A/N I am so sorry for the wait. This story line, characters, and most of this chapter belong to SM. no copyright intended.

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Bella took a step back only to be stopped by a hard, stone cold chest.

"Bella, love," Edward said gently, placing his hand on her shoulder.

Her eyes shot open. Oh, no, what had she done?

The last two days suddenly flashed through her head. The blood all over Edward, Jake's limp body, the nightmares of Victoria killing her best friend. Then Edward, no, no, no, no, no! Edward, what had she done? She felt ashamed for every time she was grateful he couldn't read her mind. But now she let him see her heart's betrayal. She tried to hide it for so long, putting thoughts about Jacob in that locked drawer in the back of her mind. He now knew how awful she was and there was no taking it back. Not only that but all day she had been horrid to him. She was dismissive and mean all while wearing the shirt of the boy she cheated on him with…

She cheated on him!

The breath left her body and she stumbled forward into Jake. when his hands came up to catch her she pushed him away. Not taking the time to notice that he actually stumbled back from her shove, she ran.

She ran up the stairs past Carlisle into the house and then continued running until she reached Edward's bedroom slamming the door behind her. Flipping the light on, she paused in confusion. Had she picked the wrong door? It was the same room, she realized quickly; the furniture had just been rearranged. The couch was pushed to the north wall and the stereo shoved up against the vast shelves of CDs - to make room for the colossal bed that now dominated the central space.

The southern wall of glass reflected the scene back like a mirror, making it look twice as bad.

It matched. The coverlet was a dull gold, just lighter than the walls; the frame was black, made of intricately patterned wrought iron. Sculpted metal roses wound in vines up the tall posts and formed a bowery lattice overhead.

"What the hell is all this?" She spluttered.

Leah's loud voice echoed up the stairs. "What the fuck did you two do this time? I swear if I could move I would kick both your asses."

The room wasn't the only thing that reflected in the glass. The pale girl with limp hair and dark circles under her eyes stared back at Bella. The outside seemed to match the ugliness on the inside. She grabbed the blanket off the bed and dragged it over to the couch. Flopping face down she tugged the blanket over her head, burying herself the only way she could and whaled out her despair.

She never wanted to have to see her face in the mirror again.

There was no sound to warn her. Out of nowhere, the blanket was gone and Edward's cold hand stroked against her knotted hair. She shuddered guiltily at his touch.

"Are you all right?" he murmured, his voice anxious.

"No. I want to die."

"That will never happen. I won't allow it."

She groaned and then whispered, "You might change your mind about that."

"Never." He promised.

"Why aren't you angry with me?" She whispered. "Why don't you hate me?

She closed her eyes and shook her head in agony.

"You're only human," he whispered, stroking her hair again.

"That's the most miserable defense I've ever heard."

"But you are human, Bella. And, as much as I might wish otherwise, so is he. . . . There are holes in your life that I can't fill. I understand that."

"But that's not true. That's what makes me so horrible. There are no holes."

"You love him," he murmured gently.

"I love you more," she said.

"Yes, I know that, too."

"Will you stop being so sympathetic?" she groaned.

"What would you like me to say?"

"I want you to call me every bad name you can think of, in every language you know. I want you to tell me that you're disgusted with me and that you're going to leave so that I can beg and grovel on my knees for you to stay."

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "I can't do that."

"At least stop trying to make me feel better. Let me suffer. I deserve it."

"No," he murmured.

She nodded slowly. "You're right. Keep on being too understanding. That's probably worse."

"I just want you to be happy, love. I will do anything you want me to. Give you any part of me you want, even if it's just my friendship or even nothing at all. Just tell me how to make you happy."

"Don't do that, don't give up on us! Fight! Fight for us!" She insisted.

"How?" he asked, and his eyes were ancient with their sadness.

She scrambled into his lap, throwing her arms around him.

"I don't care that I stink like a dog right now. Make me forget how awful I am. Make me forget him. Make me forget my own name."

She didn't wait for him to decide - or to have the chance to tell her he wasn't interested in a cruel, faithless monster like her. she pulled herself against him and crushed her mouth to his snow-cold lips.

"Careful, love," he murmured under her urgent kiss.

"No," she growled.

He gently pushed her face a few inches back. "You don't have to prove anything to me."

"I'm not trying to prove something. You said I could have any part of you I wanted. I want this part. I want every part." She wrapped her arms around his neck and strained to reach his lips.

He bent his head to kiss her back, but his cool mouth was hesitant as her impatience grew more pronounced. Her body was making her intentions clear, giving her away. Inevitably, his hands moved to restrain her.

"Perhaps this isn't the best moment for that," he suggested, too calm for her liking.

"Why not?" She grumbled. There was no point in fighting if he was going to be rational; she dropped her arms.

"Firstly, because it is cold in here." He reached out to pull the blanket off the floor; wrapping it around her.

"Wrong," she said. "First, because you are bizarrely moral for a vampire."

He chuckled. "All right, I'll give you that. The cold is second. And thirdly . . . well, you do actually stink, love."

He wrinkled his nose.

She sighed.

"Fourthly," he murmured, dropping his face so that he was whispering in her ear. "It's too dangerous and if I ever did decide to try; watch I'm not saying I would, I'd much rather it wasn't in reaction to Jacob Black."

She cringed, and buried her face against his shoulder.

He rubbed her back in soothing circles for a little bit before he suggested she go take a relaxing bath and a nap. He grabbed a set of flannel pajamas seemingly out of nowhere and held them out to her.

She blinked. "Alice." was all the explanation he had to give.

She gave him a strained smile and reluctantly got off his lap.

Giving herself a vigorous scrub down Bella rushed through her bath. She slipped the PJs on and grabbed the jeans and tee-shirt off the floor not wanting to leave them in the bathroom.

Stumbling back into Edward's bedroom she looked around unsure if she was upset he wasn't there or glad. On the one hand she never wanted to spend a moment away from him and on the other she needed some time to herself, plus it's almost like a punishment. Him depriving her of his presents. She deserved much worse.

Grabbing a puffy feather pillow off the huge bed and dragging the gold cover back to the couch she dropped her balled up dirty clothes and flopped down for a nap. She knew She was being silly, but she didn't care.

King-sized beds in houses where nobody slept - it was bizarre. She found it irritating and she couldn't figure out why. The past few days had taken their toll and it wasn't long before her lid's grew heavy and she drifted to sleep.

It was dark when she woke. She was groggy but had no clue how long she slept. Her eyes closed, and she stretched, rolling over. It took her a second before she realized that the movement should have dumped her onto the floor. And that She was much too comfortable.

She rolled back over, trying to see. It was dark - the clouds were too thick for the moon to shine through.

"Sorry," he murmured so softly that his voice was part of the darkness. "I didn't mean to wake you."

She tensed, waiting for the fury, but it was only quiet and calm in the darkness of his room. The fragrance from the perfume of his breath washed over her leaving a calming effect.

There was no friction in the space between them. The stillness was peaceful - not like the calm before the tempest, but like a clear night untouched by even the dream of a storm.

And she didn't care that he was supposed to be angry with her. She reached out for him, found his hands in the darkness, and pulled herself closer to him. His arms encircled her, cradling her to his chest. Her lips searched, hunting along his throat, to his chin, till she finally found his lips.

Edward kissed her softly for a moment.

His fingers knotted in her hair. Her breath was becoming uneven. His cold lips pressed under her jaw.

"Mmm," she moaned, tightening her arms around his neck.

His hand curved around her elbow, moving slowly down her arm, across her ribs and over her waist, tracing along her hip and down her leg, around her knee. He paused there, his hand curling around her calf. He pulled her leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip.

She stopped breathing. This wasn't the kind of thing he usually allowed. Despite his cold hands, she felt suddenly warm. His lips moved in the hollow at the base of her throat.

"Do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?" he whispered,

Before she could answer, before she could even concentrate enough to make sense of his words, he rolled to the side, pulling her on top of him. He held her face in his hands, angling it up so that his mouth could reach her throat. Her breathing was too loud - it was almost embarrassing, but she couldn't care quite enough to be ashamed.

"The bed?" he asked again. " I think it's nice."

"It's unnecessary," she managed to gasp.

He pulled her face back to his, and her lips shaped themselves around his. Slowly this time, he rolled till he hovered over her. He held himself carefully so that she felt none of his weight, but she could feel the cool marble of his body press against hers. Her heart was hammering so loudly that it was hard to hear his quiet laughter.

"That's debatable," he disagreed. "This would be difficult on a couch."

Cold as ice, his tongue lightly traced the shape of her lips.

Her head was spinning - the air was coming too fast and shallow.

"Did you change your mind?" She asked breathlessly. Maybe he'd rethought all his careful rules.

Maybe there was more significance to this bed than she'd could even hope for. Her heart pounded almost painfully as she waited for his answer.

Edward sighed, rolling back so that they were on their sides again.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," he said, disapproval strong in his voice - clearly, he understood what She meant. "I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like.

Don't get carried away."

"Too late," she muttered. "And I like the bed," She added.

"Good." She could hear the smile in his voice as he kissed her forehead. "I do, too."

"But I still think it's unnecessary," She continued. "If we're not going to get carried away, what's the point?"

He sighed again. "For the hundredth time, Bella - it's too dangerous."

"I like danger," She insisted.

"I know." There was a sour edge to his voice..

"I'll tell you what's dangerous," She said quickly, before he could move to a new topic of discussion. "I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days - and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

He started to push her away.

"What are you doing?" She objected, clinging to him.

"Protecting you from combustion. If this is too much for you. . . ."

"I can handle it," She insisted.

He let her worm herself back into the circle of his arms.

"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression," he said. "I didn't mean to make you unhappy.

That wasn't nice."

"Actually, it was very, very nice."

He took a deep breath. "Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep."

"No, I'm not. I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."

"That's probably a bad idea. You're not the only one who gets carried away."

"Yes, I am," She grumbled.

He chuckled. "You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either."

"I'm not going to apologize for that."

"But you apologize for everything else." He grumbled.

"I have plenty to be sorry for. I've messed up, a lot."

"You apologize way more than you should, and for the rest, I've already forgiven you. You just need to accept that."

She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes. "I'm trying. It's just, I hate myself for letting that kiss happen and for everything after…"

Edward was too still for a moment, controlling whatever reaction he didn't want her to see.

"Aren't you mad at me?" she asked blankly.

"No." It sounded like he really meant it. "It's just, I feel like you are taking all the blame. You are not the only one responsible for what happened. I am willing to let go of any hurt that situation might have caused."
She stared toward the sound of his voice, tracing his features with her fingers, trying to understand his mood. "And . . . most importantly . . . I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us."

She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

"You don't have to worry about that ever happening again anyway. He is done with me. I'm pretty sure he never wants to see me again."

"That wasn't what it seemed like today."

"Yeah, he was just being civil. He basically told me to get lost and not come back yesterday."

"He did not say those words."

"No," she admitted. "He was much more polite. But that's what he meant."

Then he crushed her gently to his chest. "I'm so sorry."

"I thought you'd be glad," she whispered.

"Glad over something that's hurt you?" he murmured into her hair. "I don't think so, Bella."

She sighed and relaxed, fitting herself to the stone shape of him. But he was motionless again, tense.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's nothing."

"You can tell me."

He paused for a minute. "It might make you angry."

"I still want to know."

He sighed. "I could quite literally kill him for making you feel like this. I want to."

She shivered, the recent events still being too raw. She didn't want Edward to see the effect his words had on her. She made her voice sound as dismissive as possible. "I guess it's a good thing you've got so much self-control."

"I could slip." His tone was thoughtful.

"If you're going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it." She reached for his face, trying to pull herself up to kiss him. His arms held her tighter, restraining.

He sighed. "Must I always be the responsible one?"

She grinned in the darkness. "No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes . . . or hours."

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Wait - there was something else I wanted to ask you about."

"What's that?"

"You've been around for a pretty long time."

There was a short pause; this beginning took him by surprise. "Yes?"

"Was there ever anyone else, someone like you?" She didn't know why she was asking this. Maybe it would make her feel better, or maybe she was just trying to find another way to torture herself.

He didn't answer, though she waited for a long moment.

After the silence had grown uncomfortable. She said, "Even if you didn't have any preference. I was just wondering, you know, if any of them had… shown a preference for you, I mean."

Again he said nothing.

"Who?" She asked, trying to keep her voice casual, and not quite managing. "Was there more than one?"

No answer. She wished she could see his face, so she could try to guess what this silence meant.

"Alice will tell me," She said. "I'll go ask her right now."

His arms tightened; she was unable to squirm even an inch away.

"You need sleep," he said. His voice had a little edge to it that was something new. Sort of nervous, maybe a little embarrassed. "Besides, I think Alice stepped out. . . ."

"It's bad," She guessed. "It's really bad, isn't it?" She started to panic, her heart accelerating as she imagined the gorgeous immortal rival she'd never realized she had.

"Calm down, Bella," he said, kissing the tip of her nose. "You're being absurd."

"Am I? Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell. You're blowing this wildly out of proportion."

"Who?" She insisted.

He sighed. "Tanya, a woman from the Denali coven, expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story."

She kept her voice as even as possible. "Tell me something - what does Tanya look like?"

"Just like the rest of us - white skin, gold eyes," he answered too quickly.

"And, of course, extraordinarily beautiful."

She felt him shrug.

"I suppose, to human eyes," he said, indifferent. "You know what, though?"

"What?" Her voice was petulant.

He put his lips right to her ear; his cold breath tickled. "I prefer brunettes."

"She's a blonde. That figures."

"Strawberry blonde - not at all my type."

She thought about that for a while, trying to concentrate as his lips moved slowly along her cheek, down her throat, and back up again. He made the circuit three times before she spoke.

"I guess that's okay, then," She decided.

"Hmm," he whispered against my skin. "You're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable."

She scowled into the darkness.

"You need sleep," he said again, murmuring, almost crooning now, his voice smoother than silk.

"Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."

He started to hum her lullaby, and she knew it was only a matter of time till she succumbed, so she closed her eyes and snuggled closer into his chest.

"Bella, love, You have to wake up." Edward's melodic voice rang softly into her consciousness. "Charlie is on his way back."

"Back?" She blinked her eyes open. "From where?"

"The Blacks."

"What? When did he go there?" She asked, feeling like she missed something.

"That doesn't matter. He just called and said he is leaving there and wants you to be ready to go when he gets here."

"Oh, alright I'll just get changed."

She stood up and walked over to the couch, when she didn't find her crumpled up clothes she looked underneath it. Nothing.

"Hay, have you seen my…" looking back up she realized she was alone.

The bed was made and a tee-shirt and jeans were folded neatly atop the bed. She walked over to find that her jeans were freshly laundered and the tee-shirt was brand new. She scanned the room before changing into the clean clothes.

She went down stairs looking for Edward but was waylaid by a very cranky Leah.

A/N Thank you, let me know your thoughts. I will try my best to get the next chapter out sooner.