...
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...
I slowly start to open my eyes. My hair is in the way of my vision so I get it out of the way.
I don't know this ceiling.
I just had to make that joke, ya know? Anyway.
I get up and notice that I'm in a carriage, I can feel the slight bumps, I can see the changing scenery in the window, and I can see the fact that there are other people like me in here that are still knocked out.
I wave my left arm in front of a face of a random one to gauge his reaction.
Heh. I was the first one to wak-
Then everything shatters.
The arm that I was waving gets destroyed from the elbow down, my legs from the knees down, the multiple bodies on the floor get cut up in a multitude ways, the whole carriage gets cut into so many pieces that calling them innumerable would be an understatement.
I can feel something flowing on my face, as my Thought Acceleration turns on and I try to process what happened.
...
But I can't.
I fall to the ground and touch my face with my only remaining shaking hand. And when I look at it as I remove it from my face.
BLOOD.
Then I remember the cut up bodies that were in the carriage with me.
I want to throw up, but my body won't allow it.
Blood?
I want to scream, but I know that that'll just alert the enemies.
Blood.
I want to cry, but no tears come out.
...
Death.
As the concept that someone has died right in front of me seeps into my mind, my whole body starts shaking and my mind even forgets about the pain I'm supposed to be feeling.
D...Death? Someone... Died? So close to me? N-no way... right?
I stop moving and feeling entirely, as the realization hit me.
I... falied...
I only wanted to do one thing and I failed.
Even after that cool self-improving speech that I gave myself, I'm still nothing.
All I wanted to do, was change one thing. Just one.
And yet I still failed.
it's not like I can fix this either.
With so much of my body and mana missing I'm completely useless in battle, so buying enough time for Crusch and Rem to run away is impossible.
I wanted to consume them and keep them in my stomach so that they wouldn't have to encounter the Archbishops, but it's too late for that.
Everything I've done is useless.
There's no way to turn back time and fix the mistake I made.
...
...
...
Wait...
...
...
...
Maybe I can't...
...
...
...
BUT SUBARU CAN!
As I close my eyes and pretend to be dead, I immediately start drawing up a plan on how to proceed with things.
I'm just gonna have to tell Subaru what happened to Rem and he would kill himself. There's no need to reveal that I know about RbD, because revealing that fact may add some complications to the story.
The only problem is the fact that Subaru will change something and I won't have the advantage of knowing the future.
No there's actually another one. For all I know this kind of situation may repeat many times and Subaru will have to kill himself many times. That many extra deaths might completely change how he goes about arc 4 which might end in a some kind of IF scenario, and there's no guarantee that it'll be a good one...
Shit, this is bad.
Even the tiniest of changes can end in something like the Purge King, so who says a couple of deaths won't end in something like the second coming of the Witch Of Envy?
...
Rem.
That's who.
She will keep him in line.
Even after she got into a coma and he forgot his memories, she still kept him in line.
So who says an alive and present one can't do something similar?
...
In the end I can't lose my advantage of knowing the future, so I'm gonna have to reveal that I know about RbD.
No, wait! I have a better idea!
I'll just say something like: "If only I had been awake I would have saved them." And after that everything will be gucci!
After finally deciding on my course of action, I decided to scan around me using my Mana Sense, so that I wouldn't have to open my eyes or do any other kind of movements.
After confirming that Rem was still fighting the Archbishops, I transformed into my slime form, slid under a carriage part and focused on healing myself.
.▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒.
I could hear Lye talking in frustration.
Lye: "Where is he? Why can't we find him? He was certainly put with the rest of these dead guys, but his corpse is nowhere to be found. We are quite sad we couldn't find him. He's a good meal. He's quite a good meal. Is he a good meal? He's most certainly a good meal. Maybe he's not that good of a meal. Or maybe he is. Either way we would have still liked him! Gluttonous drinking ~tsu! Gluttony ~tsu!"
The person he was talking about was unfortunately me. He seemed to have been impressed by the fact that I was able to get rid of the Whale's mist and he has been searching for me for the past 15 minutes.
Thankfully Regulus has already left, but Lye was still a problem.
The only reason I could even know that he's here is because I added a single ear to my slime body to get more information.
Mana Sense doesn't seem to work on him which is a pretty big problem.
After another 5 minutes of saying how sad he was, he left.
I waited for another 3 minutes before transforming into my human form and starting to run.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to fully regenerate myself during that time, so I had to transfer the cells from my arms to my legs.
This meant that my balance was a little bit off, but it was still better than slime form, in which I couldn't even see where I was going.
I somewhat remember where the Arlam village is, courtesy of the maps that I looked at, so I just had to run in that general direction.
.▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒.
As I get to the village I notice the fact that the village is burnt down, Emilia is standing in the center with everyone looking at her in disbelief.
So this is the first loop. Just like I thought.
I notice as Ia flies out of Subaru's body and he starts acting weirdly.
Is it even possible to give him the needed information on this loop?
...
I guess I'll try. Let's hope the fact that Rem is in trouble will be enough for him to resist Petelguese's control.
I follow Subaru Felix and Julius as they go into the forest.
When I caught up with them it was already the climax.
Subaru: "Kill me Julius. Use your sword..."
Should I interfere or should I not? Shit this is a bad situation. Maybe I'll just tell every thing to him in the next loop? Would that be better? Dammit, I shouldn't be so indecisive! Just do it! Stop thinking about the worst that could happen! You're not the past you!
Cylob: "I'm sorry to intrude, but I bring bad news."
Everyone looks at me in shock as I emerge from the trees.
Felix: "Cylo-kyun, are you alright?!"
What is he so worried about? Oh, wait. I don't have arms right now, do I?
Cylob: "Don't worry I'm fine, but I have something I would like to report."
Julius puts on a more serious expression.
Julius: "What happened?"
Cylob: "The carriage that was carrying Crusch-sama was attacked by two Archbishops. Fortunately she didn't get hurt much, so she's fine."
Talking so formally like this is not as bad as I thought it would be.
Subaru: "Crusch-sama... wait. Wasn't Rem in there with her? What happened to Rem?!"
Subaru regained some reasonable light in his eyes.
Cylob: "Could you please describe the person you are referring to?"
He put his hands on my shoulders.
Subaru: "A maid! With blue hair and blue eyes! What happened to her?!"
Cylob: "She became a sleeping beauty."
Subaru: "What's a sleeping beauty?!"
Cylob: "She is alive, but unresponsive. Think of it like a sleep that you can't wake up from. Also if I may ask, where did she some from?"
Subaru's eyes widened in disbelief and rejection.
Subaru: "What do you mean by that?"
Cylob: "I, including everyone else, do not remember a single thing about her. And she is not the only one. There are other victims like her. Do you remember them as well?"
Subaru grit his teeth and looked downward as the light from his eyes started fading.
Cylob: "I apologize for what happened. If only I had been awake at the time I could have saved her I'm sure." I kneeled
Subaru's eyes regained some light and looked at me.
Subaru: "Are you sure?"
Cylob: "Yes. I have a special kind of magic that would have certainly kept her alive and well." I look at him as well "But why are you even asking me this?" I cocked my head with a puzzled look.
Subaru: "No reaso- Agh!"
He put his head into his hands.
Subaru: "I can't... any...more."
Subaru looked pleadingly at Felix.
Subaru: "Please."
Felix starts crying and walks up to Subaru.
Felix: "You can resent me for this Subaru-kyun. I will too."
Felix puts a hand on Subaru's cheek.
Subaru: "AAAAAAAAA!"
Subaru falls down on the grass.
Julius: "Ferris!"
Cylob: "Don't blame him! It's what Subaru wanted, not Ferris! And are you just going to let him suffer like that?! Or are you going to make it easier for him?!" I glare at Julius.
Julius: "Hk." He is taken aback by my comment and looks at Subaru again.
Julius walks up to Subaru and raises his sword.
Julius: "It was my lack of virtue that forced this undesirable decision on you and Ferris. I'm sure I'll be punished for it someday." And with excellent skill he swings the sword down.
Subaru's head rolles on the ground.
I don't feel my stomach churning, but I still feel sick.
Cylob: "That's really disturbing. Guess the Whale didn't help me with my death problem."
All of us stand in silence while looking at Subaru's dead body.
They're probably mourning his death. Can't blame them.
...
Let's do something stupid.
I walk up to Subaru's dead body.
...
Let's pour all my feelings out. Right here. Right now.
Cylob: "Privet Satella (Hi Satella). I'm not sure whether you can hear me or not, but I guess this is the first time I'm talking to you. Sorry if it's a bad time, I just wanted to make sure you know I know about you and your connection to Subaru. You should ignore me from now on, as I'm just gonna talk about my feelings."
I don't register Felix's and Julius's gazes on me.
I should've done this earlier and gotten some help, but I'm stubborn. I don't know if I'll ever reveal my feelings to somebody, but I hope I do. I'm stubborn and I know it, so I will try to do everything by myself, just like Subaru at the start. Even though I know I need to improve like Subaru did, I'm not sure if I can or if I will ever try. That's so like me: knowing what is wrong, but not working on fixing it. Heh, I'm quite the hard enemy to overcome.
I can feel something flowing on my face.
Cylob: "...Mne bilo tak strashno (I was so scared). The death of those knights, it was so scary. And I will see so much more death and blood that I'm not sure whether I will be able to keep going. No matter how many pep-talks I give myself, death will always scare me. I keep saying I won't give up, but I'm not sure whether that's true. I constantly lie to myself to try to make myself feel better."
Julius: "Why did you call the Witch by her name?"
I look down.
Why did I do that?
...
...
...
I look up to the sky.
Cylob: "Ya sam ne znayu (I don't why myself)... But it's probably because... Because I hate lying and I'm finally gonna stop lying to myself. Because I know too much about this world and I'm finally gonna stop hiding that fact. Because I want to fix everything, but the responsibility is tough to bear. Because I want to make everyone understand that the Witch is actually nice, even tho that's impossible. Because I want to save everyone: Rem, Crusch, Shaula and many more, even tho that's also impossible. Because I want to change people for the better ₑₗₛₐ, I want to tell people the truth ᵣₑₐₗₐ ₜₕₒₘₚₛₒₙ, I want to do all of it, but I don't know whether I'll be able to. I want to do way too much and I've been lying to myself about how much I actually wanna do, so that I won't be scared by the sheer scale."
Julius: "The Witch is nice? Whᵃᵗ ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵃʸ ᵗʰᵃᵗˀ ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᵐᵃᵈᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗʰᶦ...
...
My expectations for myself are too much... I know I don't want to change just one thing, I want more. The only reason I tell myself I want to do only one thing, is because that responsibility is much easier to bear. It's kinda funny how the only thing that can make me confront my emotions is the literal end of the world. That's kinda pathetic isn't it? I know I'm lying to myself, but I can't do anything about it, I'm only 15 after all. Is that an excuse or a genuine reason? I don't know. But I know one thing for sure: I want to change a lot. Even though I will most likely fail, I still want to try no matter how hard it's going to be...
...
Other me, please confront your emotions just like I did. Don't hide from them, and find somebody to support you, because if you don't... I'm scared of what I could become. It feels weird to be talking about myself and not myself at the same time. Is this what Subaru felt like in Arc 6? There I go sidetracking again. But seriously, find somebody to rely on... please.
Change the world, but not by yourself. Get help from other people and overcome challenges with them. I know you can do it. You are not useless.""
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Bring it on fate.