Tch. This tea tastes like shit, Levi thought. But of all that the Rumbling destroyed, tea still existed, just the small things made each day get better. Three years on, and the remnants of the Alliance were traveling by ship to their island of Paradis, their former home to negotiate peace on behalf of Marley, led by Armin, that kid with the same blue eyes as Erwin. He was staying in Onyonkopon's homeland, where he and many other Eldian survivors from the Fort were taken in.
He wondered if Mikasa would be there to greet them. She just left after Eren died with his head in tow those years ago. Poor kid could never let go of her love for him. He sighed at the memory of Eren. Why the hell had he not taken his own word about how dangerous he was until it was too late?
What pushed them on- not just those brats in the 104th- but all of his comrades- Hange and Erwin especially- to put their faith in him to save "humanity"? The island of Paradis really was just like a tottering child to the rest of the world that they didn't know existed. It was like the first time he left the Underground to see the sunlight. There was more to life than the dark streets and mugging men twice your size and three times your age.
All that godlike power to prove your way to the top. Kenny, you goddamn bastard. What was the point of all he did? All he ended up doing was putting some man to death. He wasn't a beast; he was Eren's brother. Was his solution the best one to go with? Hange didn't think so, but that wasn't Levi's place to judge. After all, it was Erwin's choice to go with her.
Levi shifted position in his armchair. HIs apartment really needed cleaning, damn it. Why had he fallen this far? Dust on the windowsill? It was once a health concern, now it was just… dust. Just the little things. There were bigger concerns in the world now, the big, big forest to get the next generations out of.
That's what that brat Gabi told him on one of her many weekly visits about the time the father of his comrade Sasha Braus defended her even though she killed Sasha in cold blood. At least that brat, feisty and temperamental as she was, got some sense knocked into her- or maybe Falco on her behalf- before she turned out like Eren. But maybe Eren was the true beast all along, always ready to kill.
No, you piece of shit, Levi thought to himself. Don't do what you did with Zeke. Was it just in Eren's nature to kill and kill until he got what he wanted? Should he have done something differently to stop Eren? When did the path Eren took to do the Rumbling start? He leaned his head back and remembered the night of the banquet.
Historia had wished for him to personally escort her and her special man in her life, her childhood bully of all people, back to her quarters. Hange relieved him of his guard duty of Yelena. He had always been happy to help Historia since establishing the Orphanage years ago. Their companionship had grown strong, almost as the Ackermans had been close servants to the royal family all those years ago. She had grown into a strong young woman despite the way he had treated her when he forced her into the role of Queen.
That brat had long since accepted his apology by way of punching, and he remembered fondly those conversations he had with her when she sometimes invited him for tea in the parlor. She knew he too had been forced to join the military under duress and was pushed to be the hero for "humanity". She wasn't a goddess like her classmates thought her to be but just a normal girl. And that normal girl was almost made to turn into a Titan; if only Eren had not burst out in the courtroom…. He and Hange wanted to do everything they could to prevent the treaty from Hizuru to be carried out.
It was only for the sake of humanity. We didn't know the real picture. She had to become Queen or "humanity" would never learn the truth. Tch. Truth hit "humanity" like a flying boulder.
Levi stood up, grasping his walking stick. His leg never fully healed. In the days after the Rumbling, Annie's father had made sure that the Alliance was treated properly medically. Whatever happened to turn back the Eldians to human beings, his healing abilities seemed to turn off too. They traveled many days to the least damaged of Marleyan cities to seek medical care. He had been subject to medical treatments not heard of on Paradis, which even gave him some fear for how dangerous they looked and sounded. But at least they saved his leg and fixed his internal organ damage.
As he hobbled to the kitchen sink, he recalled the day that he truly fell because of his drive to kill Zeke. He never saw outside the Forest. He knew at the time that since their negotiations from their first Marley trip failed and Historia and her man were with child all of a sudden, the priority to save Historia and her child was top. Hell, he lied about her due date just to stop their premature deaths and thought that it was a good solution to strike back without any strategy or means to do it. It was a shitty plan, but how could he let a child die like that to a young mother who was already in a terrible political mess because of her royal blood- a situation he contributed to? Besides, he had his chance to fulfill his vow to Erwin then and there. She wouldn't have to eat the Beast- no, shit, Zeke. How selfish had he been?
But what did he get out of this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He had no true feeling of fulfillment that day he killed Zeke after most of the world was trampled upon. What had he dedicated his heart to? At least the last portions of humanity didn't die. True humanity, not just those on their little island with giant ass trees.
He turned on the water to rinse out his cup tenderly. He had gotten good with his left hand after losing two fingers on his right hand. At least he could still wipe his ass. Too bad he couldn't do a lot else. He was thinking one of these days if he could start a job that didn't involve killing Titans or people, now the same thing in his mind, at a local tea shop. He could wash dishes or clean tables. Or maybe since those brats Gabi and Falco were grown up now, he could see if there were any other brats around to watch. There had to be orphaned children left over from the Rumbling.
The day he helped Historia set up the Orphanage on Paradis was a high point in his life. He remembered how she didn't even have a loving mother in her terrible situation growing up. No brat deserved to be without a warm bed or food for their belly. He felt like a poor starving brat again some days. The Grice and Braun families along with Onyonkopon constantly took care of him after his various surgeries to fix his broken body with what limited food that they had and helped him at his apartment and took him to and from doctors who tried to help his muscles recover. Falco and Gabi were fortunate that their parents didn't have to be killed by any of the Warriors when the centipede gassed them. They had somebody to go back to, and thanks to him fighting along with them when Falco could fly, they had great, feel good stories about how the Ackerman who frightened them after they were taken captive in the Liberio raid was actually impressive because of how he helped Gabi save Armin from the Okapi Titan.
Those feel good stories made him shake his head. He thought these brats got it in them from the campfire argument that war was wrong and that even though they saved the world, it didn't necessarily make them heroes. At least on their visits, they spent time discussing the world as it was now, and they learned from each other what it was like growing up on Paradis and the Underground and in the Internment Zone. What were the brats at the Orphanage learning now? Did Hange sacrifice her time and life as a commander for Historia to rise above all the world as the Queen? The same Historia who had a child who would be about three years old now, celebrating its birthday with expensive ass shit as presents that would be wrecked soon while living a life of luxury while other children were to live under a frightening new regime that everybody had no choice but to be forced into. Did Hange put her life on the line for that, and himself?
Maybe Eren had wiped her memory at one point like he had the others, but was listening to the Jaegerists the right thing to do? If his body were not so weak now, he wanted to slap her, grab her like he did those years ago to put some sense into her but also choke the shit out of himself for putting her in this position in the first place. Shit, your shit for brains is running you in circles again. We got where we are now. We can't regret this. We killed all Titans for good.
Levi looked at the clock as it chimed three times. And just like that, a knock on the door. School had let out half an hour ago.
"Mr. Levi?" Falco's soft voice asked. "Are you there? Can Gabi and I come in?"
Levi walked to the door, cane in hand. I should install a cat door for these two at this rate. He opened the door.
"Oi, brats. Here for some milk and biscuits? Or did Onyonkopon send you to give me more shit tasting tea in exchange for helping you with your schoolwork?
Gabi laughed. "Oh, Levi! Why do you island devils complain about everything? We're just here to say that Armin and the others arrived safely on Paradis since we know you don't like to use that radio Onyonkopon gave to you."
Levi rolled his one eye. He was such an old geezer already. Radios made too much noise. So did the cars outside, the carriages that did not need carrots of hay to keep going. He missed his steed he lost years ago, but there were upsides to cars. They didn't shit everywhere at least. He smiled slightly.
"Thanks, you two. You can come in if you want or just stand there like statues." The two entered the small apartment. He didn't have many objects; he just kept a few pieces of furniture for the guests he had constantly so they could sit down. He grimaced as his leg cramped up. He noticed that Falco had a bag with some heavy object in it.
"Mr. Levi? Our class was just on a field trip to one of the disaster sites that is being excavated so we can remember what life was like before the Rumbling. We got to see what was being dug up and we saw lots of things. And, uh, we saw that there were a lot of books being dug up from a library's basement archives that weren't destroyed since they were underground, and-"
Levi tapped his remaining fingers on the counter as he fumbled for the biscuit container. "Come on, what are you saying?"
"We found a book from the Titan Research Society!" Gabi exclaimed excitedly. "It's a bit damaged but it's all about the Ackerman clan! We begged and pleaded for it since you were one of the Alliance members who stopped the Rumbling! You need it so you can learn about your family history!"
Levi paused and looked at them. What had he told them about using their medals for gaining favors? "Oi, you guys need to stop using our status of being Alliance members to get away with these things. The world is far from peace. Titans may be gone, but humans are still neck to neck. On Paradis, I'm not a damn hero in the eyes of most people. It's still not enough until the rest of the world bleeds its entrails out its ass."
Falco shrunk back on the sofa. "I- I'm sorry, Mr. Levi. We just thought that since you lost your family when you were little you might want to learn more. And if you have children you can tell them about your clan."
Levi looked down. If you have children. With his miserable state and complexion, how would he find a woman who found him attractive enough to love him? And what would he say to her? That he was the most feared and revered soldier on Paradis who slaughtered hundreds of humans? Why did he ever not talk to Petra when things were simpler?
"Tch. You can put it on the shelf. I'll look at it after I clean it up." He placed several biscuits on the tiny plates he kept. At least they were considerate.
Gabi grabbed the bag out of Falco's hands and skimmed through the pages. When they first arrived in Onyonkopon's land, after negotiations for immunity went through, one of the only things the brats had to do before any type of schooling resumed was to visit the library that stood amidst the destruction. Whatever Warrior training they went through, they were not allowed to have any fun or read anything other than propaganda that drove them to self-hatred for the past of the Eldians. Reading books opened them to want to learn everything. To Gabi, the "island devils" were only people whom she cared for and called devils with affection, no longer Eldians who followed the King years ago who were blamed for everything in the world. If only the schoolchildren on Paradis were now learning the same but about those outside the island.
"So, how did you know that day that Ackermans couldn't become Titans even if you inhaled the gas?" Gabi asked, munching on a biscuit and spreading crumbs all over the sofa.
Levi settled in his armchair and shrugged. "I'll have to ask Hange when I die. I was her favorite test subject at one point with her unrequited love for Titans and all. There was so much I wanted Eren to explain to us too. He had the memories of the Founder, so he should have known."
Falco chewed his biscuit more modestly, wary of Levi's cleanliness standards. "I wanted to know more about the Beast Titan users before me from one of the memories I saw. But I didn't want to die after thirteen years either. I just wanted to be with Gabi. Do you think we'll recover more records on the past Shifters? I want to learn about them. I still feel weird that we had to eat each other to become a Titan or the power would fall into the wrong person's hands." He wiped his face with a napkin. "We actually ate each other! I still feel sick for eating Porco. Why did Ymir do what she did to lead us to this? Armin could never figure it out after his memories of Eren came back. Are we ever going to figure out why the Rumbling happened? Just because?" Falco's bright eyes blinked many times.
Levi rubbed his forehead. "Falco, we're never going to know the full story. My damn head hurts trying to figure out how much blame I have over the Rumbling- hell, if anybody could really control themselves and what was to happen." He dug into his shirt pocket, seeking out his old insignia and stared longingly. "If I should blame my dedication to Erwin and how his dream led us to the basement in the first place, I don't know. I only thought that we were doing what was best for humanity as we knew it. I didn't regret it." A bird fluttered outside the window. "And I still do not regret saving Armin. He was the one who led Zeke to make his own sacrifice. Tch, I would never have been able to reach him."
Gabi and Falco avoided eye contact. They both knew how angry they had been at Levi when they thought he had killed Zeke, their mentor and friend, back in Liberio. It was Gabi's anger that drove her to revenge, which drove her to kill Sasha, dragging Falco into the mess, leading them to Kaya, which led to the restaurant, which led to Gabi saving Kaya in turn from the Titan, which led to her shooting off Eren's head, which landed in Zeke's hands, triggering the Rumbling. And all this time, Zeke was really working against them and Eren. But it changed them, it saved Gabi in a way.
"I hope Kaya and her family are doing okay," Gabi said. "If negotiations go well, I'd really like to visit Paradis again one day. And Queen Historia took Jean and Connie's families under her protection, and Mikasa has lived there without any repercussions against her, so I don't think she would be angry to see us or you again, Levi. Maybe you could go back and help at the Orphanage."
"Gabi. If I return to Paradis, I will have to change my name and live under a new identity." It would be just like he was for the first thirty years of his life, not knowing his family name. "I want to be called Levi Ackerman without the crowd spitting and flinging shit at me for stopping genocide."
What was there on Paradis, though? It was still his land of birth. The Underground was a shithole, but at least he saved children from there. The forest with giant ass trees was beautiful to visit when Titans weren't there. The old Survey Corps HQ was probably modernized by now, so no point visiting it. The Orphanage… how could he even visit it now and see what the children were learning? Well, the forest was the best place. Zeke had even said he wanted to take Gabi and Falco there….
"If we ever do go to Paradis, I do want to take you two to see the forest. The trees there are unique, the only of their kind in the world. You've told me all that 'get out of the forest' shit, but this is one you would like to be in. We had to use ODM gear just to reach the lowest of branches. Not that I'm sure I'd be able to use it properly now, dammit, if they even make ODM gear anymore. HIzuru supplied them well."
A flying boat buzzed overhead. They were already developing larger flying boats to move more people. Levi closed his eyes. Watch over us, Hange. Watch over us, Erwin. Don't let our idealism get the better of us, he prayed. But maybe one day I'll fly again.
Falco stretched his arms back and put one around Gabi. "Mr. Levi, what do you want to do while we wait? Onyonkopon has worried a lot about you, to be honest. It's been over three years, and I know it must be hard that you can't have your old body back, but you must be wanting to do more than sit in your apartment or go on walks with us while we push you in your wheelchair. It must be like being trapped behind the Walls again, or the Internment Zone."
Levi cringed. "Falco…" but he stopped. "You're right. I do want more to do. It's hard for me too to adjust to a life of not killing people, but shit. I'm enjoying the peace I've never had before. I just don't know what my new purpose is going to be. I'm not going to expect two brats to give me advice on finding a job that accepts a crippled veteran or finding a woman to settle with." He rubbed his finger stubs. "Could one of you start up the tea kettle again?"
Falco stood up. Gabi remained alone on the sofa. She smiled. Her fierce brown eyes pierced his steel narrow eyes.
"We're so going to take you to a social club one of these nights! And you're going to have so much fun! Nobody even dances except old people. Everyone else just sits around and talks. I'm sure there are lots of women there who'd like to see an Ackerman who helped stop the Rumbling!" Gabi caught his stare. "Oh. Right. I'm sorry." She bowed her head.
Levi crossed his legs in his armchair. "How about we get a start on your schoolwork?"
…
That evening, after the brats left. Levi was sipping his fourth cup of tea that day. He listened to the sound of a group of teenagers kick a ball around in the streets, a type of game he learned was called football. Back on Paradis, there were no sporting teams who played professionally. There were just sporting games for children. Unless fleeing on horseback from a Titan in days past counted, a sport which was life or death.
He stood up to get the book that Falco and Gabi brought earlier and pulled out a spare cloth from his pocket. What was the miracle that brought this book to him? Of all the books, they had to get one from the Titan Research Society, who also had headquarters in Onyonkopon's land. The variation in the Eldian language and dialect took time to adjust to, but he could read a newspaper just fine.
He wiped the cover as he tried to avoid inhaling any dust. The book would probably be too technical for his understanding and would be more in Hange's field to understand. But he was curious. He opened to the front inside cover where he saw writing.
"To the one who is reading this. I, Hildebrand Gerhard, current inheritor of the Attack Titan, have received a memory from an unknown time far distant from what I can recognize, a world where the world has been trampled upon. But I see two children who I need to write this message to because they are to deliver this book about the Ackerman clan to a crippled man of this clan.
I have dedicated myself as a good Eldian to the Titan Research Society. If there is any way that our devilish race can atone for our sins, maybe it will lie within the Ackerman clan. They are loyal to the royal family but in turn cannot have memories manipulated or even become Titans. I have seen another memory of the head of the clan being executed at an unknown time by the King. Our great war is coming to an end, and the King is moving along with many of our people to an island across the seas, so maybe there will be peace one day. Rumor has it that a hero, Helos, has risen and slain the devil of all the earth.
I do not understand why I am seeing what I am. These are out of order, surely! But to whomever receives this message, I beg you to live your life freely without regrets and help others out and tell the next generation your story. This message must be important to know. Ignorance is not freedom."
Levi cocked his head. Had those brats played a prank on him? Gabi could lead others in practical jokes even worse than Springer and Braus had, but Falco would never do that shit. He rubbed his temples. Jaeger.
The sound of fluttering filled the window area. A medium sized bird had landed in the windowsill. Great. It would probably get in and shit all over his apartment. He lifted his walking stick to prod it out, but it just looked at him the way birds do when they were too dumb to realize a predator was coming for them.
"Oi, bird. What do you want?" Great, here he was, talking to a bird.
Without warning, the bird flapped its wings and flew to him as he held the book. It pecked at the book, and swiftly as it arrived, it left out the window, flying into the sunset lit world.
Levi just stood there for a minute. What the hell? He needed to sit down. He thought all this stuff with Paths was done. Hadn't Armin had something like this happen with Eren, except he forgot it? Well, damn. If it was an odd coincidence, that's what it was. But if it was really what he thought it was, maybe it was time to find his purpose by looking into his family history.
Lighting a lamp, he leaned back in his armchair and began to read into the night. Maybe his children would learn about their heritage one day.