"Brumous"
"Chapter Sixty-Three: Home"
Marlene had arrived at the infirmary at nearly midnight to see Sirius hunched over Harry's bed sleeping. Her heart ached in her chest when she noticed Sirius holding their godson's hand. Sirius' little snake laid wrapped around their joined hands as well, which only caused Marlene to wince. She didn't really understand the pet snake thing, but she tried not to let it bother her. Sirius had clearly become attached to the animal in a way that surprised her. With a sigh, Marlene settled quietly in the chair across from them, not wanting to wake Sirius since he had been running on nearly empty since the entire ordeal began.
When she woke up early the next morning after a terrible sleep in the uncomfortable chair, she noticed Sirius hadn't moved from his spot. Marlene blinked at him, soaking in his unnatural stillness. Was he even breathing? Marlene jumped from her chair and rounded the bed, his fingers jabbing into Sirius' neck to try to find a pulse. His skin was icy but there was a pulse, albeit thready. Her breath hitched in her throat as she ran the back of her hand across his cheek. He didn't stir or make any noise. Worse case scenarios flitted across her mind. Had he been attacked as well?
"Sirius?" Marlene choked out, her eyes growing wide. "Sirius!" she nearly shouted.
Her fingers wrapped around his shoulder and she shook him, calling his name again. A beat later, Sirius gasped and shot up. He nearly fell out of his chair as his wild eyes looked around at his surroundings. His gray eyes locked with hers.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Sirius asked, standing to his full height and running a hand through his hair. "What the fuck, Marly?"
Marlene's head jutting back. "Excuse me?"
"I was with Harry!" Sirius shouted, his body tense as he loomed over her.
Marlene shook her head. "What are you even talking about?"
"I was in the cracks with him!" Sirius explained but Marlene still didn't understand. "He's with James and Lily," he croaked out. "Fleamont and Euphemia were there as well. They're all protecting him."
When Sirius first told her about his whole talking to dead people thing, she had believed him without hesitation. Sirius wasn't one to make up lies for attention. But Marlene didn't understand it at all. Nor could she grapple what he was talking about being in the cracks and all of the Potters being there.
"Can you explain this to me?" Marlene pressed, trying to understand where Sirius was telling her.
Sirius did, going into excruciating detail about everything to the point Marlene had trouble trying to follow his frantic fragmented thoughts. Something about slipping through different cracks based on who was slipping through and somehow he slipped Harry through a different crack? Merlin, that sounded insane and just plain confusing. Then, he started talking about a snake's sloughed skin and she could only blink at him. Clearly, he had an epiphany that Marlene couldn't comprehend.
"Grab Ginny or Ron," Sirius demanded. "I need to speak with Snape and Andy and I don't want Harry here alone. I know they'll call me on the mirror if something happens."
"Sirius, can you slow down?" Marlene pressed, her hands pressing against his arms.
"I can wake him up, Marlene!" Sirius protested in a frantic tone. "We don't have time to waste! I don't even know how long he'll be safe where I left him!"
Marlene swallowed, not being able to help herself. "Are you sure it wasn't just a dream?" she asked cautiously, knowing she had to tread carefully.
Sirius' jaw clenched. He made his way to Harry's bedside and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt. The snake was still curled around his hand and wrist, unmoving with its eyes closed. Sirius gestured towards the snake as though that explained everything.
"Look, believe me or don't believe me. I don't really give a shit, Marly," Sirius said with a sigh, his head shaking. "But this is real. I know it is. I've been so bloody stupid for months or, or years even denying this. If I had listened to James while I was locked up in Azkaban, everything would have been different. Except I didn't believe it. I didn't believe him, that he was real. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, not when Harry's life is on the line."
The infirmary door opened to reveal the Weasley siblings. Ron had a cup of coffee while Ginny carried a small plate of breakfast foods. They clearly were thinking of Sirius' wellbeing and Marlene was just beginning to realize how close he was to those kids. She was very acutely aware that Ginny got on a lot better with Sirius than she did with Marlene.
"We brought you breakfast," Ginny announced, setting the plate down on the bedside table.
"More importantly, I brought you this disgusting cup of coffee," Ron added, holding the cup out to Sirius. "It was my idea. Ginny only thought about food. She doesn't understand the power of a drink, no matter how revolting it is."
Sirius tore his gaze away from Marlene, looking between the two siblings. He reached out and touched Ginny's arm.
"Do you have your mirror on you?" Sirius asked in a tone he normally reserved for Harry.
Ginny nodded, her brows pinching. "Of course, I do."
"I need you to sit with Harry until I get back," Sirius explained to her. "Call me if you need anything or if something happens with him. Don't worry about classes. Let me deal with McGonagall and your mother."
"Sirius," Marlene hissed, not believing her ears.
Sirius only waved his hand behind him in her direction. She tried to bite down her frustration. It wasn't appropriate to ask teenagers to skip class to watch their friend. They could contact Remus or Tonks or someone. But Sirius acted like there was zero time to waste. Marlene just wanted him to slow down and take a breath. They couldn't afford to make any mistakes.
"What's going on?" Ginny asked, giving Sirius her full attention.
"I think I know how to wake Harry up," Sirius replied before turning to look at Harry.
He pried the snake off Harry's hand. Its body laid limp in Sirius' palm, hanging over either side. The back of his finger rubbed along the snake's little head. Several moments later, the snake roused from its sleep. Its body coiled around Sirius' arm, its little head rubbing against the inside of his wrist. A small piece of skin detached by under its chin. Then, as though Sirius had done it a thousand times before, he pinched the loose skin on its head and gently pulled it back. The snake inched up Sirius' arm slowly, the top layer of skin shedding effortlessly.
Ginny rounded Sirius, her eyes locking on the snake shedding its skin before she sat down on the hospital bed by Harry's knees. She grasped his hand, her thumb brushing along his knuckles as her gaze focused on the snake.
"Bloody hell," Ron mumbled, his face pulling. "Can you do that alone next time, mate?"
Sirius ignored him as he helped the snake slough its skin. Once the snake was finished, it coiled around Sirius' arm. With the sloughed skin in hand, Sirius made his way out of the infirmary without a single word or a warning. Marlene smiled tightly at the Weasley kids before she darted after him, jogging to catch up to him. She cursed his damn long legs, needing to keep a brisk pace to keep up with his long strides.
"Can you send a Patronus to Andy for me? Tell her to meet me at Snape's office?" Sirius asked. "I can't conjure one anymore."
"Have you tried?" Marlene inquired, tugging her wand from her pocket.
"Not recently," Sirius replied with an unreadable expression on his face.
Marlene twirled her wrist, her lips moving with the incantation. A large dog burst out of the tip of her wand, looking menacing. It didn't linger before it jumped through the nearest wall in search for Andromeda. Marlene glanced up at Sirius to see his face held no expression at the sight of her Patronus looking eerily like Padfoot still. In that moment, she really wished she could read his mind. A thirty-seven-year-old Sirius was extremely hard for her to read sometimes in a way twenty-one-year-old Sirius never was. They were so different in temperament and willingness to talk.
A small part of her missed the old Sirius, the one who told her everything and was always smiling. Sirius had been so cheerful before, even when things had started to go to shit and the Order started dropping like flies. He joked around more, talked more, and was just more pleasant in general. But Azkaban and life had hardened Sirius. It had helped him build more walls and shut people out, even those closest to him. While she saw sparks of the old Sirius shining through sometimes since he started therapy and his potion, they were fleeting and infrequent.
Once they arrived in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, Sirius shoved the door open without missing a beat. Snape stood behind his desk, a sneer working its way on his face at the sight of them. Marlene had done her best to avoid Snape at all costs since she regained her memories. In fact, she couldn't recall saying two words to him since their blow-up in the corridor that one night when she had been overwhelmed by a rush of memories.
"What do I owe this misfortune?" Snape asked.
"I'm ready to brew the potion," Sirius announced, tossing the sloughed skin onto the desk. "If I were to add that, when would to be optimal time?" he demanded, his body tense.
Snape blinked at him, having the audacity to look bored. "After the draught is complete."
Sirius' jaw ticked. "While it's simmering or when it's off the heat?"
Snape arched his eyebrow. Marlene thought he looked mildly impressed but a moment later his face turned sour once more.
"Halfway through the simmering would be my best guess," Snape replied, appraising Sirius.
Sirius nodded, his fingers rubbing along his jaw. "Are you going to help me or not?"
"It would be easier if I just brewed the antidote myself," Snape replied, his fingers pressing into his desk as his back straightened.
Sirius matched the stance, looming taller than Snape. "I need to be the one to brew it."
"Ah, yes, we can't damage Sirius Black's ego, now can we?" Snape jeered. "Who cares if the boy dies as long as Black gets to attempt to prove he's better than everyone else?"
Sirius glared. "Do you find it impossible to keep your mouth fucking shut once and awhile?"
"Sirius," Marlene said in a gentle tone, her hand pressing against his arm. "Snape. Let's just try to get along, all right? We're all on the same side. We're mature adults now."
"Speak for yourself," Snape hissed. "Black still acts like a petulant child."
Sirius let out a cruel chuckle. "I'm not the one who bullies children to feel superior."
Snape's eyes flashed.
"Enough!" Marlene shouted. "Both of you, stop it!"
Marlene couldn't stand the bickering. Neither one seemed capable of letting the past go. If Marlene could keep her tongue with Snape after he had left her to die when Death Eaters attacked her family, then Sirius and Snape could both let their juvenile shit go. They were both absolutely horrid to each other as kids. They both gave as much as they got. It was time to moved the fuck on.
Marlene's chest heaved. "Are you going to instruct Sirius or not?" she demanded.
Snape looked up at the ceiling. "If I must."
"Great!" Marlene said, clapping her hands together. "I'm sure Albus can find substitutes for us. I'll contact him to tell him we will both be unable to teach today."
Sirius sucked in a breath, his hands pressing against his hips. "Want to show me your cauldron?"
"I don't really have a choice in the matter," Snape replied. "I'm sure whatever cauldron you possess is probably rusted and corroded from lack of proper cleaning."
Marlene watched Sirius carefully. It looked to be taking everything in him not to snap back. Marlene had to applaud his self-restraint, because she wasn't sure he could have managed it a few months ago. As they made their way to the potions' storage cupboard, Marlene hoped that they could successfully work together for Harry's sake. And for her own bloody sanity.
Harry sat in the sand, watching as the waves crashed into the shore. It was something he had done plenty when he had been in Agde the previous summer. The warm air, the salty sea smell, the calmness. Harry had felt normal for the first time in his life. On holiday with his family. It had been the best summer of his life by far. There was no threat. No awful Dursleys. The only thing that could have made it literal bliss was if the Weasleys had joined them. Lounging with Ginny on the beach. Talking with Ron into the late hours of the night in their shared room. Eating Mrs Weasleys cooking. They would have been added bonuses.
Harry knew that if he survived the war, he wanted to take Ginny to Agde. He didn't think Sirius would mind if he used the Black family holiday home. Maybe they could even get married on the beach with the sand between their toes. The image of them dancing as the water flowed over their feet flickered in his mind. He dared himself to think about little black haired and redheaded children running along the shore. The thing Harry wanted most in life was to have a family. He wanted more Potters in the world, to not be the only one with the last name anymore. He wanted that family with Ginny. He was positive of it.
Swallowing, Harry looked down at the sand. Dreams were dangerous. Harry knew that better than anyone. Harry had hoped and wished for things that never came to fruition. Or it took fifteen years just to get the one thing he wanted in life. Good things rarely happened to Harry. With a deadly prophecy hanging over his head and a psychopath wanting to kill him, he didn't see how he could survive. He wasn't nearly as powerful as Voldemort. He wasn't stupid. Even with all the training, Harry didn't think he could best Voldemort in a duel yet. In fact, Harry wasn't sure of anyone who could except for Dumbledore.
Someone sat down next to him, their shoulders bumping against each other. Harry turned to see his father. James lounged next to him, his gaze focusing on the water. When someone else sat on the other side of him, Harry felt his heart ache. He turned slowly to have his suspicion confirmed. His mother sat next to him, her long auburn hair pulled back in a loose plait.
"This is beautiful," Lily commented, a soft smile gracing her face. "I never had the opportunity to go to a beach."
Harry nodded, his gaze falling back to the sand. "Yeah, the first time I went was with Sirius this past summer."
Lily smiled knowingly. "I grew up poor," she elaborated. "A holiday when I was a kid was going to the next town over for the weekend. Not like your father."
Harry dared a glance over at his dad to see him smiling up at the sun, his elbows propped up in the sand.
"Mum and Dad liked to travel. We went everywhere and anywhere," James explained, his head turning to catch Harry's eye. "I was so excited to travel with you and your mum. I wanted to show you everything I ever saw. I wanted to smuggle you a magic carpet from Egypt."
Lily sighed. "James."
James only grinned wider. "So, we could have matching ones. There's one buried in the attic of Godric's Hollow. I promised Dad I destroyed it, but it's still there. Highly illegal so be sure not to get caught."
Lily sighed heavily.
Harry felt the corner of his mouth twitch up into a lopsided smile. "Good thing I have your Invisibility Cloak."
James burst out laughing. Lily couldn't contain her amusement even if she didn't approve of the law breaking. The ache in Harry's chest only intensified.
"Maybe you could take your girlfriend for a fly," James suggested. "I think she'd entertain the idea more than your mum."
Harry couldn't help but picture him and Ginny flying on some magical carpet like that silly carton that Petunia had somehow wrangled Dudley into watching with her the summer before his third year. Harry hadn't really paid attention as he passed the parlor to put on his shoes so he could weed the garden. He remembered seeing the couple riding the magic carpet and wondering if they really existed.
"Ginny definitely would," Harry agreed. "She loves flying."
"She seems very nice," Lily commented as she brushed some sand off her dress. "Sirius approves too, in case you didn't know. She's been taking food to him in the infirmary because he's refused to leave your side."
Harry's insides warmed at that bit of information. Ginny had obviously learned from her mother to ensure everyone was fed. While Ginny would probably scoff and deny she was anything like her mother, Harry didn't think it was the worst thing in the world. He could picture the two of them cooking big meals together for their family. There'd always be treacle tart. Too many chairs stuffed around the table so elbows knocked together. Endless laughter. Suddenly, the ache in his chest became excruciatingly painful. He wanted it. He wanted it more than anything as he pictured Sirius, Marlene, all of the Weasleys, Cepheus, the Tonkses, and all of Ginny's friends stuffed around the table with them.
"She's a damn fine Chaser," James commented, interrupting Harry's daydream. "I can see why you like her so much."
"There's no one else I'd want to be with," Harry admitted as he picked at a nonexistent piece of lint from his trousers. "I feel like she understands me better than I even understand myself."
It was true. Ginny seemed to understand his plights in a way that Ron never had. That made it easier to spill his deepest fears and talk about his dreaded feelings.
"She was touched with an awful darkness at a young age," James explained as he sat up, his hands brushing together to rid them of sand. "She knows how you feel even if your experiences were different. They were similar enough that she can sympathize with you in a way no one else can. I feel like we're often drawn to people who can understand one another."
"You and mum?" Harry asked, wanting to know more about why they were together.
Lily laughed out a soft melody. "James and I have very similar morals. A strong sense of justice and doing the right thing. James knew about the Order of the Phoenix through his parents. He wanted to join the moment he left Hogwarts. I knew I wanted to fight too. I needed to ensure a better future for the generations to come. So did James. I also think we like to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt, even if we shouldn't."
"We both despise the dark arts," James added while nodding in agreement. "It disturbed me how at ease Sirius was with dark magic. He wasn't really phased or bothered by any of it. He'd use dark magic if he thought it could be a benefit to him. I think that was the only thing we ever fought about. I remember him arguing with me to place blood wards around the Hollow once you were born. I hated the thought of it."
Harry didn't know where he stood on the matter. A few years ago, he would have sided vehemently with his father. Except Harry had seen a lot. He had been through a lot. Training with the Aurors made him realize that Voldemort and his Death Eaters would go for the kill in an instant. It was kill or be killed. While Harry didn't know how he'd stomach actually killing someone, he knew it was only a matter of time before he did. It was bad enough watching Quirrell burn under his touch at eleven, knowing that he had died from the burns.
"I have to kill Voldemort," Harry whispered, his heart thrashing in his chest. "It's what I'm being trained to do."
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Lily insisted, her hand brushing against his back. "Once the Horcruxes are destroyed, anyone can kill him."
"That's not what the prophecy says," Harry argued, his body tensing.
"Harry…" Lily trailed off.
Harry looked over at his mother. "It's not like I can just… leave," he explained, his brows pinching. "I think he'd hunt me down no matter where I am. He believes I'm a threat. It's why Sirius is training me as hard as he is. I can't escape it."
Lily didn't say anything. Nor did James. They sat in silence as they watched the water. A figure moved out of the corner of Harry's eye. He glanced over to see his grandmother making her way towards them with a warm smile on her face. Harry looked around for his grandfather but didn't see him.
"Hey, Mum," James greeted, his gaze flickering up to her. "Where's Dad?"
"With Sirius," Euphemia replied, standing in front of them. "He's started on the potion. Fleamont is making sure it's being brewed correctly."
Harry let out a breath. "So, Sirius is all right?"
When Sirius had suddenly disappeared, Harry had hoped he had just woken up. But he couldn't deny the small bout of doubt and worry that had consumed him. While Harry didn't know how long the potion would take to brew or start to work, the thought of finally waking up thrilled him more than he could say. He wanted to see Ginny and Ron again. He wanted to assure Cepheus that he didn't blame him for anything that happened. He wanted Sirius to give him one of his bone-crushing hugs. He wanted to hear Marlene call him love. He wanted Andromeda and Ted to fret over him. He just wanted his family.
"Well, I suppose we don't have a lot of time left," James said in a thick voice as he turned to look at Harry. "If you have any questions, you may want to ask them now."
All Harry could think about was that he was a complete and utter berk. He was with his family. The family who gave their lives so he could live. It seemed cruel to want to leave them in favor of a new family. So, Harry's mind was just a blank void. His entire life he had so many questions but no answers. Now that he had the opportunity, he didn't know what to ask because he felt the guilt raising in his chest. James must have read the panic on his face because he reached out a hand to grip his shoulder. The effect was instantly calming. Harry let out a small huff of breath.
"What's your favorite color?" Harry asked, his arms wrapping around his knees that were drawn close to his chest.
A wide grin spread across James' face. "Yellow. It's so cheerful. Yellow just makes people happy."
"Plum," Lily added, her fingers brushing through Harry's hair. "I think it's just gorgeous. I like wearing plum. I think it compliments me."
Harry couldn't keep the soft smile off his lips. "Favorite food?"
"Fish and chips, definitely," Lily replied.
"Anything sweet," James added. "You get your sweet tooth from me. I bloody well love treacle tart."
Even though he knew these were questions he could have had answered once he woke up, there was something special about hearing it from his parents' lips. Just ordinary, everyday things. Things that he should have learned years ago. Harry could go on forever, learning about the most mundane things about his parents. The questions rolled off his tongue with ease now, the guilt long gone from his body. They were all his family, and he needed to seize this rare opportunity before it was too late.
Sirius stared at simmering green potion in his cauldron. His anxiety hadn't been this bad since Harry had disappeared from the maze during the Triwizard Tournament. Letting out a low breath, he waited to drop in Fluffernoodle's sloughed skin into the cauldron. Snape hadn't said anything, choosing to scowl at the wall since there was no need to instruct Sirius as it simmered. Fluffernoodle laid hidden around the back of his neck.
The antidote hadn't been as complicated as he anticipated it to be. It was rather easy to follow Snape's instructions. Luckily, Marlene had been there the entire time to keep the peace between them. Despite having called Andromeda to be there as well, Dumbledore asked her to take over Marlene's morning classes for her. Meanwhile, Dumbledore was to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts for Snape.
Fluffernoodle hit his head against Sirius' neck. Once. Twice. Three times. Ominis Gaunt's words floated to the forefront of his mind. His snake would know when to add the sloughed skin. Without thinking, Sirius reached his hand over the cauldron and dropped the sloughed skin he had been holding for the better part of a half hour into the simmering potion. Sirius closed his eyes, feeling completely at ease with the decision.
"What are you doing?" Snape hissed. "You still had ten minutes before you should have put that in!"
"No, it was the right time," Sirius replied as Fluffernoodle laid his head back down.
Marlene shot him a look, but Sirius ignored it as he watched the sloughed skin dissolve in the green potion. There was something mesmerizing about it.
"Does your arrogance know no bounds?" Snape seethed.
"How much longer until we can give it to Harry?" Sirius inquired, ignoring Snape's jab.
"Depends on how much longer you want him to live," Snape snapped back.
Sirius looked up, his eyes squinting across the cauldron at Snape. "If you think me reckless with my godson's safety–"
"I certainly do!" Snape interrupted in a too loud voice. "You and Potter always thought you were so clever."
Sirius chuckled. "I think our N.E.W.T. results certainly proved we were. Would you like me to show you a copy?"
Snape only sneered. He clearly was not amused.
"I'm not a moron like you think I am," Sirius retorted, his head cocking to the side. "I've been studying Ominis Gaunt and his technique of brewing potions for a while now. I don't jump head first into something I know nothing about. I research the fuck out of it until I know I'm competent. I'm not arrogant enough that I refuse help. I followed your instructions to the bloody letter."
"How quaint," Snape said in a slow drawl.
Sirius didn't even know why he fucking tried. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers, he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. The potion had taken far longer than Sirius liked. He wanted – no, needed to know if Harry was all right. Sirius could only hope that Voldemort wasn't able to get to Harry, wherever Fluffernoodle had taken him. He was very acutely aware that Voldemort would blame Sirius for whatever had happened. Another thing to add in the column of things Sirius did to piss him off. Somehow, that oddly pleased Sirius. The more things he could add, the better.
The potion seemed to simmer forever, taking far too long to take off the heat. Then the cooling process was even worse, knowing that they were so close to administering the antidote and waking Harry up. He was confident that he had brewed it correctly, since he was fairly certain Fleamont would have tried to communicate with him if he hadn't.
By lunchtime, the potion was ready. Just over five hours of work. Sirius tried to keep his hands steady as he ladled the potion into the goblet. The potion seemed to swirl on its own as different shades of green emerged.
The walk to the infirmary was never-ending. Sirius walked carefully with the potion, which had ceased swirling and looked almost scaly on top. When they entered the infirmary, Sirius caught sight of Ginny and Ron still sitting by Harry's bedside. Ginny jumped up from her spot immediately upon seeing the goblet. Ron followed suit, his arm wrapping around Ginny's shoulders and tugging her close to his chest.
Sirius glanced over at Marlene. "How do I get him to drink it?"
Marlene rounded the bed. She slipped her hand underneath Harry's neck and lifted it up. Harry's head lolled back at an odd angle. With her free hand, she tugged her wand from her pocket and pressed the tip against his throat.
"Go slow," Marlene instructed.
Sirius' heart hammered in his chest as he moved the goblet to Harry's lips. Painfully slow, Sirius poured the liquid into his mouth until the contents were completely gone as Marlene ensured that he swallowed. He pulled back, the goblet clutched in his hand as he held his breath. Marlene laid his head back onto his pillow. The seconds dragged on as Sirius stared at Harry's face, willing for his eyes to flutter. But nothing happened. Sirius wanted to pitch the goblet across the bloody room. Had he done it wrong?
"His hand!" Ginny exclaimed.
Sirius snapped his attention to his godson's hand. His fingers twitched. Sirius gripped Harry's hand in his own, giving the kid a squeeze. Bending down, Sirius pressed his free hand against Harry's cheek. His thumb brushed along the kid's cheekbone.
"Hey, kid, can you hear me?" Sirius croaked in a desperate tone. "Come on, just open your eyes."
Harry groaned in response. It was one of the most magical sounds Sirius had ever heard. A choked sob sounded in the back of his throat that he tried to push down. Harry's eyes fluttered, yet not opening fully.
"Dad," Harry croaked.
Sirius' gut coiled. "It's Sirius," he said with a sniff. "It's me, Sirius. Can you open your eyes, Harry?"
Harry groaned again, his head turning. Finally, Sirius could see Harry's green eyes. They were unfocused but open nonetheless. Sirius let out a long breath, his chin dropping to his chest. A heavy weight lifted off his shoulders as he gave Harry's hand another squeeze.
"You're all right," Sirius said in a hoarse voice. "You're home."
Harry blinked at him before his eyes roamed around the room. A hum sounded in the back of his throat as his eyes slid closed.
"Harry?" Sirius pressed. "Come on, let's sit up a bit, yeah?"
The last thing Sirius wanted was for him to slip back through the cracks. Was that even possible?
"He'll be exhausted for the next couple of days," Marlene supplied, her hand reaching out to brush Harry's hair off his forehead. "It's a side effect of the potions."
Sirius looked up at Marlene. "Is his mind vulnerable?"
"I don't know," Marlene replied in a soft voice, shrugging.
Sirius swallowed. He rubbed his knuckles against Harry's cheek to rouse him again. Harry's eyes squinted up at Sirius.
"Come on, kid, up you go," Sirius said, helping Harry up into a seated position.
The kid made sounds of protests in the back of his throat, but he sat up nonetheless. He slumped against the headboard, his tired eyes looking around the room. His gaze locked on Ginny and a soft smile crossed his face.
"Gin," he whispered. "Ron."
Ginny darted forward. Sirius stepped back to allow her to see him. She sank down onto the mattress, both of her hands encasing around his with a watery smile on her face. Ron stepped up as well, resting his hands on Ginny's shoulders as he loomed behind her.
"Welcome to the land of the awake," Ron greeted, a frown crossing his face. "Land of the dreamless? Land of the living sounds too morbid. What would you bloody well call it?"
Harry let out a small chuckle, his eyes sliding closed. "Land of the not sleeping," he suggested.
"Land of the two morons," Ginny said with a smirk.
"Oi!" Ron shouted, throwing his hands up. "You're up for two minutes and she's calling you a moron! Honestly, how do you put up with her?"
Harry gave a very small shrug. "She's not wrong."
Sirius smiled at the bickering before he looked across the bed at Marlene. He gestured with his head for Marlene to talk to him in private. She nodded in understanding. They both stepped out of earshot of the kids. Sirius stuffed his hands into his pockets, positioning himself so he could see Harry the entire time. His eyes flickered to Marlene's face.
"I think I'm going to take him home to the Seifton house for the rest of the week and the weekend," Sirius explained. "Bring him back on Monday for classes. You're more than welcome to stay as well."
Marlene crossed her arms over her chest. "All right."
Sirius searched her face. "Is there something wrong?"
Marlene sucked in a breath. "I'm just trying to wrap my brain around everything that's happened."
Sirius nodded. "I've stopped trying to wrap my brain around things. None of it makes sense. It never did."
Marlene raised her eyebrows. "Well, aren't you just a ray of sunshine?"
Sirius offered her a half-hearted smile. "I'm the goblet half empty to your goblet half full."
Marlene laughed as her fingers wrapped around his wrist. "Look at us. Perfect for one another."
Sirius wanted to negate everything he said before about them not being together because he couldn't bear to lose her. He wanted her to be by his side, helping him protect Harry. Was he a fool to try not to fully commit to her until after the war? Honestly, Sirius didn't really know. His gaze flickered to where Harry sat slumped in his hospital bed. Harry needed him more than Sirius needed a companion. Wasn't that what parenthood was supposed to be about anyway? Sacrifice? He had to ensure that Harry had a better life than he had. Letting the kid down wasn't an option.
"I accept your invitation, by the way," Marlene whispered.
Sirius snapped his attention down to her. "Marly…"
Marlene shook her head. "Don't."
"You didn't even know what I was going to say," Sirius reasoned, his eyebrows raising.
Marlene smiled softly. "Maybe. But I like to think I still know you."
Sirius' stomach clenched. "I was going to say that…" he trailed off, sighing because he didn't know how to put his feelings into words. "I'm trying really hard to be the person you once knew. But it's hard because I don't like him. I don't like me now either. I don't know what to do about that except to just focus on Harry."
"I like you," Marlene whispered. "I wished you liked yourself, because he's a pretty great person. Old you and new you."
Sirius looked down at the floor, his gaze focusing on Marlene's toes that peeked out from her heels. "I think Azkaban is cruel," he whispered, his eyes squinting at the white tips of her toenail polish. "You don't ever leave there, Marly. Not really. It clings to you, the cold and the depression. Like a bloody leech. When I first escaped, I couldn't sleep. All I felt was the cold slithering across my skin. And, and I kept waiting for the feel of the Dementors. They didn't have to even touch you to make you feel like they were. I still have problems sleeping. I hate sleeping, because I find myself back there more often than not. I think Azkaban took everything I liked about myself and just left me with the parts that I hate," he explained, his hand wiping down his face. "I wouldn't wish Azkaban on my worst enemy," he croaked, his gaze flickering up to Marlene. "I'd rather show them mercy in death then put them in that pit to slowly rot."
Marlene's chest heaved, tears brimming her eyes. "Sirius…" she choked out.
"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered, feeling downright mentally exhausted. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"I'm glad you did," Marlene insisted, her fingers wrapping around his bicep. "You'll get back all the pieces that Azkaban took from you. I promise you, Sirius."
A lump so large congealed in his throat that he couldn't even speak. He was spared having to say anything to Marlene when Ginny called him over to them. With a sniff, he sorted his expression before he walked over to them. Harry sat barely awake, still slumped against the headboard.
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, his eyes searching Harry's face.
"Harry had a question for you," Ginny replied.
Sirius wiped his fingers underneath his nose. "What's your question, kid?"
Harry blinked a few times, trying to keep his eyes open wide as he glanced up at Sirius. "What's your favorite color?"
Sirius let out a huff. "Excuse me?"
"Your favorite color," Harry repeated himself. "You've never told me."
Sirius wondered briefly about the odd question but decided it didn't really matter. It's not like a favorite color was some deep dark meaningful secret or anything. Sirius looked into his godson's warm green eyes and instantly felt a calmness wash over him. Crossing his arms over his chest, Sirius shrugged.
"Ginny's is green," Harry supplied, his eyes sliding shut. "Ron likes orange. I like red."
"Black, I suppose," Sirius said.
Harry rolled his eyes. "No, like a real color. Not how you dress."
Sirius shot Harry a deadpan look. "As enlightening as this conversation is, I think Harry should get some rest. It's taking everything he has in him not to fall asleep while speaking."
Ginny hesitated for a moment before she bent forward and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips. Her forehead rested against his for several seconds before she pulled away. When she stood up, she turned immediately to Sirius, her chin tilted all the back to look up at him. He opened his arms and she accepted the hug, her ear pressing against his chest.
"I'll see you, mate," Ron said, clapping a hand gently on the side of Harry's face.
Harry swatted at his hand. "Stop."
"You didn't let me pinch your cheek though," Ron whined.
"I'm not your child," Harry retorted.
Ron chuckled. "Then maybe you need to stop winding up in the infirmary where I have to keep vigil at your bedside like a bloody mother hen."
Harry sighed though the corners of his lips twitched. Ron clapped Sirius on the arm before he followed Ginny out of the infirmary. Sirius sat down in the vacant seat next to Harry's bed. Marlene's heels clicked on the stone floor as she joined Sirius by their godson's bedside.
Harry glanced over at Marlene on Sirius' right. "Favorite color, Marly."
"Blue," Marlene replied. "Tranquil. Serene. Calm."
"Sirius said black," Harry supplied.
Sirius couldn't help but roll his eyes.
"Nah, I'd say it's green," Marlene said as she took a seat by Harry's feet, her fingers wrapping around his ankle over the blanket. "He has a green toothbrush."
Harry smiled, his gaze dragging over to Sirius. "Why'd you say black if it's really green?"
"Just because I have a green toothbrush doesn't mean that's my favorite color," Sirius argued. "Now, enough color analysis. Why don't you rest? You look half dead."
Harry's face sobered. "I don't want to slip through the cracks again," he said in a small voice, sounding younger than he was.
Sirius leaned forward, his elbows propping up on the mattress. He gripped Harry's hand between his before pressing them against his chin.
"I don't think you will," Sirius whispered. "But if you do, I'll drag you out of there, all right?"
Harry swallowed visibly, his eyes drooping closed. "Mmm, I trust you, Sirius."
Sirius' chest expanded. "I want you to come home with me until the effects of the potions wear off."
"Okay," Harry replied, his eyes fluttering open.
Sirius offered Harry a closed-mouth smile. The kid only closed his eyes in response. Letting out a long shaky breath, Sirius couldn't help but stare at his godson. All he wanted to do was get the kid home so he could fully relax.
Harry woke up feeling exhausted and disoriented. He half expected to be in the odd little cottage surrounded by discolored trees. Much to his relief, he was in his bedroom in Seifton. He only vaguely remembered Sirius Apparating them when he was half-asleep. As soon as they arrived, he had gone to bed because he couldn't keep his eyes open. Harry reached out a hand for his glasses so he could see the time. It was two in the afternoon. Harry had slept a good seventeen hours. Pushing himself up into a seated position, Harry could hear muffled voices coming from downstairs. He couldn't help but wonder who his godfather was speaking to.
After grabbing a hooded sweatshirt and using the loo, Harry made his way towards the stairs. The voices grew louder and Harry bent down to see Dumbledore standing with Sirius in the parlor. He paused on the stairs, straining his ears to hear the conversation. He crouched low, trying to hide.
"I understand your frustration, Sirius," Dumbledore said. "But I implore you to think what could happen if I expel these boys. They would be headed straight into the welcoming arms of their families who are deeply entrenched with Lord Voldemort. You know as well as I do, that Lord Voldemort would put them straight to work. The results could be disastrous. Blood would be on their hands before long."
"This may come as a surprise to you, but I don't care about anything else except for my godson's safety," Sirius replied in a dry tone. "So, you're not really pulling at my heartstrings."
"I believe you were once forgiven and permitted to stay at Hogwarts after a particularly cruel prank that could have had catastrophic results," Dumbledore replied. "Fleamont fought for you to stay in school, much to Lyall's dismay."
Sirius scoffed. "I wasn't a fucking Death Eater," he sneered. "Besides, let's not fool ourselves in thinking Snape was completely clueless as to what he was going to find. It's not my problem his own stupidity nearly got him killed."
Dumbledore sighed heavily.
"Malfoy and Nott have taken the Mark," Sirius continued. "They're working on figuring out a way to allow Death Eaters to infiltrate the school. They attacked my nephew. Then they tried to kill my godson. How many bloody chances are you going to give them before you give them the bloody boot?"
"They have not killed yet, Sirius," Dumbledore reasoned, his voice insistent. "Their souls have not yet been tainted. They can still be saved from going down a path of immense darkness."
Sirius chuckled. Harry peered around the wall to see his godfather shaking his head, his face sliding into a stoic mask.
"I guess you think my soul is tainted then," Sirius said, his arms crossing over his chest.
Dumbledore didn't reply. Sirius' eyes drifted beyond Dumbledore and locked with Harry's on the stairs. Harry froze, sucking in a breath as he rose to his full height and made his way down the stairs. Dumbledore turned around as the stairs creaked.
"Harry, I trust you are feeling better?" Dumbledore greeted him when he entered the parlor.
Harry made his way over to stand next to Sirius. "Yes, sir. Just a bit drowsy."
Dumbledore nodded. "Ah, yes, the fatigue will linger for a few days as the draught fully leaves your system. Sirius has informed me that you won't be back to school until Monday. I will ensure Professor McGonagall gathers your assignments for you."
"Thank you, professor," Harry said politely.
Dumbledore turned to look at Sirius. "I hope you will come to understand my reasoning. I am taking this matter seriously and working on ensuring there are more safeguards in place so this doesn't happen again."
"Right," Sirius replied, his head nodding.
"I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye, Sirius," Dumbledore continued. "But I would not purposefully put any student in harm's way."
Sirius didn't say anything. At the silence, Dumbledore bid one final farewell before he showed himself out of the house. Sirius collapsed into the armchair, his fingers rubbing along his forehead. Harry eased down onto the sofa across from him, his hands clasping together between his knees.
"You all right, kid?" Sirius asked, his exhausted face turning to look at Harry.
It was odd being home. He half expected Voldemort to crop up from behind the sofa or something. It also felt like there were eyes on him, like James and Lily were still lingering around even though he couldn't see them. That was ridiculous because he wasn't a Gaunt. He couldn't see the dead.
"Yeah," Harry replied before he yawned. "Just weird being back."
Sirius observed him. "I'm sorry you didn't get more time with James and Lily."
Harry shook his head. "It's not that. I'm happy to be home. I missed being home. I think a couple of years ago, I wouldn't want to leave. But I missed my life here."
Sirius only nodded, his eyes searching Harry's face as though he were trying to catch him in a lie.
"It was odd there," Harry continued with a shrug. "I didn't sleep the entire time I was there. But maybe that's because I was sleeping in real life? I don't know."
Harry was rambling. He knew that. His mind seemed scattered and disjointed. Harry didn't know if that was a side effect from the potions or if his body was still adjusting to being back to the land of the living.
"I didn't enjoy it like I should have," Harry said lamely. "I kept thinking about you and Ginny and Ron."
"You shouldn't feel bad about that," Sirius reasoned. "It's what you've known for years."
Harry couldn't shake the guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach. "I could have asked them anything. I could have asked for stories or, or anything. Instead, I asked what their favorite color was."
Sirius frowned. "Is that why you asked us in the infirmary?"
Harry glanced down at his hands. "I realized I didn't know those things about you guys. But I figured I should know those things about people. I should know simple things about people like their favorite color or favorite food. But I don't. I never asked," he sighed, his jaw clenching. "Well, I could have maybe guessed Ron's."
Harry looked up to see Sirius staring at him with an odd expression on his face. He couldn't help but squirm, trying to decipher what Sirius was thinking.
"Marlene's right," Sirius said in a soft tone. "My favorite color isn't black. It's just what I tell people, because… because I don't know. I always liked green. Not the harsh Slytherin green or anything. But a soft green. A green like your eyes. But I've convinced myself that green is a color I'm supposed to hate because of my family. Which is so childish and stupid, but I think I just wanted to disassociate myself from anything having to do with the Black family."
"I figured," Harry said with a grin. "I've seen your green toothbrush."
Sirius rolled his eyes, though a smile played on his lips. "I don't think I've ever heard the correlation between favorite colors and toothbrushes."
"I have a red toothbrush," Harry pointed out. "Though, it's not the specific shade I like. I like a warm fire red. Not exactly harsh Gryffindor red."
"Red like a certain redhead's hair?" Sirius teased.
Harry shook his head. "No. Ginny's hair is more orange with red and golds in it. It's probably my second favorite color."
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh, his face looking years younger for a few moments.
"Dad said his was yellow and Mum's was plum," Harry explained. "Did their toothbrushes match?"
Sirius squinted. "Yeah, I think I've seen James with a yellow toothbrush before. I'm not sure about Lily though. You can ask Marlene. She may remember."
Harry leaned back on the sofa, his head lolling back against the sofa cushion. He had only been up no more than a half hour and he was already exhausted again.
"Is Cepheus coming home for the weekend?" Harry asked, hoping he could catch a second wind. "I should ask him his favorite color. I bet he likes something bright. He's a cheerful person."
Sirius frowned. "I didn't ask Cepheus about the weekend. Why don't you call him on the mirror. If he wants to come home, I'll grab him on Friday after class."
Harry stared at his godfather. "What did he say when you told him you were bringing me home yesterday?"
Sirius licked his bottom lip. "I didn't," he admitted with a wince. "I sort of… forgot."
"Sirius…" Harry trailed off. "You can't do that. He's a part of our family now."
"I know," Sirius replied softly. "I know. I just… I've been worried about you."
"Go call him," Harry insisted. "You should be the one to check up on him and invite him home. It should come from you."
Sirius sighed, his head nodding. He pushed himself out of the chair and rounded the coffee table. He grabbed an Afghan off the back of the sofa and laid it over Harry.
"You look like you're about ready to doze off again," Sirius commented.
Harry shrugged. "I hate this."
Sirius pressed his hand against the side of Harry's neck. "You'll get there. It's a dreadful potion. The effects linger for a while."
"I just woke up," Harry complained, his eyes sliding shut.
Harry felt Sirius tucking the blanket underneath his chin. He was too tired to tell him to stop as he sunk deeper against the cushions. His eyes flickered open just in time to see Sirius pulling the mirror from his back pocket as he left the room. Harry closed his eyes one last time and was out in seconds.
Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Don't forget to drop a review. They motivate me to keep writing!
Special thanks to prewettpotter for looking this over for me. Special thanks to justalittleconfusing for all her colorful help.