A month had gone by, the estate was rebuilt, all the things back in there place like it had never happened. The towns and cities were doing the same. I had asked to go see them, but I was denied. I did not ask to help; I only wished to see and know where they were at.

To which Tamlin replied, I can show you on a map. I knew to expect it, but when he said it, it still pissed me off. I dumped more wine into my glass and drank it down. This was the daily pass time, read, drink, stare at things. It was uneventful, the mountain had been my playtime compared to this dull existence.

It was odd being here after all those months under the mountain. I had not heard from Rhysand either, part of me wished he would come. Most days the eye on my palm was closed. Sometimes I would ask a silly question when it opened, like do the tree in your court have green leaves or black ones? To which it shut.

Tamlin was so busy with rebuilding and talking with priestess Ianthe, made me wonder if I was just an afterthought. Since that day we left, since that first little fight. I kept more distance. The quite feeling more like that prison cell under the mountain. My since of familiarity.

I don't think he even noticed how I walked the other way when I saw him that first week. How I manage to eat before him. I was embarrassed. I kept breaking and bending things. I ripped books. All the servants did was fix it, tell me 'it's okay Calamity', and moved on.

That was another thing. He still messed my name up. The servants got it right off the bat. I took a breath, steeling that mental sheild. I was determined to get this right. I read in my world book about a few powers she gained. I explored it, every once in a while, I would see a little more.

I turned the page to hard again, putting a small tear near the spine. What else could the other High Lords do? I was digging deep into the books for as many answers as I could get. Writing what I could in my own crazy little language.

I never found my other book; I tore that room apart searching. I think it might have been taken under the mountain. I was half tempted to search it out. I was just not allowed to leave the property of this estate. I tried once, to which I was found in a tree reading, then dragged back.

Something inside me was stirring, the power deep inside screaming to be released. It would make my bones ache at times, but never for long. Like little phantom pains. I would know when one was coming, that thrum or ripple before the pain.

Using the power helped with alleviating this, as well as drinking. Can't feel the pain if I'm numb.

One power I could ask was about shape shifting, the first week back, just to give a curious question. Tamlin was more than happy to tell me how it all worked. Since then, I have been trying, but failing. I would get it. I wanted to be something else for a change.

I did not want to be Calamity the curse breaker. Calamity the wyrm killer, that one hurt most. I just wanted to be me. I closed my eyes, picturing a mouse, scuttling along the wall. Unseen, unheard, ignored. A tendril of magic poured, and I dropped.

I looked up to the skyscraper table I had been at. Peering over my hands and feet. I was a mouse. The tattoo wrapped around my paw. I laughed, taking off around the library. I had done it. I had willed the thought to existence.

I took sharp turns, pretending I was being chased by a cat. I shifted prematurely, barreling forward into a shelf. Books dropped from the wall. Landing all around me, a few hit my head. I rubbed the sore spot, picking up the last one that had fallen. Ah, I read this before the mountain.

"My lady, are you alright."

"Oh, yes. I lost balance again. I suppose I'm not used to walking." A lie, that was not a problem anymore.

They smiled. "It's okay. Let me help you."

"No, no. Please, let me. It's a small thing."

It was too late; they had used their magic to put it right back where it all belonged. They just flicked a wrist, and it was all better.

I took my notebook, wine glass and bottle to the music room. I only stared at the golden Piano. It seemed like this room was the only one untouched when we came back. The window was broken, but other than that, the room was intact.

I wished to touch it, wished I could trust myself to touch it. I sat, hands under my butt at the bench. Only one. I could gently tap one. I could slide a finger down one. The urge was winning, I reached for a Key. The door opened and I jerked back.

"I haven't…" I stared. Any damage? I sighed, safe. "What?" I turned, staring down Lucian.

"Cali, Tam wants to know if you would wait for him at dinner."

"I eat when I eat. Leave me."

"But…"

"Leave." I felt heat in my veins, the ache in my bones. I could tell he felt it to as he backed out of the room. I locked the door, and continued what I was doing.

I pressed one ever so slightly. The soft sound bringing a smile to may face. I thought of that key playing again. I could hear the ping, and it was still humming out. My nose crinkled; it was real. I looked down at the key pressed in, then it popped up.

I was putting two and two together. Will and force were two separate things. I had been forcing all these days. I closed my eyes, thinking of that sweet melody I loved. How the keys sounded. A key pressed, and I thought of the next, then the one after that.

I finished off the second wine bottle of the day and sprawled out on the floor. I thought of the time in that cell, some of the daydreams I had. The songs I sang. I heard it playing in the background on the Piano, I kept that focus, as it played through slowly like the saddest song.

I felt like the saddest song, waiting for something more. Waiting to be picked up. I would take the body painting and wine drinking again just to escape this room, to get out of the golden cage of a favored songbird. The tendrils of power backed off and I felt a little better.

The door was unlocked from the outside, my music stopped, and someone stepped in. "Fey… I mean Calamity." Almost got it. Since we never talk much anymore, this man has had the least amount of teaching time. "I would like it if you came to dinner and ate with me."

"People usually lock doors for a reason, but I suppose. You did come all the way here instead of sending Lucian."

"What's wrong, what did I do?"

"I'm not even sure. Could be the fact you won't let me explore your territory or maybe because you demand me to come eat when you're ready. You also bring Ianthe, and she talks way too much, it's almost like you took in another woman."

"That's not it, she's just helping me build my territory back up." Out of all the things that's it?

"There are far more important things than making it seem like you have a strong front. We should be looking for the cauldron pieces."

"This again? I don't understand why your obsessed with this thing, everything is peaceful."

I leaned up. "War is coming, it will ruin this land. You will either join them or fight on our side. Your fate is not sealed yet, but if you join them, you will die." I got up, grabbing the empty bottle and glass.

"You don't know that." I didn't, but I wanted him on our side of things.

"But I do. Why else would I know anything from under the mountain. I had special blades made, had trinkets. I did not read the riddle; I knew the third lever was correct. Hell, I knew the answer to the riddle was love before I was ever dragged down there. I worded my end of the deal to save everyone all at once without her realizing. So, if you think for a second that I'm stupid, or have no concept of this world, you're wrong. There are reasons I like who I like and get shitty with others." I stalked off, Tamlin following me.

"Calamity, wait. Is this why you avoid me? You think I'm bad or will be this bad person?" He grabbed my arm; I felt the ice in my veins well up.

"I am unsure yet, because you are the only one right now that can sway to either side of the fence. Will you be the enemy, or emissary."

The ice was growing, it felt cold but not at the same time. He let go, the sound of glass breaking into pieces. He looked to his hand covered in ice crystals. I peered down at my arm covered in ice, the space where his hand had been. Now the power shows up, when I'm mad or feeling some kind of way.

"We can fix this."

"I don't need fixed, I need trained."

"You don't need that, just stay here where it's safe."

"And in the next months to a year? When Hybern armies come? Then what? I get to die again because I could not defend myself properly." I smirked. "Actually, I think you do know me best. Don't train me. I'll lay out in the grass as I wait for them. Taunt them as I did Amarantha. Honestly, I don't know why I wasted the breath to try." Ice filled the hall around me.

I took a deep breath as my stomach turned, those tendrils whipping around. "I'm tired." I walked slowly, the tendrils of magic slowly fading as I iced the halls and melted them back down making the air humid. Two bottles, and an empty stomach later. My stomach turned violently. I ran to the bathroom and vomited.

I clutched my fists as I heaved again. This piece, this moment, it was like I was there again. Another since of familiarity. When I was done, I wiped my face, and sat leaning on the wall. I looked at the open eye, I checked the shield, when I found it lacking, I smirked.

"I had a thought today, the thought trail after led to you. I was hunkering for candy, a specific kind called Reese's peanut butter cups. Chocolate and Peanut butter. Then it rolled to Reese's pieces. Those are also very good. Then I thought of you in pieces. Nothing? So, quite." I taunted. "Hm, suppose you're enjoying this. Knowing you're safe all the way in the night court, far away from this train wreck. I suppose you don't know what a train is. Call it the mountain of mayhem perhaps." I chuckled. Throwing a shield up, the eye closed slowly.

I checked my face, tracing the lines where it was sinking in. I should eat, but I wanted to purge once more. I checked on the egg, nothing had changed. The heartbeat was steady, getting stronger, but it did not move much. I grazed fingers over it. Behemoth said soon, but what was soon?

Ianthe was there, sitting to the right of Tamlin and I to the left. I wasn't jealous of her, her personality rubbed me the wrong way. Focusing on the food on my plate, bit by bit, I swallowed what I could. Meats, some fruit. Lucian was next to me, not looking at her.

"So, Feyre…"

"Ca...lam...I…ty." I corrected as I gripped my fork so hard it bent. I picked up the glass of wine and sipped it.

"Right, Calamity. Have you two been on a date recently."

"Tamlin is busy, I don't bother him with such silly things."

"Silly things, they are important for any relationship."

I looked at my hand, the eye was closed. Stupid prick, you could save me from this conversation. It's been a month. "That's out of the question, move on."

"Tam, have you thought of proposing?"

I held my finger up, shaking it. "Before you answer that question, Tamlin. The answer is no, the world is not that kind of place right now." I glared in her direction. "Ianthe quit pushing him. He's the high lord." I pushed the plate back, checking my shield. It was still there.

"We all faced horrors, but now is a time of peace." Her overly joyful voice was sickening to me.

"Is it? I overheard your conversation, enlighten me to the full situation."

"Someone is going through the temples. That's all I'm aloud to say."

I smiled as I leaned back and crossed my arms. "I already know who is doing it. I just wanted to see if you would lie to me."

"Cali." I softened, looking at Lucian. "If you know all these things, then tell us the whole picture."

I looked at Tamlin. "I have." I drank the cup, took the bottle, and walked off.

As I closed the door I heard Lucian. "She knows more than she's letting on. She did before the mountain. She knew the wyrm before anyone said anything. She never questioned and always knew the answer. She spoke the answer to the riddle to me before it was ever given, before she was dragged under the mountain. I believe her, Tam. You should too." I smiled a little at that, until I felt Tamlin's power burst out and I shuttered

I sauntered off the music room, drinking wine from the bottle. I don't remember telling him, but I could only image what I said under the influence of the wine. Now I drank and it only dulled things, I could not forget myself like I used down there.