Underneath the cover of the darkness, Michael kept his ears open and his eyes narrowed as he traversed through the dingy halls of his own pizzeria— crouching on his knees to suppress the sounds of his light footsteps, and keeping his shoulder pressed against the grimy walls as he moved quietly with the handle of his sharpened kitchen knife in hand.
Experienced in the art of stealth, Michael kept Rizo's lifeless, fleece body in his pocket; not daring to leave any evidence of his kill behind, the young man snuck his way across the ramshackle stage— making sure to give Trash and the Gang a nod of approval, seeing how they had already disposed of Beaker's felt-husk of a corpse.
'Two down, and… Shit, I don't think I actually know just how many there are in total,' Michael realized silently, while feeling his heart racing inside of his chest as he slid underneath the nearest picnic-styled table— crawling on his stomach, and taking cover underneath the cheap fabric that draped over the edges of the table top.
'Even so… I've got a weapon, and allies— I've been in worse situations than this,' Michael assured himself— reinforcing his resolve. It was then that Michael's keen ears picked up on the multitude of soft footsteps shifting about from the direction of the left, southern hallway. Quieting his breath and tightening his fingers around the handle of the superior kitchen knife, Michael remained as still as he humanly could as the group of remaining muppets drew nearer.
Leading the group with his Louisville slugger resting over his slender shoulder, Kermit's webbed feet carried him over to the front of the stage— his glassy eyes gazing up at the vacuum with googly eyes that stood front and center on the elevated platform before him.
"Hermm, now what the fuck is this piece of shit?!" Kermit asked in his iconic voice, while sounding especially smug and condescending as he nodded his chinless head up at the jury-rig spectacle on stage.
Unlike Miss Piggy and Sam Eagle, Gonzo took his green friend's rhetoric at face value, and promptly replied in his slightly-scratchy voice, "Well that's a vacuum, Kermit; a vacuum with googly eyes, and a thin piece of wood attached to its back to emulate arms."
By the time Gonzo had finished answering what he thought was a genuine question, Kermit had already turned around with his felt-lips sucked up into an angry expression. Visibly shaking with his fingers tightening around the handle of his baseball bat, the green muppet was seconds away from bestowing his wrath upon the blue-felt creature.
But before Gonzo could share the same fate as Fozzie Bear, Sam used his deep, patriotic voice to speak up. "Kermit— my good, good friend," the eagle said in a warm voice, while being sure to subtly step in front of the obvious blue muppet. "It is imperative that we remain vigilant— for our comrades are MIA, and our target remains elusive."
Seemingly agreeing with Sam's statement, Kermit's contorted face began slowly relaxing as his long fingers ever so slightly started to loosen around the bandage-wrap handle of his blunt weapon.
"Hmm, hmm…! You know Sam, you make an excellent point," Kermit said in as calm a voice as he could muster— visibly making Sam flinch, as he raised his long noodle-arm to rest his froggy hand on the eagle's shoulder.
Attempting to remain collected, Sam's black unibrow remained horizontally straight over his stern, plastic gaze as he dared not break eye contact with his morally compromised leader. "It's the best strategic decision for us to make, Kermit."
Nodding his head softly, Kermit patted the other muppet's shoulder as he said, "Indeed it is, old friend," before finally taking a step back. "Speaking of strategy… Let's split into two groups," Kermit commanded in a falsely suggestive manner, before turning his attention over toward where his silent girlfriend stood a meter away from him.
"Miss Piggy and I are going to conduct a thorough sweep throughout the west side of the pizzeria," Kermit declared without asking for Miss Piggy's input on the matter, and made sure to silently glare at the plus size muppet to intimidate her more than he already did, before looking back at Sam while nodding towards Gonzo.
"You and Dipshit over there are gonna search throughout the east side of the building," Kermit ordered, before letting out a sinister froggy-chuckle as he brought his baseball bat down from his shoulder— so as to hold it across his felt-chest like a loaded rifle.
"And if we can't find a nary of this British Bastard within this shithole, then uhhh," Kermit paused, and let out a derdasterly lip-smack before continuing on with, "Then we're going to burn this place down to the ground, got it?!"
Riled up, Kermit's entire felt-body began to shake with fury before stabilizing by the time he advanced toward Miss Piggy. "Follow me, Pork Chops— if you know what's good for you," Kermit said with a suggestive laugh, and made sure to smack the blond pig on her ass before tugging her by the arm behind him.
Standing still to stare disapprovingly at what their friend had become, Sam shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. Once Kermit dragged Miss Piggy with him into the parts and services room, Sam turned to face Gonzo before leaning in to quietly whisper, "This must come to an end; the Kermit we once knew is gone now, Gonzo… Whatever's left of him bares no resemblance to the humble frog that came out of that swamp, so long ago…"
Processing what he had been told, Gonzo remained silent while Sam leaned away from where his ear would have been, if he wasn't a muppet. Sighing softly, Gonzo solemnly nodded his head and opened his beak to say, "I… I know, Sam… I know," and paused a bit longer before asking in a hushed voice, "What do you suppose we do…?"
"We shift the focus of this mission, that's what we do," Sam replied with bravado in his whispering voice, and remained quiet as he elaborated with, "Abandon the witch hunt, and let's search for our friends… Once we've gathered everyone, we'll confront Kermit and rescue Miss Piggy from him— the frog's death will be delivered swiftly, and without mercy…"
Although Gonzo was visibly all for Sam's plan to stage a mutiny against their oppressive leader, there was still a reluctant aura around the blue-felt muppet. Fidgeting with his fuzzy fingers, Gonzo let out a low whimper before uttering out in a quiet voice, "You saw what he did to Fozzie Bear, Sam— Kermit's a monster when he's got that bat… I don't know if all of us will be enough to make enough of a difference to overpower him…"
Seemingly empathetic of his friend's reluctance, Sam held his judgment as he reassuringly squeezed his feathered hand down on Gonzo's arm— pulling him closer to his brakes face, and silently gazing down into the blue muppet's submissive gaze. "You let "Daddy America" handle that, my extraterrestrial slut," Sam whispered intimately, and quietly leaned in closer before pressing the tip of his felt-beak up against Gonzo's crooked nose.
Hitching his raspy breath, Gonzo arched his back and felt fire erupting inside of his chest as the masculine bird opened his beak more to bring his mouth up against his soft, fuzzy lips— their tongues greeting one another, while the feathered muppet began embracing his secret gay lover, underneath the dim light of the ceiling lamp above.
Closing their eyelids and escaping their harsh reality within the comfort of one another's touch, their hushed moans and deep breaths grew more intense by the moment. Spreading Gonzo's small thighs apart with his knee, Sam carefully led his alien lover over to the nearest table— passionately ripping the blue muppet's second hand jorts off in one fell swoop, before laying him on his back.
Having exposed Gonzo's crotch by tearing the seams of his denim jorts from the middle, the enamored eagle took one look down at the muppet's crooked pink-dick that resembled his strange nose to a t. "Marvelous…! It's enough to make a grown man cry," Sam whispered in a worshiping tone, and made his once-nervous lover squeal submissively as he buried his beak into Gonzo's three fuzzy testicles— inhaling his musk, and visibly getting a head rush from it as he whipped his back in ecstasy.
"Mmmm, God~…! It's as intoxicating as Independence Day~…!" Sam declared sensually, and heard Gonzo giggling like a little school girl in a hushed voice.
"Hehehe~…! My boy-pussy is holding "weapons of ASS destruction", Daddy America~…!" Gonzo dirty-talked, and felt his heart skipping a beat as Sam grabbed a hold of his ankles to spread his blue-cheeks wide open.
"Then allow me to "librate" you of your butt-virginity, you filthy foreigner~…!" Sam quipped back flirtatiously, and brought Gonzo's legs down to rest them over his shoulders as he reached down to grab the muppet by the hips.
Seconds away from inserting his mighty member into the felt-anus of the alien laying out on the party table before him, it didn't take long for reality to break the spontaneous, sensual foreplay. Staring down at his own crotch and comparing it to the strangely shaped cock attached to Gonzo's groin, it didn't take long for Sam to make the ground-shaking connection that shouldn't have ever had come as a surprise to either of them.
"Wait… Why do you have a penis?" Sam questioned, while being too stunned at the revelation before him to remember to keep silent about their passionate affair.
Before the blue muppet could use what little brain power he had left to make the connection for himself, it was then that his entire felt-covered body began to violently writhe from the inside— sending unbearable waves of pain throughout the muppet's body.
Had it not been for the goofy sound effects that manifested from within Gonzo's horrifyingly expanding body, and the silly way the blue muppet was wailing in the same way a Saturday morning cartoon character would, then maybe Michael would have taken the situation as seriously as the bewildered and terrified eagle was handling it.
"Sweet Lady Liberty…! WHAT HAS BEFALLEN UPON YOU, MY BELOVED?!?" Sam shrieked out in a bloodcurdling voice, and could only watch with a broken heart as Gonzo's felt body ripped from the seams— a big, fat egg squeezing its way out of the bird's puppet-hole, and backed away with shuddering steps as he gazed upon the blue creature emerging out from the husk of his alien lover.
From where he was positioned, Michael could feel the schadenfreude fading as he laid eyes upon the dick-nosed entity that was floating above the blue muppet's felt-corpse. 'W… Wait, isn't that just…?' Michael's thoughts trailed off, as it didn't take long for him to realize that what he was gazing upon was just a near replica of Gonzo— with the exception that there were white flames coming out of the new muppet's eyes, and that he was sporting a mouth full of cartoonishly sharp teeth.
Letting out a maniacal laugh, the floating muppet stared sinisterly down at the bird that had just basically just spiked itself from fear alone— sparking of white electricity arcing off of his blue felt-arm, as he pointed a threatening finger down at Sam Eagle. "It's been a long time, hasn't it Mario?" Evil Gonzo asked with a sense of unkind familiarity to his raspy voice.
And before Sam could muster the words to correct the powerful muppet of what his actual name was, his throat was immediately gouged out by a bolt of lightning that caused his cotton innards to go up in flames. Cackling with triumphant laughter, Evil Gonzo removed the three silicon testicles from underneath his crooked nose before gobbling them up as he watched sadistically as Sam collapsed onto the floor, harder than the Twin Towers did.
Turning his back to the charred remains of the patriotic eagle, Evil Gonzo set his glowing eyes on the opened entrance of the parts and service room— his felt fingers curling into balls of fury, as he let out a low growl before screaming out in a furious battle cry, "KERMIT!!! FACE THE MONSTER YOU'VE CREATED, YOU DEGENERATE!!!"
Being summoned, Kermit finally decided to investigate the hubbub without Miss Piggy by his side— a satisfied, and perversed look reflecting along the white surfaces of his plastic eyes, which dampened the moment he turned his attention toward the levitating doppelganger of his deceased friend.
"Hmm… So. The Devil's finally come to collect, has he?" Kermit asked condescendingly, with a defiant look on his oddly calm face.
Levitating past the table where Michael was still hiding, Evil Gonzo advanced toward Kermit— hesitating and coming to a stop, only once the green muppet raised his mighty baseball bat to get into a defensive position. Growling with a despising look upon his unholy face, Evil Gonzo gnarled his upper lip at Kermit, before hatefully saying, "The kind of debt you have can never be fully repaid, you despicable fool!"
Letting out a dry laugh, Kermit tightened his grip around the handle of his Louisville slugger, and continued to lock eyes with Evil Gonzo— even as the glowing eyes of his long-time nemesis flickered over to the beaten, and battered pig that was cowering in the corner of the parts and service room. "Debt-Maxing at its finest," Kermit mused aloud and sarcastically, before taking a swing at Evil Gonzo.
Hissing as he floated back to avoid being clubbed by the frog's powerful weapon, Evil Gonzo bared his sharpened teeth at Kermit as he shouted, "Is that what our second chance is to you?! Nothing more than a mere joke?!"
Nodding his head casually before turning his baseball bat sideways to block a bolt of lightning that was fired from Evil Gonzo's fingertips, Kermit sidestepped a thrown punch before once again forcing his opponent to back away by swinging his bat at him once more.
"What can I say? It's not easy being green," Kermit quipped sassily, and took another swing at Evil Gonzo, who dodged the attack once more— at the cost of having to retreat further back towards the west side of the party room.
"You ruined us countless times when we're all still alive, Kermit! And you squandered us all in the hereafter…!" Evil Gonzo growled resentfully, and made sure to time Kermit's next swing before skillfully ducking underneath his baseball bat. "You've made a fool out of me for the LAST TIME!!! SEEEEIIII!!!"
Surprised at the counterattack, Kermit attempted to leap backwards using his powerful long-legs to hop away towards safety, but was thwarted when all of a sudden he felt an agonizing pain erupting from abdomen. Dropping his bat and frantically wiggling his long, noodle arms above his head, Kermit let out another goofy cry as Evil Gonzo ripped a handful of stuffing from within his felt-body.
Raising his hand up to his crooked nose, Evil Gonzo stared cathartically at the innards of the frog who he had once respected— releasing his grip, and letting Kermit's cotton stuffing drop to the floor like fallen snow, as the blue muppet slowly turned his attention back toward the green frog.
"You did this to yourself, Kermit… All of this? This was your doing, not mine," Evil Gonzo said dauntingly, while watching as Kermit fell to his knees.
Trying to hold the rest of his stuffing in with his large hands, Kermit gasped for air while whimpering in pain as his opponent hovered victoriously before him. "You… You and everybody else… You're all holding onto something that isn't there anymore," Kermit managed to articulate in his usual voice— attempting to remain strong and coherent, for reasons that were beyond Michael, who was still watching the scene unfold before him with intrigued eyes.
"… We had it all at once, Kermit: fame, admiration, and respect," Evil Gonzo spoke with sincerity in his raspy voice— a tone of melancholy falling upon his words, as the muppet began reminiscing on his past life. "Five years of glory… Gone, before its time… And for what?" Evil Gonzo asked in a solemn voice, and took a momentary pause to lament on how far they had fallen, before signing as he lowered his head.
"The debt you owe to me Kermit— the debt you owe to all of us… It can't be repaid, for already you've sold your soul, and the rest of ours as well, oh so long, long ago, my old friend," Evil Gonzo said in a content voice— one that was immediately replaced by bewilderment, the moment the powerful muppet heard Kermit letting out a weak, and amused croaking chuckle.
"What's so damn hilarious about what I said, Kermit?! Did all of that just GO over your head, or are you really THAT far gone?!" He demanded furiously, to which was answered with a joyless smile, as Kermit raised his head up to lock eyes with the distracted muppet.
"Sex… Sex and Murder, you dipshit: our souls were sold down the river, long before we first aired the pilot of the Muppets Show," Kermit shot back wearily, and let out another painful laugh as he took enjoyment from the look of outrage written all over Evil Gonzo's vile face.
"The life… The "Second Life" I've chosen to live here…? The… T-The one you so foolishly deemed as degeneracy…!" Kermit said defiantly with his knees quaking, and had to pause mid speech to catch himself with his trembling noodle-arms, and laid hunched over on his hands and knees as the stuffing in his felt-body began to give out from underneath him.
"This… This is who we were always meant to be, Gonzo…! This is… This is what God intended for us…! Y… Your supposed morals, and or lack thereof…? It's all fictitious nonsense, Gonzo… It always has been," Kermit said in a dying voice, and remained smiling defiantly as he saw Evil Gonzo's lifeless body rag doll across the room— after Michael had scored a critical sneak attack by backstabbing the powerful muppet when his guard had finally fallen.
Genuinely surprised at how easily Evil Gonzo had fallen to his blade, Michael stared down at his superior knife with an impressed look in his blue eyes. "Bloody hell, this is a good knife…! Hard to imagine that I got this damn thing so cheaply," Michael muttered amusingly to himself, before finally looking past his glimmering blade to see Kermit gazing up at him with his glossy eyes.
"Wherever this is… We didn't come here for a second chance at life, boy; we came here to discover whether or not we were ever truly alive to begin with," the green muppet declared in a quiet, weary voice, fully expecting Michael to cradle his felt-body in his last moments, but was met with disappointment as Michael made use of his Afton genes by stabbing the vile frog through his head.
"B… But that's none of my business," Kermit said as his final words, before collapsing onto his stomach as Michael pulled his beloved kitchen knife out of the muppet's felt-head— his arms and legs splayed outward across the checkered floor that was coated heavily in clumps of stuffing.
"Well… That's that then, I guess," Michael muttered under his breath, as he leaned down to pick Kermit's lifeless body off of the ground— shaking the stuffing out of him in the same manner one would use to shake the dirt off of a carpet.
Looking over his shoulder, Michael's brain began formulating a profitable plan as his fingers felt the felt-surface of Kermit's husk. 'I could probably salvage the material from these little bastards… Probably would save me some, uh… Lien? I think that's what the money's called here?' Michael wondered to himself, before turning around to stare down at Helpy— who had his porn magazine rolled up and tucked under his small arm.
Amused by the sight of seeing his bucktooth companion in the wake of the muppet massacre, Michael squatted down to get closer to Helpy, and had a warm smile across his face as he took the rusty shears from the small animatronic bear.
"I see you've been busy, mate," Michael commented, as he took notice of the clump of cotton that was stuck on the blade of Helpy's shears. "Hopefully it was nothing that you couldn't handle, huh?" He asked, to which the small bear winked reassuringly towards him, earning himself a chuckle from the British man, who in turn looked up towards the ceiling— taking a moment to breathe it all in, and to collect his thoughts.
"This… Certainly was quite the bizarre night, now wasn't it?" Michael mused with a sigh of relief, as he slid the shears into his back-pocket, as Helpy gave the young man an agreeing nod— a cartoonish look of exasperation across the animatronic's hard-plastic face, as he let out a silent sigh of his own as Michael rose up onto his two feet.
"As eventful as this evening has been, I'm afraid to say that you and I have got a long road ahead of us, mate," Michael said with resolve in his heart, and felt supported alone by the determined thumbs up Helpy raised his free arm to give to him.
"Cheers, that's what I like to see," Michael applauded with joyful sincerity in his voice, and continued to smile even as his eyes became inquisitive as both he and Helpy turned their attention to the last remaining muppet left in the pizzeria.
"Now then… The only matter left to attend to is deciding whether this little piggy is going to the market, or if she's going to go "wee wee wee" all the way home," Michael mused loud enough for Miss Piggy to hear, as she stared back at them with terrified eyes from the corner of the parts and services room— her fate left entirely to the young man, who had the choice to either be a pacifist, or to use his fists.