Chapter 8 - Fate hard to tolerate
The beers go down quickly enough and we find ourselves playing a couple of rounds of Texas Hold'em, with me acting as dealer/player. Due to Thoron's gambling addiction I forced us to not play with money, having instead to bet with chips made of wood and ivory. Nevertheless, Thoron is the first to go bust since he kept going all in on pairs, the fucking idiot. Gigi is the next one to go since her poker face is lousy at best. I'm the next one to bust since pulling double duty as player and dealer made the game boring for me.
Curie and Sam are now face-to-face with eachother, fire versus water, calm passion against nonchalant aloofness. …Curie loses against Sam with a brutal turnaround since Curie's ability to read people, or rather pokemon, doesn't work when her opponent is as intellectual as a slice of bread.
Curie's expression is one of despair when she checks her cards, having folded a pair of kings with a full house on the table, only to lose to a 7-2 hand. "Je suis mort." She folds, plumes of smoke rolling from the corners of her mouth as she slams her forehead against the stump.
"Congratulations Sam, you won." I say, picking up the cards and shuffling them, putting them away neatly in my rucksack.
"I did?"
"Yeah, everyone else bust."
"When?"
"Just now, didn't you-? Son of a bitch, did you doze off again?"
"Maybe."
"You know what? Nevermind, congratulations."
"Yay."
The atmosphere lightens up a bit when I take out a bundle of cookies wrapped in parchment paper, handing them out generously to the losers.
"So," Thoron begins, munching on a cookie. "Mind telling us why you called the meeting? And I mean the true reason, not the bullshit you told the others."
"Wigglytuff's guild is preparing for another multi-team expedition and they asked us for aid." I say, sighing while I light a cigar.
Curie raises an eyebrow, nibbling on a cookie. "Why ask us? They have a lot of teams under their banner."
"I'm still affiliated with them due to all the Primal Dialga fiasco."
"Really? I thought you split from them after-" Curie's words are cut off by my glare, in which afterwards she grumbles and sips some berry juice.
I clear my throat and carry on. "Nevertheless, I'm still affiliated with them and they helped me a lot when I first arrived. By association, you owe them as well since I gave you all a hand when shit hit the fan."
Sam ponders my words for a speaking. "Sure, I see no issue with it. What are the teams that will be attending the expedition?"
I pull out a crumpled letter from my bag and run my eyes through it again.
"Let's see… Raider, A.C.T, AWD, Razor Wind, Frontier, the guys at the Wigglytuff Guild…" I read out loud, trailing off.
"What's wrong? You stopped talking."
"I-It's nothing, I think it's because it's late."
"Late what? It's early morning."
"Maybe I slept late, ever thought about that?"
"Rags, you sleep like a rock."
"Maybe I didn't this time."
Gigi hops down from the table and peers over my shoulder, reading the letter. "You know what, maybe we shouldn't send supplies. They invited them after all." She says, rubbing my back gently.
"No, they still think we're on good terms." I reply, dropping the letter on the table.
"Why would they? What happened to you was horrible."
"I didn't tell the guild what happened."
"What?! Why?!"
"Because I didn't want to put Wigglytuff between me and them! He's a good guy goddamn it!"
"Fuck that! Rags, they left you in ruins!" Gigi replies, holding onto my hands tightly.
"It's neither Wigglytuff's nor the guild's fault."
"It is because they keep inviting Team Charm!" Gigi blurts out, realizing too late what she said. "Rags, I'm sorry, I-"
"This meeting is over." I reply, standing up and leaving the conference room in a hurry, slamming the door behind me. A saunter turns into a brisk walk which turns into a jog which turns into a full-on sprint down the halls and stairs, leaving the guild.
.
Panicked yells and screams fall on my deaf ears as I bolt down the streets, my breath quickening and my heart beating frantically in my chest. My clothes feel tight in my body and my head is buzzing. How shameful, my mind has regressed to the level akin to a beast, my only thoughts revolving around running away and escaping. I stop near an alleyway and empty my stomach's contents into a corner, my mouth burning from the acid goop I shared with the world.
My thoughts catch up to me after I throw up, thumping screams of retribution and absolution claw at my mind in a whirlwind of darkness and fear.
"Why are you running away? You did nothing wrong. Nothing wrong, nothing wrong with being a coward. Coward! Cowardly actions beget betrayal. Traitorous snake. Traitor! How couldn't you see the signs? Signs…" They mock and plead, cry yet sneer.
"Shut the fuck up you're not real. Get out of my head, get out of my head, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I repeat the words out loud over and over again until the buzzing seems to quieten down to a manageable level. And then the pounding recommences, the hubbub of the streets booming in my ears, shadows shift in size and shape, tendrils seem to crawl up my body and tighten around my neck. I try closing my eyes but it only makes the feeling of helplessness stronger. My shoot open again, darting around from place to place. I feel like I am losing my mind. Maybe I am, but all I know is that the city is too… too to me.
Walking at a brisk pace out of the town I feel the fresh air of the plains fill my lungs, calming me down somewhat. In front of me are green rolling hills as far as my eyes can see, as well as a cobblestone road leading all the way out towards the outcropping overlooking the guild. My feet move me automatically up the road, stopping on top of the cliff. I sit down, legs dangling over the edge and I look at Emberspark for what feels like ages.
The sky's blue color shifts into a warm orange over the course of a few hours and I find myself wondering about the lives of the pokemon that reside in town. That Blissey with her two happiny always goes to the bakery at sundown for discounted daily bread, those three Machoke brothers always go out to a bar after their work shift is done, that Comfey always tries to woo the cute Lurantis at the diner during dinner rush. I am so engrossed in what I'm doing that I don't hear the rustling steps approaching until I notice a large furry body sitting beside me.
"Hey." He says gruffly, resting his large paw on my shoulder.
"...Hey."
"I can wait all day if I have to."
"..."
"..."
"...Looks like you turned back into an Ursaluna."
"It's been more than an hour." Thoron snorts, yawning.
"Sorry for bolting like that."
"I've seen fiercer men leave for less, don't worry."
"Still, it doesn't sit right with me."
Thoron laughs, almost falling off the edge. "And since when do you care about opinions?"
"When they're mine, asshole." I laugh grimly, punching Thoron's arm.
We let the laughter die down and return our gazes towards the town. Thoron speaks up.
"So, Team Charm huh?"
I sigh, running my hand through my hair. "Yeah, I got bad blood with them."
"Enough to make you flee at least. Trauma?"
"To some extent, yes. There were… bad things that happened in the past and I'm honestly still fucking mad at it."
"Someone who's mad doesn't have a panic attack like that."
"...Fine, I am still pretty heartbroken over it."
Surprisingly enough, Thoron keeps listening to my words, I thought he would lose interest in what I was saying in the blink of an eye. The warm tones of the sunset are replaced by the dark blue sky covered in twinkling lights.
"Though you still didn't tell me why you're here." I say, giving Thoron a sideways glance.
"You didn't end the meeting."
"What are you on about? I called the meeting off when I bolted out of the room."
"Curie went on and on about procedures and how you weren't in the right mindset to call off the meeting. I got bored and came out here to get you."
"Wait, they're still waiting for me?"
"Yeah, isn't it obvious?" Thoron asks, rolling his eyes.
"...Damn it, I feel like an asshole now."
"I doubt they'll mind either way."
"I don't want to go back."
"Then don't."
"That's not how I work and you know it." I sigh, standing up and stretching. "Need a hand getting up?"
"No thanks, I got it."
.
The journey back is quieter, both in my mind and in the outside world, the grass around me rustling from the cool evening air. The same Blissey I looked at from the cliff approaches me in the town square and gives me a hug, rubbing my back and places an oran berry in my pocket. "Here, you look like you could use a pick-me-up." She says before returning to her kids.
My thanks come out in the form of the most quiet of whispers, which prompts a snort from Thoron and him giving bedroom eyes at the Blissey mother. I give him a smack on his arm. "Don't even try it." I warn Thoron.
Stepping through the guild's entrance, its newfound morose ambience gives me the heebie jeebies but I power through it and return to Conference room 3. Opening the door again I am greeted by a teary-eyed Tinkaton sitting on her knees with her head hung low. Her eyes are puffy and her usual smile is replaced with a moribund frown. The silence is palpable between us, with Gigi speaking up first.
"I'm sorry, I spoke without thinking and I know how much you dislike us talking about it so I forgot and I messed up and I'm sorry-" Gigi speaks at a mile a minute, blubbering while she tries to look up at me. I unconsciously rush forward and hug her, stroking her back gently.
"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it. I also went too far."
"No you didn't, I was the one that messed up."
"I messed up too so we're even, okay?"
Gigi's sniffles slow down until she gives me a weak smile and hugs me tightly, wanting to be held. I acquiesce and hold her in my arms, sitting her down in my lap.
Sam looks the same, oblivious to everything around her, and Claire looks worried, shifting her weight from one foot to another. I clear my throat.
"Due to my… episode today, I would like to adjourn today's meeting to a week from now, in order to recuperate and ensure the well-being of everyone present." I say, looking around the room. The proposal is unanimously agreed upon and we file one after the other out of the room. I yawn and stretch, yet my movements are halted by an unseen resistance.
"Gigi, are you comfy?" I ask, spinning my head around to try to glance at Gigi gripped around my back like a baby koala, face snuggled between my shoulder blades.
"Mhm." Her reply is muffled by my shirt, though I can still hear her sniffles loud and clear. I feel horrible.
Chapter 8 is here, sorry for the wait. Trying to write complex emotions gave me quite the writer's block. Have a good one.