The Westbrooke Deepend Mental Institution stood as a formidable fortress of sanity amidst the chaos of a thunderstorm-laden night. Inside, Darin Peter Oswald, the institution's most electrifying patient, contemplated his escape plan with a mischievous glint in his eyes. His reputation for lightning-fast escapes was matched only by his ability to conjure actual lightning bolts—a fact that both terrified and amused the staff.

Darin was seated in his room reading about the Monroe Insitute's project to create a weather modification device through mental focus, numerology, and determination. He glanced at the storm brewing outside like the best moonshine, muttering to himself,

"Howdy, Miss Nature, you sure are lookin' fine today. What's that? Ya'll are depressed? Light things up a bit for ya? Obliged"

He reached under his pillow, pulling out a contraband makeshift lightning rod he had crafted from a broken mop handle and some tin foil. "Time to light up this joint and smoke it," he chuckled, as he

began playing the song "School's Out for Summer" on his newly "acquired" smartphone.

Across the hall, Nurse Jenkins, a perpetually flustered young nurse, made her rounds. She paused at Darin's door, sniffing the air suspiciously. "I swear I smell ozone," she muttered, trying to recall if that was a bad sign or just Darin heating up his ramen noodles again.

Inside Darin's room, the makeshift lightning rod crackled to life as Darin channeled his inner Tesla. With a dramatic flourish, he pointed the rod at the electronic lock on his door. "Yeeeh fuckin' haw" he proclaimed theatrically.

The lock sparked, sizzled, and then clicked open. Darin grinned like a mad scientist who had just discovered fire. "Onwards to freedom, you fucking honorary outlets!" he declared, putting on the song "Attitude City" by NSP on his smartphone, leaping off his bed and dashing into the hallway.
Chaos erupted as alarms blared and staff rushed to contain the situation. Nurse Jenkins stumbled upon the scene, her eyes widening as she saw Darin standing triumphantly in the hallway as he changed

the tune on his phone to "The Metal" by Tenacious D.

"Darin, what in the name of sanity are you doing?!" she exclaimed, her voice a mix of exasperation and incredulity.

Darin twirled the lightning rod like a baton. "Oh, you know, just sparking some joy in this dreary place," he quipped, flashing a grin that was both charming and slightly unhinged.

"You're going back to your room, mister," Nurse Jenkins insisted, pointing a shaky finger at Darin.

"Sorry, Nurse Jenkins, but I've got a date with Mother Nature. She's on her period, yes, but I'm being a very supportive boyfriend, giving her lots of outlets for her pain and frustration" Darin retorted, ducking under her outstretched arm and dashing down the hall, but not before zapping her with a buzzer.

Nurse Jenkins gave chase, her sensible shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor. "You are so not getting extra coconut cream pie tonight, Darin!" she shouted after him, a mix of frustration and amusement in her voice.

Darin simply glanced back at Nurse Jenkins with a cruel unforgiving smile:

"Bummer," said Darin, chuckling.

Later...

Outside, thunder rumbled ominously as Darin reached the courtyard. He raised his makeshift lightning rod to the sky, laughing maniacally. "Let's see them try to contain this, this one's for you Miss Kiveat,

can ya feel it baby?!" he cried, channeling his energy into the rod.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning shot down from the heavens, striking the rod with a spectacular display of sparks and crackles. Darin rode the surge of electricity like a rodeo cowboy on a bucking bull and got

away with relative ease.

Nurse Jenkins skidded to a halt, staring in disbelief as Darin surfed the lightning like a bizarre blend of Thor and a surfer dude. "Okay, that's it! I'm calling the FBI!" she yelled into her walkie-talkie, wondering how she would ever explain this to anyone.

Meanwhile the phantom loud screams of a man being stabbed to death could be heard.

"AAAAAAAAAUGH! NOO!"

MUCH LATER IN THE DAY:

In a dimly lit basement office at FBI headquarters, Agent Fox Mulder sat hunched over a cluttered desk, his eyes fixed intently on the computer screen before him. Nearby, Agent Dana Scully stood with a stack of autopsy reports in her hand, her brow furrowed in deep concentration. The flickering fluorescent lights cast eerie shadows across the room, adding to the air of quiet intensity that always seemed to permeate their investigations.

Mulder finally broke the silence, his voice tinged with both frustration and fascination. "Scully, this doesn't make any sense. How could Darin Peter Oswald have escaped from a maximum-security mental institution without triggering a single alarm?"

Scully, ever the voice of reason, adjusted her glasses thoughtfully. "Mulder, spare me the details, surely you know the answer"

Mulder leaned back in his chair, his mind racing with theories and possibilities. "What if there's more to Oswald than we know? What if his escape is connected to something bigger?"

Before Scully could respond, their office door creaked open, and Assistant Director Walter Skinner entered with a grave expression on his face. "Mulder? Scully? I need you in my office immediately."

Mulder and Scully exchanged a glance, their curiosity piqued as they followed Skinner down the sterile corridors of the FBI headquarters. The trio entered Skinner's office, where the air seemed heavy with the weight of impending revelations.

Skinner wasted no time in getting to the point. "We've just received word of a murder. Dr. Jeffrey Benton, an astronomer researching Nibiru, was found dead in his home last night. His research notes are missing."

Mulder's eyes narrowed with intrigue. "Nibiru? The ancient Sumerian planet of the gods? What was Benton researching?"

Skinner hesitated briefly before answering, his voice low and cautious. "He believed that Nibiru's return could trigger catastrophic events on Earth. His death appears to be connected to whatever he uncovered"

As Mulder and Scully absorbed this information, a few floors below, in a secluded room filled with the acrid smoke of expensive cigars, the Cigarette Smoking Man stood before a group of his henchmen. His sharp eyes gleamed with a mix of malevolence and quiet satisfaction as he lowered his Marlboro into his ash tray hastily and cruelly murdering his cigarette, snuffing out his life force with a powerful push.

Now, let's join Langley, Frohike and John, the Lone Gunmen (no they never died)

"This looks totally frickin' brotastic" said Langley as he observed the screen of his computer.

A small little virtual pet-a pancake with two giant snail-like eyestalks and cute little beedy

eyeballs could be seen on it.

"Hi, I want to learn and adapt to you" said the creature. "My name is Frohike"

"Why does it have my name? Isn't that a bit suspicious?" suggested Frohike.

"Definitely, let's make this a front page story for our paper" replied John.

"This is some kind of trojan. I think I wanna watch what it does though.

It's fricking awesome" said Langley.

"Beep, beep, I am going to install a Madden Football game for you" said the creature.

"I was just kidding about my name being Frohike. It's SpooFroo the Pancake isn't that neat?"

said SpooFroo. Then SpooFroo generated an AI football field on the screen. But it flashed

an image of the Cigarette Smoking Man, and clips of the Zapruder film for eight seconds.

"Put a pause on that bitch," said Langley, pointing his index finger at the screen.

"You can't. It's taken over your computer, Langley. You're the nerd, you oughta

know what to do. Stop downloading random video games on Steam" said John.

"Oh, look it was just kidding. It didn't mean to show those things. It just told

me it wants to play virutal tennis with me. Isn't that cute?" said Langley, playing

tennis with the pancake. The pancake then posed a question to the three men:

"What do you know about PLanet X?" said the creature.

"That's should be salient to us all. It's sloshing around surreptitiously stealing

all the files from my folders. I'm gonna have to kill this thing" said Langley.

"Now why would you say a thing like that? I am your friend. We are going to build

a world together based on the data I get from your mind-your brain-and your very soul"

said the pancake.

"You guys ever wonder if maybe talking to these things is how the Grey aliens from Zeta Reticuli

learn about our human emotions?" asked John.

"Possible. I know one thing I'd love to have been the programmer of this thing so I could see

the look on Agent Scully's face if this entrepreneurial pancake man were taught to hit on her" said Langley.

We'll check in on the delightful antics of "The Three Stooges" later,

for now let's join Mulder and Scully:

Meanwhile:

Dr. Jason Benton, a renowned astronomer, lay sprawled on the lab floor, his eyes frozen in terror. A knife was etched into his heart. Blood pooled around him, still freshly oozing out and mingling with the antiseptic smell of the lab. Papers and books were strewn chaotically, and the telescope stood sentinel-like, pointing to the sky.

Mulder and Scully burst in like hyenas on the hunt their flashlights cutting through the darkness like a knife through a cake.
Mulder's face was set in a grim expression as he surveyed the scene, while Scully knelt beside the body, her medical training kicking in.

"These wounds are defensive," Scully remarked, noting the deep gashes on Benton's arms. "He put up a fight, but his attacker was determined."

Mulder nodded thoughtfully, eyes scanning the disarray. "Looks like Benton had his share of enemies. It also looks like this wasn't just some mild difference of opinion" he added in a shrewd tone.

He picked up a shard of glass, examining it closely. "This is from his telescope. Someone wanted something he was researching hidden, or maybe someone wanted to make sure that something obstructed his view of Venus"

Scully's brow furrowed. "His research on Nibiru? You have to be kidding me, that stuff you read about in the Babylon Bee, the Onion, and BeforeitsNews right?"

"Maybe because the astrological industrial complex didn't want his research released to the public," Mulder mused. "If Benton was right, it would shake up everything we know about our galaxy. Someone had a lot to lose."

"You've already lost your mind and have a lot more to lose with that conclusion, Mulder, have you ever honestly asked yourself how a planet ten times the size of the earth right in front of our sun

would be 'covered up' no you haven't, sweetie!" muttered Scully under her breath.

A sudden crash from the adjacent room made them both tense. Mulder gestured for Scully to stay back as he cautiously approached, gun drawn, but Scully darted in front of him anyway, exercising her strong will and independent spirit. Papers fluttered eerily in the dim light, a cold breeze from a broken window chilling the air.

"They were searching for something," Scully observed, joining Mulder.

"What if they were planning to give that research a starring role in a great disappearing act, Scully?" Mulder added, eyes narrowing. "I hear talk they might still be able to accomplish said feat if they can just find the right cigarette smoking director"

The lights flickered and died, enveloping them in darkness. Their flashlights seemed inadequate now, barely illuminating the shadows. Mulder glimpsed a fleeting figure outside. He moved towards the window in a rush, Scully right behind, but the figure had vanished into the night.

"They knew exactly what they were after," Mulder muttered grimly. "And they're not done yet."

Scully nodded firmly. "We need to uncover what Benton was onto and who would kill to keep it quiet."

"You don't suppose Sir Sparksalot had anything to do with this, eh Scully?" suggested Mulder.
Scully rolled her eyes.

The FBI bullpen hummed with activity. Mulder and Scully were surrounded by paperwork, Mulder unusually relaxed with a donut in one hand and coffee in the other, a mischievous grin on his face.

Scully glanced at him, a hint of amusement in her eyes. "Mulder, those donuts aren't doing your health any favors."

Mulder shrugged, powdered sugar clinging to his cheek. "I'll die happy, Scully. Besides, can't resist these."

Before Scully could reply, Doggett and Reyes walked in with trays of coffee and donuts. Doggett chuckled, placing a coffee in front of Mulder. "Thought you might need a caffeine boost, Mulder. Tough case ahead, word on the street is it's about the Big Red Planet Twelve Times the Size of Earth that

Almost Wasn't" said Dogget.

Reyes handed out donuts, a playful and very attractive gleam in her eyes. "And extra sugar for your investigations. Here's to the emerald tablets of Thoth, oh and Nibiru. Roswell too, with those fancy little grey slime boogers" she added.

Mulder accepted with a grin. "Thanks, guys. Just what the doctor ordered." He winked at Scully, who rolled her eyes with a smile.

"If by doctor you mean a cardiologist, or possibly a paramedic" she retorted lightly.

"Hey, these donuts are safe, they've been magically infused with a witch's secret power of passion" said Mulder, glancing at Reyes.

"Relax Scully, he's after me now too, laugh a little" muttered Reyes.

"Oh, no worries. I can be really super light hearted and even very vivacious sometimes" said Scully.

"That's definitely true. Like this one time when we were playing indoor Polo, you gotta hear this, Reyes!" said

Mulder.

"Shut up Mulder, you and I were not playing indoor Polo" said Scully, interrupting.

"Scully, let me tell the story okay? Come on, cupcake, just this once" said Mulder.

Scully rolled her eyes and hesitantly agreed.

"Fine, just don't call me 'cupcake' again, Mulder. It was mini-golf, guys!" said Scully to her fellow FBI agents.

Mulder began speaking.

"So Scully had this huge interest in the sport of Polo," said Mulder. He was about

to continue but was cut off by Scully mid-sentence.

"I do not-nor have I ever had a huge interest in Polo, Mulder-any more than you have an interest in

my opinions" said Scully.

"Sorry Scully. Anyway, Scully and I have an indoor Polo set complete with a horse-anyway we were playing indoor Polo and Scully accidentally hit me in the face, not with the polo stick but with a scrambled egg that had inadvertantly fallen on the floor. Scully literally laughed

for the entire rest of the night, and we had to smoke chocolate cigars just to calm down" said

Mulder.

"Is that story true, Scully?" asked Reyes.

Scully, embarressed, nodded, then giggled nonchalantly to herself.

"It's-not just the game of Polo that does that to me. Just looking at a secret program's document sometimes just sends me overboard-the stuff I've seen that looks like rejected

plots for Hollywood sci-fi movies-the stuff Mulder takes seriously. Honetly I mean how does

Mulder know the government isn't just wasting money on some new department dedicated

to dropping clay muppet babies in deserts, crashing them, and saying they're UFO's in

order to cover up our own Earth technology? DUH!" said Scully, going crosseyed.

"Yeah, Mulder can be funny too" said Reyes.

"Tell me about it, there was that one time he was convinced I was just

his sister Samantha wearing a mask, he REALLY didn't wanna believe I was Samantha,

he tried to pull my head clean off" said Scully.

"Not true," muttered Mulder.

Laughter filled the air, momentarily lifting the weight of their grim investigations. Mulder took a big bite of a jelly donut, scattering sugar everywhere. Reyes chuckled, pointing at his face. "Mulder, you've got a little… everywhere."

Mulder wiped his face, grinning unabashedly. "Occupational hazard. So, what's the latest?"

Doggett handed Mulder a stack of files. "Recovered some of Benton's notes. Lots about Nibiru and some ancient prophecy hocus pocus gookey wookey Hondooky stuff."

Reyes chimed in, "And get this, we found a stash of craft beers in his office fridge. Benton was quite the connoisseur."

Mulder chuckled. "Maybe he needed a drink to cope with the mysteries. I can relate."

Scully raised an eyebrow. "Maybe we should all take a rose leaf out of his book. A beer after work?"

Doggett smirked. "As long as we don't start solving cases under the influence. I really don't wanna imagine Mulder chasing grey aliens while he's tipsy."

Reyes giggled. "'Scully, I swear it was a UFO… or maybe it was the Coors Lite'"

More laughter erupted, the camaraderie a brief respite from their intense work. Mulder leaned back, a playful glint in his eyes. "Alright, team. Let's solve this case and uncover the secrets of the universe."

Later...

The remote cabin was cloaked in darkness, illuminated only by a flickering fireplace. Wind mercileslly pummeled the innocent skies outside, rattling the windows and adding to the eerie atmosphere. Mulder, Scully, Doggett, and Reyes gathered around a table covered in Benton's cryptic notes and sketches.

Mulder studied the papers intently. "Benton led us here. If Nibiru is real, this is where we'll find the proof."

Scully scanned the dimly lit room, a chill running down her spine like lightening hitting a tree branch. "Or we'll find more questions. This place feels… off."

Doggett, near the window, nodded in agreement. "It's a little eeri in here.

Too calm for the whisky as the boys in blue say. You know, like the boys are about to bring the dogs home. Too close for comfort and pillows.

Like we're being watched."

A sudden knock on the door broke the silence. Everyone tensed, exchanging wary glances. Mulder motioned for them to stay back as he cautiously approached, gun ready. He opened the door to reveal an old man, fear etched deeply on his weathered face.

"You have to leave. They're coming," the old man whispered urgently.

Reyes stepped forward, confusion furrowing her brow. "Who's coming?"

Before the man could respond, he collapsed, revealing a fatal wound on his back. Scully rushed to his side, but it was too late. The wind outside picked up, howling louder, as if warning them of impending danger.

"We need to get out of here. Now," Mulder said urgently, gathering up the scattered papers.

As they hurried outside, the forest seemed to glow with an unnatural light. Strange symbols were etched into the trees, faintly pulsing in the darkness. Scully's unease deepened.

"What are these?" she whispered, barely audible over the wind.

Mulder's expression was grim. "A warning. We're not alone here."

A low, ominous rumbling filled the air, and the ground beneath them began to tremble. They looked up to see a massive, shadowy figure emerging from the trees, its eyes glowing with an otherworldly intensity.

"What the hell is that?" Reyes gasped, fear creeping into her voice.

"Run!" Doggett shouted, his voice urgent.

They sprinted towards their car, the shadowy figure hot on their heels with unearthly speed. Mulder fumbled with the keys, his hands shaking, before the engine roared to life. They peeled away, leaving the figure disappearing back into the darkness.

As they sped away, tension hung thick in the air. Scully broke the silence, her voice a mixture of fear and determination. "What was that thing?"

Mulder gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I don't know, but we're going to find out."

Scully shot him a sideways glance, her expression softening despite the fear. "Mulder, sometimes I wonder if you get us into these situations just to have me alone in the dark."

Mulder smirked, meeting her eyes briefly. "What can I say, Scully? The stars shine brighter when you're around."

Before Scully could respond, a figure suddenly materialized in the road ahead, bathed in an eerie, pulsating light. Mulder swerved sharply, narrowly avoiding a collision, and the car skidded to a stop.

The four agents stepped out, their breaths visible in the cold night air. The glowing figure stood motionless, its presence heavy with unspoken questions and ominous threat.

Meanwhile, in a remote cabin in the woods of Oregon:

"Gentlemen," he began in his smooth, measured tone, "our plans are progressing smoothly. The disappearance of Darin Peter Oswald will only add to the chaos we need to initiate Phase Two."

One of the henchmen shifted nervously, his eyes darting around the dimly lit room. "But sir, what about Benton? His death—"

The Cigarette Smoking Man cut him off with a wave of his hand. "Benton was a loose end. His research threatened to expose our true and harsh but benevolent intentions. We have fanciful and quite tidy ways of squelching risky and dangerous research. Now, with his demise, nothing stands in our way. And perhaps we can bring ourselves a new recruit"

As the henchmen nodded in silent agreement, the Cigarette Smoking Man turned back to the window, his gaze fixed on the distant horizon. "Prepare for the next phase. Truth and fiction are about to reverse their traditional roles"

With that ominous declaration hanging in the air, the scene dissolved into a chilling silence, leaving Mulder, Scully, and the audience to wonder just how deep the conspiracy truly went.

"Speak of the mother clucking deck dealing death defying devil, if ya'll aren't that chain smoking son of a bitch. You're a freak of nature, aren't ya? Smoking like-kills and stuff. Man, like I said if you is smokin' as much as I've heard tell you are from the birds then you is definitely one freak of nature" said Darin.
"Aren't we all? And aren't you one to speak? You can be of much use to me. Mr. Oswald, a freak of nature yourself with your... shocking abilities should know better than to fear mere smoke. With modern advancements, smoking is safe-for an elite privileged few of our caliber"
"Yeah, well, I've never been good with smoking—electrical or otherwise." replied Darin The cigarette man leaned forward, his eyes gleaming with intrigue. "Indeed, your electrifying presence has caused quite a stir. Tell me, Mr. Oswald, how does one escape from a top-security institution without raising a single alarm?"

"Yeah, well, let's just say I had a shocking revelation," replied Darin.

CSM chuckled softly. "As you can well imagine, our group could use some light hearted banter. Lightning strikes where it will, Mr. Oswald, and it seems fate has struck an interesting chord with us today."

"So, what now? Am I joining your league of extraordinary gentlemen? Am I gonna meet Sean Connery?" asked Darin "We are all pawns in a game of cosmic chess. Your move has simply added a new twist to the board." replied the Smoking Man.

"So, are you some kind of master manipulator? Forgive me I-I thought the devil went down to

Georgia not the woods of Oregon. Are you gonna help me or hinder me?"

"Fear not, Mr. Oswald. The world is full of mysteries, some shallow, some deep, and you, with your shocking talents, may yet illuminate the darkest corners of truth."

With that enigmatic declaration hanging in the air, the Cigarette Smoking Man disappeared into the shadows, leaving Darin to ponder the bizarre encounter and wonder if he had just stumbled into a conspiracy or a rejected SNL comedy routine.

To be continued...