Disclaimer:

All of it belongs to Mrs. J.K.! We only let her puppets dance to our tunes… I can't dance for shit and can't keep a tune to save my life… that doesn't stop me from trying though.

Previous:

Tracey singsonged, "~Hermione is in trouble~"

6 Wingardium Levi-OH-saah!

I shrugged, "Meh, if I get expelled, there are a lot of other Magic schools in the World. My parents paid Hogwarts to teach me, not to put me to sleep. If it is, then I want a refund. Let's calculate it, we have seven courses, eight if we calculate Broom flying, one of them is useless, what I heard for the upper years so is Potions and the brooms of our flying class are death traps. So three out of eight courses are not up to standard, that is 37.5% of my parent's money down the drain."

Harry gave me a one-arm hug, "It is nothing Hermione can't handle. She cut down bigger trees than that."

Hmm? That gave me a warm feeling inside, maybe I am catching a fever.

Xxxxx

At Lunch, the whole school knew I killed Bins, some were happy, some mad that I cut their nap time away, most didn't care either way. Flitwick came to our table, "Miss Granger, The Headmaster wants to speak with you after lunch, Miss Clearwater will lead you to his office."

I nodded, "Sure, Professor, Flitwick, did he tell you what it is about? I am hardly one day in this school."

Flitwick shook his head, "He did not inform me, but I guess that it is about Professor Bins."

I looked at Flitwick, "Sir, I don't need a commendation or a reward for guiding that poor Ghost to the Afterlife. An act of Mercy doesn't need a reward, freeing that poor Soul is reward enough for me."

Flitwick blushed, "I doubt it is about rewarding, Miss Granger, the opposite I am afraid."

I looked thoughtfully at Flitwick, "The Rules say that any disciplinary meeting with the Headmaster is to be in the presence of my head of House and my Magical Guardian. Did you contact Lord Black, Sir? Also, Miss Clearwater does not have to guide me when you are with me."

Flitwick froze up, embarrassed, he said, "I did not contact Lord Black, Miss Granger, unfortunately, I have a class right after Lunch and can not be present."

I smiled sweetly, "Then the headmaster has to reschedule the meeting until after Dinner, sir. Now that he can focus on one job, he will have enough free time after dinner. You don't have to call, Lord Black, Harry will do that for you instead… Sir."

Harry commented, "Hermione memorized the rule book, sir. She can even tell you on what page you can find that rule."

"Page 45 in the 1687 edition, page 34 in the 1857 edition, both to be found in the Black Library. Lord Black didn't allow me to read the original from the founders, he said it was too fragile to let little girls get her greedy paws on. I resent that by the way."

Harry chuckled, "He was afraid you would not give it back to him, Hermione. You have to admit that when it comes to books you do have greedy paws."

When I glared at him, he back paddled, "And lovely paws they are, endearing paws, adorable paws if I have to judge them, Nothing can top them!"

Daphne's coughed, "Whipped!" or Tracey's "Katchaa!" did not bother him, "I know what battles to pick and which ones to avoid Daphne and Tracey, never come between a book and Hermione."

I rolled my eyes, "Stop being a comedian and contact Lord Black. Maybe ask him to bring a Solicitor, I heard the Headmaster has a way with words." I turned to Flitwick and said, "I'll come with you tonight right after dinner, Professor, Flitwick. My Magical Guardian will be present."

Xxxxx

Ah! Potions right after lunch, in a way that is good, that would not spoil our appetite for lunch… but it does for dinner! If you saw the list of ingredients you would agree, I will only take a potion at gunpoint, no matter what that potion can do, when you know what is in it, you would throw up just smelling at it.

When Penny guided us to the dungeon, I said to Harry, "Drought of the Living Death, the Stomach of a mountain Goat gives the best ones, and they are the same also called Aconite."

Harry looked sideways at me, "Are you feeling alright, Hermione? What are you babbling about?"

I grinned, "You can also say that Asphodel and Wormswood in the language of flowers say that they are feeling guilty for causing a person's death."

Harry shook his head, 'You are not making any sense, Hermione, you spent too much time with Luna. It shows."

I shrugged, "I am trying the Trelawney way, Harry. You will know soon enough."

Potion class was with the Puffs, we gathered before the door, Zachariah bloody Smith asked, "Are you going to kill this one too? Miss Granger?"

I glared at him, "Don't tempt me boy!" when he paled and took a few steps back, I commented, "I don't take requests, you have to kill him yourself."

The door swung open and a cold voice said, "Get inside!"

We all went inside and took a free spot at a workbench, Harry next to me, Daphne and Tracey in front of us, Neville and Hannah behind us, I suspect that Susan is pushing Hannah and Neville together, a bit premature or romantic? It depends on your point of view I suppose.

When Snape did his roll call, he paused at my name, "Miss Granger, the Bane of Ghosts. You will find me pretty much alive, Miss Granger, I doubt you can banish me."

I shrugged, "I did not protest against a Ghost, Professor, I protest against incompetent teachers that are hampering my education."

"Then points from Ravenclaw for your cheek, Miss Granger. You will find I don't keep favorites and I too have no patience for incompetent students and dunderheads."

I kept my mouth shut, as a Mudblood he has no problem kicking me out of Hogwarts, I am not the Chosen One. He is a bloody hypocrite though, the whole Slytherin House are his favorites.

Snape's role call came to Harry, "Harry Potter, our Celebrity, don't expect any favors from me Potter, I don't care how much the Wizarding world is worshiping you."

It seems Harry was annoyed by Snape's remarks at me, "I don't want favors from anyone, Sir. All I want is a competent Teacher who knows how to do his job."

"Ten Points from Ravenclaw for your disrespect, Potter. The fame must have gone to your head already," said Snape with a gleam in his eyes.

After his speech about brewing life and death in his Cauldron, he called out, "Potter! What do you get when you add the powdered root of Asphodel with an infusion of Wormwood?"

I raised my hand, I know this one!" I played the enthusiastic bookworm that knows all the answers… because I KNOW ALL the Answers! Yes! I am that smart! Eidetic Memory and a search engine in my mind Google would be jealous of.

The light went up in Harry's mind when he recalled my words from ten minutes ago, "Drought of the Living Dead, Sir."

The bat was surprised, but recovered quickly, "Where do I find a bezoar, Potter?"

Now I wished my arm was a foot longer, I showed my biggest smile to let him know I got the right answer, it is all in the facial expressions, you know, they can see it on your face if you are guessing or not. I know all the answers though. I seldom guess.

Harry trusted me and answered, "The best ones are from the stomachs of mountain goats, Sir."

Snape looked like he sucked on a lemon, the yellow egg-shaped sour kind of Lemon, not the Fan Fiction fun one.

He tried again, "Hmm… What is the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane, Potter?"

Me Me! Memememememe! ASK ME! I was standing on my feet with my arm raised, I know it is a silly thing to do but I am making a point here.

Harry answered, "They are the same plant, Sir, also called Aconite, but why don't you let Miss Granger answer some of your questions? I am sure she has all the Answers to your Questions, she is scary smart, you know."

"Sit Down!" barked that rude man, "Well? Why aren't you writing this down?"

I raised my hand again and answered, "Because you did not say those answers are correct, Sir"

Snape turned his head and growled, "Ten Points from Ravenclaw! Who allowed you to answer, Silly Girl?"

Confused, I said, "You did sir, you asked why we did not write it down, and I answered."

"Ten points from Ravenclaw for your disrespect!" bit the dungeon bat at me.

He turned to the front and with a wave of his wand, the recipe for curing boils appeared on the blackboard. "The Recipe is on the Board, you have one hour."

I raised my hand, "Sir, you know there are Normals here that never even heard about potions or a Cauldron, let alone how to prepare the ingredients, can you explain it a bit more please?"

Snape bit at me, "Then they should have opened their book when they had the time."

I nodded, "Aye, then we don't need you here, is that what you are saying, Sir? Even a squib can write a recipe on a Blackboard."

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw for your disrespect and detention tonight, Miss Granger." growled Snape, "it is not my fault if you come to your class unprepared."

I raised my hand again, "If we know everything in advance, is there a point coming to this class, Sir?"

Harry came to my aid, "Miss Granger has a point, Professor, I would appreciate some more information about brewing and preparing the ingredients, or is it like cooking, throw the ingredients in a pot and stir until it boils? Not all of us are from Wizarding homes, you know."

"Thirty points from Ravenclaw and detention for the rest of the week!" fumed Snape, "no small child will tell me how to teach my class!"

I shrugged and went to the cupboard to fetch the ingredients, Harry was right behind me, he softly commented, "Too bad he isn't a Ghost, this one could use a one-way trip to the afterlife too."

Everyone in a radius of six feet started giggling, Snape barked, "Thirty points from Ravenclaw for laughing in class!"

Xxxxx

We were a hundred forty points down when the class was over, we brewed a decent cure for Boils, not perfect, but decent. When Snape dropped my vial, I presented him with a second one, "It has unbreakably spelled on this one, Sir. Everyone can be clumsy sometimes."

"Thirty points from Ravenclaw and detention for the rest of the week for your disrespect!" was his reaction. True, I did disrespect him after all, but come on! How can you respect that kind of asshole? We are one hundred seventy points down on the first day, I took the most of them, a hundred twenty of them.

I shrugged and said to Harry, "At least they can't say I am the teacher's pet anymore."

Harry scratched me behind my ears, "You would be my pretty pussy, you know?"

I glared at Harry, "I will be calling Sirius and tell him to give you the Talk, Potter! Or you can polish your wand for the rest of your short life!"

Harry was stumped, I heard him ask when I walked away, "Can someone explain what I said wrong?"

I stopped and ran back when Tracey eagerly said, "I can! You see when you said she has a pretty pussy..."

"No you won't explain, Davis!" I protested, "Keep your dirty romance novels out of Harry's mind."

We kept on bickering until it was time for dinner, a lot of Claws were protesting about the loss of house points, Cindy Turpin, the Head Girl of this year came to talk to us, "We did ask you to keep your heads down in your potion class, why didn't you do so?"

I tried to be cheeky, "We can't read the Blackboard with our heads down, Miss Turpin, we just asked for a bit more explanation about how to prepare the ingredients, that is not too much to ask for is it?"

Turpin shook her head, "You can't ask questions in Snape's class, Miss Granger. That will only cost you House points."

I looked at Harry, "You know Harry, Oxford or Cambridge are more and more appealing to me now. I can not ask questions to a teacher? Do I have to answer those questions myself? Why are we paying that Baboon? I am going to ask for a refund!"

Xxxxx

When dinner was almost done, Sirius came into the Great Hall, he saw Harry and sat down next to him, "What did you do, Harry? Ravenclaw is in the negative, that never happened, well, not to Ravenclaw."

Harry pointed at me, "She did it!"

"You took fifty points too, Mr. Tattle mouth!" I snapped back, "Besides, Snape can be glad he isn't a Ghost, or he would be in the Afterlife too."

"That bad?" sighed Sirius, "I heard he is a bad teacher, but this bad?"

I nodded, "If it was on me, I would not let him cook soup in a homeless shelter."

Sirius chuckled, "I have to remember that one. What's for dessert? Ah, Pudding, Luna's and Pandora's favorite."

While we ate our dessert, we explained everything to Sirius, I ended with, "I am planning to hire a Tutor for Potions, I can easily afford it and even a donkey in class can do a better job than Snape. Page 87 in the 1687 edition, page 64 in the 1857 edition, both to be found in your Library. Each student who feels that his education is not satisfactory to his or her standards is allowed to hire private Tutors. The Staff has to appoint a proper Classroom. That is what the Rule book said, word for word."

Sirius sighed, "Maybe it is best if I do the talking… Merlin! I never thought I would be the Serious one."

Xxxxx

M&Ms made the Gargoyle step aside, with Sirius right behind me and Flitwick in front, I think we can manage. In Dumbledore's office, I spotted the old man, he sat on his throne and Snape stood glaring aside like a proper drone.

When everyone was inside, Dumbledore said, "Thank you for bringing them, Filius, you can go now."

When Flitwick turned to leave, Sirius said, "Where are you going, Professor Flitwick? Are you abandoning your duties? Dumbledore, if someone has to go it will be Snape, he has no business with my ward, last I checked she is in House Ravenclaw, not Slytherin."

"Sirius, my boy…" was as far as Dumbledore got, "That boy grew up in Azkaban, Dumbledore, where you let me rot for ten years. It is Lord Black to you. Remove that Death Eater from my sight." was Sirius's response.

Flitwick came to his senses, "Lord Black has a point, Albus, if someone beside us should be here it would be Minerva, not Severus."

Dumbledore shook his head, "Professor Snape had some complaints about Miss Granger's behavior and her disrespect for him. That can not go unpunished I am afraid."

Sirius asked, "A hundred twenty points and a week of detention is not enough, Dumbledore? I remember Nott got less when he got caught raping Melissa Stradford when I attended Hogwarts! Are you getting senile, Dumbledore? Not to forget he got caught three weeks later doing the same! Get your priorities straight, Dumbledore. Punishing the innocent and letting the criminals go are the actions of a Dark Lord, Dumbledore!"

Dumbledore tried to calm the mood, "Those were different times, Sirius…" "IT IS LORD BLACK TO YOU! No matter what excuse you come up with is good enough, Dumbledore. Now, why did you feel the need to call my Ward to your office? Come on, I don't have all day, I am a busy man."

Sirius is not happy with Dumbledore, not after I did twenty questions and forty answers with him about his time in the Order and his stay in Azkaban. It was easy to point out the manipulations from the old man, and Sirius was not a happy bloke when he heard the answers. I still have it.

Dumbledore came to the point, "This morning, Miss Granger forced Professor Bins to move On…"

"I know," interrupted, Sirius, "She also said she does not want a reward for that, so congratulate her and we move to the next topic. Or do you think helping a Ghost move On to the Afterlife should be punished? Do you want that poor Ghost to continue to suffer in our world? Are you that cruel? Maybe you are not fit to be a Headmaster anymore, you are slipping, Dumbledore."

I made a small comment, "I did it for the Greater Good of the Students."

Dumbledore's face froze and lost his grandfatherly expression for a few seconds, "What can a child know what the Greater Good is for the students, don't meddle with things you do not understand, Miss Granger."

Sirius chuckled, "Oh, Dumbledore, did you know that she completed her higher education with the Muggles? You can say that she completed her muggle NEWTS with the highest score in a decade in Britain. She is smarter than you."

Dumbledore coolly said, "I had the highest score of the century in Britain, Lord Black. I doubt she is smarter than me."

I commented, "You are the smartest of a population of less than a hundred thousand, Headmaster, I am the smartest of a population of fifty-five Million people. Are you still thinking you are smart, Headmaster?"

Sirius came to the point, "My ward, convinced Bins to move On to the Afterlife when she pointed out that he was not teaching but sabotaging his students. Something you know from the day he came back as a Ghost."

Sirus got serious, "The next topic is potions, my Ward graded the teacher subpar and wants to hire a Tutor to get the level of education she is used to having in the Muggle world. That is her right according to the Rulebook, I will carry the cost for the Tutor and supplies for every student who wants to make use of that Tutor. McGonagall has to appoint a proper classroom for that Tutor."

Sirius glared at Dumbledore, "Do not fight me on this, Dumbledore, or I will redraw both and enroll them in Ilvermorny or Beaubatons."

Dumbledore frowned, "I assure you that Professor Snape is highly qualified, Lord Black, he has my complete trust."

Sirius shook his head, "I can not trust your judgment, Dumbledore, you let me rot in Azkaban and hired a Death Eater to teach children. To me, you are insane or a Dark Lord. Don't think I forgot the Hell you put Harry through, those are not the actions of a good man, Dumbledore. I am inclined to mark you a Dark Lord."

Dumbledore sighed, "What I did and what I do is for the Greater Good of the Wizarding World, Lord Black. I have my reasons."

Sirius's eyes flamed, "Torturing Harry is for your Greater Good? I read the Reports, Dumbledore! Harry was close to becoming an Obscuros! Or was this all about robbing his vaults? Are you a common thief?"

Sirius turned to Flitwick, "Professor Flitwick, My Godson Harry Potter, and Ward Hermione Granger are not allowed to be in the same room as Dumbledore and Snape without my presence and yours. I will contact you when I hire a Tutor, inform McGonagall of this."

With the doorknob in his hand, Sirius made his last statement, "I will take my place on the board of Governors, so will a representative of House Potter. I suggest finding a new potion professor if he keeps his attitude. Come, Hermione, we have some things to discuss."

Xxxxx

Sirius checked me for listening charms and removed them. Cursing, he removed one from him too after he ranted for a minute about old bastards that should have died twenty years ago.

Sirius pulled me into an empty classroom, when he wanted to say something I interrupted, "Silence the paintings and is there an elf here?"

I learned that from Gramps Fan Fiction, Dumbledore has spies everywhere, he turned out to be a control freak, with a finger in every dish.

When an Elf showed his face, Sirius said, "Elf, this is House Business, as in the Rules, we require privacy. Tell that to Dumbledore."

"Botty will do," said the elf when it popped away.

Sirius sighed, "Keep me posted, Hermione, I need to know everything that is happening here. Don't let anyone bully you, not even Dumbledore."

I smiled, "Don't worry, I will keep Harry safe, Lord Black. He needs to have The Talk, though. Telling me I am his pretty pussy is not to be said in public."

Sirius groaned, "I thought I had another year to prepare. Can't you do it in my stead?"

I shook my head, "No way! I had to live through three of them at home, you are on your own, Lord Black."

Xxxxx

Back in our Common room, I made an announcement, "Lord Black is going to hire a Potion Tutor for Harry and me. Everyone who wants is welcome to join his or her class. All years are welcome, even the Newt students who dropped Potions because of Snape! Register your name and year on parchment at the info board so we will know how many students will be in her class."

I added, "Students from other Houses are welcome too, that will send a message to the Headmaster, if he is too blind to see Snape is not a teacher he will see for himself who will attend his pet's class."

All students stormed to the info board to register, Head Girl Turpin commented, "You are forgiven for losing all those House points, some of your friends explained what happened."

I shrugged, "The moment Snape opened his mouth I realized we will never win that cup, ever, so why am I going to bother over it?"

Xxxxx

I started to study my muggle courses, I calculated that I had a lot of free time to do that the first two years. An average day is seven hours, with an hour lunch break, so six hours of class work, thirty hours a week. A professor has seven years to cover, the first five years are split, so that makes twelve classes to teach. Twenty-four hours, giving the OWL and NEWT Classes two hours extra makes a solid thirty hours to teach.

Now, us firsties have seven courses and a broom class, which is sixteen hours, the rest is free time. I wonder why I don't home-school this, I already know everything for the first two years… I'll get bored! Worse! I am still too young to visit broom closets. Harry better hurry up or I'll get mad here.

Some of the seventh years came to see what I was studying, when they saw my notes and course books they silently left my room. Hah! Take that bitches! I rule!

Xxxxx

News of the Potion Tutor spread through Hogwarts like Fiendfyre, all the Griffindors and Hufflepuffs signed up, even several Slytherins that wanted a future as healers or Aurors.

At breakfast, a Hufflepuff with Pink hair grabbed me in a bear hug, "My savior! If you were a boy I could shag you! I waited years to get rid of that greasy bat! Finally, I can focus on my other courses! I love you!"

I pinched her butt, "Lose the grip, Miss, I don't swing that way, I am not into older women."

The lady in pink froze up and took a moment, "Did you just say I am old? Are you that tired of living?"

Harry came to my aid, "Relax, Nimmy, let her breathe some air. Hermione, meet Nimmy, ouch! Tonks! Meet Tonks! I wrote you about her. She is a Metamorphmagus, Sirius is her second? Third our fourth cousin, it is complicated. She is a bit touchy about her name."

Nimmy let me go and observed my face, "So you are the Smarty-Pants that helped Harry break free? That needs a reward, what can I do for you, Smarty-Pants?"

"Drop the Smarty-Pants or I will call you Nymphadora." was my answer, "I don't need a shag either, maybe a sparring partner?"

Nimmy chuckled, "This is your second day here, what spell are you going to use to attack me? A Lumos? A Wingardium Levi-OH-Saa?"