The fact that Bai Zi Qian was constantly visiting the beautiful widow who owned the newly opened wine shop in town set tongues wagging, and it was not long when Liu Dong Yan and her mother heard of it.

They knew better than to confront the widow when Bai Zi Qian was around, so they did it at a time when they knew he was busy with business over at the next town. They walked in the wine shop, but as it was full of customers, they had to wait for a while before they could secure a table. Li Susu promptly came to them. "What are you having, Madam and Miss?" she asked politely.

"A jar of your finest wine," Mother Liu demanded haughtily. Li Susu nodded. "Please wait," she said, and turned around to fetch the wine.

When she returned, Mother Liu had her pour the wine into their cups. Li Susu obliged, understanding precisely what they intended to do.

Mother Liu spat the wine on the ground. "What is this swill?" she cried out, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "Are you serving poison here?"

Right on the mark, Li Susu thought wryly. "I assure you, that's the finest wine—"

"You've been lying to your customers, little widow," Mother Liu talked over Li Susu, "seducing them with pretty words with your pretty mouth." Li Susu said nothing, only raised an eyebrow at her emphasis on the word seducing. "It's bad enough that you're stealing money from these good people, you even had to steal my daughter's betrothed away from her!"

The people in the shop turned their heads towards the commotion Mother Liu had caused, but dared not lift a finger for Li Susu, who was ultimately still a stranger in their town. Liu Dong Yan had long been a darling of the townspeople, so most of them sympathized with her. Li Susu, meanwhile, still kept silent, and maintained a calm composure opposite Mother Liu's inflamed one.

"Don't think we don't know who's been frequenting your shop and home ever since you came to this town, Miss Li Susu," Mother Liu continued her tirade. "And I'm telling you right now, Bai Zi Qian is betrothed to my daughter. He's already as good as married to her, so don't you think for one second that you can take my daughter's happiness from her. Go find someone else you can take, but not Bai Zi Qian." She motioned for her daughter to stand.

Liu Dong Yan stood slowly. "Miss Liu," she said in an aggrieved tone, "I love Bai Zi Qian, and I know he loves me too. Please don't turn his head away from what we have." Without a backward glance at Li Susu, she followed her mother out of the wine shop.

Li Susu remained still, looking towards the door where the two women had left. Around her, she could hear murmurs from the people in the shop. Then, slowly, people started leaving, mumbling apologies.

Thus, an empty shop was what Bai Zi Qian found when he got back. He found Li Susu sitting on one of the tables, chin rested on dainty fingers, looking pensively out the window. He coughed to get her attention. "Slow day today?" he asked, by way of greeting.

"Master Bai," Li Susu said, smiling. "You're back." She gestured towards the empty seat beside her. "Come sit for a while before I close the shop."

Bai Zi Qian's eyes narrowed slightly. Something felt off with the way Li Susu smiled at him. It felt… sad. "Did something happen today?" he asked tentatively as he walked and sat on the seat she pointed out.

Li Susu didn't answer immediately, and continued leaning her chin on her hand. "Madam and Miss Liu came by this morning," she said simply, not looking at him.

Bai Zi Qian clenched his teeth. He understood immediately. Nothing good ever comes when Mother Liu talks. "I'll talk to them tomorrow," he said.

Li Susu turned to him. "No," she said, shaking her head. "There's no need."

Bai Zi Qian looked around. "But if they caused this…" he said, gesturing at the empty shop, "then…"

Li Susu shook her head firmly. "There's no need, Master Bai," she said. "A day's loss is not much." She stood. "What I'd like you to do is to have a drink with me." Before Bai Zi Qian could continue, she went over the counter and took out a jug of wine. "I've been saving this for a special occasion, though I don't exactly know what," she said, smiling that sad smile again, "but since I just want to get drunk for now, I'm making this the special occasion, I think."

She poured out wine into their cups. "Cheers," she said, raising the cup to Bai Zi Qian, and draining it in one gulp.

Bai Zi Qian watched her pour herself another cup. "Miss Li, are you all right?" he asked, again hesitating, because obviously she wasn't.

Li Susu simply smiled at him while downing the wine yet again. She couldn't bear to tell Bai Zi Qian about Miss Liu's visit just a few hours before.

"Miss Liu," Li Susu said, acknowledging the person at the door.

Liu Dong Yan looked around her. "I hope you didn't lose much," she said, her gaze sweeping the empty shop.

"Not at all," Li Susu replied, smiling politely, refusing to be baited into hostility with her. She is, after all, Bai Zi Qian's mortal betrothed, a fact that sobered her as quickly as she thought it. "How may I help you?"

Liu Dong Yan, seeing Li Susu unruffled, walked over to Li Susu. "You must have already heard the nasty rumors surrounding you and Bai Zi Qian," she said.

Li Susu did hear some of them, but only now, right after the encounter with Mother Liu. She knew they, or rather Mother Liu, deliberately spread these rumors, to stain Li Susu's reputation. But for what, she couldn't tell.

Until now, anyway.

"Miss Li, I won't lie to you," Liu Dong Yan said, facing Li Susu squarely. "I love Bai Zi Qian. I want to marry him. I will marry him, but I want him to marry me too. I don't want him to be swayed by some beauty who will just be with him for a short time, and one who has baggage too."

Li Susu's jaw clenched at Liu Dong Yan refer to Ami as baggage, but she didn't respond. Liu Dong Yan, seeing that Li Susu remained unresponsive to her taunts, changed tack. "I don't blame you, Miss Li, for being infatuated with Bai Zi Qian," she said, leaning at the counter behind which Li Susu had stood for the entire time that Liu Dong Yan had been in the shop. "He is handsome, capable, and reliable. But you don't know what he had gone through to be the self-reliant, strong man he is now. I do. I've watched over him ever since he and I were children, ever since he lost his parents, ever since he had holed up in that small cottage in the forest. He and I have grown up together, shared experiences together, cried and laughed together, and lastly, loved each other." Liu Dong Yan stared directly into Li Susu's eyes. "I won't let him throw it all away for a momentary indulgence." She straightened. "I suggest, as a woman to another woman, for you to do the right thing, and leave."

Without waiting for a response from Li Susu, Li Dong Yan left the shop.

Li Susu swirled the wine in her third cup. She's right, she thought despondently. I've been too focused on making Bai Zi Qian remember Tantai Jin that I've forgotten… Bai Zi Qian has a life too, friends, family, relationships that he had made for the thirty or so years that he had been alive. How could I forget that just so that I could have Tantai Jin again?

She raised her cup, but Bai Zi Qian's hand stopped it halfway to her lips. "You've drunk enough, Miss Li," Bai Zi Qian said sternly.

"This is just my third cup, Master Bai," Li Susu protested, but Bai Zi Qian took the cup from her and drank the wine himself. Li Susu looked at the empty cup, then took the wine jug and tried to pour herself another cup. Bai Zi Qian watched her, then just like before, took the cup from her and drank it for her.

"If you're upset, Miss Li, you can always talk to me," Bai Zi Qian said, putting down the cup away from her reach. "What did Mother Liu say to you? or Miss Liu?"

Li Susu shook her head. "Nothing," she said, standing to take another cup from the cupboard. With a glare at Bai Zi Qian, she poured herself another cup of wine and drank. "There was nothing that they said that I didn't realize myself." At Bai Zi Qian's obvious confusion, she smiled at him and asked, "You've always asked about stories about me and my husband. May I ask you for the same, with you and Miss Liu?"

"There is no "me and Miss Liu"," Bai Zi Qian muttered. He looked at Li Susu. "It's true, I owe much to the Liu family for supporting me when my parents suddenly passed. They took me in until I could stand on my own. But there had never been love between me and the family, or even between me and Miss Liu. That betrothal," he said, leaning towards Li Susu, "was never meant to be, a joke that was forcibly turned into reality. With Mother Liu still thinking there are still more Bai family wealth I'm keeping secret, she insists on pushing through with the betrothal, even though I've always told them I won't, cannot marry Liu Dong Yan."

"But Miss Liu seems to love you very much," Li Susu said.

Bai Zi Qian shook his head. "Miss Liu, like her mother, cares about appearances," he said. "To be seen with me, betrothed to me, the last member of the Bai family, who the community still regards respectfully, is what she craves for." He looked down. "It was never me who she is interested in. And as for love…" He took his cup and drank.

Li Susu looked down on her cup as well. Memories of Tantai Jin inevitably resurfaced whenever Bai Zi Qian drew near to her.

…"You saved me because of love? What is love exactly?" Tantai Jin asked.

Ye Xiwu thought for a moment and answered, "Love is when you want to always see him, and feel happy when you do.

"Love is when you don't want him to die."

…Tantai Jin stood in front of Ye Xiwu, and took the brunt of the fireball Tantai Minglang's demon cultivator threw at them.

…"Ye Xiwu, are you abandoning me too?"

"Have you ever loved someone, Bai Zi Qian?" Li Susu asked, not looking at him, and instead drinking from her cup.

Bai Zi Qian looked at her. Li Susu's use of his name was not lost on him, jolting his heart to speed up its beating. But her question made him pause. "Love, Miss Li?" he couldn't help but ask. "I… I don't know." He looked down at his hand. "Apart from my parents, I've never had anyone else to love."

Until now.

But he couldn't say it aloud, not in front of Li Susu, not yet, when he himself is unsure of his feelings for her. All he knew is that he felt happy whenever she was near, and he missed her terribly when she wasn't. He wanted to know what she was doing, what she was thinking, what she was feeling, every time, every day.

He simply wanted to be with her, just like this.

"Could you… love me?"

Bai Zi Qian raised his eyes to meet Li Susu's. "W…What?" he asked, not believing his ears.

Li Susu looked at him tenderly. "Could you love me, Bai Zi Qian?" she asked softly. The warmth of the alcohol, the dim light of the candles, and the loneliness of a thousand years made her speak those words.

Could you love me again, Tantai Jin?

Bai Zi Qian looked at her for a long time. Then, he bit his lip and looked down. "Don't look at me like that, Miss Li," he said quietly.

"Look at you like what?"

Bai Zi Qian's jaw clenched. "Like you're looking at your dead husband, who you miss very much," he answered. He raised his eyes and looked at her hard. "I am not him."

Li Susu smiled slightly. "Yes, you're not him," she agreed, and took another sip of her wine. "I've told you and Ami a lot of wonderful things about my husband. Thus, you must have had an image of him being the perfect, loving husband, and that I had always been in love with him."

She drank deeply and poured herself another cup of wine before continuing. "I don't mind telling you this now," she said, looking at Bai Zi Qian, smiling slightly. "When I first saw my husband, I hated him."

Bai Zi Qian looked surprised. Li Susu smiled and continued. "I hated his coldness, his disregard for the affection and even the lives of others, and his manipulative tricks. I did everything I could to interrupt his schemes, to outmaneuver him, to lie to him, and finally, to destroy him."

To drown out the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes, Li Susu downed another cup of wine. She reached out for the jug, but Bai Zi Qian stopped her. "Miss Li, you don't have to tell me this if it pains you," he said, concerned. Li Susu shook her head, pausing a while as the motion made her dizzy. She gently eased his hold on her hand, and poured herself another cup of wine.

"I want to tell you this," Li Susu said. "I need to tell you this." She took a deep breath, and exhaled. "Even after he'd turned over a new leaf, and became more human in his relationships with others, I still doubted him. I turned him down, repeatedly, when he tried to reach out to me. Even at the very last moment of his life, when he had wanted to hear from me the very words he longed for me to say, I held them back, denying him the confirmation that indeed, I had fallen in love with him somewhere along the way." She raised her cup and drank again, but this time the tears couldn't be stopped. When she put down her cup, she found her hand shaking.

"When I lost him, that's when I realized how lonely he had been, how sad, how pitiful. His life didn't start well, he was never shown kindness in his youth, and even throughout his lifetime, he was doubted by everyone he met, not only me. Every good that he did was repaid with evil, every good feeling he had was tainted with suspicion. I didn't understand him well, so I never knew how much… how much he loved me." She raised her hand and continually wiped the tears that couldn't stop flowing. "Just when I had loved him, I lost him."

Li Susu tried to continue, but the tears didn't stop. The alcohol definitely helped unblock the regrets that she had held back for so long, so very long, but it was also because of Bai Zi Qian, nay Tantai Jin, in front of her that compelled her to reveal all.

She felt arms hold her close to a beating chest, and she clung to the body surrounding her as tightly as she could. "Please forgive me," she whispered, soaking the shoulder on which she had leaned her head. "Forgive me for not giving you the love you deserved… forgive me for not loving you as much as you loved me…"

The warmth of the arms that held her tightly, and the effect of the wine, finally lulled Li Susu to the peace of unconsciousness. "Forgive me for not saying the words to you… Tantai Jin," she whispered, as her eyes slowly closed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bai Zi Qian held Li Susu's shaking body until she had fallen asleep. He continued holding her as the night wore on, with a somber expression on her face. Then, in a quiet moment, he leaned forward, and kissed her forehead softly.

"I forgive you, Li Susu," he whispered, gently caressing her beloved face. She smiled sleepily at his touch. "I love you."