(A/N): Lisbet, Leo and Jerremyah's conversation continues.

Lisbet

Leo was concerned about the Twins- of course he was. It was the opposite of shocking that his attention had turned to them, but I had the distinct feeling that it wasn't all he was making it out to be. Sure, I believed that he genuinely cared about them and their journeys as recently-turned vampires, but I also knew that it was entirely likely that he was using them as a distraction- or a proxy, as it were. 'Let's all do our best to ensure that Jo and Danniel don't kill anyone', could just as easily be, 'Please, God, don't let me kill anyone- by choice or otherwise.'

"You-" Jerremyah started, then cut himself off as he clearly realised he hadn't thought about what he was going to say beyond that. The issue with that was, seeing as Jerremyah was having to pretend like he didn't care in order to put Leo's mind at ease, he sort of needed to plan things out in advance- a few seconds advance, at least. "Ah." It was an acknowledgement, but beyond that, he gave Leo nothing to go off of.

"'Ah'? That's it?" He asked incredulously. "Did I miss something?" Jerremyah shrugged.

"What did you expect me to say?" Even I couldn't tell whether this was rhetorical, or a real question. Knowing Jerremyah, it was probably both- and he'd phrased it perfectly, calling back to their discussion of 'expectations'.

"I-" Leo hesitated. "I dunno... something about how it was self-defense, and how it wasn't my fault, and I shouldn't blame myself?" ...well. It was good to know that if anything happened to Jerremyah and I, Leo had the ability to conduct his own consoling pep talk.

Jerremyah shrugged again, but I could see the quiet pride in the set of his eyes. I suppose he was proud that Leo must, deep down, believe these things- or at the very, very least, know that we believed them. "You seem to already be aware of those things. Would hearing them from me make you feel better?" It was sincere- of course it was, this was Jerremyah talking to Leo, he wasn't going to be cruel now that we'd gotten past that. He'd tell Leo if that's what he needed- I could tell that he wanted to tell him anyway, but seeing as he was trying to play it cool, he was leaving it up to Leo.

Leo, who looked like he thought this was obviously some sort of trap. "I don't need it." Hm, an odd way to phrase it-

"But do you want them? Would they help? I couldn't care less about what you can live without- that's not what this is about." Leo's head tilted to the side, taking my hands with it.

"What is this about, then?" The corner of Jerremyah's lips twitched downward, but I knew it had more to do with the response he was thinking of giving, rather than the question he'd been asked.

"For lack of a better term- and believe me, I would absolutely say anything else if I could think of something more appropriate- this is about soothing your soul." As Leo blinked, I struggled not to sigh. It was good to see that Jerremyah's tendency for unintentionally profound speech was still going strong, even if everything else was up for debate.

"My... soul?" Jerremyah nodded, apparently committed now, since he didn't seem discouraged by Leo's obvious puzzlement.

"Yep. Clearly, it's been through the ringer- you need to take care of it. You only get one, you know, so you've got to learn how to take care of it." There was a second of silence. A second where I couldn't tell whether Leo was simply taking the time to absorb that, or if he was actually hesitating. Then he opened his mouth, and I had my answer.

"I didn't have a choice. It's a bit hard to keep your soul clean, when people keep trying to kill you." I pressed a kiss to where his jaw met his ear- then another, because one was never enough.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jerremyah's face soften, and I reflected on the fact that, since Leo couldn't currently see him, he was free to react however he pleased, really. I suspected there was about to be quite a dissonance between the words coming out of his mouth, and the facial expressions that went along with them. "It would be rather hypocritical of me to try to judge you for killing someone in self defense, considering my history- don't you think?" Leo said nothing, just staring at him- well, his eyes were pointed in his direction, at least, even if my hand was in the way- as though he expected him to continue. And eventually, Jerremyah caved, and did so. "Your soul isn't dirty- it's injured." This, apparently, was what got through to Leo.

His face went slack, and as I watched, I saw him blink repeatedly- like he was trying to reset his recently amended view of the situation, because he thought he'd come to the wrong conclusion. "I- it- ...injured?" Jerremyah nodded.

"Yes. Not necessarily even because you killed," 'Killed'- not 'killed someone', but 'killed'... leaving room for animals or things other than people, since Leo was exactly the sort of person that would think that swatting a fly would irreversibly stain his soul. That killing someone, even in self defense, would make him irredeemable. "I'm sure there are many reasons, even some unique only to you. The trick is learning how to heal." And it really must have seemed like a trick to Jerremyah, considering he'd never even come close to perfecting it himself.

"...and how am I supposed to do that?" Leo asked, and I was glad that he couldn't see the very evident, 'fuck if I know' written across Jerremyah's face.

He pulled it together though, and said, "I suppose you could start with trying to forgive yourself." Leo scoffed, and easily pulled his face backward out of my hands- which proved that he could've done so at any time, and had simply chosen not to.

"Like that's so simple- you think I haven't tried?" Jerremyah shrugged looking- and only looking- completely nonchalant.

"I think you're telling yourself all the right things, but you don't believe they're true." Leo blinked in surprise, but Jerremyah continued. "There's probably some deeper issue there- an inability to trust yourself. Another thing we have in common." Um? I thought this was a bit of a low blow, but Leo didn't really react- or at least, he didn't react the way I expected him to, merely staring at Jerremyah like he was a rather interesting puzzle.

"I trust my body," Was what he said in the end, which... was quite telling, actually. "My mind, on the other hand..." Jerremyah nodded.

"For me, it's a little hard to tell- whether my mind or my body is the issue. My body is the one- doing the killing- but my mind... the vampire side of me, it takes over, yes, but does it... does it take my mind, and the body follows, or does it just take the body from the beginning?" This- this was more than I'd heard Jerremyah talk about his particular brand of control issues in a very long time- but was this caused by his newfound introspection, our time apart, or his growing kinship with Leo?

"You said it pushes you into a box- holds you back, until it loses power," ...how much had they talked about this? That- it wasn't quite what Jerremyah had told me, the many times I'd tried to gain an insight into his problem in the past, but I wasn't sure whether that was because he'd intentionally told Leo something different, or because his description had evolved over the last decade that we'd been apart. "That sounds like more of a mental thing, to me." Jerremyah grimaced.

"I can't say I disagree," He said. "But, there's a difference between trust, and belief." Leo tilted his head to the side, as if he thought that getting a different perspective would help him understand what Jerremyah was trying to say.

"Care to elaborate?" Leo asked, and apparently Jerremyah did feel like expanding on the subject, because he said,

"I believe in my body, and what it's capable of. The strength of my hands, the durability of my flesh and bones." And what lovely hands they are. "I believe in my mind, and my ability to think through a problem. I believe that I'm strong enough- mentally- to get through just about anything, even if I don't come out of it unscathed." His eyes flicked to me, and I knew he was thinking about our- separation. It must have been hell on him- it was for me, and I was the one that'd done it. I couldn't even begin to imagine how I would've felt, if it'd been Jerremyah doing the- the separating. Then again... by taking that stake for himself, he very nearly had. "I do not, however, trust that my mind won't be taken over- that my body won't destroy, just as it can create. I believe in my vampire side, but I will never, ever, trust it."

(A/N): Jerremyah: *being deep*

Lisbet: *being thirsty*

or

Jerremyah: 'I believe in my body, and what it's capable of. The strength of my hands, the durability of my flesh and bones.'

Lisbet: 'And what lovely hands they are.'

also

Jerremyah: 'You seem to already be aware of those things. Would hearing them from me make you feel better?'

Leo: 'I don't need it.'

Leo: 'I definitely don't need it.'

Leo: 'I don't need it.'

Leo: '...'

Leo: 'I- NEED- IT!'