Masquerade

by RAfan2421

If he could return to the past, what would he try to change?

14. Chapter 14

Notes: Had this one in the back pocket for a while. I've been trying to write for the past few months, but since that burst in February it's been really difficult. I don't think I'm hitting the right emotional notes at all in any of my WIPs, and I guess that bothers me more than I'd like to admit.

Thanks for all the support for all my stories. I've been trying to be better about responding to reviews, because there's quite a few good ones. So if I happen to skip over yours, know that I read it and that I probably got a good chuckle out of it.

oOo

The next time that he ran into Yukinoshita Haruno was a planned occurrence; an event that he had been preparing to attend for quite a while. They had finally run out of excuses; Yukino had told him in no uncertain terms that he would have to attend a Yukinoshita family dinner.

"We have been partners for close to a year now, Hachiman. Did you really think that you could, to use your words, catch me without a proper introduction to my parents? Honestly, you're quite lucky that Nee-san's wedding is fast approaching, for they are quite preoccupied with the upcoming nuptials. If it were not for that, there is no chance Mother would have accepted all of your flimsy excuses."

And so, he found himself preparing for what was sure to be the most challenging few hours of his life. Testing into Soubu felt like a cakewalk compared to this, honestly.

He thought back to the year that had passed. So much had changed in the span of only three hundred and sixty five days. Where was he even to begin?

His thoughts turned towards the elder Yukinoshita sibling, the older sister of his lover. Their relationship had been rocky for quite some time. But things became easier between them, especially after Yukino had announced their relationship. After all, there was no avoiding each other anymore, not when he was so involved with her little sister. It meant that they naturally had more reasons to meet, so the distance between them had to close bit by bit.

Of course, it wasn't as though they could ever return to what they had before. And he wasn't really sure he wanted to either. But perhaps they would be able to see each other as family, one day. Or at the very least, they'd be able to speak candidly with each other. The awkwardness would get unbearable quickly.

He still remembered the first time that they met after he and Yukino had altered their relationship. The first steps that they'd taken to get to where they were now. They had run into each other, quite by chance, and yet somehow it occurred once more in front of the time travel cafe. He wondered if somewhere, someone was laughing at them.

It had been strikingly different to that fateful day that he had found Haruno-san skulking around the cafe. When she'd laid out her side of the story, when she'd conveyed to him her disappointment in his actions.

This time, she looked perfect, dressed up every bit as could be expected from the eldest daughter of the Yukinoshita family and the bride to be of the scion of the Shimada conglomerate. She didn't seem all that surprised to see him, even if he was very much surprised to see her. And she remained outwardly calm, although he was nevertheless a little concerned. At first, he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Why this Haruno-san felt so off. She looked as perfect as he had come to expect. But something was different. Something was bothering him.

After a few moments of contemplation, it hit him.

Ah.

Of course.

That was the difference.

Yukinoshita Haruno wasn't smiling.

There was no mask on her face.

She wasn't pretending that everything was sunshine and roses. Her appearance was perfect, like the work of art of a master sculptor. But her behavior, the face that she enjoyed putting on for the world. It was missing. An imperfection.

He couldn't help but stare at her wordlessly, as they stood outside the cafe for quite some time. It was not lost on him that this would be the first time he would be seeing her without her sister also present since the last time they had patronized the cafe together. He was sure that this fact was not lost on her either.

He wasn't sure how to even start a conversation with her. The sum of his experiences having meaningful conversations with a woman was Yukino. And that might as well have been no experience at all; his conversations with Yukino were utterly unreproducible with anyone else.

Their relationship had progressed…weirdly was the only way to describe it really. From the first date to their first kiss, everything had been awkward and decidedly not like his favorite shoujo manga. He didn't suddenly grow wings, the world didn't burst into color, no flowers started blooming around his feet when they shared their first kiss. They'd bumped noses the first time and that had been wholly embarrassing, trying to find the right angle to tilt his head to meet her lips properly. They didn't really get things right until perhaps the third or fourth attempt. But when they figured out how to kiss properly, he'd be a liar if he said that he didn't enjoy it. She had a vanilla-y scent to her, which he quite liked, and the warmth of their closeness did strange and wonderful things to his chest. But it had taken them some time with each step in their relationship, because everything had been so new and unfamiliar.

He'd had very little dating experience thus far. And yet, running into Haruno-san alone again made him feel so awkward that he wondered if this was how exes felt when they ran into each other on the street. And they weren't even exes at all, strictly speaking. In the end, he kept his mouth shut and waited for her to say something. He could stand here in the street all day. That was how uncomfortable he'd felt at the prospect of being the one to initiate the conversation with her.

"So you're a regular at this cafe then, Hikigaya-kun?"

His determination, it seemed, had paid off. She broke the silence.

"Not really, why?"

"It seems as though each time I come, I always find you here, Hikigaya-kun."

"Just coincidence then, Haruno-san. I come perhaps once a month at most."

"Coincidence, huh…"

She trailed off for a moment, before refocusing with a smile. It was the first time that he'd seen it all day, and he immediately wished he hadn't. He preferred her when she was honest.

"Well, no use being silly standing outside like this! Let's head inside."

Clang-dong!

The inside was as chilly as always. The cold permeating through the store was at first a relief from the summer heat, but soon made him regret the T-shirt and shorts he was wearing. Since it was yet another sweltering Chiba summer, he'd die if he wore anything more. So he did his best to ignore the cold and made his way into the store proper.

Akari was behind the counter this time. She had resumed shifts at the cafe after the competition, saying that she wanted to make some money to pay back her parents. He was fairly certain that she was only doing it because after the results of the competition, she was finally working up the courage to make use of the cafe's most unique feature.

Against all odds, she'd placed second. He still remembered the gigantic smile on her face as she told him the news. He had congratulated her genuinely, and then smirked and told her that she owed her burgeoning musical career, at least in part, to him. She'd whacked him over the head, but then hugged him tightly.

"Thank you," she'd whispered.

A week later he was attending the Winners' recital with Yukinoshita.

"I can't believe this, Hikigaya-kun." Yukinoshita began in a tone that he had come to associate with… well, a patented Yukinoshita Yukino moment.

In other words, he was probably screwed.

"What don't you believe, Yukinoshita?" He asked warily.

"I poured out my feelings to you," Yukinoshita began, adopting quite the heartbroken expression. "I laid my heart out, and this is how you repay my feelings?!"

"Err, what'd I do?"

Yukinoshita flicked her hair behind her shoulder and said with a huff, "Honestly, Hikigaya-kun. Our first d-... outing together, and you take me to see the performance of another girl? I have to wonder if the words you spoke that day to me were all just a lie."

"Oh c'mon, Yukinoshita," he groaned in protest. "I thought you were a big classical music enthusiast!"

"Hmph. I find that my enjoyment of the music is completely nullified by your hurtful actions. Oh how I wish I spared my poor maiden heart and never gotten myself involved with you at all."

The old him would have probably put his foot in his mouth and said something stupid enough to warrant an ostrich impression with his pillow. But thankfully, he'd had his fair share of experiences dealing with Yukinoshita she-devils. There was a tried and true method to dealing with them.

And so, making sure to tamp down on his inner desire to cringe, he reached out tentatively and gently brushed the fingers of her hand with his own. She initially stiffened at his touch, almost pulling away from him. But he held on, and eventually managed to slip his hand into hers.

"Yukinoshita, I'm sorry. We don't have to go to the recital if you'd prefer to do something else. I really, truly thought that you would be interested in it. But honestly? I'm happy to accompany you anywhere. I'm happy to chase after you for as long as it takes to catch up."

Were those words embarrassing to say? Absolutely.

Were they effective? Judging by the blush she sported, and the way she held onto his hand pretty much throughout the entirety of the day, he'd chalk it up to a pretty big win. Even if she did start trying to crush the bones in his hand when he was congratulating Akari after the performance was over. Akari still cracked up thinking back on that day.

"Welcome!"

Akari's customer service had gotten a lot better since that first time he met her. Or maybe it was just because they were good friends now.

She took one look at Haruno-san and smirked at him.

"You sure the missus would approve of you having company looking like that."

"Errm-" he began, only to be swiftly cut off by Haruno-san.

"Ara ara, Waitress-chan, but what is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, just that Hikigaya-kun here has quite the possessive girlfriend!"

"Oho! Really? Could you perhaps tell me a bit more?"

He did not like the expression on Haruno-san's face. Not one bit.

Akari shrugged, looking at him with a but more of a serious expression on her face, as if asking for his permission. He was just about getting ready to tell her that absolutely under no circumstances should she ever tell Haruno-san anything about his private life when Haruno-san beat him to the punch.

She must have caught sight of the glance exchanged.

"Oh, don't worry so much! Hikigaya-kun here and I are very… intimate friends." Saying this, she proceeded to grab ahold of his arm with both of hers, effectively snuggling up to his side.

A year ago or so, such a move might have still had an effect on him. But he'd gotten better at quelling the external reactions to these sudden invasions of his personal space. Even if all he could think about internally was wondering how Haruno-san could have possibly gotten luckier than his partner with the Yukinoshita gene pool.

"Last I recalled Haruno-san, you seemed quite averse to any such thoughts of intimacy."

She paused, peering at him as if taken aback by his lack of a reaction, but forged onwards.

"Well, I've had a change of heart! You know how women are, Hikigaya-kun, don't you? We're prone to flights of fancy and ever changing moods!"

He snorted. "I don't think anyone is quite as whimsical as you are, Haruno-san."

"Well, anyways, Waitress-chan! Don't hold out on me. I wanna know all about Hikigaya-kun's love life so please, lay it on me!"

"Uhh-" Akari looked nonplussed.

He groaned. "It's fine. Just so you know, Yukino's her sister. She'll probably find out at some point anyways."

He endured the next half hour of those two laughing at his expense. But he'd take the humiliation, because at least it meant that things wouldn't be as awkward. Having Akari as a third party was also really helpful in that regard, even if he wasn't sure she picked up on whatever leftover tension there might have been.

"-so Hikigaya-kun comes up to me after the performance is over, and he's dragging this girl, your sister I'm assuming, and she's got the funniest look on her face!"

"I can only imagine how she felt!" Haruno-san laughed. "Honestly, Hikigaya-kun, didn't you learn anything about how to treat a woman?"

"Yeah," he deadpanned. "Abandon them before they ruin your life."

Akari scoffed at him. "Oh please lover boy. Every time I see you two together, you're more whipped than a can of nama hoippu wa nomimono."

It was two versus one. A total defeat. Thankfully, there were some customers that Akari had to attend to.

He was left alone again with Haruno-san.

"Things are going well between you and Yukino-chan, huh?"

"I suppose."

The awkwardness came back with a vengeance.

"You look quite uncomfortable, Hikigaya-kun!" She said with a knowing look on her face.

"I'm wondering how you can be so comfortable around me. Didn't you want things to be over?"

She laughed at him once more. "You'll be my brother-in-law someday, Hikigaya-kun. Which means you'll be family. I've got to be a proper Onee-san, you know?"

"We're not even close to that kind of a commitment yet."

"Oh?" She leaned forward, straight into his personal space once more. "Having second thoughts again? I'm sure you know there'll be consequences if you break Yukino-chan's heart!"

"No. But she might get sick of me someday."

"Ufufu, I doubt it."

"Nah, I'm serious! She's got way higher specs than me."

"Ehehehe, trust me Hikigaya-kun Hikigaya-kun. I know my dear little sister very well. Why do you think she's so afraid of Waitress-chan over there?"

He turned to look over at Akari, who was currently serving the customers pourover coffee.

"...Why?"

In a whisper right by his ear, she responded, "She's worried that you'll abandon her, of course."

He turned to look at Haruno-san. She still had that same smile plastered on her face. The perfect Onee-san. But the things she said…

"Are you-" He opened his mouth to ask, but she swiftly cut him off, her words enough to completely turn his attention away from his concerns.

"Soooo, Hikigaya-kun. Tell me! You and Yukino-chan have been spending plenty of private time alone together in her apartment. Have you defiled my little sister yet?"

Thoroughly distracted, he frantically spluttered his denials of having done anything of the sort. And the rest of the time was spent in similar fashion, especially once Akari returned from serving the other customers.

He could never turn the topic of discussion back around again. But when they finally parted ways; when he'd had a chance to reorient himself, he found himself wondering.

Was this really alright?

oOo

"I understand that your brain's capacity for memory is lacking, Hachiman, but I truly underestimated the number of reminders you required."

Yukino's voice was ice cold as she dragged him by the ear towards the luxury vehicle that was patiently waiting in front of the apartment building.

"Sorry- Ow! Stop tugging so hard! I got caught up explaining to Komachi that I'd be meeting your parents tonight. And I was only late by like five minutes!"

"Mother is quite partial towards punctuality, Hikigaya-kun. You would do well to remember that."

He groaned as Yukino opened the door and slid inside, dragging him behind her.

Once they were on their way, she spoke up once more in a low tone, as if she preferred to keep her words out of earshot of the driver.

"Now remember, this is a formal dinner, so Mother will likely be testing your table manners. We have reviewed this before, but remember, always keep one hand free. As for utensils, they should be set up for you. Always use them from the outside in. And whatever you do, make sure not to use the same utensils for two separate courses. And as for conversation-"

"Make eye contact, fix my posture, yada yada." He responded, making no attempts to lower his voice.

She yanked his ear again.

"If we are to proceed further together, you must not disappoint Mother. She could make both our lives quite difficult."

"I'm well aware and I'll do my best."

The rest of the ride was spent in relative silence. The ball of nervousness that had been building up grew progressively worse by the minute. He wondered how he was supposed to enjoy any food in this state. He could tell just by the tension in Yukino's body that she wasn't feeling much better.

Sometimes, he thought that perhaps it was a blessing that both of his parents were rather absentee and didn't care much about his romantic life. Or his social life. Or maybe his general quality of life. Leaving yen instead of home-cooked food certainly suggested this.

The car finally slowed to a stop in front of a set of tall iron wrought gates. Even at a distance it was easy to tell that the whole place could only be owned by the very upper crust of Japan. The grounds were immaculately maintained, and the mansion inside was awe-inspiring in size and appearance.

It took a little while longer for the gates to open and for their car to trundle along the well-paved road to the front entrance. By the time they finally arrived, he'd begun to feel slightly nauseous. The breath of fresh air, scented with the faint smell of roses, as they stepped out from the car helped a bit, but by the time that the door was answered by a butler of some sort, he was in full fight or flight mode.

"The young mistress has arrived." The butler proclaimed as he led them into what ostensibly was the dining room, but had the appearance of a full ballroom instead.

"Ora! Welcome home, Yukino-chan!" The first one to get up and greet them was Haruno-san, that same bright smile plastered on her face. He had idly wondered once if Haruno-san also kept her mask on at home with her family.

It seemed, perhaps, that it was simply a part of her everyday life now.

Beside her, also rising to her feet, was an older woman. It was easy to tell, just from a glance exactly who she was. The Yukinoshita matriarch was every bit as beautiful as her daughters, and despite having at least a couple of decades on them, it seemed that her beauty had yet to begin to fade.

He clenched his fists and shoved them into his pockets, his nails digging into the palm of his hand. He was ready, after all, to do a proper introduction, like Yukino had taught him. He was ready to have this sit down dinner, to answer any and every question thrown at him. To prove that he was worthy.

It was time for the show to begin, but…

"Oh, well isn't this a surprise?" The quiet confidence of the voice jarred him from his mental preparations. He hadn't noticed him at first. Perhaps because he hadn't expected him to be here, at this dinner. But that was a mistake. Of course he was here.

This was, after all, a family dinner.

"It's nice to see you again, Fake Boyfriend-kun." From the other side of the table, the man carefully set down the glass of wine that he had been holding and stood up, offering his hand with that same genial smile on his face that he remembered.

He'd knowingly walked into the lion's den with this dinner, of course. But now he was really regretting the fact that he hadn't tried to get out of all of this by giving himself food poisoning like he'd planned.

The physical discomfort would have been nothing compared to how he felt right now, after all.

oOo

"I'm surprised that you remember me, Shimada-kun," he blurted out.

"Ah, but you made quite the impression on me when we last met, Hikigaya-kun. And it seems as though you remember me quite well."

"W-well you are quite famous, after all."

Shimada-kun laughed. He supposed that it was a genuine expression of mirth, but the sound did nothing but bring a shiver down his back.

"That, I suppose, is true."

"Well isn't this a surprise." The Yukinoshita matriarch's words cut across their conversation like a sharp wind in the midst of a blizzard. "I had not expected two individuals such as yourselves to be previously acquainted."

Shimada-kun laughed once more. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

"Well, Mother, it's quite the amusing story, if I do say so myself."

He was already calling the Yukinoshita matriarch Mother?!

"Oh?" She almost sounded intrigued like she was interested in this conversation.

"Indeed. I remember it as if it were yesterday, that's how much entertainment that day brought me."

"Well, you must regale me with that tale someday, Shimada-kun." Mrs. Yukinoshita declared. "I must apologize, however, as we have more pressing matters to attend to. Now that Yukino has arrived I would like to introduce myself to her beau. My name is Kikuko Yukinoshita, and I have been very much looking forward to your visit, Hikigaya Hachiman. Please sit and make yourself comfortable, I hope that the accommodations are agreeable and the refreshments palatable to you."

Thrown off by the sudden change in topic and still rather distracted by the presence of Shimada-kun, he couldn't muster up much of a response.

"T-thank you. My name is Hikigaya Hachiman and I'm a classmate of your daughter's. "

"Classmate?" The Yukinoshita matriarch's voice was tinged with only the barest hint of confusion, almost as if she'd put it there to give off the impression of bafflement rather than any real inability to understand what he'd said.

He felt Yukino, who'd taken the seat to his left, kick him in the shin. Hard.

He did his best not to wince. Right. He'd forgotten. This dinner was no time to be bashful.

"My apologies, madam. I misspoke. I meant to say that I am the boyfriend of your daughter."

"And you believe that you can make her happy? That you can help her achieve the greatest successes in life?"

"I believe that those are two separate questions, madam. But I have no qualms against giving my all for her happiness or her success."

She chuckled lightly at his response, although it didn't reach her eyes. They remained staring at him, unblinking and without emotion.

If Yukinoshita Haruno was sculpted to be the girl with the perfect mask; the pretty and perfect heiress that never showed a single flaw or weakness, then this woman before him must have been her sculptor. There was no other explanation for it.

It was terrifying, the way emotions were born and then died on her face. Joy, mirth, sadness, confusion, or otherwise; she could present those emotions easily to even the most observant of people. But those emotions were just that, a presentation, an imitation of the real thing. If the eyes were windows to the soul, then those emotions never reached them. They never reached her soul, and they could be removed on a moment's whim.

"I suppose it is my mistake then, Hikigaya-kun," she said, and he shuddered.

Before he could utter another word, although if he were to be honest he wasn't entirely sure what he could have said, the Yukinoshita matriarch had already turned away towards Yukino.

"Do you agree with him, Yukino? Is Hikigaya-kun the person that you believe to be the best partner for your future endeavors?"

"Of course, Mother.."

"And how have you come to such a conclusion?"

Yukino paused, as if considering her words. He would've been hurt if he didn't realize just how important it was to get this answer right.

"There are many facets to Hikigaya-kun that I considered when I chose him to be my partner," she began, and he internally winced. He hated it, the way that she made their relationship sound like a transaction, or perhaps some sort of contract rather than a relationship. But having seen the glimpses into her life; having a better understanding than most of the Yukinoshita family… he kept his mouth shut.

"He brings a fresh perspective to the table, and I value his judgment and support as I continue to strive to improve myself. He… he makes me believe. He makes me believe in myself, that one day…-"

She paused, and then met her mother's gaze squarely. "One day, I would like to be involved in the family business. With Nee-san's upcoming nuptials and expected entry into Shimada-kun's sphere, that responsibility will fall to me. I know that you and Father have very high standards for our company, and it has always been my goal to reach that standard. I understand and believe that I have a long way to go before I can confidently say that I will be able to continue your successes, but with Hikigaya-kun, I know that I will be able to reach those lofty heights."

There was silence, and then from that silence came a laugh. A deep, hearty laugh, as if the person in question had just heard the funniest joke in the world.

"Was there something I said that could be misconstrued for an attempt at humor, Shimada-kun?"

Yukino's voice was colder than he could ever remember it being. Even when they had first met, when she had the worst first impression of him; she had never sounded so cold.

"I couldn't help but find it amusing that you found so many ways to describe to us how your partner is simply your emotional support. Could you not have found a better option? Perhaps someone with better… qualifications?" Shimada-kun said.

He felt his hands curl unconsciously, balling the fabric of his trousers into his hands. But before he could even get a word in, Yukino had already beaten him to the punch.

"Better qualifications?" she responded icily. "Hikigaya-kun makes me happy. What could be a better qualification than that?"

"Ahh, the naivete of youth," he sighed, smiling back at her almost mockingly. "I suppose that one day you will realize that this ideal of yours; this dream of love and the perfect marriage, it's not realistic nor sustainable. But I'm being unfair here to this puppy love that the two of you share. After all, I suppose you both are young enough to make these mistakes. It's not a bad thing, after all, to enjoy your youth. But when you grow up, my dear Yukino-chan, I hope that you'll realize that happiness isn't quite what you expected it to be."

"I find it particularly laughable that someone such as yourself could claim to know anything about happiness," Yukinoshita replied defiantly.

He laughed, then turned to Haruno.

"Well, Haruno? Why don't you enlighten your little sister? You were once like her, weren't you? Chasing after your idea of happiness. But you've grown up now. Are you happy now?"

She didn't let it show on her face, but he could tell that she seemed a little taken aback at the sudden turn of the conversation. As if she had been content up until a moment ago to simply watch and enjoy the show, and was now scrambling to find a response, having been dragged into the heart of the argument.

There was a moment of silence, and it was once more broken by a laugh. But this time, it was Haruno who was laughing, although perhaps it would have been more accurate to call it a giggle.

"You know me so well, Shimada-kun! Indeed, you're right. Once upon a time, I did have ideals that were quite similar to Yukino-chan. Back then, just like her, I would have said that what I have right now wouldn't have made me very satisfied. It makes me happy, honestly, to see how alike we are. As an older sister I always hoped that my baby sister would follow my lead. And so, in the same way that I did, I think that she'll eventually grow up and realize the same things. That my dreams were only dreams; that I had to make my own happiness with what I had."

Haruno smiled then; that perfect smile that he'd seen time after time. "Yukino-chan… one day you'll wake up from this very same dream. It'll be painful. You'll have to learn to let some things go. There's no such thing as a painless lesson, after all. But I believe you'll be able to find your own happiness, just like I did."

"Well said!" Shimada-kun cut in. "Yukino-chan, you don't have to believe a word that I say today. These lessons, they're all a part of growing up, after all. You still have plenty of time."

He then turned to the Yukinoshita matriarch, who had kept surprisingly quiet during the entire exchange. "Mother, I've changed my mind. I thought that perhaps showing Yukino-chan the right path would be for the best, but perhaps it is better for her to learn on her own."

She regarded him quietly for a few moments, her face betraying nothing. Even he, who had always prided himself on his observation skills, had no inkling as to where the Yukinoshita matriarch stood on this.

In the end she simply smiled and turned to her youngest daughter. "Well I will certainly be very much looking forward to watching your relationship progress."

He shuddered.

oOo

The rest of the meal did not get any easier. Shimada-kun had seemed to take some weird sort of interest in him, asking him a myriad of questions regarding his background, from his parents to his schooling. He did his best to keep his answers minimalist, and controlled himself to the best of his ability whenever his questions took on a more… mocking edge.

"Your parents, they work in the corporate world, don't they?" Shimada-kun asked as the plates from the appetizer were cleared.

"Yes," he replied, almost mechanically.

"What exactly is it that they do? It's very rare that I get a chance to see what the common mass's lives are like."

"Well, I suppose the concept of working at a job can be difficult to comprehend."

Shimada-kun laughed. "That's true. I pity those who have to spend such long hours mindlessly slaving away for the gain of others, working for a pittance while sacrificing all semblance of a happy family life."

He gritted his teeth. It was only the cautionary squeeze of Yukino's hand covering his own which deterred his… slightly less than polite response.

By the time the dessert was being served, he was quite sure that there would be permanent fingernail marks on the inside of his palms.

"I must thank you for the meal, Mother." Shimada-kun spoke up once more. "It was wonderful to get a chance to sit down properly with everyone and enjoy such delightful conversation."

"You're quite welcome," she replied evenly. "I trust that everything was satisfactory?"

"Quite," he smirked. "Although I must profess my disappointment that I will have to miss what appears to be an excellent dessert."

"Oh, do you have other engagements for the night?"

"Nothing too formal, I simply have to speak with Father. He was oh so disappointed that he couldn't make it tonight, and wished for me to regale him on his future in-laws."

"Oh? Well I too was quite disappointed that he could not make it tonight. I hope that, after tonight, I can count on a future meal with him?"

Shimada-kun laughed. "I'm sure that he will make time for it in the future. I'll make it a point to mention the sashimi tonight. He quite enjoys it."

It was only after the man had left that he finally got a chance to exhale. He'd made it.

Yukino nudged him, and he turned to look at her.

She gave him a small smile and mouthed the words well done. It made him feel better.

Without Shimada-kun, the conversation lulled. Yukinoshita's Mother seemed lost in thought, and Haruno-san was idly twirling her wine glass. Yet somehow the silence was far nicer than any conversation had been.

After the last plates had been cleared, Yukino cleared her throat, and then said, "Well, thank you for the meal, Mother but I believe it is time for Hikigaya-kun to depart. We still have school tomorrow, after all."

"One moment, Yukino." Her Mother spoke up. "I believe we have some matters to discuss."

"Can it not wait for a later date?"

"I'm afraid not, Yukino. After all, you declared quite vocally your intentions of, as you say, involving yourself in the family business. If you intend to follow through on such a declaration, well, the earlier we start the better."

"... Will it take long?"

Her mother laughed. "Oh, not long at all, my dear. I'll tell you what, why don't you and I take, oh I don't know, thirty minutes to discuss things while your sister shows Hikigaya-kun around? After all, I'm sure he will have more opportunities to visit, and I would hate for him to lose his way here."

He gulped inwardly, both at the implications that he'd have to be back here, and at the prospect of 30 minutes alone with Haruno-san.

Yukino looked at him questioningly and he sighed inwardly.

"I'm okay with that," he said.

"Wonderful!" Yukino's mother exclaimed. "Haruno, why don't you two start in the gardens?"

Haruno paused for a brief moment, looking like she wanted to make some sort of complaint. For a second, he thought that maybe she would actually finally say no to her Mother. Then the moment passed and she was grabbing her wine glass and finishing it off.

"Let's go, Hikigaya-kun."

He was just about halfway to the door when her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Oh and Hikigaya-kun?"

He turned to find the Yukinoshita matriarch had also risen from her seat. Her hands rested delicately on top of the chair, and she wore a bright smile, brighter than anything that he'd seen up to this point on her face.

It sent a shiver up his spine.

"I must admit that you have surprised me."

He stiffened. "Was it a… good surprise?"

"Of course. There would have been no need for me to mention an unwelcome surprise."

"Err- then I'm glad?"

She chuckled.

"You're an interesting one. Do you hold not one whit of curiosity on why I find you so surprising?"

"I think I'll manage to quell my curiosity. After all, you have a much more important conversation you need to have, right?"

"I suppose so. Next time, then."

Privately, he thought that he'd rather get run over by their car again than suffer through another one of these dinners. But this was part and parcel of the choice he'd made all those months ago, with Yukino.

So he simply smiled and excused himself.

Haruno had evidently given up on waiting for him inside. But the side door, the door that was leading into the gardens, had been left open, indicating that she had headed out first.

He took a deep breath.

Yukino wasn't the only one who had a difficult conversation ahead of them.

oOo

"Do you like flowers, Hikigaya-kun?"

The question came from the woman perched on the edge of a gurgling fountain. It was magnificent, chiseled out of fine marble; a replica of the Birth of Venus the centerpiece of the decorative aesthetics. He found Haruno-san there; her hand outstretched, letting the stream of water flow through her fingertips.

"Uhh- as much as anyone would like them, I suppose."

"So not very much at all, then."She sighed, slipping off the edge of the fountain before turning to face him. She wore a pensive look on her face; as if she wasn't quite sure how she had gotten into this situation, nor what she should do now that she had found herself here.

Eventually, she simply set off into the winding maze that formed the gardens, a careless "walk with me" thrown over her shoulder.

He followed her through the rows upon rows of well-maintained greenery; most of them barely recognizable to him. The silence stretched on uncomfortably, broken only by the rhythmic crunching of their footsteps on the pebbles of the path.

"Is that… was that… how things always are?" He asked awkwardly. He wasn't much of a conversation starter, but any conversation would have been preferably to letting the silence continue to drag on.

"Hmm?" Haruno hummed. "You mean the dinner?"

"Yeah. Are they always so… tiring?"

She laughed. "Tiring? That wasn't even a formal dinner, Hikigaya-kun! You won't know the meaning of tiring until you attend one of those."

"No thank you. I'll be very busy after all. Studying for entrance exams and whatnot."

"Make all the excuses you want, but you'll still find yourself at one of them, just like you found yourself here today."

"How do you handle that? I mean, it's like your daily life, right?"

Haruno peered back at him. "What are you talking about? It's, as you said, my daily life. I was raised to be able to handle all of this."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

She laughed.

"Does it bother you that you don't have the finest chef in the prefecture making you meals?"

"No. Komachi's cooking is more than good enough for me."

"Exactly."

The conversation stalled as they trudged along the well-lit path. They were always like this now. The conversations, the brief times they spent together. Stilted and choppy. Broken apart.

That bothered him the most. How uncomfortable it always felt.

That's what he wanted to change. He might have given up on a full reconciliation, but he wanted them to find some common ground, at least.

"About what you said earlier," he broke the silence.

"Hmm? What did I say earlier?"

"At dinner."

"Oh. That."

"Yeah. I…-" He struggled with his words.

She turned to face him, leaning against the lamppost with a slight frown on her face, arms crossed beneath her chest.

"I don't like what you said."

She laughed rather incredulously. "You… don't like what I said?"

"Yes. When you said that you'd given up on your dreams, and how we should just try to make our own happiness out of the lot we're given in life. I…-"

"Was I wrong? There's not a single person alive on this planet that's managed to achieve everything they wanted to achieve. It's impossible, Hikigaya-kun. And those that believe that they can do it are fools, or delusional."

"But that doesn't mean you should just give up! Of course we aren't able to make all of our dreams come true. But that's the point of our dreams, isn't it? We work hard every day because we want to achieve something; because we have a dream that we want to attain. Isn't that the point?"

"What's the point of pouring all that time and effort into some pipe dream that will never come true? It's like telling a paralyzed person that if they just work hard every single day, they'll be able to walk on their own someday. It's a cruel lie, because the moment that they realize that it's impossible, that no matter how hard they try, they'll never be able to walk; that all of their efforts were completely wasted, then it will crush them. They'll never be the same again."

They stared at each other, each breathing heavily. Haruno-san's face was red, her face was heaving, and her eyes glittered in a way he'd never seen before.

"Don't you think it's unfair, Haruno?" he asked quietly. "Don't you think that it's silly, that even after all this time, you're still using what happened between us as justification for being miserable, and then blaming it all on me?"

"Unfair? Unfair?"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. A lot of things; I didn't handle very well. But I was also too young and dumb and intimidated back then to really understand what you wanted. Hell, I'm still too young and dumb to understand what girls want in general; Yukino'll tell you that in an instant if you asked her. I won't deny that, and I think even you are sick of hearing me apologize for it, so I won't."

He took a deep breath.

"But that doesn't make it okay for you to just give up, and blame it on me. Did you really expect a junior high kid to be able to… to turn your life upside down? This isn't a fairytale. You said you were happy earlier, but I think you're a liar. In fact, I know you're a liar, Yukinoshita Haruno, because I know you. You're unhappy, and funnily enough, you want to remain unhappy. You want to stay unhappy and to keep blaming your unhappiness on me, because it alleviates your own regrets, doesn't it? If your unhappiness wasn't caused by yourself, it becomes an easier pill to swallow."

She flinched, sucking in an audible breath.

"I…I- that's not…-"

He pressed forward. Haruno was the type of person where it was nearly impossible to break down their defenses. He needed to keep going, before she got a chance to recover, before she put all her walls back up.

"I care about you, Haruno. Yukino is my partner, and that is a fact that makes me happier than anyone else in the world. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But that doesn't mean that I can't, or don't, care about you. I care about you more than just because you're my partner's older sister. I want you to find that same happiness. Maybe your happiness doesn't wind up looking the same as you once imagined it would be. But it exists out there, somewhere, for you to reach out and grasp."

She was silent for a long time, her eyes staring at the flowers planted just beyond the place where the path ended. It was a patch of chrysanthemums. It was hard to make out much beyond that underneath the dim light from the lamppost. Perhaps they were yellow chrysanthemums. He figured that they would be beautiful under a sunny sky. But he might never get the chance to see them bloom.

"Let's head back. I'm feeling a little drunk."

In the end, she didn't wind up responding to his words. Still, avoidance was better than outright rejection of what he was saying.

It wasn't like he wouldn't have chances to change her mind in the future.

oOo