I'm back with a new PATB short story! We all know the Brain wants to take over the world and that he's always failed, but very rarely has he looked in the mirror for a reason behind his failures. In this character study, he finally takes the opportunity to look inside himself and do a little soul-searching... and realizes what the consequences of his actions could be.
Author note: I'm not a Swiftie by any means, but I fell in love with the song "Anti-Hero" and thought it fit the Brain perfectly. Thus, my inspiration for this little character study. I also owe huge thanks to the great Maurice LaMarche, who also holds true to the idea that Brain's ego is his own undoing - and that this tenacious mouse isn't a villain, but rather an antihero.
Sometimes, I think I get older, but never wiser.
I know that sounds melodramatic, but it does bear a ring of truth. I have spent my life trying to take over the world, only to have every single attempt blow up in my face. I've heard it asked as to who is the genius and who is insane regarding Pinky and myself. On the surface and in every other respect, I am certainly the genius. However, given that adage about insanity – that it's doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result – it's just possible that I am, in fact, insane.
Why do I persist in this pipe dream? Most would say I have control issues, and to an extent, that is true. You try living in a science lab for years, constantly being manhandled and subjected to demoralizing experiments and not want some semblance of control. Others might accuse me of villainy, and that is their right. Far be it from me to muzzle anyone's opinion. However, my motives for taking over the world are not nefarious. Just ask Pinky.
Yes, I know. I can hear you thinking Of course Pinky will defend you; he'll believe pigs can fly! It's true that Pinky can be an utter ignoramus at times, but… he has also been a loyal, true friend to me. Honestly, he's been a far better friend that I deserve, and it isn't easy for me to admit that – to anyone, much less myself. Pinky has stuck with me even when my best-laid plans go completely awry, even when I have vented my frustrations on him. And often, I wonder… what will I do if he's gone? In truth, he's the only one who has remained in my life. My family doesn't speak to me anymore, and I'm ashamed to say it was by my own design. I thought my genius made them beneath me, unworthy of my time and devotion. Sometimes, I wonder if the loneliness is worth it. My family may not physically be here, but it feels as though their ghosts are in the room – always watching, silently judging. I never thought shame was in my vocabulary, but it overwhelms me at times with the weight of my sins. Shame at cutting off my family, the manipulation tactics I've resorted to, my treatment of Pinky… it can be too much to bear.
My conscience has frequently chastised me, scolding that I shouldn't be left to my own devices. While it's true that I want the world to be better under my rule – there are so many problems that need fixing, and God knows humans are their own worst enemies in this case – I can't help but calculate the cost of my choices. I've already paid the price for my pride, so often it's a miracle I'm not in debt with the Almighty. However, my fear is that one day, if I don't get a hold on my ego, I'll pay the ultimate price: losing my only friend. Pinky has been my ally through thick and thin, but even he has a limit. We've had our disagreements, all of which have ended in Pinky's forgiveness, but he may lose his legendary patience with me. If Pinky ever does tire of my constant scheming, my emotional repression, and my abuse of his kindness, he might give up on our friendship entirely and leave… and it will be no one's fault but my own.
Some would call me a monster for a myriad of reasons, most of which I've listed above. At one time in my life, I would have scoffed at such an accusation – there was no way the problem could have been me. More recently, I have begun to see just how problematic my own behavior truly is. As much as it pains me to compare myself to that Toho behemoth Godzilla, I'm forced to admit it is an apt comparison. I'm beginning to think that I am not capable of compassion; that all I can do is destroy. Instead of cities, I destroy lives, self-esteem, and relationships. Godzilla was never so cruel. And those who silently judge me? Their cutting eyes and curled lips speak volumes, far more than actual words.
Scheming sociopath. Snowball, the hypocrite.
Selfish jerk! Billie, my would-be love.
Entitled brat. Mother and Father.
Zort! You bloody well never cared about me! You need a heart to care, and you don't have a heart!
Though Pinky has never said such a thing, it hurts to even imagine because it's entirely possible it may happen. I've seen the pain in his eyes, which constricts my heart. I do have one, despite what some may think. I guard it viciously because I don't want it to be broken again. Nevertheless, the unspoken hatred and resentment pierce my heart, which already bears a host of scars. The adage about sticks and stones and words never hurting is a monstrous lie. Words do hurt, enough to make one feel like… well, let me phrase it like this. When venomous words pierce your heart, but don't kill you, sometimes the alternative seems more attractive.
Why have I not actually done the alternative? Excellent question. I do have a mad desire to live, in spite of my bouts with the blues. Some would argue it's my ego that drives my vitality, and in a sense, they're right. Narcissist, I can hear them say. Again, an astute observation. I say I want to rule the world so I can remedy its issues, but do I really? Or is this all about me and my desire to be respected and loved? Is my wish to help just a cover for my self-aggrandizing choices? If I'm being brutally honest… yes. Pinky has suffered for my sad choices and egotistical fits, and yet he never complains. If he ended our friendship, as I said, it wouldn't be his fault. It would be mine.
Having confessed all this, I definitely need another session with Megalomaniacs Anonymous. "Hello, my name is Brain, and I am…" A narcissist. A despot-in-waiting. A greedy, selfish mouse. Pick any description. Above all, the introduction should be "Hello, my name is Brain, and I'm the problem." After all this time, a few cold, hard truths have begun to sink in. I've pinned the blame for my failures on Pinky, when my own hubris has been my downfall. I was perfectly content to be willfully blind – staring right into the sun, but never in the mirror. I only pray I'm not too late to make amends, starting with Pinky. God knows my loyal friend deserves it, because it's exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero.