So I have never actually seen MHA and kinda found BakuDeku by accident. Sadly I didn't know about the bullying amd my brother had told me so now I don't want to watch it and ruin them for myself. I have however read some fanfictions and mostly got all my information from them.

So I apologise for any mistakes or OOC behaviour in this Fic. It is only short and I'm not sure if i'll continue it.

Trigger Warning : Bullying, mention of suicide attempts, self harm

Izuku's POV

The nightmare ripped him from his unconsciousness, he was sweating, his eyes stung and it hurt to breathe. He fisted his hair looking around to see he was in his room. Alone, safe, and not at the mercy of Kacchan. His shoulder burnt and his hand moved from his hair to cover the scar and its phantom pain. It was getting worse, and he looked at the card on his night stand again. Part of him, the logical part, the tired and broken part of him wanted to do it. But his heart hurt at the thought. The idea of letting Kacchan go, giving up just hurt and it left him glaring at the card. He wasn't an idiot, he knew his feelings were pointless, unwanted and only painful for himself. But he couldn't let him go, and he knew why. He knew it was the memories of them as children, before quirks and bullying and attempted suicides. The memories of who he used to be, who he could be if he would just accept Izuku. He was amazing, even as a kid he was more loyal than anyone he had ever known, fighting for him, taking the blame and showing Izuku the most kindness he had ever experienced outside of his family. And Izuku didn't blame him for pulling away, he was going to be the next number one hero and he just knew he'd hold him back. But now he had his quirk, and he'd shown he could be a good ally yet Kacchan still rejected him. Sighing he crawled out of his sticky and sweat covered bed. Last night was pretty brutal, and his right ear stung from the burn from Kacchan and there was still a slight ringing. It wasn't deliberate he knew that but it still hurt. He didnt even apologise.

He didn't want to kill himself, he knew it would cause Kacchan immense guilt, and cause his mum severe pain. His friends would blame Kacchan and he couldn't bring himself to agree to that. But it was getting harder to take Kaachans anger and his hate. After a heavy sigh he picked up the card and reached for his phone. It was almost four in the morning but he was told time wasn't an issue. The phone rang three times when a soothing woman's voice answered

"Yes?"

"Oh um... I got this number from an uh friend? Yeah a friend and was told you um have a memory quirk, that you can help me forget?" He mumbled and for a moment the line was silent.

"How old are you?" She asked carefully and he frowned

"Fifteen" he answered truthfully

"I don't wipe minors" she said and he almost face palmed but remained calm

"I-i don't want you to um 'wipe' me. I just... I have this... Old friend turned bully" his throat felt like it closed up "and I can't... I can't let my feelings go because of our memories- when we were friends I mean. I kinda hoped if you took that... affection away I can finally let go? Be happier? I don't know if that makes sense" he frowned and she didn't respond

"I'm sorry bu-"

"Please?" He begged his voice breaking "this is my last option! I can't take it anymore and I don't want to hurt anyone" he didn't need to say more. The implication was enough and he knew that when she sighed

"When?" She asked softly and his heart leapt into his throat

"S-saturday. I can come on Saturday" he said eagerly

"Very well. I will send you the address and the payment, as you're a high schooler and this is..." she sighed "I'll take a payment plan if you can't afford it all in one. Though I do suggest telling your parents if you have them. Name?"

"Izuku" he sniffled as tears fell he heard the scratching of her pen

"We will talk more when I see you. Saturday at 11, alright?"

"Y-yes! Thank you!" He stammered and the line went dead. His heart was pounding his body shaking. He was going to do it. Wipe his Kacchan from his memories. He'd never felt so terrified. But he'd held on for over a decade and he wasn't sure he could do it for much longer. And more than anything he didn't want to cause others pain. Which he also knew was wrong. Even now worrying about his death affecting Kacchan. He knew because if Urakaka had said this to him he would be furious, he'd drag her away from the guy causing her such pain, stage an intervention. The whole nine yards. Nothing short of putting the guy in the hospital and daring him to come near her again. He sighed rubbing his head as he exited his dorm. It was Friday. He only had to get through the day, put a request to go home in and then he'd be free... well, sort of. He didn't think the treatment from Kacchan would ease up. But he'd be able to react the way someone should in this situation, right?

-

He packed his bag and was in the communal room saying bye to Urakaka and Todoroki before looking over to Kacchan, his heart squeezed and he thought about cancelling.

"Thank Ieda for me please" he told Urakaka and she smiled sadly to him.

"I'm coming with you" Todoroki announced and Izuku smiled as his heart beat a little faster. He had come a long way, and he loved Todoroki for caring.

"Yo-"

"It's dodgy and dangerous, you aren't going alone Izuku" he said in a final tone picking up his own bag from behind his feet that Izuku didn't see. "I'll freeze you to the spot if you fight me on this" he said blankly and Izuku nodded

"What's dangerous, nerd?" Kacchan's voice asked harshly causing him to jump and swivel around. There he was, tall, scowling and gorgeous. Izuku wished he didn't immediately think about how much he liked Kacchan but it was a losing battle.

"Oh, Kacchan. Nothing. Actually I'm going home for the weekend" he looked to his two friends who nodded and walked away

"I'll be at the gate" Todoroki said and left them there

"C-can I talk to you?" He tried but Kacchan scoffed turning away. Before he could really worry about the retaliation he grabbed Kacchans wrist "please! I just... I have something to say I a promise I'll leave you alone after that"

Kacchan visibly bristled at the words pulling his arm free

"The fuck you talking about?" He snapped and Izuku walked to the exit and hoped he'd follow. He saw Todoroki near the gate and sighed and part of him was unhappy Kacchan followed

"I will leave today and come Monday... I'll stop trying" he said and Kaachan only looked confused. "I- I hope you get all you want Kacchan and I can't wait to see you be named number one. And I hope... with me leaving you alone you can grow and that anger will leave with me"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He asked and he looked confused and if Izuku didn't know any better a little frightened.

"It doesn't matter" he smiled "just know I've never blamed you, I've never hated you and if that changes..." his voice cracked and Kacchans eyes widened ever so slightly"remember this is how I really feel"

A tight hand grip Izuku's and it was rather uncomfortable.

"This sounds like a fucking goodbye" he hissed and Izuki smiled his lips shaking as he tried to hold back his tears

"Obviously, I'm going home" he teased lightly and pulled his hands free "goodbye, Kacchan" he turned and ran to Todoroki and the closer he got the easier his tears fell. Todoroki just put his arm over Izuku's shoulders

"He'll be fine"

"I know" Izuku nodded wiping his eyes and that's what hurt.

-

Katsuki POV

The fuck was that? He didn't move, watching half and half put his arm over Deku in a clear sigh of comfort. A part of him worried he was going to kill himself but he knew Deku wouldn't take half and half with him for that. He had a bad feeling, and he wanted to drag the nerd back and demand a clearer explanation.

"Yo, Bakubro?"

"What?" He snapped turning to Shitty hair

"I uh, I caught that. Sorry. But you okay?" He asked and Katsuki sighed Kirishima knew. Not the extent but he knew Katsuki cared about Deku, he knew he was struggling with that fact, he knew he was struggling with the guilt of his actions, even if at first they stemmed from good reasons... stupid logic of a four year old. He couldn't point when it went from trying to protect Deku, to the point he was just punishing him for his own guilt. It was fucked up and he knew it, but the fact Deku never gave up just pissed him off. The fact Deku never blamed him, or fought back, or even got pay back even a little bit after being given One for All. Katsuki knew he deserved it, and he kind of wished Deku would return the treatment, wished he'd leave a permanent scar on him as he had done to Deku. He thought maybe it would help him let go of some of his rage, help Deku heal a bit. But even now he couldn't get out of his own way, when he felt it. He should stop him, drag his ass back to the dorms. It settled in his stomach and he the sounds of small explosions popped from his clenched hands.

"I have a bad feeling" he answered and turned to Kirishima "I don't like it" he huffed stuffing his hands into his pockets to storm back up to the dorm. It wasn't his business, that's what he told himself. He had no right to butt in. When he entered the communal area he saw pink cheeks, four eyes and Pinkie all huddled together talking quietly. He didn't fucking miss the way they stopped upon seeing him, all three of them giving him a concerned, sad and somewhat accusatory looks. Did they all know what was going on? That was a good sign he thought, at least that means the idiot won't try to kill himself again. It was a dark day when he had gotten the call from his mother. The good thing was that he was training, alone, in the far end of the school premises. He had blown the wall and the surrounding trees apart in his grief and guilt. The pro heroes had to keep the curious students at bay and it took for Aizawa to use his quirk on him to stop the explosions long enough for Katsuki to get a grip on himself. Questions arose but he managed to bullshit his way out of it with the extras. Aizawa seemed to already know though. He suspects it's what kept him from being excluded. Katsuki doesn't even know if Deku knew he knew.

So he'd come back, right?

-

Izuki POV

He sat opposite his mother on Saturday morning, Todoroki at his side as she looked absolutely appalled. But his mind was made up. He couldn't do it.

"No" she deadpanned "that is the stupidest thing you have ever said. Izuku!-"

"I know the risks Mum. But it's only a small thing, I think if I erase the root to my... problems I can move on" he put his hands over his wrists and she paled as she noted the movement. She didn't need to ask, and neither did Todoroki apparently, he put his head on Izuku's shoulder in comfort. Well shit, Izuku thought.

"And if you get worse? If you let go of Katsuki and then have no reason to-" she cut off her voice sounding choked and Izuku had no words.

"K-Kacchan?" He asked weakly the attempt to sound confused was pathetic even to his own ears

"I know exactly what he has done!" She said and at that Izuku felt his heart break, because... because he didn't want her to blame Kacchan, she was his mums best friend and this didn't need to get between that. But he had no argument.

"It's worse because I won't give up. If I forget it, and stop trying to get my friend back he will stop... its only him left mum... and... its getting in his way, I'm still holding him back"

"And you're still thinking of him!" She almost yelled. Izuku looked at his hands and didn't even argue, she was right, of course. But he believed this would help him too, he truly did.

"I will be there too. I will look after him Mrs Midoriya" Todoroki spoke up and his voice was so soothing even Mum had relaxed a little.

"And I appreciate it, but my decision is the same"

"This is happening mum" Izuki said softly letting his wrists go "this is it. Now or never" he hoped he was being sincere enough for her to understand. "I can't" he emphasised and her eyes widened

"I'll think about it" she finally spoke after a minute of silence. At that she got up and left him and Todoroki at the dining table

"Are you sure about this?" He asked

"Not even a little bit" he sighed shaking slightly he didn't want to throw away the good memories, he didn't want to give up on Kacchan but he no longer had faith in his own strength.

"I'll be there" Todoroki assured him before looking hesitant for a moment then weaving his fingers through Izuku's "even after everything"

Izuku nodded feeling guilty. He knew how Todoroki felt, he had told him. And he hadn't taken it badly when Izuku explained he couldn't return his feelings.

"Todoroki" he whispered

"I expect nothing" he said firmly "I'm here as your friend. Maybe one day you'll see me the way I want, maybe you won't. But I will still always be your friend" he admitted and Izuku couldn't even hold back the tears. He's a good guy, why couldn't he have feelings for him? Why couldn't he just try? He looked at the clock and saw it was almost time to go, weirdly the address wasn't far from his mum's house.

"Thank you Todoroki" he whispered not trusting his voice not to crack.

-

The woman was tall, she looked stern and rather annoyed at the situation but was surprisingly soft and explained it all well. Even took Todoroki glaring at her and his mother's incessant questions.

"I assure you it is safe, but I have to warn you, how you change to the person I can't predict. You may become hostile, or more fearful or out right ignore them. You understand?"

He chewed on his bottom lip and nodded be hoped he would be himself, he had never blamed anyone and he hoped that stayed true. But he had sent another text to Kacchan as they drove over explaining any negative changes was not because of him but because of Izuku's own actions today.

"I understand"

"Given the situation, I want to hold onto the memories for a while" she had said leaning down to look into Izuku's eyes "usually I just take them away and that's that, they are gone"

"So why hold onto his?" Todoroki asked and she smiled softly to him before looking back to Izuku

"Because you are a child. And you may regret this"

"I'll remember?" He asked surprised

"Yes. I will explain it to you after I take them. But first we need to discuss what you want me to take. It'll take a while" she announced and he nodded.

-

Katsuki POV

His phone buzzed again and he growled yanking it off of his dresser to glare at the multiple calls from the Hag that he had ignored, and the messages but seeing Deku's name on the screen quelled all the rage. Deku never messaged him and that itself was concerning so he opened it.

Kacchan.

I don't know what our relationship will be after today. And I want you to remember what I said. How I was is how I truly felt if I change its nothing to do with you but what I've done today. I am sorry for always bothering you, and I hope this helps. I hope this stops me holding you back and you can finally take bigger steps to our dream.

Goodbye, Kacchan

The Hag's name came across his screen, again. The text freaked him out, and now he had a feeling she knew what the hell was happening so he answered it

"What the fuck did you do brat?" She asked her voice cold, with anger he hadn't heard since he was a child. He immediately felt defensive but given the weirdness he could only assumed she meant Deku. And for that, at least right now he had nothing to say

"What do you mean fucking hag? I've been in my room all day" he snapped

"Inko called me" she answered and Katsuki felt his heart drop. Did he finally tell her? Did Auntie and mum fight because of it? "You fucking stupid brat! I knew you two had problems but for it to go so far! For him to go so far!" She was furious and her voice cracked which was enough for him to straighten up with a cold shiver running down his spine

"What did he do?" He asked his voice void of his usual hostility "Mum!?" He asked and the sigh from her broke his heart

"Why couldn't you just tell him?" She asked and Katsuki stepped back as if she was in front of him trying to hit him. He glared at his wall, because what the hell did she know?

"What did he do?" He asked again

"He has gone to a memory wiper" her voice was soft, and he sensed her trying to tell him as softly as she was capable and his heart fell as the room began to spin "he's erasing you from his memories" she finished and at that he was shaking. He felt a cold sweat and had to try to remember not to let his explosions off. His chest felt tight and he couldn't breathe

"Brat?" His mother's voice came dull, right, the phone. But he couldn't speak he could only focus on not blowing up his room. Shit. He lost him, Deku left him and he didn't know it would hurt so much. This was what he wanted, he wanted to be punished, he wanted Deku to heal and he couldn't ask him not to- he wanted his anger, he didn't want to be erased. Especially from the one and only person who knew him. The real him before the anger and the quirks and- he shook his head "Katsuki! Maseru! Call Kirishima- he's act-"

"N-no!" He croaked out his voice sounded strange he needed to be contained "Aizawa" he croaked out and felt the tears fall as the phone broke in his hands, his face felt hot as he realised he had blown up his phone. He collapsed to the floor clenching his fists as he tried not to set the carpet on fire. He's gone, he is gone. It repeated in his head and he couldn't handle it. This was his punishment. He tried to hold onto the fact that at least he wasn't trying to kill himself, he wasn't going to hurt himself again. His explosion built up and he couldn't even keep his fists clenched. It pushed out over his head hitting the corner between the window and ceiling. The faint sound of glass, and screams echoed in his head but he was to busy seeing Deku, and he couldn't remember when he had a real smile from him, ones like when they were kids... probably when he got his quirk. He was so happy for him, noting everything he could see about it. He didn't even seem sad he hadn't gotten his yet. He wanted to see that smile. He wanted to see it, but he never would. He may not even get a smile from him ever again.

"Bakugo!" Came a familiar voice and he wondered when he had come in, he looked up into glowing red eyes and immediately felt his quirk die down. His mind went quiet as his explosions silenced. Only three words resounded in his head your own fault.

He collapsed on the floor vaguely spotting a flash of red behind Aizawa and he had closed the door. He hadn't slept and the panic attack had drained him

"Izuku" he choked out before blacking out.