Hi, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I have no idea how many of you are actually getting notifications anymore when I update. I know I'm not getting notifications for anything at all, including reviews or messages. I'm really tired of this site not functioning like it used to. I am considering holding off on updating going forward until I have the rest of the chapters finished and can submit them all at once to be done with it. Sorry for any errors. I'm writing in a rush these days.
General Content Warning: Chapters in this story may contain upsetting or triggering content including but possibly not limited to violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual references and descriptions, drug and alcohol use and abuse, references to or descriptions of mental illness, self-harm or self-injurious behavior, and references to or discussions of suicide.
~Forty-Eight~
"Look at that," Rand spoke up from next to Cloud.
Cloud turned his head from the window at his right side to look at him. The man was leaning forward in the driver's seat of the car, gazing up through the windshield at the sky.
"The sun's coming out," he noted.
Cloud took a moment to observe as Rand was, the sunshine that was breaking through from above. It was comforting to see after so many days of rain. He wished he could be happier about it but he was anxious. So nervous he felt sick to his stomach. He just wanted things to go as planned.
He and Rand had been waiting in the man's car for about fifteen minutes alone and mostly in silence while waiting to be joined by the person or people who would be bringing Koda there to be reunited with his mother, Annalena.
It was just after noon, at a small rest stop about an hour and a half from the cabin. During the trip, Rand had made him wear a pair of goggles. They were like some kind of safety eyewear but the lenses were completely blacked out. He couldn't see a thing through them so he wasn't able to see anything on their trip to the meeting spot. He hadn't been happy about having to wear them but it was better than being put in the trunk so he didn't try to argue when Rand told him to put them on.
Things had felt more tense the last few days, since Rand had agreed to give Koda back to his mother. He'd felt more on edge than ever before. He'd worried that at any moment the man was going to change his mind. He'd felt an immense amount of pressure to appear comfortable around the man, but not too comfortable.
Once they were parked at the rest stop, Rand told him he could take the goggles off. When he was able to look around at where they were, he saw that they were parked behind some kind of building. There was an area ahead of where they were parked with some old picnic tables. Beyond that was a densely wooded area. When he looked through the side mirror out the window next to him, he could see a faded sign up on a pole that advertised fishing tackle and bait as well as fuel and snacks. He did see a few vehicles drive by on the road they must have travelled in on but in general there wasn't a lot of activity that he could see going on, at least not from where they were parked.
He wasn't sure exactly how the process was going to go. Rand said it would be quick and that he'd have no interaction with either the people who were bringing Koda out there or Anna. He told him he'd be able to watch the reunion from inside the car.
If he thought he was nervous before, he realized he was wrong when he saw through the side mirror, a dark blue minivan coming around the side of the building to where they were parked.
"That's him," Rand said.
The words had his adrenaline suddenly pumping. He couldn't believe he was about to see Koda. His child. In person for the first and possibly only time. He didn't know what was going to happen from that day on, but after Koda was freed and he and his mother were reunited and able to carry on living, it didn't change his own circumstances at all. He was still Rand's captive and he didn't know what would be his next move with regard to helping himself. Rand had already indicated to him that he had concerns he would try to leave once he gave up Koda. If that's what the man was expecting him to do, then it meant he was also prepared for it. Just because Koda was back with his mother, it didn't mean he was out of danger. It was a good first step and that was it.
The minivan parked behind them a short distance away, facing the building, the engine stayed running. It didn't look like anyone was getting out right away.
"You remember what I said?" Rand asked him as he unclipped his seatbelt.
"Yes," Cloud confirmed.
The man had told him he was to remain where he sat and not get out of the vehicle for any reason. Rand nodded at him, accepting his verbal response. The man looked somewhat nervous as well. He reached to open his door to get out and paused to look back at him.
"You're sure about this?" Rand asked him and for one moment Cloud did find himself second-guessing what he'd asked Rand to do. He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt like his stomach was knotting up with dread. All he could do was nod back at him.
With acceptance then, Rand got out of the car, taking his keys with him. Cloud watched him through the side mirror as he approached the van. From the angle that they were parked with the van maybe thirty feet away and not directly parked behind them, he wasn't able to see the driver or Rand when he disappeared around that side of the vehicle. He thought it looked like there was someone seated in the passenger side but he couldn't really make them out through the tinted glass.
"Oh my god," Cloud sighed heavily as he lowered his face into his hands and tried to breathe deeply. He felt suddenly like he was headed in the direction of a panic attack. He was terrified of something happening and messing up the plan. Anna wasn't there yet but he just had a horrible feeling things weren't going to work out as he hoped.
Cloud looked up suddenly when he heard the sound of tires moving against the rough asphalt outside. The minivan was leaving slowly, heading away around the opposite side of the building from which it came. The driver's side door was opening next to him again then. He hadn't seen Rand coming back to the car. He didn't expect what he was confronted with then.
It was Koda, asleep in a car seat. Rand was holding onto it, maneuvering it into the vehicle.
"What's going on?" Cloud asked him as he tried to avoid looking at Koda.
It seemed obvious. Rand had lied about arranging to give him back to Anna. Instead, he was going to bring him to the cabin, the exact thing Cloud had tried to prevent happening.
"You should see him. Spend a few minutes with him," Rand told him. "You'll regret it if you don't. I know you will."
Cloud started to shake his head, about to protest but the sound of another vehicle approaching, a small white car found Rand looking away. The man left Koda on the driver's seat and shut the door to go speak to who Cloud assumed must be Anna.
He stared at the mirror, watching the car park and Rand approaching it, feeling his pulse pounding in his body, scared to look next to him. Nothing was going to stop him though. Finally, he did look at Koda. It was him. There was no doubt about it. It was the face he'd been able to memorize just from the pictures and short videos he'd seen. He was real. He was within literal reach. It would be so easy to pick him up and run. But he'd get nowhere fast enough for it to matter.
He had instant tears forming then while he looked at his son. The son that he hadn't chosen to bring into the world, but at the same time he felt a responsibility to protect. He was sound asleep. He seemed smaller than in the pictures he'd seen. Innocent and oblivious to the turmoil in his life that he'd been born into.
"Hi," he spoke down to him barely above a whisper. "So…I guess I'm your dad," he told him awkwardly, knowing he wouldn't hear him while sleeping but he didn't want to wake him when he looked so peaceful. "I can't believe you're really here," he remarked softly.
He glanced up at the mirror once more and could see Rand standing at the driver's side of the white car. He had his one hand on the roof of the vehicle and was leaning down, speaking to the driver, he assumed through an open window. It seemed fairly casual, nothing to be concerned about. He turned his attention back to Koda.
"There's a good chance I'm not going to see you again for a really long time. This may be the only time," he told Koda quietly. "I'm really sorry about that. I know what it's like growing up and not having a dad around. Wondering if he knew about me, if ever thought about me. If he cared about me, even though he wasn't around. I want you to know that I'm going to think about you every single day for the rest of my life and I'll always do whatever I can to protect you."
He leaned over the center console next to him then and placed a light kiss on the top of his son's head, on the blue knitted cap he was wearing.
It took everything in him to keep it together then. He did want to hold him and to be able to see him look back at him in the hopes he may somehow remember him, remember just that one moment they had together if that's all they would ever have. But in his heart, he felt like he might not be able to let him go if that happened.
Rand interrupted then. He was back at the car, opening the door. Cloud looked away from Koda, turned his face to the window next to him, subtly wiping away his tears.
"Ready?" Rand said and he just nodded.
Rand took Koda in his car seat back out of the vehicle and Cloud watched once more through the side mirror as he was brought over to Anna. He could see her now. She was standing at the back of her vehicle, near the trunk. She looked just as she had in the pictures he'd seen, though he could see more of her. She was slim, a little taller than he'd imagined. Around his age. Pretty, from what he could see. She had a pair of large sunglasses on. Her hands went to her face in excitement or disbelief as she saw Koda when he was being brought towards her. He could almost feel the weakness in her knees in his own body. The relief she must have felt at seeing her baby again was evident.
He felt relief for both of them. Sorrowful happiness. He might never see Koda again but he knew what he was seeing was how things were supposed to be. He'd had in the back of his mind that little bit of fear that she might be what Rand tried to tell him she was. A woman willing to abandon her child or give him up to someone she knew nothing about for money, and to avoid the responsibility of raising a child she hadn't wanted for herself. But watching her cry at seeing him, watching how she unclipped him from his car seat that Rand set on the closed trunk of the car so she could hold and hug him tightly, he could feel how much she loved him. How much agony she must have felt when she believed she'd lost him forever.
He did wonder what Rand's explanation had been to her. What he'd said about where Koda had been, why he'd lied about his death. She didn't look angry with him. Maybe it was just difficult to tell. Rand was smart though. He didn't doubt the man had come up with something to tell her that she'd not only believe but that would also protect him from repercussions.
Just minutes after their child had been handed back to her, Anna was putting Koda in the backseat of her vehicle, secured in his car seat. She spoke to Rand for another moment before finally getting back in the driver's seat and closing the door. It was when Cloud saw her vehicle disappearing from view and Rand was approaching to get back into his car where he'd been watching that he was able to exhale fully.
It was done.
The man said as much when he got back into the car.
"It's done."
Cloud met the man's eyes. He was surprised to see that he seemed a little sad, like he was actually experiencing a fraction of the loss Cloud felt. But there was something else. Rand actually seemed relieved. For all the convincing he felt it had taken to get Rand to let Koda go, all the work he felt he'd put in to achieve that, it seemed like the man was actually happy to not have Koda to worry about anymore.
Yes. The plan had been executed. To perfection actually. It couldn't have gone better. Koda was back with the person he was supposed to be with. That was what mattered the most. Cloud was happy for that. And yet…all he suddenly felt was anguish. The moment Rand had said those words in the car, 'It's done,' he'd realized that things weren't done at all. Certainly not done between the two of them. In a way, it felt like things were just getting started. He'd thought he was in hell up to that point…but he'd been wrong. Just because Koda was with his mother, didn't mean he was safe from Rand forever. He didn't know what the next move would be for him. He had to now determine his best course of action for helping himself, and he had no clue what that would be.
He couldn't even think about it, not that day, for as happy as he was Koda was free for the time being, he was so sad to have had to send him away knowing he might not see him again. It felt like losing him all over again. Suddenly he felt more powerless and imprisoned than he'd ever felt before. It had him feeling sick and like he wanted to do something reckless.
The drive back to the house was quiet. He didn't say anything. Neither did Rand. Cloud sat with his eyes closed, despite the goggles over his eyes that blocked out everything. He didn't want to have his eyes open only to see near darkness. The moment they had parked back at the house and Rand told him they were home, he pulled the googles from his head hastily and tossed them toward the backseat. He unclipped his belt and opened the door with sharp movements. He knew Rand had taken note of it. He could feel it and he didn't care.
He walked toward the front steps with Rand following behind him. He headed up the steps through the screen door onto the covered porch where he stood aside to let Rand unlock the door. When the door was open, Rand stepped aside to let him walk through ahead of him. The thought of walking over that threshold and having the man lock the both of them inside again right then had something inside him snapping.
He stood planted where he was. Rand looked at him a little apprehensively, not sure what to make of the fact he didn't immediately do as expected.
"Come on," he said, putting a hand on Cloud's upper back, attempting to pull him towards the open door.
Cloud took a step forward but before stepping inside the house, he pushed Rand back from him. He closed that same hand into a fist and while it would have been so easy to throw it toward the man in that moment he pivoted instead and started to hit the wooden exterior of the house next the doorway. The pain of his bare knuckles hitting the solid surface hard was immediate but even if he felt it and how much it hurt, it didn't stop him from throwing his fist into it as many times as he was able to before Rand grabbed hold of him and pulled him back. He'd gotten in probably a half dozen quick hits before that.
"What are you doing?!" Rand questioned with clear concern, obviously shocked to have seen what he'd just done. He gripped his upper arms tightly as he shook him a little.
All Cloud could do then was shut his eyes tightly against the fiercely stinging and throbbing pain in his hand that he clutched in his other one. He couldn't make himself respond other than with some groans and hissing breaths before he then found himself beginning to cry. Rand observed him a moment, his hands still clutching him. He sighed heavily then.
"Sit down," he said through an exhale as he moved him to one of the nearby chairs.
He didn't try to ask Cloud to show him his injured hand. He didn't really give him a choice, taking his wrist and prodding away his uninjured hand so he could see it. His knuckles were beginning to bleed. They were reddened but quickly beginning to become bluish purple. Cloud knew the pain wasn't enough to indicate anything had been broken. His bones were almost too tough for him to worry about breaking them.
"Wait while I get the first aid kit," Rand told him. He left him seated on the porch to go into the house.
The moment Rand was inside the house, Cloud felt like he was going to fully lose control of his emotions and begin sobbing. Without giving it any thought at all, he got up, pushed his way out the screened door of the porch and headed down the steps to the driveway. It was raining lightly. It had been raining when they left. Raining now that they were back. It felt like the only way they'd managed to escape it was by leaving the property that felt cursed with it. He didn't head for the road though. He headed away to the left, around the side of the house. It was around that side of the house where the stairs were that led up the second floor and the room Chip had been staying in. He only made it as far as those stairs before he fully broke down. He sat himself down on them as his first sobs left him.
For a few moments as he cried he tried the hardest that he had since being taken to that place by Rand to try and contact Zack psychically, the way he'd done in Gongaga. He hadn't been able to since Jenova had apparently severed the connection when he was back in the facility. Still, he thought just maybe he could still call to him and he might by some miracle actually hear him and by some greater miracle, be able to respond. The thing he wanted more than anything in that moment was to just hear his voice. Hear him say he would be okay. That everything would be fine, even if he had no way of knowing that. He wanted to hear him say he was strong and he could get through anything. That he wasn't alone, even if it really felt like he was.
Rand found him quickly. He heard him calling his fake name. He didn't need to raise his head to look up at him to know he was pissed about him disappearing off the porch. For whatever reason though, maybe it was the fact he was crying pretty pathetically, he didn't come down on him for it.
"It's raining. You need to come inside," he told him instead. "You need to ice your hand," he added as Cloud shook his head slowly.
The man sighed. "I thought that you wanted this. You said you wanted Koda with his mother rather than have him here with us. Do you feel differently now?"
"No," Cloud had to calm himself to tell him.
"What is it then?"
Cloud didn't know how to answer. The truth was the one thing he couldn't say. That he was angry at Rand for the situation he was in and that he was scared he would never be able to escape him.
He stayed silent, unwilling to give any answer ultimately.
"You don't think you'll see him again? You feel like you've lost him all over again?" Rand guessed then.
It was true but he didn't give much in the way of confirmation. Still, the man assumed he was right.
"It'll be okay," he said, uttering the words Cloud wished so badly to hear from Zack. "You'll get through this. I'll help you," Rand told him. "Come on," he urged him to move from the stairs.
"Can I just stay out here a little while alone?" Cloud asked. "I just want to think," he told Rand. "Please?"
"I can't trust leaving you alone unrestrained outside," Rand said in return. "Come on." Rand began again to try and get him to go inside with him.
"Where are they?" Cloud asked, making him pause.
"They?" Rand inquired with confusion.
"The cuffs," Cloud clarified.
"In my coat," the man told him, seeming suddenly very apprehensive.
"Give them to me," he said.
Hesitantly, Rand complied, unzipping his coat enough to be able to access his one inner pocket where he retrieved the pair of handcuffs. He passed them to Cloud slowly. He awkwardly fiddled with them a little, trying to use only his uninjured hand to operate them. He cuffed his own wrist and secured the other around the one spindle of the railing in the staircase next to him.
"Satisfied?" He asked the man.
Rand seemed surprised by what Cloud had just done. He didn't seem to know how to react. Then finally, after a long moment he stepped back from him.
"I'll come back to check on you in a few minutes," he said.
"Thanks," Cloud made himself respond, only looking up again once Rand was walking away.
He could have resumed sobbing when he was alone, but he managed to rein in his anguish enough that it was just a few tears he had to wipe away from his face. He rested his forehead in his free hand then and stared down at the step under his feet as he tried to think through what he should do now that Koda was back with his mom. It wasn't long before his thoughts were interrupted though.
"Hey."
He looked up to see Chip standing a short distance away. He had his hands in his coat pockets and a cigarette in his mouth. The bill of the old trucker cap he was wearing was protecting it a little from the light rain. Cloud tried then to block the view of his right wrist and the handcuff around it by shifting his right foot on the stairs, closer to the railing, trying to shield view of the cuff with his leg.
"You okay?" Chip questioned as he pulled the cigarette from his mouth.
"Fine," Cloud said back, wiping at his eyes a little as he looked down.
Chip came toward him then. He could only watch as he stepped to the side of the stairs and looked around to where the handcuffs were secured around the one spindle. Cloud sighed a little.
"You sure?" Chip asked him.
"Yes," Cloud confirmed with a bit of sharpness in his tone.
"You hit something?" he questioned as he looked at Cloud's bruised and bleeding knuckles.
"Yeah," Cloud confirmed vaguely.
"My cousin?" he asked and Cloud shook his head. "Where is he?" the man questioned.
"Inside," Cloud told him simply.
"Why aren't you?"
"Needed some air," Cloud said as he turned his head to look off in the direction of the lake.
"And this?" The man questioned the cuffs. "Why?"
"So I don't leave," Cloud replied almost tonelessly. It seemed pretty obvious why. Knowing what that sounded like though he added, "So I don't do something."
"Like what?" Chip asked. "He worried you going to get into some bad shit? Relapse?"
Cloud shrugged. He wiped at some tears that had started to build again in his eyes.
"Something happen?" Chip's tone was a little softer then, less interrogative.
"I…lost someone," he told him before finally actually looking at him. He looked sympathetic. Sad for him.
"That sucks," he said, choosing not to pry into it further and ask who or how.
The way Chip was looking at him though, he thought it seemed the man was thinking pretty hard on something. Pondering. He seemed bothered. Cloud was sure he knew why. He felt like he could see the thoughts that were going around in his head in that moment. The skepticism. The suspicion that something was going on right in front of him that wasn't right. Cloud watched as those thoughts started to become words. He was gearing himself up to lie as Chip took a step closer to him and began to question him again.
"You sure you're…"
He stopped. Something caught his attention to his right. Cloud heard Rand's voice saying Chip's name. He saw the man then as he came to stand next to his cousin, casting a quick glance Cloud's way.
"When did you get here?" he asked Chip.
"I was just down at the bunkhouse," Chip told him.
"And?"
"Still waterlogged," Chip said. Rand nodded and looked at Cloud.
"Are you cold and wet enough yet?" he questioned Cloud as Chip walked out of view. "Will you come inside now?"
"Fine," Cloud agreed.
He waited for the man to unlock the handcuffs. His hand was swelling. It was throbbing still. He did need to ice it. When he walked with Rand to the back door of the house he saw Chip was standing there, lighting up another cigarette, his last one in his pack it looked like by the way he crumpled the wrapping into his pocket.
Cloud entered the house with Rand following behind him. Before the man could step inside after him, Chip asked him to wait. It seemed he had something to say to him. Cloud looked at Rand, waiting for whatever his order would be. He knew there'd be one.
"I left the ice pack on the counter. Start icing your hand and wait in the kitchen for me. I'll just be a minute," the man instructed.
"Fine," he said again.
He was a little worried about what Chip was going to say to Rand but he didn't care enough at that point to try and listen in on what they talked about. He went to the kitchen to start taking care of his hand.
"What's the deal with the fucking shackles," Chip asked Rand immediately when they were alone.
"I already explained," Rand said. He'd explained to his cousin that they were to keep Cloud from running off and relapsing on drugs. That it was part of the treatment that Cloud had asked for from him.
Chip shook his head, scoffing.
"He really doesn't seem like he needs this shit," he argued.
"You'd be surprised," Rand replied sharply. At seeing Chip was in clear disagreement, he said, "I'm protecting him."
"From what?" Chip fired back doubtfully.
"Himself."
"It's extreme," Chip pointed out.
"I don't care," Rand told him. "I'll do what I have to, to keep him from hurting himself," he declared firmly.
"Hurting himself? With drugs?"
Chip wasn't buying the drug excuse anymore, Rand knew that.
"Or just hurting himself period," Rand said.
There was an obvious meaning behind the words. Chip got that he was suggesting Cloud had committed acts of self-harm and possibly even tried to take his own life. He couldn't really believe it could be as bad as his cousin was suggesting though.
"And this has been a problem for him?" he asked skeptically. "This kid who seems pretty damn mellow from what I've seen?"
"Yes," Rand said.
Chip shook his head then as he took a long drag from his cigarette and looked down at the deck boards at their feet.
"You don't know a thing about him. He was just throwing his fist into the side of the house a few minutes ago," Rand told Chip.
"Why?" Chip asked, looking up.
"He had a difficult day," was Rand's weak explanation.
"He said he lost someone," Chip relayed.
"Yes," Rand confirmed a little uncomfortably. "He's upset. When he gets upset, he hurts himself. Does things that are reckless. Things he'll just regret later. He knows that. That's why he needs me."
Chip exhaled deeply, sounding frustrated.
"Is this actually just about Barry?" he asked then, taking Rand off guard with the mention of their uncle.
He looked up at his cousin when he said nothing. Rand only stared back at him.
"You couldn't save Barry so you're going to save this kid no matter the cost? Whether he wants saving or not?" Chip accused. "Does he even actually want your fucking help?" he asked.
Rand took a step toward him.
"Has he told you any different?" he asked quietly but in a rigid tone.
It was clear from Chip's facial expression that Cloud hadn't said anything. Rand nodded to himself as he took a step back again.
"I will protect him no matter the cost, not because of Barry but because I promised him when I was all he had that I would take care of him. He's my responsibility," Rand explained.
"He's old enough to be responsible for himself, Randy," Chip argued. "And he should be. Even if he wants you caging him because he actually likes or thinks he needs that kind of creepy protection, it's not your job and it's messed up. It's not healthy for either of you and you fucking know it. You gotta let him be free to do whatever he's going to do, even if it ends up killing him."
"That's not a chance I'm going to take right now. My commitment is being tested. By him. What I am doing here for him, is showing him how much I do care. How much I am committed. This is how I show him that he does not have to worry that I will give up on him like he's given up on himself in the past."
Chip looked away from him, shaking his head again. It was clear he was in disagreement.
"I know you can't see it," Rand acknowledged softly. "But I have to do what works. This works. For now."
Chip only stared back at him then for a moment before he took a drag of his nearly spent cigarette.
"Shit…whatever," he finally responded, finished with the conversation. "Give me the car key," he said.
"No," Rand replied quickly.
"Please," Chip said.
"Why?"
"I'm out of cigarettes," he said. "Gonna go get some more. Gonna pick up some beer and some food. The kid could use a break from your goddamn cooking," he remarked.
"I suppose you want money for that," Rand asked him. Chip shook his head.
"I have money."
"How?" Rand questioned in doubt.
"I used my talents," his cousin replied dryly.
"You stole it?"
"Ha," Chip grunted as he finished his cigarette, rolling the last bit of lit tobacco from it onto the wet ground and sticking the filter in his pocket. He extended his hand out to Rand then, palm up. "Give me the key, asshole."
Sighing, Rand gave in and retrieved his key fob, passing it to him.
"Don't be long," he advised.
000
Cloud.
Zack opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling of the apartment above the sofa in the living room where he had been sitting, waiting nervously for word from Reno that their plan he and Johnny had for the evening was in motion. He must have drifted off for a few moments as he rested his head back against the sofa cushions. He was exhausted, which he felt had to be responsible for suddenly hearing what sounded like his own voice in his own ear saying Cloud's name.
He lifted his arm to check the time on his watch and saw that it was nearly 5 p.m. Aerith would be coming through the door any minute. Slowly he sat himself forward and reached for his phone on the coffee table to check if he had any messages or had missed any calls in the short few minutes he must have been lightly sleeping. Nothing.
Sighing, he dropped his phone back to the table and put his face in his hands, rubbing at it tiredly. He was anxious, more so than usual. He supposed it was because he was worried about Johnny and Reno. They hadn't had much luck with getting information at the law office in Junon. They'd managed to break in a few nights earlier and locate the copies of the paperwork for the share transfer between Rand and Cloud. There hadn't been much else in the file, however, nothing useful.
What they'd been hoping to find were any other addresses for Rand or for his alias, Reed Baxter. They'd come up with nothing, but the fact there was so little there in the office in the file had Johnny suspecting that the lawyer might keep files elsewhere, either on his computer or in a home office. After some discussion, and Zack initially fighting against the idea, they'd decided they were going to need to take things to another level. They were going to need the participation of Rand's lawyer. The issue, however, was that they didn't want him to know who it was they were trying to get information on. Zack was sure that if Rand had any idea they might be on his trail, that he'd move with Cloud and possibly do more to cover his tracks.
Johnny agreed with that, so the plan he had was going to involve him 'detaining' the lawyer and having the man take him to his home where he would have the lawyer give him access to his computer and files and he would search out the information they were looking for without the lawyer knowing who they were investigating. Detaining was just a slightly less innocuous term for what it really was. Kidnapping. Zack hated it. There was so much that could go wrong, even with Reno backing Six up.
Johnny, of course, was confident in their plan. He told Zack it wasn't anything he hadn't done more than once in the past and it had always worked out fine. Initially Zack protested and told him they didn't need to resort to committing that kind of crime just to get information on Rand, but as Six pointed out, they had exhausted the leads they had and this was what was left. At the end of the day, there really wasn't anything Zack wasn't prepared to accept if it meant helping Cloud. He hadn't told the girls about their plan, however. If they didn't know anything then they couldn't be accused of anything if things went bad.
He looked over at the door then when he heard it opening. Aerith gave him a tired smile when she entered the apartment.
"Hey," he greeted her. "How was your day?"
"Fine," she answered as she slipped her shoes off by the door. "Did you get any sleep today?" she asked as she set her bag down on the kitchen table.
"Uh, yeah," he lied with a nod. He didn't think the few moments he'd dozed off counted. "I got a call from my mom earlier," he informed her then.
"Oh. How is she?" Aerith asked.
"Alright, I guess," he answered with a bit of a shrug.
"Did you tell her what's going on with Cloud?" was Aerith's following question as she approached to sit in the chair near to him.
Zack shook his head a little to that. "Didn't really get a chance or…it didn't seem like a good time to say anything. She was calling to let me know she's planning to move in with a friend of hers."
"She's selling your family home?" Aerith asked back tentatively.
"Not exactly," Zack replied as he looked down at the coffee table ahead of him. "She wants to transfer it to me," he said.
"Is that a bad thing?" Aerith inquired, taking note of his tone that seemed sad or disappointed.
"No," he denied. "There's just not really a point. It'll just sit empty. She might as well make some money off it."
Aerith nodded, quiet a moment as she took in his words.
"You don't think you'd ever want to go back?" she asked then. "I know you feel like Midgar is home right now but—"
"It's not like I have much of a choice about it," he cut her off gently. He looked up at her then. "I'm kinda grounded here," he reminded her.
"That's not going to be true forever," Aerith said, making him sigh.
He supposed it was true he wouldn't always be hindered by his parole conditions, but some days it felt like that. He could be spending years under his conditions. The money from the sale of the home would help his mother out. And aside from that, he actually couldn't see himself leaving Midgar and moving to Gongaga, at least not at the moment.
"I dunno," he said through a deep exhale, dropping his face into his hands. "I can't think about it right now," he concluded.
He couldn't. Not when his mind was consumed thinking about finding Cloud.
Aerith decided not to try to talk to him about it further.
"Is there any update from Junon?" she asked instead.
"Waiting," he replied.
He'd lied a few days earlier when he'd told her and Tifa that Reno and Johnny had actually gotten some possible leads after breaking into the law office. He hadn't wanted them to feel as hopeless and disappointed as he had. Although Aerith had seemed to accept what he said and went along with it, he got the feeling like she did know he'd lied, only she hadn't confronted him on it.
"Are you okay?" she asked then as she moved to sit next to him on the couch instead.
"Yeah, just feeling weird," he admitted to her.
"Weird?"
"Well, for weeks, you know, when we weren't sure if Cloud might have actually gone into the harbor," he began to explain, "I thought I would have a feeling one way or the other in my gut about it. Like I should know for sure if he was gone…"
Aerith nodded as she listened and he went on.
"I kept hoping for some kind of sign from him. I think I may have got it today," he told her. "It's almost like he's trying to pull me to the plane, the way he was able to in Gongaga, even though it's impossible at this point. I'm sure I'm imagining it."
"Maybe not," Aerith argued softly.
He turned his head to look at her straight. "I hope I'm imagining it. I don't think he'd try unless something bad happened. Unless he was desperate," he concluded sadly.
Before Aerith could respond to that, his phone chimed on the table with a text notification. He reached to pick it up and could see the message was from Reno indicating their plan was in motion and they were in position.
000
It was true, the law office has been a bust. Johnny and Reno hadn't found anything of value there with respect to getting any information that could help them locate Rand and Cloud. It had surprised Johnny how little the lawyer had in his office in terms of client files and had him wondering if perhaps he kept some files in his own home. There was only really one way to find out. They had to see inside his house.
It was the how that required some thought and planning. It took a few days of surveillance, following the lawyer around, determining how many people he lived with and whether they had security, to get all the information Johnny wanted to have in order to make a decision about what to do.
By the end of their week in Junon, they'd determined that the lawyer lived in a pretty nice neighborhood. Upper class but not so affluent that they had locked gates or community security. As far as they could tell there were only three people living at the home. The lawyer, his wife, and one son, high school age by the look of it. They were under the assumption there would be a security system in the house. Johnny knew how to disable most systems but he was concerned about getting into the home and not being able to access electronic files quickly.
Although they'd argued about it, given they were under a time crunch, they finally made the decision to use the lawyer to access what they needed. Johnny believed it was the easiest way to control all variables in the most efficient way.
Johnny was going to get the lawyer while he was leaving his office. He was going to have the man drive him in his vehicle back to his home and help them access whatever files he may have at home. Reno was going to be positioned in a rented vehicle at the house to confirm no one was at home. Reno didn't particularly like the plan but Six seemed confident about it.
The thing he really didn't like about the plan was the fact Six was going to let the guy see his face. Granted, by the day they were ready to execute their plan, Johnny didn't look as he usually did, having spent a few days growing out some facial hair and partially disguising himself with a ball cap and sunglasses. He was also wearing clothes that were nothing like he normally would. A golf tee and khaki-type slacks. He looked like he belonged in the neighborhood they had been staking out. Still, he thought it was pretty ballsy to be letting someone he was going to kidnap see his face.
Six was right, however, when he pointed out that someone approaching the lawyer in the parking lot outside the office with a mask on was going to stand out to any witnesses. He acknowledged that the lawyer would probably go to the police when they were finished with him and that he would most likely attempt to give a description but that it wasn't the first time Six had been in similar circumstances and it had never been an issue. He claimed that he didn't really look like anyone in particular. Reno supposed that was true. Even if he was considered one of the most recognized prisoners of war in recent years, the face people associated with him was one from years earlier. Those years and all he'd been through had pretty clearly changed him. He likely wouldn't stand out to a stranger.
After hearing from Six that he had eyes on the lawyer leaving his office for the evening, and that he was going to intercept him, Reno had let Zack know quickly that their plan was in motion. There was nothing else for him to do then but to wait where he was parked a few houses down from Wally Gaspard's residence in a rented van that looked like a service vehicle. He and Six had stuck some temporary decals on the sides of it earlier that identified it as an electrical company.
Back in the city center, Johnny approached their target, his hands in the pockets of the jacket he was wearing. When he was within a few feet of him he spoke up to get his attention.
"Excuse me, Mr. Gaspard?"
The man, in his later fifties or early sixties with greying blond hair and wearing a tan-colored suit stopped in his tracks, clearly a little startled.
"Yes?" he questioned back. He had a briefcase in his one hand but raised his other one to shield his eyes from the sun that was low on the horizon and at Johnny's back.
Johnny had approached him from that direction on purpose so that the sun would make it difficult for the man to see him clearly.
"Hi, I'm sorry to approach you outside like this," he told the man politely, standing back from him a few paces so as not to make him uncomfortable.
"Is there something I can help you with?" Gaspard asked.
"Yes, I'm hoping you'll be able to help me with something. Your name was referred as possible representation," Johnny told him.
"I see," the lawyer replied as he lowered his hand and took the last few steps toward his car that Johnny stood near the rear of. "We could make an appointment to meet if you'd like," he offered as he unlocked the driver's side and proceeded to pop the trunk with his key fob.
Johnny knew he was going to place his briefcase inside the trunk. He'd seen him do it in the days before. When the man had the trunk door open and had just set his briefcase inside of it, he stepped up closely to him.
"That's not going to work. I'll need you to come with me right now," Johnny said to him in a level tone.
"What?" Gaspard said back, seeming confused. He shut the trunk door but his hand stayed on it as Johnny went on.
"There is a gun inside my jacket and there's someone else watching. Stay calm and just do as instructed."
He'd lied about someone else watching, but the lawyer didn't know that. For a moment Gaspard looked back at him, frozen.
"It isn't a joke," Johnny clarified for him as it seemed he was questioning the seriousness of what he was suddenly confronted with. As the lawyer looked around the parking lot then, he called his attention back quickly. "Stay calm. Don't call out. We know where you live and we don't want to get anyone else involved. If you know what I'm saying."
The man clearly caught the hint.
"What do you want?" Gaspard asked then, his voice shaking a little.
"I'm just looking for some information," Johnny told him.
"On what?" the man fired back, actually sounding aggravated then.
"I'd like to discuss it in the car," Johnny said. "Hand me your key and get into the driver's seat," he ordered and slowly the man complied, placing his fob into Johnny's one gloved hand.
Johnny got into the passenger's side and when they were both in with the doors closed he handed Gaspard what he'd had stowed in the inside of his jacket in the one pocket.
"Take this and look at it," he instructed.
"What is this?" Gaspard asked when he had it in his hand.
"A brochure."
"Why?" the man inquired.
"Because I want you to look at it and not me," Johnny told him.
With a huff, the man did as he was told. "Who are you?" he asked then. "Do you want money."
"No," Johnny denied. "Listen and look down. I need information on a client of yours."
"Who?" Gaspard asked.
"I can't tell you that. I was in your office. You didn't have what I'm looking for."
"This office?" the man responded with surprise.
"Yes. You keep files at home?" he asked.
"Yes," Gaspard confirmed.
"And you have a computer you work from?"
"Yes."
"What you're going to do is call your wife and let her know that you have made a dinner reservation at the restaurant that's featured in that brochure in your hands," Johnny instructed.
"What?" the man responded quickly, looking up at him.
"Eyes down," Johnny said sternly and the man looked back down at the brochure.
"Is it just her at home right now?" Johnny questioned. "Don't lie to me," he warned.
"My-my son will be there," Gaspard stuttered back, sounding more nervous then.
"Tell her it's a family dinner and to bring him along," Johnny told him.
"She will know that's not normal," the man said, shaking his head.
"You don't take your family out to dinner?"
"I'm busy—" the man tried to explain but Johnny stopped him.
"Let her know it's related to a settlement you made and your firm is treating you. The reservation is for six, you're going to meet them there," Johnny explained.
"Won't she realize when she arrives it's not true?" Gaspard questioned.
"There's going to be a reservation under your name," Johnny assured him. The man seemed hesitant to comply though. "Go ahead," Johnny pushed. "Take a deep breath. Be natural. please don't try to inform her of what is going on here." He didn't try to sound any more threatening than necessary.
"O-okay," the man finally said as he then reached into his pocket for his cellphone.
"Give it to me," Johnny made him stop when he'd unlocked it.
"You just said—" Gaspard began to argue but stopped when Johnny reached over and took the phone from his hand.
Johnny pulled up the man's call history and looked for a contact that was likely his wife based on how many calls went to and came from that person.
"Wife is Rita?" Johnny asked him and he hummed in confirmation. "I'll know if it's not," he warned.
"It is," Gaspard said.
Johnny pressed the icon to call the contact and handed the phone to the lawyer. Just as he was told, the man asked his wife to bring their son to the restaurant to meet him for the surprise dinner they were being treated to by his firm. It did seem to take some convincing to get her to agree but he did a good job of it. Better than Johnny had expected given the pressure the man was under in the moment. He took the man's phone back from him when he'd ended their call. At that point he called Reno on his own phone to let him know to watch for the wife and son to leave. It was at that point that the lawyer seemed to get more anxious, perhaps the reality of what was going on was hitting him harder then.
"You don't have to do this," the man pleaded with him as he reached toward his own neck, pulling on his tie a little.
"Just relax," Johnny told him. "Nothing's even happened yet. Roll your window down. Take a deep breath and start driving toward home.
Gaspard did what Johnny said. His hands were visibly shaking as he gripped the steering wheel and placed his hand on the gear shift.
"No one is going to get hurt, Mister Gaspard. As long as you do what I say, it's all going to be fine," Johnny assured him. The man only nodded and finally shifted the car into reverse to leave the parking space.
It was only a few minutes on the road when Reno called back to let Johnny know the wife and son had left the house. Johnny informed the lawyer and when he heard his family was out of the house he did seem to relax a little. Johnny instructed him to park as he normally would when they arrived at the house and informed him there would be a service vehicle there when he arrived and that he shouldn't be concerned.
When they'd arrived at the house, Gaspard pulled into his double-wide driveway and opened the garage to pull the car into it. Reno pulled the service vehicle in to the driveway behind them. Johnny asked the man if his security system would be armed and he told him it would be. Johnny told him they were going to enter through the garage and that he would need to disarm it. He warned him that he did know how to permanently disable a system if he didn't comply, urging him to just do as he was told in order to save himself a service call.
Reno, wearing a mask and a pair of coveralls, entered the garage behind them carrying a tool bag. Although Gaspard denied there were any, in the case of cameras inside the house, Johnny did put on a mask before getting out of the car. Inside the house, Gaspard disarmed the security system and indicated where his office was at the back of the house. Johnny led him down to it where he asked him to unlock his desk and file cabinet drawers and log in to his computer. The lawyer did everything as instructed, barely making a sound. It was obvious he was incredibly worried or scared. It was when Johnny opened up what was a fairly large closet in the room, moved the man's desk chair inside of it and asked him to sit down that he spoke up.
"Why can't you tell me what this about?" he asked. "Or whom? I could better help if—"
"You're being very helpful," Johnny assured him as he turned the chair so it was facing away from the door. "I only need your cooperation and nothing else," he said as he proceeded to secure the man's hands to the arms of the chair with zip ties.
"Is it someone's money you're after?" the lawyer tried to guess. "Theft can get you a serious jail sentence. It isn't worth it," he pointed out.
"Kidnapping with a weapon and forcible confinement gets me up to life in a max security," Johnny said back.
"I-I haven't seen a weapon," Gaspard argued, making Johnny smirk a little under his face covering.
"You'll put in a good word for me then with the prosecution?" he questioned dryly.
With the man secured in the chair, he stepped back from him to leave him alone in the closet.
"I'm going to shut the door a minute," he told him as he pulled the cord on an overhead light fixture so the man wouldn't be sitting in darkness.
"What are you going to do if you get what you're looking for?" Gaspard was quick to call out before he could shut the door. "What will happen to the client?"
"Don't worry about it," Johnny said back. "You aren't responsible and you shouldn't hold yourself as such because of this. You don't have a choice other than to cooperate," he reminded him. "Sit tight a few minutes."
He shut the closet door then and turned his attention to the computer on Gaspard's desk. While Johnny had been securing the lawyer in the closet, Reno had been busying himself in the file cabinet. He'd already come up with a folder labeled R. Baxter.
"At least the felony charge might be worth it," Reno remarked quietly as he showed Johnny the folder.
Johnny gave a short nod in acknowledgement. "Photograph whatever seems useful on your phone. Keep the pages in order. Put it back exactly as it was."
"Got it," Reno agreed.
Their hope was that they'd be able to get what they came for without the lawyer having any clue as to who they'd been trying to get information on. In the man's computer, he was able to find some files for a Reed Baxter as well. The only thing he was able to find under the name of Randon Cane was copies of the paperwork of that share transfer between him and Strife. They didn't want to take any more time than needed in the house so they just grabbed what they could with the plan of going over it later. The thing they wanted most was information on properties. Addresses where they could search for Cloud. From what they were briefly able to look over in the office, some of what they'd come across for Reed Baxter did in fact include information that looked promising.
Johnny made sure to close out all the files he'd opened up on the computer, having saved whatever he'd wanted to look at on an external drive and logged back out of the computer. Reno placed the folders he'd removed from the cabinet back in place carefully. They'd only taken about twenty minutes inside the house. Johnny opened the closet back up while Reno was retrieving what he'd brought with him in the tool bag he had with him.
"We're done Mister Gaspard," Johnny spoke to the man from behind him as he took a set of snips from his coat. "Thank you for your cooperation. I'll unbind you then I'll leave you in here," he told him as he reached around from behind the chair to clip the zip ties off his wrists with the snips. "We'll be setting up a time-delayed device on the outside of the door. It's going to take a few minutes and it will be a bit noisy and cause some minor damage. It will keep the door from being opened while it's engaged. It will only stay armed for about twenty minutes, then it will disengage and you'll be able to leave. Understand?"
"Yes," Gaspard agreed quietly. "Please don't hurt them," the man said then. "Whomever you're looking for," he added.
Johnny said nothing in response before shutting the door and proceeding to set up the locking device. It required drilling into both the door and the wall. It actually took less than two minutes to attach it and enter the passcode on it to arm it. As the clock began counting down on it, Johnny nodded at Reno that they were ready to go. He walked ahead as Reno took a moment to pack up the drill they'd used to set up the device.
As soon as Johnny stepped outside the office, he found himself getting hit hard from behind. He hadn't seen what was coming. All he felt was a sudden blunt impact at the back of his head, the force of which sent him to the floor on his elbows and knees outside the bedroom but which didn't lay him out flat. Looking up to see what had hit him, he raised his left arm fast as he saw a metal baseball bat coming at him. It hit him a second time against his forearm. He only got a brief look at whoever it was before the guy was seizing up and dropping the bat in his hands. He slumped to the floor next to Johnny, leaving Reno standing there holding his taser in his hand. He flipped it in his hand like a pistol and blew on the end of it.
"Seeing the upside of the taser now, huh?"
"I'll give you that," Johnny muttered, reaching to take Reno's hand as he leaned down to help him to his feet.
Reno couldn't help but laugh at him a little as he watched him grip the back of his head. "Y'alright, man? Lucky it wasn't a wooden bat," he noted.
"Sure," Johnny said as he checked his hand to see if he was bleeding. Fortunately, he wasn't and they didn't have to worry about him leaving behind DNA at the scene. "What's a little more brain damage at this point?" he remarked.
"Just zip this kid up," Reno said as he was quickly securing their mystery attacker's hands with zip ties. He didn't look much older than twenty years old. Reno got a piece of duct tape onto his mouth to keep him quiet as he was coming back around.
"Thought you said you saw them both leave," Johnny said to Reno as he was getting the stunned kid turned over.
"I did. No idea who this is," Reno replied.
Johnny disarmed the locking device at the closet door so he could open it. Gaspard stepped back, having obviously been standing right at the door. He looked shocked when Reno pulled in the kid who'd been wielding the bat.
"Derek?" he questioned quickly.
"He's fine," Reno told him.
"You shouldn't have lied about who was home," Johnny told the lawyer.
"I—I didn't know," the man responded quickly as he leaned over the kid that they had to assume must be another son of his. "He's supposed to be away at college."
"Baseball scholarship?" Reno asked with amusement. He could tell even without seeing Six's expression that he wasn't as amused.
"We'll reset the lock out here," Johnny told the man and his son who was fully alert then. "You're free in twenty."
With that, he shut the door.
000
After initially icing his hand for fifteen minutes, Rand had wanted to help Cloud wrap it but he told him he wanted to shower first instead. It hadn't been easy to do. His hand wasn't as injured as Rand seemed to be worried that it had been but it still hurt and the few cuts on his knuckles stung harshly under the spray of the water in the shower. He didn't regret throwing his fist into the wall though. He'd needed the release of pent-up emotion and frustration that had been building in him for weeks, and the physical pain gave him something else to focus his mind on.
He was so tired after his shower that he could have just gone straight to bed but only minutes after he'd left the bathroom, Rand was calling him back downstairs. He trudged his way down to the kitchen, assuming he was being called for dinner and saw two pizza boxes sitting on the island counter. And that wasn't all. He saw alcohol bottles, a few of them. Vodka and whiskey.
"What is this?" he asked Rand, who had out a first aid kit and was getting a roll of wrapping from it.
"Food. Drinks," the man stated. That much was obvious.
"When did you get this?" he questioned next. He hadn't been aware of him leaving the house at any point.
"It was Chip," Rand told him as he motioned for him to come closer so he could tend to his hand.
"It's not bleeding anymore," Cloud told him.
"You should—" the man started to argue and he cut him off fast.
"I'm fine," he said sharply before adding a softer, "Thanks."
"Fine," Rand sighed. "I'll leave this out and there's another kit up in the bathroom if you change your mind or need it at some point."
He closed up the kit and set it aside before proceeding to collect some plates from the cupboard and set them on the counter.
"Did you want something to drink?" he asked as he faced him.
Cloud only looked back at him with confusion. He felt like he'd missed something.
"There's beer in the fridge if you'd prefer," Rand told him.
He looked at the closed refrigerator door before turning his eyes back Rand's way.
"And that's fine with you?" he asked.
"Yes," Rand replied, though his answer seemed somewhat forced.
"Why?" he asked.
"It's been a difficult day for you," the man acknowledged.
The statement flipped a switch in him then. It irritated him. Of course, it had been a difficult day. He'd had to barter for his son's freedom and had to send him out of his life to protect him, not knowing if he'd ever see him again. Rand was the reason for that. He was the reason why he couldn't go home. Why he had to spend every day in fear. Why he was feeling like complete shit mentally and physically. Why he felt so much shame and hatred toward himself. He was acting like his "difficult day" had been something that happened to everyone. Just a bad day that he could drink away.
"They're all difficult," he countered sharply but Rand didn't respond. He was occupied with the task of plating the food then.
Any other time, Cloud would have probably started an argument with him but he didn't have the energy. He also wouldn't have had much time as Chip joined them a minute later from outside where he must have been smoking a cigarette. Cloud could smell it on him when he came nearer to them.
"Hey slugger," Chip said to Cloud as he walked past him to the fridge. "You want a beer?" he asked.
Cloud watched Rand's expression, waiting for him to show on his face or in his body language, however subtly that he really wasn't okay with him drinking. Drinking meant less control. It meant a greater chance of things getting mentioned that he didn't think Rand wanted mentioned in front of Chip. There was no way he was comfortable with the thought of him and Chip drinking together, but he seemed determined to appear neutral. It must have been killing him.
"Yeah," Cloud finally answered Chip. "Sure."
"Your hand too fucked up to hold some cards?" Rand's cousin asked as he twisted the cap off a bottle and passed it to Cloud.
"Hell no," Cloud said before taking a long drink from his beer.
"Where you got the game chips hidden, Randy?" Chip asked his cousin as he started opening drawers in the kitchen. "Unless you wanna play for real cash and I could clean you out," he remarked.
"I don't think so," Rand responded flatly without looking at him. It didn't seem he was interested in playing.
"Afraid you're going to lose if it's not some stupid chess game?" Cloud asked Rand boldly. The man was quick to look up at him. He glared at him with what seemed like an all too familiar warning but then he smiled. Cloud couldn't help but find it somehow more threatening and yet he was satisfied knowing he was pushing his buttons and he couldn't do anything about it with Chip present.
"They're in the drawer in the side table next to the couch," Rand answered his cousin finally.
He reached a plate out to Cloud. As Cloud tried to take it from the man he held onto it, just long enough to tell him with his eyes to be careful.
Cloud didn't take the non-verbal warning very seriously. He figured there wasn't much Rand was going to do to him while Chip was there to witness it. As they drank and ate and played cards, he wasn't really thinking of his situation or even what had gone on earlier in the day. He had a lot of anger brewing inside him though. Contempt. For Rand. For Shinra. Himself…
He was happy to put it all out of his mind temporarily, to take any opportunity available to escape his feelings. Anything to not feel as trapped and helpless as he was. The alcohol did a good job of that. Too good. He hated feeling out of control, but the desire for distraction always won that battle in his mind. He knew that's why he had found himself doing reckless things in Midgar. It freed him from the prison inside his own mind, if only for a few hours…or for just a few minutes.
Mornings, he realized were the hardest for him. He wanted to feel when he woke up in the morning that the day was new. That there was hope in that fact. That anything could happen for him. He wanted to feel grateful when waking up, or feel positive about what might be ahead of him. But he'd been conditioned to fear mornings. To associate them with pain and with dread for what he could be facing.
That morning, waking up after the evening of drinks and cards with Rand and his cousin, was no different. It brought painful discomfort in his head and stomach. It also brought something else. Confusion first, and then fear.
It was where he woke up, and how, that had him confused and fearful. He was under the covers in Rand's bed. He wasn't wearing handcuffs or any kind of restraint. He wasn't wearing anything at all. It was a startling discovery that had him turning over in the bed quickly, sitting himself up fast, the motion making his senses spin a little. He had a brief moment of relief at seeing he was alone in the bed but that's all it was. Brief. It didn't mean the thing that must have happened hadn't happened.
He spotted his clothes folded on the dresser, the same as they'd been the last time…the last time he'd…
Trying not to think of it, trying not to go over in his head what he'd done again the night before with Rand, he moved as quickly as he could make himself to get out of bed and get to his clothes to put them on before the man was back from the bathroom or wherever he was. While getting his clothes on he glanced over at the clock on the one side table next to the bed. He froze then. The clock was reading 1:34. It was light in the room.
It wasn't morning. It was afternoon. He'd slept in. Rand hadn't woken him up. Why? Why hadn't he heard him moving around at all? Why had he slept so long? They were up late…no? He didn't remember being up that late. It couldn't have been later than 10 p.m…He didn't remember.
He didn't remember.
Immediately then he tried to go over the night before in his head, trying to remember what had happened and how he ended up where he was and found he couldn't. He remembered having dinner. He remembered drinking beer and playing cards…after that though…
He really didn't know. He didn't remember going upstairs. He definitely didn't remember entering or being brought to Rand's room, nor did he remember getting out of his clothes. He didn't remember sleeping with him. In fact, he didn't remember them having any kind of physical contact at all. If they'd had sex, he couldn't remember. Surely he'd remember if he had. Surely he'd know if he had. He'd have to know. His body would know, wouldn't it?
As he opened the door to Rand's room slowly and walked his way quietly the short distance to his own room next door to it, he took something of a physical inventory of himself and told himself he would absolutely know if something had happened and he didn't feel like it had. For whatever reason he'd ended up in the man's bed. He imagined Rand was going to tell him it was because of how intoxicated he was when they were heading upstairs. He'd say he was worried about him and didn't want to leave him alone.
When he sat down on the end of the bed in his room and continued to prod his own brain for the recollection of the evening hours the day before, he realized he didn't remember drinking enough to black out. He didn't even feel at that moment like he'd drank enough for that to have happened. He was groggy. Exhausted actually. His body felt like cement. He had a headache and he was thirsty, but he'd had bad hangovers before and it didn't feel like that.
The only explanation he had for himself for being so out of it was that he must have been trying to block out the day before. Having to say goodbye to Koda, realizing that he was likely never going to see him again. Sitting there alone in the silence, he thought about what he had been trying not to the day before. That he was actually likely not going to see anyone he knew for a very long time. He didn't know what Rand would do if he managed to escape at that point. He could have someone following Annalena around for all he knew, ready to snatch Koda back up away from him at a moment's notice. If he got away from Rand, the man knew easily where to go to find him. He knew that Zack and the others would be in his corner to protect him but how much did he want to risk something happening to any one of them if Rand came after him?
And what if he went looking for him in another direction? Marco's direction? While he really sometimes felt alone, when it came down to thinking up all the people that he feared might be targeted because of him, he realized there were a lot of people in his life.
The sound of footfalls on the stairs heading upward drew his attention to the open doorway of his room. He waited for what he knew to expect, Rand coming into view. He thought it sounded like he might have paused at his own room first to look in and confirm he wasn't still in the bed. When he finally did appear in the doorway, Cloud was surprised at his appearance. He looked slightly disheveled. Tired.
"Hello," the man said to him, a departure from his usual 'good mornings' and 'good afternoons.' He barely seemed to make any eye contact before telling him, "There's lunch downstairs," followed by him pivoting like he was ready to head away again.
"Rand," Cloud called to him. The man took a step backwards, back into his doorway and looked at him. "I don't remember anything last night about coming upstairs or going into your room," he told the man straight up. He wanted to get things cleared up right away.
Rand hummed a little in acknowledgement. He nodded. Gave him a smile that seemed almost…sympathetic?
"You must have been very intoxicated then," he concluded simply. "Are you not feeling well? Did you need something?" he asked.
Cloud shook his head, ignoring his questions though. "I don't remember drinking that much," he told him firmly.
"Really?" Rand replied, genuinely seeming a little surprised.
"Really," Cloud confirmed.
"Well…" Rand sighed before shrugging a little. "Come downstairs. I can show you how much we all drank," he suggested before attempting to head away again.
"Wait," Cloud called him back once more. "Why was I in your bed?" he managed to get up the courage to ask.
Again, Rand shrugged casually.
"You didn't want to be alone," he replied.
"What?" Cloud said back to that fast. He eyed the man critically then. "Did I say that or did you just decide?"
Rand released a bit of a huff then as he leaned his one shoulder against the doorframe.
"I assume it was the reason you chose to get in it," he said tiredly, like the conversation couldn't be more boring.
Annoyed then, Cloud fired back at him. "There's no way!"
"Why is that?" Rand challenged in a level tone, his expression neutral.
Something about the way the man spoke to him and looked at him did have him doubting himself suddenly. What if he had done that? It didn't make sense though.
"Well…what did I say?" he asked Rand in a softer voice once more. "Before deciding to."
The man let out a slow exhale and looked upward as he appeared to be thinking.
"From what I remember, you were a little upset about Koda. You were anxious about your future. You were sad and you cried," the man recounted for him. "You said you weren't feeling well," he said before gesturing down the hallway. "I brought you upstairs to the bathroom and tried to help you. You called me some things and told me to leave you alone so I did for a little while." He turned to meet Cloud's eyes then once more. "When I came back to ask you if I could help you to bed you agreed."
Cloud looked down then at the floor as he went on.
"You headed into my room and started to undress. I told you it wasn't your room and you said you didn't care. You said it didn't matter anymore where you slept."
Cloud shook his head to himself as he kept his eyes on the floor.
"That doesn't make any sense," he said, unable to make himself believe what the man was telling him, even if a lot of it did sound plausible. He couldn't imagine being so distraught about his life and what had happened the day before that he decided suddenly to cozy up with his former Keeper willingly when there was nothing for him to gain from it.
"I don't know what to tell you," Rand said, sounding a little frustrated then. "I wasn't going to turn you away and force you out."
"So, you slept with me in the bed then?" Cloud asked, his tone sharp as he looked up at him once more.
The man scoffed, clearly taking some offence to what seemed to be an accusation of some sorts towards him.
"Why wouldn't I?" he asked back, crossing his arms when Cloud hesitated on answering him.
Cloud took a breath then. He broke eye contact with Rand to look down where he gripped the edge of the mattress with his roughed-up hand, bruised and slightly swollen still from the day before. He was nervous then, dreading the words he wanted to speak before he could say them.
"Did you…" he started to ask but had to break to swallow and take another short breath. "Did anything else happen?" he finally managed to get out.
Nothing did. You'd know for sure. He was still telling himself that, but the fact was, he wasn't sure. He didn't know.
"Anything else," Rand said the words back to him flatly, perhaps only a hint of question in his tone. Even if they sounded so mundane being spoke back to him, it felt like the man was somehow mocking him or even torturing him with them.
"You going to make me say it," Cloud shot back at him in clear anger then. It felt like the man was trying to make a game of the uncomfortable conversation and he couldn't stand it.
Rand seemed a little taken aback by the aggression in his tone. He actually seemed visibly offended then.
"Is it so terrible to imagine?" he threw back at him.
Cloud had to restrain himself right then from yelling back at him. From standing up and actually shouting in his face that it was terrible to imagine. That any amount of the man touching him at that point was fucking terrible to imagine. But, he'd been purposely leading the man to believe he might not actually hate him as much as he told him he did. That he did want to give a deeper, more intimate relationship, or something like what Rand thought they had in Midgar, a shot.
So instead, he had to be tactful and calm.
"If it happened while I was too wasted to remember it, then yes," he told Rand softly.
In his eyes, he could see that Rand understood.
"Of course," he agreed, his voice also quieter then.
He took a breath, sighed a little. His arms were back at his sides, his shoulders sinking a little as he came toward him then.
"It would be difficult to not know," he acknowledged sympathetically. "To not be able to rely on your memory to tell you. It would be scary."
He didn't try to avoid Rand as the man stopped in front of him and placed his hands on either side of his head.
"With everything you've been through…" Rand spoke soothingly as he ran his fingers through his hair slowly. "And having suffered the torture of having your memories out of your reach in the past…it would be terrible. I'm sorry."
The man's hands stilled then and Cloud looked at his eyes that were waiting on his attention.
"Nothing happened," Rand said to him, barely over a whisper.
He couldn't help but smile very quickly with relief as he shut his eyes.
"Nothing," Rand concluded as he dropped his hands from his head and stepped back from him. "That I can really…recall."
Cloud opened his eyes fast at that. He looked up into those of his former Keeper, those that were nothing like they had been moments before. Dark and cold. Gleaming with satisfaction.
"What?"
The word escaped Cloud weakly.
"I wish I could say for sure," the man spoke innocently. With a slight shrug he concluded, "I guess I drank too much as well."
Cloud could only stare back at him. He barely processed the man's quick smile or the suggestion he come downstairs for some lunch. Or his movements as he was turning away and heading out of the room. He found himself staring at the space where he'd been standing, feeling a tingling sensation throughout his whole body like he wasn't able to get enough blood to any part of himself right then. All he could think then was about that moment downstairs the evening before when Rand was holding onto his dinner plate as he tried to take it from him, when he looked into his eyes and gave him that look that warned him to be careful.
He didn't really think anything had happened in bed with Rand the night before, but there was no way he'd ever know for sure what had happened. Unless suddenly all the hours he'd lost in his memory from the night before were regained…he'd never really know.
While he'd already decided that being trapped with Rand in that cabin felt a bit like being trapped inside a game, he hadn't given any thought before then as to what a score might look like between the two of them. He hadn't tried to keep track. If anything, he might have thought he had at least a little bit of a lead over him the day before. It didn't really matter though now…
He knew—as he was sure Rand himself knew—his Keeper turned kidnapper-captor was winning.