Sakura

by lilac haze

AU. Non-Canon. Time Travel. Please see inside for full warnings. Cross posted on Ao3. On his deathbed he was granted eternal peace and place to rest for all of time. Of course that was not appealing to him. Ever unpredictable to the end he had a counter offer. One that the Sage had to consider. In which Sakura's going to have a rough time. A really rough time.

4. Part Four: Evaluation

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

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A/N:

Thank you so much sharing your thoughts and showing your support for this story. As it progresses, I hope it holds up to your expectations and continues to hold your interest. I'll do my best!

This chapter is a pivotal one.

Warnings for this chapter: violence and language.

To address a question from a user(wish I could respond in line to the review, that would make it so much easier) regarding timelines specifically around Orochimaru and his extracurriculars activity. As of right now, there is no proof that he is anything but a loyal shinobi of Konoha. Nothing at all. Sakura is anticipating it. She is operating under the assumption because while everyone sees Orochimaru for who he is right now (innocent), Sakura knows he is guilty so her lens of perception is tainted by that. Hopefully that answers the question or clarifies any confusion/concerns. I don't want to give too much away right now because this is a topic that will be covered in the chapters to come.

I will say this, it has been years since I revisited the source material. I started posting again to get back into writing and I'm lazy so I didn't revisit anything really. So there is some artistic liberties taken. I'll try my best not to make a mess out of the timeline but I feel like it's probably inevitable given how quickly this story was written and the less than extensive research/review done. Hopefully whatever this story brings outweighs any disappointment this causes.

Hope you like!

~L.H.

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Part 4: Evaluation

The left side of her face stung. Her throat was left dry by the scorching burn of her failure. The vibrations of the wails being thrust into the air settled on her chest. She bowed her head and continued to let the onslaught of abuse rain down on her. Her ears stopped ringing, allowing the shrill voice - broken up by loud, wet sobs - to make sense in her still-reeling brain.

"You killed my daughter!" The woman screamed her accusation with venom that did even more damage.

I don't know what happened.

"You're incompetent! Careless!" The woman - with brown hair that was in disarray - charged her. Her husband enveloped her in his arms, constricting her. It barely slowed her down. She tried to pry herself from his grip. He buried his head into her shoulder. His sobs too reached Sakura's over-sensitive ears.

What had been the pillar of strength - the load-bearing beam - came tumbling down; shaking the very foundation it once relied on.

"You had one job!" The worried, quiet woman who brought her child in not even hours ago was now this unrecognizable being in front of her. Not even her eyes were spared the transformation the news brought suddenly.

"Hakkoda-san," Sakura cleared her throat as she lifted her head so that nothing but broken brown eyes filled her line of sight. A world of pain and loss. She knew nothing else at that moment. "There were complications," she continued to try to explain what happened in a detached voice that spoke nothing to the way she was crumbling inside. She wanted to curl up into a ball. Or maybe cry and scream right alongside the woman who just lost her only child.

"I did everything that I could-"

"Not good enough!" The woman screamed. Striking Sakura once was not enough. She wanted to do it over and over and over again. Maybe that way her daughter would come back. She would pull her from moving on to the next life with her show of devotion. She was not ready to let go. She continued to struggle against her trembling husband.

"You did not do enough! You are not doing enough!"

Sakura saw her spit sail through the air, it landed on her cheek, the one that was not red from where Hakkoda's hand had left an impression.

"I'm very sorry for your loss," Sakura bowed lowly.

"My daughter is dead," the woman threw her head back and wailed. She nearly took down her husband along with her as her knees buckled. Nurses moved to stabilize the pair. Sakura could only look on as a bystander. A witness.

"You killed my daughter," the woman grabbed her husband's shirt and buried her head into his chest. "She killed our daughter."

"I am very sorry," she murmured so quietly that the words had no chance to carry over the sounds of their loud, devastated breathing. She found that she could once again move. She did not waste a second. Sakura turned on her heel. Each sob and wail that left the woman struck her to her core.

Her movements were mechanical, all muscle memory. She had nary a thought pertaining to her actions as she shrugged out of her coat, and tugged the elastic from her hair before putting distance between her and the mess she made. One foot at a time as her thoughts, memories, and analysis all overlapped.

The girl had been fine. Stable for the entirety of the operation - her vitals were good. They were solid. Everything was according to plan. Until it was not. And then it was much too late. She had poured an irresponsible amount of chakra into her, trying to undo what was already in motion. She had even briefly considered using her Creation Rebirth - the seal was hidden away behind an illusion - but she shot down the idea before Inner caught wind of it. That was truly the last thing she needed.

Sakura grabbed the cold metal of the chains. She lowered herself into the uncomfortable wooden seat. Her heels were slightly angled up as her feet were still on the ground. She swayed gently back and forth, the creaking of the chains almost sounded like moaning. Like she was causing yet another thing distress by her mere presence. The hand that was not curled around the chain was cupped around her bent knee.

The woman - Hakkoda-san - was right. She was not doing enough. She did not do enough. She was not doing enough. War was imminent. The Third Great War was right on the horizon. She could see the beginning rumblings of unease - in the nature of the missions she was assigned. Less of them were escort or accompaniment and more and more of them were intel gathering. Trade between lands was slowing down. Konoha was in the beginning stages of a recession and it was one of the villages that was better off. In as little as three years, the war would begin. The war in which Kakashi-sensei lost all his teammates and survivor's guilt became a fixture in his personality. She had seen Obito - Tobi. She saw the lengths he was willing to go to fix the world of what he deemed to be flaws. He waged war on reality and the Shinobi World was just in the way.

Loss. Grief. It did the most extreme things to the brain, to the psyche. It could turn the calmest and mild-natured people into angry, violent beings who just wanted someone else to hurt as badly as them. Even if it was for just a second. All in desperation for someone else to understand, to fathom the pain they carried with them. The weight of a broken heart rattling in an aching chest. Of being reminded of its brokenness every time it moved.

She's gone.

Sakura's head slowly came to rest against her fist. She was oblivious to the strain on her neck. Neji was dead. Future Neji was dead. The Allied Forces were on their last leg. Three days was all it took to completely threaten everything that was built in almost as many generations.

She needed more of her memories. Unlike the ones that were unlocked naturally, the memories locked away in the seal Inner broke had cut off rather abruptly. All she remembered was her chakra being dangerously low. But she had no choice. Naruto and Sasuke-kun were dying right in front of her. There was no choice. She had activated her seal - her Byakugo- and healed them, down to every last scratch. She had given them chakra too. Everything she had. Because they were the answer. The world ceased to be without them.

She had no interest in being in a world without them. The mere thought was too painful for future Sakura.

If only she could see me now.

But she could not. Future Sakura could not look back any more than Sakura-No-Last-Name could look forward. Just seconds. She was not asking for much. She just wanted to know seconds past what happened next. The last scene she was given was only enough chakra to heal something minor. She could barely stand, or see straight. She was a liability.

And everything faded to black.

I must have passed out from chakra exhaustion.

She sighed in judgment. She did not have a choice, yes, but that did not stop her from beating herself over it. And what was more - Inner told her there were no additional paths. It had been weeks and she found nothing. Not walls, no halls, no doors.

Just emptiness.

Sakura's working theory was that they triggered a failsafe that she did not account for. Something wiped her memories. Maybe for good. Inoichi could not find traces of them in her brain. He was of the belief that if they were wiped, there should have been chakra residue or something left behind to indicate that something was there in the first place.

He found nothing.

And it was only further enforced when nothing happened on her seventeenth birthday. No new memories, no dreams. Just silence.

It's all gone.

She messed up. In her impatience, she did not see the problem from every angle. She had waited three years to be able to unlock the seals on demand. She had all this time and she still found a way to ruin everything.

Everything is gone.

Her memories - of a life she had lived - were gone; taking any prospect of finding out the truth with them. She was completely adrift with no way back home. She did not even know which direction home was. And for that, she was the biggest failure in the history of failures. She let them all down.

I don't know what happened.

Neither did Inner or Inoichi. The second the six paths connected in the middle - filling the square within the square - they were kicked out of her brain. Instantly. Forcibly. Without delay. Inoichi could not get back in. He claimed there was a wall, an obstruction. A barrier. Truth be told, he did not try too hard. He did not push back. Because of his concern. She had taken close to eighteen hours to regain consciousness. It was a point of contention. She had not reacted well, she had been short when he pushed back on her demand for him to bring down the barrier as he had the first. No amount of reasoning he did regarding how it was not the same reached her ears. Just as her persuasion did not move him. His fear was greater than her leverage. He had thought she was gone forever. But it was actually not her, but future Sakura. Her link to her was gone.

And the outside world had already proven not to have what she was looking for. She had nothing. All the while a war raged on in the future and the past. Only for her to not know which side she was on anymore, where she was anymore. Who she was anymore.

"How long do you plan on loitering for?" Her voice was without color, without life as she asked the nothing in front of her. The sound of wood groaning and chains screeching came from her right. She did not break the union of her temple and her left hand.

"Are you alright?" He asked in an overly cautious voice.

"Fine," she lied. But in her defense, he had no right to ask her that question.

"It's not your fault. That was the grief talking," he turned his head to take in her frame. The way she minimized herself was making something prick at him. He did not care for the feeling. "You can't take what she said to heart, Sakura."

She scoffed quietly in her sheer inability to be surprised anymore. "Did you mark me?" Her voice held a level of casualness that was uncalled for. She heard him stiffen in his seat. The wooden plank was really unforgiving as it was uncomfortable. There was no hiding anything from it.

"Does your formula get triggered when I'm at my absolute lowest? Is that why you're always around?"

He set his face in an expression of neutrality to hide the marks left behind by her rhetorical questions. "You've been distant," he started. That path she had veered to was not productive. He sighed. And judging from her body language maybe he was not to fare much better.

"I'm busy." She smirked. "Don't read too much into it. You're not special." She was avoiding everyone of late. Even Inoichi. Maybe especially Inoichi. He had stopped coming around when the sixth bento he left at her doorstep went untouched by her. The rats in her building missed his mother's cooking. She could hear them scratching at the door all the way from her bed and that was when she was covered in her protective cocoon. A shield from the outside world because she still had not quite figured out how to fortify herself from the inside.

She might not be busy much longer. She still had hours left on her shift - the one she walked out of. Maybe the Hokage would relieve her of that responsibility as well. It would open up more time for her to wallow in her misery.

"Are you hurt?" She asked the silence of his dissatisfaction. "Injured?" She clarified.

"No," he answered with traces of frustration. The manner in which his hands were clenched spoke more to that fact. "I was hoping to see you."

She laughed. Cold and distant. Bitter. "You saw me."

Hope was a dangerous thing. It had been what sustained her. It fed her soul. It was what she hung everything off of. This notion that she would figure it out, that she would make sense of the nonsense in her head and she would go home. Now that was gone, she was reminded rather unforgivingly just how hollow she was. Just how empty she was. The weight of her failures on her shoulders threatened to cause her to cave in on herself.

Hope was going to be her undoing now that it left her.

The silence that enveloped them was far from comfortable. So he broke it. "You've been spending more time with Inoichi."

He had a gift, she noted to herself. The way he spoke. He even made questions sound like statements. And statements became fact. He was not asking. He was telling her despite the fact that both of them knew it to be true. Well, it had been true at one point.

"It's none of your business who I choose to spend my time with," she sniffed. The cooling air was starting to bite at her nose.

"It is my business who you choose not to spend time with," he frowned. His whole body was turned toward her. Feet pointed and everything. And she could not be bothered to straighten her neck, much less give him the same level of consideration. "I can help you Sakura."

"Not all blonds are interchangeable," she snorted before speaking patronizingly. It was times like this that she could not even stand herself. Minato had a surprisingly high tolerance for her bullshit. Which was a little unexpected given his intolerance for inefficiency and stupidity. Minato was not one to argue. If he did not see eye to eye with someone he left it at that. He was dismissive of those who disagreed to a fault at times. He did not see it as his job to change people's minds. That was not his primary motivator. His steadfast belief in himself and his ideals was what drove him. He was not worried about what people thought. And that was exactly what caused so many to gravitate to him, to respect him.

"Sakura," he said her name twisted in a similar manner to what she did to his insides. "You don't have to ask. Just tell me what to do. Tell me what you need from me."

She tried to reconcile the Yondaime she remembered - the one she met for the first time seventeen years after he died on the battlefield. The one she talked to while she healed his son. The one that spoke calmly and with composure while her hand was pumping his son's heart. That Yondaime commanded respect and attention with just his mere stance. Nothing more. He did not have to raise his voice to be heard. People strained to listen to him. He was something to be admired - with the shinobi in front of her. She did not see how they could be one and the same. She did not understand why he did not recognize a lost cause right in front of him, given all this time when he could do the same in seconds, then. Maybe he really needed those seven years to grow. Maybe he needed to live through a war to be that man. Or maybe he just needed to be free of her.

She turned her head. His eyes instantly locked onto the left side of her face. To her slightly red cheek. He clenched his hands even harder to keep one from reaching out and gently soothing the area until the color went down with calloused, feather-light, tender touches.

"You're pathetic." She was so cold from the outside. Her eyes were like ice and her tone was frigid.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Why are you so adamant about hurting both me and yourself?" Her silence was not to be broken. The vault that her lips became would not open. He opened his mouth to ask another question he knew that he would not get an answer for. "What did I do wrong, Sakura?"

She turned back to glare at the horizon. He could see her jaw loosen enough for her to push out just two syllables. "Nothing." Her tone was cut with jagged glass. It hurt to listen to.

"Then why are you punishing me?" He asked the question to the gust of wind left behind. A soft petal of a cherry blossom got caught on his cheek. He closed his eyes and sighed.

It's the grief talking.

He told himself, not sure if it was a lie or not.

xXx

She was gasping long before her body landed on the cold tile floor of her bathroom. Her cheeks were slick with her tears. Her breath fogged up the white porcelain. Her knees curled to her chest as she cried tears that no one could see. Just like the marks they left on her soul.

She hated who she had to become. Because she hated not knowing who she was. Things were simple with future Sakura. Future Sakura belonged to Sasuke-kun. She would never ever betray him by even thinking of another because she understood that it was almost impossible for him to trust anyone given his history. So future Sakura had to be sure - down to every last cell in her body - for him, for them. She had to be the picture of loyal whether or not Sasuke-kun would ever be in a place where he could accept her.

But this Sakura, this Sakura who she was right now was not loyal. Because every time she thought, dreamed, or saw Minato, her heart was in shreds. Every time. And she did not understand it.

---

Her head hurt, her eyes swam, her joints complained, and her stomach grumbled but she did not move to rectify a single of those things. She was obsessed with anything that had to do with dreams or memories. She was a better doctor this time around because of all the research she did on the brain. If she was even remotely in the right headspace she would have appreciated just how ironic it was that while she was an expert on the organ. She was no closer to understanding her own. It was tragic and sad.

Sakura chewed on her bottom lip. Her stomach screamed at her for actual sustenance for all that work her mouth was doing for zero payoff.

"Later," she said with finality as if the noisemaker would be appeased so easily. She smoothed her fingers on her forehead and began to read out loud - it was the only way to keep sleep at bay.

"It is believed that dreams and the subconscious are coupled closely together…."

---

As luck would have it, Konoha was miserably behind the need when it came to medics. And while the head medic and charge nurse had given her a dressing down that she would not soon forget, they had practically kissed her out of pure relief when she had showed up for her shift the very next day after the loss of Hakkoda Hikari, a darling little seven-year-old girl. The hospital was her refuge from the world - from her own village. She had not gone home in two weeks. She had become more than proficient enough in sealing that her research material was now portable. They went where she did. She had a scroll for all her scrolls and books and notes.

She had squatted in an old utility closet. The head of hospital administration said the room was all hers if she signed a waiver that promised she would not sue the hospital for any injury, sickness, or misfortune that may befall her for staying in a closet that was not zoned - or fit - for human dwelling. As long as she cleaned it out on her own time of course. But it was in a quiet wing of the hospital that rarely saw traffic so really, she saw herself coming out with the better deal of it.

There was enough room for a cot, a hanging rack for her clothes, and a small desk and chair. Besides there was a working lock that miraculously there had been one spare key in the desk of the maintenance break room and she was all set. The vending machines in the hall sustained her food needs. And there were showers on the very same floor. It allowed her to save time and respond to emergencies with little to no notice. It worked for her.

Except today. Sakura sighed as she hoisted the canvas totes on her shoulders. She could not do laundry in the hospital. She had asked and the answer had been a resounding, emphatic no. She had just managed to make it in time so that her last load would be out before the 'last wash' time that was displayed in the window.

The air was muggy as she trudged through the streets of Konoha painted in the beginning colors of dusk. Only the promise of rice balls and sleep was what kept her going. She did not turn when the faint chime of a bell was registered by her ears.

"Sakura-chan!"

She swallowed the emotion that rose in her throat as the sound of her father's voice washed over her. She turned her head to smile at him, closing her eyes to hide the last remnants of pain that were being too stubborn to hide away.

"Kizashi-san," she dipped her head in greeting. Her composure was collected once again. She sealed the cracks shut.

He crossed his arms over his broad chest and frowned at her. "I thought you were on a long-term mission."

First confusion then understanding came to her. "I've been busy," she began lamely, unable to meet his dark blue eyes. Even though they were different in shape, color, and size, her insides still clenched. She had an aversion to that whole color family.

"Too busy to say hello?" He raised two magenta brows.

"You're right," she sighed, feeling thoroughly reprimanded. Just the mere threat of disappointment on his face sent her down the path of guilt. "I'll try to be better," she did not lie very convincingly.

"Wait here," Kizashi eyed her up and down. The frown never left his face.

Sakura stood awkwardly in the middle of the street with her clean laundry slung over her shoulders. She counted the seconds until he appeared again. She did not fight the plastic bags he shoved in her hands. Day-old bread. Her favorite.

"I will see you next week," he said firmly in a tone that left no wiggle room for even the thought of argument.

She nodded her head. "Thank you," she bit her lip to force herself to leave it at that, before her voice gave out. She did not deserve his kindness and maybe she lost it forever.

---

She knew instantly from the distorted shape of his shadow who he was. No one else supported a crown of spikey locks quite the same way he did. Messy but not unruly. Untamed but not wild. Thick but soft. And she had been spending much too much time thinking about his hair. He pushed off the wall that led to the narrow staircase up to her room. Maybe he did mark her. But the chakra scan she did - where she pulsed chakra to every square inch of herself - did not reveal such a scenario.

She nearly shivered at the face he wore. He was not happy but neither was she. "This is getting out of hand," she did not know how to make herself any clearer. "Stalking, does not an endearing quality make."

"Neither does abandonment," he narrowed his eyes as he closed the distance.

She kept her gaze on his shoulder. She refused to tilt her head to look up at him. He had grown taller. Much taller, something she was just realizing now. She breathed through her mouth as his cedar and salty sea air scent promised to cause inconvenient uprisings all throughout her. She rocked on her toes to play off the way her body seemed to lean toward him, unable to fight his magnetism. Not after another day where she felt stagnant.

"They don't need me to be Jonin. I didn't abandon anyone," she made to push past him.

"You worked so hard. You work so hard. Why are you throwing it all away?" He was reserving judgment. He was trying to understand. Because he just did not. "Why, Sakura?"

"Ranks mean nothing to me," her tone was as flat as her eyes. "I'm not interested in titles."

"You don't have an interest in what the rank brings with it? What about teaching?"

The surprise in his voice caused her to stop before she was even on the first step.

"No," she counted the stairs that separated her and her front door. "Teaching doesn't suit my needs. It's not my purpose." She was not quite sure what her purpose was but she knew being a Jonin instructor was not it. Because she was not quite ready to let go of the people in her head that she loved in her heart. She was not going to give up on them just yet. She did not know how to give up on them.

"Future generations are everything. They're why we do this. To carry on the Will of Fire." He frowned at her back. He had more chances of getting through to a brick wall but that did not stop him. "For what it's worth, I think you'd be good at it. Really good at it."

Minato-kun.

Sakura sank her teeth into her bottom lip. She was so soft. Just with a few carefully selected sets of words, he could completely strike her down right to the middle. She had yet to figure out the combination to do the equal but opposite for him. The combination that would get him to give up on her.

"You haven't been spending time with your friends, Sakura. You're avoiding everyone. You're retreating from the world. You're isolating yourself. You're depressed. They're worried about you." He stopped himself just in time from saying that he was worried about her too. His actions said it enough. Words would just be overkill.

"I have no friends," she picked up her foot and took the first step. She could not deny the rest of his accusations. They were facts.

He was not there to fight or argue. So he let the strike go without retaliating. He did not move until he heard her lock slide into place. Tomorrow she turned eighteen, marking four whole years since their friendship all but dissolved. And he was still without answers to what just happened.

---

She raised her arms slowly to bring her palms to rest against the panel of glass too thin and too clean for her to see; the surface of the mirror - more fine than spider silk - separated her and the picture being interpreted by her eyes. Semi-opaque hands moved through the non-existent barrier. It was so cold. The picture - the woman - did not move.

"Inner?" Sakura's lips asked the question. There was a flash of light. She covered her eyes. By the time her eyes adjusted to the brightness, she was alone. In color and in vibrancy surrounded by nothing but a bright yellow-white light.

"Sakura-chan."

It was instant and purely involuntarily the way her whole frame locked up. Every hair on her body seemed to stand on end. Her flesh broke out into bumps. Her heart skipped a beat. Tears filled her eyes without notice of their sudden arrival.

No.

"Sakura-chan," he said her name again, only this time it sounded broken. The surprise had faded and it replaced itself with much heavier and noticeable guilt. Even then with everything in her screaming for her to turn around, she could not bring herself to move for fear that it would all come crashing down around her.

It's not real.

He must have realized her lack of ability or grown impatient - and knowing him, it was probably the latter - because he was the one to come to her. She could hear his sandals as he walked in a manner that she had just come to realize was distinctive. She recognized his gait. Her heavy eyelids slipped closed. The sound of his feet no longer reached her ears. But she could hear him breathing. She felt the small gale of air when he walked past her. The slightly warm air brushed the top of her forehead. If she did not know any better she would have thought he really was here.

He always did run warm.

It was astounding the level of detail her subconscious was able to replicate. All that was missing was his aroma. What she imagined he smelled like.

"Sakura-chan," he said her name again but there was more firmness. It was the first change she detected. "Look at me."

I can't.

She shook her head. Because she was scared. What she prayed for, begged for, and ran towards for the better part of five years was right in front of her and she did not have the strength to let herself hope that maybe not all was lost. Such was his effect.

But she did not want to fall again. It was too painful. She would shatter. She would become dust. If this was karma for her actions both hers and future Sakura's. For all the pain she caused him. For the pain she was causing his father.

"Please," his voice was a half-octave higher, a little more raspy and textured - not as smooth sounding and definitely not anywhere near as calm or soft. He was a little bit taller. He was not as eloquent. And she hated that this is what her brain chose to focus on. Comparison.

"Please," he asked again.

A sound she did not even remember making left her throat only to be followed by a flutter of pink lashes. Her tears made them heavier so it was noticeable the effort needed to pry them apart. She looked at the face in front of her. He was exactly as she remembered.

"Naruto," she whispered his name. "You're here," she said in utter disbelief. "You're really here."

"I'm here, Sakura-chan," he smiled softly but there was a strain in his eyes. "I'm here."

She furrowed her brow. Her parted lips moved soundlessly, mouthing her unintelligible fragments of thought. He was different. His eyes were different. They were not as carefree as she remembered. Because even in war, Naruto's eyes did not change. He had been at ease - the happiest he had been in years - when they all stood shoulder to shoulder before they summoned their beasts. The Legendary Trio was reunited once again. The Neo-Sannin. She had felt the same. Team Seven was together again and it was a beautiful moment. One she revisited often when in the privacy of her own mind.

"Naruto." Her expression hardened into a frown. "You don't look different," she felt panic creeping in. "Why don't you look different?" She demanded as she took a half step towards him. Her hand flattened on his chest. She did not feel a beat, a rhythmic cadence. "Did something happen?" She searched his face. "Did something happen to you?"

She felt his warm hands wrap around her wrist. Her stomach burned at the solemn look on his face. He did not try to smile or reassure her. She knew she would not like what he had to say long before he opened his mouth.

"No," he shook his head. She saw the pain being opened right in front of her. "But something happened to you."

The air left her lungs all at once in a sharp sound.

xXx

Sakura blinked lazily at the nothingness as his fingers swirled in her hair. Her head rested in his lap.

"I died?" She asked calmly.

"Yes," Naruto's face pinched together as he confirmed for the third time that was the case. "You didn't have enough chakra. Madara got past me and the Teme. He got to you."

"Hm," she rubbed her forehead. She had not seen it coming. The Uchiha had made it quick as she had no memory of the event. And she was grateful that was one trauma she did not need. She had enough for two lifetimes. "That's why the memories suddenly cut off. I thought I had done something wrong…."

"The memories were supposed to unlock on your birthday. They were calibrated to the exact minute of each one, to dissolve when it was time. One after the other. In order. And when the final seal expired, I was supposed to be awakened as part of the door opening to explain everything." Naruto regarded her with soft eyes. He could not quite believe that she was here. It had been over sixty years since he had seen her. "Your hair is long," he lifted up a section to punctuate his point.

She hummed. "Inner said they had to move quickly. She cut off the flow of chakra the second she heard something click. I guess she didn't go long enough to undo the second lock."

A lock that they had no way of knowing existed.

She brought her hand up to touch his cheek. He leaned into her palm. It was as if no time had passed, they fell right into place. There was no awkwardness after the initial shock. He was Naruto. The Naruto she knew.

Am I the same Sakura you remember?

She was not brave enough to ask that question out loud. And he was not as shrewd as his father to read the question from her face.

"Got impatient, Sakura-chan?" His eyes were bright with something she did not recognize.

"Can you blame me?" She smiled lopsidedly. "I wanted to get back to you, to everyone."

To my life. My real life.

The smile fell off his face and it caused her stomach to sink. She lowered her hand to his chin and tilted it down so he had no choice but to look at her or be completely obvious in his avoidance.

"How did you wake up, Naruto?" She could not help but smile a little every time she said his name. She did not even care if she had finally gone crazy. If this was the rest of her life - her fate - it was not so bad.

"There was a time-failsafe in case you tried something. My seal - the seal that awakened me - was set to unlock on your eighteenth birthday." His expression became warmer. "Happy birthday, Sakura-chan."

"Thanks, Naruto," she lowered her hands to his chest. "Birthdays only started having meaning after my thirteenth and stopped having meaning after my seventeenth."

"Birthdays are important, Sakura-chan," he admonished her gently. "Always."

"So what did you get me?" She laughed, light and airy.

A mischievous smile corrupted his face. It was her only warning, he leaned forward and pressed his lips on her forehead. Right over her Byakugo. They were a little dry. But oh so warm. Like his heart.

"How's that?" His smile was so bright and his eyes so full of adoration that her throat tightened.

"Really nice," she cleared her throat and blinked back the tears. "Was it you? Wearing Sasuke-kun's face."

The sounds of his laughter bounced around in the walls of her mind. Filling the marrow of her bones, making her lighter. Making the pain less pronounced.

"I can't lie to you, Sakura-chan. Especially given how long it's been," he nodded his head; not even slightly abashed at being caught.

"Baka," she said the insult with fondness. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

Naruto's expression lost some of its vibrancy. "Yeah," he nodded his head slowly. "After I brought the Teme home. That was the plan anyway, but then Neji…."

"Died," Sakura sighed. "And Hinata," she covered her face with her hands.

"Would it have changed anything?" Naruto asked her with too much nonchalance for it to be genuine.

"Honestly," she mulled her words. "Probably not for who I was, for the Sakura you knew." She was not so sure now.

Naruto sighed. He leaned back on his palms. Her face was still hidden away. "I wondered a lot about how life would have turned out if you were there. A lot."

"Hm," she hummed as she brought her hands to her stomach. He covered them both with one of his. She squeezed his fingers. "Did we win the war?" She asked in a gentle tone, not quite prepared for the answer or the way his face changed yet again.

"After your sacrifice?" He partially growled. "There was no other option."

She laughed. "Good." The air around them changed again, not as heavy. "Was there another?"

"Not in my lifetime," he said with an easy grin. "And I'm an Uzumaki," his eyes sparkled.

"So you're all wrinkly like a prune?" She teased. "Under there?" She pinched his cheeks to which he pouted.

"I mean not Baachan level bad, but there were a few wrinkles," he laughed. The sound warmed her heart. "I looked very distinguished."

She wrinkled her nose, not quite able to picture it as she traced the smooth lines of his face. "So the Nanadaime?"

"Yeah," his eyes held a light she had not seen before. "I wish you could have been there."

"Me too," she took his hand to let rest in hers. "Kaka-Sensei was really the Rokudaime?" She asked with clear dread and a complete lack of confidence. "Was there even a village for you to inherit?"

Naruto snickered in that way of his. It reminded her of that twelve-year-old Genin who claimed everyone would acknowledge him one day. That Baka was right.

"He did a really good job actually. He wanted to make you and Obito proud. He was beloved. Very fair."

"I'll believe it when I see it," she said dismissively. That same tightness filled Naruto's cobalt eyes. "Why this form?" She could not help but ask. "Why not what you were last? Or what you were in your prime?"

"I thought it would be the most comfortable, the least jarring," he brushed the hair away from her forehead.

"More familiar," Sakura mused. "I missed you. I miss everyone. Everyday." It was more than just words. It was the truth.

"I missed you too, every day." He said firmly. "We all did."

Sakura sat up abruptly, Naruto leaned back just in time to avoid taking a forehead to the face.

"You did it, Baka," she said full of affection and admiration.

"Did what?" He cocked his head to the side and blinked without a single thought in his head. "Became Hokage? Got married? Had kids?"

Sakura reached for the sides of his face. Her fingers curled around his ears. "You grew into your ears," she said with a laugh.

His lips pulled into a big exaggerated pout. "That was so rude, Sakura-chan."

She gave his ears a tug for old-time's sake. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Sakura-chan. It means the world to hear you say that," his eyes kept moving as he took her in. She realized he was doing something similar. Comparing what he remembered with what was in front of her. But while he compared her to herself, she had compared him to his father. Apples to oranges. Not fair to either of them.

"Kids huh?" She asked with a loose smile. "And at twenty?!"

A baby. He was a baby when he became a father. Naruto awkwardly holding a newborn - his newborn - was something that nearly had her in stitches.

"Two," he grinned. "We all ended up having kids in the same year. It was a big class. Just like ours was. And I had a whole mess of grandkids. Seven!"

"Wow," she shook her head and chuckled. "I bet Hinata was the happiest woman alive."

"She was good to me," his voice had an unreadable quality to it.

"How are you here, Naruto?" Her expression sombered. As nice as it was to hear him talk about a world that grew and expanded if it had any hope of coming to be - if she had any hope of rejoining it, she needed answers. "How is your chakra here? Why was it sealed in me?"

He seemed to age right in front of her eyes. He inhaled a long breath. He spoke slowly.

"Do you remember that genjutsu we got pulled into? The one Obito - Tobi cast?"

"His Limited Tsukuyomi?" She asked in surprise, already not liking where this was headed.

He nodded his head pleased she remembered. "I couldn't shake it, Sakura-chan. No matter how much I tried not to think about it. I kept going back there. And I lived a good life. A full life. But I kept thinking about it. I couldn't let it go. I couldn't stop thinking about it, Sakura-chan." His eyes were almost deranged in the way he looked at her with desperation. He flailed his arms. "You have to understand. I tried. I tried and tried and tried. But I just couldn't. I didn't-"

"Naruto," she frowned. "Slow down," she lowered his arms, pinning them to his sides. "Breathe," she watched as he did so. "Stop thinking about what?" He was not making any sense. She let go, no longer restraining him.

His whole resolve seemed to crumble right in front of her. He was unable to hold her gaze.

"I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to be raised by my parents. I couldn't shake what it would feel like being raised in a household with love," he muttered in a voice plagued by fear of ridicule. "What would it be like to be raised by my tochan and kaachan."

He was not even looking at her. And that burned her worse than even what the Kyuubi did to her.

"Stop," she sank her nails into his forearm. He winched. "Don't be embarrassed," she said fiercely, protectively. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. There's nothing wrong with wishing that." Her eyes held a level of understanding that future Sakura could never hope to emulate. Because she did not know just how deep and profound loneliness could spread. Into even nook and cranny, filling her in places where she did not even know she could hurt.

He smiled sadly. His hand covered hers. "When I held my son for the first time, the first thought - the only thought - was what was it like for my tochan to hold me with his whole world being threatened. His whole world was on fire."

She nodded her head with tears in her eyes that she stubbornly kept back. She did not want to be Cry-Baby Sakura right now, not when he was opening up and being completely raw to her. She wanted to do something future Sakura rarely did, she wanted to be a source of support and strength for him.

"So when Super Gramps told me that it was time to go to my eternal home or whatever I asked him if he could turn back the clock so that I can be reborn as myself and have my parents raise me. I didn't want to have to wait until I was an adult to experience what a loving home was like. Just once. Just one time, 'ttebayo. And then I started to think about how amazing it would have been for my parents to meet their grandchildren. How happy it would have made them, 'dattebayo! And I kept being pulled back to that picture, you know?" He glanced at the very silent pinkette. "Sakura-chan?"

"Who?" She asked aghast.

Naruto chuckled sheepishly. "I didn't tell you about Super Gramps - The Sage of Six Paths?"

She blinked owlishly.

Naruto deflated. "Super Gramps was right, I am terrible at this." He inhaled in exasperation. "But I couldn't let him explain this to you, that would have totally freaked you out. He's got a really rough face. And I wouldn't have been able to see you again-"

"Naruto," Sakura said his name sharply. "Focus!"

He scratched his cheek. The manner in which she slipped back to future Sakura surprised them both. It was like riding a bike. And while that brought a smile to his face, it caused her stomach to twist.

"Okay, okay," he held up his hands and chuckled disarmingly. "Okay," he said with more seriousness. "Let me start at the beginning."

And he did.

xXx

"Sakura-chan," he waved a hand in front of her face with real concern on his face that he broke her. "Are you still with me?"

"You're a God?" Her voice was more of a groan than anything. "Reincarnation is real?"

He nodded his head, not looking happy about it at all. "When I put in the request I thought he would just make the seal stronger, better - he's very good at that…why am I telling you this? You know just how good he is." Naruto scratched his head. His lips were not keeping up with his thoughts.

"I thought he would, I don't know, just make things different. But he hit me over the head with his staff - he has this staff," Naruto held his arms apart more than four feet to illustrate said staff, "and called me a Baka and said that's not how anything works. Something about how if the seal was made any stronger, then it could not be broken to extract the Kyuubi when it came time for the next vessel to be chosen. And even if he could, he wouldn't because it would mess with the natural order of things."

"Natural order of things?"

Naruto nodded his head sagely. "The Gods don't get involved unless they have to. Dire-circumstances," he used air quotes as he deepened his voice no doubt to mimic the manner in which this Sage spoke. She did not get the impression. Naruto thought it was spot on. All his best material was lost on her.

"He could facilitate the events but ultimately he could not get directly involved. There would have to be a proxy. A representative. A-"

"Me," she interrupted.

"Yeah! Yeah!" He nodded his head. "Because that someone would need to go back and change everything. And he said it would have to be someone who was strong enough both mentally and physically to handle it. And he said it couldn't be one of the clan kids because their jutsus would just be a dead giveaway. And it couldn't be me because there can only be one 'me' at a time. And if I went back and was still around when Kaachan gave birth, the soul that was placed in the body wouldn't be mine. I could only go into myself if I was dead, which defeats the whole purpose so that only left a handful of people that could be introduced to the timeline that did not already exist..."

"Me, Lee-san, and TenTen," she blinked slowly as she began to list those who came to mind. "Lee-san can't use ninjutsu…" her voice trailed off.

"Tenten's ceiling is lower than yours, and she's not as close to me as you were or to Teme." Naruto continued to try to justify the decision to completely uproot her, to uproot them all. "And I remember Ino saying that you had a being in your head when she tried to get you to withdraw from the Chuunin Exams. I thought it could help you. That it would let you know about the seals and you wouldn't be alone. You were the most likely to succeed. There's no one who is both as smart or as strong as you. You were the obvious choice, Sakura-chan. You would be alive and you could fix things, and make them better for everyone. And-"

"Why did my memories take so long to unlock?" She asked with a frown, not interested in watching him trip over his words as he tried to justify it all. They did not have an infinite amount of time. As nice as this was, it too would fade.

"Why not sooner?"

"We wanted to make sure you could handle it," he admitted in an abashed tone. "I thought it would be too much if you had them right at the beginning. It was too much. There's a reason why people don't remember their past lives when moving onto the next."

"But I moved backward," she pointed out. "Not forward."

"Right, twice," he said gravely. "You would have not been welcomed into the village at the age you were when you…when you…"

"Died," she said without empathy.

"Right," he sighed. "Sorry."

She shook her head. She had to be a child. So he wound the clock to when she was four before rewinding it again to send her back. Back here. For her mission. "So he sealed my memories and sent me back."

"Yeah!" Naruto said a little too eagerly. "And since you had that thing-"

"Inner," she corrected.

"Inner," Naruto said slowly. "You had Inner. I convinced him to not age her down. To keep her the same age you were last, as I remembered you. A guide of sorts. She did not know everything - or anything, she did not remember - but she was aware, at least on some level."

"She kept digging," Sakura frowned. "She looked out of me." She hugged herself. In a way, she was never alone. She had Inner. Who was oddly silent in all of this.

"She did," Naruto said with building excitement once again.

"I was sent back to save your parents?" She asked just to be thorough. "To give you a chance at the childhood you deserved? The one you deserve?"

"I'm so sorry, Sakura-chan," his shoulders slumped forward. "I didn't think. And I missed you. I wanted to see you again. One more time. I thought you could have a fresh start, a better chance. You could have all the things you didn't get a chance to! I didn't think beyond that. I didn't think that deeply."

Naruto not thinking…surprise. Surprise.

"It's fine," she was not sure she meant it as she quickly worked to stay on track. She shook her head and tugged her red top to her hips. It had ridden up. "Naruto," she inhaled. "I need you to tell me everything you know. Everything."

"Right," his expression hardened. "Just say when you're ready."

She licked her lips before opening her mouth and nodding curtly. "When."

xXx

She could see him start to blur around the edges. There was so much information in her mind, that she was worried that something would slip. Her breathing - which she did out of habit - grounded her. She had information. The one thing she needed and had craved. She had it now. Details. She knew the people and the events and it was all locked away in her mind. A vault that Inner would never let anyone breach.

"Anything else, Sakura-chan?" He reached forward and brushed the hair from her face. She did not remember him being so handsy. But maybe he really had just missed her.

And she was so, so, so touch starved. She realized that now. Having gone all eighteen years of her life without. She leaned toward him. He met her more than halfway. His arms wrapped around her. He tucked her under his chin.

You're so warm, Naruto.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself to just be. To accept what he was offering. For once.

But the buzzing in her mind only stayed bearable for so long.

"Did," she chewed on her bottom lip. He had told her about everyone - in detail - except one person. She gathered her bravery to ask what was burning inside of her.

She pulled away from the safety of his embrace so she could look him in the eye. Because he deserved more than her cowardice.

"Did Sasuke-kun…?" Her voice broke .

"He was old and wrinkly too; went in his sleep," Naruto's smile did not reach his eyes. "He died at home."

Home. She knew the significance of it all. He died in Konoha. He was not alone and that brought her heavy heart great comfort. She pressed her palm to her heart and smiled, soft and full of tenderness.

"I'm glad." She held Naruto in her gaze with real marvel. "You kept your promise to me."

"Of course, I did, Sakura-chan," he frowned. Her throat closed up because at that moment it was not his mother's face she saw. "It was a promise of a lifetime. I had to keep it."

She laughed, wet and relieved. She squeezed his fingers. "Thank you, Naruto-Baka." She brought his knuckles to her lips and she kissed them. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Sakura-chan," his eyes did that thing again where they could not quite meet hers. She saw the pain. "What you're doing for me is more than enough. I'll never be able to repay you. I won't even remember." She could see the very real regret on his person, his person that was buried underground somewhere. "You saved my life."

"None of that," she shook her head. "We're friends. There's no keeping score or track in friendship." She cleared her throat roughly. "Team Seven," she smiled as she lowered his hand, cradling it in both of hers. "Meant everything to me. You, Sasuke-kun, Kaka-Sensei, and Sai were more than family. I have zero regrets."

The sound of a single drop of salty water hitting the white ground reached her ears. Then more feel. Many more in rapid succession. She did not fight his embrace. She did not complain even if he crushed her. She rubbed his back as his shoulders shook. She could feel his tears on her shoulder. His snot on her clothes.

"Baka-Naruto," she said in a soft tender voice, her fingers soothed down his hair.

"Sakura-chan," he cried into her skin, gasping for breath. "I missed you so much, dattebayo! There were so many times I wanted to talk to you; to just hear your voice again. I would have given anything to hear you call me a Baka. Anything."

"Hey," she gave him a reassuring squeeze. "I'm okay," she said softly. He, on the other hand, was growing less and less solid. Less tangible and more and more like the distant memory he was. She rested her head against his.

I'll do my best, Naruto.

"We talked about you all the time. Hinata, Sasuke, Ino and me. We remembered you every day," he promised her as more and more of his composure came back. "Every day."

"I believe you," she smiled. "Did Ino ever marry?" She pulled back to look him in the eye. "You never mentioned it." It was painful to think of her best friend going through life alone. That was no way to live. Especially after the loss of her father and the loss of her, Sakura supposed. Ino wanted a family.

"She did," he wiped his tears with his arm, reminding her every bit of the teen she remembered. He really was the same. "She had two kids. Twins who were in my son's year." He was looking away again. "She was really happy."

"I'm glad," she smiled with genuineness. She was glad her friend found happiness with Sai. "Did Sasuke-kun?" Her eyes asked the remainder of the question she never could bring herself to.

Naruto's guilt was back tenfold. He nodded his head once, curtly as if the action physically pained him.

"Oh," she smiled tightly, covering for the pain in her heart. "Karin?" She recalled the redhead she had saved.

Naruto shook his head. He glared at the ground like it had wronged him somehow.

"I see," she masked her surprise and hurt well. She thought if Sasuke were to marry anyone other than future Sakura it would be Karin. She seemed like the only other girl he could stand being in the company of for prolonged periods of time.

"Do I know who?" She could not let this go without satiating her curiosity. She wanted to know what woman Uchiha Sasuke deemed fit enough to be his wife.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto pleaded with her. He did not want her to make him say it.

"You," she furrowed her brow. "Said that you, Hinata, Sasuke, and Ino talked about me. Every day," she reminded him firmly with sharpness in her eyes. Naruto flinched at the lack of honorific following Sasuke's name. It sounded wrong to his ears. Naked.

"Did Ino marry Sasuke?" She demanded. Everything about her screamed she would not let it go.

Naruto swallowed audibly, it was almost painful. He nodded his head with emotion she refused to read into.

"They bonded over the loss of you," Naruto winced at how it sounded, how the jumbled words came out. He should have kept his mouth closed because Sakura looked so utterly devastated.

Sakura's hands went to her stomach. She clenched her red off-the-shoulder top. She pulled it away from her body, suddenly feeling very constricted. Trapped.

"Sakura-chan-"

"Naruto," she shook her head. "What about my parents?" Her question caught him visibly off guard. "Naruto!" She snapped at him, falling very quickly into her habit of impatience. "What about my parents?"

"I-I-I," he stammered. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" She reached for his shoulders but he was fading fast. Her hands found air. "What do you mean?!"

"I only saw them at the funeral-"

She blinked. He was gone and he took any fantasies or rosy notions she had with him.

---

Light shone on shiny ebony revealing striations of teals and magentas, a striking display of color that was right there but overlooked by so many. She was unbothered by the shrill caws, beaks, and talons. She was under the impression they would not hurt her as long as she provided a benefit for them. People while considering themselves aware and evolved were not all that different from animals. At most people were one step away from regressing into a state that was not all that distinguishable from animalistic. If the basic needs were not met.

Sakura lazily threw more feed - yellow seed - from the burlap sack resting by her hip on the cold gray, weathered concrete. It was seeping her warmth as she sat cross-legged. Her pants brought some form of protection against the abrasive surface.

She had not intended to feed the crows and ravens. It had started with pigeons. Ugly. Useless. Nuisances. Annoying. More than a little dumb. They needed all the help they could get. They were never meant to survive in the wild. They were domesticated birds for a very specific purpose. A bird that was abandoned when its purpose was no longer necessary. Left to struggle on their own. She had even witnessed the journey of a pair. They met. They built a nest and had their little pigeon family. Until the children flew off, leaving just the pair once again. Just the two of them.

But one day, that changed. There was only one pigeon. And a crow. Scattered feathers revealed the missing pigeon's fate. The pigeons stopped coming and more and more crows invaded. The pigeons sat in a line on the electricity wires, in pairs. All but one. The widow or widower.

All by itself.

She had died. She was dead. It did not come quite as a shock. Some part of her had considered it. She had over a year to ruminate on all of this. Maybe it was just her fate; like her namesake to have a very short lifecycle. Maybe that was just how things were meant to be. Then and now.

She was surrounded by omens of death. On all sides and fronts: forward, backward, up, down, yesterday, today, left and right.

She had not stopped thinking ever since she saw him for the first and last time. It had been over a week and her brain had yet to shut off for a moment. Her perfect memory kept replaying the scenes, the conversation over and over again to dissect it from every possible angle so that she did not miss a drop of the nectar of knowledge he imparted.

Just how much did she not know?

The answer was too much. Even though she spent more time with her teammates than her own family, she knew very little about them. Naruto's parents were confirmed. The tragic love story, the lawful good that was his father. His biggest fear was losing his family and he sacrificed himself so he did not have to live in a world without half of it, all while leaving the burden with his son. Minato chose both. Which in her mind was not making a choice at all.

Had she been in his place, she would have burned the world for them. For Naruto and Kushina. She would have let Konoha burn. She supposed she was not too different from Obito in that regard. She understood his motivations. And that did not scare her as much as it should have.

One conversation reframed her whole lens through which she saw her memories - what future Sakura believed to be true. The Akatsuki, Konoha, the Hokages, the Bijuu, and their hosts, nothing was black and white like it had been in her mind. The world was painted in shades of gray. She was a fool. Then and now. An ignorant fool who did not understand the world she was in. Not even remotely.

Ino and Sasuke.

Her best friend with the only person future Sakura loved. And here she thought she was the only one other than Naruto and Kakashi-Sensei who understood him. Of course, not. Ino was a mental health expert. She could help Sasuke in a capacity she never could.

She had no right to feel betrayed. Unless she did? Did she? Ino was the same one who voted to kill him with the rest of Konoha Eleven, minus Naruto. But she too had stood in front of him with a poisonous kunai. Could she judge them for how things played out? She died. Did she really expect Sasuke to be loyal to her? Loyal to the idea of her?

Did she expect him to do the same thing she would have? Because she knew in her bones if Sasuke was the one to die she would have never let another touch her. Because future Sakura was his and only his. She had given him her heart and it did not matter if he wanted it or not. It was his.

But he was never hers. That was clear to her now. Painfully clear. Sasuke was never going to pick her. He had other options. No shortage of options. He had a clan he needed to save off from dying after all. What they felt - if he held anything for her at all even - was not equal. She fell completely. He had to do none of the work. He just had to come back and she would have accepted whatever he spared. She never would have asked for anything. She would have set herself on fire and he would not have needed to ask. He never needed to ask.

Did they really know each other at all? Did they really understand what was in the other's heart? Was that even possible when all his heart contained was a brokenness so profound, that concentrated into poison? Was it really real even if everything was pointing to the contrary?

Did she like him? Or did she just like the idea of him? Did she like him at all even? She loved him. She knew that. She waited for him and she would have continued to have for him her whole life if she had to.

Two years.

He did not even wait two years. He married at nineteen. Ino was pregnant at nineteen. They had their children at twenty. Just like everyone else. They named one of their twins, their daughter Sakura. They probably thought they were honoring her.

It was a slap in the face.

She and Sasuke were not the same. She was not the same. Such was the blessing of perspective. She had more of it now. She lived two lives. She outlived her future self. But she was still a child in many ways. And she need not look any further than her display with Naruto. She let him leave with her final words to him - ever - being those of anger. She had yelled at him. She had been demanding. She had made more use of her angry, angry volatile mouth than her ears. She may be older but she had much growing to do still.

All the while he trusted her with his hopes. He trusted her. And she spat in his face. She could not help but wonder if he regretted it at that moment. If she made him regret his decision to pick her.

I'm sorry, Naruto. I haven't changed. I'm still the girl that leads with her emotions. React first and think later. And you're still the one paying for it.

She had no right to feel the way she did. Neji died. Had she lived, she would have lived her life. Yes, every year she would go visit him at the marker. Maybe she would even leave flowers. Maybe she would shed a tear or two. But it would all be an act to make herself feel better. To appear more sympathetic than she was. Because Neji dying while sad did not impact her life all that much. Her whole world was still whole: Naruto, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, Kakashi-Sensei, Tsunade-shishou, Shizune-Sempai, Lee-san, and of course, Sasuke-kun. She would have been fine. She would have lived her life happily.

So why was it such a shock that her friends did the same? They moved on and grew. They lived full lives. Was she really so selfish that she wanted them to suffer? Did she want Sasuke to pine after her for the rest of his life? Waiting for the day they were reunited? He was a God for Kami's sake. And as shocking as that was, perhaps the biggest shock was that reincarnation was real. And he had the choice to opt out of the cycle of birth and rebirth for his part in saving the world. Did she really want him to forgo peace for a girl who did not even know what happened to his clan and the extent of the damage done to his psyche by his own brother? What did she expect from him?

For him to spend the rest of his years in the same way since the day his family was massacred? Was she truly such a heartless monster? Is that who she had become?

Sakura's glazed-over eyes were unaware of the number of crows and ravens at her feet. All she knew was when they got too loud and she could not hear herself think, she needed to throw more offerings to appease them. Because for whatever reason they did not attack the open bag that was right next to her. They waited.

Her parents. They lost everything in that war. They lost her. And the ones she died for could not even bother to check in on them. And she had no right to feel bitter because she made her choice and she could not force them to do something they did not want to. But she was hurt. Deeply hurt that they had forgotten her parents.

But so did I.

She never mentioned her parents to her team unless it was to complain about them. Naruto met them all but once in all the years, she knew him. The number was even less for Kaka-Sensei, Sasuke, and Sai. She was the one who set the precedent. Future Sakura did. And no amount of going through her memories with a fine comb made of her longing and sentimentalism could change that.

But maybe it was a moot point because her flurry of thoughts always led her back to the same place. Naruto had said something in passing, hidden in the word vomit he deposited in her lap for her to untangle and make heads or tails of. Thankfully she had nearly a whole lifetime developing skills at deciphering his speech.

There can only be one.

It was an official unofficial deadline. She had to save Naruto before she was born otherwise she was stuck. The thing that made her who she was - not her face, body, eye or hair color, gender, but her soul - needed to be released before Haruno Sakura drew her first breath. Sakura-No-Last-Name needed to die for Haruno Sakura to live. Because she refused to spend the rest of her days as this, this person. This person she did not know or recognize.

Because they might have forgotten about her and moved on but she could not. She could not live with herself if she became the person who could move on from them. She was nothing without them. She would never be at peace without them.

And here lies the complication: she was older than Naruto. She was born at the end of March to his October of the same year. She needed to delay her conception without threatening. All while completing her mission. Because that was what it was. It was her promise of a lifetime and she intended to return the favor.

A traitor, a snake, and a man obsessed with both. She compiled her mental list. Sakura reached for her thigh holster. Her fingers curled around the hilt of her kunai. She inhaled and brought it to her neck. She reached up over her head. With an exhale she sliced it through her hair. She regarded her ponytail in her hand just as the shorter locks curled around her neck, some danced in her peripherals. The elastic that had held her hair up slid down her back, falling haplessly to the ground, discarded. Sakura watched as the wind carried away her pink strands with determined eyes.

She was no longer trapped in duality.

---

She could see the map of every wrinkle before it formed. The differences were stark. Sarutobi Hiruzen wore the effects of his Kageship on his face; there was no question about it. The Yondaime's death aged him rapidly. The smoke from his pipe perched at the edge of his mouth tickled her nose. She was hypersensitive to the smell after working in such sterile smoke-free environments. She smelled the smoke before she had even climbed up the stairs. Tsume would be proud if they were still on good terms.

"Just so I understand," the Hokage leaned back in his chair slowly. The conversation she brought to him unexpectedly seemed to sap the energy right out of him. "You are making your interest in joining ANBU known?"

She nodded her head. She did not miss the way his eyes darted to her considerably shorter hair.

"I am declaring it."

"Declaring it," his lips twitched up before down, indecisive of what to do with that information. "What of the hospital?"

"I will pick up shifts in between missions. My time management skills are impeccable." She was not one to toot her own horn usually but there was an exception to every rule and right now was the case. She wanted something. It did not hurt to remind him of her competence.

"I cannot argue with that," Hiruzen rubbed his eyes tiredly. She could see the signs of multiple nights gone with little to no sleep. "Speaking of missions," he frowned as his brain and thoughts aligned. "You are well below the threshold to be considered."

Has he gone senile already?

"Hence the request for more missions, Hokage-sama," she did not allow her impatience to reflect on her person in any way. He was testing her. She could see that.

"Your rank is also a factor," he shook his head. "You opted out of taking the Jonin exams with most of your class last year," his voice contained colors of judgment. "I can only offer you missions of C-Rank or B-Rank at the highest. A-Ranks can come your way if you work in squads but you requested solo missions."

"I work best alone," she tried not to fidget. It helped that her arms were behind her back. She clenched her hands.

"You're a medic," he set his pipe down on his desk and brought his fingers together to form a bridge. "It is highly unusual for a medic to go on missions alone unless they are of a certain nature. Good-will mission and that will not get ANBU to notice you."

"I am not your typical medic," her expression remained neutral despite the heat in her belly. She did not expect this level of resistance. She did not expect to be pigeonholed by the man who taught the best medic in the world. "If you have reservations about my skill, Hokage-sama, I will do the work to put them at ease. I am prepared for it."

Consider that old man. She knows things.

Archaic rules were still on the books and all. She had rights. And she was going to exercise them.

A brown brow was raised somewhere between surprise and scrutiny. "You are willing to submit to an evaluation?"

"I know it's not typical," she sighed because nothing about her situation was. "I humbly ask you to consider it. Please allow me to show you I am ready."

She could see him mull it over in his head. She felt the beginnings of hope rise in her at the flicker of something across his eyes. It was fleeting but it had been there.

"Await word."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." She bowed deeply at the hip. Her hair fell around her like a curtain, cutting off at her chin.

---

The summon came not even five whole days later in the form of a bird tapping on her window. She had hastily thrown on clothes, secured her hip pouch, - which had been prepared before she even went to his office with her request - and washed her face as was out the door without delay. She ran her fingers through her hair as she moved briskly across the rooftops. She remembered why she favored short hair over long. It was so much easier to manage.

She took the steps of the Tower two at a time. She nodded to the Hokage's assistant before knocking on the door. She waited for an acknowledgment before stepping through. She would be lying if she said her heart was not beating a little bit faster than normal - it had nothing to do with her journey here.

"Hokage-sama," she bowed with her hands clasped together in her front. She lifted her head after deeming it was polite enough to do so.

"Sakura," his face was stony. Serious. "Your examination will be held today."

She opened her mouth to ask who would be her proctor but the soft knock on the door had her closing it quickly. She half turned so that she could see who it was while being mindful of not presenting her back to the Hokage in an accidental display of disrespect. At the sight of a familiar head, she felt her insides freeze.

"You wanted to see me, Hokage-sama?" The voice rasped out slowly. His eyes flickered to her before settling on the Hokage.

Hiruzen lips pressed together. "Meet you, proctor, Sakura."

Fuck.

That was the first thought that came to mind. The second and third that followed were just as unproductive.

xXx

She pressed her fingers against the bark of the tree, panting heavily as her right hand hovered over her side. Her eyes scanned the surroundings for any signs of him while chakra worked to knit together the skin.

This would be a lot easier if I could just use the seal.

But that would raise too many questions and she had quite the audience - because nothing could be kept hidden forever. She did not want to reveal all her cards at once even if her opponent outmatched her in every way.

It doesn't look like he infused any poison in his attacks just yet.

You're not the only one holding severely back.

Sakura huffed through her nose. She remained in a crouched position trying to sense him all the while knowing she was wasting time. Her short hair clung to her neck reminding her just of one of the biggest drawbacks of short hair. It was always there.

She reached into her pouch and pulled out a scroll labeled with the character for water. She opened it quickly, laying it on the ground. The objective was clear in her mind. She did not need to win. She was not expected to win. She just had to last long enough to show her skill without it coming across as spamming an arsenal of jutsu. She did not need many. Just a few at the right key moments.

Sakura's hands moved through familiar signs. The second layer of genjutsu was activated. She hoped that was enough to at least slow him down. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She jumped back just in time to avoid the snake that appeared out of the tree. The snake opened his mouth. Acid corroded her scroll into nothing. She watched it turn into a face she hated.

"Are you just going to play the game of rat and snake, little kunoichi?" Orochimaru's smirk was higher on the right side. "Do you think I will grow bored and just pass you?"

"I'm no rat," she hissed with very real animosity. Her emerald eyes spat fire at him.

He chuckled. "If only your battle strategy had half the moxie you do," he taunted in a smooth voice. "I would be having more fun."

She smirked. "Careful what you wish for, Orochimaru-sama," she vanished.

Just a little more.

She reappeared in the middle of the craters she had created with her own hand. Right out in the open for all the eyes to see she made three seals: Tiger, Dog, and Snake. The ground rose. A brown blob slowly transformed into another of her.

"Interesting use of a clone," he noted with a slight frown. "Too bad I saw you make it." He moved.

Sakura grinned. "You took away my water. I'll just have to make more." Her hand held the Dog seal. The clone mimicked her. "Water Release: Grude Rain!" She shouted.

Orochimaru sailed through the illusion of her and the clone, several tens of meters away from the real one. "What?" He narrowed his yellow eyes. Water landed on his pale cheek. The first drop of rain to fall.

xXx

"She's using a jutsu that usually takes four - at the minimum of two - on her own," Minato noted with surprise.

"Curious," Hiruzen rubbed his goatee between his index and thumb. "What will you do now, Sakura-chan?"

The blond heard the Hokage but his eyes never left the pinkette who was still in the middle of the field, a dark purple cloud hanging over them.

xXx

Orochimaru looked at his hands. "You're absorbing my chakra," he stated impassively.

"Seems only fitting," she frowned. "Since I used up a lot for this jutsu."

"You're trying to level the field," he noted. His reserves were much higher than hers. "Impressive," his face conveyed everything but. "A B-Rank jutsu that requires at least two to pull off. Your clone was not to attack or for defense but to help you funnel your chakra giving the illusion of two distinct casters."

Sakura bit her cheek to keep a growl of frustration inside. He did not look concerned, not even remotely.

"And you layered a genjutsu on top of it so that you have enough time to pull it off," Orochimaru continued to almost drone on.

"I was under the impression my assessment came after the evaluation," she hid her unease behind her bravado.

"I can multitask and if you are to be a Jonin of the Leaf you must be able to as well," he fell into a stance. "Now, you have all this water. What do you plan to do with it?"

"What makes you think I'm not already doing something?" She challenged.

Orochimaru looked around. She was alone.

"Water Release: Tornado of Water!" The clone roared.

Orochimaru turned his head to see just that coming towards him at blinding speed. His hands moved.

Sakura did not fall for the replacement technique. She phased, appearing on top of him, her heel coming straight down for his head. He held out his right arm. She saw snakes dart out of it. In the blink of an eye, it was long enough to reach behind her. She hissed as the fangs dug into her exposed shoulder. She landed painfully on her knees, a crater forming. Orochimaru used his snakes to get him to safety from the considerable aftershock of her attack.

xXx

"There was poison in that last attack," Tsume crossed her arms and tutted. "Strong, she won't be on her feet for long," Korumaru whined loudly at her hip.

"It's over," Minato's stomach sank. She had lasted minutes longer than most would have guessed. But it was too tall a task.

"Better luck next year," Hizashi said tightly. And as if on cue, the rain cloud dispersed and it stopped raining.

The three of them could not help but think that she would have been promoted if she had just taken the exam with the majority of what had been their graduating class.

"Show's over folks," a Jonin they knew in passing said as he brought his hands behind his head, he wore a look of being unimpressed. "I thought a student of a Legendary Sanin would have put up more of a fight." He spat on the ground. "I lost a lot of money betting on the underdog."

Minato's jaw clenched as his eyes lightened to that of ice. Before Tsume could pounce on the man - because her body language was saying she was a hair's width away from doing so - Hizashi spoke up.

"She's getting up!" His bloodline was activated.

Minato snapped his head back to the grounds. Sure enough, she was on her feet - shaky- but on them. He ignored the murmurs and exclamations all around him. He watched her with narrowed eyes.

xXx

"You seem to be a little more sturdy than I gave you credit for," Orochimaru held his chin. "Tsunade must be so proud."

Sakura growled. The need to rip off his headband and shove it down his throat was growing by the second.

"You're on your feet. What else can you do?" He asked her with a smile that had her skin crawling.

Sakura inhaled. "This," she flashed. Her teeth were clenched and she launched a barrage of attacks. He dodged, ducked, and countered each one.

Just one hit!

Her eyes were wild. Her anger was getting the best of her. They were a blur of limbs. At some point, Orochimaru did more than block. She had to alternate between dodging and striking.

"You immunized yourself against poison."

She smirked at the slight change in his breathing. It was small but it brought her immense satisfaction. She had. She was immune to all the known bases of poisons that could be developed in Fire. Even the ones he liked to use. Future Sakura really looked out for her by researching them. She had worked with Shizune to have cures for them all. And all the knowledge was at her disposal now.

Just as all the training with Hizashi and Tsunade was paying off. She did not think her body could take even more poison. She needed to not let him strike her again with it. It would be over for real. The poison would not kill her but she was not completely above its effects muted or not. The heaviness was felt in her limbs but kept at bay by her ambition and adrenaline. The crash would be hard and brutal but she was determined to make it worth it.

Sakura ducked down to avoid a kick. Her hands moved: Tiger. Water shot out from the puddles in the ground.

"Water Release: Water Fang Bullet!" She bellowed.

Orochimaru darted backward, arms up around his head to protect against the barrage of bullets.

She did not wait to press her advantage Sakura charged after him.

xXx

Tsume's eyes were big enough to fall out of their sockets. "Di…did she just rip off his arm?" She asked in a tone that was torn between being horrified and proud.

"His snakes," Hizashi corrected.

There was a low whistle from up above, Inoichi's leg dangled from the tree. "Sakura is a monster."

Minato disagreed. Sakura was brutal. He saw the beauty in her brutality.

xXx

Orochimaru panted. His face was starting to peel.

I can't believe the bastard is still standing! We got him point blank.

If he was anything else - anyone else - she would have killed him ten times over. There was enough chakra in that last blow to tank a low-level Beast Bomb. She was sure of it. The amount of abuse his snake skin was withstanding was nothing short of impressive. She needed more destructive power before he shed it for another in a replacement technique that was grotesque - than she could justify to the clueless.

Sakura brought her hands together in a single seal: Snake. The irony was not lost on her. "Earth Release: Earth Spear," she said between haggard breaths. Her right arm became coated in mud before it hardened to the consistency of diamonds. She did not have enough chakra for it to be responsible for coating both arms. The great weight difference made it awkward but she pressed forward.

She could see the whites of his eyes when he opened his mouth, unhinging his jaw lower than what was natural. She covered herself with her arms. She screamed as acid hit her point blank.

Keep going! Inner roared.

So close!

Sakura's teeth crunched together as she withstood the burning and peeling of her skin. She pulled her arm back and swung. A sickening crunch echoed in the training ground seconds before the birds flew from their roosts.

xXx

His stomach was in his toes. "Hokage-sama," his cobalt eyes were swimming with emotion. "You have to stop this."

"Neither of them have given the signal," Hiruzen said without moving his lips.

"She's lost half her skin!" He sounded close to coming undone. "Has she not done enough?"

Had she not shown him enough? Why was he letting it get so out of hand?

The Hokage did not answer and Minato felt something in him break the moment realization dawned on him.

He's making an example of her.

So no one would ever be foolish enough to invoke what Sakura did. Sarutobi was setting fire to the bridge while she was still standing on it.

xXx

"Y-y-yield," Orochimaru leaned forward heavily.

"You first," she spat on the ground. There was blood in the spit. The fangs in her neck severely impacted her ability to move. That and the hand through her side, his hand. She squeezed his neck weakly, if only she had enough chakra to send a jolt of electricity down his spinal column to stop his heart right here and now. She was tempted. But his poison in her system rendered her chakra unusable. And she had a considerably larger audience now.

He was not her priority. Not right now.

"You will die if you do not purge the venom from your system in the next ten minutes," he warned her. His sweat burned the fourth layer of her skin. The first three were completely gone. She was but a red mass. Even the air stung painfully. She was aware of every receptor.

"Then you better make it quick," she snarled. He held back until it became clear she was not just a paper kunoichi. But it was too late. His misjudgment cost him. But she was in the same boat because she had to hold back. At eighteen Sakura was stronger than she had been at seventeen. She owed her former team and Minato a thank-you gift basket for pushing her to train.

He pulled his arm back unceremoniously. She stumbled as more of her blood flowed like rivers out of her. Her legs locked up. The snake that was latched onto her neck released his fangs from her skin.

"It's over," he rasped as he completely moved back.

Wonder if ANBU will notice me now.

She thought dryly just as her world faded to black.

xXx

He caught her. She was red and pink. Raw and bloody. He pulled her to his chest, his eyes held distress that her current state caused him. Her blood seeped into his standard Jonin flak jacket and blues. He could not fathom what led her to push herself to such extremes - the very sudden change of heart.

Minato closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose. The rise and fall of her chest was all the reassurance he needed that she was alive. He ignored the gasps of shock and the papers that fluttered at his sudden appearance in the hospital. His eyes landed on a shocked-in-place face.

"I need a medic," he demanded in a controlled calm. His emotions were pushed down and repressed. Only his cold eyes betrayed his fury. Ice. it fortified his white-knuckle grip on his control.

He watched the man stumble and trip as he rounded the desk. He followed his frantic and hurried movements without effort. Sakura did not stir in his arms. She was not jostled in any way to aggravate her injuries. His hands only touched her clothes and not the places where her skin was corroded by acid. The visuals, the sounds, the smell. His stomach turned demanding he empty its contents violently and suddenly but he swallowed it back.

He lowered her onto the cot, ignoring the way her soft tissue peeled away. Sticking to his clothing like a tacky substance. He would have thrown up all over her if he was a lesser man. Instead, he inhaled through his mouth shakily and settled into the chair by the wall as four more arms came to surround her. The man with thick black glasses looked at him in question. The look on Mianto's face dared him to ask him to leave. The man gulped before returning his attention back to Sakura. Minato crossed his arms over his chest just as the nurse began to cut away her clothes. Minato bowed his head and glared at the ground so that he would not see what she would not want him to. He leaned his forearms on his thighs and brought his hands together. He was not sure if in anger or prayer. Maybe it did not matter. His right foot moved up and down as he thought.

The medic furrowed his brow. Her injuries were less extensive than the damage left behind had indicated. He could even see the places where the new skin was pink and not red. He was jostled by a nurse who moved him to put an IV in her arm. The medic began to bark out orders as he abandoned trying to find sense where there was none.

xXx

She wrinkled her nose. A stuffy plastic smell was making everything rather unpleasant. Sakura's hand moved up to clear away the obstruction. She could feel the hard plastic against her face. Her eyes peeled open when instead of hard, cold plastic, her hand was wrapped by something warm, calloused, and hard in a completely different way. She rolled her eyes to the heavens - the bright, harsh fluorescent canned lights of the ceiling, and groaned.

"The mask stays on," Minato ordered.

She rolled her eyes in response. "I can breathe just fine," she huffed. Her words fogged up the plastic.

"That mask has been breathing for you for the past four days, another four hours won't kill you," he countered coolly, somehow making sense of her muffled, nasally-sounding words.

"Four days?" She asked in shock. Her voice was small. Her arms and fingers were tight. She frowned when her eyes darted to the left. He was still holding her hand up. Her fingers were wrapped in tape.

"You've been in a medically induced coma," he enlightened her without warmth. He lowered her arm back down to the bed, gently in pure contrast to his tone and features. "For the pain."

Pain?

I had to use the Creation Rebirth, subtly. I was healing you before you arrived at the hospital.

The seal? She could hear the panic in her thoughts.

Genjutsu. Inner explained calmly. It looks like the bridge is still there, the one Inoichi built. I can still access your chakra.

Kami.

She wanted to pinch the bridge of her nose. But that was out of the question with Minato watching her like a mother hawk. His lips were moving but she paid him no mind. There was only one conversation she wanted to have right now.

How was he?

Messed up. Inner's smirk was audible.

Sakura mentally sighed.

I wonder if we did enough. We got a bit reckless towards the middle and end. That could really hurt our chances. I wasn't in control.

The Bastard put you up against Orochi-fucking-maru, how were you supposed to ever be in control?

She did not have an answer. The Hokage set her up for failure even if he did not know her history with Orochimaru. But the question was why.

He probably wants you close so you can heal.

She scoffed.

He called me a medic.

He doesn't know you. He doesn't know what you can do. You're a kunoichi, Sakura. And you proved it.

"Sakura," he said her name sharply in his exasperation.

She blinked slowly as his face came into focus. She raised a brow.

"You don't have anything to add?" He asked her testily in clear annoyance that his lecture had no effect on her. Maybe it would have, if she heard a word he said.

She shivered at the coldness he was exuding. She raised her hand and pulled down her oxygen mask.

"Did I pass?"

The profound disappointment that dominated his features was almost as painful as taking acid point-blank to the chest. Almost. Her newly healed skin pricked. She wanted to rip off her bandages to see if she was scarred but then she would be quite naked and that was problematic considering how the blond was right there. She did not think he would be leaving anytime soon. Minato did not look like he had left her room to do anything other than shower. Because he still smelled so damn good.

"Namikaze," she demanded in a hoarse voice. "Did I pass?"

His jaw was set in a line sharp enough to cut her to the bone. His eyes were as volatile as the choppy sea. He recalled the tension in the air when the Hokage and her proctor - hobbled, and leaning heavily on a crutch, bandaged - had come into the room hours ago. Maybe as many as eighteen. He did not even pause to think. His body had come to stand at the foot of her bed, shielding her from the man's yellow-eyed gaze.

The way he looked at her had made Minato's skin crawl. Like she was something to be studied. Like she was a specimen. Completely dehumanized. The gleam in Orochimaru's eyes had been so unsettling that the fine blond hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. For the first time, Minato was unnerved by the black-haired Sannin.

"You passed," he said in one tight breath.

We passed!

She closed her eyes and promptly fell back asleep with a smile on her face that basked in the heat of her triumph that it melted some of his ice. Minato sighed as he moved to put her oxygen mask on her face but not before caressing the indentations around her nose and mouth left behind by the hard, uncomfortable material of the mask. Her lips twitched slightly at his touch. A content sigh left her lips, which caused his own to pull into a soft smile.

He lowered himself into the chair, pulling it closer to her bedside. His fingers itched to hold her hand in his. Instead, he dug them into his kneecaps, until all the bones hurt. He watched her breathe. It was the only reprieve he had for the pain his memories brought him.

She was alive. But at the rate this was going, he was not sure how much longer before she became the death of him.

---

A/N: Please review.