Chapter 6
"Ms... Mihaela McNuexistă?" a security offcer at Leonardo da Vinci–Rome Fiumicino Airport said to a smartly dressed young girl with long black hair and flat bangs as well as curiously red eyes.
"That's me!" Alucard said, disguised in his 'girlycard' form.
"Purpose of visit?" The officer said
"Religious pilgrimage." Alucard said, snickering.
"And you, sir?" The officer asked Harry.
"Alexandru McNuexistă, Taking my daughter to see the sights." Harry said in a ridiculously bad fake Romanian accent. Alucard glared at him.
"Your accent is interesting..." The officer said, giving him a sidelong glance.
"I'm from rural Wallahcia, Bleh, bluh bleh." Harry said. A little bit of wandless magic lowered the red flags waving furiously in the officer's mind. He grinned when he saw Alucard trying to glare a hole in him.
"Well everything checks out. Welcome to Rome." The officer said, handing their paperwork back.
"Thank you. Say thank you, Mihaela." Harry said.
"Thank you..." Alucard growled through gritted teeth. They calmly walked out of the airport and a few blocks away before Harry bolted, laughing his ass off while running from what looked like a fourteen year old girl.
"I don't say bleh buh bleh!" Alucard yelled, not bothering to mask his true voice.
"I just recorded that!" Harry shouted, ducking into a metro station. Alucard roared inarticulately. Five minutes later they were sitting on a train. Harry was smiling, despite the black eye, and Alucard's arms were folded while he glowered. He had returned to his normal form in the bathroom at the station while Harry bought tickets.
"Why are we even here anyway?" Alucard asked.
"We're here because you lost a bet. Also he wanted me to visit." Harry said.
"Why didn't you bring your big blonde papist friend?" Alucard asked.
"I don't think you and he being this close to the Vatican together is a good idea." Harry said.
"And why was it that flew in a plane instead of apparating?" Alucard asked. Harry shrugged.
"I had frequent flier miles." Harry said. They got off their stop and made their way back out into the city, meeting up with their contact who guided them towards St. Peter's Basilica. They were seated in a room and asked to wait.
"Interesting..." Harry observed.
"What?" Alucard asked.
"Half expected you to burst into flames." Harry said grinning. Alucard laughed.
"I was curious about that myself." Alucard said. The door opened and Harry stood, dragging Alucard to his feet when he initially remained seated, the pope was guided into the room along with several Swiss Guards.
"Your eminence..." Harry said, kissing the Pope's ring.
"'Suuuup?" Alucard said, ignoring Harry stomping on his foot.
"The infamous Alucard I presume?" The Pope said. Harry nudged him and he rolled his eyes.
"Vlad Tepes III, Voivode of Wallachia, aka Dracula, aka Alucard, aka Thecrimsonfuckr at your service." Alucard said, bowing theatrically.
"aka Mihaela McNuexistă." Harry added.
"Can it, chowderhead." Alucard said with a grin.
"We came by for a couple of reasons, your eminence. Alucard?" Harry said.
"Do I have to?" Alucard whined.
"You lost the bet." Harry said, folding his arms and giving him a stern expression. Alucard rolled his eyes.
"I'm sorry for all the death threats." Alucard said
"And?" Harry asked.
"And signing you up for all of those erectile dysfunction medical trials." Alucard added.
"And?" Harry asked, grinning.
"And tying a banner to the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio that says '420YOLOSWAG4JESUS'" Alucard said.
"All is forgiven, my son." The pope said.
"Ow..." Alucard said clutching his chest. Harry laughed.
"What is wrong?" The Pope asked.
"Forgiveness from the pope, or really any ordained member of the church hits him like holy magic or a blessed weapon. He'll be fine." Harry explained. Alucard rolled his eyes again.
"Jesus, dude you're five more than hundred years older than me and you're acting like a teenager." Harry said. Alucard gasped.
"You used the Lord's name in vain in front of the pope!" Alucard said, clutching non-existent pearls.
"Right.. Sorry about that." Harry said, positioning himself behind Alucard and winking.
"You are forvgiven." The pope said
"Oww! Damnit Harry!" Alucard said. The pope laughed, and his guards were struggling not to.
"This has been a wonderful diversion, however there is a more serious matter I wished to discuss with you." The Pope said, inviting them to sit, which they did.
"What's the matter?" Harry asked.
"The Nova Inquisitionis are on the move, and have a new leader." The Pope said.
"That's upsetting..." Harry said.
"Indeed. What's more, is that this leader is perhaps... not entirely human." The Pope said.
"What?" Alucard asked.
"They've severed any official ties with the church, however there are hundreds of them who Matrograno managed to corrupt, and they are still loyal to their cause. Their new leader appears to be... modifying them." The Pope said.
"That's not good." Alucard said, helpfully.
"What else do we know about the new leader?" Harry asked. One of the Swiss Guards handed him a manila envelope with a dossier, including a blurry photograph of dozens of men in liturgical vestments bowing in front of a man in a black, hooded robe.
"I've seen him before.. in Grundig's memories. He's working with millennium too." Harry said, reading through the documents included.
"No name, he's been spotted all around the world, sightings on different continents within minutes of each other... Either there are many of them, or they have some sort of magic." Harry said.
"We were concerned about that. We provide you with any more information as it comes." The Pope said.
"Thank you. If for any reason you feel like you're about to be attacked, make your way to Stati Magia here in Rome, it's your best bet until I can get here." Harry said.
"I will. Armando here is a wizard, he can apparate me out of here at a moment's notice." The Pope said.
"That's surprisingly progressive..." Alucard observed. The pope sighed and stood, walking to the other side of the room.
"God works in mysterious ways. I know it's an old cliché, but it is true. As I have seen for myself in you, Harry, is that wizards are capable of great acts of virtue. Who am I to say that God didn't put your kind here to do his work?" The Pope asked.
"Well... you're kind of the only human that has that kind of swing with the big man." Alucard said, grinning. The Pope chuckled.
"I'm afraid my obligations require me to make this visit a short one." The Pope said. Harry and Alucard stood. The Pope came in and shook Harry's hand. Alucard patted the Pope on the back.
"Hands off, demon!" one of the Swiss guards said.
"Peace, Grigori. A being as powerful as he is could kill us all with little effort, it's clear he did not mean to do harm. Besides..." The Pope said, looking intently at Alucard.
"No doubt Harry would not allow him to." The Pope said. Alucard laughed and the guards backed down, guiding the Pope out of the room. When the Pope turned Harry's eyes widened and Alucard snickered. They left the Basilica on foot and made their way to a secluded alley to apparate back to Rome.
"Did you seriously stick a note that says 'your mother sucks cocks in hell' on the pope's back?" Harry asked.
"Did you seriously not stop me?" Alucard asked.
*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*
"You're still on about that?" Sirius asked. Harry shrugged.
"You gotta have goals." Harry said.
"You're talking about apparating 400,000km..." Sirius said.
"A. It's only 385,000km, secondly it'll only be the once because I'll be putting up a portal." Harry said.
"And what if you fall short and end up floating in space?" Sirius asked.
"Then I'll just keep on apparating until I get there." Harry said, rolling his eyes.
"And the radiation issue?" Sirius asked.
"Remember the lead coating on the Kashmir?" Harry asked, fiddling with a small stone shaped like a trapezoid.
"I meant to ask you about that. How can that thing even stay up when it's covered in lead?" Sirius asked. Harry looked at him like he was an idiot.
"What?" Sirius asked. Harry sighed and took Sirius' hand, patting it.
"I didn't want to be the one that had to tell you about this... See there's this thing called magic..." Harry said. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Physics can suck it. I got enough lead on that bitch to protect me from a gamma ray burst. No need to worry about my future progeny." Harry said. Integra and Seras walked into the room, Integra was blushing, then looked at Harry. Seras giggled and lead Integra down the hall and into the portal room.
"That doesn't bode well." Sirius said. Harry shrugged.
"I trust them." Harry said, before tossing the stone at Sirius, who caught it.
"What's this?" Sirius asked. Harry answered by withdrawing a pistol from his coat and firing at his chest point-blank. Sirius stared at him dumbfounded, looking down and patting his chest.
"Harry did you just make a bulletproof rune stone?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah-huh!" Harry said enthusiastically.
"Harry... did you just shoot at me?" Sirius asked. Harry grinned.
*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*
"You think he'll mind us just dropping in on him like this?" Remus asked. Tonks laughed.
"He told us, and I quote, 'Come over any time!'" Tonks said, holding Teddy on her hip. Just then the door burst open and Harry ran out with bright purple hair and several burn marks on his jacket, laughing his head off as Sirius chased him, firing hexes at him.
"'Morning, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin!" Harry shouted as he ran by.
"MOONEY GRAB HIM!" Sirius cried. On reflex Remus jumped out and grabbed ahold of Harry who started flailing wildly.
"Rictusempra!" Sirius shouted. Unfortunately at that very moment Harry slipped out of his grasp and Lupin fell to the ground laughing. Harry leapt over to Tonks and held his arms out, Tonks laughed and handed Teddy to him.
"Hey Teddy! Ever been a human shield before?" Harry asked. Teddy laughed and turned his hair purple.
"No fair..." Sirius said.
"What are you on about, Padfoot?" Tonks asked.
"Harry shot me!" Sirius said.
"I shot AT you, and I provided you with protection beforehand." Harry protested.
"You didn't even warn me!" Sirius whined.
"You apparently never listened to professor Moody. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Harry shouted.
"Constan viilance!" Teddy imitated.
"See, Teddy gets it!" Harry said.
"You're a horrible godson..." Sirius said.
"And you've been a horrible influence." Harry said, leading them all back into the manor.
"How are the girls doing?" Tonks said.
"Good! I had to make Nicole another new bracelet." Harry said.
"Are they with their mothers?" Lupin asked.
"No, the Elves are playing with them." Harry said, leading them up to the nursery. Nicole was giggling while Ascott put on a sock puppet show for her, Harry looked on fondly. Tonks' eyes widened.
"Are those...?" Tonks asked. Harry nodded.
"Dobby's socks. I couldn't think of a better use for them. I think he'd have probably done the same." Harry said, wistfully.
"I miss that creepy little bugger." Sirius said with a grin.
"Draco actually put up ten thousand galleons to start a foundation to help re-home orphaned elves. So many families ended up dying off and leaving their elves without a home. He deeply regretted his family's treatment of him, I mean it makes sense, Dobby was there for most of his childhood, for better or worse." Harry said.
"I can't believe my cousin is becoming a decent person." Tonks said.
"I wouldn't go that far." Harry said with a grin