The blade in gravity blade

by Hmyes

Technoblade gets sent to Gravity falls right before he dies. This is planned through both seasons of gravity falls.

31. Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Spooks and Stans

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AN: Hey all, I'm sorry it took so long. Here, have the longest chapter written yet! Clocking in at 21,477 words, this beats the old longest chapter of 12,663 by a long shot.

So, I need to address the Wilbur Soot things. As far as I can tell, Wilbur was an abusive Boyfriend. I haven't seen either side post full details, but considering the evidence from each side, I can only draw one conclusion. The only good thing you can say is that Wilbur didn't touch kids, I guess. It's a shame that not touching kids is such a high bar for minecraft youtubers.

I have found a way to deal with Wilbur, so don't worry about it.

Good news for everyone who asked for it, Preston Northwest is going to have a real bad time in the coming chapters.

Also, I got a review on Fanfic that really confused me. It was on the prologue, "Mackenzie Luu:This is horribly dated because he actually died". I… uh… yeah, that's kinda the point? This is a remembrance of Techno, what do you mean it's horribly dated? I am very confused, in case you couldn't tell.

Apart from that, Physics is a bitch. There was a homework problem that our professor (PHD, btw) took an hour and a half to solve. It sucked.

Beta'd by the incredible Sora

Join the discord, we have idiots arguing and war crimes being plotted. Also featuring: the deboobinator, don't read that; you'll be traumatized, the server members acting like children, and much, much more!

Discord: disc /eS SP2GtYQS

Trigger warnings, because last chapter wasn't enough: Torture, implied torture, implied human experimentation, death, internalized sexism, minor bit of dehumanization.

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Dipper wakes up to a face full of Mabel. "Wha? Mabel?" Dipper asks groggily.

"Dipper! Dipper! Come see what I found!" Mabel screams. Dipper sighs and slowly starts getting out of bed. Mabel decides he isn't moving fast enough, and pulls him along. "C'mon Dipping sauce, we gotta wake up Paz too!"

"Paz?" Dipper questions before yawning.

Mabel shrugs. "Pacifica's nickname."

"I wasn't aware," Dipper comments before being interrupted by a massive yawn. "That you and Pacifica were on such good terms."

"Yeah, well, you know what they say: You break into a heavily fortified compound with someone, you become friends." Mabel responds.

Dipper nods in agreement before making a realization. "Wait, so that's how she got those clothes."

"What clothes?" Mabel asks innocently.

"D-don't worry about it! Heh-heh, yeah." Dipper laughs awkwardly whilst blushing furiously.

Mabel decides not to investigate any further. The Pines twins arrive at Pacifica's door and Mabel moves to start banging on the door.

"Wait, don't!" Dipper hisses at Mabel.

"Why not?" Mabel asks.

"She might still be asleep, and, uh, Waking her up could damage your friendship…?" Dipper suggests.

Mabel's brain begins analyzing her brothers excuse. 'Hmm, he wasn't confident in his reasoning, which means that it was an excuse. He didn't want to wake up Pacifica, but because of me. Which means… EEEEE! He's in love with Pacifica! Yes! My plan grows ever closer to fruition! I need to go somewhere private and cackle manically at some point today.'

"Are you sure that's the only reason bro-seph?" Mabel asks teasingly.

"W-what do you mean?" Dipper asks, his voice cracking.

"Oh, you know," Mabel teases. "Maybe the fact that you like Pacifica!?" Mabel states at a volume just under shouting.

"Shh, Mabel!" Dipper says, vainly trying to hush Mabel.

"What, don't want Pacifica to know you like her?" Mabel continues to badger her brother.

"Well, I would certainly hope he cares about me: he is my boyfriend after all." Pacifica says dryly from her doorway.

[ok, ngl... I forgot this happened :skull:]

"hoh boy." Dipper sighs, looking at Mabel. Mabel's head begins smoking, steam pouring from her ears as her brains attempts to process what she just heard.

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The night before, after they agreed to start dating, Dipper told something to Pacifica.

"By the way, you may want to keep quiet about this around Mabel."

"Why? Will she not approve?" Pacifica asks tensely, not wanting to lose Mabel as a friend.

"No, no, nothing like that." Dipper is quick to reassure his girlfriend. "She's just going to freak out for, like, an entire day. You can tell everyone else, you may just want to be hush-hush about it around Mabel."

"Okay." Pacifica agrees, promising to reveal it at the first time it wouldn't seem unusual. After all, Pacifica knew how much it hurt when someone you thought cared about you lied to your face.

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Around the shack, birds are scared into the air and animals hide in their burrows or freeze above ground. Elsewhere, as Preston Northwest holds up a glass of wine, the glass shatters, drenching him in red wine, staining his suit.

[def worth going deaf ong]

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Yes! My goals are complete! Yes!" Mabel screams, jumping up and down. She hugs Dipper, picking him up and swinging him around a little before running towards Pacifica to do the same. Pacifica pales slightly, but is saved by Dipper.

"Hey, Mabel, didn't you have something to show us?"

"Oh yeah, I did!" Mabel agrees happily. "Follow me!" She yells before turning to Pacifica. "We are having a girl talk later." After making that promise, or threat, she runs off into the shack. Dipper and Pacifica look at each other before shrugging and following the hyperactive sweater wearer.

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"It's here it's here it's here!" Mabel screams at the two slowpokes. "Okay, so I was just opening random doors - because I'm a creep - when I found something amazing!"

Dipper fights off a yawn. "If it was worth waking up at seven AM for, that will be amazing."

Pacifica shrugs. "I'm usually up before sunrise, so it doesn't bother me."

Mabel looks at Pacifica in shock. "We gotta teach you how to sleep in! Anyways, feast your eyes!" Mabel opens a closet door with a flourish, revealing an assortment of fireworks.

"Whoa!" Dipper gasps.

"What are those?" Pacifica asks herself.

Mabel rests a hand on both Dipper's and Pacifica's shoulders. "Bro, Paz. We're all thinking it."

""Crazy rooftop fireworks party!"" The twins cheer while Pacifica offers moral support.

"Not so fast, kids! There is no way on earth you're setting off those dangerous, illegal fireworks..." Stan interrupts, stalking up to the trio decked out in a bathrobe and not much else. "...without me." Dipper, Stan, and Mabel grin at each other, preparing to rush outside.

"Hey, uh, I'm not going outside without getting dressed." Pacifica interrupts.

"Oh, uh, yeah." Grunkle Stans grumbles. The Pines twins make noises of agreement before the group splits up to dress.

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After the four get changed, they make their way to the roof. The quartet spend a while working up a sweat shooting off explosives before Dipper works up a sweat. He walks over to a cooler full of Popsicles.

"Anyone want an icy-pop?" Dipper asks. Mabel and Stan are busy launching fireworks and then cackling maniacally at the explosion, so they don't answer. Pacifica nods uncertainly, not entirely sure what an icy-pop is. Dipper hands a Cherry popsicle to Pacifica and grabs himself a blue popsicle.

(Thanks to Luigimacter on the discord for the flavors.)

Stan relaxes on his lawn chair with a lit sparkler while Mabel grabs another firework. "Here you go, sweetie." Stan says, reaching over with the sparkler. "Set something on fire for your Grunkle Stan."

Mabel aims into the sky with a manic grin. "I AM THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION!"

Drawn to the sounds of fun and enjoyment, the local law enforcement emerges onto the lawn below the fearsome fireworks foursome. Sherriff Blubs gestures to Deputy Durland for a megaphone before shouting up to the roof.

"Hold on a minute. Do you have a permit for those?"

"Uh…" Dipper mumbles, trying to figure out an excuse.

"Uh, do you have a permit for being totally lame?" Stan fires back. Dipper and Mabel start laughing while Pacifica looks really uncertain as to the appropriate response.

"Heyoooo!" Mabel cheers.

"Well, I can't argue with that." Blubs chuckles, walking away. "Carry on."

Stan laughs for a few seconds before sobering. "But seriously though we should probably clean this mess up." The lawn was covered in small piles of ash, and there were a few small fires here and there.

"With water balloons?" Mabel suggests.

"I don't see why not." Stan shrugs.

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Dipper runs from Mabel while dodging water balloons and begging Pacifica for help. Stan relaxes on the outdoor sofa, nursing a Pitt Cola. Pacifica Laughs at her boyfriend before taking pity on him and hitting Mabel in the face with a water balloon.

"Ah. This is what Saturdays are for. Doing dumb things forever." Stan comments.

Dipper and Mabel each take one of Pacifica's hands and the trio jump onto a massive pile of water balloons. As they descend, Dipper and Mabel repeat after Stan. "DUMB THINGS FOREVER!" The balloons pop, sending a wave of water towards Stan.

"Whoa, there!" Stan exclaims, holding up a hand to keep the water out of his eyes before he starts laughing.

Mabel holds up a popsicle she grabbed earlier like one would hold a wine glass. "To Grunkle Stan! Not just a great uncle..." She trails off, allowing Dipper to finish her thought. While Dipper is talking, Mabel passes Pacifica a water balloon with a smile and a wink.

"The greatest uncle!" Right as Dipper finishes, the trio toss their water balloons at Stan.

Stan laughs, wiping the water from his face. "Alright, alright. I tell you it's unnatural for siblings to get along as well as you do."

"Ha-ha! Don't worry. We've still got plenty of summer left," Mabel reassures her Grunkle as she dives on top of Dipper. "to drive each other crazy!" Dipper pushes Mabel away with a water balloon, which ends up splashing Mabel's face.

Stan frowns uncertainly. "Yeah, plenty of summer left." He rubs the back of his neck as the trio start walking inside to get dried off. "Kids, there's something I, uh, something I should tell you. It's um, well it's complicated. I... I'm gonna go refresh my soda." Dipper and Mabel look after him in confusion as he leaves. Pacifica, however, finds a fresh batch of water balloons and decides to pour them over the Pines twins heads, successfully distracting them.

"Enjoy it while you can, Stan. They'll find out sooner or later. Today's the day." Stan says to himself by the side of the house. A glowing red dot appears on Stan's fez. "What is that, a ladybug?" Stan asks, slapping at it. More dots appear all over Stan's body. "What the-? Oh no!"

Two masked agents tackle Stan and hold him on the ground while Agent Trigger approaches. After confirming Stan is down, Trigger begins talking into his radio. "Target secure! Take the house!"

A trio of helicopters emerges from the trees as multiple squads of agents approach from the woods. Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica are quickly surrounded, and an agent barks into his radio. "Kids are secure. Roof team! Go!"

[ok, but how did they not hear the helis from a mile away? Seriously those things are loud asf](cartoon logic.)

Multiple squads rappel down from the whirly-birds, breaking in through the windows. They sound off clears, except for one, who manages to secure a pig. Agents begin blocking off the shack with yellow police tape as several vehicles pull up. An agent leads Stan, secured in handcuffs, around to the cars.

"Ugh! Hey, hands off, you stooge!" Stan complains, struggling in vain. Stan is forced head down on the hood of the car. "Aah! I don't understand! What did I do that warrants this much arresting?" Stan asks in genuine confusion.

[definitely the pug trafficking]

Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica look on with concern as two agents approach. Dipper gasps when he sees Agents Trigger and Powers.

"The government guys? I thought you got eaten by zombies!" Dipper asks in shock.

"We survived. Barely." Trigger says flatly.

"I used Trigger as a human shield. He cried like a baby." Powers states as a matter of fact.

"What? Hey! Not in front of the special-ops guys!" Trigger whines, gesturing to the agents around them, a couple of whom were stealthily laughing.

Powers holds up a tablet to Stan. "This is security footage of a government waste facility. At O four hundred hours last night someone robbed three hundred gallons of dangerous waste." The footage shows someone in a yellow hazmat suit carting barrels of nuclear waste outside of the facility.

"What? You think that's me?" Stan asks.

"Don't play dumb with us, Pines." Powers demands.

"But-but I actually am dumb!" Stan protests. An agent starts leading him into the car. "Last night, I was restocking the gift shop. I swear!" As he finishes his sentence, the car door locks, cutting him off from the twins and Pacifica.

"Wait! Grunkle Stan!" Mabel yells, reaching for her Grunkle before turning to Powers. "You've got the wrong guy! Our Grunkle Stan might shoplift the occasional tangerine, but he's not some evil super villain!" Mabel says vehemently, protesting her Grunkle's innocence.

"Listen, kid. We've been watching your family all summer and we've seen some disturbing things. But nothing as dangerous as what your uncle is hiding. Somewhere hidden in this shack is a doomsday device!" Powers claims before turning to his partner. "Trigger, you take the children. I'll talk to the old man." Powers turns back to the tins and Pacifica. "Sorry to break it to you kids, but you don't know your uncle at all." Stan is driven away, his horrified face meeting the twins' gaze. Powers walks away from the kids, and Trigger snaps his fingers.

[i'm surprised they didn't mention Techno to the kids considering how much they were watching him and the Pines']

Several agents approach the trio, one of whom grabs Mabel's icy-pop as evidence. "Hey!" Mabel complains, reaching for her popsicle. Before she can grab it, Mabel, Dipper, and Pacifica are escorted towards a car. The agent that grabbed the icy-pop looks around before surreptitiously taking a lick.

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Wendy walks to the shack, holding a packed lunch and humming a ditty. "Headin' into work. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doooo." She rounds a corner to see the shack covered in police tape and surrounded by agents. Two agents break down the front door and lead a group inside as another helicopter deploys more agents. "Or maybe not." Wendy states calmly, spinning in place and walking away in a false casualness.

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Philza steps outside and stretches his wings. His cold has finally passed, and he is ready to go visit Stanford Pines and finally discover what is going on over there. Stanford didn't strike Phil as the type to turn his house into a tourist trap. The personality of this supposed Stanford also didn't line up with Phil's experience, but considering the years, Phil was more willing to accept strange quirks.

Phil rubs his eyes, his mind running over the previous few days. In all honesty, he couldn't remember much, but judging how most of his flock roommates were doing their best to stay out of reach of his wings, he could hazard a guess. Phil also has vague memories of a young bird leaving before returning, and then escaping his loving arms! Coincidently, Phil hadn't seen Axolotl666 in a few days.

Right before Phil leaps into the air, he feels something… off with the world. Gravity loses its grip, and anything not secured begins floating. Phil sighs. Gravity had been failing occasionally the previous few days, but the time between failures was decreasing.

Phil didn't care about gravity too much: after all, he did have wings. The majority of his worries related to his friends who couldn't fly or pull off an mlg water bucket clutch. Phil quickly looks around, verifying that no one had been caught by surprise and were flying into infinity.

Phil's search is interrupted by a shrill screech of terror. He whips around to see Wilbur holding onto a fence and perfectly fine, but pointing towards something in the sky. Phil follows the finger and catches sight of something fluffy and blue rapidly ascending. Faintly, Phil can hear frantic baa's.

Phil leisurely leaps into the air, intent on slowly bringing Friend back to safety, when gravity returns. "Shit." Phil swears, pushing himself upwards to the limit to catch the falling sheep. If Friends baa's previously questioned why he was floating, his current bleats communicated his thoughts of pure terror. Friend plummets past Phil, and Phil is forced to make a snap turn into a dive.

Right before Friend goes splat, Phil catches the sheep and pulls out of the dive. Phil flaps over to Wilbur, and hands him his sheep.

"Thanks Phil!" Wilbur holds onto Friend tightly.

"Don't worry about it mate." Phil says. "You do know that it's supposed to be a cow that jumps over the moon, right?" Wilbur glares and Phil chuckles, returning to his goal of visiting the Mystery Shack.

The flight is peaceful, and Phil lets his mind wander as he floats upon the air. 'How many times have I started this journey? Far too many, reflecting on it. Every time I try and get close to the shack, something comes up, or I get sick, or I have to go save the children. I wonder… are the forces of reality conspiring against me? Nah, it's just a series of coincidences. At least this time, nothing could possibly go wr-' Phil's thoughts are cut off by a sudden burning. His body spasms, and he begins to fall.

Before he can go far, though, he is caught in a net that is pulled into a helicopter. Phil barely whispers out a caw before he passes out. A crow hears the call, and begins to rally his fellows: the Crowfather is in danger.

[chat, hear me out: the government guys are absolutely fucked.]

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Techno snorts suspiciously into his cup of tea. The voices had been quieter recently, and had been completely silent for more than a few minutes, which meant something was actively going wrong. Add that to the headache that has been progressively getting worse since the Northwest party, and it was almost a relief when a murder of crows lands in the compound, screaming about the government.

"What's wrong." Techno asks gruffly, already pulling on his armor.

"Caw! Cra-caw! Caaaw! Cruaw! Caw caw!" The horde all starts talking at once. "Caw? Caw craw! Caaa! Kaw!"

(Crowfather kidnapped! Government bad! Crowfather in net! Pog! E! /Rainbowchat! Government steal Crowfather! Crowfather hit with zap-zap! It's called lighting, idiot. U R idiot! Shut. Ph1lza gone, must save! Philza surprise adopted! They gonna experiment on dad! Halp! Techno-help! Save the old man!)

"What." Techno demands, his voice dangerously calm. "The government kidnapped Phil, knocked him unconscious, and plan on experimenting on him?"

The crows look at each other before pushing one crow forward.

"Caw? Craw caw caaw." The crow says to the rest of the murder before turning to Techno. "Craw caw-craw."

(Really? Screw you guys. Yup, that's what happened.)

Techno nods coldly. "I assume you mobilized the murders?"

The crows nod.

"Excellent. We ride immediately." Techno orders, before turning towards the base. "Wilbur! Tommy! Everyone else! Phil got kidnapped, I'm going after him! You guys stay here in case the government hits our commune!"

Before he can leave, Techno is interrupted by a crow.

"Craw! Caw caw craw, Cra-caw! Caw craw caw caw caaw."

(Wait! They are coming here, with an army! Hundreds of agents! If you leave, everyone will be captured)

Techno snarls before shouting out new orders. "Change of plans, they have an army coming here right now. Get armored up, now!"

Tommy sticks his head out one of the windows, armor half pulled on and a cow lick showing he was just asleep. "What about Dad?!"

"The crows are working on it." Techno reassures Tommy before shooting the crows a look that tells them to get to work. The crows fly off as SBI and Co set up defenses, pull on armor, and grab items. The government might be about to hit, but they will not go down without a fight.

Techno grips his axe tightly, glaring into the woods. Soon the foes would taste his wrath, soon the power hungry fools would lie broken before him, soon those who hurt his family would pay. The voices murmur softly in agreement.

['BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" *the voices said softly*]

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The agents push Dipper, Pacifica, and Mabel into the car before a call comes in over the radio.

"Mayday, mayday! Requesting back up! The commune is heavily defended! I repeat, commune is heavily def-argh!"

Agent Powers begins yelling into the radio. "Agent? Agent! Are you there!?" The radio only returns static and the faint sound of screams. "Shit." Powers swears to himself before giving out orders. "Alright, Alpha, Charlie, and Juliet squads go reinforce the attack on the commune. Send in the choppers. Trigger, get those kids somewhere safe until we dust off for their final destination. I'm taking Stanford to the central command location."

A chorus of yes sir's rings out in response as the aforementioned groups move to fulfill their new orders.

"Hey, where are you taking us anyway!?" Pacifica demands.

"We're taking you to somewhere you'll be safe." Triggers responds calmly, only the whiteness of his hands on the wheel betraying how tense he was. As the car leaves, Dipper notices a majority of the government agents start heading into the woods.

'Where are they even going? There's nothing over there except… oh no! Techno!' Dipper panics, reaching over to Mabel and tapping out a message in a secret code onto her shoulder. Mabel gasps and stares at Dipper in shock.

A helicopter flies over, and all three look at it. There is a strange black shape off the chopper's side that was pulled into the cabin before the trio loses sight of the helicopter.

"In the meantime, enjoy some mindless entertainment, designed to pacify you and make you stop asking questions." Trigger says, pushing a button and turning on a TV in the back of the car. The reality prank show Ker-Pranked'd begins playing. Dipper looks out the window, searching for a way out as Mabel and Pacifica are drawn into the show.

As she watches, Mabel notices something strange. A pixel figure enters from the side of the screen and begins forming words. She reaches over and hits Dipper to get his attention. The trio watches as the words, 'The agents plan on kidnapping you' appears in bold lettering. Dipper and Mabel trade concerned glances, with Pacifica catching the looks.

"What? Is messages not normal?" Pacifica asks. "I don't watch normal TV."

Dipper shakes his head. "We gotta get out of here." He says quietly.

"But Stan's arrested!" Mabel protests. "There's no way we can escape without Stan. Plus, I bet he could clear up any confusion!"

"But how do we prove he's innocent…?" Dipper asks rhetorically, idly looking around the interior of the car before his eyes catch on something. "Of course! The cameras! The security tapes will show if Stan is innocent."

"How are going to escape, though?" Pacifica asks.

"We'll wait for them to slip up." Dipper answers.

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Several figures move stealthily through the woods. They were mostly just their as backup in case the anarchists didn't want to come quietly, but who wouldn't want to trust the US government or Government in general? (This guy! If you want to know why, look up Ruby Ridge and Waco, as well a hell of a lot else. The feds are almost as trustworthy as a snake that wants to eat you, but promises it won't. Don't trust 'em)

[mf who the hell is dumb enough to blindly trust government? I'd eat them alive before I trusted em]

The lead squad walks out into the clearing the commune resides in and cautiously approaches the gate. After knocking and not receiving a response, they push the gate open and wave the other squads up. Four squads of five enter the compound, guns in hand and on high alert.

They look around for anything, but apart from some buildings and a lot of crows, nothing stands out. At least, until they reach the T-junction in the field of potatoes. As one, the crows rise into the air before circling the agents. Behind the agents, the gate slams closed and a horn is sounded.

The agents spread out as fast as they can as smoke begins to rise from the ground, blocking their vision. A scream splits the tense silence before quickly turning into a gurgling, choking cough. Gunfire erupts into the fog, as the agents attempt to hit something or at the very least dissuade whatever is out there from approaching.

More screams ring out, accompanied by an orchestra of ripping flesh and dripping blood. two sources of Vwoop's sound from everywhere and nowhere as a child swears loudly. Two agents watch through the smoke, horrified, as an ever changing figure rips other agents apart before one feels a sharp pain and looks down, revealing a trident, and the other's gun turns on him, controlled by the aim-stabilizing electronics.

The few remaining agents seem to hear whispering voices. The voices get clearer for one agent at a time, revealing a chant of "Blood for the blood god!" before the agent feels a slash and screams in agony. One agent manages to get on his radio as the voices grow louder, rising from a subtle whisper to a raging chorus.

"Mayday, mayday! Requesting back up! The commune is heavily defended! I repeat, commune is heavily def-argh!" The agent is cut in half, and his last sight is horrifying. A bloodstained giant with a boars head stands above him, ax in one hand and a sword in another. The giant crushes the agent's ear piece and throws it over his shoulder. The image would forever haunt the agent's dreams if he had not been granted the small mercy of death.

"The first wave is cleared." Techno announces, walking away from the fallen form of the final agent. "They managed to get a call out, so wave two will arrive soon."

"What's the plan big man?" Tommy asks, adrenaline making him all but jump in place.

"They're going to be coming in guns blazing, and they're expecting us to hole up. Tommy, you and Axolotl666 defend the nether portal. The rest of us are going to recreate Vietnam."

"Aw, what?!" Tommy demands. "I wanna fight! You saw how well I can fight!"

"Bruh~. I want to slow them down outside the house and I also don't want any government spooks discovering the Nether. They might discover Withers or potions." Techno explains.

[just imagine you're in a war and suddenly some random soldier builds a fuckin wither, i'd dip then and there treason or not lmao]

Tommy grumbles about it being bullshit, but walks into the house with Axolotl, the duo heading to the portal.

Techno begins assigning jobs to the remaining group. "Ranboo, stealth around them and drop smoke grenades." Ranboo steels himself, not wanting to kill, but wanting to protect his family. "Wilbur, set up land mines." Wilbur cackles maniacally. ".GIFfany, hack into their comms and mess things up." .GIFfany throws a mock salute before running into her Hackerman™ room in the underground bunker. "Proteus, you and I are going to… remove the agents from the equation." Proteus shifts into a gnome and begins transforming his hands into various weapons.

"Oh! Before we go!" Wilbur interjects. "I made some earpieces, so we can communicate in the field." Wilbur hands out the earpieces, and .GIFfany connects them to her system.

"Right, let's roll." Techno says brusquely, turning to leave the compound for the woods.

Wilbur clear his throat, drawing the groups attention.

"What?" Techno asks after a few seconds, once it has become apparent that Wilbur won't say what's on his mind.

"We're going off to war, right?" Wilbur asks.

"Yes?" Techno responds, questioning where Wilbur is going with this.

"And you are our general, right?"

"I mean, I guess?" Proteus and Ranboo watch from the side, using the minor distraction to avoid the stress of coming battle.

"Then don't you think you should give a speech?" Wilbur asks. The demolitions expert barely contains a smirk.

"Bruh~" Techno groans. "You know how I feel about public speaking."

"Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech." Wilbur starts chanting.

"Wilbur, shut up."

"Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech." Wilbur continues to chant.

"Fine!" Techno interrupts. "If we survive, I'll give a speech."

"Don't worry Techno," Wilbur reassures. "We aren't gonna die to some casuals like government agents. Hell, we're never gonna die, we're practically immortal." Techno stares blankly for a few seconds before walking into the woods. The rest of the group follows him, prepared for the coming violence.

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As a trio of helicopters approaches the commune, one pilot taps his copilot's shoulder.

"Hit the morale button, Lucas."

Lucas grins and punches a jury-rigged button labeled, 'Morale'. In the chopper's cabin, the intercom crackles on. The agents look up, waiting for orders, as sound begins to play through the speakers. Drums begin to beat a rhythm before a guitar adds a two note twang. The agents chuckle as the song reaches its lyrics.

"Some folks are born made to wave the flag,

Ooh, they're red, white and blue."

One of the agents reaches down into the side of the helicopter before pulling an aux cord from the wall. "This is why I love this pilot." She states, plugging the cord into a port marked, 'democracy'. The speakers attached to the sides of the chopper begins to blare Fortunate Son, causing the other chopper pilots to sigh, and the riding agents to start laughing before singing along.

On the ground, the agents who have to push through the forest groan as Fortunate Son slowly gets more distant.

"Hey sarge?" One of the agents asks his commanding officer. "Why don't we get music?"

"Because this is supposed to be a stealth op." The sergeant responds in a tired tone.

"But don't they know we're coming?"

"Yes. They don't know where, though."

"I dunno sarge, there's really only one approach up to this compound." Another agent adds.

"Can it: we're approaching the target."

The agents check their weapons, safeties switching off, when an explosion rips through the air. The agents look up to see one of the choppers spinning out of control, directly into a second helicopter. The agents duck for cover from the debris before rushing to the down aircraft to search for survivors. The helicopter playing Fortunate Son circles the position.

"Gov actual, this is Gov 3, we have a double bird accident. I repeat, two birds down due to mechanical failure." The pilot calls in. The only response is the crackling of static. "Shit. Radio's out again."

[ya def totally, 'mechanical failure']

"Really?" The copilot sighs. "I swear, we run through more radios than-" The copilot is interrupted by a call from the ground.

"Gov 3, you guys able to radio into command? We can't punch through this foliage for some reason."

The pilot and copilot trade looks. "Negative. I don't think it's the foliage… did you throw smoke grenades?" The pilot asks, watching as clouds of smoke appear haphazardly in the woods below him.

"What? No." The ground agent responds.

"Shit." The copilot swears before turning on his radio. "Be advised, probable contacts approaching from your six." The helicopter continues circling, ready to provide weapons support when the speakers glitch out and start playing a different song.

"Oh woe to thee, ye people of order,

I hope your homes continue to smolder,

And that you never rise again,

And leave me be and leave my friends."

[you know they fucked as hell when the boss music starts playing]

"What is tha-?" is the pilot's last words before the engines cut and the bird plummets.

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.

On the ground, the agents scramble to set up defensive positions and pull survivors from the burning helicopter wrecks. Only a handful survived the crash landing and subsequent fires, but the injuries are relatively minor. The agents intel suggests that there are at least eight individuals at the compound, but with the air support destroyed and comms being jammed, the agents decide to hole up and wait for reinforcements.

More and more smoke fills the woods, cutting down on visibility. Even as the agents pile up scrap metal and dig foxholes, they keep a wary eye on the surrounding forest. The tension rises for every second where nothing happens.

It starts quietly, a faint whisper that causes those who hear it to slow their movements. The voices slowly grow louder and clearer, promises of death, violence, blood, and, for some reason, potatoes. The tension mounts as what sounds like hundreds of thousands of voices call from the fog. The tension reaches a crescendo- Snap!

A branch cracks, and the area is immediately lit up with gunfire. No other noises follow, meaning nothing was there, or all the agents missed. Crack!

Another branch, and more gunfire. Still no thump of a falling body. Two agents volunteer to investigate the noises. They step into the fog, and the moment they are gone from the firing line's sight, a sudden rush of footsteps is followed by panicked screams. Several members of the gun line make ready to leave their cover.

"Hold!" The captain orders as the screams turn from fear to terror to pain, and finally into death rattles. The agents level their guns at the wall of fog in which two of their own disappeared. Someone rushes from the forest, screaming for help as he runs. The agents aim towards the noise, and are relieved when one of the agents emerges from the fog at a dead sprint.

"What happened?" The captain asks, leaning down next to the agent and inspecting his body. There are several lacerations, and what appears to be a hoof print on his face.

"It was a-a… I don't know! Pigman thing! He moved so fast! He dodged my shots!" The agent panics. The captain notices the nearby agents starting to panic.

"You'll be okay." The captain assures, resting a hand reassuring on the agent's shoulder. "We've got enough guns that, through sheer volume of fire, nothing can get through." A boar's grunt echoes, effectively cutting through the hushed conversations, followed by the sound of something large approaching rapidly.

The agent who escaped begins to shake uncontrollably, and the captain pulls him off the line. The captain turns back to the smoke and pulls his pistol, aiming towards the noise. Unfortunately for the captain and the other agents, they don't notice an evil smile begin to creep its way across the escaped agents face.

In the woods, hidden by the smoke, two bodies cool. Both corpses belong to the agents.

.

.

Techno and Proteus rip through the smoke and gunfire like forces of nature. Despite the agents' best efforts, they can barely slow down the duo. Voices roar in the agents' ears as the ground explodes around them.

Techno leaps into a group of five agents right before he gets a call through his comm.

"Hey, Techno, got a minute?" .GIFfany asks.

"Sure." Techno responds casually, dodging a bullet.

"I found d- your dad."

"You found him?!" Techno asks, punching a man's head clean off and causing another agent to need a change of pants. "Is he safe?!"

"He's at the police station. He's safe for now, but they plan in transferring him and two others to a separate location for experimentation."

"Where?" Techno demands, cutting an agent cleanly in half.

"Some black site called A51, I can't find any more information on the network." .GIFfany explains before pausing slightly. "But, Techno, the other two are the Pines twins."

"What?" growls Techno, accidentally crushing an agent's neck.

"I've warned the kids, but we need to send someone to go help them." .GIFfany says.

"I'm busy. Ranboo's busy. Proteus is busy. You're busy. Tommy and Axolotl… no." Techno thinks out loud, deflecting a series of bullets to the side before hitting one back into the agent. "The only one I can spare is Wilbur."

"Understood." .GIFfany answers. "I'll go tell him where to go."

Techno grunts affirmingly before turning to the final agent of the group. The agent is on the floor, terrified, and notices Techno's attention. The agent screams, tossing his gun to the ground and raising his hands in surrender. He flinches as Techno steps closer, clenching his eyes shut to avoid watching death approach, when he feels something removed from his belt. With his eyes still closed, the agent feels his arms and legs be bound by handcuffs. The agent opens his eyes cautiously, peering between his eyelids, only to be met with the blank stare of Technoblade.

"You stay here. If you move, I will kill you." Techno says like he's commenting on the weather. The agent frantically nods his head before Techno drops him to the ground and resumes his killing spree.

.

.

The car pulls up to an old schoolhouse, and Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica are escorted inside by trigger and four agents. Despite looking for any chances, the agents kept their guards up and the kids don't have the chance to make a break for it. While there are several windows, they are all locked; meaning the only entrance or exit is the main one. After the kids are inside, Trigger locks the old, wooden door and reports to command. Dipper, Mable, and Pacifica press their ears against the wooden door, straining to hear the outside.

Agent Trigger begins speaking into his walkie talkie. "Kids are secured in the old schoolhouse." Whoever was on the other end answers, but it is inaudible through the door. "Are you sure we need to send those Pines kids to A-51 for experimentation? I think they would have used any powers they had when we were arresting their uncle."

Dipper and Mabel gasp, trading horrified looks. Pacifica reaches out and grabs Dipper, making sure he's still there.

"Bro, wh-" Mabel whispers before Dipper hushes her so that he can hear what the agent is saying.

"I- yes, I understand. And if the Northwest kid asks about them? I see, the Pines twins were put into witness protection program." Trigger turns off his radio before sighing. "Goddamnit, why does this damned job pay so well?"

Trigger gets into his car and drives off to the police station, leaving the kids to be guarded by four agents outside the building.

The kids are frozen, pressed against the door before they pull back and just stare at each other. Mabel is the first to speak.

"They're gonna kidnap us?" Mabel asks, grabbing Dipper.

"Well, technically, because it's the government, it isn't kidnapping…" Dipper starts to explain before Mabel's look cuts him off. "Shutting up."

"Well, okay, it's okay." Mabel says, starting to panic. "We're fine, we'll be fine. We just… have to rescue Stan! Yeah, he's been on the run from the law for most of his life, if anyone can keep us safe, it'd be him!"

"But, Mabel, what if those agents are right about him being a master criminal?" Dipper interrupts.

"You mean like how they think we have super powers?" Mabel asks rhetorically.

"Fair point." Dipper nods. "Alright, so… we gotta prove Grunkle Stan's innocence without being seen, and then get in contact with Grunkle Stan without the cops finding us. We- uh, we'll go find the security tapes, and mail them in. We can hide in the woods for a few weeks."

"Yeah. Yeah!" Mabel cheers, happy to have a plan before sobering. "Oh no, we won't be able to see mom and dad. The coppers will have tails on them in case we ever try and go home." Dipper looks at the ground sadly as the twins seek each other for safety. The two hug for a few seconds, doing the pats.

Dipper turns to Pacifica. "Are you coming with? It'll be really dangerous if you do. You'll have to spend your entire life on the run, and if you ever get captured, you'll probably be interrogated."

Pacifica looks at him strangely. "Are you kidding? I just got this home, and I'm not giving it up without a fight. Besides, the government would just send me back to my father." Pacifica smiles awkwardly, and the Pines pull her into the hug.

The three use each other to ground themselves in reality before they execute their plan. "Now, how do we get out?" Mabel asks aloud. "Hmm… that old-timey school bell still has a rope… That's it! We can crawl up it, and then jump down off the roof!"

"Or," Dipper interjects. "we could go through the front door, since I do have that president's key from Trembley."

Mabel pouts a little at her idea not being used. "We still gotta get by the agent guys."

Outside the schoolhouse, the sound of shouts is shortly followed by the sound of collapsing bodies. The kids shoot each other looks before rushing to one of the windows overlooking the outside. The agents are collapsed on the ground, and standing above them is a man in a brown trench coat.

"Is that… Wilbur?" Mabel whispers.

"Yeah, I think so." Dipper answers. "Even if he's not, he isn't an ally to the government." The trio walks over to the door and Dipper unlocks it. The three open the door to see Wilbur looking at them.

"Oh, there you are." Wilbur greets. "I assume you are already aware that the government is gunning for your heads?" Dipper nods. "Good. I gotta go save Phil, but if you make your way up to the compound, Techno will keep you safe. You might have to sneak past patrols though."

"We'll be fine." Dipper states confidently.

"Well, you kids stay safe!" Wilbur wishes them luck, walking towards town.

"Let's go." Dipper says, leading the girls into the woods towards the Mystery Shack.

.

.

Outside the shack, four agents stand guard, a majority of their force being diverted into the woods. Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica hide in the bushes, watching the agents.

"Alright, here's the plan. I'll take out those two guard guys, you karate chop the other dude in the neck and then we'll back flip through the front door!" Mabel explains her brilliant plan.

"Mabel, aren't you forgetting the simpler solution?" Dipper asks.

"Oh, right." Mabel says, mentally face palming. Pacifica looks at them in confusion.

.

.

A cable flies across the area between the woods and the attic window in the Mystery Shack. An agent may have noticed the strange rope, but the two on that side of the house were too distracted by a fancy rock.

"So is it a rock, or is it a face?" The first agent asks his companion.

"I think, it's... a metaphor." The other agent answers.

"Ah, that makes sense." The first agent agrees.

"Of course it does: I'm a psych major."

"Oh, really!?" The agent gasps before excitedly asking. "Where did you go to school?"

"East coast state at Honolulu."

"Cool!"

Above the agents, Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica use branches to zip line down the grappling hook line. The twins share matching faces of determination while Pacifica is silently screaming. Neither agent notices the trio, so the kids waltz into Stan's office unopposed.

Dipper locks the door behind him before the three spread out and begin looking through Stan's old man stuff. While Dipper investigates a bookshelf, Pacifica looks behind a painting. Mabel opens a trunk and takes one look at the contents before slamming it closed.

"Nope." She states, looking anywhere but the trunk.

"Why? What's in there?" Pacifica asks, walking over to investigate. Dipper's attention is grabbed by the movement, and he recognizes the trunk.

"I uh, I don't think you wanna open that chest, Pacifica." Dipper suggests from across the room.

"It can't be that bad." Pacifica says confidently, opening the trunk. What greets her is a collection of magazines, proudly touting their fully dressed women in a variety of fashions. Pacifica's face pales and turns a shade of green as she gently shuts the trunk.

Mabel sighs. "Where would Grunkle Stan hide the security tapes…" She trails off, surveying the room before her eyes catch on an exhibit that was always in Stan's room instead of making money. "Wait! The antelabbit!" The antelabbit was a mounted rabbit head with two antlers attached, one of which was broken.

"Don't you mean 'Jackalope?'" Dipper asks idly as he pulls on the books to see if there's a secret door.

"Pfft, that can't be right." Mabel scoffs as she fixes the antler. The moment the antler is put back in the correct position, a section of wall flips, revealing two old TV monitors and a VCR player.

""Yes!"" The twins cheer as Pacifica walks over beside them. A tape is halfway in the player.

"It's this week, this is it!" Mabel cheers, excited to prove her Grunkle's innocence, as she pushes the tape in. The tape begins playing, showing Soos wriggling on the ground while being cheered on by Mabel and Wendy. Dipper and Pacifica shoot concerned looks at Mabel. "Someone yelled "Wormy Dance." We had to! Fast-forward." Mabel shrugs.

The tape is fast-forwarded several hours, showing various customers and residents of the shack going about their lives. Dipper stops it before seven, and Stan is stocking the gift shop while humming a song.

"Ha! There it is! Stan restocking like he said! And the date shows it was last night! It's proof! He's innocent!" Dipper exclaims. Right as he finishes speaking, Stan walks out the front door. Dipper fast-forwards in short bursts, revealing no Stan. "Uh-oh." Dipper says in concern.

"Uh, maybe he's just going to the bathroom outdoors. The way nature intended!" Mabel says, trying to reassure her brother. And herself a little, but mostly her brother. Pacifica watches the twins, fears about being kicked out she had recently put to rest returning with a vengeance.

The tape is fast forwarded to five in the morning, where a figure in a hazmat suit wheels a barrel of radioactive waste into the shack. The trio gasps before leaning closer.

"Oh no, Stan, you didn't..." Dipper groans.

"Don't panic. That could be anyone in that suit!" Mabel reassures.

"Yeah! You can't tell who's under a hazmat suit." Pacifica agrees.

The hazmat clad individual drops the barrel on his foot before yelling. "Gah! Hot Belgian waffles! Wait, I'm alone. I can swear for real!" Stan takes a deep breath. "SON OF A-"

Dipper pauses the VCR as Mabel covers her ears. "That's him, alright." Dipper sighs. "What do we do now?"

"Um… um… we bust Stan outta jail! Yeah!" Mabel shouts. "We'll get him out, and then we'll travel the world! Besides, it's not like Grunkle Stan's living a nefarious double life."

"Uh… I wouldn't be so sure." Pacifica says awkwardly, pointing to a box under the TV. Inside the box is a bunch of fake I.D.'s and a few newspaper clippings.

"What? What is all this?" Mabel asks as she, Dipper, and Pacifica begin digging through the box. Mabel holds up one of the fake I.D.'s and reads it aloud to herself. "Stetson Pinefield?"

[ok, so openoffice gives the option to autocorrect what it thinks is misspelled and whatnot and one of the corrections for "Pinefield" was "minefield". Just imagine tho lmao"Stenson Minefield"!]

Pacifica reads another one. "Hal Forrester?"

Dipper reads a third. "Andrew '8-Ball' Alcatraz?" his voice goes from confused to annoyed. "These are fake I.D.'s. You wouldn't need these unless you were trying to hide your real identity!"

"But why would Stan do that?" Mabel asks.

Pacifica sees something in the box, and holds it up. It's a newspaper clipping, and her face loses all color when she reads it. She passes it to Mabel who passes it to Dipper.

"WHAT?!" Dipper exclaims. "Stan Pines Dead?"

Mabel reads from the article. "Foul play suspected in Pines' death. Fiery car crash, brakes cut... by who?!"

"Unnamed grifter at large?" Dipper reads from another newspaper. "Why would they call him unnamed? Unless Stan..."

"Isn't..." Mabel continues her brother's thought.

""Stan?!"" The twins gasp simultaneously.

"Stan Pines is dead?! Then who have we been living with? It doesn't make any sense!" Dipper thinks aloud, pacing back and forth.

"There has to be some explanation. Maybe we're getting Ker-Prank'd! Justin Kerprank is gonna jump up from behind one of these plants any minute now! ...Any minute, Justin." Mabel says, looking into a potted plant.

"I can't believe it. This whole summer I've been looking for answers and the biggest mystery was right under our nose." Dipper groans.

"M-maybe there's some other explanation?" Pacifica suggests cautiously.

"Yeah! I bet there's an explanation in this box!" Mabel declares, digging through the box. "What the... 'secret code to hideout?'" Mabel asks, holding up a piece of paper with the code A1 B C3 on it.

"Let me see that." Dipper says, grabbing the note with the code and comparing it to the journal. "... I've never seen a code like this."

"I have!" Mabel exclaims. "The vending machine!"

.

.

Stan shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He's been handcuffed to the chair since he was arrested, except for the time when he told Soos to guard the vending machine with his life, and the cuffs were really starting to chafe. Stan checks his watch, noting that he had a little less than a half hour until the countdown reaches zero.

Agent Powers enters the interrogation room, accompanied by two other agents.

"Alright, Pines. Playtime is over. Chopper's ready to dust off to Washington. I'll enjoy putting you away." Powers states.

"What? Um, can't we stick around for maybe one minute? Uh, one minute thirty seconds?" Stan tries nervously.

"We're not falling for your games, Pines. You've been running your whole life. Your time is finally up." Powers denies, walking around the table Stan was sitting at and starting to unlock the handcuffs.

Stan looks at a clock on the wall. "Bathroom break? Just give me... fifteen seconds!"

"Sorry, but you've got a flight to catch." Powers says, not feeling sorry at all.

"Oh, yeah? So do you." Stan fires back smugly as his watch begins to beep and gravity fails.

"Huh?" Powers gasps as he floats into the air. Stan kicks the table in front of him, creating a floating barricade and knocking the agents that accompanied Powers into the ceiling. Stan slams Powers into a wall, breaking the chair and causing the keys to float away.

Stan kicks of the wall, grabbing the keys and unlocking his handcuffs. "Hey! Dang it, get back here! Men, get him!" Powers orders as Stan uses the agents as platforms, grabbing one of the agent's wallets on his way.

"No! You won't get away with this!" Powers yells as he and the other agents collide into a mass of bodies. Stan slams the door closed behind him. At that moment, gravity returns to normal. Stan rushes outside and slides to a stop next to a taxi.

"Do you know where the Mystery Shack is?" Stan asks the driver.

"Uh, yeah?" The taxi driver responds in confusion.

"Okay. Here's a hundred bucks. Drive as far away from the Shack as possible, and don't stop when the cops start chasing you!" Stan shouts, offering the driver a stack of cash. The driver shrugs and grabs it, peeling away. Stan barely gets behind a wrecked car before Powers bursts through the police station's doors.

"He's getting away!" Powers yells, focusing on the taxi. "Obviously, follow that cab! I am not losing both prisoners!"

Stan is confused by the term prisoners, but because he has more pressing matters, he ignores it. Stan starts running to the shack. Behind him, he can hear a crack of a gunshot followed shortly by a scream, but presses on despite it.

.

.

Philza slowly wakes up. He blinks the sleep from his eyes, wondering where he is and why he can't rub his eyes, when he remembers. Phil takes in as much information about his surroundings as he can, but besides being in a dimly lit, subterranean room and his arms being suspended from the ceiling by chains, he can't see much.

"Ah good, you're awake." A voice cuts from the darkness.

"Who-?" Phil's voice cracks.

"Hmm, no, I think not. I will be the one asking the questions here." A figure emerges from the dark, an agent with a pair of rubber gloves and a blue doctors face mask. "But, if you need a name, you may call me Clay." Phil pulls on the chains, testing their strength. "None of that now." Clay says before pressing a button.

Electricity flows down through the chains and into Phil. Phil screams as the shock lasts for a few seconds before it stops, the button released by Clay.

"First, I must offer my congratulations." Clay starts in a falsely sincere tone. "From here, your life will consist of experiments regarding how to help humanity! Of course, you won't be alone. We have found a number of other beasts with the same type of skills as you."

Phil's heart sinks. 'Who did they find? Techno? Wilbur? Tommy? Ranboo?'

Clay takes a sadistic pleasure at Phil's horrified face. "That's right, freak. We found your little friends. It's such a shame that the twins won't return from summer, but, it is for the greater good. Before we go, however, you are going to tell me where any other mistakes of nature like you are hiding."

Phil's confusion at the mention of the Pines twins rapidly turns into fear of what that means. Clay notices, and continues to taunt the Avian.

"That's right. You'll be telling us, either the easy way, or the hard way." Despite Clay's mask, Phil can hear the sadistic smile adorning Clay's face. "So, where are the rest of you freaks?"

Phil refuses to answer.

Clay sighs. "Shame. Hard way it is then." Phil screams as more electricity runs through him.

.

.

Phil has no idea how long this cycle has repeated. He is asked a question, refuses to answer, and is then tortured. There are no clocks, and the only light is single, flickering bulb. At some point, Clay pulled a cart full of knives from the shadows.

"Since it seems you are resistant to electricity, we'll simply have to use… alternative tools." Clay says, idly inspecting his knives before selecting one and holding it up to the light. Just then, the light flickers out and doesn't turn back on. Clay sighs heavily and moves to go fix it. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted that yokel to fix the lights."

The sound of cut flesh sounds from the darkness, followed by a thump and a dripping. The lights flicker back on, and Phil strains his eyes against the darkness to see what was happening. A shape is barely discernible from the shadows, drawing closer.

With a clang, Phil's restraints are cut and he crumples. Before he can hit the ground, Phil is caught by a pair of arms.

"Oh, dad." Wilbur moans softly, holding a potion of regeneration up to Phil's lips. Phil lapped up the potion, his various electric burns healing.

"H-hey Wil." Phil coughs.

"C'mon, old man, let's get you home." Wilbur says gently.

"Fuck off, 'm not old." Phil protests, slurring his words slightly.

"Whatever you say, ancient being." Wilbur agrees. Phil rolls his eyes in response.

The two start walking towards the exit, Wilbur supporting Phil.

"Where…?" Phil trails off.

"We're underneath the police station." Wilbur answers.

"Oh. Ok."

Before the pair can get far, however, gravity fails. Wilbur tries to get a hold of the floor, bur his arms are trapped by Phil instinctively grabbing onto something solid, namely Wilbur. The two float through the air towards the stairs before gravity returns.

Fortunately, the levitation gave just enough time for the regeneration potion to kick in, so Phil was moving at a decent speed unaided. The two make it up the stairs and duck into a room as an agent runs past, screaming about how both prisoners escaped.

Phil sends a questioning gaze Wilbur's direction. Wilbur shakes his head and mouths "not here." Phil nods, and the duo exit the room. They leave the police station and can see a taxi being chased by a number of police vehicles.

"C'mon!" Wilbur shouts, dragging Phil towards the woods. "They're waiting for us!"

Phil freezes, staring at something in the distance.

"Phil? What's wrong?" Wilbur asks, concerned.

"Th-that's Stanford. But why is he in a gaudy suit?" Phil wonders aloud to himself as he watches a fleeing figure.

"Phil, you can worry about that later, we gotta get out of here before-". Click. Wilbur trails off, looking at the pistol pointing at Phil's head.

"And where," Clay asks coldly. "Do you think you are going?" Clay is using one hand to point the pistol at Phil's head, and the other to hold the bleeding gash in his side.

Wilbur moves toward Phil and Clay holds up a hand.

"Ah-ah-ah, if you approach, my finger might slip. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

Wilbur glares at the agent. "Fine. What do you want?"

"Hands where I can see them." Clay orders. "You are going to take a rope, and then tie this creature's wings together."

"He is not a creature." Wilbur snarls.

"Oh, you frighten me so!" Clay says sarcastically. "I might accidentally tense a finger!"

Wilbur grumbles. "Fuck. Fine! Alright! I've got rope inside my trench coat, I'm going to grab that nice and slowly, alright?"

"Go ahead." Clay says, gesturing for Wilbur to continue with his pistol.

Wilbur keeps his right hand away from his body as he uses his left to rummage around his trench coat. Clay watches the left hand for any signs of resistance, and thus misses the moment a gun appears in Wilbur's right hand. Wilbur pulls the trigger instantly, and Clay falls backwards with a hole between his eyes. A woman screams and faints in the background.

"Alright, I'm ready to go." Phil says softly.

"Nope, I gotta do something quick." Wilbur says, unzipping his fly and aiming the stream at the smoking corpse.

"That seems… a tad much." Phil comments.

"Nobody calls my dad a creature and gets away with it." Wilbur responds, zipping up his pants. "Let's get out of here."

[teabag? Nah, crop watering.]

.

.

Soos stands in front of the vending machine, ready to lay down his life for its protection. The handy man runs through a checklist verbally. "Alright Soos, remember the plan. Protect the machine, earn Stan's trust, legally get adopted by Stan, change name to Stan Junior."

"Soos?" Dipper asks as he, Pacifica, and Mabel round the corner.

"Ahh!" Soos screams in shock before recognizing the voice. "Oh, kids! Where have you been?"

"What are you doing here?" Dipper answers with a question.

"Stan gave me a mission to protect this machine! Ha! And I thought I loved snacks."

"Soos, listen. Something huge is going on here. If Stan is hiding some dangerous secret, we need to find out what it is! I need you to step aside." Dipper says, appealing to Soos's logic.

"Yeah, just let us through so we can prove this is all just a big misunderstanding." Mabel adds.

"Guys, I know this seems crazy, but I promised Stan I would guard this with my life." Soos responds.

Mabel looks at Dipper, who nods at her. Mabel sighs before walking up to Soos, filled with determination. "I'm sorry Soos." Mabel says, pulling a handful of glitter from her pocket and blowing it into Soos's face.

"Aah! Attack glitter! It's pretty, but it hurts!" Soos screams.

Dipper and Mabel jump the repair guy and wrestle him as best they can, while Pacifica slips around and begins messing with the vending machine.

"Aww, c'mon, I don't wanna fight you guys! This hurts me more than it hurts you!" Soos says as Dipper and Mabel beat him up. "Ah! Seriously, it hurts me way more that it hurts you!" At the same time, Pacifica finishes punching in the code.

The vending machine swings open, knocking all four back and sending a cloud of smoke billowing into the gift shop. Behind the vending machine is a lamp and a stairway leading down towards an ominous glow. All four make hushed noises of shock.

Soos leads the twins and Pacifica down the stairs, holding the lamp.

"It's like something from a video game." Soos says, holding up the lantern to inspect the walls.

"Or a dream." Mabel suggests.

"Or a nightmare." Dipper says seriously.

"Or a novel." Pacifica offers.

[Or a fanfic.]

(Shh)

The quartet reaches the bottom of the stairs, and enters an elevator. The elevator has one direction, down, so that's where they go.

.

.

Stan rushes through foliage towards the shack. He double checks his watch before muttering to himself. "I gotta be there when it happens!" a branch rips part of Stan's suit, causing him to scream in pain.

.

.

The elevator reaches its destination, revealing a lab underneath the shack. The occupants of the elevator gasp. Inside the lab, a mixture of old machines make noises and print out ream after ream of paper, holding information on something. Beyond the lab itself, an inverted triangle shines a bright blue light through a glass observation panel. Above the window, a clock counts down from twenty minutes.

"Guys, are we dreaming? Somebody pinch me." Mabel asks.

"This can't be real..." Dipper trails off.

"I don't understand. Why would Mr. Pines have all this?" Soos asks, confused and trying to find an answer anywhere.

"It's just like that bunker in the woods." Dipper observes.

"But what is it doing underneath the Mystery Shack?" Soos asks.

"Okay, okay, so he's got a huge gigantic lab. That doesn't mean anything bad! Everyone's got secrets!" Mabel reassures. She sees a picture of her and her brother on a desk, and picks it up. "It's still Stan, and he loves us. And we love him. Right?"

Dipper doesn't respond. He notices two books on the desk, both looking strikingly similar to his journal. "It can't be... it's impossible. The other two journals? All this time... all this time, Stan had them?! I can't believe it! Was anything he said to us real?!"Dipper kicks one of the machines, denting it. "Why would he have those journals?!"

"Maybe he's the author." Soos suggests.

"Or maybe he stole them from the author! Maybe the reason he has all those fake IDs is because he is a master criminal, and this machine is his master plan!" Dipper shouts before opening all three journals to the blueprint page and shining a black light on it.

The four read the freshly revealed passage as Dipper sucks in a breath.

"I was wrong the whole time. The machine was meant to create knowledge but it is too powerful. I was deceived, and now it is too late. The device, if fully operational, could tear our universe apart! It must not fall into the wrong hands. If the clock ever reaches zero, our universe is doomed!" Dipper reads, before the group looks at the ominous red timer.

"It's the final countdown! Just like they always sung about!" Soos panics, pointing to the clock as it counts down from fifteen minutes.

Dipper flips through the Journal frantically until he reaches a page titled 'manual override'. "The agents were right! We have to shut it down!" The four run towards the door into the room with the machine when a gravelly voice calls after them.

"Wait, Don't!"

"Mr. Pines?" Soos asks.

"Stan?" Dipper and Mabel repeat, shocked.

"Mr. Pines?" Pacifica asks.

"Don't turn off that machine!" Stan begs.

"And why should we trust you? After you stole radioactive waste? After you lied to us all summer? I don't even know who you are!" Dipper shouts, glaring at his grunkle.

"Look, I know this all seems nuts, but I need that machine to stay on! If you'd just let me explain-" Stan begins before being interrupted by Dipper.

"Explain what, why you hid the other journal's from us!? Why you lied to us all summer!? Why the government wants to experiment on us?!"

"Wait, what?" Stan asks in shock.

"The government wants to experiment on us, 'cause we're so awesome." Mabel explains.

"They think we have special powers of some sort." Dipper adds.

"Why those fu-" Stan cuts himself off, coughing into his fist awkwardly. "Ahem. In that case, we really gotta keep this portal on!"

"Portal?" Pacifica mouths to herself.

"And what about the warnings, huh? Dipper presses.

"The world wasn't destroyed the first time, It's going to be fine!" Stan shouts back before realizing what he said.

"What do you mean, first time?" Dipper questions.

Stan sighs. "Listen, kid, you aren't the only member of the Pines family with a twin."

"Wha?" Mabel asks as Dipper looks shocked. Pacifica doesn't know how to react to this information, and Soos is mentally fist-pumping. 'Dude, my theory might be right! Take that, Pathew Matrick!'

"What do you mean?" Dipper asks.

Stan sighs again. "Thirty years ago, my twin brother built this machine and disappeared into it." He explains, voice staring to break slightly. "I-I wasn't able to catch him before he entered, and the dumb machine broke itself before I could get him back. I've spent the past three decades trying to bring him back."

"Wait… is that why you were so shaken up by Wax Stan's death? Oh, Stan." Mabel says softly before diving at Stan to give him a hug.

Stan wipes some rain from his eyes. "Thanks kiddo."

"Aw, Mr. Pines!" Soos cries, running over to give his father figure a hug. Stan grunts as the air is forcefully ejected from his body.

"Wait, if your twin built the portal, then who wrote the journals?" Dipper asks, noticing a minor flaw in Stan's alibi.

"My brother." Stan says.

"Did your brother look like you?" Dipper asks.

"Yeesh kid, what is this, an interrogation?" Stan teases before answering. "Yeah, except for-"

"Don't trust him!" Dipper yells, running over to the emergency shutdown area and dragging Pacifica with him. "He's lying! If this brother even exists, he wouldn't have six fingers on the left hand!" Soos changes his body-smothering hug into a bone-crushing hold.

"What?! Dipper, I was saying, 'except for his hands, which both have six fingers!" Stan says, straining against Soos.

Dipper ignores him and moves to turn off the machine when he realizes he needs three people to turn the keys that will unlock the power button. "Mabel, get over here!" Dipper yells. "I need your help turning this machine off!"

"Mabel, please! Trust me on this!" Stan begs.

Mabel looks at her great uncle, and her eyes soften. "I don't know Dipper, I kinda think we should leave the machine on." Mabel answers her brother.

"What! Are you crazy!" Dipper screeches.

"I know Grunkle Stan lies, like a lot, but this doesn't feel like one of the times he's lying."

"Mabel, do you really expect me to trust him?! He might not even be our real grunkle!"

"Can't you trust me?" Mabel asks, looking into her brother's eyes. Dipper turns to the emergency shutdown keys and Pacifica.

"On three." He tells Pacifica. "One, two, three!" they turn the keys, Dipper turning two, and button pops up on a lever in the center of the room. "Go!" Dipper yells as he and Pacifica run towards the button. Before Dipper can get far, his running is interrupted by an ICBM, that being an Intercontinental Ballistic Mabel.

"Flying tackle!" Mabel screams, diving onto her brother and knocking him to the ground.

"Ow! What the heck, Mabel?!" Dipper groans from under his sister. Pacifica keeps running towards the button.

"I'm keeping you from making a big mistake!" The two roll on the ground, Mabel trying to keep Dipper stuck and Dipper trying to escape, until Dipper manages to tickle Mabel "Ah! Haha! No! Dipper, tickling isn't fair!" Mabel complains out of breath.

'I gotta stop this machine. I don't care how bad life will be once the government gets to us, we can't let the world be destroyed! All those fantasy books I read have the heroes risk their lives for the greater good, I guess this is just my time.' Dipper thinks to himself as he runs towards the button. Dipper is so stuck in his own mind; he doesn't notice a piece of the ceiling, weakened by the continuous gravitational anomalies, give way and collapse.

Mabel, however, does notice the chunk of rock falling towards her brother. "DIPPER!" she yells frantically, jumping to her feet and chasing her brother. Dipper ignores her, and focuses on running. Stan and Soos watch in horror as the chunk of ceiling lands directly on Dipper. "DIPPER! NO!" Mabel screams, clawing wildly at the piece of ceiling.

"Soos, let me go! I need to save my nephew!" Stan screams. Soos loosens his arms, and both men run to the rock. Stan gets a grip on one side and Soos lifts next to him. "Three, two, one, LIFT!" Stan yells as he and his handy man lift the rock. The rock slowly tilts up as Stan and Soos strain against it.

"DIPPER!" Mabel wails into the gap between floor and ceiling. "DIPPER!"

A strained cough answers her. "MABEL!" Dipper yells back, his voice weak.

"ARE YOU OKAY?!" Mabel screams.

"I'm a little banged up, but nothing serious." Dipper answers.

"How? Stan questions, panting. "That rock fell straight down."

"There was a divot." Dipper answers. "I fell into it right before the rock hit."

With newfound strength, Stan and Soos heave the rock, flipping it over and revealing Dipper. While the boy has a few cut marks and is covered in dirt, nothing has been crushed. The moment the rock is pushed away, Stan leaps at the boy and pulls him into a tight hug.

"Don't ever do that again, understand?" Stan orders Dipper wetly. Dipper just nods his head. Mabel jumps into the hug a few seconds later, crying heavily. Soos looks on happily; glad his little dudes are still alive. Pacifica stands awkwardly by the shutdown button, uncertain if she's still supposed to press the button.

Stan's watch beeps, and the countdown reads thirty-nine seconds. "Oh no, brace yourselves!" Stan warns, holding onto Dipper and Mabel firmly. Gravity looses effect, and everyone floats upward. Pacifica's foot is caught by a wire leading to the button, and she calls out to Dipper.

"Pacifica!" Dipper calls back from within his grunkle's arms. "Press the button!" Pacifica starts pulling herself down the wire towards the button.

"What, no! Don't press the button!" Stan yells, throwing the twins behind him and sending himself forward towards the button. Soos jumps off a wall and collides with Stan, knocking the old man off course.

"Soos, what're you doing?!" Stan yells, hitting Soos on the head.

"Sorry, Mr. Pines - if that is your real name - but I have a new mission now! Protecting these kids!"

"Soos, you idiot, let me go!" Stan yells.

"Yeah, Soos! I trust Stan!" Mabel agrees.

"Go! Pacifica, press the red button! Shut it down!" Dipper shouts.

"No, you can't!" Stan cries, shoving Dipper off. "You gotta trust me!"

"I-I don't know who to trust!" Pacifica wails.

"Trust me, kid!" Stan begs.

"Don't trust him! Press that button!" Dipper orders.

"Do trust him!" Mabel yells.

"I don't really have an opinion, I just want to keep you kids safe!" Soos shouts. Dipper shoots him a questioning look, and Soos shrugs. "What? Everyone else was shouting their opinions."

The portal activates further, forcing everyone except Pacifica against the back wall. Pacifica is the only one who can reach the button in the remaining time, and her mind is working at a mile a minute to make her choice. 'I shouldn't risk it. I should just shut the portal down. That's what Dipper believes, and it's a woman's purpose to agree. But, I don't think Mr. Pines is a bad person. He wouldn't endanger those he cares about, like the twins or Soos. He even dropped everything to help Dipper, when he could have just ignored Dipper in order to achieve his goals. Mabel thinks Mr. Pines is trustworthy, and he took me in. He seems somewhat noble: There's no way my dad would risk his life for me, and Mr. Pines would absolutely risk his life for the kids… But if I don't obey his wishes, Dipper might get kick me out of the house! But if Mr. Pines is telling the truth, I'll be kicked out anyways. Who do I trust, Dipper or Mabel? Logic or People?' Pacifica makes a decision.

"Mr. Pines…" Pacifca says, holding her hand over the button as an automated voice counts down from six. "I trust you." Pacifica releases the wire, and floats up.

"Pacifica, are you crazy! We're all gonna-" Dipper is interrupted by a bright white light originating from the portal. At once, every living thing in the room can feel every single molecule that makes up their body. The experience is fleeting, but the shock causes time to stretch.

Gravity returns, causing damage to everywhere in town, and knocking the portal from its mounts. The portal is a swirling blue, and two shadows approach. The pair step through, revealing both are wearing dark grey clothes that hide much of their body. One of the figures is taller, with grey hair. The other is shorter, with brown hair and what appear to be two small horns on his head. Behind the pair, the portal dissipates.

The taller figure walks up to journal 1, which had been knocked around by the gravity anomalies, and rests his six-fingered hand on the cover. He picks it up, and tucks it into a pocket in his trench coat. Mabel, Dipper, Pacifica, Soos, and Stan stand next to each other, looking at the figures.

"What?" Dipper breathes. "Wait, you were telling the truth Stan?" Stan nods. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Stan, I should have trusted you." Dipper apologizes fervently.

"Eh, don't worry kiddo; I wouldn't have believed me either." Stan waves off the apology.

"Is this the part where one of us faints?" Mabel asks as the taller figure pulls of his head coverings and revealing a face that matches Stan's.

"Ohoho, I am so on it, dude." Soos says, falling backwards.

.

.

Wilbur and Phil make it back to the compound with minimal issues, and join the others in the bunker.

"Phil!" Tommy screams, jumping on the Avian and giving him a hug.

"Oof, hey Tommy." Phil groans. Techno walks by and nods before heading to .GIFfany.

"Any updates on pursuers?" Techno asks.

"No, they seem to be searching for Stanford Pines. I'm working to delete as much of their info as I can, while not making it obvious." .GIFfany answers, not bothering to look up from her computer. Techno grunts affirmatively before going to the prison.

Proteus is guarding the cell, and the sole occupant is the agent that surrendered.

"Is he secured?" Techno questions, gesturing to the agent.

"Yes." Proteus nods.

"Alright. Everyone except .GIFfany is coming to a post-combat meeting."

Proteus nods again. "I shall see you there."

Techno leaves the prison, heading to find Ranboo. Techno checks the dining hall and library before hearing voices in the bunk room. Techno slows as he approaches the room, listening to the conversation between Ranboo and Axolotl666.

"-You doing alright?" Ranboo asks Axolotl.

Axolotl shifts. "I feel like I'm the one who should be asking you that."

"Don't worry about me. I'm older, and have defenses against trauma." Ranboo responds reassuringly.

There is a pause. "Forgetting trauma doesn't count as a defense." Axolotl retorts. Ranboo sputters half-formed protests before surrendering.

"Fine, fine. But seriously, are you okay?" Ranboo asks again, concerned.

"I-yeah, I guess." Axolotl sighs, pausing for a few seconds before continuing. "It's just- I killed a few agents, and I haven't had to fight for a while. I know it was self-defense, and I know it was to defend my family, it's just- I don't know, I just feel like I shouldn't be feeling like this. It's not like I was on the actual front lines, and I don't see Technoblade or Proteus acting like this."

"Well, Techno's not exactly known for having normal emotions, what with the voices and all. As for Proteus, well, you know what his youth was like. He has no wish to be kept in a cage ever again. Everyone handles emotions in a different way, and your feelings are valid and you should feel what you need to feel."

There's another lull in conversation, and Axolotl clears their throat. "Thanks Da-dude."

Techno decides now is a good time to round the corner, so he does and clears his throat. Both Ranboo and Axolotl jump, and proceed to pretend like they weren't debating going for a hug.

"Hey Techno." Ranboo greets. "What's uh, What's up?"

"Debriefing." Techno responds shortly. "You two are the last."

"Alright." Ranboo says before turning to Axolotl. "Are you okay to go?" He asks. Axolotl nods. Techno leads the way, and ponders why the voices aren't there, teasing Ranboo about being a Phil.

.

.

In the SBI bunker, there is a meeting room. The centerpiece is a circular table with built-in holographic displays. Around the table is an assortment of gamer chairs, one for each member. On the outer walls, snacks and drinks are kept in semi-organized piles. It is one of Techno's favorite rooms, especially because a vast majority of the drinks contain an ungodly amount of caffeine.

Techno rings a bell to start the meeting. "Alright, debriefing. Anyone learn anything pressing during today's events?" Tommy raises a hand. "And no, Tommy, learning 'Techno's a bitch 'cause he won't let me fight.' Is not something pressing." Tommy slowly lowers his hand.

Wilbur stands up. "Yeah, the government is aware of enhanced individuals in the area, and also employs assholes."

Techno nods. "The only new piece of information is the government knowing enhanced individuals are out here. Anything else?" Techno looks around, only receiving blank stares. "Alright, let's recap then."

The holo-table turns on, displaying a map of the area. "Early today, Phil went to visit an old friend and was captured en route. Said friend was also arrested. The government sent agents to capture the compound, but we fought them off. No casualties on our side: they took a large amount of casualties, and we took one prisoner."

Phil looks at Techno in surprise.

"What?" Techno asks.

"Nothing." Phil says.

Techno looks at Phil strangely before continuing the meeting. "We gained intel that the agents are gunning for the Pines twins, who we will be protecting, and rescued both them and Phil. However, since someone wasn't briefed on it, the twins are currently missing."

Wilbur motions for attention. "I'm pretty sure they headed to the shack to try and prove Stanford Pines' innocence."

"What, Stanford? What crime was he wanted for?" Phil asks.

"Uh, let's see…" Wilbur trails off, pulling up a list that .GIFfany discovered when she was going through files. "Theft of government property, breaking and entering, few other minor things they really only tacked on to look good, nothing too bad."

"That doesn't sound like Stanford." Phil says to himself.

"From here, we need to secure the children and Mr. Pines, and possibly Soos and Wendy, employees at the Mystery Shack. We also need to obfuscate as much information as possible, and prepare to evacuate."

"When you say evacuate…" Tommy trails off.

"I mean take as much of our supplies as possible, destroy evidence of, at the very least, the bunker and some of the topside constructions. We'll journey through the Nether until we reach somewhere decently unpopulated and set up there." Techno clarifies, looking around the table.

Somber nods greet him. While nobody wants to leave this home they have made, they know that they can't stay. At least, not while The US government is still in charge.

"Well, if that's everything, let's get packed-" Techno says, starting to stand before a pop-up appears on the holo-table. The pop-up belongs to .GIFfany, and her mike is connected to it.

"Brace yourselves, gravitational anomaly is about to hit." Techno slides back into his into his seat as the others in the meetings pull seat belts over their laps. Gravity disappears, but the chairs are magnetic and are stuck to the ground.

Suddenly, Techno grabs his head. His headache, which had been a mild pain all today, rages like the sun. Gravity resumes, and Techno flails out his chair, trying to escape the pain. A few seconds later, he goes limp.

"Techno?" Tommy asks cautiously. The Piglin's body slowly raises from where it had collapsed, but it wasn't moving correctly. It looked as if a hundred thousand forces were pulling the limbs in a hundred thousand ways, resulting in stiff, unnatural movements. Tommy met Techno's eyes, and with a sinking feeling, he realizes his brother isn't there.

.

.

"Finally! After all these long years of waiting, you're actually here! Brother!" Stan says joyfully, walking to his brother with arms spread wide. Stan's brother decks him with a single move.

"Oh! Ow! What the heck was that for?!" Stan demands.

"This was an insanely risky move: restarting the portal! Didn't you read my warnings?!" Stan's brother growls.

Stan brushes off his brother's worries. "Warnings, schmarnings. How's about maybe a thanks for saving you from what appears to be, I don't know, some kind of sci-fi sideburn dimension?"

"Thank you? You really think I'm gonna thank you after what you DID THIRTY YEARS AGO?!" Stan's brother demands furiously.

"What I did? Why, you ungrateful..." Stan grumbles, swinging at his brother. Stan's brother dodges, and grabs Stan's arm. "Don't expect me to me to go easy on you just because you're family!" Stan says, trying to sound cool but failing miserably as he has his ass handed to him. Stan's brother flips Stan onto his back, causing Stan to yelp.

"Hey, get off my grunkle, you big… big… big meanie!" Mabel yells before charging at Stan's brother.

Stan's brother catches her easily, using a single hand on her head to keep her at bay.

"Stan, you didn't tell me there were children down here." Stan's brother says, shocked out of his annoyance at his brother. "And… some sort of large, hairless gopher?" He asks, looking at Soos.

"Heh heh. I get that a lot." Soos chuckles.

"Those two are your family, Pointdexter. Shermie's grandkids." Stan explains, gesturing to the twins. "That one is my most loyal employee," Stan motions to Soos, who has stars appear in his eyes at the praise. "And her folks kicked her out of the house, so I took her in."

Stan's brother's eyes soften almost imperceptibly at Stan's last introduction. "I-I have a niece and nephew?" He asks, walking up to Mabel and shaking her hand. "Greetings. Do kids still say greetings? I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time."

Mabel looks at his hand in amazement. "Whoa, a six-fingered handshake? It's a full finger friendlier than normal!"

Stan's brother chuckles. "I like this kid. She's weird."

"I-I can't believe it. You're the author of the journals!" Dipper breathes.

"You've read my journals?" Stan's brother asks.

"I haven't just read them; I've lived them!" Dipper exclaims, beginning to pace. "I've been waiting for so long to meet you, I-I don't know what to say I have so many questions- I-" Dipper's breathing begins to speed up, and Pacifica comes over to pat him on the back. "Oooooohhh I think I'm gonna throw up. Hmmpf! No-no, false alarm. Hmmpf! Just gotta ride it out!"

"Listen, there'll be time for introductions later. But first, tell me, Stan: are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?" Stan's brother asks seriously.

"Well, that's the thing…" Stan trails off.

Stan's brother sighs. "How bad is it?"

"Nothing too bad." Stan is quick to reassure his brother. "Just, uh, just the entire United States government, maybe.

"WHAT!?" Stan's brother demands.

"Look, that's not important right now." Stan says before his brother can imitate a teapot. "Listen, the kids-"

Stan's brother interrupts him. "Not Important? NOT IMPORTANT!? It's bad enough you messed with this machine, the last thing we need is a government agency messing with things they don't understand and destroying the world!"

The shorter figure who accompanied Stan's brother walks awkwardly up beside the twins, Pacifica, and Soos as they watch the argument.

"So… uh… you're Mr. Pines' family?" The figure asks, removing his facial coverings and revealing a set of nasty scars. The figure looks to be a teenager, not yet an adult, but his eyes hold a look far older than they should.

Dipper nods in greeting as he and Mabel watch the argument. Pacifica stands slightly behind Dipper, subconsciously keeping him between her and the old men's raised voices. Soos raises a hand in greeting and posits a poignant question.

"Sup, dawg?"

The teen shrugs. "The sky. Clouds. Birds'n'sh-stuff."

Soos chuckles before both his and the teen's attention are brought back to the argument.

"You listen to me! Those kids are in danger-" Stan protests.

"No, you listen to me! You turn on this machine, ignore my warnings, get the government involved, and risk your family's lives!" Stan's brother yells.

"I DID IT TO SAVE YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL PRICK!" Stan roars. "LIKE HELL I WAS GOING TO LET YOU GO AFTER I SEE YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A DECADE!" Stan breathes, before continuing in a calmer tone. "I watched as you fell into that portal, Ford, I saw the terror in your eyes. I may not have done much right in my life, but I'll be damned before I let anything happen to my brother. And if that means I have to lead a double life, I have to learn how to do advanced math, then so be it."

"Wait, you learned how to do advanced math?" Stan's brother asks, shocked.

[He learned advanced math?! honestly I don't think it's said in canon but that'd be an interesting little detail to just be jut randomly mentioned.]

Stan looks unimpressed with his brother's shock. "I know I'm not as smart as you, but is it really that surprising? I had to learn the math to turn that dumb portal back on, sure it took me a few years, but I managed."

"No, you don't understand Stanley, B… I created that math. Quite literally, only two other people understand that math, and one of them quit the project and the other went missing."

"Huh." Stan says blankly, his brain processing.

"How on earth…?" Stan's brother trails off questioningly.

Stan shrugs. "Well, I had excellent motivation."

Stan's brother ponders this, but before he can ponder too ponderously, Mabel interrupts. "Hey, hold on, what do you mean, 'Stanley'?"

"Yeah, your name is Stanford." Dipper adds.

"Wait, you took my name?!" Stan's brother asks, annoyed.

"Well, how else was I supposed to pay your mortgage? Especially with your disappearance, the cops would have arrested me on suspicion of kidnapping, and might have found the portal." Stanley protests.

"I… suppose that makes sense." Stanford admits.

"Well, we should probably get outta here before the government agents show up again." Stanley says, walking towards the elevator.

"Wait, you have a plan for us to escape?" Dipper asks, being reminded of the government's plans for him and his sister.

"Of course I do. I may have lived a life of crime, but it taught me a couple lessons about being prepared when things go wrong. I got a camper van in town, under a fake name, packed full off stuff and ready to go. We just gotta get there before…" Stanley trails off, watching a security feed as agents arrive on the premises.

"Fan out! We're not going anywhere till we find Stan Pines and those kids!" Agent Powers can be heard ordering through the camera's speakers.

Stanford sighs. "Okay. It's all right. We've got a while before they find this room. We just need to lay low and think of a plan."

"Well, it looks like we're stuck down here for a while. Who wants to tell us their entire mysterious backstory?" Mabel suggests subtly.

"Alright, It's not like we can do much else." Stanley agrees before clearing his throat. "It all started a lifetime ago…"

The world wavers like a mirage, and resolves into an image of a small beach town, with a sign identifying it as the beautiful town of Glass Shard Beach.

"I lived with my ma and pa in the Lead Paint District in the family pawn shop." Stanley begins explaining. "Dad was a strict man. Tough as a cinderblock and not easily impressed. Ma was a pathological liar, which served her well as a phone psychic. And then there was my nerdy twin brother, Stanford. As if his abnormally high IQ wasn't enough, he also had a rare birth defect: six fingers on each hand. Which might have explained his obsession with sci-fi mystery weirdness."

"As for me, I had what mom liked to call personality." Stanley says, reminiscing on all the walls he ran into as a child. "But as different as we were, we were the perfect team. And every day we'd wander the beach, looking for adventure. One day, we found a wrecked old sailboat in a cave, and we made it ours. We pushed that old wreck out of the cave, and onto the beach, and spent every moment of free time working on fixin 'er up. We dubbed her the 'Stan'o'War', and planned to spend our lives hunting treasure, fighting monsters, and gettin' babes. We uh, we didn't have many friends, small town being afraid of anything out of the ordinary and all, but we had each other. And when push comes to shove, you really only need one."

"Ford's brains seemed to get more impressive every year. So did our pet project." Stanley reminisces sadly as his memories approach the end of high school. "Sure, I got in more than my fair share of trouble, but when your brother's the smartest kid in school, you've always got a leg up on the competition. The future was lookin' bright. For both of us. Till one day..."

"We were in class, and the office called us up. They only wanted to talk to Stanford, so I sat outside and listened in. Some fancy-schmancy college was interested in Ford's science fair project, and was coming to look at it. If he impressed the college board, he was getting an all expenses paid trip through college. And me? I was, quote, never going to amount to anything, unquote, and, quote, at least you'll still have one son in Jersey forever. I talked to Ford, and he said he'd give the college a chance, and if they didn't like it, he would join me on our dream. If they did, well, he'd be moving across the country"

"I… didn't react well to that." Stan admits, and Ford adopts a look of annoyance to mask his hurt. "I slammed my fist on the table his experiment. The machine started spitting out black smoke, and I panicked. I covered it wi-"

"Wait," Ford interrupts. "You slammed your fist on the table?"

"Yes." Stan says, bracing himself for an irate rant.

"That's not possible." Ford mutters.

"How's that?" Stan asks.

Ford shakes his head. "You shouldn't have been able to destroy it just by punching the table. I spent enough time with you to know how to reinforce my designs against sudden shocks."

"Wait, does that mean…?" Stan questions, hope that maybe he hadn't destroyed his brother's life appearing for the first time in years.

"It wasn't your fault my machine was broken?" Ford finishes Stan's thought. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Stan, I've blamed you for that for years!"

[Brotherly redemption?! hell yeah!]

(You know it. I couldn't just leave these two idiots arguing like this. Also, since the end is gonna be completely different, I don't need to make them fight. They still gonna argue, it just won't be as much.)

"Don't blame yourself, Pointdexter, you couldn't have known." Stan reassures.

"No, Stan, I should have." Ford denies. "Argh, I'm so stupid! Crampelter even taunted me afterwards! I thought he knew it was you, and was rubbing it in, but-"

"Shh." Stan shushes his brother. "Your emotions were running high, you weren't thinking straight. On an unrelated note, after this whole thing is over you wanna go visit an old friend?" Stan punches into his hand.

Ford snickers momentarily before regaining a stoic demeanor. "That would be agreeable. Any idea where he lives?"

Stan snorts. "Kid like him? Doubt he ever left Glass Shard. And even if he did, The Stan Bro's are back in action, baby! High six?"

"High six." The Stan bro's high five. They then stand next to each other awkwardly until Stan clears his throat.

"Anyways, let's see, where was I…" Stan says, resuming the story. "Oh yeah! Ford's machine broke, the West Coast losers took one look at it and left, and then Ford came home. We said some words, pa overheard, and I ended up getting kicked out of the house. I started looking for buried treasure before I struck a different type of treasure: marketing. I was scamming rubes left and right, traveled all over the country, was in jail a couple times, that was fun." Stan briefly glosses over his exploits, speaking with pride about his hijinks.

"Wait, the West Coast Tech people left after a single look?" Dipper clarifies, looking at Ford.

"Yes." Ford nods, not sure why the boy is asking.

"And your exhibit was obviously damaged?" Dipper asks further.

"Yes?" Ford answers.

"Then did those college recruiters just go to your school to make themselves look better?" Dipper suggests. "I think I remember there being some controversy a few years ago about that. There was this… Oklahoma? Guy who managed to find proof that the school was only accepting rich applicants."

Ford looks shocked at this information.

"Yeah, I remember that." Stan agrees. "There is a reason I was debating turning this place into a college." Ford is horribly offended by Stan's comment.

"What about you?" Mabel asks Ford. "Did you end up going to your dream school?"

"Not… exactly." Ford says. "I ended up in Backupsmore. Not exactly the most prestigious of universities, but they did have mostly bug free-dorms. In a place like that, I had to work tw-"

"Wait, hold on." Stan interrupts. "I know you're smarter than Backupsmore. Hell, we had letters from Ivy league schools offering a free ride. What happened?" Ford mutters something undistinguishable in response. "What?" Stan asks, cupping a hand to his ear.

"My grades dropped after you got kicked out." Ford responds, refusing to look at anyone. "I was a mess: couldn't focus in class, missed deadlines, didn't sleep." Stan nods sadly.

"Yeah, me too bro." Stan admits. At Ford's shocked look, Stan responds gruffly. "What? Just because I don't use them all that much doesn't mean I don't have emotions."

[I love this version of them ong fam, if you disagree then you'll be my dinner tonight.]

"Returning to the topic at hand," Ford clears his throat. "I had to work twice as hard. Luckily, that's what I do best. I went from undergrad to PhD three years ahead of schedule, wrote a thesis that was nationally ranked, and was awarded an enormous grant for my own scientific research! But what to study? My whole life, I'd been teased for my six fingers. But that got my thinking about anomalies: things that were odd, unusual, statistically improbable. And according to my investigations, there was one place with a higher concentration of these things than anywhere else. A small lumber town in Roadkill County, Oregon: Gravity Falls."

"I was heading out on my own." Ford continues. "I set to work using my grant money to investigate the strange properties of this town, but what would I find here? A giant arm that crushed my car. Bingo. I began to investigate at once. I knew I'd have to record my findings. I began to keep a journal-"

Ford is cut off by Dipper's fangirl scream. "THE JOURNALS!" Everyone turns to stare at Dipper. "Sorry, sorry," Dipper clears his throat. "just got excited there... About the journals... Keep-keep talking."

"I began to keep a journal-" Ford is once again interrupted by Dipper's shriek. "Just going to ignore that. There were anomalies everywhere. And the more I looked, the more I saw. It was finally a place where I felt at home, but something nagged at me: where did it all come from? It seemed to me the answer must come from outside of our world, a dimension of weirdness leaking into ours. I realized the only way to understand Gravity Falls would be to build a gateway: a portal to the source of its weirdness."

"But I couldn't make it alone. I decided to call up my old college buddy, Fiddleford McGucket, a young but brilliant mechanic, who was wasting his talent trying to make personal computers in some garage in Palo Alto. We recruited an additional member, a birdman who I found collapsed on my front lawn one day. Fiddleford and I nursed him back to health, and he joined us in our experiments. Many long nights were spent perfecting the machine. It would be a crowning achievement of my studies. An answer to the source of this town's anomalies."

"The time had come to test it. We released a dummy into the portal, but Fiddleford got caught in the rope we tied to the dummy. He went through the portal, and gave me some cryptic warning before quitting. I told him I didn't need him, or anyone for that matter, but then I started hearing whisperings. I was in over my head, and feared I was losing my sanity. I needed help. Someone I could trust. The birdman disappeared at some time close to this, so I was left with one option." Ford finishes his part of the story and Stan steps up.

"I get a call from my brother, asking for help. I go to help him, and he points a crossbow, screaming bout eyeballs!" Stan teases. "I agree to help him, and we go look at his portal. Ford hands me journal and tells me to go as far away as possible, and we," Stan sighs. "We fought. The portal turns on accidentally, and Ford gets sucked in. Right after, the dumb machine broke and I couldn't turn it back on. I lost him. I didn't know if he was dead or alive in some distant galaxy, but I knew his journal must have the answer to getting him back. Somehow. I didn't get much sleep that night. Or the night after that. I tried for weeks to turn that dumb machine back on. But without the other two journals it was hopeless. Finally I ran out of food. I had no choice but to go into town. I was out of money, but through a case of mistaken identity, They thought I was Ford. I accepted the role, and turned the nerd hut into the murder hut, later renamed the mystery shack. I had to pay off the mortgage somehow, and repairing an inter-dimensional portal isn't exactly cheap."

"I finally found something I was good at. For once being a liar and a cheat paid off. The old me was dead, and I faked a car crash to prove it. By day I was Stanford Pines: Mr. Mystery. But by night I was down in the basement, trying to bring the real Stanford back. I couldn't risk anyone learning the truth and sabotaging my mission, so I lied to everyone: the town, my family, your parents, even you kids."

"Aw, Stan!" Mabel cries, leaping forward and dragging Stan into a hug. Dipper follows close behind.

Ford clears his throat, drawing attention. "I spent the years hopping from dimension to dimension, hoping to find some way to defeat a powerful enemy. On my journey's, I encountered him." Ford gestures to the teen. "His home was destroyed by a similar being to my foe, so we joined forces. I would like to present my apprentice, Tubbo Underscore Beloved."

"Hi Tubbo!" Mabel cheers excitedly. "I'm Mabel, this is my brother Dipper, this is his girlfriend Pacifica, and this is the god among men named Soos." Mabel introduces her friends and family, pointing to each when appropriate.

"Aw, thanks girl dude." Soos says.

A voice echoes down from the ground floor. "I heard talking! It was coming from downstairs!"

"Oh no, it's too late, the agents are coming for us!" Dipper panics.

"What do we do?!" Mabel asks, shaking Stan back and forth.

"Aw, man. I was so spellbound by your dramatic tale I forgot all about those dudes." Soos groans. Stan, Ford, and Ford's companion trade looks as they subtly prepare weapons for one final fight.

"Wait, forget, that's it!" Dipper exclaims. "I think I know a way we might be able to defeat those agents!" Dipper digs through a bag and hands Ford a memory gun.

"Of course! I don't know how you got a hold of one of these but, this is perfect! If I can just amplify the signal to a radio headset frequency..." Ford says happily, connecting the gun to some wires. "There. Now everyone PLUG YOUR EARS! GET DOWN! NOW!" Everyone in the basement crouches and plugs their ears as a wave of noise washes over them.

.

.

"Sir! Looks like there's a hidden door behind the vending machine!" Agent Trigger reports to Agent Powers. A handful of agents prepare to breach into the basement, their number heavily depleted.

"Excellent! Get me Washington on Line 1! I've been practicing making sounds of excitement for this very occasion." Powers says "Hey, do you hear that?" a wave of noise washes over the agents, jumping through earpieces and causing a good number to fall over. "What? Where am I? Why am I standing in front of some sort of goofy fun knick-knack house?" Powers questions, his memory gone.

Ford steps out onto the exterior of the shack, acting like he was higher ranked than everyone else on the location. "Stand down, gentlemen! I've been sent with the latest intel from Washington." Ford holds up a stack of very real papers, that totally aren't just some of Mabel's drawings. "According to this very real report, the power surges in Gravity Falls were actually due to radiation from an unreported meteor shower. A total embarrassment for your whole department. Luckily I'm here to take this mess off your hands, but I'll need of all your... floppy disks, and 8-tracks...right?"

"Uh, everything about this case is contained on this drive." Powers says, rubbing at his head and handing Ford a thumb drive.

"Well, what are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek? Get out of here before I have your butts court-martialed!" Ford yells.

"Uhh, yes sir. Apologies, sir." Powers says before rounding everyone up and leaving. As soon as the last government vehicle is out of sight, Ford feeds Gompers the thumb drive.

"Great-uncle Stanford, that was amazing!" Mabel cheers as she, Dipper, and Pacifica run outside.

Ford chuckles. "Thank you, kids, but please, call me Ford."

"Sure! Thanks, Great-uncle Ford. So, uh," Dipper says through a major voice crack before pulling a pen from nowhere and starting to click it repeatedly. "would you mind if I ask you a couple billion questions about Gravity Falls?"

"Um, well I-uh..." Ford answers awkwardly.

"All right, kids, it's been a long day and me and my brother have a lot to talk about. So why don't you hit the hay, huh?" Stan interrupts.

"But, it's the author!" Dipper protests. "I've been waiting so long to ask questions about-"

"I said." Stan says, pushing the younger Pines Twins inside, with Pacifica following them. "Hit. The hay! Pacifica, you're doing a sleepover with the kids tonight, my brother is gonna sleep in your room tonight. I'll be up with bedding in a bit."

Pacifica nods, but Mabel jumps onto her sideways. "Don't worry about bedding, Grunkle Stan. Mabel's got it!"

"That isn't reassuring." Stan grumbles, but he is ignored as Mabel runs off laughing while being chased by Pacifica.

.

.

"Techno?" Phil asks. "Techno, come back mate." Techno growls, getting low to the ground and preparing to pounce. "Easy now, voices. We all know Techno won't want you doing anything drastic." Phil says, trying to calm Techno's voices.

"Move leave Philza CROWFATHER dadza OLD man." A cacophony of voices respond. "There IS yet still enemies FOES danger HERE home. Must NEED protect save HELP family kin CLAN blood."

"Who…?" Wilbur trails off, refusing to remove his eyes from the possessed body of Techno.

"Peter "Peach" Corbin, age 27, blood type A. SPILL BLOOD. blood. Kill enemy slaughter BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!"

Phil nods slowly, coming to an unwelcome conclusion. "Ranboo, get Axolotl out of here. Proteus, go protect the prisoner." Techno attempts to rush out the door when the voices comprehend the instructions, but is stopped by an outstretched wing.

"Philza OLD MAN father phil dadza move leave let us through!" The voices demand, pushing against Phil's wing.

"No." Phil shakes his head.

The voices roar in rage before grabbing the back of Phil's neck and tossing him into a wall. The path to the door is suddenly open, and Techno thunders out.

"Quick, after him!" Wilbur yells before running after the Piglin, Tommy close behind. .GIFfany starts broadcasting the base's PA system.

"I'm slowing him as much as possible, but anything below a grade three door is getting ripped through like it isn't there. Fortunately, the prison is surrounded by grade four doors at a minimum… I just lost him on the cams."

.

.

Tommy is following Wilbur when he hears a strange noise coming from the vents. Tommy pauses, creeping closer to the vent until he can hear the noise. It's a mixture of voices and clanking.

"Venting like the sussy amogus WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS SUS sus red sus SUBSCRIBE TO TECHNOBLADE! Emergency meeting sub to technoblade."

[I have no idea wtf they said but I agree!]

Tommy sighs. "He's uh, he's in the vents." Tommy transmits over the radio

"Shit." Wilbur sums up the situation eloquently.

"Yup." Tommy agrees.

.

.

Peter Corbin wasn't stupid, so when he saw the shapeshiftin' feller that had helped the pigman return to outside his cell, he could tell something was up. Even worse, the shapeshifter seemed nervous and was pacing back and forth.

"Everythin' alright out there?" Peter asks, startling the shapeshifter.

"Indeed. Everything is fine. How are you?" the shapeshifter responds, cringing immediately after.

Peter's eyebrows rise. If that didn't prove something was up, he didn't know what did. "Ah-huh." He nods, making his disbelief clear. Before the shapeshifter can offer more excuses, a banging comes from the vents next to the door that the shapeshifter slammed closed when he entered.

.

.

Techno entered the prison, emerging like a snake from the vents. 'No, not Techno.' Proteus reminds himself. 'A group of entities controlling Techno.'

"Techno, control yourself." Proteus says. "Do not fall prey to the baying hordes."

"Techno ISN'T he's not here present LISTENING." The voices respond, looking past Proteus towards the cowering human in the cell. "WE have to remove eliminate KILL threat danger prisoner WAR CRIMES POG!"

"You shall not pass." Proteus states as if he was commenting on the weather. "You can not pass. You will not harm our prisoner."

The voices snarl and leap at Proteus. Proteus shifts into a gnome, allowing Techno to fly over him before shifting into a minotaur and wrapping Techno in a full nelson. Techno head butts the bottom of Proteus's chin, knocking him backwards as Techno leaps forward.

Before Techno can get far, a giant frog's tongue pulls him into a four-legged fist. Techno drops to the ground limply before shooting his arms forward, pulling Proteus down. Proteus transforms into a millipede and catches himself, but Techno once again rushes towards the cell.

Proteus shifts into a hedge hog and barely gets ahead of Techno before turning into a drop bear. Proteus clasps onto Techno's back and refuses to let go, piloting the Piglin like Proteus was a rat and Techno a chef. Techno drops to the ground and rolls around, knocking Proteus off. Proteus attempts to stand, but is incapacitated by a swift strike to the head.

Techno turns to the prisoner, and with a single swipe of his hooves, cleaves the metal bars of the cell in twain. "And now, for you. KILL! Blood blood blood. PROTECT FAMILY clan kin home. Hurt enemies, show offer no mercy safety LIFE!" Techno punches down, and Peter closes his eyes, sure that this is the end.

There is no impact. Peter passed out from fear, or else he would see the unbelievable sight of Technoblade fighting with himself.

"NO nein why?! Why can't we punch kill eliminate PROTECT?"

"You have done enough." A regal voice responds, originating from Techno. "You have acted against the wont of our liege, and have hurt Corvus Pater."

"A NESCESSARY regrettable unavoidable ACTION decision act! We must have to protect save HELP the group family brood!"

"No. You have not done that, you used a moment of weakness to sate your lust for blood. Once Techno awakens, he will be most displeased." Suddenly, Techno collapses like a puppet whose strings have been cut.

He groans as he stands up, and it is now Techno, not a voice in control. "Ugh, what happened?" Techno asks, holding his head.

Technofan12321: Deusblade is goated

Carpediem: Desublade kept you from killing the prisoner

Laughteryoga: Technofan12321 speaking of goat-ed, bee boy is here

Bananamilkshake: Yo, Tubbo is here?

Laughteryoga: Yeah, he showed up when Techno lost control

Laughteryoga:Techno L

Anything_with_ash: shame we didn't go Canadian

Average_techno_fan: Anything_with_ash heh?

Anything_with_ash: Canadians are the reason for the Geneva suggestion

Fruitytv: MOAR ARSON (currently running from luigi, be back rq)

Pathoftheswole: Anything_with_ash I thought that was the germans

Anything_with_ash: Lol no, look up canada's war crimes if you don't believe me.

Fruitytv: This is luigi, I have captured fruit and am holding them hostage.

Fruitytv: I'M BACK BITCHES! Luigi can't tie ropes worth shit.

Ace: Wth is fruit doing? Or on?

Loqviaz: Ace Idk, they kinda just like that.

YetiOnAZipline: Deus took control from the wild voices.

Yodasstick: vented, we also did. Told to subscribe to Techno, plebs were.

Average_techno_fan: Aw, I missed some amogus content? Damn, I was out getting a sandwhich

Bananamilkshake: Average_techno_fan ooh, what type of Sammy?

Average_techno_fan: tuna salad with chocolate chips and miniature marshmallows

Yallneedhelp: Average_techno_fan what the hell is wrong with you.

RordanGamsey : Average_techno_fan You are failure and disgust me. You should kill yourself, now.

Techno sighs and sits down, content to let the voices argue over disgusting meals. Just then, the security doors come undone. Tommy, Wilbur, and Phil leap through, fully geared and ready for a fight, eyes searching for Technoblade. When they see Techno, he offers a lazy wave.

Techno closes his eyes contentedly before being slammed into. Techno groans, opening his eyes and looking at the gremlin child hugging him.

"Hey Tommy." Techno says tiredly. Tommy hugs his older brother tighter.

.

.

After repairing the cell, Techno returns to the meeting when .GIFfany opens comms.

"Great news! I'm not sure why, but all the government's info just got wiped. They don't have any relevant notes. I've started adding falsified transfer order for the agents who are MIA."

Techno nods. "In that case, I'm going to go pass out for a while. Wake me if the world starts ending or something."

"G'night mate." Phil waves. "Well, in that case…" Phil says casually, edging his way towards the exit. "If that's all, I'm going to go see my old friend. Okay? Bye!" Phil darts out of the room before anyone can react.

[Phil fr needin that milk]

"Hey, Phil!" Wilbur yells. "You can't go, that's why you were captured in the first place!...and he's gone." Wilbur sighs. "Alright, never mind. Tommy, you want to help me clean up the yard?"

"I mean, not particularly…?" Tommy answers, ignoring the fact that the question was rhetorical.

"Yeah, me neither. Let's just wait for tomorrow and trick Techno into doing it." Wilbur says. The brothers chuckle as the other members of the meeting begin making their way to the surface, repairing any damage to their sleeping quarters. After a while, Wilbur smacks his head.

"What?" Tommy asks.

"I forgot to make Techno do a speech."

"Damn it."

"We can always make him do it later."

.

.

Phil approaches the shack, noticing two old men and a teen talking on the porch. One of the old men and the teen seem to hear him approach, and they both look up, giving him an unimpeded view of their faces. Phil's eyes widen in recognition, and he drops.

Phil spreads his wings in front of the trio, landing softly as they watch in a mixture of awe and shock. Before Phil can say anything, the teen leaps onto him.

"PHIL!" Tubbo cries, hugging the crowfather.

"Hello Tubbo." Phil greets with a wry smile before focusing on the other two people. They both look like Phil's old friend Stanford, but only one seems to recognize him.

"P-Phil?" One of the look-a-likes asks.

"You know this bird-brain?" His copy whispers. The second is elbowed in the gut. "Ow! Why?!"

"Hello Ford." Phil greets. "Long time no see. How were you these last few years?"

"I-fine, stuck between dimensions, but fine." Ford replies.

Phil tilts his head. "The machine worked?" he asks, carefully controlling his excitement.

Ford shakes his head. "It was a mistake, Phil. I almost destroyed the world when I turned it on." Phil sighs, shelving an idea for now.

"So, uh, you wanna do introductions sixer?" Ford's copy suggests awkwardly.

Ford blinks. "Ah, yes. Stan, this is my old friend Philza."

"I'm not old!" Phil squawks in protest.

"No, I meant we have been friends for a long time." Ford reassures. "I'm sure you are incredibly young." Phil preens at the praise. "Phil, this is my brother Stanley." Phil's eyes widen imperceptibly at the name. He recognizes it, and, judging by the fact that the two aren't actively trying to kill each other, he must have gotten through to Ford on some level all those years.

"How ya doing." Stan greets.

Phil shrugs. "eh, been better. Cops are annoying."

Stan brightens. He can tell he's going to like this guy. "Don't I know it. Just because I do something that risks the world, they think I'm some kinda terrorist or something."

Philza nods. "I know! It's ridiculous." Stan and Phil shake hands before Phil asks a question. "Say, have you ever heard of a thing called, 'anarchy'?"

Ford sees his brother's eyes brighten and steps in before the two of them can plot anything. "Ahem. Phil, where were you? You disappeared when I needed you most."

Phil sighs. "I'm sorry. I was trapped under that old school house in some tree sap. By the way, some dinosaurs survived and are currently stuck in the sap."

"Really?" Ford gasps. "I must go investigate immediately." He moves to get off the porch, already reaching into his pocket for a journal to take notes in.

"Hold on there, Poindexter. You just got back from who knows where, you need some rest." Stan says, grabbing the back of Ford's neck like a disobedient kitten.

Ford reaches to try and loosen Stan's grip, but can't quite reach it. "Stanley, those dinosaurs have been down there for millions of years! This could be a major biological breakthrough!"

"Your breakthrough will still be there in the morning." Stan says, finally causing Ford to give up. Stan snorts. "Heh, reminds me of when we were kids. How many nights did you stay up late, researching fantasy creatures?" Stan teases his brother.

"Not as many times as you ended up unable to sleep 'cause of some girl." Ford teases back.

Tubbo attempts to keep his tiredness off his face, but he fails and yawns widely. Phil coos at him before turning to the elder Pines twins.

"I will take my leave, Tubbo appears to be getting tired." Phil announces, wrapping a wing around the goat hybrid.

Ford nods before noticing Phil's wing. "Wait, you know my apprentice?"

Phil blinks at Tubbo being anyone's apprentice before answering. "Yes. My son is one of his best friends. They haven't seen each other in a while, so he'll stay with us. The kids know where we live."

Stan looks annoyed at the information that the kids kept another secret from him, torn between enjoying their distrust of authority and disliking their lack of trust. Ford nods before speaking to his apprentice.

"Take tomorrow off, then we'll see where you end up staying." Tubbo and Phil wave goodbye, disappearing into the trees. The elder Pines watch them go before walking into the house to start making preparations for bed.

.

.

Tubbo and Phil walk in silence for a short while before Tubbo turns to Phil. "So, are you gonna kill me?"

"What? No! Why would I do that!" Phil asks, shocked at the accusation.

Tubbo looks uncertainly at Phil. "Because you said I was going to see Tommy? And last I checked, he was dead." Phil starts laughing. "Hey, stop. What? What did I say? Phil? Philza? Phil, stop laughing!"

Phil finally stops chuckling and answers Tubbo with a question. "Tubbo, do you know who I'm married to?"

"I didn't know you were married." Tubbo responds before adding, "Simp."

Philza gives Tubbo a thoroughly unimpressed look. "I am married to Lady Death."

"Ok?"

"So do you think she would want Tommy?" Phil asks. "No, that came out wrong. Do you think she would want to keep Tommy away from the rest of his family for hundreds of years, at the least?"

Tubbo nods uncertainly. "I see your point, but I thought the resurrection book died with the DSMP."

"It did." Phil agrees. "Just look." He says, opening a gate in a wall. Tubbo takes in rolling fields of potatoes, various buildings, and a few familiar faces before his attention is grabbed by a blond in a red shirt.

"TOMMY!" Tubbo yells, running towards his best friend.

"TUBBO!" Tommy yells back. The two collide, clinging to each other as they collapse to the ground. The two stay hugging and definitely not crying from seeing the other for a while, long enough for Phil to get some pictures but don't tell them that, before they get up and brush dirt of each other. "Hey Tubbs, how you doing?" Tommy asks.

"Oh, you know. I've got a job as an apprentice researcher." Tommy nods sagely. "And your dad's a simp." Tommy bursts out laughing.

"What'd he do?" Tommy manages to force out between laughs.

"He got married." Tubbo states dramatically, as though the world would be rocked by this revelation.

"He did!" Tommy gasps in fake surprise before shaking his head sadly. "He didn't even invite me."

The two make eye-contact and stay silent for a second before bursting into laughter. Eventually, Tubbo calms down enough to ask about the third member of their trio. "Hey, have you seen Ranboo?"

"Ranboob? He's right-" Tommy is interrupted by the vwoop of a teleporting Enderman a sudden crushing hug. "here. Ow. Ranboob, get off."

"Hi Ranboo!" Tubbo greets cheerfully. Ranboo smiles.

The trio hugs out their emotions. The fear, the shock, the brotherly love, all of it combined into an emotional soup. Off to the side, a figure in a purple sweatshirt looks on with a bittersweet look on their face.

'Aw, Ranboo and Uncle Tommy found their best friend. It's nice to see him happy. But, is he gonna have time for me now…? No, I can't think like that. I have to have faith that Ranboo will keep making time to be with me like he has.' Axolotl sighs softly.

Ranboo's head shoots out of the hug, focusing on Axolotl. He makes eye contact, and gestures them over to the hug. Axolotl looks uncertain, but Tommy and Tubbo notice what is happening and gesture them over to the hug as well. Axolotl joins the hug, hugging their definitely not dad.

"This your kid, Ranboo?" Tubbo asks.

Axolotl lets out a small eep before burying their face in Ranboo. The white half of Ranboo's face turns red. "N-no!" he stutters. "T-they're someone I found!"

"And adopted?" Tubbo continues. Ranboo stammers frantically before Tommy cuts him off.

"They say they aren't family." Tommy states to Tubbo. "They're lying though. I've already convinced Axolotl to call me 'Uncle Tommy', so now I'm gonna work on Dadboo."

Tubbo grins evilly. "Hey kid, call me Uncle Tubbo." Ranboo groans as the emotions get to much for Axolotl and they teleport away with a vwoop to their room. "Something wrong, dadboo?"

"I'm never going to here the end of this, am I." Ranboo sighs in defeat.

"Nope." Tommy agrees cheerfully.

"Not in a million years." Tubbo states reassuringly.

"Great." Ranboo grinds out sarcastically.

.

.

In the shack, the older Pines twins look at each other in the mirror.

"Look at us. When did we become old men?" Stan asks.

"You look like Dad." Ford teases.

"Ugh, uck, don't say that." Stan responds and they both laugh.

Ford sighs. "Listen, Stan." Stan tenses, feeling like something is about to go wrong. "I- thank you."

"What?" Stan says blankly.

"Thank you for bringing me back. I… understand you sacrificed a chance at having your own life to help me. You did something I didn't think was even possible when you restarted the machine, but it was incredibly dangerous."

"Well… uh, you're welcome?" Stan says, not expecting this. "But, I thought we already established I don't care about the danger in your nerd books"

"That's not the danger I'm referring to. I'll… I'll tell you tomorrow, it's a long story and I have a feeling little ears are closer than they appear." The two hear a subtle movement of feet and trade knowing looks.

Stan nods. "I'm holding you to that."

Ford hums thoughtfully. "You know, Pacifica kind of looks like a Northwest."

"That's uh, that's because she is." Stan admits.

"She's what?!" Ford demands. "Your letting one of their blood stay here? And date our grandnephew? Are you crazy?"

"Hey, first off, I'm not crazy. Second, it's good for the kid: even if it never goes anywhere, it'll give him some confidence. Third, she got kicked out 'cause she saved some people from dying and made the Northwests look bad in public. From what I overheard, she's disgusted by her ancestors' actions, and I would think you of all people would know better than to judge someone for a single mistake."

"I- yes, I suppose that is fair." Ford admits. "I will attempt not to let my opinions on her family interfere with my interactions with her." Stan slaps Ford on the back appreciatively, and the two head deeper into the shack. "I want my name back, by the way."

"Are you sure? I kinda like 'Stanford', makes me feel sophisticated." Stan comments

"Stanley." Ford says warningly.

"Yeesh, fine." Stan agrees reluctantly.

Ford struggles with something internally before saying another thing to Stan. "You can stay here for the summer to watch the kids, and I'll stay down in the basement to try and contain any remaining damage. But once the summer's over, you give me my house back and this Mystery Shack junk is over forever. You got it?"

"Fine." Stan grumbles. "Just so long as you keep the kids away from any danger. Then I'll do what you want and disappear forever."

"Wait, Stanley, I-" Ford starts to say before Stan interrupts him.

"Goodnight, Stanford." With that, Stan slams a door closed.

Ford reaches for the door handle before letting his arm fall with a sigh. "Goodnight Stanley."

.

.

"Huh, I wonder what that danger they were talking about was." Mabel says as she sits on her bed. After the Stan's subtly hinted that they knew they were being overheard, the trio had run into the attic. Dipper and Pacifica face Mabel, sitting on Dipper's bed.

"I mean, what's the worst that it could be?" Dipper shrugs. "We've already defeated ghosts, zombies, demons, an actual god, well, two of them technically, two different robots…" He lists, trying to think of more encounters.

"A rogue AI, a dinosaur, a cult, the police, child psycho, gnomes, time travelers, living candy…" Mabel adds. "Yeah, we don't have much to worry about."

"What do you think, Pacifica?" Dipper asks, turning to his girlfriend who had been silent since she made a decision. Pacifica doesn't answer and refuses to look at him. "Pacifica? Everything alright?"

"Yeah, Paz. You're not usually this quiet." Mabel adds, looking at her… what would the appropriate term be? Brother's girlfriend? Future sister-in-law? Girlfriend-in-law? Whatever their relationship is, Mabel is worried.

"Y- -t -d?" Pacifica mumbles, looking at the floor.

"What?" Dipper asks, not understanding what she's asking. Pacifica takes a deep breath, and looks at Dipper.

"You're not mad that I trusted Mr. Pines over obeying you?" Pacifica says in a rush before looking away and tensing for an impact.

"No? I mean, I'm kinda annoyed that you didn't trust me, but you probably had a clearer head than me at the time." Dipper answers honestly.

"So you aren't going to dump me?!" Pacifica asks, shocked.

"N-what?! Why would I dump you? Just because we didn't agree? That's… normal in a relationship between two individuals. You're going to have some things one person likes and the other doesn't, or vice versa." Dipper says, somewhat concerned by the source of Pacifica's 'knowledge' on relationships.

"O-oh." Pacifica says softly before chuckling a little, small tears of relief starting to pool in the corners of her eyes. "G-guess I was all worked up over nothing."

Dipper looks at her, and in that moment comes to a realization. Pacifica is exhausted both emotionally and physically, wearing one of Mabel's sweaters, covered in dust, and not wearing a single spot of make-up. To Dipper, she is the most beautiful thing in the universe. Dipper cups her cheeks, pulling her face up to meet his, and kisses her.

Pacifica's eyes widen in shock at the unexpected kiss before melting into Dipper. The two share the kiss, a promise that they still care for each other, for a few seconds before the click of a camera and a flash interrupt them. Dipper and Pacifica break away from the kiss and see Mabel holding a camera and grinning before their faces turn red.

"Well, guess I don't need to get bedding. You two can just share a bed!" Mabel teases cheerfully.

"Wh- no! Mabel! Mabel!" Dipper sputters, doing an excellent impression of a tomato. Pacifica grabs Dipper's pillow and hides behind it, hugging it tightly to keep the terrifying demon known as a teasing sister away.

Mabel laughs uproariously. "I'm just teasing, you two." Dipper and Pacifica's faces lose some of their blush and Pacifica peeks over the pillow at Mabel. "Besides, I'm not ready for nieces or nephews yet." The blushes return, even worse than before. Pacifica ducks back behind the pillow. Mabel hops off her bed and grabs something from a shelf. She unfolds the item and starts fixing one end to a wall.

"Uh, Mabel? What is that?" Dipper asks.

"The Swammock! A hammock made out of sweaters!" Mabel explains proudly. Soon, the Swammock (patent pending) is secure on the wall above Dipper's bed and the three kids crawl into their resting places.

"Goodnight, girls." Dipper says.

"Goodnight bro-bro, goodnight Paz."

"Goodnight."

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.

Ford steps into his elevator, and isn't that a shock. For thirty years, he's been missing, and now he's back. His house is different, of course. His brother turned it from a respectable place of science into a tourist trap, but Ford has accepted it for now.

Ford sighs, trying to figure out how to explain the misunderstanding to Stan. Ford wasn't going to kick his brother out; in fact, he was going to offer Stan a job as an assistant. The two of them would go on adventures, just like they said. Maybe they wouldn't be on the ocean, and maybe they were a little past their prime for getting babes, but Ford wanted to make some good memories with his brother, now that death was becoming much more present than in the past.

The elevator dings, awakening Ford from his introspection. Ford enters his study, surprisingly untouched and begins cataloging. No new information jumps out at Ford until he reaches a tarp covering what seems to be a body.

Ford pulls the tarp off, revealing a robot made of some strange material. The metal shined with a light from within, lightly illuminating the room. The robot has silver hair, and a military hat that doesn't match any military Ford can recognize. Ford had discovered it years ago, but he had no idea how to repair it. At least, until now.

[YOOOOOOO, it's my best buddy boi robot! pog moment! also, don't even think about callin this mf short, he's canonically 6'1 XD]

(he short :p )

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Completed: 3/30/2024 Words: 21,477 Written using a pirated copy of Microsoft Word 2007

AN2: Did I get any of you with the Wilbur fake-out? In all seriousness, I am going to treat the character Wilbur Soot as a different entity than William Gold.

So, cut scenes. Originally, the some of the agents guarding the schoolhouse were going to come in and try to have "fun" with Pacifica and Mabel. I didn't think it fit, as it was just over the top for the sake of being over the top. The Ranboo and Axolotl conversation before the meeting was originally going to end in a hug, but I felt that it was better where I actually used.

As you can probably tell, this is actually two episodes in one. At the start of the chapter, I thought Not What He Seems was going to be the largest component, and at most the chapter would be one and a half the average length. Now we're sitting at 21,477, so you can see how that turned out.

Special thanks to Sora for beta'ing this beast in two hours! You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.

Where does that strange thing in the last scene come from? Check out Sora's story, "Project demi-god" on wattpad and Ao3. The lore makes even less sense then FnaF!

[ngl, I don't even know my own lore. It's that good frfr]