Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Adventure time.

VII: Smoke Break

Man, he could use a smoke break.

But he also enjoyed the roof over his head.

What a pain.

Shikamaru woke up at midnight and contemplated a crime.

The 'no smoking law' was only because Bubblegum said so. Nothing more.

Well, it was what it was. To an extent, her word was law and complaining changed nothing. If he wanted to smoke without looking over his shoulder, talking to her was the best bet and if she refused, he'd take it outside the kingdom.

With that in mind, Shikamaru stood by the lab, the light from within lit the hallway. The door was ajar, welcoming, but the expression Bubblegum held was making him reconsider.

She clicked her tongue and wiped the board with her sleeve, her lab coat littered with liquid splotches and ink smears. The expression was hard to pin; somewhere between annoyed and distressed. She was ready to start over. Again.

Damn. Might've been the worst time to bring up cigarettes but she was already sour. He'd rather fuel the flame than light it in the first place.

Shikamaru knocked and walked in so she wouldn't catch him standing there.

"Boy, you sure work a lot," he said.

He didn't expect her to lighten up the moment she saw him.

Either she was pretending or she was actually glad to see him. He voted the first because he wasn't exactly what people would call a joy bringer.

The pretense thing was good for a leader. No one needed to see her mad, upset, or anything of the like. So, kudos on her part.

"Pineapple!" She smiled and patted her coat to rid it of stains but just ended up staining the thing even more. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you."

"That's sweet." She held her waist. "But it's not true, is it?"

"I came for a cigarette."

He inwardly winced. Shot down her mood instantly and she dropped the pretense. The little smile she had died and her lips fell into a disappointed frown.

She crossed her arms. "Do I look like I sell cigarettes?"

"Well, I mean—"

"That means no." She didn't have to spell it out, he already got the idea.

"Alright." At least he tried. He got to the door and threw a random. "Ah, when's the party?"

"Next week, Sunday."

Shikamaru nodded. It was holding at least. A bit far away but enough to fix if something went wrong. Next was the guest list. But he decided to leave that for later.

Before he could let her be, she said, "That's...it?"

He blinked and turned his head.

"Those things... are rare, you know."

He forgot cigarettes were comparable to gold here but he knew where she was going with this.

"You're letting me keep it?" She narrowed her eyes. "Not going to argue or push it, hmm?"

"Not at all." He wasn't an avid argument enjoyer. "Plus, you said you'd hear me out after the party..."

Bubblegum arched a brow, as if she was trying to recall when she said that.

Guess that was a no-go either.

"Later."

Shikamaru sat by his reading table. Damn, what a waste of five minutes. He could've spent that nodding off. In five minutes, he'd be outside the kingdom, already on his second stick.

Princess was right, that pack was gone forever and it seemed Bubblegum had zero intentions of keeping her bargain about the party. He didn't know how long it'd take to leave the kingdom but it was probably less than five minutes. The only downside was he'd have to head outside the kingdom to smoke.

He swayed in his chair, flicking his lighter cap on and off. What a drag. A smoke break was now a D-Ranked mission.

Pitter-patter. Bubblegum padded towards his room door. She was the only one comfortable enough to walk the place barefooted. Huh, she probably thought he had more just because he didn't argue or whine about the cigarettes. Nothing concrete, just a hunch.

Before she knocked, he told her, "It's open."

Seconds passed before she walked in, still in her lab coat. She brought the lab in with her, the scent of ink and unknown chemicals corroded his room yet she refused to let him smoke. Ironic. He'd argue nicotine was less toxic than this.

"How could you tell I was at the door?"

"I say it at thirty-minute intervals just in case someone's there."

"Oh." She blinked then shook her head. "Wait, no...That's a lie."

He chuckled. "What is it?"

"You have more, don't you?"

There we go. Yeesh, he just didn't want to argue, there was no deeper meaning to it.

"More...?"

"Don't play dumb." She pulled out the pack of cigarettes.

"I thought you didn't sell cigarettes."

"That's... That's not the point." She clenched her fists, waiting for a nonexistent answer. "Well?"

The click-clacking of his lighter's cap coming on and off rang between them.

Bubblegum searched the place, murmuring. She checked the cupboards, the cabinets, under the bed, under the pillows, under the everywhere.

All he could do was let her. It was her castle anyway.

She could turn the room upside down and not find a thing. Not because she wasn't thorough but because she was unaware.

"Try the pillowcase," he suggested.

She snapped her head at him, eyes bored his skull. Come on, he was only trying to help. Funny enough, she checked the pillowcase to be sure. Nothing.

"Look, I haven't touched a cigarette since I crashed here."

"So you have them." She was on all fours, peeking behind the bed frame.

"I never said that."

"You didn't deny it."

Sigh...

Bubblegum stood, upset she'd found nothing. "So?"

"So what?"

"Where are they?"

"I came to you for a cigarette," he said. "What makes you think—"

"I know you have more."

Man, talk like that made him tired.

"Hurry up, I'm busy." She crossed her arms and averted her gaze.

The conversation turned into a hassle and she took advantage of that by pushing the topic. It worked. Honestly, he could do without her bothering him.

He stopped playing with the lighter and righted his chair.

"Ready to fess up?"

Shikamaru walked past Bubblegum to the wafer cabinet next to his bed and flipped it upside down. Since it was made of wafers, he peeled off two layers and cleared the vanilla shaving with his hands to reveal a square cut-out which he opened and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

He fixed up the cabinet and covered the layers before flipping it back. Shikamaru sighed and walked up to Bubblegum whose eyes were about to pop right out of her sockets.

She opened her mouth to speak but Shikamaru already knew every single word of what she wanted to say and it was a drag.

He tossed her the pack. "Just take it and go."

He patted his hands to get rid of the extra vanilla shavings and sat back at the reading table to procrastinate while page sixty of the sweet system waited for him to open it up again. Something about preservatives and such.

"Is that everything?" she asked.

No. She just couldn't prove he had more.

"Yeah."

Bubblegum grumbled.

Shikamaru turned to her. "Aren't you busy?"

She got to the door and felt the need to remind him that, "smoking is forbidden in the candy kingdom."

"Because?"

Both her brows arched, taken aback. Such a simple question became oh so difficult. And because she had no answer, she immediately went on defense.

"Don't question me." Bubblegum pointed a warning finger at him. "If I say you're not allowed to, you're not. Got it?"

Shikamaru glanced up at her, arms crossed. She kept her piercing gaze up until he sighed. Well, it was her kingdom, so, her rules.

"I hear ya."

"Good."

Guess outside the kingdom was the only option left.

He got up just as she opened the door to leave. Bubblegum stopped to watch him as he pocketed the lighter and pulled a storage scroll from one of the cabinets.

She cleared her throat to get his attention.

"Hm?" he replied as he unlocked the large double window.

"Wh-Where are you going?"

"Outside the kingdom."

"What!" Bubblegum stepped back into the room and slammed the door shut.

"You'll wake someone up, it's thirty past midnight."

"E-Exactly." She stomped her feet. "I forbid you."

"You can't."

She wanted to speak but seemed she realized he was correct.

"Ugh, you're doing this because I won't let you smoke in the kingdom?"

"Yeah." He spread the window.

"That's... that's petty."

"Just following the rules." He looked downward, could surface-walk to about ten feet off the ground then safely jump down. "A win for both of us, don't you think?"

Bubblegum was talking but he tuned her out. If he listened, laziness would make him reconsider. He was already up, might as well go through with it. Plus all the candy people would be asleep, in their homes, so he wouldn't encounter any on the way. It was pretty much the best time.

Shikamaru stepped on the window frame about to jump out.

"W-Wait!" She latched on his arm and pulled him back into the room.

Ack. "Oi, watch—"

"Okay, fine, you win. I'll..." She looked at her feet, squeezing his arm. "I'll let you smoke in the castle."

Shikamaru blinked. Of all the answers she could give, that was least expected. He just thought she'd give up and let him smoke outside the kingdom.

"Just for today." Bubblegum let him go and shut his window. "So please don't go anywhere this late."

"Oh... uh—"

"Look, just... shut up and come with me."

Her annoyance shot after that and she boiled from head to toe. If he knew she'd get this mad, he'd have waited till she left the room. He just assumed she wouldn't mind since it was outside the kingdom.

Shikamaru wrapped himself in a blanket and followed behind like a prisoner. He shivered but she, on the other hand, didn't feel the cold because her anger kept her warm.

They got to the last step of the second floor—the lab floor—and she opened the window opposite the stairs.

Bubblegum told him to wait as she peered around, making sure no one else was present. Angry yet cautious, borderline jumpy.

She came back and took a deep breath then she rushed through the pack and handed him a single stick of cigarette. She kept looking over her shoulder, scared someone would pop out and catch them—catch her—at midnight.

"You can do it here," she said. "There's a flower pot by the dispenser, bin it there after you're finished, and come meet me in the lab."

He could only nod.

"D-Don't let anyone see you."

It was twelve in the morning... but, he understood her worry.

"I could just... go outside the kingdom and..." he stopped 'cause Bubblegum shot a mean glare at him.

"There's a freshener up the steps, by the wall."

"Got it."

"Please."

He pulled out his lighter. "You should go in, you know what they say about secondhand smoke—"

"That's a myth." She frowned. "I'd debunk it for you but you smoke."

He let the cigar sag from his lips, wordless.

"Right," he said, unsure how else to reply.

Before he could light it, Bubblegum put a hand in front of him. He arched a line of brow.

"The rest."

He gave her a confused look. They went over this like ten—twenty minutes ago.

"I don't have anymore," he said.

"You do."

"What?"

"You still have them."

He did, but again, she couldn't prove it. "And what makes you think—"

"You weren't about to jump out the window for nothing now, were you?"

Shikamaru paused, squinting. Chirping crickets became a lot louder than usual. Okay, maybe she could.

She opened and closed her palm, tapping her feet.

He sighed and pulled out his storage scroll. He could shuffle a million excuses to justify it but nothing would convince her. To her, it was probably too good a proof.

He bit his finger to draw blood.

"Hey..."

Shikamaru smeared the scroll and his blood seeped into it. He could comfortably do it with her present because it wasn't some cupboard she could open. He weaved the usual, quicker, and in a puff of smoke, he had a pack in hand which he gave to her.

"There." He put away the scroll. Now they were back to square one where she couldn't prove he had more.

She was agape and it seemed her anger came to a brief stop. An unconscious whisper left her mouth. "A pocket dimension..."

She knew what a pocket dimension was. That was great news. She might know a lot more too. He'd ask but he felt if he pushed her annoyance any further she'd slap him. Kinda like Ino usually did.

So he pretended not to hear. "Hm?"

She snapped back and shook her head, her frown returned and she stashed the pack away in her lab coat.

"I hope that's everything."

He nodded.

She held her waist and leaned close, took a minute to glare at him, a glare that spelled her distrust but he refused to budge. One must be impossible to read at all times. That was just shinobi basics.

Bubblegum stood upright and Shikamaru lit his cigarette.

"Don't forget." She walked to the lab.

Damn, so Bubblegum could be such a drag. Dare he say, more of a drag than Princess. At least she didn't care what he put in his mouth and she was a doctor.

A shadow loomed over him and he sighed. He had sighed so much that night he'd lost count, all in the space of an hour.

What was it now? He glanced at Bubblegum, half expecting her to complain or yell about something. She still looked upset after all.

Instead, she snapped a strip of her long hair, rolled it up, and handed it to him.

"You can... chew on that when you're done." She turned away. "Don't bring nicotine into the lab. I hate it."

The lab door clicked shut.

He took a drag of his cigarette. She was such a hassle. But... odd enough, he didn't mind.

He sighed a cloud of smoke and looked at the piece of gum. On one hand, it was someone's hair. On the other hand, said person was made out of bubble gum.

No need to stress about it, if she gave it to him, it was probably safe.

He took the last drag of his cigarette and binned it as she directed. Shikamaru put the piece of hair in his mouth and it melted immediately, like cotton candy.

Sweet.

His face pinched and a shiver struck his spine.

Okay, maybe too sweet.

He walked up the stairs and got a hold of the freshener.

—

Shikamaru entered the lab after prepping himself for a hassle. He kept the chewing down for the sake of decency and set his blanket aside before he claimed one of the high stools by the refectory table. The lab wasn't as messy as he remembered, all the numbers and equations were written on the rightful place, the board.

"That symbol..." Her annoyance slipped into her tone. "You... have them on most of your shirts. What is it?"

He sighed. "Maybe it's a shirt brand."

Bubblegum had a face devoid of humor.

Geez, what's with that look? It couldn't be a shirt brand?

"Ugh. Forget it." She grabbed her marker and turned to the board.

He didn't mind telling her the truth but he'd like to avoid the questions that followed. Half because it was a hassle and half because he didn't have an answer yet. Ending that conversation there was the right play.

Squeaking markers and occasional footsteps of Bubblegum crosschecking her figures was all there was. If he sighed, it'd echo. That quiet and Bubblegum was satisfied with it. He was probably the last person she wanted to speak to.

"Thanks for the cigarette, by the way," he started.

"That's the last time I'll let you smoke in the castle." Her eyes narrowed. "And I hope you used the freshener."

"Twice," he said. "And, uh, I understand."

"Good." She faced her equations.

"So, do you need me for any—"

"I just want the company."

Huh, what a roundabout way to keep an eye on him.

Shikamaru placed his head on his palm, eyes drifted across her equations. She tried to mathematically derive a measurement for sodium sorbate. The sad part was the thing came wrapped with a four-milliliter syringe. He was there for thirty seconds and already had an estimate.

Bubblegum, on the other hand, refused to accept any value less than a hundred. Probably thought they were too little to be correct. So whenever she got a value close to his estimate, she canceled and restarted. Each time, she got more frustrated than the last. For something she didn't even need to solve.

It was painful.

For the tenth time, Bubblegum groaned, slashing her entire equation after getting another undesirable value.

She leaned on the table, nibbling her thumb in thought.

"That was the tenth one."

She half lurched, forgot he was even there.

"Oh, uh, yes." Bubblegum wiped her finger on her coat. "It's... It's complicated."

"Seems like it," he said. "You know—"

"I'll try again..." Bubblegum turned to him. Shikamaru held the pack of sodium sorbate she solved for. "Go ahead."

For a second, he thought he glimpsed a spark of enthusiasm in her eyes but maybe he imagined it.

"You know, you don't have to calculate it." He raised the pack. "You're solving for this right?"

Bubblegum frowned and wiped the board to start over. Like he'd said nothing at all.

He opened his mouth.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"You haven't even—"

"No, you're wrong. You can't spawn a measurement," she said. "That's not how it works."

Shikamaru sighed. They'd be here forever.

"I'm...I'm not trying to be dismissive or anything... It's just a bit more complicated than that," she said.

Bubblegum explained several equations and formulae involved in calculating the specific quantity to be added. Estimates were good but they couldn't be too ridiculous. What she'd like to avoid was testing one thing a hundred times. She shed light on its complexity but in doing that, she missed the obvious.

Which was what he tried to explain. He told her she'd only need to test it, at most, four times. But she thought he was brushing off her hard work, her several boards of numbers, and gibberish when in reality she didn't need to ink anything.

The more he tried to explain, the angrier she got. Up until Bubblegum snapped and yelled at him to shut up, saying he had no ground on something he couldn't grasp and was unfit to offer her advice. What would someone like him know? Bla Bla Bla, just draggy talk.

Yeesh, maybe he was the villain. He should've kept shut and let her toil the night away. That was the right thing to do.

Her hair sizzled and smoke lingered overhead like a doused candle. After a second or two, her features softened up and she tore away her gaze. He really didn't want them arguing over numbers so, at that point, he just up and gave in, agreed with her, and didn't bother anymore.

An hour passed and she kept canceling and canceling and canceling, even when she was correct. The whiteboard was a mix of faded blue, black, and most especially, red. Despite her attitude, he'd admit, she was exceptional with all these numbers, letters, and symbols. It was odd but there was something about the way she wrote nonstop, up until she got a value she disliked, only to wipe it all and do it again. A neverending cycle of despair but her proficiency was appealing.

Truth be told, she knew this stuff way better than he ever could.

Still, proficiency was no excuse for pointlessness. Nothing was. And that was exactly why—despite its appeal—everything she inked was painful, to a maddening degree.

Occasionally, she would quickly glance at him. He pretended not to notice. He doubted she was checking to confirm his mood, he kinda wore the same passive expression through out. Not once did he feel it shift.

He guessed the glancing was to check if he was still watching because she'd immediately try again after confirming.

So, to relieve her from the pressure, he stopped. Placing his head on his hands. It was probably nerve-wracking for her failing over and over in front of some stranger.

It was that way for a while and he didn't know how much time passed but when he looked up again, it looked like she'd given up.

Bubblegum was sitting on the floor, her back leaning against the table. as she rubbed her eyes. He checked the board to see she'd just been getting figures close to his estimate, over and over.

Ugh. He thought to try again. She could yell, no issue. If it helped her in the end at least then so be it.

"You've... been getting the same values for a while now..."

She hugged her knees.

Yeesh.

The wind outside grew louder and the lab became cooler.

Bubblegum fidgeted on the spot and after a few minutes, she spoke in a much softer tone.

"You... aren't interested in stuff like this, are you?" she said. "Like math and, ah, science."

"You're good at it, so it's not a drag to watch." He shrugged. "Far better than me, that's for sure."

"Oh..." She lowered her head, rubbing her palms together. "It's...my favorite thing."

He hummed, a kind of concerned hum.

She chortled. "It's fun, okay?" Before he had the chance to stake her heart, she continued. "Well... most times." She waved a hand over to the board.

"This is for that serum, right?"

Bubblegum slowly nodded.

"What does it do?"

"Raise the dead."

Eh, Edo-Tensei?

"Like...candy people," she added.

"I see."

Why she wanted to do so, he didn't know. Pointlessness seemed to be a theme around here.

Either that or she wanted to play god.

His eyes drifted to her, balled up by, almost under, the table.

Pointlessness it was.

He just wanted to help her get this over with so he could head to bed. Seemed she planned to keep him there until she was finished.

"And all that's left is the preservative, right?"

"Yeah... wait." She looked at him. "How did you know that?"

"Might have seen it in that book."

"The sweet system?"

"The sweet system."

She snickered. "What are you doing reading that?"

"Passing time," he said. Wasn't a complete lie, at least. "But..." He veered her back on track.

"Yes, that's the last measurement I need."

He nodded.

"What..." She started in a low tone. "What were you trying to tell me back then?"

He arched a brow.

"A-About the measurement."

"You don't have to calculate it."

Bubblegum padded over and sat beside him, a bit open to suggestions now, thank goodness. "B-But...Nothing else would make sense."

He hummed. "Why did you cancel the last, uh, equation?"

"It was wrong."

Right there. That was the problem. The equations weren't the issue, she was. He searched for a less direct way to say it so he didn't get eaten alive.

Okay.

"Do you play chess?"

"Haven't lost," she said.

"We should play sometime."

"No way." She almost jumped at him in excitement. "You can play?"

He hummed. "I've lost once, though."

"Just once?"

He nodded.

"If you don't mind me asking, how?"

"When I was little, I played a lot with my dad," he said. "So, one day, at the start of the game, he told me he'd make a special move that would guarantee him a win and to think carefully so I don't miss it."

"What happened?"

"I thought about it til' I lost."

She chuckled. "What move was it?"

"Nothing. He made the simplest moves throughout the game."

"Then, how did..."

"Telling me to watch for the move, was the move," he said. "'It's good to think ahead just don't let it blind you.' That's what he said." He then mashed it down so a person made from gum could understand. "Point is, you consider every option, even the simple and unlikely ones."

Bubblegum stared for a bit but slowly nodded.

"With that out of the way," he said, "your values were correct. All of them."

"W-What?"

"You just didn't need to calculate it because the measurements came with the pack."

The place went deathly quiet all of a sudden, one could hear the crickets through shut windows.

He shifted a bit. "Uh... in my defense, you wouldn't let me speak."

She snatched the pack. "That's... not possible, I checked. There are no..."

It took a bit before he could see her visibly resist the urge to facepalm. The measurements weren't directly written on the pack but it came wrapped with a four-milliliter syringe. Common sense would tell anyone one milliliter was the least needed and four, the max.

The pack slipped from her palm and she rubbed her temples. She probably only ever saw the syringe as a container and not a tool for measurement.

"I..."

"Eh, don't stress about it," Shikamaru said. "You're just really smart is all."

Bubblegum paused then hid her face behind her palm. Was probably angry he indirectly corrected her, either that or she was mad he had an opinion. Just to be safe, he added.

"But I could be wrong," he said as she peeked through her fingers. "So it may not even matter."

She waved both hands in front of him. "No, no, I'm not mad or anything. I...I'm glad you said something. Especially because you didn't have to." She poked her fingers. "I should have listened, I mean, I usually do, I was just so annoyed with you that..." she sighed.

"It's fine."

"You're... not mad at me?"

At someone made entirely out of chewing gum? No. Getting angry or emotional in general was a hassle. Directing said energy at something that logically shouldn't exist was just borderline stupidity.

He chuckled. "Come on, I won't get mad at everything, I'm not a woman."

Bubblegum squinted and frowned. She opened her mouth but stopped, realizing she was about to prove his point. She gave him a flat look but, luckily, she let him have that one.

She opened her mouth and closed it, scratching the back of her neck. After a while, she garnered the courage to ask.

"Were you a King's advisor?"

"Princess?"

"Th-That shouldn't matter."

Shikamaru shook his head. What a chatterbox, that doctor. Now, he couldn't dodge the question.

"Just answer."

"I was."

"Oh yeah?" She propped her head on both her palms. "What kind?"

"Uh, lead tactician." He reached for his blanket. "I handled the planning, strategies, and all that."

She sat up, blinking at him. "Lead... tactician?"

He nodded.

"Say... your kingdom went to war," she started. "You'd be in charge of strategy and tactics?"

"Mhm."

"You."

"Yeah."

Bubblegum stared at him and her lips cracked into a humored smile, stifling laughter. He guessed the yawn and lazy expression on his face didn't help either. A laugh almost burst through her lips but she held it in.

Sometimes a lie was more believable than the truth and most times less of a drag.

Shikamaru sighed and scratched his hair. "Not buying it, huh?"

Bubblegum laughed, heartily. "No. Not at all," she said, wiping her eyes with her sleeves. She'd laughed so much, she got sniffles. "For a second... You... You... Glob... You almost had me, though," she joked.

He snapped his fingers, feigning disappointment. "Ah."

She soon calmed down, chuckling. "Advisor, yeah, sure. Lead tactician? I doubt that."

"It is kinda far-fetched."

"Do you even know a thing about fighting?"

He shook his head. "It's a hassle. Plus, most times I don't have to, you know?"

She got the point. "Mhm, It's useful magic."

Well, it wasn't... Sigh. Whatever worked.

She leaned in, swinging her legs. "So, Mr. Advisor, how much were you paid?"

"Enough to show up."

"Whoa~ that much?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that much."

They chuckled. Bubblegum muttered something he didn't quite get but if she muttered it, he probably didn't need to hear it.

"Well, you have your measurement, so..." he said. "What's next?"

"Oh, I just need to apply and mix."

He shifted some beakers. "I'll help so we can finish quickly and get some sleep."

She was a bit too eager to agree but he didn't mind it. As long as they got everything over with. He was getting tired.