anger.
"And what's that, Draco? Hmm?" Blaise asked, giving Draco his 'I think you're stupid and this conversation is boring' smile. Draco turned his glare onto Blaise.
"That both of you are just some blood traitors and cowards, cozying up to the Boy-Who-Lived just to try and save your own skins," He drawled.
"Right," Theodore said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "That's the reason we decided to be friends with Harry and not you. Not because you're an annoying little twat."
Draco's eyes flashed. "Fuck you, Nott." He scoffed, eyeing the other boy in disgust. "Wow. Your father wasn't impressed with you before and he certainly isn't now." He made a mocking sympathetic face. "I feel for you, Nott. I know how much your father's love is tied to his opinion of you." He shook his head. "Must hurt, knowing none of your parents love you. Your mother left and your father couldn't possibly love a blood-traitor." Draco laughed, but he didn't get to laugh long, his voice choking off when Theodore's fist connected with his jaw.
Draco shouted in surprise and Crabbe and Goyle leapt into the fight, aiming for Theodore, which brought Harry and Blaise into the fight as well. Harry joined Theodore, his fist connecting with Goyle's shoulder, knee slamming into Crabbe's back. Blaise went after Draco, tackling him to the ground and preventing him from leaving.
Harry turned his attention to Crabbe and Goyle, and Harry managed to get a lucky shot in, kicking Crabbe in the crotch, which gave Theodore the opportunity to punch him in the nose. Harry heard a sickening crack, and he knew Theodore broke his nose. Still, Crabbe managed to stay on his feet and tackled Theodore to the ground. Goyle turned his attention to Harry, and Harry barely managed to step back before Goyle had him pinned against the wall. The bigger boy's arms were almost twice the size of Harry's and easily held him in place, slamming him against the wall over and over. Harry could feel his ribs cracking against the wall and his skull start to bleed.
And he could feel the darkness start roiling and writhing inside of him. He didn't even bother holding it back when it finally lashed out, throwing Goyle off him and across the room, his unconscious body slumping onto the ground. Harry fell to his knees, panting raggedly, and turned to his friends. Unfortunately, it wasn't his friends who had seen his display of magic. It was Draco, who was now staring wide-eyed at Harry.
"You're all going to get into so much trouble, especially you, Potter!" He shouted, throwing his arms around, face twisted into a vicious expression, his lip bloody. "What the hell did you do to Goyle!?" He shook his head before turning to Blaise and Theodore, his expression darkening even more. "I'm going to tell my father, Nott, who's going to tell your father about how much of a blood-traitor you are, how you've sided with them, even became friends with a mudblood!" Draco was right in Theodore's face again and Theodore took another swing, punching Draco hard enough for the other boy to stumble. Before Draco could retaliate, Theodore had his wand out and pointed at Draco's chest.
"Go fuck yourself, Malfoy," Theodore said, his voice filled with cold malice. Draco's eyes widened in shock. "You're just a whiny cowered who no likes because you're an insufferable, arrogant prick." Theodore sneered. "Even Crabbe and Goyle aren't really your friends, they would leave you the second someone else comes along with more power." Theodore took a threatening step forward and Draco stumbled away. "Even I never liked you, Draco. The only reason I tolerated you – the only reason anyone tolerates you – is because of who your father is. But you, Draco? You're no one special. You've got nothing that anyone likes." Theodore's expression was almost blank with how unfeeling and cruel he was, and Harry almost felt bad for Draco, especially when the other boy's face lost its angry look and took on a genuine expression of hurt and shock. But if Theodore noticed, he didn't care, and the three of them watched as Draco ran off. Theodore sighed.
"That was cruel, Teddy," Blaise murmured softly but Theodore ignored him, making his way over to Goyle instead and waking him up.
Goyle stared at them before looking at Harry, his eyes widening in horror. Theodore saw his expression and his own darkened again. He grabbed Goyle and dragged him over to Crabbe, who was sitting against the wall and had watched the entire exchange with Draco. He didn't look as angry, now that Draco was gone, just contemplative and more thoughtful than Harry had ever seen him before. Theodore turned to the two of them.
"You won't breathe a word of this to anyone. Not to Professor Snape, not to the other Slytherins. No one. You won't tell them it was us, and you won't tell them what Harry did. Because if you do, you know what I can do. What I know, and what can happen to your fathers," Theodore said and Crabbe and Goyle nodded, wide-eyed and fearful. Theodore smiled. "Good." With that, he turned on his heel and headed the Great Hall.
Harry hesitated, glancing at Blaise, who's worried look mirrored his own. "Is Teddy okay?" Harry whispered. "He was-that was…" He trailed off, unsure how to describe it. Blaise nodded.
"He's going to be angry with himself later, I think," Blaise murmured worriedly. "But right now, I think he's still to angry to feel anything else." Harry nodded, glancing down at his hands.
"He was kind of scary," Harry admitted, quietly, and he almost thought Blaise didn't hear him.
But the boy did, nodding with Harry. "I know. It scares me too." They shared one last look before hurrying after Theodore and joining him at the Slytherin table.
"Hey, look! They've got treacle tart! I know you love that, Harry," Theodore said excitedly, as if nothing had happened. He'd even wiped off the blood and managed to cover up any cuts or bruises. It didn't even look like he'd gotten into a fight, and Harry would have believed that if not for the almost manic gleam to Theodore's eyes, as if he was forcing himself to be as happy and excited as possible so he wouldn't have to think about how different he was just moments before. Harry exchanged another look with Blaise but neither brought up their concerns, sitting down instead. Theodore passed Harry a plate of treacle tart, and Harry smiled, looking at his friend.
"Thanks, Teddy," He said and Theodore nodded, smiling brightly back at him.
"Of course, Harry!" He said chirpily and then dove back into his meal.
They continued like that, Theodore animated and excited and Harry and Blaise worried but trying to hide it. Not that Theodore noticed past his attempt to not think about what had happened, which was a good thing, Harry thought.
The only time Theodore's mask seemed to slip was when Crabbe and Goyle came into the Great Hall, and everyone noticed the cuts and bruises on their faces and Crabbe's obvious broken nose. Professor Snape was beside them in an instant and they were gone again, most likely heading to the Hospital Wing. Theodore watched them, expression blank and stiff. Harry and Blaise watched Theodore, trying to make sure their friend didn't fall apart.
But after Crabbe and Goyle were gone, and Professor Snape returned to the Great Hall and didn't immediately come over to the three of them to give them detention, Theodore was back to happy and excited, and Blaise and Harry forced themselves to smile. Though Harry exchanged a look with Blaise, and he knew they were going to address this with Theodore once Halloween was over.
The second time Theodore's mask slipped was when Quirrell came barrelling into the Great Hall with talks of trolls, and they realized Draco never came to the feast.
"A troll! In the dungeons. Thought you ought to know." Quirrell collapsed into a dead faint, falling to the ground. Harry raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. Theodore glanced at the professor as well and sighed, his expression more annoyed than fearful.
"C'mon. We should probably go with them," He said, nodding towards the first, second and third years that had lined up already. Blaise and Harry moved to stand up as well when Harry paused, glancing around.
"Hey, where's Malfoy?" Harry asked. Blaise froze, looking at him with dawning horror, but Theodore didn't say anything, his expression going blank and cold again.
"Shit, yeah, where is he?" Blaise said, glancing around the Great Hall. "He never came to dinner after the fight." Theodore gritted his teeth, leaning forward, and both Harry and Blaise looked at him warily.
"And?" He snarled. Blaise and Harry exchanged another worried look. Theodore scowled. "I don't see why we need to risk ourselves for him. It's not like he deserves it."
"It's not about what he deserves," Harry said, studying his friend carefully. Theodore refused to meet his eyes; jaw clenched. Harry sighed. "You can go with the others, Teddy, and cover for us." Blaise glanced at Harry, eyebrow raised, but didn't disagree. "We'll try and find Draco."
Theodore's jaw clicked, his eyes flashing, but finally nodded. "Fine," He said. "Be careful." Harry nodded and Theodore made his way over to the other Slytherins. Once it was clear, Blaise and Harry snuck out of the Great Hall, making their way back to the hallway where they had seen Draco last.
"How did a troll get in here in the first place?" Harry asked rhetorically. Blaise shrugged. "If it was here the whole time, how did it escape? Quirrell himself said that they were incredibly stupid. If it was supposed to be in the castle, the professors would've put up plenty of spells to trap it. A troll would not be smart enough to break wards put up by fully trained wizards and witches."
Blaise's eyes were wide, either from Harry's long-winded rant that was uncharacteristic of him or because he agreed with Harry's points. Harry didn't know which one applied, wizards often denied logic. Case in point, sending half the students to their common rooms in the dungeons when a troll was loose in said dungeons. He did not know who made the rulings (he suspected the Headmaster), but Harry was severely dissatisfied with their decision-making skills.
"You know, you've got a point," Blaise finally said, and Harry grinned, pleased with himself.
"Either the troll managed to get into the castle itself, which is unlikely, they don't often leave the mountains, or it was brought in by the professors or Dumbledore and someone set it loose on purpose," Harry continued. He didn't have to tell Blaise that he suspected the Defense professor in order for his friend to know.
Blaise shook his head in shock or disbelief before glancing towards the door of the Great Hall. "We should tell someone."
Harry wrinkled his nose. "Who? The professors won't go after Quirrell."
Blaise gave him a pointed look. "That's assuming you're correct about him." Harry only shrugged.
"We'll see," He said and Blaise and him exchanged looks. "Right now, we've got more important things."
Blaise heaved an irritated sigh. "Fine. Let's go save that son of a bitch."