Hello.
For those of you wondering about this fast update time, it's simple. We decided to write up the reactions to the first 2 episodes before posting. Meaning the first three chapters get posted all at once. That way it will be much more enjoyable.
We hope you all enjoy.
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"Talking"
'Thinking'
"Host talking"
'Host thinking'
Episode 1
KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
Some members of the audience chuckled. But there were also a few who got looks of embarrassment. And a few who unashamedly smirked at their history of piracy.
(Scene opens up showing mountains followed by showing many wildlife until a Saiyan Space Pod comes crashing down at a distance, startling many ostriches and a farmer.)
Issei and Irina giggled in excitement, recognizing the iconic scene.
FARMER: Oh, God, no! My marijuana patch! I mean, er... my carrot patch... yeah!
This got chuckles from some of the audience. Others tilted their heads in confusion, knowing very well this was not the original line. A sign perhaps of what CC was referring to.
FARMER: (thinking while driving towards the explosion) I better do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation: (pulls out a rifle) Get mah gun!
"Accurate" Azazel snorted.
(Space Pod opens up in a shiny light and Raynare emerges)
The sight of this woman made Issei one of the original members of the ORC spit take a bit.
"What the hell?!" The boy cried out.
"What's this bitch doing here!" Akeno cried out, getting nods from Rias and Koneko.
SPACE POD: Hello, and welcome to Earth... With open bar.
FARMER: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeho- Eh, no, it's an alien! Holy sh**, it's an alien!
RAYNARE: Finally on this dead plan- (notices teeming wildlife) Wait... What the crap? Did Kakarrot screw this up? Oh, God damn it, I knew we should've sent Turles.
"I-is she...is she Raditz in this world!" Issei cried out in realization.
FARMER: Better think of something cool to say to make him stop! (cocks shotgun while Raynare scans him with his scouter) Hey, you! (thinking to himself) Heh, genius farmer, genius!
"I think she is!" said Irina with a scowl seeing the Fallen that killed her Childhood friend.
"But why would this viewing have Raynare play the part of a character from this show?" Asked Asia, more than a little unnerved seeing the Fallen that killed her.
"Actually," CC spoke up getting everyone's attention. "It's not so much that she's playing the role per se. Rather, that is her character, so to speak." His words got looks of confusion from everyone else. "Just continue to watch and you'll see."
RAYNARE: Aw, look at him. He thinks he's people. What's your power level, little human? (checks his power level with scouter) Five, huh?
FARMER: Protect me, gun! (fires a shot at Raynare, who catches the bullet with his hand)
RAYNARE: Hey! No! Bad human! (flings the bullet back at the farmer, sending him flying at towards his truck and killing him)
FARMER: (extreme quickly while flying towards his truck) Gah, I voted for Bush!
There were a few chuckles from the audience with the farmer's dying words. Though others, notably older supernatural's, slightly winced as Raynare's words remind them of their attitude towards humans in the past.
RAYNARE: Bad! Now get back up and tell me you're sorry! Human? Huuuman? (sighs) So this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Appule...
(opening sequence; scene shifts to a wasteland, where Sirzechs is standing on top of a plateau)
"Me?" Sirzechs asked out loud. "What am I doing there?"
The locals examined the screen closely, taking note of the Wardrobe of the on-screen Sirzechs as well as the location.
"Wait," Issei spoke up. "You're Piccolo!"
"You're right!" Irina agreed in excitement. "This is where Piccolo was when Raditz landed!"
A collective sound of understanding went through the audience. All of a sudden, someone cried out, "OHH!" Turned out it was Rias.
"Now I get it!" He exclaimed. "While we are watching a world where the events of Dragon Ball happen, albeit a bit more silly, it's also a parallel version of our world! One with parallel or alternate versions of us living out different lives!"
"Ding ding." CC replied. "Got it in one. Here's your prize." A box materialized in Rias's hand. Inside was a novelty DBZ coffee mug.
"Damn it!" Azazel cursed. "How the hell did I not figure that out before her!"
"Because I am fiction savvy." Rias boasted with a smirk on her face, though her brother gave an embarrassed chuckle at her words.
SIRZECHS: Good ol' wasteland! Yep! Sure, is some kickass training!... Damn it, I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace. (opens up his MySpace page) No new comments... No friend requests... Damn it. Well at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.
Feeling some of the looks he was getting, Sirzechs spoke up. "Now, I have never been that lonely. Don't be getting ideas now."
"Don't worry father." Millicas spoke up. "I'll friend you on MySpace."
A collective "Aww." went through the audience, along with a few chuckles. Clearly the young boy did not know the current state of the site.
RAYNARE: Hey! You!
SIRZECHS: What the hell?
RAYNARE: Are you Kakarrot? Seriously if you are, stay still! I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet! It's really important! Oh, wait a second; you're not Kakarrot. My bad!
SIRZECHS: I've got green skin, pointy ears and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like SO MANY other people!
"This is a first." Kiba commented. "I've never known Lord Sirzechs to be so snarky like that."
"Well, if he's a more comedic version of Piccolo I get it." issei replied.
RAYNARE: Oh, a smartass, huh? I don't appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack: Double Sun-
(Screen suddenly turns monochrome and the scene pauses)
"Uh, what just happened?" Azazel spoke up.
"Just go with it." CC answered.
RAYNARE: (in a different voice) Now prepare yourself for my signature attack: Keep Your Eye on the Bir- (scouter beeps) Oooh! A higher power level!
"Are we just supposed to accept her voice changing like that?" Issei asked, recognizing one voice as the Yuuma voice while the other was the real Raynare voice.
"Yep." CC said.
"Well," Issei sighed. "At least we know she'll be dead soon.
(Raynare flies higher in the air and looks around)
SIRZECHS: (off-screen) Hey! What the hell?! Weren't you going to kill me?
"Such snark is unbecoming of you." Grayfia commented towards her husband, who was the only one to pick up on her teasing tone.
"Are you forgetting the time we met back during the war?" He shot back.
RAYNARE: Ah, there we go. Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarrot are- Dah, screw it, I'll just go and check!
(Raynare flies off)
SIRZECHS: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway! Right Tom?
(scene changes to Kame House with Sona's ship arriving and Sona walking towards the front door)
SONA: Hey, I'm here!
SAJI: BOOBS! I mean, Sona!... Hi!
Heads turned towards the Saji in the audience who started to sweat bullets, especially with the way his King was glaring at him through her glasses.
"To be fair." Issei spoke up in defense of his fellow Pawn. "This version definitely has bigger boobs." He said with a completely straight face. "And if I am understanding this right, she's this world's Bulma." He nodded in satisfaction. "Already had the smarts, the looks just needed an update."
He said all this, fully aware of the glares he was receiving. Which made Saji mentally sigh in relief as the stress was off him. This also allowed him to take another look at the screen, and specifically take in what his counterpart was wearing.
"Hold on...that's Kame house, and I'm wearing the orange Gi." He said out loud. This got everyone's attention, and they confirmed his words.
"Holy shit you're right!" Issei exclaimed.
"That must mean you're Krillin!" Irina exclaimed in agreement.
"Huh...mixed feelings." Saji said, knowing he was not going to be having the easiest of times.
"But then that means..." Vali spoke up at last, looking at the other character on screen.
SONA: Oooooooookaaaaaaaay, how's it going?
MASTER AZAZEL: I'm drinking OJ! (cup changes to brown) Now it's apple juice! (cup changes to orange) Now it's beer! Yay, beer! (chugs down beer)
There was a bit of silence in the audience, but before long everyone burst into laughter.
"Oh yeah." Vali snorted. "That's Azazel all right." Even the man himself was laughing at himself.
"That really is something I would say." the Fallen Angel laughed. "Probably a joke about western censorship or what not, but I'm on board with it. Plus, I still get to be the wise master." Everyone could hear the smirk in his voice. "In fact, this makes me Goku's teacher." He boasted, making the laughter die out as the older members of the audience pouted in jealousy.
SAJI: So where's Motohama?
"Why would you be asking about that person?" Sona asked out loud, making Saji shrug next to her.
SONA: I think the bastard's cheating on me!
"WHAT!" All the Kuoh students shouted. Except for Sona and Saji who were absolutely frozen in shock.
SAJI: Why do you say that?
(flashback of Sona walking in on Motohama)
MOTOHAMA: (appears as a silhouette) Sona! It's not what it looks li- oh okay, it's totally what it looks like. Can I still live here? Please? Before this I was living in the desert. Oh, and did you change Puar's litterbox yet?
PUAR: (appears as a silhouette) I made boom-boom!
(back to present)
The silence was so deafening you could hear a pin drop from the next country over. And for a very good reason. Absolutely NO ONE was prepared for what they saw, ESPECIALLY Sona and Saji.
Sona was frozen, unable to say a word as her brain tried to process what she had just witnessed.
Saji on the other hand was on a rage fueled triad against the shaven headed pervert that wasn't only dating Sona but also cheated on her. And Serafall wasn't doing any better given how Sirzechs was trying to keep her from freezing the whole theater over.
The sound of growing laughter, however, got everyone's attention. They turned their heads to see it was Issei and Irina. The childhood friends had tried to hide but they were laughing very hard.
"And what is so funny about this you assholes!" Saji roared while Serafall narrowed her eyes at them.
"Don't you realize who he's taking place of?" Issei asked between laughs.
"He-" Irina could barely hold on. "He's Yamcha!"
"So? What's that have to do with anything?" Said Serafall maintaining her glare.
A collective sound of "Ohhh" in realization went through the audience that knew what this meant. And Saji himself started cackling.
"It means that bastard is going to get what's coming to him and then some!"
SAJI: Oh, are you serious? Motohama? Oh, that is so out of char- so you're single then?
Saji nodded in agreement at his counterpart's words seeing it as a very important question, despite knowing how relationships play out in the original series.
(Issei jumps off Nimbus walks towards the front door)
ISSEI: Hey guys!
Once again silence reigned supreme in the Theater. Only to be replaced by a single excited shout of "YESSSS!" from Issei loud enough to make everyone else jump.
"I'M GOKU! I'M FREAKIN GOKU!" Issei yelled out, jumping out of his seat while doing what could be described as an impromptu victory dance. He was jumping up and down so much, he started flying with his dragon wings out. There were smiles and laughter from others, but it was all drowned out by the Red Dragon Emperor's cheers of joy.
It took quite a while for him to calm down and catch his breath, realize everyone was looking at him, and then float down with an embarrassed look on his face. He did get a lot of head pats from his girls, both comforting him in his embarrassment while also congratulating him like he had gotten a leading role on Broadway, which was not far off. Meanwhile, Vali had a bit of a smirk on his face.
"If Issei Hyoudou is Son Goku, that could only mean..." he grinned in anticipation while also ignoring the pouts of his teammate Bikuou, the actual descendent of Wukong.
(Sona opens the door with Saji running up after her)
SONA: Issei!
SAJI: TAIL- eh, wait, what?
(Issei laughs and holds up his arm, in his other arm, there is a small toddler with crimson hair and a tail clinging onto Issei)
A gasp of shock ran through the audience.
"Isn't that-?" Grayfia said in disbelief.
SONA: Uh, Issei? I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.
SAJI: Issei, just because we picked YOU up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.
ISSEI: Erm, okay. (places Millicas on the ground) This is actually my son.
Another gasp went through the audience.
"Wow!" The Millicas in the audience exclaimed. "Uncle Issei is my father here! That's amazing! But who's my mother?" Before anyone could say anything, a loud cough came from Akeno, grabbing everyone's attention.
"We really won't know until the film tells us." She stated in a very pointed manner. At the same time, she was giving a powerful glare towards Rias, who had a very prominent smirk on her face, and was sitting up a bit straighter than before, clearly confident about something.
(Saji, Sona and Master Azazel are shocked along with the head of M. Night Shyamalan popping up)
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: What a twist!
"Fucking hack." Azazel snorted seeing the face of the famous director.
SONA: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally, you know.
ISSEI: Know what?
MASTER AZAZEL: (appearing right next to Issei) You know, "Bow chicka wow wow."
ISSEI: (completely oblivious) What are those noises you're making?
"Huh..." Issei spoke up. "Is it just me or am I a bit..." he left his words unfinished.
"Lacking in more brain than usual?" Koneko piped up. "Yes, you are."
SONA, MASTER AZAZEL: (thinking simultaneously) Oh, my God, he's a parent!
SAJI: So when's the little guy gonna start training?
(Millicas is seen playing with Turtle)
ISSEI: Actually, Rias is making him study.
Upon confirmation who Millicas's mother was, the collective audience turned to see the reactions of the females of the Gremory Peerage. Needless to say, what they saw was exactly what they expected. All the girls, save for Rias of course, were in various states of shock as they looked like their souls had just left their bodies. Defeat was not a word that would best describe the looks they had... "CRUSHED" Was a much more appropriate word.
Rias on the other hand had a look of triumph, as if she had finally been given a prize, she had been striving her whole life to win. She cast a smile on the stunned Akeno and the other girls.
"Don't be so upset ladies, it was obviously going to be me given Millicas's Crimson hair" she said brushing her hair to show it off. But from the tone of her voice, some could tell she was barely holding back from shouting her victory to all.
meanwhile, himself, meanwhile, was fantasizing about the married life this version had with Rias. Mainly the part where they conceived Millicas.
Before anything else could be said, a loud clap disrupted everyone's thoughts and brought their attention back to CC.
"I think it's about time we returned to our program." He smiled, getting nods from everyone as they settled back in to watch more.
ISSEI: She wants him to grow up and be... what's it called?
SAJI: A productive and responsible member of society?
ISSEI: Yeah- lame, that's it! (to Millicas) Hey, son, come here! (Millicas runs towards Issei) Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things...
"Aww." Millicas pouted. "I still have to study."
"Glad to see Rias is working to raise you the right way." Grayfia nodded while hiding her mixed feelings about her precious son not being her son in another world.
SONA: Hey, is that a DragonBall on his head? Doesn't that sorta make him a target for villains who might want them?
ISSEI: Aw, come on. I beat Sirzechs. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who- (senses a disturbance) holy black on a Popo, what is that?!
Laughter ran through the audience. Azazel himself considered making a comment but decided it would be too easy a joke.
MASTER AZAZEL: What's wrong?
ISSEI: I just felt a power level bigger than... than... Saji's losing streak!
"Hey!" Saji cried out. "I don't have a losing streak!"
SAJI: (off-screen) ...You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy...
ISSEI: (thinks) He's getting closer!
SAJI: Shouldn't we grab Millicas and put him insi- (Raynare flies down in front of the group) Oh, son of a...
"And here we go." Issei grinned, eagerly feasting on his concessions as the plot was ramping up.
RAYNARE: It took me a while to get here, but I finally found you, Kakarrot.
ISSEI: ...What?
RAYNARE: That's right, that's your name.
ISSEI: ...What?
RAYNARE: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet!
ISSEI: ...What?
RAYNARE: Yooouuu... hit your head as a child, didn't you?
(flashback of Issei banging his head as a baby)
ISSEI: ...What?
"That explains a lot." Koneko snarked.
"Hey." Issei pouted a bit. "That's actually what happened in the show. It's not that bad, but still."
RAYNARE: Oh, for God's sakes, listen! (display montage of Issei's Space Pod travelling to Earth and a group of Saiyans) You were sent here as a child to take over the planet. Your part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the Saiyans. And to top off this expositional onslaught; I... am your sister!
(Shows the shocked faces of Issei, Sona, Saji, and Master Azazel. A crab falls off a tree in total surprise)
The members of the audience not as familiar with the source material gasped in shock. Meanwhile, Issei himself was thinking for a bit.
"Eh, could be worse." He decided.
SAJI: So, you're his sister, huh? (walks up towards Raynare) Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in lots of future events, right? Right?
(Raynare hits Saji with his tail, sending him flying straight into Kame House)
(Saji Owned Count: 1)
"Oh, come on!" Saji cried out loud. "Is this going to be a thing!"
"Fraid so." CC spoke up, getting chuckles from everyone. Saji moped a bit, only to perk up as Sona patted him on the head for comfort.
SAJI: What did I say?
ISSEI: Hey! Stop hitting Saji!
RAYNARE: Why?
ISSEI: Because you're breaking Kame House!
SAJI: (offscreen, weakly) Yeah... Stop breaking Kame House...
Saji turned to Issei.
"Glad to know where your priorities are." He said sarcastically.
"No problem." Issei snarked.
ISSEI: So, what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?
RAYNARE: The... the dragon's what?
ISSEI: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want- like immortality?
A collective groan went through the audience. Issei sunk into his chair a bit in embarrassment, while Saji preened at Issei being the one humiliated right now.
OOLONG: Or Sona's panties!
"Excuse me!" Sona cried out.
"I will fry that pig!" Serafall declared. "Sona's panties belong to me!"
"To be fair." Issei spoke up. "That was the first wish they ever made, but only because they needed to stop Pilaf."
"Not helping." Rossweisse said.
(cuts to Vali and Riser on an unknown planet)
"I knew it." Vali smirked. "If Issei Hyoudou is Goku, then I must be Vegeta! His eternal rival!"
"Greaaaat." Issei sighed. "So, you're always going to be on my ass in every universe we exist in?"
"How do you know you're not Nappa." Bikou chortled.
"Never gonna happen." Vali glared at him.
RISER: Vali, did you hear that?
VALI: Oh, yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish!
RISER: Yeah, we're gonna get panties! ...I mean, immortality. Immortality is what I meant, right, Vali?
There was silence once again. The shock at Riser being so openly perverted just like Issei's human friends was...jarring to say the least.
"I think it's safe to say that's probably Nappa." Rias commented.
"Actually," Issei smirked. "Considering Vali's tastes, I could see him saying something like that in a world like this." His comment made the silver haired youth glare back at him.
"Oh, so you'd prefer to have that blondie peacock as your rival?" He shot back, making Issei consider his words.
"Damn. I lose either way."
VALI: ...Just get in the damn pod!
(cuts back to Kame House. Raynare walks towards Kame House while Sona picks up Millicas and moves away.)
RAYNARE: No... I'm here for you, Kakarrot.
ISSEI: So, what are we gonna do? See a ballgame? Catch a movie?
RAYNARE: We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet. (scene shows a planet flashing and then exploding)
"You mean definitely destroyed." Issei commented.
ISSEI: Oh. Well, uh, I sorta like people here, so with all due respect- (Raynare knees Issei in the stomach, sending him flying and screaming as he comes crashing down into the ground)
MILLICAS: (runs towards Issei) Daddy!
RAYNARE: (walks up and grabs Millicas) I'll be taking this! Yoink! (flies away holding Millicas in his arm)
"Huh, I kind of prefer this relationship I have with Raynare." Issei commented out loud.
ISSEI: (weakly) Quick! Somebody stop him! (crickets chirp in silence) Damn it, Saji!
SAJI: Hey! I was bitch-slapped through a house! What's your excuse?
ISSEI: I was kneed in the stomach!
(Saji gasps and looks into the sky)
SIRZECHS: You guys are pathetic! (Issei gasps while everyone looks at the sky and stares at Sirzechs) ...What?
"Wow. Talk about timing." Sirzechs commented. "I show up too late to save my son."
"Technically not your son." Grayfia pointed out.
(Sirzechs lands in front of the group)
ISSEI: Aw, Jeez... Hey, look, I know you totally wanna kill me and all, but today's kind of a bad day. My brother just showed up, turns out I'm an alien, he stole my kid!
SIRZECHS: Oh, yeah; I was watching that! That was priceless! (Sirzechs starts laughing while Saji and Master Azazel stare at him in disbelief) ...Sorry for your loss.
"Seems you were just watching." Michael pointed out, making the current Lucifer sink into his seat in embarrassment.
ISSEI: Yeah. Anyway, wanna help me get him back?
SIRZECHS: Whyyyyy?
ISSEI: I'll friend you on MySpace!
(Sirzechs stares blanky at Issei and then the scene suddenly shifts to Issei and Sirzechs flying towards Raynare)
SIRZECHS: (in his thoughts) Tom, you've been replaced!
"You really are lonely aren't you father?" Millicas said in a comforting tone which actually ended up wounding his father even more.
(ending sequence)
[STINGER]
(Master Azazel is seen holding a Crunch bar)
MASTER AZAZEL: Now it's a Nestlé Crunch bar! (Crunch bar turns into a gummi bear) Now it's a gummi bear! (gummi bear turns into Riser's head) Now it's Riser!
RISER: Wait, what the hell?
Azazel grinned. "Nice."
"Sooooo." CC spoke up as the screen went blank. "You got the idea now?"
"Heck yeah!" Issei cheered. "And we need to see more. Like, right now!"
CC grinned, bowed, and the projector started up again.
Many thanks once again to my friend who is writing this with me. It is largely thanks to them that I am able to do this for a number of reasons. Anway, get ready, because episode 2 is coming right up!
That's it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!