"Well, where were we here? The gymkhana is still going on, the rivalry between the two families is quiteintense, the Murphy's and the McLaren's both came from a common background, children of ElisabethMcLaren, one part went to live in Dalystown and the other in the capital, this during the 1940's, Emma theeldest daughter stayed in Dublin, this continued the McLaren family, while Hailey the youngest daughter wentto Dalystown, this created a healthy rivalry, even more so when Hailey got married and changed hersurname to Murphy, adopting her husband's, while Emma ended up not having many romances, which fewpeople know about her, except that a girl got her pregnant using the fertility stone and with that hergrandmother Joanne came into the world, but apart from that nothing, well let's get back to the fun, sincenow you've been introduced to both families".
We've got the lead, that's marvellous, I've got a chance of winning at least a little, I'm already prepared for whatever comes, the arm wrestle has left us just ahead, we're already tied in the legs and arms, now it's going to be the start of the tied race, I hope that Croix and I can get in sync.
I'm getting ready, with my girlfriend, we're all just waiting for the signal that will announce our departure, I look at my girlfriend, even stuck together, we've managed to look at each other's smiles and this is going to be a lot of fun to see how it unfolds.
"And now we're about to start the tight race! The families have already separated the pairs that will take part in this crazy race to see which is the best and fastest of these pairs to reach the finish line, which is next to the lake, remembering that the winner gets a certain amount of extra points, so let's get started!" Said the commentator.
I'm already looking ahead, noticing some people watching us on the way too, today I'm going to make the McLaren family proud, we hear a shot and the gate in front of us opens, which my girlfriend and I are already taking our first steps and it's really a bit complicated, we have to get some synchronisation going.
We're almost stumbling along, and we see the Murphy's getting ahead a bit, how do they manage? I didn't even practise this much with Croix, come on, I can't give up, I'm trying to keep up with my girlfriend, she's also trying the same thing, so we don't get so distracted.
"And it looks like the Murphy boys are in full sync, that's very good, it's already a great start for them, but Shiny Chariot isn't far behind with the McLarens, that's determination, she'll do anything to keep going, this race is very intense!" Said the commentator
Through the streets we continue to run, the worst thing is that it's still full of obstacles, it's really made for us to struggle, but I think I can get over it, I can see that Croix is improving a bit and so am I, we're getting the hang of it, now we just have to get over this barrier and get to the other side.
We jumped over it, putting our hands on each other and holding on, which meant that we fell to the other side and stood on tiptoe trying to balance ourselves, it's a bit difficult when the balance of the body is between two people deciding, but even so we didn't stumble, it's better to keep going, we're in third position behind the two Murphy family pairs.
"Woah, it seems that now comes the obstacle course, this will put these pairs to the test, what a great display of skills by these people in a bizarre tethered race, it seems that many have started to fall as well" And the commentator continued to narrate this race.
I kept my concentration with my girlfriend, we're not going to give up for anything, there's still a long way to go, that's what we're doing, continuing the race, we've already turned a few streets, I'm still in a comfortable third position, soon we'll be close to the goal, I can see the road becoming dirt, now it's going to get even more complicated with the obstacles.
On the dirt road, it wasn't that difficult, there was some dust, but not that much, neither were the obstacles, but we saw a lot of people at the back who were falling over, even so we kept trying to keep in sync, this race is already much more different because of the amount of running we have to do like this, tiredness is soon going to hit some people which could be our chance, as we're still saving a lot of energy.
"Now they're on the final stretch, a dirt track, and the skill of these families will be put to the ultimate test! Who will make it to the finish line, we're already going into the final metres, and you can see the lake from the cameras above" said the commentator.
I kept concentrating, but this time it's not going to be possible to beat the Murphy boys, they're really doing better at this, I think they're training a lot more, we're already on the final stretch, the lake is even possible to see with the various canoes leaning against it, come on Chariot, you can do it, Croix and I are also getting tired, I can see her getting more tired of taking steps, that could be bad.
And we're getting closer, I'm even trying to pick up the pace a little more, but I can see that it's not going to
help much, my girlfriend is already struggling to do the minimum, let alone take faster steps, this is undoubtedly going to be more complicated for her, which is why we ended up being passed by the third Murphy duo, we really couldn't beat them.
"Woah! The Murphy's are in perfect shape for this race! And they're moving to the front, which will be crucial points, while we had the McLarens dominating in the arm wrestle, now here in the tight race it's the Murphy's who are in front, who would have thought! And we can already tell who the winners are!" Said the commentator.
The finish line is near, they cross in front of us, I'm relieved to cross in fourth position, already very tired, I think I did a bit badly, but at least we can take the ties off both of us, which was a relief, we even hugged each other, it may not have been the best victory of all, but we still did very well in this race.
"What a spectacular win for Murphy! They've closed in on the lead and with that they've scored maximum points, this will guarantee them a very good score, they could even catch up with the McLarens, even so Shiny Chariot didn't do too badly and managed to make them come good! With a fourth place for her!" Said the commentator.
The score soon changed for the Murphy boys, the 44 points went up to 94, for the time being they're ahead of us, when the three of them finish in front the points gained are still very big, but soon they'll add up our positions and we'll be in some position.
Everyone from the McLarens arrived and with that came the addition of our points, my fourth place only gave 12 points, while the other girls helped with a bit more, we're now behind with 90 points, but I know that next time we'll make it.
"You did well, it's hard to get in sync, apart from the fact that Murphy trains like never before for this part of the gymkhana, but next time we're going to blow him away, in our canoe we're going to paddle so fast that they won't even see our colour" said my mum Laura and I'm already getting motivated.
[...]
Wow, the canoe race was very tight, but we still won, my arms are tired, at least we managed to win, our score went up to 140 points, thanks to first place, that's a relief, we're ahead of the Murphy's who have 124 points, they were even behind the O'Hare's in this race, thanks to that big guy.
"What did I tell you girls? We're very fast, now let's go and Rose will show us why she's the fastest trigger" said my mum Laura as we celebrated.
"And after a race in which the game turned in favour of the McLarens who passed the Murphy's, it's time for the target practice, remembering that only representatives over the age of eighteen can take part in this one and that the best shot with a revolver wins!" I can't wait to see Auntie Rose shooting, I remember I used to cover my ears for that one.
Everyone is already in the booths, they even put on earplugs and we watch from afar where the targets are, which will soon be announced, I'm sure Aunt Rose is going to be blown away, which soon the shot to start is given, the weapons start unloaded, but that's no problem for Mrs Morris, she simply goes with her agile hands reloading the revolver with tranquility, all six bullets and then she starts shooting at the targets that appear, this with enormous speed, she shoots horrors.
The noise of the shots is really loud, but at the same time it's fun, it must be nice to shoot with a gun, even if it's really scary, you can see that everyone there is managing to do really well, shooting the best way they can, Aunt Rose really is way ahead of everyone else.
"It seems that nobody expected this, but Rosemary Morris from the McLaren team shoots like a pro! The speed and style with which she is able to reload is something else, even using both hands and being able to throw the gun alternating hands, that's really shooting style!" Mrs Morris is a trained WCI agent, she's the best shot I know, you can't beat her accuracy with a gun.
She's been hitting all the targets and it's going to be obvious that we're going to get another 50 points on this one, that's marvellous, to see that Aunt Rose is simply going to bring us one more victory, she even manages to reload while changing hands and putting the ammunition in and already firing with everything, the shots are only hitting the head on all the posters that appear and always the furthest away, that's precision like that.
"Do you want to shoot one day, Chariot?" My mum asks and I keep scratching the back of my head.
"I'd like to, but all this noise and the fact that guns are dangerous" I tell her.
"They are, but they're fun when used in another way, Rose is an expert marksman, I'm even shocked by her accuracy, mine I thought was good until she beat me in a competition, I couldn't get close to what she does, imagine the damage she doesn't do when the gun is faster, I have good eyes, even so I'm behind a myopic shooter, who knew, this girl is a monster" Said my mum McLaren impressed as we watched Aunt Rose.
She started shooting and the score was already much higher than everyone else's at the time, all the targets were simply hit with such ease that it was like child's play.
The shooting stage is over, which is a bit of a relief, but at the same time I'm in shock, how can she be that good, it's ridiculous, it's as if the weapons for her were extensions of her body.
"Apparently the McLarens aren't messing around, we've got a professional markswoman in our midst who's managed to demolish the competition and with that they've jumped to 190 points, already on course for another victory, what's also surprising is that the O'Hare's have passed the Murphy's in this race, who would have thought that the rivalry would be different" said the commentator and we were even jumping for joy.
Aunt Rosemary returned and she waved to us, who hugged her in celebration of our victory, we're doing very well in this gymkhana, I didn't think we'd get this far, now there's going to be another competition for sure, we were already organising ourselves, walking towards what looked like a football pitch, this is going to be very different, so many games and we really have to play football.
[...]
This time we've fallen behind, we've only won 20 points, but we've lost to the Murphy's, what they've been able to advance, we've at least won two games, Mum Laura and Aunt April are good, but the rest can barely play this, well we're on 210 points to the Murphy's 204, the race is very close, I'm a bit tired too, the good thing is that there's now a break for us to rest.
"210 to 204, it looks like the race is very close, O'Hare are also in the middle with 199, they just didn't do well in the football match, but in everything else they're being very consistent, well there's still a lot to go, but let's enjoy and rest for this break" said my mum Laura.
"I'm sorry I'm not so good at football, Mrs McLaren, I was always the laughing stock when I lived in Italy, I was never picked and when I played everyone shouted at me" said Croix and I even hugged my girlfriend.
"Don't feel bad, we're just having fun today, we don't want to win, we just want to have fun, regardless of the result, the good thing is that we've enjoyed this time together and we've had fun!" Of course, I'm always going to have a lot of fun.
We then went to get some isotonic drinks and also some food that was in the fridge, I needed it, I'm practically evaporating, it's not hot, but it's sunny and I've also used up a lot of energy, it could be good for the next game after the break, which I'm sure we can do well in.
"The next one is the pole game, it requires a lot of flexibility, Chariot you'll do it, Bernadette was the best when we were young, what that girl did with flexibility is a joke, the record so far is hers" I nod and get ready.
I'm just eating and imagining that I'm going to have to pass by each side without touching my body, it's good that ballet has helped me, I know I can go as far as Mum Bernadette did, or at least come close, I'm going to make sure we win, that's for sure, I just love the time I spend doing these things, it's different and fun too.
[...]
The break was over, we went to our points, this game is worth 50 points if I manage to win, I'm going to show mum Bernadette how flexible I can be, we're already in the town square, I'm sure I'll make it, we're already at our posts, I saw that the little girl who is a fan of mine is on the Murphy team, she was their choice, it's a bit strange for a 10-year-old girl to be that, but let's see what we can do.
"And now, after a brief respite from the gymkhana, we're back in an intense contest: who of these people will win? The McLarens are six points ahead and have decided to take the team's star driver with them, but is she flexible enough? The Murphy's have brought in their youngest, shortest and that's a clever tactic, certainly well thought out, but will little Emily be able to hit the ground running? That's what we'll find out" Oh good, I've remembered the little girl's name.
I was already stretching in preparation for this, which I had already been doing before, and this was enough of a demonstration of my flexibility that some people from the other teams looked at me in shock.
Soon the shot is fired and they start to pass, the first pole is easy to pass, it's about two metres, and with each pass we make it's 10 centimetres less, which I did at the beginning with ease, only having to lower myself when it reached one metre seventy, well now that it's really starting, the little girl won't have to lower herself to one metre forty, it's easy for her.
"I thought that the leader of the McLarens, being the smallest of the team, would be able to go toe-to-toe with the youngest of the Murphy family, but it seems that Chariot is very calm and her brilliance is still very much alive without any difficulty" said the commentator.
Now it's going to be difficult, it's starting to get less than a metre and I'm still standing, doing the trick of leaning over, I always find it very amusing to do that, it's interesting, I go carefully so as not to hit my chest, sometimes I forget that I have a small mountain in front of me and I'm not a spiteful child.
It seems that little Emily isn't far behind either, this girl is very flexible, and this thing keeps getting lower and lower, I won't be able to get past the nine witches like this, I have to believe in myself.
"Wow, these two are really in an intense contest, it looks like the Murphy's have brought out their weapon to turn the tables, who knew, that's pretty impressive! We've already got the first eliminated, now it's going to get tense with seventy centimetres!" I can still do it, I just have to put it down, and I'll pass with ease.
And almost everyone has already been eliminated at seventy, I still managed to get through and then it started to get lower, now it's sixty, some tried to get through on all fours, I was still trying to bend over and I'm frightened by the little girl, she's just getting through like it's nothing, and on top of that she manages to stay in a bizarre way, I wanted flexibility like that.
It's fifty centimetres, how am I going to get through that, I squat down as much as I can, there's only the two of us, I stay as low as I can, I try to get through, but when my chest reaches it, it makes the noise that I've hit the gate, what the hell, I had to have breasts right now, if it wasn't for that I might even make it, well I think I've definitely lost.
"And it seems that Shiny Chariot's flexibility was denied by an event that she didn't expect, two mountains in front of the road, something that always happens to girls, the Murphy won, but not bad for the McLaren, it was a very good demonstration of flexibility, even more so that now it would only go down two centimetres each to make it more dramatic" said the commentator.
And now we're behind 250 to 254, damn it, I've spoilt the game, but that's as far as I got, I go back to the girls and even then I'm hugged, they smile at me, I think that above all we have to have fun, that's the soul of fun between families, good that we'll get that far yet.
"Well done Chariot, that's really cool, you did really well, it's not just anyone who reaches 50 centimetres, not to mention that I wouldn't have passed with my breasts there, it would have been a horror girl, by the way I just want to tell this commentator to fuck off, they always make fun of my lack of height, this is natural for McLaren, we're born that way, there's never been one taller than five feet in history, it's a pain in the arse" said my mum all sulky, she's really funny.
"The important thing is for us to have fun. Come on, there'll be more games for us to shine in, and we'll certainly do better in the next ones" said Aunt April.
I can't wait to see many of these again, I'm loving these competitions like this, it's very tiring on the body but it's worth it, I love this whole thing of hanging around, it's magical, ahhh, all this nostalgia back, this feeling of competition, these random events, I know the important thing is to have fun, but I also want to see if I can do well too.
[...]
We're still in the lead, with a huge advantage, it's 577 to 511 for the Murphy's, these smaller games that give fewer points we've been doing well, the motorbike and kart races have also given us a huge advantage, Mum Laura drives more than anyone, which will come to the most interesting dispute here, this one I can't, I think everyone must think that Aunt Rose and Mum Laura will be the best at this, but I know that Aunt April will do well.
"It looks like the McLarens have a huge advantage, they're not playing badly at all, this game is very tight, even with an advantage that was created with perfect races, now it's going to be the race that nobody
expected, but it's going to be intense, the one where we'll see who can eat the most hot dogs, who will win this one?" said the commentator.
"Go on April, show everyone what a bottomless bag you are" said my mum Laura.
"Don't worry, I'll show everyone that I'm still in the mood, I've already achieved the record before, I can do it again" Even though she's skinny, Aunt April still manages to eat a lot, it's amazing.
Everyone's getting into position at the tables, where the hot dog towers are already being set up and wow, there are a lot of them, just looking there I can see that there are 20 of them, the Murphy's took John for this, he must be very hungry, since I didn't see him eating during either of the two breaks, Aunt April too, they have no idea what's ahead.
"Woah, what a choice for the McLarens, April Jordan must have gone a good few days without eating to look that skinny, now it makes sense, I'd have sworn it was either Rosemary Morris or the leader, they both look like they love to eat" Oh look, more clueless jokes from that commentator on us, I could see my mum giving the middle finger to one of the sound outlets.
"Always these idiots saying something about me and my weight, ugh, annoying people, only one person can call me fat without sounding offensive and that's my wife, the rest are all assholes to me" said my mum, a little sulky.
"I hate it, we can't be overweight and they start making jokes about us, but we're not that overweight, but let's not get carried away, you'll see that April is going to shut everyone up when she eats these hot dogs in a way you've never seen before"
And the gun is fired, starting this contest between who can eat a hot dog the fastest, and soon I'm seeing Aunt April putting it in her mouth and drinking water quickly, I've never seen that in years, I even get a kind of disgusted expression, who eats like that, wetting the food, these disputes must be very annoying since you can't eat without wetting it, it's kind of boring and you don't enjoy the taste of the food, but without a doubt it's surprising how fast she does it, as if it were nothing, wow, look at that, it's something marvellous and surprising.
"And woah! Look at this April Jordan of the McLaren is eating like her life depended on it, I've only seen them eat like this in professional competitions of this type, she's devouring everything like it's nothing, there have already been 5 starts, she's swallowing everything and that way she'll be able to win with ease, not even the Murphy's can handle it, John is in shock with the speed and technique being used" Said the commentator.
Aunt April must have taken part in competitions like this before, I'm sure of it, that's why she's in the lead, it's good for us to get a head start, that way we'll be champions this year, look at this, Mrs Jordan is eating like it's nothing.
It's disgusting, but we're winning with her eating like that, and drinking water on top of that, it's like lightning, it's going so fast, wow, I really didn't expect that, look at that, she's eating like it's nothing, it's weird, I couldn't keep up with that.
"Look, there have already been 20 and it seems that April Jordan doesn't want to stop for a minute, this way we'll have a record here, to think that I would never have seen a professional eater here, the McLarens really came with a whole team with a lot of skills" said the commentator.
The first mountain has already gone, now the second is coming and even so Aunt April hasn't stopped for anything, I'm scared, she's been practising all the time, these days she's eaten a lot, it doesn't make sense that she should be able to eat so much right now, but it must be a tactic, since not eating makes the stomach shrink a little.
I keep watching her eat and wow, I can see how some veins are starting to appear, her face is turning red, it must be quite a force for her to be able to eat like that, the others are getting quite satisfied, you can tell just by the way they eat.
"Mum's been doing it for years, she's won a few trophies, it was a recent hyper-focus of hers to try to become a competitor in these competitions of who eats the most, so she practised the techniques and it seems she got quite far" my girlfriend said and now it makes sense.
"April has always been like that, her appetite is voracious, when we were younger she always came to the house and my mum loved her coming because she always ate everything, and if there's anyone who likes my mum's cooking it's April, so she was always happy when I called her to the house" said mum Laura.
"Well, it looks like we've got a chance of winning this year, all it would take is for the team to get together to have a guaranteed victory" said Aunt Rose.
"Bernadette in Phoebe's place would make everything much more broken, but it's good to see that the youngest is enjoying herself, for the first time we're putting her here and she's been the sullen one, she's actually enjoyed being here" Said Mum McLaren.
And soon it was the end, the bell rang and everyone stopped eating, when I went to see Aunt April's mountain there were still a few left, but they were very few, she really had eaten a lot, she must have eaten at least 30.
"This is incredible, we have a new record here, April Jordan ate 31 Hot Dogs in one go, in 10 minutes, this girl is on another level, look how impressive, the McLarens aren't messing around, they've brought the best of the best!" Said the commentator and she went on to celebrate as if she were very calm, even burping.
We were jumping for joy now our score has gone up, we're on 627 points, simply the most points we could get, Mrs Jordan came out of there, everyone was clapping for her who went on waving to everyone and came back to us who gave her a hug celebrating this victory, she simply managed to break a record.
"That's it April, you managed to beat the previous record, you were incredible!" My mum said.
"I'm full now, I don't even want to think about touching a sausage in my life, nor do I want to think about these food fights, phew" said Aunt April.
"I knew you'd do it mum, you're the best, now let's rest up, the next one will be the final stage, it'll be worth a lot more points" said my girlfriend.
"We'll definitely go, I'm already exhausted, but we've got a good lead, the last five events I'm sure we can do it, the important thing is that we had fun, even though I went I still wanted to humiliate myself a bit, I wanted to test my limits, now I've come back traumatised, do you have any idea what it's like to eat wet food? It's horrible, those people who eat in competitions of who eats the most don't appreciate real food, that's not for me, I prefer to eat food without it being wet with water, it makes me sick just thinking about it again, I held myself back a lot practising for it" said Mrs Jordan rubbing the back of her neck.
"And now we're going to the final break, 30 minutes before the final races start, and it looks like we're going to have a McLaren victory, which we haven't seen since 2002. It's going to be marvellous to see, they're giving everything they've got to break this streak of many years without a more impactful title" said the commentator.
We went to rest for a while, while April sat waiting for the food to go down, because it must have been really tense to eat that much, we took the opportunity to look at the people watching, also around the festival, wow I didn't expect it to be so big today, there are so many faces out there, so many people, so much, it's a different place, with all this stuff, it's not the same as in the past, but it's still worse, in fact it's epic.
"Well, the gymkhana is a marvellous activity, but we're coming to the end of it and as you may have read inthe book, you know that we won this one, even though I didn't mention that Laura is my adoptive mother, alot because they didn't want the truth in the book, but the presentation part is coming up too, and after thatit's going to be another of Alan's misadventures, having to go on a trip to Europe, just remembering thisgymkhana makes me tired, with all the energy I wasted, but it was a lot of fun really, I'll keep talking, youneed to go to an edition that's going to relive this event."
See you, gymkhana witches...