Um hello? Life update I guess. Wow it's 2024 now.

So, I think it's really damn funny how I was like "yo I'm going away for like 2 months" and then just completely forgot about it.

Life got in the way, I had to focus on my school work, and around then is when the first instances of my mental health struggles arose. Feelings of inadequacy plagued my mind and maladaptive daydreaming was my escape from it all, I decided to be brave and share my maladaptive daydreaming with the world via means of fanfiction. It was my escape for a while until my words couldn't keep up with my mind anymore and I hence disappeared into the depths of obscurity.

Colour me surprised that people still read this niche crossover fic and apart from the occasional criticism (whatcha gonna do that's the internet for ya), I'm warmly surprised and grateful people still read it on occasion, considering this came out in like 2013. I actually forgot I used to write fanfiction until I remembered yesterday and told my friend. We got curious and I looked for it and unlocked some memories I locked away for whatever reason.

Will I update it?

That's for time to decide. The transphobia of JK Rowling has unfortunately left a bitter taste in my mouth and despite Harry Potter having been a precious part of my childhood her ignorance and disrespect to the trans community has tainted my perception of Harry Potter. I won't be able to easily return to this without thoroughly examining the pros and cons of contributing to this fandom once again.

Will I rewrite it?

Again, drawing on the moral complexities of the aforementioned situation, it depends. I'd much rather rewrite this than update it if I choose to come back to this.

Since this was a story written largely based on the maladaptive fantasies of a 15 year old girl's favourite fandoms as a coping mechanism due to the struggles of undiagnosed adhd and autism, there are many issues with this writing. I believe the most evident of the issues are seen in the prologue. Which I see the most recent review brought up the topic that Draco kissing Hermione like that is sexual assault and that she wouldn't stand for it because she punched him in the face. Yeah I understand your grievance. I myself have experienced sexual assault and I wholly understand why that was problematic in hindsight. In that same breath, a naive 15 year old me untainted by the evils of the world thought it was romantic and envisioned it as such. Having not experienced romance of any kind though I just didn't have the words to write it properly.

Furthermore I don't like the pacing and the "telling" instead of "showing" approach I took to writing the plot.

So? Why did you suddenly add this after all these years? What's going to happen now?

I'm bored right now and I am procrastinating on getting dinner. Also after rereading this i kind of just wanted to address the problematic scenario seen in the prologue. It was to some degree triggering for me to read that and if it triggered me, the person who wrote it 11 years ago, what about others? I want to fix that at the very least. I just was looking back on it to like laugh about my crappy fanfic I wrote in high school. Instead I'm dwelling on that scene. Somehow I remembered my login details.

Idk I'm depressed as hell and deleted my social medias recently so I suddenly have more time on my hands. Maybe this will be good for me? Who's to say honestly...