I just remembered that I should have mentioned this in the first chapter, but there will actually be some events that detract from the original story and real-life Japan. It's nothing magic-based or anything; it's just some stuff I added to make the story a bit grander and higher stakes. Also, Hachiman's first-year accident still happens, yknow, so they're all bound by fate or whatever.

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PUPPY DOG

It's in animals' nature to live in groups. Carnivores maintain a hierarchy: those who can compete and dominate win, and those who don't, die. Humans weren't animals, of course, but anyone who says we don't behave in such patterns has never been in a high school classroom.

The night had come and gone, and I found myself examining our class's main clique. I didn't know their names besides Yuigahama, just how they looked. It was your typical popular high school group: a dynamic pseudo-couple between an attractive girl and a sports star, some more of the main guy's lackeys, and some other pretty girls who orbited around the main one.

"Hey, what's this thing? Woah, this is seriously cool!" one of the main guy's orbiters, the loudmouth with orange pulled-back hair, approached two kids in the back and checked their Switch out.

"What's up?" one of the other lackeys in the group shouted back.

"Yo, this is totally awesome. Do you mind if I take it real quick?"

"Oh, uh, sure…"

I snorted. That loudmouth didn't get it. I'm sure he thought he was being nice and personable, but one look at those two kids told a different story. He was operating in a different strata of social class, where everyone was 'totally cool' and 'chill' with each other. On the other hand, those two kids were pretty clearly loners, friends sure, but still loners. I glanced back at the main clique fiddling with the Switch like it was some ancient Sumerian tablet they just unearthed. I recognized the importance of being with others on a societal scale; nothing would get done if we were all alone. But in the context of High School life, I chose the bear's path. Bears didn't form groups or packs; they were self-sufficient, highly intelligent creatures that navigated their homelands with careful precision. If you didn't bother them, they wouldn't bother you. Also, they get to hibernate, which is pretty awesome.

I shook my head and put my earbuds in, returning my attention to my phone.

"In other news, Takashi Watanabe was acquitted on all charges this morning, lifting the cloud that had settled over his public figure."

What a joke. I pinched myself internally for even thinking he would get charged, but I couldn't help but hope a little. Watanabe was a high-ranking military official sent to Yokohama to deal with a steelworkers strike in 2012. He gave orders to clear the whole shop floor out and arrest the union leaders, and that's how it went; within the next couple of hours, the strike was cleaned up, and people returned to work. What was not shared, or rather what was hidden, was that Watanabe actively encouraged riot police to violently assault workers and gave them the right to use 'lethal force if necessary.' In the end, four workers were beaten to death, and dozens more were critically injured. To cover the whole mess up, Watanabe used government funds to pay off the families of the deceased. It was about as clear-cut of a case as you could get. Watanabe's fingerprints were all over the mess. But, as expected, he got off completely free.

I sighed and shut the feed down on my phone, tilting my head back to face the ceiling. It really should have surprised me less. Watanabe was a military old guard; no way was he about to let himself get thrown under the bus. A part of me hoped people would have an honest reaction to this; it was sort of a big deal. But they probably wouldn't, a moment of outrage and a shake of the head at most before they moved on to the next piece of news.

I closed my eyes in some sort of silent prayer. And heard nothing in response.

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"Hikigaya, what the hell is this?"

I had ended up writing down my meandering bear thoughts earlier for my biology paper, And Hiratsuka-sensei didn't seem very pleased for whatever reason. "I thought you were a literature teacher," I said, awkwardly scratching my head.

"I give kids life guidance." she sighed, digging a cigarette out of her pocket. "Which is why your biology teacher gave me this very confusing assignment response." she half growled, lighting and taking a long drag of her cigarette. "What part of this answer had to do with the ecology of animals?"

"Well, I decided to take a more liberal interpretation of the prompt."

"Aren't you a communist or something, Hikigaya? Why are you trying to make living in a group seem like a sin?"

"That's not what I was trying to do, but I'm better off alone personally." Computers were good at what they did; one thing a computer could not do was make a friend.

Hiratsuka-sensei looked up at me from her chair with something akin to tenderness in her eyes. "What do you think about Yukinoshita."

Sort of a tricky question. I didn't know how to feel about her yet. "I don't particularly like her."

Hiratsuka let a slight grin dance across her face. "Yeah, that's about what I expected; you're both pretty similar, even If you don't want to admit it. You're both bright students in different ways, but those who 'have' carry their own burdens. Maybe that's why I want to keep you two kids around, so that I can keep an eye on you." Hiratsuka trailed off, mumbling, seemingly thinking aloud now. "Which brings me to what I really called you in for." Hiratsuaka straightened up, looking at me directly. "Hikigaya, do you plan to kill yourself at the end of this year?"

I guess Yukinoshita had snitched. "Yes."

"Okay." Hiratsuka nervously twirled her cigarette in her fingers. "Why?"

I laughed. "It's not like it's something I'm hiding; this world is pretty much doomed. Everyone knows it deep down. I'm not built for it. Maybe if I had been born with a different brain, I could have settled down with the riajuu wave, but I wasn't."

"You can't really think that Hikigaya," Hiratsuka murmured.

"I do, and I will." I had to really send this home now. "When I kill myself, don't feel too bad. You tried; it's more than anyone else besides my sister did."

"What do you need, Hikigaya?" she asked, rubbing her eyes with a genuine tinge of desperation.

"Nothing you can provide me. I've tried everything, over-the-counter drugs, illegal drugs; this isn't a psycho-chemical problem sensei. My body was built for the wrong place and the wrong time. I'm not ever going to get better than this. I'm never going to get over the world," I hammered.

"Okay." she eventually let out. "Okay, you'll stay in the club, though, right?"

"Sure, if that helps reassure you any," I said, picking my bag up. "I'll let you keep an eye on me and Yukinoshita-san."

"Okay." she swiveled to face the window, taking a long drag from her cigarette before blowing it out. It was sort of angelic; the way the sun and smoke wrapped around her head resembled a vague circular halo. "Okay, I can work with that."

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Usually, I had the best place to eat lunch at. Unfortunately, today, I had to stay in class. I begrudgingly drew my gaze to the windows outside. It was a total downpour; on days like this, I had no other option but to just wait lunchtime out in my chair.

"Awww, come on Hayato!"

"Sorry, I can't; I have club today."

"Could you just skip for today? This new ice cream shop opened up downtown, and I totally want to go and get some. I want a chocolate and choco cookie double scoop…"

"Um, Yumiko, those are both chocolates."

"Ha-ha, Hayato is totally right!"

"Shut up! I'm hungry!"

My god. Was that table having a meal consisting of only shouts, loud screams, and hollers? I glared in their direction; I thought their constant commotion would be finished off for the day with the Switch earlier. I guess I had been too hopeful.

"Besides, you probably shouldn't be eating sweets every day, Yumiko." The main guy, Hayato, apparently, told the head chick, Yumiko.

"Hmph, that's not something I need to worry about. I never gain weight even when I eat." she declared haughtily.

"Yeah, Yumiko, your figure is totally god-like!" Geez, talk about debasing yourself. I didn't know Yuigahama well, but I still felt a twinge of guilt for her. "Like your legs are totally perfect. So anyways, like I was saying-"

"Oh, is that so?" the Yumiko chick rudely interrupted. "That Yukinoshita-san girl looks even better, though, right?"

"Oh yeah, Yukinon is pretty amazing…" Yuigahama tapped her lips a little, a slight blush riding on her neck.

"Yukinon?" Yumiko's gaze quickly turned sharp.

"Oh! But, I mean, like, you're still way prettier, Yumiko!"

This was going to get ugly. Yuigahama was a bit of an airhead, so she pretty quickly fell for Yumiko's bait. What a gross thing to do to another person, I don't know how your 'friends' could treat you like that and you be okay with it. I felt bad for Yuigahama, but part of the responsibility fell on her; she needed a new backbone.

"Yknow what, it's just one day of practice. I can come to the ice cream shop with you." Hayato said, standing up from his seat. That's a nice move from Loverboy. Shit was about to be messy.

"Okay, Hayato! Just text me after school, kay?" Yumiko glowed. Talk about a personality switch; she put Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to shame.

That was one of the things I hated most about the present state of things—the necessity of fakeness. If you wanted to move up the world, you wouldn't get there by being your natural self; case in point, me. No, you had to cover yourself up and hide the unique aspects of your personality for an easy-going, marketable vibe. There was no need for genuine critique or thought, no need for criticism, no need for anything but almost total conformity. Just shut up and do your job; that was one of the most disgusting critical ethos of liberalism.

I bit down into my melon pan, staring back at the clique before Yuigahama caught my eyes. She was looking over at me discreetly, with a hint of embarrassment in her face. She straightened up quickly with an almost inaudible yelp and snapped forward.

"Um… I got somewhere to go during lunch." Yuigahama managed to get out, awkwardly twisting her hands behind her back,

"Oh yeah, cool. Could you get me some of that lemon tea?" Yumiko said, absentmindedly waving her hand.

"Uh, but I won't be back until 5th period…So I dunno If I'll be able to come back in time with it."

"Hah? What are you talking about?" Yumiko glared. "You haven't been very sociable lately, Yui."

"Well, it's, how do you say it… Kinda been out of my hands recently."

"Hey, that doesn't tell me anything. Just say whatever you want straight."

"Sorry…"

"Sorry doesn't cut it; you have something you want to say, right?"

Fucking moron, good look bringing your friend to tears in public for not getting you a drink. I didn't get these people, seriously. I glanced over at Yuigahama and bit my tongue. I didn't have an obligation to help her; we barely knew each other. But this was bothering me; seeing her on the brink of tears over such a stupid problem was annoying. Besides, I was basically the lowest common denominator in this class; it's not like dragging any negative attention to myself would hurt my popularity.

I stood up suddenly, chair sketching against the floor in the tension-laid class. "Hey. How about you…"

"Shut up."

I sat back down. Well, I tried, at least. Yumiko had sent over the most venomous look imaginable; she could give some real competition to Hiratsuka-sensei.

"Oh, and yeah, I'll say this for your sake," Yumiko said, returning her attention to Yuigahama. "That wish-washy attitude of yours is really annoying."

"Sorry," Yuigahama muttered, nervously pulling and twisting her hands.

"That again? All you've been doing is apologizing, I sai-"

"Yuigahama-san, where were you?" a cold tone suddenly snapped from the door. Yukinoshita stood there, one hand on her hip, with a completely flat look. "If you're going to invite me somewhere and not show up, I have to wonder what that says about you. You could have at least called me."

Thank god, the tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife.

"Sorry! You never ended up giving me your number Yukinon." Yuigahama gushed moving towards her.

"Hmm, then I suppose it's not totally your fault. I'll let it go this time."

"H-hey! We were still having a conversation over here!" Yumiko suddenly stood up.

"Conversation? That didn't seem like one to me. It looked like you were just yelling your opinions at her."

"Huh?!"

"I'm sorry I didn't notice. I was taken aback for a second as I believed you were an ape about to attack me," Yukinoshita said, an uncharacteristically warm smile on her face. "If you want to act like a preschooler playing King of the Mountain to act tough, be my guest. But please don't bring it towards me. Your whole act will flake off, like your tacky foundation."

Man, and I thought she was going in on me during club; that was brutal.

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about? You're not making any sense." Yumiko managed to bite out, looking completely disoriented.

"Okay, okay, I think that's enough, Yukinoshita-san." Here came Hayato; if there was one thing I hated more than a moralist, it was a centrist. Hayato seemed like that exact type of guy. Always the one to mediate and figure it out, and never the one able to have an actual opinion on anything.

Yukinoshita huffed for a moment, looking towards Yuigahama. "I'll go on ahead then."

Yuigahama perked right back up. "I'll be right behind you! Don't worry."

I guess everyone took that as their signal to get the hell out of here. A smattering of "Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom'' and ''I'm actually going to get a drink'' erupted in the room. I was among them. If the pressure in this room increases any more, I'm worried my head might pop.

"Thanks Hikki… for standing up for me."

Yuigahama let out a low whisper as I passed by her to the door. I ignored it; I didn't do anything. In fact my attempt to help was so pathetic it got shot down immediately. Yuigahama was a nice girl; that's why she thanked me. It wasn't out of any genuine appreciation or thanks. It was just the 'right' thing to do.

I sighed as I stepped out of the room, leaning back on the hallway railing attached to the window before I noticed Yukinoshita directly left the door. "I thought you were going ahead?"

"Were you listening in on me and Yuigahama-san? Creep."

I rolled my eyes. It wasn't like you just had a reality TV showdown in front of everyone or anything. "It's not like you two were being discreet exactly; why are you lounging around here?"

"I wanted to see something." Yukinoshita vaguely preened. "Now quiet."

I was about to interrupt before a voice cut through the quiet pitter-patter of the rain.

"-that's why I started thinking that maybe I shouldn't keep trying to follow everyone else. I mean, like Hikki is a total recluse, right? He acts like he's sleeping during breaks and laughs when reading books; it's kinda creepy yknow?"

Yukinoshita did a poor job trying to stifle her laugh as a cough. "You do that laugh in class too? I thought you would only do such a thing in the club room. It really is creepy; you should stop it." She said, looking up at me and collecting herself.

"If it's such a problem, you should have said something," I mumbled.

"No way; I don't want to talk to you when you're acting creepy."

Tch. It wasn't the first time someone had brought my smile or laugh up. Komachi seemed to be the only one okay with it, and even then, sometimes, she poked fun at me for my "otaku villain" laugh. It used to hurt my feelings when I was younger. I remember crying under the school auditorium during lunch because the other kids wouldn't play with me. It was stupid; it was weak. It stopped bothering me after enough time, you build up a resistance to it.

"-It's not that I don't like you, Yumiko." Yuigahama's voice drifted back to the hall. "So, do you think we could still be friends?"

"Haah. I guess so." Yumiko's voice followed after a short pause.

"Sorry, thanks," Yuigahama murmured.

"Well, I guess she can say it." Yukionshita lightly smiled before moving down the hallway to the special building.

I guess she was just waiting around to see if Yuigahama could stand up for herself. I wasn't going to lie; she impressed me. I didn't think Yuigahama had it in her to turn someone down so clearly. The door suddenly rolled open, and Yuigahama stepped out.

"Huh? Hikki? Wait, were you standing outside listening to all that?!"

"Uh, listening to w-what?" Nice job, moron; that was the most unconvincing thing I had ever said.

"You totally were!" Yuigahama yelled at me, "Creepy! Stalker! Pervert! You're seriously creepy!"

"You used creepy twice."

"Doesn't matter!" she huffed. "It was your fault, anyway. Stupid," she said, sticking her tongue out at me before chasing after Yukinoshita and linking arms with her. It was weird how close the two had gotten, but all the better for me; if I were going to deal with them, I would rather it be friendly.

I pushed my earbuds back in and headed for the door.

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The Watanabe conviction was bigger than I was giving it credit for; his release set a precedent for Japanese courts, basically giving them the ability to pardon any high-ranking governmental official on the basis that their removal would "cause great unrest in the government." basically, as long as you were vital enough for the bureaucracy you could do whatever you wanted. It wasn't unprecedented; the Americans already had a similar system. But it was still concerning; Japan has been a de-militarized country since WW2 all up until the modern era. The Americans basically ensured that Japan didn't have the capabilities to form a fearsome army ever again. But with Watanabe getting off the hook and more discussion of Article 9 being struck down by the national diet, the very thing that prohibited a military build-up, it looked like we were gearing up for something, something that I had no interest in this country getting involved in.

I paused at the halfway point of the hallway, I had been heading to the Service Club room, but Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were clogging it up, looking into the room at something. Almost fearfully? "Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?"

"Ah!" "Mph!" the two jumped backward, clearly surprised.

"Could you not sneak up on us like that? I almost feared for my life, seeing those dead fish eyes." Yukinoshita said, slowly fixing her hair back into place.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry. So seriously, why are you guys looking in like that."

"Um, there's someone kinda suspicious in the club room." Yuigahama nervously said.

"What?" A suspicious person? What was that supposed to mean? I doubt school security just let some guy in. I opened the door fully, stepping in, and was met with a quite large, white-haired man in a trenchcoat muttering to himself.

"Keh-keh-keh. Well, imagine meeting you here." The stranger creepily laughed. Maybe I could see what Yukinoshita was saying about mine; more importantly, though, did I know this guy? "I've waited for this moment for so long, Hikigaya Hachiman!" The stranger finally fully turned, hitting a weird HxH-inspired pose, giving me a good look at his face.

Oh, it was just- "Zaimokuza." I let out with a less-than-enthusiastic tone.

"You know him?" Yukinoshita asked a slight twinge of disgust in her tone.

"No, not really."

"Oh-ho-ho, don't tell me you've already forgotten me, comrade!" Zaimokuza shouted, pulling a replica samurai sword from his belt. "You disgust me, Hachiman!" he finally declared, leveling the sword to his head.

"But he's saying he's your partner…" Yuigahama mumbled, looking up at me with the same twinge of disgust and pity as Yukinoshita.

"That's right, comrade! Don't tell me you've already forgotten those hellish times we went to together!"

"Oh yeah, we probably got paired up with in gym class," I muttered. It was true, we had. Apparently, the other guys thought Zaimokuza was too fat to play tennis competitively, so the gym teacher stuck him with me.

"Truly an evil custom indeed." Zaimokuza quietly spoke to himself. "An attempt at humiliating a great warrior such as myself! "Pick whoever you want," they say. I have no time for such trivialities! I have been tasked with containing a great evil in this land!"

…

I glanced behind me at Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, who were both using my body as a sort of shield, glaring at Zaimokuza with a mixture of annoyance and pity. Okay, this guy was seriously starting to lower my stock value. "What do you want, Zaimokuza?"

"So you do know him!" Yuigahama mumbled in a frustrated tone.

"Who is this?" Yukinoshita turned to me.

"Ahem." Zaimokuza took a deep breath and held a sword-drawing stance. "I am the Kengo Shogun, Zaimokuza Yoshiteru!"

Yukinoshita glanced over, unimpressed. "So, your friend wants something?"

"Not my friend," I grumbled

"Correct, I have no need for friends." Zaimokuza declared confidently. "Seriously. Not one." he grimaced.

Okay, now I was starting to feel a little bad; this was getting seriously sad.

"Anyway, Hachiman!" he suddenly shot up, pointing at me. "This is where the Service Club resides, no? I was told by one Hiratsuka-sensei that this is where it would be found."

"Yes. This is the service club." Yukinoshita politely responded.

Zaimokuza seemed to look over at her for a solid five seconds before turning back to me. "Ah-ha! I thought so! If my information is correct, you must grant my wish for me." he said, crossing his arms and pushing his glasses up. "After all these countless centuries, our bond is still of servant and master; how humorous. Could it possibly be the guidance of Hachiman Daibosatsu?"

"We do not grant wishes. We only help those that need it." Yukinoshita continued.

Zaimokuza did his weird look thing again before turning to me. "Then, Hachiman! Lend me your assistance! As I remember it, our bond is that of equals. Let us set out and change this world in our image!"

"I thought you just said I was your servant."

"Bah!" Zaimokuza waved his arm at me. "Such trivialities are unimportant; I'll forgive such…" Zaimokuza slowly trailed off as he turned to look at Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. That look of theirs had only ramped up the more he talked. He almost instantaneously snapped back to me.

"Hey, why are you looking at me?" Seriously, he wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he didn't want to talk to the girls.

"Hikigaya-kun, a moment please." Yukinoshita suddenly pulled on my sleeve. She pulled me close to her, a little too close for my taste, and whispered in my ear. "What does he mean by 'Kengo Shogun'?"

I wasn't going to lie; the closeness made me blush a little. "It's just called being a Chunibyo."

"A Chunibyo?"

"It's when you deluded yourself into believing that you exist in an alternate timeline where you're a great Japanese ronin or a mage or something. It's usually born out of a lack of attention from others, so you make up for it by pretending that you have some secret power or information."

"I still don't really get it," Yuigahama said, shivering a little.

"So, you're saying he's essentially playing out a performance he put up for himself." Yukinoshita pondered.

"Yeah, basically. And because he happens to have the same name as the thirteenth Muromachi shogun, I guess he ended up crafting this fantasy for himself."

"So why does he call you his partner?" Yukinoshita asked.

"My name is similar enough to Hachiman Daibosatsu, a bodhisattva held in high esteem as the God of War by the Seiwa Genji."

"Hmm, I'm surprised. You're quite well informed, actually," Yukinoshita muttered, to herself mostly.

The compliment took me back for a second, but I managed to regain control. "Well, it could be worse. At least he's basing it off of historical sources."

"Are there others worse than him?"

"Oh yeah, big time."

"Like yourself?" Yukinoshita prodded while Yuigahama shrank beside her, mumbling what sounded like a "Creepy…"

"Well, I might have thought like that once but not anymore." I grimaced. I used to be afflicted by middle school syndrome like Zaimokuza. It was a way for me to escape and feel better about myself. I hadn't yet concerned myself with worldly problems and mostly used it as a coping mechanism to deal with the fact that I had no friends. It used to really eat away at me, the desperation for connection, but It wasn't something I was afflicted by anymore. I function more effectively like this.

"Yukinon, be careful…"

"So, if I understand correctly, you came to the Service Club to request assistance for your mental disability?"

"*HGGH*" Zaimokuza let out a pathetic wheeze. "No! No! I came to collect on my wish that you have been obligated to grant!" He said wildly, flailing at me. "I'm one of the most–"

"I'm the one talking to you right now. Look at me when I'm speaking to you." I guess Zaimokuza's inability to talk to the opposite sex had caught up to him. As he shamefully turned to face Yukinoshita.

"HAHAHA! Well, do excuse-"

"Also, stop talking like that." Yukinoshita snapped, immediately cutting down Zaimokuza. "So, you want us to help you with your illness, yes?"

"Well, it's not really an illness…" Zaimokuza weakly let out, finally talking normally.

I looked around the room, my eyes finally landing on the sheets of paper scattered across the floor. I scanned one of the pages clearly, and suddenly this all made sense.

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"A plan for a novel?" I had finally collected all the trashed papers and set them in the center of the table.

"Correct!" Zaimokuza declared, "These are my plans for a light novel. I'm thinking of submitting it to a youth writers fair, but as I have no friends, as such I came to request the opinions of you three. Please read it!" he finished, bowing his head.

I looked at the title of the manuscript, 'Master Swordsman Academy Series, Nightmare x Nightmare -Black Oak Addition-' this certainly wasn't going to be picking up any Pulitzer Prizes. "Why don't you just post this on a thread somewhere?"

"No way. Those guys are totally ruthless." Zaimokuza murmured.

"Fine, we'll read it." I wanted to help the guy out, for all his faults, he still had a valid request. "But I'm just saying, Yukinoshita-san is probably going to be way more brutal than any of those guys online."

"I accept!" Zaimokuza shouted, looking towards me with a grin.

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"The foundation of this story is a spiritual rift opening in the spacet-"

I found myself waiting at the crosswalk with Zaimokuza, tuning out his light novel ramblings. Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and I had agreed to read over Zaimokuza's manuscript tonight and be ready to start a critique session tomorrow during club. It was a little annoying; this request granted me essentially no time to work on some of my other stuff, but whatever, I could manage.

"Our hero suddenly finds himself in a world-" Jeez, I guess he was still going. The light turned green, and I was about to cross before a long-style black sedan rushed past, cruising through the red light. A dog barked out from the other side, clearly frightened.

Suddenly–a bike, a red leash, a crunch, then a scream.

I shook my head. It was better not to dwell on such things. I looked over at Zaimokuza, still rambling about something or other.

I took a deep breath. And continued forward.

I had a manuscript to read.

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