AN: This is a little piece that was sort of stirred up in my mind from a comment that Laurawritesfiction made, so I had to do something with it. It can be read alone, but it's better following "Saturday Surprise." It's also in my universe, so it comes with all the trigger warnings about discussion of miscarriage, etc.
I own nothing from Murder, She Wrote.
I hope you enjoy! If you do, please do let me know!
111
"Have a good day, and take that medicine as I prescribed it, or it won't work," Seth said, coming out of the exam room with his patient. He immediately handed Beverly the notes that he'd made shorthand. She would type them up neatly and add them to the file. She thanked him, and he thanked her, with a mostly silent exchange that came from years of working together and learning one another.
"Mrs. Miller is waiting with Bobby," Beverly said. She offered Seth another file and he looked at it. On the top of the file was all he needed to know. The appointment was for Bobby, and he wasn't going to be pleased with Seth after his check-up.
Seth took a moment to greet his patient and send them back, and then he turned back to Beverly.
"Did you call Jessica about the delivery, like I asked?" He asked.
"I called twice," Beverly said. "There was no answer."
Seth felt an immediate sense of being simply unsettled.
"No answer?"
Beverly shook her head.
"No answer," she reiterated.
"When did you call?" Seth asked.
"This morning," Beverly said. "Just after you told me to call. And—about a half hour ago."
Seth tried to ignore the fact that his pulse immediately picked up and his stomach dropped. Jessica was pregnant—a blessing for both of them and a dream that they'd sought to make reality with the help of a medical team in Augusta that Seth trusted a great deal. This wasn't the first time, though, that Jessica had ever been pregnant. She had, in fact, lost two pregnancies while she was married to Frank, and both had been tragically lost at around the same point in pregnancy that she was currently experiencing.
Jessica was almost always at least a touch anxious these days, worried that her past experiences might repeat themselves. Seth, of course, understood that, and he did his best to help keep her calm. The truth was that he was going through quite a bit of anxiety regarding the pregnancy, as well, but he deemed Jessica's feelings to be far more important for the time being.
One of the things that he feared most, honestly, was finding himself in a situation where he was helpless to help Jessica or their baby girl. Even his profession as a doctor, at this point in the pregnancy, wouldn't be able to make things right.
Seth could almost make himself feel entirely unwell, if he let himself imagine it, so he did his best to push it out of his mind.
"Jessica—hasn't called to check in, either?" Seth asked.
Beverly shook her head.
"Fine," Seth said. "Just—try her again?"
Beverly nodded and confirmed that she would do so. Seth turned, headed toward the examination room, and stopped just outside the door.
Jessica wasn't supposed to be running errands today. He'd offered to take her into town this morning, and she had said she was just staying home for the day. Now, he thought that he should have asked her if that was simply a choice she was making, or if she felt unwell in any way. She usually called and left a message with Beverly, if she intended to go anywhere, so that Seth would know that she wasn't home.
He was sure it was nothing—rather, he was almost sure it was nothing. Still, he couldn't shake the unsettled feeling that made him feel a bit shaky. He steeled himself outside of the exam room, put on the best face that he could for his patient, and tried to push everything out of his mind for the time being.
111
Seth saw his patients out and handed Beverly the folder. He'd managed to keep his focus on the appointment, and he'd managed to act like he wasn't worried about anything beyond Mrs. Miller and her son.
Now, though, that distraction was removed and he was concerned about his wife and daughter.
"Did you call Jessica?" Seth asked.
"There was no answer," Beverly said.
Seth's pulse responded immediately. His breathing did, too. He didn't need to be a doctor to know that he was close to something like panic.
"Beverly—reschedule the rest of my afternoon," Seth said.
She looked at him like he'd lost his mind.
"You mean—everyone?" She asked.
"Yes, Beverly," Seth said. "When I ask you to cancel and reschedule my afternoon, I mean everyone. I don't mean that I'll be coming in for one random hour after I leave."
She was used to him, and she tolerated all of his moods in ways that he knew many people wouldn't, but she did look a touch wounded.
"I'm sorry," Seth muttered. "I have something I have to do, and I have to leave now. It can't wait. Could you…please…cancel and reschedule everyone?"
"Are you not well?" She asked.
"I'll be better tomorrow," he said, leaving the question unanswered. "Just—take care of that, and you can close up here when you've finished your work. Take the rest of the afternoon off."
Seth returned quickly to the back room and began packing a bag. As he gathered things that he thought he might need, or that might somehow be useful, he actively worked to ignore the fact that his heart was racing and his breath was shallow. He didn't have time to try to calm himself down, right now, and he knew that it wouldn't work, anyway. He wouldn't be calm until he saw Jessica for himself.
Seth's hands shook slightly as he packed his bag. He worked his fingers, once or twice, trying to convince them to be more reliable. He was steady-handed, and that had always served him well in his profession. Even though this was personal—very, very personal—and he was terrified of what he might be about to face, he wasn't going to let that rob him of his abilities when he might need them most.
Deep down, though, in the hollow-feeling pit of his stomach, he knew that he would be practically useless if he was going home to what he feared.
He could only hope, honestly, that he could help Jessica.
And, later, they could help each other.
Seth left without another word to Beverly. He drove home half in a daze, aware that he wasn't paying the appropriate amount of attention to the road. Thankfully, the traffic in Cabot Cove was pretty light, and it seemed that this was an hour when even fewer people than usual seemed to be moving around. Perhaps it was simply some gift from the universe that his way was clear, so that he could make it home without causing any kind of accident.
Seth let himself into the kitchen. It was empty. There were no signs of food being prepared. Jessica's typewriter was out, and there were several stacks of paper for keeping, discarding, and for future use. There was a half-finished cup of tea that was abandoned. As Seth passed by, he touched the mug with his fingertips. It was cold.
His blood felt, for a moment, every bit as cold as the tea, as though it might congeal in his veins and refuse to run.
"Jessica?" He called out.
There was no response. Seth made his way toward the stairs. He could feel that the hold he had on his bag's handle was sweaty, but he'd taken control of himself enough that he was no longer shaking.
"Jessica?" He called up the stairs.
When there was no response, again, he mounted the stairs as quickly as he could and headed directly for their bedroom. Jessica wasn't there, so he made his way to the bathroom.
"Jessica!" He called out again.
"Seth?" Jessica called back.
Seth let himself into the bathroom to find Jessica standing by the tub with a towel wrapped around her, so freshly emerged from the tub that she was still streaming water onto the floor.
His heart felt like it stopped from the instant rush of relief it felt.
"Seth—what are you doing home?" Jessica asked. "Is something wrong?"
Seth felt almost dizzy with the shift of emotions that he felt. The fear gave way to frustration and anger, since it had to have somewhere to go.
"Jessica Beatrice Hazlitt," he growled, "why on Earth have you not answered the damned phone? Do you have any idea…any idea at all, Woman…how concerned I've been about you?"
She looked at him, wide-eyed, and Seth immediately realized that he'd been loud and harsh. He'd been too harsh, probably, for the situation, but he felt like he couldn't even take it back. Suddenly, he felt tired—overwhelmingly tired.
"I have to sit down," he managed to say, and he left the bathroom. In the bedroom, he sank down in the chair in the corner that was meant for things like putting on shoes, but Jessica complained that it was just another catch-all place that she had to clean off daily. As if to illustrate that point, Seth realized that he'd sat on top of several articles of clothing, but he felt like rising up enough to move them was impossible. For just a moment, every inch of his body had become like lead.
Seth looked up when he heard Jessica pad into the room on bare feet. She was wearing a short cotton nightgown and, as far as he was aware, nothing else. It clung to her as evidence that, if she'd dried off at all, her efforts had been minimal.
"Seth," she said, her voice so flooded with affection that it nearly sounded watery.
"I just need to sit a minute," Seth told her.
She immediately crossed to him and dropped to one knee in front of him.
"Seth—oh—Seth," she said, catching his face and practically nuzzling him, pressing her cheek to his. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. I had several unnecessary phone calls in a row this morning and I…I unplugged the phone. I was writing, and I forgot to plug it back in. I got stuck, and I thought…a bath might…make me feel better. It might…"
Seth wrapped his arms around her. He drew her into him as much as he could. He became aware that she lost her balance, and she seemed as if she would fall until her other knee came down hard and gave her the foundation she needed.
"I'm sorry," he said, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She hugged him tightly. "You're not hurt."
"No," she breathed out. "No—of course not."
"You didn't do anything wrong, Jess," Seth said, holding her tightly. "You didn't do anything wrong, but…you have to leave the phone plugged in. I need you to leave the phone plugged in, Jessica."
Jessica pulled away, despite the fact that he still clung to her, his fingers pressing in on her ribcage—well aware, for a moment, where each of her ribs were beneath the pads of his fingers.
She stroked his face affectionately.
"I won't unplug it again," she said.
"What if something happened?" Seth said. "And you could make it to the phone, but you weren't able to—to find the cord and plug it back in?"
"Shhh…" Jessica soothed. "I won't unplug it again. I promise."
Seth nodded his head. He nodded his understanding. He felt himself calming, but with the calming came the fatigue.
"Didn't mean to yell at you," he said.
She smiled.
"I didn't mean to scare you," she said. She let her hands run over his shoulders and his arms with just enough pressure to make their presence known to his muscles. The touch was soothing. "If you had told me you were so nervous, Seth…but…I should have noticed. I'm sorry, Seth. I've been so—selfish, lately."
"No," Seth said, disagreeing. "How could you be selfish, Jessica? Everything you're doing right now; you have to think of her."
"And I'm neglecting my husband," Jessica said.
Seth laughed, even though he felt like the laughter required too much effort. She was sincere, and her sincerity made his chest ache.
"I'm far from neglected, Woman," he said.
"Still—I should have noticed," she said. "Seth—why didn't you say anything? Look at you…you're damp."
"So are you," Seth challenged.
It was Jessica's turn to laugh, and it was musical. It was like a balm to Seth's soul. She slipped to the side, moving off her knees to sit a bit more comfortably on the floor. This time, he loosened his hold on her to allow that, but he moved his hands to hold her arms, still not feeling like he could bear to release her entirely.
"I just got out the bath," she said. "Yours is sweat, Seth. From fear." She looked around, as the air around them calmed. Her vision very clearly landed on the bag that Seth had brought with him. She looked back at him.
His heart ached. He loved her. He loved her more than anything. And when she looked at him with those big blue eyes, he knew that he'd do anything he could for her.
"What were you going to do, Seth?" She asked.
Seth's throat suddenly felt tight, and practically raw. It ached as much as his chest did. He frowned at Jessica, because he couldn't stop the feelings that were choking him.
"Nothing," he said. "Everything I could, Jess…and not a damn thing. There's nothing I could do. Nothing…and that's what kills me." He shook his head. "You would think that…as a doctor…I might be able to do something. But…I would be helpless, Jess. I couldn't do any more than Frank did. Worthless to you, when you'd need me the most."
"Oh—Seth…" Jessica said. She pushed herself up and nudged Seth. He sat back and she eased herself down to sit on his lap. He naturally wrapped his arms around her. He held her and rested his head against her. She hugged him and cradled his head. He closed his eyes, for a moment, hearing her heart beat in her chest. It was a little faster than he might have liked, but calm enough to tell him that any panic or worry that she might have felt was passing. His own heart felt like it tried to keep step with hers, calming alongside her heartbeat.
He lifted his head enough to kiss her, his lips touching the cotton of the nightgown and the edge of warm skin where it wasn't buttoned fully closed, and the neck fell open. He rested his head against her again, drawing in a deep breath. It would be nice to sleep there, he thought for a moment.
"Seth—I wouldn't expect you to be able to do anything," Jessica said. "Nothing more than Frank did. I didn't even expect that…he would be there, like he was. I told him he could leave. I didn't want him to…well…to see any of that."
"I was afraid that's why you weren't answering the phone," Seth confessed. "I didn't know if—you couldn't, or if you were…trying to shut me out, Jess. Trying to save me." He lifted his face to look at her. She wasn't crying. He might have thought she would be. She'd cry, these days, if they ran out of strawberry jam or she saw a butterfly with a broken wing. For once, he felt closer to tears. "I don't want you to try to save me, Jessica."
She smiled softly at him and stroked his face with cool fingers. He closed his eyes a moment, savoring her touch. He moved one hand—the one not supporting her—and caught her hand. He pressed it to his lips.
"Don't try to save me, Jess," he said. "Don't hide from me. No matter what. Even if—I can't help you, don't shut me out."
"No," Jessica said. "Seth—I wouldn't do that. I know, now, that I was wrong to try to tell Frank to leave me alone. I would—want you with me." She drew in a breath and let it out. "I hope, however, that the only time I need you with me is when she's born, Seth. And I hope that she's born in late December. And I hope—she's healthy."
"Me, too, Jess," Seth said. "Me, too."
He patted her belly. There was nothing there—next to nothing. Her clothes had gotten tight, and she'd bought some clothes that were meant to grow with her and to be comfortable even after the baby was born, when her body was going through all the changes that it must go through after their daughter came into the world. Still, even the weight she'd gained wasn't much to Seth, and it certainly didn't look like anything that would draw someone's attention to the fact that she was busy growing their baby girl at every hour of the day and night.
Jessica leaned to kiss him, and Seth met her. The kiss was long, and it was lazy, and he pulled her comfortably into him. He would be content, honestly, to sit in that chair and hold her for the rest of the day. When she broke the kiss, she nipped his lip playfully, sending a feeling like electricity through his body.
"Don't hide from me, either, Seth," Jessica said.
"I don't have anything to hide," he said.
"You hid it from me that you were so scared that…I thought you might have a heart attack," Jessica said.
He smiled softly at her.
"I didn't want you to worry any more than I know you already are," he said. "You're anxious, Jess, and rightfully so. I don't mean that to say that—that I think there's anything wrong with the baby. I don't, but…"
"But it's natural to be afraid that history might repeat itself," Jessica said.
"I want to take your fear away, Jessica. I want to help you feel…better. I couldn't do that, if I was adding to it."
"You always make me feel better, Seth," Jessica said. "And—even if you're scared with me, or happy with me…or, God forbid, sad with me…I'm better if we're doing it together. I don't think you ought to not be scared, Seth. I respect that—she's your daughter, and you worry about her, too."
"I worry about my wife, too," Seth said.
Jessica smiled.
"I know that, too, and I love you for it."
"I love you, too, Woman," Seth said.
"Oh—I think I know that," Jessica teased. Seth laughed, and he tightened his hold on her a bit to squeeze her affectionately.
"Don't you scare me like that again, Jess," he said. "Now—I didn't mean to yell at you like I did, but…I could absolutely put you over my knee for unplugging the phone and leaving me with no way to get in touch with you. You scared me to death, Woman."
"I'm sorry," Jessica said. "Will you let me make it up to you? I'll make you a nice lunch. You can put your feet up."
"Lunch," he said with a laugh. "You're dressed for bed, Woman."
She laughed and kissed him again.
"It's what I had in the bathroom," she said. "From last night. I was going to get dressed."
"You can model something for me," Seth said.
She rolled her eyes at him, but he knew that she'd indulge him, too. He let her up, playfully swatting her behind as she walked away. She yelped at him, covering herself, but he knew he hadn't truly hurt her beyond, perhaps, a little sting—about which he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't truly complain.
"Were you just calling to check on me, Seth, or…?" Jessica asked, starting to try to find something that suited her to wear.
"I ordered something for you," Seth said. "They were going to call this morning, if it came in on the truck, so they could deliver it. About—eight or so, he said. I didn't want you to turn down the delivery, if it turned out they did call to deliver it."
"A delivery of what?" Jessica asked.
Seth laughed to himself.
"Don't worry about it," he said. He checked his watch. "They close at lunch time on Thursdays and Fridays. They aren't coming today anyway. You'll just have to wait until tomorrow to get your present. That's your punishment for unplugging the phone and nearly killing me."
She gave him a look that amused him. He welcomed it, because he still truly felt like he was in a state of recovery. He was teasing with her, but the fear had drained him.
"What did you order, Seth?" Jessica asked.
"You'll know tomorrow," Seth said.
"Seth—you didn't do anything I wouldn't do, did you?" She asked.
Seth laughed.
"Considering you were well on your way to making yourself a widow again, I don't think we'll use as the compass by which we measure all our decisions," Seth challenged.
"Seth! Don't even joke about that!" Jessica scolded.
"You look good," Seth said. "I like that."
"Most of my wardrobe is now made out of elastic," Jessica teased. She wasn't sold, just yet, on the clothes she'd bought. They'd gotten a variety of things—and Seth was sure that he'd talk her into a few more as the colder months came—but she had felt uncomfortable making her purchases, despite the fact that they'd given her a little pillow to wear while she tried on her clothes. Of course, the pillow had created its own dust up, of sorts, for Jessica.
Still, Seth thought she looked beautiful. Of course, he recognized that he was a bit biased.
"Good. More room for you to eat more food. What did you say you were making me to eat? Get my strength back up?"
"I was going to make sandwiches," Jessica said.
"No—I don't believe that'll do it," Seth said. "What about—your meatloaf, Jess? Mashed potatoes and cabbage?"
"I don't have the ingredients for any of that," Jessica said.
Seth pushed himself up from the chair.
"Say no more," he said. "What else do you need at the store, Jess?"
She laughed.
"You're really going to the store?" She asked.
"I'm off work for the rest of the day, because my wife tried to kill me," Seth teased. "I might as well run to the story and get exactly what I want to eat, so she can make it up to me."
He walked over to her and pulled her into him. She came without any struggle at all, and she gave him the kiss that he sought. He thought, perhaps, he sensed a little willingness to make it up to him in other ways, later.
He smirked at her.
"That kiss was a little…suggestive, Mrs. Hazlitt," he said.
"Good, Mr. Hazlitt," she said with a smile. "It seems like—maybe you could use a little…cardiovascular exercise to make sure that your heart is good and strong."
He laughed.
"I always look forward to dessert," he said. "You need anything else at the store?" Jessica hummed in the negative and shook her head. Seth leaned down, teasing her, and patted her stomach. "Do you need anything else at the store?"
Jessica laughed.
"If you don't hurry up and go," she said, "your lunch will be your supper."
"I'll eat your meatloaf any time of day," Seth offered. He winked at her. "And there's never a bad time for the dessert you've got on offer. I'm plugging the phone in on my way out, Jess. Don't you touch it."
Jessica laughed, and started around the room, straightening things up.
"I'll keep my hands to myself," Jessica said.
"Just until I get home, Woman," Seth replied, starting down the stairs. "Then, I'll show you where you can put them."