3. I Don't Remember Me
(Buck)
The city dazzled at night. With his left temple resting against the cool glass of the window Buck watched pedestrians going here and there as though the sun sat high in the sky. New York City claimed to be the City that Never Sleeps, but having traveled to many places he felt certain it wasn't alone. Every major city, all the sprawling metropolises, gave 'way to night owls and people looking to have fun after a tedious day in the office. Some of whom they'd rescued when said fun went astray. The light changed to green and the car lurched forward. The steady motion as they got under way, the driver headed for his apartment as instructed by Hen, threatened to lull him into a drunken slumber.
After his confession, Buck went on a whirlwind explanation of why he and Eddie made the perfect couple, imbibing a vineyard's worth of wine along the way. Item number one on his list, they were best friends and experts always said being friends with the object of one's affection was a great starting point. Number two, a rather significant tidbit, they practically co-parented Christopher and had almost since the day Eddie joined their team. In fact, he'd pointed out, no one else on the team had ever been asked to look after the sweet boy. Eddie constantly picked him, and he made sure to pooh-pooh Hen's logic that Christopher liked him so it made sense. After the whole mess with the tsunami Eddie could have refused to let him watch his son ever again.
And item three… Did I have a third item?
The driver turned, closing the distance between them and Buck's place.
Buck licked his lips. "Hey," he croaked, "can I change our destination?"
"Where to?"
Buck rattled off the address, one he knew by heart, and received confirmation from the driver they'd head there instead if he was absolutely sure.
"It's the only place I want to be right now."
The car hit a pothole, jostling him, knocking his head slightly against the window. He sat up straighter. A voice, probably his conscience, whispered in the back of his skull that he was on the verge of making a huge mistake, but the burning desire within to gaze into a specific set of light brown eyes hushed practicality with swift motion. He brought it up at dinner, the wanting to tell Eddie how he truly felt, to express his love, after all, Eddie hadn't even batted an eyelash when Buck confessed to being out on a date with Tommy, to owning up to kissing another guy. Eddie took the moment of truth, Buck's essentially coming out to him, as though he'd been expecting it all along. Which only makes me want him more , dammit.
Unlike him, however, Eddie had been married, had a kid, seemed every inch the straight guy. Then again, up until kissing Tommy the same could be said for him. Is this just a phase? Am I confused?
But no sooner did the thought cross his mind then it was followed by a resounding no. Watching Eddie and Tommy, the way they hung out and kept excluding him, he'd mistaken his jealousy for being replaced as Eddie's best friend. Now he knew better. The kiss cleared up a lot of questions.
Yes, his jealousy was born of the attention Eddie gave Tommy, but mainly because he enjoyed being the center of Eddie's focus.
After Christopher, of course.
"We're here," the driver announced, pulling up outside the curb of Eddie's house. "Are you sure this is where you want to be? The place is dark. Maybe I should take you home."
Despite the fact Hen already paid, Buck slipped the driver an extra twenty for his trouble. "Yeah, it'll be fine."
Buck opened the door and stumbled out. The world swayed as he stood, his grip on the car door tightening. What was it about sitting down with Hen to spill his guts that led him to drinking his feelings? Something to ponder at another time, right now he wanted to focus on the task at hand. Once he felt secure enough on his feet he closed the door, walked around the back bumper of the car, and started toward the house's front door. Any attempt to rehearse what he should say failed, his mind a buzzing hive of jumble fears and excitement.
What if Eddie rejected him?
What if Eddie laughed in his face?
What if Eddie shrugged him off for making a drunken confession?
Then again, what if Eddie welcomed him with open arms and told him it was about time?
"Dreams can come true," Buck muttered as he raised a fist to knock. His knuckles rapped his presence. For a heartbeat he wondered if he'd made a mistake a glance back over his shoulder revealed the driver long gone. "Dude didn't even wait to see that I was safe. Chivalrous."
A lock hissed and the door yanked open. "Buck?"
Eddie looked yummy. The hunky apple of his eye sported a pair of pajama pants and a tank top. A simple understated outfit that did an excellent job of showing off Eddie's muscles. To have those arms wrapped around him…
He cleared his throat. "Eddie."
Eddie scowled. "Are you drunk?" He looked behind Buck. "Please tell me you didn't drive here."
"Nope, got sent away by Hen. 'Supposed to go home, decided to stop here instead."
"I'm not even going to ask why, just get in here and try to be quiet, Christopher is sleeping." Eddie took him by the arm, closing the door in their wake, and directed Buck into the living room. "You can stay the night on the couch."
"Wait, wait," Buck said, stopping short of the offered piece of furniture. He swayed a little, Eddie's steady grip the only thing keeping him from falling into the couch's familiar embrace. Cushions he sat on while playing video games with Christopher or sharing a beer with his best bud, even once passing out on not too long ago when Maddie insisted on having everyone they knew keep tabs on him after his last hospital stay. "I gotta say something before I lose the nerve, 'kay?"
"Buck…"
A less drunk, more rational Buck might have caught the warning in Eddie's tone. Instead, he started to formulate an idea, letting his gaze trace the line of Eddie's jaw, completely giving into his lack of impulse control and doing exactly as Tommy had done to him.
With considerably different results.
When Tommy kissed him to stop his rambling it had been a moment of true awakening, the final piece of a rather jumbled puzzle slipping into place, and he kissed back. Foolishly, perhaps, he expected the scenario to play out the same way with Eddie.
How wrong he'd been.
As soon as his lips brushed Eddie he felt a strong hand on his chest pushing him back. At the same time Eddie pulled away. Buck's legs connected with the couch and he plopped down, the room twirling for a moment. A storm seemed to rage in Eddie's eyes as he stared at Buck, one hand on a hip.
"You're drunk, Evan."
"So? Look, I-"
"Stop. Just stop." Eddie reached for his cell phone resting on the coffee table. "Maybe it's best you not stay here tonight."
"Eddie."
Without another word Eddie stepped out of the room, replying to whoever answered on the other end, apologizing for interrupting their night. A cold blanket settled over Buck, pinpricks of ice needling his skin as they sought to delve below the surface and create cracks across his heart. The dampening effects of the wine faded and heartache swiftly, gleefully took its place. Tears he refused to let free burned his eyes as Buck got to his feet. Clearly, he'd misread their friendship, seeing what he wanted to see instead of the truth, and now, was there any coming back from this or had he hammered home the final nail?
He should have listened to Hen, to Karen.
Eddie still in the kitchen on the phone, Buck made his way out into the night.
XxXxXxXxX
(Bobby)
The volume on the radio was low, the air in the car a touch thick with unspoken emotion. All it took was one phone call and their night shattered, a plea beckoning them, drawing them away from the candlelight and promises of intimacy later. Bobby reached out in the passing glow of buildings and streetlights, taking Athena's hand in his own. She curled her fingers with his and brought him a touch of relief.
"I'm sorry about our date," Bobby apologized. "I know ow you put a lot of work into it."
Athena gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "No worries, love. Honestly, do you think either of us could have continued enjoying ourselves knowing Buck is wandering the street drunk?" Surprising him, she leaned over, planting a kiss on his cheek. "I knew what I was getting myself I to when I married you."
"And what exactly does that mean?"
"You and Buck are a package deal."
He chuckled. "I suppose we are, in a manner. I promise to make it up to you, I swear."
"Let's just find the young man first. We can discuss your payment to me afterward," she said, a teasing lilt to her words.
"Yes, ma'am."
Bobby slowed as he turned onto Eddie's street. He scanned out one side, Athena the other, and circled the block without any sight of Buck. At a stop sign he hesitated, trying to think like the younger firefighter; which way would he strike out? Would he be able to pinpoint the right direction to head in to make it home? What about someone who lived closer to Eddie?
A sickening weight settled in his stomach as he recalled the breakfast conversation with Athena. She asked him point-blank if Buck was okay, and he assured her that he was indeed fine. A partial truth. He saw the way Buck kept getting lost in thought, distracted, and stood by waiting for him to be ready to talk. Now he began to wonder if he should have pushed Buck to clear his conscience. They'd yet to sit down and broach the subject of his recent relationship endeavors. I need to do better. First chance I get, I'll take him out tomorrow for some coffee, get him talking.
"Try the next block," Athena suggested. "We'll find him."
And true to her word, they did.
Buck sat on the curb, hands between his knees head hanging down. Bobby parked the car and climbed out, crossing through the beams of the headlights.
"Why are you so dressed up?" He asked.
"Never you mind," Athena said, getting out to join them. She held out a hand. "Come on, let's get you home."
His gaze darted between them. "Oh no, I ruined your date. You were out and I ruined it." He clenched his hands. "All I've done tonight is ruin things."
"I'm sure things will be okay," Bobby said.
Buck shook his head. "You weren't there, Cap."
"I'm fairly certain Eddie isn't mad."
"I tried to kiss him. Hen told me to be patient, to wait, and like I usually do I went blundering ahead. I messed up. Everything." Tears began to trickle down his cheeks, worsening the guilt Bobby felt. "He'll never want to talk to me now, or let me see Christopher, and you know what the worst thing is?"
By now Bobby had crouched to be eye level with Buck. "What's that?"
They locked eyes. "I don't remember me before him."