Dinner at 11:32 pm. At least they had stopped to eat. Light needed to, if he wanted to think clearly. The food had no flavor, only texture. He chewed, swallowed, repeated.
A shower. Necessary after skipping it the day before. Water so hot it was almost scalding. Mirrors and white tiles. Ignore that he's here, just wash your hair.
Too much steam made it hard to breathe, dizzying. "Isn't it too hot?" L had asked once. It was, but Light needed the distraction. The towels always faintly smelled of roses and bleach.
Dried his hair. Changed into pyjamas.
If he could only collapse into a different place without Kira instead of into the bed, he might have felt relief.
"Suppose I'm not Kira. Then, who would be?"
"The answer is something I would not tell the main Kira suspect," L replied, his tone measured.
"Ryuzaki," Light said, his voice earnest. "What I'm telling you now is the truth. You can choose to believe it or not. I'd been following the news about Kira since it became public. When I saw the broadcast you put out, with Lind L. Taylor posing as the real L, I thought you had made a mistake. It was only after the announcement that I realized what you had done, and why. By broadcasting only in the Kanto region of Japan, you narrowed down the suspects from worldwide to a prefecture in Japan in one blow. I thought from that point on, if anyone was going to catch Kira, it would be you." He paused, shifting under the covers. "I wanted to find Kira too," he admitted quietly. "Even though I was just a student lucky enough to have a father as the chief of Tokyo police, I wanted to join the investigation. I knew my father was involved. I just didn't expect you to show up at my graduation ceremony, accusing me of being the main suspect."
Turning his head on the pillow, Light hesitated before meeting L's gaze. "I don't know why… or how all the evidence points to me," he confessed.
L remained silent for a moment, his expression unreadable in the dim light. "Yes. Isn't it a coincidence?" he finally murmured.
They lay in silence, and almost darkness.
Wanting to change the topic, Light said quietly after a while, "... I'd choose Paris."
L blinked. It took him a moment. Light was still thinking about Matsuda's question from the day before.
"That's where you would want to go?"
The walls were making their voices echo especially loud tonight.
Light was still looking at him.
"That depends."
"On what?"
"If we survive the Kira case."
"'We'? You really assume that I'm going to keep this chain on forever, don't you? Is that perhaps because you are Kira?"
A half-smile tugged at Light's lips.
"No. It's because I assume you'll never stop suspecting me. Even if I'm not. Even after we catch him."
"Then, while we're speaking in hypotheticals, what if you were Kira, but simply don't remember it?"
Light pretended to consider it for a moment as he studied L's face. "I don't know. But no one should have the power that Kira has. Once you have that kind of power… you're no longer human. It's impossible to answer honestly without actually having it. Of course, I'd like to hope that I'd never use it. But I could ask you the same question. What would you do?"
"L," the broadcast addressed.
All of the task force froze, eyes glued to the TV screen.
"The following is a message for you. From Kira."
The hairs on Light's arms stood up, goosebumps spreading across his skin. His chest tightened, the air in the room suddenly thinning.
"You have seven days to tell me your real name. If you don't, I will have no choice but to kill a member of the task force assigned to investigate Kira. For every seven days that pass without your name, another will die. This is your punishment for defying Kira and the new world order he is creating. After you give me your name, you will face a choice. That choice will determine whether you live or die."
Light's hand instinctively reached out, gripping L's arm tightly. He wasn't sure if he was holding L up or if L was holding him up. The robotic, distorted voice crept into Light's ears, echoing violently.
"You have seven days."
As abruptly as it had begun, the broadcast ended, plunging the room into an eerie silence. The TV screen went dark, leaving only the pale glow of the room's light. Blood drained from L's face, his usually stoic expression replaced with a rare flicker of fear. Light's heart pounded. His eyes fell on L.
"What…" Matsuda broke the silence first, disbelief and panic in his tone. "He… can't…"
"He can't know who we are!" Aizawa interjected, his voice rising with agitation. "It has to be a bluff."
Soichiro shook his head solemnly. "It wouldn't be that hard to know who we are," he said quietly. "When the task force was first created, we asked everyone who wasn't committed to risking their lives to catch Kira to leave. People who knew our names saw who stayed in that room. If Kira has a contact among them…"
"I need to speak with Watari," L said quietly. "Alone."
Light had never noticed before, but the carpet in the floor above their usual workspace smelled musty. The window L usually stared out at when his head started to ache was empty, raindrops clinging to the glass. Light found himself staring at the droplets as L often did, lost in thought as the rhythmic patter of rain continued unabated.
What would you do?
On the other end of the chain was his father. L had trusted him to watch over Light while he spoke with Watari. They'd been in discussion for over an hour, maybe two. Light hadn't checked his watch; it was one hour and thirty-eight minutes, Mogi informed him quietly.
"Have you ever heard…" Matsuda hesitantly broke the silence. "Of a Pyrrhic victory?"
Light almost glanced up and said something. Almost.
A victory that incurs such heavy losses that it was never worth fighting in the first place.
"Why does it feel… like no matter what happens next, no one is going to win?" Matsuda quivered with a mix of fear and resignation.
"Our job is not to win," Soichiro cut through the silence, his expression grave behind his glasses. "It is to protect people in an otherwise lawless society where people are free to murder, thieve, and worse. It is our job to stop Kira. No matter the cost. We knew it… when we decided to join the task force. We knew it was dangerous. We knew it might cost us our lives."
Light's throat tightened.
"Well," Aizawa said sharply. "We apparently have seven days now to find Kira. Like we already weren't on a tight enough schedule. Anyone have any ideas, or should we start planning our funerals now?"
"They said no one would die if L gives Kira his name," Matsuda reminded him.
"And like hell Ryuzaki is going to do that!" Aizawa retorted, his frustration boiling over. "He'd sooner watch us all die than risk his own life. He's nothing but a selfish arrogant ego-driven fo-"
Whatever else Aizawa thought L was, Light didn't let him finish. His fist was already in the other man's face.
Cold water trickled down Light's neck. Blood continued running from his nose.
A heavy sigh came from next to him.
"He deserved it," Light bit out, his voice tight with restrained anger.
Soichiro glanced at his son, his expression a mix of concern and resignation. "I should never have let you join this investigation…" he murmured quietly.
"It's not your fault," Light insisted, bringing more water to his face, "I joined because I wanted to find Kira. Just like you. I wanted to bring him to justice."
Soichiro regarded his son silently, the weight of unspoken worry on his weary face.
"Wanted?"
"I still do."
Tired of watching his own blood trickle down into the drain, Light grabbed one of the rosey bleachy towels to stop the blood.
"Ryuzaki won't consider the possibility that I'm not Kira," Light continued, his voice tinged with frustration. "I know that I'm not. And I don't know if I can find Kira alone."
"L has never been wrong…" Soichiro said. "It's probably hard for him to admit this one time that he might be. I have a son… who is also this stubborn sometimes."
"... How are we going to find Kira in seven days?" Light muttered.
"Maybe we can't," Soichiro admitted reluctantly, his gaze distant. "But we will try."
His father rarely lied, even when the truth was bitter and difficult to swallow.
Light could barely bring himself to look at Misa Amane, but L insisted that he wanted to see her reaction to the broadcast.
Handcuffed back to L's wrist, the chain connecting them once more, L had barely said a word since he told the task force to immediately go home after talking with Watari. He'd snapped the cuff back onto himself ("Yes, Soichiro, that includes you.") and moved quickly to the room where Misa was kept under surveillance.
L's eyes were fixed on her, unblinking, taking in every movement and every word.
"What…?" she breathed after watching all of the broadcast. "You mean, if you don't tell Kira your name, Kira will kill…" Her eyes filled with tears, spilling over onto her perfectly made-up face.
"Light!" Misa ran over and clung to him. "You have to leave the task force! Right this instant! I won't let you die. No, Kira can't kill you. Why would he kill you? Doesn't he only kill criminals? Why is he doing this? It's not fair." She sobbed into his shirt, shaking. "This… can't be happening."
And L watched.
"It was broadcast at exactly 10:24 today. If we don't find Kira in seven days, he will start killing the task force one by one. Unless I give him my name. In which case, he will probably kill me and the remaining task force anyway."
"What?" She was shaking, her mind blinded with thoughts of Light not being alive anymore. In such a world, she couldn't live. She wouldn't.
"Misa," L said, "we need your help. I know you had contact with Kira before."
"I…"
"Tell me who Kira is."
"I…" Her mouth opened and closed. Strawberry or cherry lip balm? This morning, that had been her biggest problem. Which would Light like the smell of most?
"I don't know."
A deviation. A break in the pattern.
As I suspected, this is not the original Kira.
Then who was it?
Would you kill everyone, just to get what you want?
Light tried to ignore the thoughts that were probably taking over L's mind, like ivy choking any chance he might have to convince him otherwise—the poison of doubt, always there, shadowing up the walls and crawling higher and higher.
Seven days was a short time. Yesterday, it had felt like they had none, but now it felt yesterday they'd had plenty. Kira didn't have L's name, and that was the only comfort. But if he didn't get it, Light and everyone else would certainly be dead. Would then, and only then, L finally stop accusing him of being Kira?
"How did you do it?" L rounded on him after they left Misa's room.
"I didn't," Light ground back.
"You must have organized it before you were put under such strict surveillance."
"I don't have any idea what you're talking about! I didn't know this was going to happen!"
"You would really kill everyone?" L seethed. "Even your own father?"
"You will really never believe me when I say, I'm not Kira, will you?!"
"Then why is Misa protecting Kira?"
"She's not! Do you think she would let me die? Even you don't believe that."
L's hand formed a fist, and for a moment, Light thought it would be the second time that day he might be bleeding and mopping his face up with a towel.
"I said I would give my life for you," Light reminded him. "Do you remember that? Then offer mine up to Kira to buy you more time. Go ahead! Then maybe you'll realize that I'm finally not Kira when I'm dead and you have to find him alone. Or maybe you won't. Maybe you'll visit my grave still accusing me," Light's voice was rasping, "while the rest of the task force is murdered until you're the only one left."
Silence stung the space between them.
You're wrong, Light felt like shouting more, but shouting wouldn't help. He didn't know what he wanted to do, but he was burning.
"You talked last night about the previous broadcast Kira made—"
"And that makes me guilty?"
"So many coincidences, Light."
Light grabbed L by the collar and shoved him against the wall.
"We have seven days, Ryuzaki. Seven days to figure this out. If you're not going to help me, then don't get in my way. I don't want to hear another accusation."
L didn't offer another one. He stared back at Light with the same interest he had watched Misa Amane with, and Light hated it. Swallowing, he let go of L's collar.
"You have no idea…" he muttered. "Do you?"
"About what?"
For a moment, Light thought of doing something so insane that he forced it down with a hard swallow. "Ryuzaki," he said, placing both his hands on L's shoulders, this time less forcefully. "Look at me. Do you really think I would do something like this? Look at me, really look at me and say that."
"Yes," breathed L. Then, "What happened to your nose?"
"It wouldn't be that hard to know who we are. When the task force was first created, we asked everyone who wasn't committed to risking their lives to catch Kira to leave. People who knew our names saw who stayed in that room. If Kira has a contact among them…"
There was a reason why Light's father had been promoted to chief. He always spoke with reason, and usually, more often than most people anyway, he was right.
Ignoring the fight was easier than apologizing. Light tried to tell himself there wasn't time for it, and that was the least of their worries anyway. He wasn't even going to ask what L had talked to Watari about—whatever it was, L didn't trust him enough to share it. That much was clear. There was only one thing Light needed to make sure of.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he turned his head. "L…" he said, the name feeling intimate on his tongue. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't called him Ryuzaki, but L seemed alarmed. "Promise me you won't give Kira your name."
There was a pause. Too long, for Light's liking. Calculating and inscrutable. "That's none of your concern," L replied curtly.
Biting down so hard his jaw almost hurt, Light responded, "It doesn't seem like I have a choice."
Aizawa was wrong about L. Light didn't doubt that L would give his life for everyone on the task force to have a chance to live. L probably already had plans in place, in case he did die. It was likely that it was what he had been talking with Watari about earlier.
The alternative wasn't an option. And Light wasn't going to accept it.
L moved in front of him, then squatted down, holding a cold compress in his hand.
"Why did you punch Aizawa? Don't tell me you were defending my honor?" He pressed the compress on Light's nose. "Here. You need to keep it there for at least the next twenty-four hours to reduce the swelling."
Twenty-four hours was a full day out of seven. It seemed ridiculous to worry about a swollen nose, all things considered.
"Thanks," Light muttered.
"So?"
"Yeah," he tried to glance away. "Something like that. He went too far."