"He was a missing person!"
"It was protocol."
"To shoot at someone who wasn't a violent criminal!? You were supposed to detain him, not try to kill him!"
"He was running!"
"So?! You don't shoot a non-violent man for running. Good grief!"
While Nathan argued with the police officer over one of his men having shot at Lucas, Jenny cradled her unconscious brother in her arms, tears of joy and worry flowing down her cheeks as Tilly watched in dismay in the distance.
"Lucas. Lucas, darling, wake up…it's me, Jenny. Wake up, Lucas."
A tear rolled down Tilly's cheek as the false realization that her 'Lionel' was married overtook her mind, breaking her heart. She had seen the woman before at the play. How could she have known that this would have been the woman plaguing her love's mind, the one he could not forget? And to think, she had fallen for an already taken man. How terrible.
Sam walked up to her and silently watched the scene, placing his arm around her. Her only response was to lean her head against his shoulder and cry some more.
A medic had quickly arrived on the scene and assessed the situation. The bullet had only left a scratch, thankfully missing its target. But it was the fall onto the platform that rendered Lucas unconscious. The family awaited a gurney.
"About four months. He's been missing for four months," Nathan was heard to say.
"Well, let's get him to the hospital and get him checked out, and then I'll take your statement so we can investigate our officer's conduct. That's the best I can promise you."
Sam looked over at Tilly, hating the redness of her eyes. She hadn't stopped crying since the incident. Wishing he could make all this okay, he put his hand on her shoulder and lightly clasped it. Tilly had fallen hard for their friend, and Sam knew that Lionel cared for her too - only he was no longer Lionel Berrymore but Lucas Bouchard. And he was married. What a mess.
Although no one had come to speak with them, he and Tilly had overheard the dark-haired woman, who called herself Jenny, say his name over and over again as she held him at the train station. Now, she was in the room with Lucas, and he and Tilly remained in a waiting area.
Down the hall, he could see the tall man who had arrived with Lucas's wife, speaking with the doctor who had come out after examining their friend. A brief nod ended their conversation, and the man turned to walk towards them.
"Are you friends of his?"
The words brought both of them to their feet, Sam rubbing his hands on his pants nervously. "Yes, we are. Lion... I mean, Lucas and I have been roommates for a few months now."
"I'm Nathan Grant, Lucas's brother-in-law," he said, extending his hand to Sam and nodding at Tilly. Sam shook his hand briefly.
"Sam Peterson. And this is Ottilia..." he began, but Tilly interrupted.
"Tilly Rasmussen. Nice to meet you, Mr. Grant. How is Lucas doing?" As a royal, she had been schooled to restrain outward signs of emotion, training that was serving her well at that moment.
"Hopefully he will be fine. He's still unconscious for now. Would you like to see him?"
Glancing at Tilly's hopeful yet sad face, Sam nodded. "Yes, we would very much. Thank you."
Hesitating only a moment before walking into the room, Tilly took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I can do this," she murmured to herself as she held back the tears that threatened. Upon entering, her sight fell upon Lucas, who looked pale but peaceful, as if he was simply sleeping. Her eyes then turned to Jenny, the beautiful woman who sat holding Lucas's hand.
Hearing Tilly and Sam's feet scuffling, Jenny turned and faced them. She looked at them with curiosity.
"Jenny, this is Tilly Rasmussen and Sam Peterson, friends of Lucas's," Nathan announced. Her green eyes widened in recognition, and she smiled.
"You were at the theater. It's nice to see you again."
"Likewise," Tilly replied as she gripped her hands together. "How…how is He?" Tilly felt nervous even inquiring as she now felt like an interloper in the other woman's marriage, but she had to know.
"He woke up just briefly, and they're still running tests. The doctor seems to think he will recover physically, but the rest is hard to know until he wakens fully. Did you two know him well?"
"Lucas and I were roommates," Sam quickly interjected, letting Tilly off the hook. He then cast a wary eye toward Lucas's girlfriend. "The three of us have spent a lot of time together."
"I see. Well, I'm glad he had someone in his life these last few months. We've been so worried about him," Jenny replied with a look of tenderness towards the bed.
"I...I hope Lucas will be alright," Tilly responded. "I'm sure your children will be happy to have him home."
Jenny smiled, remembering her discussion in the bathroom. "Oh, yes. They will be thrilled."
"The boy looks just like him."
Jenny laughed. "I always thought so, too. Much more like Mother's side than Father's."
Blinded by their own supposition and given the fact that people often called their in-laws "Mother -This" or "Father- That," neither Tilly nor Sam gave a second thought to Jenny, referring to Helen and Martin as Mother and Father. They just assumed she spoke of Lucas's parents. But it wasn't to be pursued, for Lucas's stirring diverted all attention back toward the bed.
Tilly bit her lip nervously, wanting more than anything to see him open his dark eyes but knowing she should allow the family some privacy. "Perhaps Sam and I should leave so you can have some alone time with Lucas. I'm sure he will want to see his family in private when he wakes."
"You can stay. Any friends of Lucas's are family to us," Nathan said.
Jenny nodded. "That's right. It's good to have you here. Lucas has spent so much of his life with nobody. I'm happy that he's had someone to love and care for him while he's been away from us. Particularly someone as lovely as you."
Tilly inhaled sharply and then looked at Sam before closing her eyes. If she only knew.
"Yes, well," Sam replied, sensing Rasmussen's discomfort. "I'm not sure you understand this, but Li…Lucas has been suffering from some sort of amnesia from the moment he got here. He didn't even know his own name. He went by Lionel Berrymore."
"You're kidding," Nathan smirked. "Well, that must have been interesting."
"You don't know the half of it," Sam replied. "But, the point I'm trying to make is, now that you're here and you guys and he are back together. I'm sure he'll want to spend some quiet time getting reacquainted with his wife."
The words stung Tilly to her heart, but she had little time to concentrate on the pain as the strange expression on Jenny's face surprised her.
"Wife?" Lucas's sister said.
"Yeah," Sam replied. "You and Lucas."
Jenny's eyes narrowed as she slowly turned her head toward Nathan and then looked down at her wedding band. She then looked back at her husband, and the two began to laugh.
"What? What did I say? " Sam asked. Tilly held onto Sam's arm as they observed the strange reaction.
Finally, when the laughter diminished, Jenny wiped her eyes, still smiling, and replied. "Oh, my dear me. You have it all wrong."
"We do?" Sam asked.
"Yes. I'm not married to Lucas. I'm married to Nathan. Lucas is my brother. Lucas doesn't have a wife."
"I...don't?" The voice coming from the bed was hoarse and was enough to deflect Grant's attention from Tilly, who visibly relaxed her whole body against Sam's in relief. Peterson blew out a puff of relieved air himself and kissed the top of his friend's hair, giving her a friendly side hug and then smiling brightly.
Tilly wanted nothing more than to leap for joy but instead watched as Lucas's sister gave him her attention.
"Lucas? It's Jenny. How do you feel?"
Bouchard squinted and looked around the room for a moment. "I'm a bit fuzzy. I have a headache."
"Yes. That's normal. You hit your head when you fell off of the train."
Lucas closed his eyes and then nodded. "They were shooting at me."
Nathan frowned. "Yeah, we're taking care of that. Do you remember why you ran?"
Lucas was quiet for a moment, then shook his head. "Yes. They said I was wanted in connection with a murder. I remember a woman…. She was close to me, and yet you said I don't have a wife. I don't remember...much, but I know there was a woman and a boy. Her son."
"Elizabeth," Jenny replied, uncertain how much she should say.
"Yes!" his eyes widened. "Elizabeth. Elizabeth and my buddy..."
"Jack," Nathan offered.
"Yes, Jack. And you're Nathan," Lucas said slowly, glancing in the direction of the voice. "My friend."
Stepping near, Nathan took his hand and squeezed it briefly. "It's good to see you again. We've been searching for you."
"I've been so lost. I didn't know." His eyes then narrowed. "Did I hear Jenny say that you and she are married?"
Grant nodded, then put his arm around his wife. "Yes. We are."
"And I approved of this?"
Jenny's mouth dropped open and she shoved him gently in the shoulder. "Lucas Bouchard! You little rogue!"
Lucas chucked but then grew quiet. "Elizabeth and I were engaged..."
Jenny nodded, and his expression fell.
"What happened?"
Suddenly, Jenny became nervous and reached out to touch his hand. "I know things aren't clear right now, and you have a lot of questions, but you should probably rest."
"Jenny, where is Elizabeth? You must tell me."
"Lucas, we..."
"PLEASE!" he said, loud enough to startle them. He then looked toward her with pain. "Please. You must tell me what happened to Elizabeth. I need to know," he said softly.
Jenny exhaled and then took his hand, tears building in her eyes. "We lost Elizabeth two weeks before you were to be married. And when she passed, we lost you as well." Jenny paused as she let the words sink in.
Tilly's heart broke at those words. Her poor man.
Bouchard was quiet for a moment as he tried to absorb this knowledge. When he spoke again, his voice was just above a whisper and strangled. "I remember a gunshot."
Jenny looked at Nathan for support. "Yes. She was kidnapped and then murdered."
"Oh, my!" Tilly gasped. Jenny looked over toward the beautiful blonde with empathy, nodded, and turned back toward Lucas.
As if a light flicked on, Lucas saw himself standing on a balcony inside a saloon, Elizabeth standing below him near a faceless man with a broad back whom he only saw from behind. She had a peculiar look on her face, not one of fear but almost other-worldly as she carried on a conversation with someone unseen and unheard but only to her.
Jenny saw his expression and reached out to him. "Lucas, what is it?" He didn't answer.
"But our train doesn't leave until tomorrow," he heard Elizabeth say. He then saw her pause and look at the empty space beside her. "But what about Jack, our son? What about Lucas? Our wedding."
She was talking to Jack? Her husband, Jack? Bouchard thought. Confirmation came immediately.
" Jack, I don't want to go. I don't want to leave here. I have so much more to give."
Bouchard's heart sped up. "Please don't take her."
"What's wrong with him?" Nathan asked.
"I don't know," Jenny replied. "Lucas? Darling?"
"I won't do it!" Elizabeth said.
"Stop stalling. We don't have all day!"
Lucas watched as Elizabeth struggled with the man and continued talking to no one in particular. "Get your hands off of her!" Get away!" He became increasingly agitated.
"Lucas?!" Jenny said louder, shaking him. Bouchard again didn't answer. Jenny turned to Nathan. "Get the doctor."
"I'll go," Sam volunteered. At this point, Grant joined his wife in trying to bring Lucas back to them. Tilly took a few steps forward.
Dixon grabbed Elizabeth by one arm and she slapped him, then stomped his foot. She tried to run, and Dixon raised his gun toward her, and then Lucas saw himself, almost as if out of body, jump down upon Dixon's body. The gun went off, and Elizabeth screamed, but it was a miss.
"Run!" Lucas yelled. He saw himself trying to wrest the weapon out of Dixon's hand.
"He's coming!" Sam said, rejoining the others in the room. Nathan stood and watched the door.
Lucas began to shake and was still unresponsive, so Tilly ran over to him, crowding next to Jenny and then grabbing his hand.
"Lucas? Lucas, it's me, Tilly. Lucas?"
At this, Lucas turned to her. His eyes were full of fright. "Tilly, he's got her...he's going to kill her."
"Who?" she asked. But he was gone again.
"Run, Elizabeth!"
"Lucas?" Tilly cupped his face in her hands, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. "Jenny, what's happening?"
"He's reliving the moment. We need to pray," she responded, looking toward Nathan, who looked on with pity. Jenny closed her eyes in a silent moment of prayer, and Bouchard began to pant as the doctor entered the room.
"Lucas…come back," Tilly said, but Bouchard clenched his eyes shut. In his mind's eye, he saw himself on his back with a faceless man staring about to kill him. He then saw Elizabeth with some sort of object, a plank that came crashing down on the man's back.
"Everyone out of the way, " the doctor said as he readied a needle. "How long has he been like this?"
"Just a couple of minutes, "Nathan responded.
"NO!" Bouchard shouted, and he began to cry. "Elizabeth!Please! Please, Lord! Please don't take her. No, Elizabeth, please stay. Please don't go!"
The doctor pushed the women out of the way, and Jenny fell into Nathan's arms while Tilly stood weeping at the edge of the bed. Once again, Sam came to her side as they watched the Doctor plunge the needle into Lucas's arm, but Bouchard didn't flinch. His mind was too far away. His eyes carried a wild expression as he witnessed afresh the death of his fiancée in his own arms. Seconds later, his lids began to droop until finally they closed altogether, and he was once again at rest.
The doctor looked over at Jenny and nodded his head toward the door. "Please, come this way," he said grimly.
The doctor led the group to a small private room, stopping before entering to whisper something to a nurse, who nodded, and then he entered the room himself.
"Please, have a seat," the doctor said as he stood with the family. Tilly and Sam hesitated at the door, unsure of what to do.
"Tilly, Sam, you are the only family Lucas has had for several months. I think you should join us," Jenny said. Lucas's friends joined them, and Jenny patted the chair next to her, inviting Tilly to sit with a small smile.
Once everyone was settled, all eyes turned toward the physician, who held up one finger. The door opened, and an older man walked into the room, not dressed in a lab coat but in a suit. He and the doctor exchanged a few words before the older man turned toward the family.
"I am Dr. Jackson, head of Psychology here at Cornell Medical Center. I understand the patient has had an episode of acute psychosis tied to some sort of memory – and Dr. Stringer has asked me to consult on this case."
"We need it as part of overall patient evaluation," Stringer added.
The group nodded in understanding.
Jackson took a seat across from the group and leaned back in the chair. "First of all, I need to know about Mr. Bouchard's mental health history. Whoever would like to start?" he asked, folding his hands in his lap.
After a moment of silence, Nathan spoke up. "I guess I will," he said, looking at his wife and continuing at her nod. "When I met Lucas several years ago in Hope Valley, he was a successful self-made businessman. He was a bit secretive about his past, and I didn't trust him at first, but I soon found out the reason for his secrecy was that he was hiding from a notorious criminal named Amos Dixon, who was a threat to him and a widow-friend of his, Jeanette Aucoin's, lives. To make a long story short, Dixon found out where he was, caused some trouble, and was arrested. That's all we heard from him until our trip to New Orleans a few months ago. Dixon had been released early from jail- I won't get into the details- but he ended up kidnapping Lucas's fiancée, Elizabeth Thornton. When Lucas arrived to rescue her, Amos shot her, and she died in Lucas's arms."
"She was his life," Jenny added sadly.
Upon hearing the words, Tilly grasped Sam's hand as tears filled her eyes. Her poor Lucas had been through a lot.
"Doctor," Jenny continued, "When we lost Elizabeth, we lost my brother too. He lost all memory of us, of what had happened, everything. Then he just disappeared from the hospital. We have searched for him for four months. We had discovered he may have come to New York, and since Nathan and I are honeymooning here, we hoped we might find him, but we never imagined it would be like this. He's been living here, and Miss Rasmussen and Mr. Peterson befriended him. Apparently, he's been living under an assumed name."
Sam nodded. "Yeah. When I met him, he had no idea who he was. He had some cufflinks with the initials LB on them, so he grabbed the first name he could see and used it as his own. He called himself Lionel Berrymore – with an 'e' to distinguish from the actor."
"I see," the psychiatrist said, not breaking a smile. "Well, this sounds like a clear-cut case of dissociative fugue – a type of amnesia in which a person not only loses his memory but moves to another location and sets up a new identity. It is rare but happens sometimes with traumatic events like what you are describing. Have there been any other occasions where he has suffered emotional trauma?"
"Yes..." Jenny said, taking a deep breath. "When I was six years old, I was kidnapped. Lucas witnessed the whole thing and tried to save me. He was seven at the time."
Tilly furrowed her brow, considering this news. It was only getting worse. Her heart ached for him.
"We only recently found each other again, but shortly before we did, he encountered my abductor one day in the saloon that he owned, and his mind simply snapped. He blacked out. I remember the doctor called what happened a psychological break, and well...he killed the man. Something so unlike my brother, who is patient and kind."
"And you said this happened recently?" the doctor asked.
"Within the past year," Nathan added. "The judiciary had been after this man for some time and, taking the doctor's diagnosis, ruled immediately in Lucas's favor. Charges were never pressed. He was not in control of his faculties, they said; therefore, he could not be charged with a crime. As for the last few months, perhaps Miss Rasmussen can fill you in."
Tilly was taken aback by the revelation she had just heard but quickly recovered. Helping Lucas was all that mattered.
"The only thing I can think of to add is that Lion- I'm sorry, Lucas had one episode when we were in a movie theater, and he left in a state of extreme agitation. Now that I consider it, it was in a scene where a woman was killed in a saloon. He was very upset, and I took him back to his apartment and sat with him until Sam came home, and nothing quite like that ever happened again. He has been having some flashbacks of late. Nothing concrete, only quick flashes of memory. I'm glad his family finally found him."
Jackson made a few notes. "Thank you for sharing the information." He stood and handed Stringer the chart.
"Is my brother going to be alright, doctor?" All eyes in the room turned in his direction as they waited for a response.
"It's too soon to say definitely," Jackson replied. "Mr. Bouchard most likely hadn't fully recovered from his previous psychological break before losing his fiancée, making him more susceptible to another collapse. That great loss alone was likely the only catalyst for this break. Given that each occasion has been associated with a specific, very traumatic event, it could be his mind just needs time to recover. It seems he is starting to remember certain things from his past, which is good. However, we shouldn't reintroduce his memories to him too quickly as they could be jarring. Let them come back slowly. I would also recommend cognitive therapy. It has proven helpful in cases like this."
"Of course," Jenny said.
Stringer stepped forward. "I would like to keep him overnight for observation, but there is nothing physical to prevent him from going home tomorrow."
"He can stay at the mansion with the Falkenbergs," Tilly quickly interjected. "I will be happy to keep an eye on him as well," she added, bringing a nod from the doctor who now stood to leave.
"Try not to worry too much. I know that probably doesn't help under these circumstances, but I'm hopeful that Mr. Bouchard, given time and therapy, will make a full recovery. If you will excuse me."
The next day, Lucas was quiet on the way back to the mansion. Ari and Sophia had been gracious enough to invite the Grants to stay with them as long as they wished to while Lucas fully recovered.
On the drive from the hospital, Nathan and Jenny chatted up a storm, but Lucas remained silent in his thoughts.
"It was really nice of the Falkenbergs to ask us to stay as well," Jenny said to Lucas, trying to bring him into the conversation.
He nodded distractedly, continuing to stare out the window as they passed the iron gates leading to their temporary dwelling.
"Lucas, are you okay?" she asked, reaching for his hand.
He glanced toward her with a nod. "Fine."
Jenny looked toward Nathan with worried eyes, and he frowned, taking her hand. He wished he could reassure her, but they were in uncharted waters.
Before the car stopped, the front door opened, and Lucas caught his breath as Tilly stepped outside. Meeting his eyes, she gently smiled as they all exited the vehicle.
"Welcome home," Tilly offered as the trio stepped forward, and she quickly ushered them into the entryway. "We put you in the room next to Lucas's. Every room has its own ensuite, so you should be quite comfortable," Tilly said to Jenny as they walked.
Lucas stopped momentarily when he reached the edge of the threshold and saw Michael standing inside holding a drink, but Tilly's gentle touch on his arm encouraged him to move. Upon entering, the Grants were met by a couple who had to be their hosts and a younger man in his late 30s who stared at Lucas arrogantly.
"Nathan, Jenny, these are the Falkenbergs, and this is... Michael…Michael Melrose... an old family friend who is working with Ari," Tilly stammered out before stepping forward to stand by Ari. Michael immediately joined her.
"Mr. and Mrs. Falkenburg. Mr. Melrose." Nathan replied as he shook their hands, and Jenny nodded at each one.
"I'm Pleased to meet you. And it's Ari and Sophia," Arthur Falkenberg said.
"Lucas, it is good to see you up and around so quickly. I'm glad you are alright." The older woman looked at Bouchard with kindness as she took his hand in hers. "Once I knew your real name, it only took me a moment to realize that you are Helen's son. She and I are old friends."
Lucas gave her a polite smile, then lowered his eyes. "It's a small world."
"Indeed, it is."
"Bouchard," Michael said, stepping forward. "I must say I'm happy to hear you are the son of a diplomat and not some mutt Tilly picked up off the street."
Tilly clenched her jaw with embarrassment. "Michael!"
"Well, he was going by the name Lionel Barrymore, sweetheart. But that is, of course, because of his psychological issues. In any case, it's good to see you back in one piece." He turned to Lucas's family. "And, I'm to understand that you are his sister?"
"I am," Jenny said stiffly.
"Yes. The children of Martin Bouchard. I believe we've tangled with him a time or two," he chuckled.
"Cooking the books?" Nathan asked, with one eyebrow raised. All eyes shifted toward Grant, but only Tilly found it amusing, suppressing a giggle. Nathan took a step back.
"Well, I, uh…. Jenny's dad is an auditor. If they're tangling with him, it would have to be over money."
"I can assure you that the Melroses are thoroughly reputable," Ari replied. "Or we wouldn't be doing business with them."
Nathan nodded. "I see. I'm sorry if I offended you."
"No apology required," Melrose said. "When I said tangled, it was over certain charitable donations that Melrose Industries wished to write off. Mr. Bouchard's word won the day, of course. Your father's expertise is unparalleled."
"Father is very good at what he does," Jenny said, raising her chin. "It's interesting that you know each other."
"It is, as your brother said, a small world."
"Yes," Jenny replied. "And, given what good care she's taken of my brother these many months, I would have to say, any friend of Tilly's is a friend of ours."
Tilly looked toward Lucas, whose expression was unreadable.
"Thank you," Michael chuckled. "Though I must say, we weren't exactly just friends," he explained, placing his hand on Tilly's back and stroking it up and down. "Tilly and I were once engaged to be married. Perhaps we shall be again," he replied, taking a sip of his drink.
Tilly moved only slightly and locked eyes with Lucas, who was watching her. He remained expressionless.
"In any case. It's nice to meet you all," Melrose continued.
Something about the man immediately rubbed Jenny the wrong way. If she had been standing closer to Lucas, she was certain she would have felt him stiffen; still, outwardly, he seemed unaffected. She would have to keep an eye on the situation.
"Thank you both for allowing us to stay in your home near Lucas," Nathan said to Sophia, breaking all out of their thoughts. "I know it's important for Lucas and Jenny to get reacquainted."
"Of course, dear. Now, perhaps we should show you to your room. I'm sure Lucas could use a bit of rest as well."
The group moved forward to Thomas, who was waiting for them at the edge of the steps.
"The items from your room at the Regis have already been transferred and are waiting for you. Please do not hesitate to call if you should need anything," he said. "There is a list of household numbers by the telephone in your room."
The Grants nodded, and Nathan and Jenny perused the opulent surroundings as they ascended the stairs. Glancing at Tilly, who was still standing too close to Michael, Lucas followed.
Watching until their guests were out of sight, Ari and Sophia headed toward their respective offices, leaving Tilly and Michael standing alone.
"May I speak to you a moment?" The words were stilted as she walked a few steps away from Michael and then turned toward him.
"Of course, my dear. Speak your mind."
Looking around to ensure they were indeed alone, she took a deep breath. "What was that about? You know that Lucas and I are dating."
"Can I help it that I believe the two of us should marry?" He stepped closer. "Our families obviously thought so at one time, and with the annulment, I know your father thinks so still. What a powerful couple we would make, Ottilia." Michael ended his statement by taking her chin in his fingers and staring into her eyes. But instead of his intended response, Tilly jerked her head, releasing his grasp. Then, she once again walked out of his reach.
"That isn't going to happen, Michael. I am very happy with Lucas, and I am telling you not to interfere in my personal life."
"Be careful, Princess," he replied, darts shooting from his eyes. "We wouldn't want Dashma to suffer."
"Is that a threat?" Tilly's response was heated as she glared at him.
"No, my dear. Merely a statement that your father needs my help. Nothing more. Nothing less. See you at dinner," he stated, brushing her arm with his as he walked past, leaving her to fume in solitude.
Once they got settled, the Grants left their room and took a walk on the beach, content in each other's company. At first, there wasn't a lot of talking, but Nathan noticed how happy Jenny seemed and felt glad for her. And even though they wouldn't get to see all of the things he had planned on them seeing while they were in New York, he had done something better. Reuniting his wife with her brother was the missing puzzle piece in their lives. To know he was safe meant the world.
"What do you think of Tilly?" Jenny finally asked, breaking the silence.
"She seems nice."
Jenny nodded. "Do you remember at the play when I said I had that delightful conversation in the ladies' room with a woman?"
"Yes."
"That was her."
Grant stopped. "Really?"
"Yes."
His mind's eye went back to that evening, and he immediately recalled being bumped into by her. He then recalled her joining the man that he saw from afar. He looked at Jenny.
"I think they're together."
Jenny furrowed her brow. "Lucas and Tilly?"
"Yeah. I remember when we were at the play, I saw someone that looked like Lucas, but it was from afar."
"And you didn't say anything?"
"No. Tilly bumped into me, walked through the crowd, and joined him. I never saw his face, and since he was with a woman, I convinced myself it wasn't him."
"So, Lucas has a girlfriend?"
"It would appear so. I have to admit it feels weird, though. I never expected to see him with anyone besides Elizabeth."
Jenny took Nathan by the arm and continued walking. "He didn't remember Elizabeth, though, remember?"
"Yes. So, it makes sense he could fall for someone else."
Jenny leaned her head against Nathan's shoulder. "As long as he's happy. That's what's important."
Grant nodded and kissed the top of her head.
Later that evening, Lucas was startled awake, first by the sound of his bedroom door hitting the wall and then by two children pouncing on top of him in his bed. "Uncle Lucas!" they said simultaneously, nearly choking him as they threw their arms around him, Jo peppering him with kisses.
"Children! " Jenny said, entering the room moments later. "Oh, my. Lucas! I am so terribly sorry. Children, get down!"
Bouchard nodded painfully as his niece's knee pressed hard into his abdomen, and he gently peeled her away from him.
"It's alright. They're just excited," he said, sitting up on his elbows.
"It's not alright. I've told them about minding their manners," she replied, pointing to the floor. "Lucas Martin and Josephine Helen, let go of your uncle and get down off that bed this instance. Allow him room to breathe!"
"Yes, ma'am," Luke replied, sliding off of the bed yet staying close to Lucas. "We're awfully glad to see you, Uncle Lucas. Everyone was worried."
"And we prayed for you each and every day," Jo sweetly added.
"Thank you," Lucas smiled softly toward the children. "I'm glad to see you too."
"Lucas!" The voice came from the hallway, and Bouchard took a deep breath, sitting up further and trying to make himself presentable. Mother.
"Where is my Luca….oh, there you are, darling!" Helen said, walking into the bedroom, followed by Martin.
"Good morning, Mother, Father," Bouchard replied, leaning forward and offering his cheek as she leaned in for a kiss.
"It's still evening, Lucas, but never mind that. We were so concerned when you disappeared and, of course, when Elizabeth passed. How are you doing?"
"Been better, been worse," he replied. In truth, Lucas wasn't sure how he was doing, his thoughts were still muddled with so much uncertainty and feelings of discomfort, but he would tell everyone he was doing 'fine.'
"It's good to see you, son," Martin said, sticking out his hand and then drawing Lucas into a hug.
"Thank you, Father," Bouchard responded, again struggling for air.
"You look pale, Lucas," Helen said, touching his chin. "Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating healthily?"
"Helen, he just got out of the hospital," Martin said, turning toward her with his hands on his hips.
"I am well aware of that, Martin, but look at him! He has circles under his eyes, and he's as white as a sheet. Poor dear," she said, reaching forward and again touching his face. Lucas felt his body tense.
"Uncle Lucas, Grandmother, and Grandfather are going to get us a puppy!"
"Mother!" Jenny exclaimed.
"Well, talk about it later, dear. We need to focus on your brother. Are you feeling weak, Lucas?"
"I…."
"Hey, everyone," Nathan said, entering the room with Tilly.
"Perhaps he's deficient in iron," Helen continued. "Maybe I should cook something for you."
"NO!" Lucas and Martin shouted at once. Lucas took a deep breath and looked at his father. Helen raised her eyebrows and took a step back, but as soon as the space was clear, Josephine climbed back up into it, getting as close to him as she could. "Uncle Lucas, I get to go to school this year. I will be six years old," Jo said, holding up six fingers.
"And Dad is teaching me how to ride. I want to be a Mountie like he was." Luke said.
"Did you know I have a new tooth?" Jo asked, smiling to show him the gap in her teeth.
"Puppies are a lot of responsibility!" Jenny said to her parents.
"I think they can handle one, hun," Nathan responded.
"Whose side are you on?"
The chatter grew louder and more chaotic, and Bouchard closed his eyes as the room began to close in on him. Dizzying images of relatives weaved in and out of his eyesight, and he struggled to focus. He needed air but wasn't sure if it was his anxiety or Josephine now sitting on his chest. He looked toward the window, but the family was blocking it. He swallowed and began feeling lightheaded; yes, it was anxiety. He began to feel he just might pass out. He tried to speak, raising one finger, but no words came out.
And then, an angel appeared.
"Lucas!"
Tilly rushed to his side, immediately recognizing the look of distress on his face. She climbed up into his bed and gently removed Josephine to the side, then took his hands. The family stopped talking, becoming aware there was an issue.
Lucas still couldn't formulate the words to describe his feelings, so he looked up at her with a sense of pleading. Without missing a beat, a determined Rasmussen turned to the Bouchards and Grants. "Alright, everyone out. Lucas needs to rest."
Shocked both by the authority she was wielding and the apparent closeness that this woman had to her son, Helen began to protest, but Martin and Jenny quickly realized Tilly was right. It was too much too soon. They needed to leave.
As his family egressed, Bouchard immediately felt a sense of calm being restored. Tilly lifted a glass of water to his lips.
"Drink this," she said.
Lucas took the cup and sipped, closing his eyes as the cool liquid satiated his parched throat. After a minute or two, he handed the glass back to her. "Thank you. I'm not sure what happened."
Tilly leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his forehead. "You're tired, and you're hurt. And all of these people piling in here…."
He leaned back. "Am I ever going to be normal?"
"What exactly is normal?" Tilly said, softly smiling and running her fingers through his hair. "There is nothing deficient in you, Lucas. In fact, you're practically perfect, and I wouldn't change a thing about you. So do not worry about anything, dear heart. It's going to be alright." Leaning forward, she kissed his forehead and reached for the lamp. "Now try to get some rest. I'll see you at breakfast in the morning."
Lucas's sigh, which followed as she left the room, was a mixture of fatigue, relief, and contentment. Soon, he was asleep.
Jenny and Nathan joined Jenny's parents with the Falkenbergs and Tilly in the mansion's living room and soon Michael joined them as well.
Melrose walked in a few minutes into their conversation but made himself inconspicuous, helping himself to a drink from the host's bar.
"The doctor said that cognitive therapy should benefit Lucas but that we shouldn't reintroduce his memories too quickly, or there is likely to be a relapse," Jenny explained to her parents.
"Do you mean he could redevelop amnesia again?" Martin asked.
"Or have another mental break," Nathan responded.
"I just don't understand it. Our son was always so strong. He never showed the least sign of any sort of psychoses," Helen said.
"He never had any signs until Solomon Drake showed up," Martin responded. "I suppose raising him in such a way that he held everything in contributed to all of this."
"We did not take good care of our son growing up, and that is largely my fault," Helen said.
"We are both to blame," Martin said. "But we will see to it that he gets the best of care now. He deserves nothing less."
The next morning, Bouchard awakened with a new energy. Memories were flooding back into his mind every hour, and with them, a new sense of being. He was a real man with a real history and a real family – not some vagabond no-name that never had a life. He still had many struggles but felt optimistic that they would pass. For instance, while he knew that he and his sister were close, he could remember nothing about her previous marriage to the children's father – or even the children's birth. That, he supposed, would come in time.
Quickly tending to the morning's necessities, Lucas got dressed and determined to surprise the family by joining them in the dining room. As he descended the stairs, he stopped when he heard the voices of Tilly and one he knew was Melrose arguing in the hall. He readied himself to defend her.
"But this is what the king wants. Surely, you would not disdain the hand that feeds you," Michael said.
"I am not disdaining my father by refusing to go with you to the wedding. I have told you over and over again that I'm dating Lucas."
"Have you told him?"
"Lucas?"
"Your father. The king."
Tilly lowered her head. "What I have and haven't told my father is none of your business, Michael. You lost the right to know that when you cheated on me and treated me the way you did."
"So, you haven't told him that you picked up a total stranger off the streets."
"Lucas was not a stranger, and I did not pick him up."
"Still, I find it odd that you haven't told him."
"I haven't the opportunity."
"Or, are you ashamed?"
Tilly squinted her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous."
"A gambler with a questionable pedigree…"
"Michael, I have guests."
"Yes, the psychiatric patient and his family. Listen, Ottilia, I know you feel sorry for him, but that's not a reason to lead him on. I mean, it's rather cruel, don't you think?"
"Michael! The Bouchards are…."
"Important guests of the Falkenbergs, as are you – I know."
Just then, Melrose heard a creek on the staircase as Lucas leaned forward to see what was happening. Michael looked over toward a polished silver vase that acted as a type of mirror and saw Bouchard's reflection. He barely suppressed a grin.
"Ottilia, you can't tell me that you don't still have feelings for me. We've shared so much together and been through so many things. The war, when you were by my bedside each and every day. And before that….Remember how good we were together – how we'd appear at any event, and people would step back in awe? Remember when you begged me to elope? Remember when you begged that we could go away someplace and spend our days frolicking in the sunshine and our nights making love?"
Tilly grew quiet. "I was young and foolish. The pressures we were under made me want to escape – to anywhere…."
"You were in love. I think you are still. Ottilia."
Tilly closed her eyes and then turned the other way. "I have to go. The Bouchards are waiting."
"Kiss me," he said, pulling her to him.
"Michael!"
"Kiss me!" Michael grabbed hold of Tilly and kissed her on the mouth, holding her firmly to his person and not letting her go.
Lucas leaned over the railing and saw Tilly in Michael's arms, her face pressed to his. Suddenly, he felt sick. He turned and returned to his room.
Michael continued his assault until he heard Lucas's door shut, and then he released her. Immediately, she slapped him.
"How dare you!" she hissed. "I do not love you, and you have no right. And I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth." She turned and walked away.
"We'll see, Ottilia. We'll see."
Michael put a hand to his face, rubbing his reddened cheek. He smirked as he looked up the stairs, then continued to the dining room.
Once inside his bedroom, Bouchard began to pace. Was that all he was to her? A psychiatric patient to be pitied?
Just then, a knock came on the door, and before he could open it, Jenny and Helen poked their heads in.
"Good, you're up!" Helen said.
"We've come to take you to breakfast," Jenny said. "There is no sense holing up in this room and staying by yourself."
Lucas's eyes searched the room rapidly for something to say. "I'm really not feeling…."
"You're not going to feel better if you stay in here," Helen said. "Sunshine, fresh air, human company! It's time to move around."
Unable to excuse himself, Bouchard nodded and then extended his arm as his mother reached for it and led him from the room.
Because of the large group of guests, the Falkenbergs had moved breakfast from the area they usually ate to the formal dining room. There, the larger group had already gathered. The three children sat with Lucas's parents and Melrose sat with the Falkenbergs, with Tilly at Sophia's right hand and Michael at Ari's left.
"We found him," Jenny announced as they entered the room. Everyone smiled. A seat was waiting for Lucas next to Tilly, but instead of sitting there, Bouchard moved to the opposite side of the table and sat next to Nathan. Jenny stopped, cocking her head, and Nathan stared at him a moment, then shrugged. So, Jenny sat next to Tilly.
"Ari tells me you're the daughter of King Alexei. Is that so?" Martin asked as the servants served him Eggs Benedict. Lucas studied his plate and thought how appropriate the dish was for how he was feeling at that moment.
"Yes, Mr. Bouchard," she replied. "It is true."
"Please, it's Martin," the elder Bouchard responded.
Helen glanced at her son and then at Tilly with a somewhat curious expression. "That must be an interesting life."
"It has been," she replied. "I've enjoyed many opportunities that others aren't afforded."
"And is it customary to have an entourage along ,which includes one's former fiancé?" she asked pointedly.
Lucas was quiet and stared at his plate.
"Michael is only here because of business with Ari. My relationship ended with him long ago."
"So, it would appear," Michael replied. "But appearances can be deceiving."
"Indeed, they can," Lucas responded quietly.
Tilly looked across the table at Bouchard and furrowed her brow, sensing jealousy. "Then again, sometimes appearances mean nothing," she said. Bouchard looked up. "Sometimes you can appear to be an average citizen working an average job, but when one gets to know you, it turns out you're really quite extraordinary," she said, with a slight smile.
"Like me and Tilly," Michael interjected.
Tilly glanced at Melrose with annoyance. "Neither of us worked average jobs when we lived in Dashma."
"No, but you were extraordinary," Melrose replied.
Feeling the heat of anger coming off of his friend's body, Nathan decided to diffuse the situation and change the subject. "What is Dashma like?"
Tilly smiled courteously. "It's a beautiful country, with beautiful forests and a cooler climate."
"Did you live in a castle?" Josephine asked.
Tilly nodded. "Yes, I did."
"Oh, boy! And did the handsome prince come find you and kiss you and win your heart?"
Tilly again looked at Lucas. "No. That happened in New York."
Finally, she received a softer look from him, though she still sensed a distance.
"Tilly has made New York her second home," Sophia said.
"So you like the city?" Helen asked.
"I do," she replied.
"Then you should come and join us when Lucas moves back to Montreal."
Bouchard's gaze shot over toward his mother. "Move to Montreal? I'm sorry, Mother, but Hope Valley is my home."
The room grew still, and Lucas watched as his family exchanged nervous glances. He furrowed his brow. "What's wrong?"
Nathan raised his eyebrows and then looked down. "Um, Hope Valley isn't there anymore."
Lucas tilted his head.
"There was a major fire on that side of Canada, and it wiped out Coulter Lumber and many of the farms. With the main industry being shut down, people began to leave, and we were forced to abandon it.
Lucas blinked in shock. "The saloon? The Mercantile?"
"All of the buildings are still there," Jenny said. "But the people are gone."
Bouchard swallowed. His hometown was gone. "I see," he said quietly.
For the rest of breakfast, Lucas was sullen. Others tried to engage him, but he remained withdrawn. Tilly watched worriedly. Finally, when his parents suggested a trip to town due to the nice sunny day, he declined, citing that he was still a bit tired. But all knew it was more than this.
Jenny tried to get him to change his mind, but Nathan's gentle hand on her arm caused her to back down. This was something he needed to work out on his own.
Returning to their room to change, the Grants decided to strike out on their own rather than go with the Bouchards. Neither had been to the Atlantic Ocean, and this was the end of the season for whale watching, so both were excited. While Nathan got dressed, Jenny picked up her purse and retrieved a small address book that she kept inside. So many people had been watching and praying for Lucas. She needed to get the word out that he had been found and knew precisely the source.
"Lee, will you answer the phone?"
Rosemary Coulter was in the nursery putting Betsy down for her nap and hoped her husband would catch the phone ringing before it disturbed the little girl. Unfortunately, he picked up the phone too late. Betsy started to cry.
"Ohhhh!" Rosemary said with exasperation, picking up the child and then carrying her out into the room.
"Yes, I'll accept," Lee said, glancing at Rosemary, who was staring daggers into him.
"Hello? Jenny! How are you? How is the honeymoon?"
Immediately, Rosemary crossed the room and shoved the baby into Lee's arms. "Give me the phone!"
"What? Huh?"
"Phone, Lee!"
Lee chuckled and explained that Rosemary wanted to talk to her then transferred the receiver over to her as he began to rock his child.
"Jenny Grant, how are you?" Rosie said with enthusiasm.
"We are doing wonderfully well, Rosemary," Jenny said. "New York is an exciting place."
"Oh, I know it is! I used to work on Broadway for several years. Perhaps you've heard of The Midnight Garden or Summer Love?"
Jenny paused. "I'm afraid I wasn't aware…"
"Oh, that's right. You grew up under a rock. But you would have loved them."
Jenny chuckled at how her unaware friend described the rural life that she and Nathan had both lived in Western Canada but decided to let it pass. "I'm calling because I have news."
"Oh?"
"Yes. We've found Lucas."
"W-wh….you've found him, you say?" She turned to her husband. "Lee, they've found Lucas!"
Coulter stood and joined his wife, putting his ear to the receiver.
"Tell us all about it. Is he safe? Does he remember?"
"He is safe," Jenny said. "And he did remember me. He's been living in New York for the past four months with amnesia."
Rosemary shook her head. "Just like in Destiny's Dawn."
"I'm sorry, like…?"
"It's another play," Lee said. "Tell us more."
Rosemary shook her head in agreement.
"Well, he's been living in an apartment and working at the public library and has made some new friends who have taken very good care of him. His memory has not fully returned, but it's getting there."
"Oh, that is wonderful news. We've prayed this day would come," Rosemary said.
"I know. We all have," Jenny replied. "May I ask a favor of you?"
"Anything," Lee replied.
"Would you let the Gowens and Canfields and Bill and Janette know? Oh…and Mike and Mei and Fiona…."
"And the Yosts and Molly," Rosemary continued. "We're on it!"
"Thank you so very much!"
"Anything for Lucas," Lee said.
"Yes, please tell him when he's feeling up to it that we'd love to see him in Bellingham," Rosie said.
"Yes, our home is his," Lee added.
"I will," Jenny replied. "And I'll keep you up to date on how things are going. Now, I think my husband is coming so I need to go. We're going whale watching in about forty minutes and need time to get to the docks."
"Sounds great," Lee said. "Thanks for the update."
"You are family," Jenny said. "And, you always will be. I'm just so happy that it's turned out this way."
"Happy news, for sure," Lee responded.
Hanging up the receiver, the Coulters smiled, and Rosemary hugged Lee and was about to give Lee a peck on the lips when they were interrupted.
"Did they find Buddy?" Jack asked, standing in the doorway.
The Coulters looked at one another and smiled.
"Yes, they did. And he's safe."
Jack visibly relaxed and then began to cry. "I was worried."
Rosemary walked over, leaned down, and hugged him. "We know you were. You don't have to worry anymore, Jack."
He wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Good," he smiled. "And now he can come see me, and he can be my papa, just like Mama said he could be."
Taken aback and not knowing what to say, Rosemary swallowed and then looked up at Lee, whose expression was disturbed. "Well, he can certainly visit," she said. "But for now, you're supposed to be taking a nap, as is Betsy, so off to bed with you."
"Okay, Auntie Rosemary."
Jack turned and ran up the stairs, happier than they had seen him in months, and Rosemary took Betsy back from her husband.
"It'll be okay, Lee," she said. "Well, help him to understand."
Coulter just nodded. He knew it was just a little boy's misunderstanding, but he couldn't help that it hurt.
Retreating again to his room, Lucas stayed inside for the rest of the afternoon. It was all so overwhelming. His memory was being restored, but with it came the knowledge that the world he knew was gone. His fiancée was dead. His home was gone. And if he were perfectly truthful, these people who surrounded him now, whom he knew were supposed to be important to him, were somewhat of an annoyance. He had so much to mentally digest that the last thing he wanted was the commotion and chaos they were causing.
At quarter after five that evening, Jenny knocked on his door and invited him to dinner. She noted that everyone was worried about him, which added guilt to his misery. So, he told her he'd get cleaned up and come down and join them. Making quick work of it, Bouchard made his way down the stairs to join the family. However, they had not gathered there but in the library. As he approached, he heard their whispered tones.
"But we can't tell him this."
Lucas furrowed his brow and stood outside the door, listening to the story of Elizabeth's kidnapping.
"While we were in New Orleans, we found out Amos Dixon had been released and was working with the man that Jenny came to identify," Nathan said, then he turned toward the Falkenbergs for further clarification. "Lucas had an earlier run-in with Dixon when he lived there before, and the man tried to harm one of Lucas's friends who was a widow. Dixon had a vendetta against Lucas and came to Hope Valley seeking revenge. Elizabeth, who, unfortunately, could poke her nose places it didn't belong, found him first, and he kidnapped her."
Tilly spoke up. "That was the second time he did that, right?"
"Correct. Once in Hope Valley about four years ago and then again in New Orleans back in June."
As Nathan was talking, Lucas's heart was pounding. Dixon. He remembered that name. He remembered what an evil man he was and how he tried to burn down the business of his widowed friend, Jeanette Aucoin. He remembered when Dixon kidnapped Elizabeth in Hope Valley and heard Elizabeth's scornful voice about how he had put her in danger and how she had a son. A feeling of dread came over him.
"Anyway, Jenny had a breakthrough, and we asked Lucas to come to the station. He left Elizabeth at the hotel, and we're not sure what happened next, but she left the room. The best we can figure is Dixon got in while she was down at the front desk picking up a message, and when Lucas came back, she was gone."
She's gone…gone…gone. Bill's words at the saloon echoed through Lucas's head. Elizabeth had been kidnapped due to her association with him by a man that he knew was out to get him. He left her alone and unprotected.
"In retrospect, it was a mistake for him to go to the station."
"So, it was my fault that Elizabeth died," Lucas said quietly, stepping into the room, his face ashen.
The group turned toward him in shock that he was there.
"I'm responsible for her death."
"No, that's not what I was saying," Nathan replied, but Bouchard wouldn't let him finish.
"I should have protected her. Dixon was dangerous, and we knew he was there to get revenge. It was my responsibility to take care of her, and I failed."
"Lucas! You aren't to blame for what happened to Elizabeth," Jenny said. "Elizabeth made her own choices."
"How can you say that?" he asked. "The woman died because she was engaged to me."
"Lucas, dear. Now, don't get yourself upset," Helen said. "Let's table this discussion for another time when things are better."
"Why not now, Mother? Do you all think I'm going to lose my mind again?"
"Lucas," Tilly said. "That's not why you weren't told."
He looked at her with pain in his eyes. "You too? You knew, and you didn't tell me?"
Tilly was so stunned that she didn't even notice when Melrose walked forward and placed his hand on her back, but Lucas did. His eyes grew cold.
"Lucas…"
"Enjoy your guests," Bouchard huffed. Turning around, he made his way to the chauffeur's closet in the main hallway, grabbing a set of keys. Everyone stood from their spot and went out to join him.
"Where are you going?" Helen asked.
"Out," Bouchard replied.
"Lucas, you shouldn't be driving," Nathan said. "Not when you're this upset."
"Oh, so now I'm not competent to drive?!"
"Lucas, calm down," Jenny said.
He threw the keys across the hallway floor. "Don't tell me to calm down. This is not your life!" He said, throwing his hands up in the air. "I lost my memory and now that it's come back, I am finding I have nothing to come back to. I've lost it all."
Not knowing what to say, the group watched as Bouchard walked toward the back of the house to the exit that led to the beach.
"Lucas Bouchard, get back here this instant," Helen said. He didn't respond.
"Lucas!' Martin said.
"I need to be alone. Please do not follow."
A door slammed shut in the back of the building, and Tilly walked toward it, but Jenny grabbed her arm. "Let him go," she said as the rest of the family stood there in shock.
"But…."
"Let. Him. Go. My brother tends to hold things inside until he blows. It's a communication issue that he's had since he was a child. He's no doubt got a million different things going up there in that noggin of his, and finding out about Dixon in the way that he did is undoubtedly upsetting. But he will calm down. He always does, and he'll probably apologize for the outburst."
"I don't need an apology," a tearful Tilly said to Jenny. "I just want for him to be okay."
Jenny stopped and studied her, then gently touched her arm. "You love him, don't you?"
Tilly's eyes lowered to the floor, and then she looked back up at her. "Yes. I do."
Michael pursed his lips, looking down at the floor.
"Don't give up on my brother," Jenny smiled sweetly. "He will be okay. Have faith in him. He's one of the good ones. He'll be back," she said as she put an arm around Tilly and walked her back to the family gathering.
Almost everyone had lost their appetite and so Dinner ended early. After that, the Grants, Bouchards, and Falkenbergs went to the library for a nightcap before returning to their rooms. Meanwhile, Tilly stood at the door and watched.
Melrose's anger rose as he observed the scene but rather than sit around making small talk that would accomplish nothing, he determined to intervene. Michael Melrose would not be bested by some mental case. Tilly belonged to him.
Excusing himself, Melrose returned to his room and immediately picked up the telephone. After a few minutes, the other line connected.
"Yes, it's me," Michael said. "Anything new on Bouchard?"
He listened for a few minutes as his investigator gave benign facts from Lucas's past, none of which cast him in a bad light, and so he interrupted.
"This is all a waste. I need you to go down a different path. I overheard that there may have been some sort of other mental collapse in his past the family isn't telling him about. It involved a man named Drake. Solomon Drake. See what you can find out about that and report back to me as soon as possible. This flirtation has gone too far. I need to put a stop to it."
Standing at the door to the patio that faced out to the beach, Tilly could see his solitary form pacing with his hands in his pockets, talking out loud to no one but himself, and then staring out at the water on a rocky ledge along the shoreline. Occasionally, he'd stop and pick up a stone and begin pacing again, finally hurling the projectile into the water. Watching him simply broke her heart. Her love was in torment, and there was nothing she could do but watch. He had to be cold, she thought. He's gone out without a jacket. But Tilly honored Lucas's wish and left him to himself, though everything within her wanted to somehow take his pain away.
When he finally sat and could no longer be seen, Tilly went to her room on the second floor where the view was more advantageous. She briefly changed into her nightclothes before watching through her window the entire night, making sure he was safe.
Lucas walked out to the Sound, inhaling deeply as the cool marine air cooled his burning face. His heart was beating wildly, and he could feel the stress in every muscle of his body, and negative thoughts about what was happening began to pummel his mind. Just as his world was coming back to him, he felt that every bit of it was spinning out of control, and he had an impulse within that demanded he shut it all out. But he knew he couldn't do that. He had to face what was behind him to even have hope for a future. And, he had to face what was going on right then – with his own mental struggles, with his family, and with Tilly. Afraid of the answer to the questions before him, he needed to know where they stood.
Was Michael right? Was there still a spark between Tilly and her former fiancé? If there was, he would not stand in her way. He wanted her to be happy. And yet, seeing them kissing – he felt so betrayed and now, so alone. He thought she understood him, perhaps more than he did himself. He hoped she loved him. Was Melrose right? Was he just a charity case?
At around quarter 'til twelve, Tilly saw Lucas's silhouette stand up from its place and turn toward the house. He looked slumped and exhausted. She watched as he made his way toward the house and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. Had he been crying?
Bouchard looked up and saw her, and his shoulders tensed. How long had she been there? What was she thinking? He had to know. They needed to talk.
Tilly turned from her spot, knowing he was secure for the evening. She turned out the light. Listening for the sound of his footsteps on the stairs, she readied for bed.
Lucas changed into his pajamas and then spent the next hour and a half staring at the ceiling, his body exhausted, aching with tension, and his mind continuing to run. He needed to get answers, or he really would go insane.
Climbing out of bed, he made his way to her room. Pacing in front of her door, all he could see was the two of them together. Was she playing him for a fool?
Inside, Tilly wasn't asleep. How could she? Lucas was in emotional pain, and she felt partly to blame. She needed to check on him to find out if he was okay.
Getting out of bed, she slipped on her robe and walked to the door, opening it just as Bouchard had his hand raised to knock. They both startled each other, but Tilly had no time to recover before Lucas lit into her.
"Why were you kissing him?"
Taken aback, it took her a moment to respond. "What? What are you talking about?"
"I saw you, Tilly. I saw you kissing Michael!"
"Get in here!" she frowned, pulling him into her room by the arm and shutting the door behind him.
"Answer me!"
"Lower your voice. You'll wake the house."
"Maybe it needs to be awake."
"Oh, stop! You did not see me kissing Michael."
"Oh, no?"
"No! You saw Michael kissing me."
"Is that a fact?"
"Yes."
"Did your father arrange for the two of you to attend a wedding together?"
She pursed her lips. "Michael made mention of it, but I haven't spoken to Father yet. It's for Princess Catherine, and it's in the Spring."
"So, you are going," Lucas replied, crossing his arms.
"Catherine is a friend of mine, and I will most likely go to her wedding."
"With him?" Lucas replied.
Tilly rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I can't believe this."
"Answer me, are you going with him?"
She laughed. "You're jealous."
Lucas's eyes narrowed. "That is not an answer."
Tilly turned on her heels and walked toward the window. "Well, as long as you're acting like this, you're not getting an answer."
Lucas followed. "Tilly. You owe me the truth. Do you still care for me? Do I mean anything to you?"
She turned. "Do you…?"
"Or am I just a charity case?" he interrupted.
"Charity case?" she asked incredulously. "Where did you ….?" She shook her head. "Oh, that's right. You were listening in on us when Michael kissed me. You heard his accusations."
"Just answer me."
"You did, didn't you?"
"It doesn't matter. I need to know."
"Fine. My relationship with Michael is….complicated. But only because my father likes him, and his assets are needed to help support the war. Michael and I are not together and haven't been since he walked out after Gregori confronted him. What you thought you saw, the two of us kissing, was Michael kissing me, not the other way around."
"You didn't seem to mind it."
"I'm sorry?"
"I saw you with your arm around him."
"To keep from losing my balance."
"I heard you moan."
"He was hurting me."
"Tilly, I saw…."
"You saw. You saw. And if you had stayed a moment longer, you would have also seen me leaving my palm print across his face. And you would have heard me tell him he had no right to do that and that if he were the last man on earth, I would never marry him."
Lucas took a step back. "You slapped him?"
"I did."
"But he said you have feelings for one another. He said that you were rekindling the old flame."
"Michael's a liar! What more can I say that you'll believe me? He was a liar then, and he's a liar now," she responded. "Lucas Bouchard! Listen to yourself! I'm shocked at you. Do you not trust me? Lucas, you know me!"
Lucas's eyes searched the room, then returned to hers. "I want to. But, Tilly, how can I be sure? Everything is so muddled up. Nothing is making sense. He arrived, and now it feels like everything has changed. How do I know that you're not just being kind to me but that, in truth, you're in love with him."
Tilly stepped forward. "Because I can't be in love with him when I'm in love with you."
Lucas opened his mouth to respond but went mute. His eyes widened like a child.
"What?"
"I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for some time - even though you drive me mad sometimes."
Bouchard stopped talking while he let her words sink in. Tilly loves me.
She patiently waited for him to respond, hoping her confession hadn't made things worse, and then he smiled. "At least we'd be a matching set," he said.
Tilly walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him to her. "Lucas – a beautiful name, by the way, to match a beautiful man. I've been so worried about you. I know you're struggling, and I long to help you, but I can't if you shut me out. I want to know what's going on with you. I want to know everything about you. And I want to help you to feel safe so that you can heal and we can see what comes next for us.
Won't you tell me what's on your mind? Is it that we've been holding things back from you? Because if that's the case, it's what the doctor ordered. We can change that if you like, but only if you're comfortable."
Lucas looked into her eyes, so kind, and hugged her closely. He decided to let her in. "That's part of it. I want to know, but people are tiptoeing around me, and it makes me feel…."
"Misunderstood?"
"Yes," he replied, placing a kiss on her forehead and then stepping away. He walked over toward her dresser and sat on its edge as Tilly responded.
"Then, I'll talk with your family and tell them that you want to talk about those things and feel strong enough to handle them if that will make it better."
Lucas nodded. "It would." But then his countenance shifted, and he appeared disturbed.
"There's more?" she asked.
"Yes." He paused for a long time and finally raised his eyes. "I feel guilty. Guilty about Elizabeth. I should have done more."
"But that wasn't your fault."
"I know that's what they say, but that's not how I feel. She was my responsibility, and I left her alone in a strange city, and a man I had been associated with earlier took her, and he killed her. Had she never met me, she would still be alive."
"Lucas, you're mourning. When a loved one dies, it's not uncommon to…."
"NO!" he said loudly, lowering his head as tears fell from his eyes. He raised his free hand and wiped them away. "No," he whispered.
Tilly squeezed his hand, saying nothing. Just being there for him, for whatever he needed to say. Over a minute passed by before red-rimmed eyes looked at her. "I am a terrible man."
Tilly furrowed her brow. "Lucas, no, you're not.
"Yes! I am! Because I feel nothing. I feel nothing about Elizabeth. She might as well be some crime victim in a newspaper column, a stranger who had some misfortune. I mean, I feel some empathy for her situation. My mind tells me this was a tragic event. But in terms of any love I felt for her - I can't reach it. I feel no connection. I feel numb."
"It's all new to you. You're still in shock."
"But when's it going to end? They say that she was important to me. They even say she was my very life and that I loved her more than life itself, and yet…it's like I'm hearing about a stranger. I feel no love. I feel nothing. And, I'm afraid….I'm afraid that when she died, she took part of me with her and left this void within me which shall always be irreparably empty." His eyes whelmed up. "I mean, shouldn't I feel something toward this woman that I loved and was going to spend my life with?"
Tilly held his hand tighter and stroked his face. Her heart ached for him. "I'm not sure that's the right question at this time, given what you've been through. You've been through a terrible trauma, and your mind is protecting…."
"Others don't do that when they grieve. Am I so emotionally weak that I can't handle grief? That I just shut down like some psychological invalid who can't feel normal feelings?"
"No. I think it's just the opposite."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, perhaps you love so deeply and feel emotions so strongly that the other person truly does become a part of you. You live and breathe to make them happy – and if they go, part of you really does go with them."
"Then, I'm broken."
"We all are my love, in one way or another. But, I think you are being too hard on yourself."
"Am I?"
"Yes. You are," she responded, running her fingers through his hair. "The human mind is an amazing thing, and I think that none of us fully understands it. But you have been through a tremendous trauma, one that anyone would have struggled with, given the love you had. You are remembering, but it will take time for it to come back. Maybe some things won't, or maybe they will, and maybe coming to terms with the loss of Elizabeth is just too much to bear right now, and that's alright. You shouldn't pressure yourself to feel. Just let things occur. Your mind is working the way God designed it. Don't fight it. Just rest"
He didn't respond verbally but instead looked toward the moonlight shining through the window.
"Lucas, whatever comes, we can face it together. You're not alone."
He turned toward her with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. "Oh, Tilly. You've been so patient and kind to me, and yet, right now…I feel…I feel so undone….What's wrong with me?" Tears began running down his cheeks, which he tried to cover, but Tilly came to him, drew him to her chest, and the dam broke. Sheer nerves and confusion and guilt and burden rose to the surface. She held him closely and rocked him, stroking his head and giving him comfort as no human being had done before.
"It's alright. It will be alright," she whispered.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and held on to her, relishing her softness, warmth, the soothing scent of lilacs in her perfume, sinking into her embrace. Then, when he began to calm somewhat, he glanced down, and it was only then that he realized how they were dressed and the situation they were in. Her chiffon robe barely concealed the satiny nightgown beneath, and there he was in just his pajamas without a robe. What had he done?
Lucas stood up and tried to comport himself into what he felt was an appropriate stance. "I suppose I should be going."
But, when she stood as well and walked to him, he saw in her sparkling blue eyes such love that it left him speechless. Closing the gap around him, she wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing her lips to his. And suddenly, he felt what he was lacking. That empty void inside began to refill with an emotional connection so deep that it consumed him. Again, his mind sang the words Tilly loves me. I am loved. And a feeling of exhilaration overtook him. His hands instinctively slid down her back and to her waist and back up again. It felt so wonderful to be with her, to hold her. To feel the warmth of her body next to his. She felt like…home.
Their kisses deepened, and Lucas allowed himself to rest. He was safe with Tilly. And he loved her.
When they pulled away, he still had his eyes shut when she whispered the most tantalizing words. "Stay with me."
Opening his eyes, he looked at her nervously, knowing his limits. "As much as I would love to, I don't think…."
"Don't think. Just stay. I don't want you to go."
"Tilly, I don't believe you understand…."
"I understand fully," she replied. "I love you, and I don't want you to go."
Lucas swallowed. Every fiber of his being felt as if it was on fire, from his darkened eyes to the tips of his toes. "Wh-what are you saying."
She leaned up and rested her cheek against his, and as she did the chiffon robe she was wearing dropped to the floor. Whispering in his ear, she put her fingers under the spaghetti straps of her gown and let them slide off her shoulder. "Stay with me, Lucas. Make love to me."
Bouchard's throat went dry, but then, as he looked at her, her skin beautifully bathed in the moonlight, he turned his thoughts off. This was his Tilly, and he was in love with her. He wanted to stay. And he did.
Authors' Note: Okay. Well, um, that just happened. We realize that this is uncharacteristic of Lucas but also see where he is at this point in time, it could naturally have occurred. There will be a little more explanation from Lucas coming up, but for now, we ask our readers who may have been a little offended by this moment to trust us. We didn't make this choice for any salacious or gratuitous reason and it is heading somewhere very good.