Butcher
Usually I'm all for going after any lead for dirt on a supe. But even for me, this is a bit too risky.
We don't know nearly enough about the bloke to even try a stunt like this. I sound like a broken record, but I cannot stress enough that I think that the lad was recruited into the Seven as a weapon against Homelander.
If Vought thinks he's that strong, then there's no telling how much of a target we might paint on our backs.
I can't believe I let MM talk me into this. Sure, it may not be the kid's family, but he clearly cares about this girl. I mean, it's clearly the girl in the background of that video. Down to the same bleedin' outfit.
If she went all the way up to New York for his debut, because I'm assuming that's the reason, then he cares quite a bit for this girl.
And the last thing we need is for the fucking Juggernaut coming down on our heads.
The moment the bloody question leaves MM's lips, the girl's expression grows concerned and weary.
"Um… can I ask why?" Madison here asks us in response to the question about her boyfriend, looking between both MM and myself. "Is he in trouble?"
I can't help but to snort at the question. He's a fucking supe. Cunt's never gonna be in any trouble.
"That's what we'd like to know." MM says, using the sympathetic tone he does to put people at ease. "Can we come inside? This isn't a conversation we should have on the street, Miss Thompson."
Little Maddie looks at both of us for a moment, looking even more weary than before. Hell, can't say I blame her. Two nasty looking blokes turn up at your door and ask questions about your boyfriend? Anyone with any working brain would be more than cautious.
"Can you at least tell me what it's about first?' The girl asks, avoiding eye-contact with me and looking MM in the eye. "My parents aren't home, and I honestly don't feel comfortable letting you two inside until I know why you're at my door."
At that one, MM looks like he's at a loss.
He can't seriously not have an excuse lined up for that one.
Well… maybe this is a chance to give the girl some more sense than she might already have.
"It's about Vought, sweetheart." I say, stepping past MM until I'm only two feet away from the girl as I give her my trademark grin. "You see, me and MM here are a part of a specific group in the CIA. We deal with superheroes. When they get out of line."
At that, the girl's eyes widen in complete surprise, and after a few moments she lets out a sigh and opens up the door.
I give her a nod and step inside, MM coming up behind me as I take a look around in the place.
I can't help the way my nose scrunches up disgust when the very unpleasant and unfortunately familiar smell of meth enters me nose.
Frenchie's dabbled in that before.
"Why the hell does it smell like meth in here?" MM asks as his face scrunches in disgust at the smell when it enters his own nose.
"You can thank my dad for that." Madison says as she closes the door, looking both disgusted and irritated as she says it. "Well, both my parents really. But my mom tries to be somewhat stable."
It's an off-handed remark, but it tells me a lot more about the girl than I thought it would.
"So, what's going on with John?" She asks as she turns around, moving past as she takes a seat on a couch, looking up at us with an expectant expression.
"Well, that's what we're here to find out." MM says as he takes a seat in a recliner sitting on the far side. I decide to just stand. The sooner we get this done, the better. "What can you tell us about John?"
The girl once again looks between the both of us, and it's starting to get on my nerves. Just answer the damn question you dumb cunt.
"Um… I've known him all my life." She answers with a shrug, looking like she's not sure if that's what we're looking for. Guess what, it's not. Not what I'm looking for at least. "He's… he's an honest guy. He's always willing to help, and he doesn't deal with bullshit very well. And… even before he got his powers, he was always tough."
"What did he do after he got his powers?" MM asks once more.
The girl's face falls for a moment, bringing her arms closer to hug herself as what I'm guessing is a bad memory enters her head.
"He… he tries to cope by acting like it doesn't affect him." Madison answers, looking at MM with a face filled with guilt. "His abduction, I mean. I'm assuming you know about that."
"Of course." MM nods his head, assuring her that we do know quite well about that.
"He refused to keep it a secret from his loved ones, and started going back to school almost immediately. And then he ended up…" The girl trails off, suddenly going quiet, a look of realization on her face. Like she's wondering if she may have just said something she wasn't supposed too.
"Ended up… what?" The way I say it makes it perfectly clear that I'm not in the mood for any bollocks. I can't say it enough. I do not want to be here.
The girl looks at me with a weariness that I don't blame her nor do I care for, while MM shoots me a glare, silently telling me to be nice.
Sorry, mate. Not my style.
After a moment, the girl sighs and looks back at MM. "I'm not really allowed to say. Believe it or not, CIA orders. All I can really say is that he joined a group of superhumans to help people."
"Superhumans?" MM asks, brow furrowing at that. Because that's the second time that we've heard 'Superhuman' instead of 'Superhero'.
Madison nods her head. "It made him feel better, though I didn't agree with it at first. Honestly, I still don't, but I support him anyway. I learned my lesson. I was done with him until he nearly got killed."
Bingo.
"Nearly got killed?" I can't help but to say, and though it sounds sarcastic, the surprise and interest is very much real as both of them turn to me. "The Juggernaut? How the hell did that happen?"
The girl stares at me for a moment, clearly not comfortable with the question, and she lets out a sigh. "There was… there was this guy. Jason. He was responsible for his death, and he played me like a violin. I would be dead if it weren't for John. But… Jason had friends."
"And where are these friends now?" I press. Any possible weakness we have for the Juggernaut is a step in the right direction.
"One's paralyzed from the neck down and the other's burnt to dust." She answers without any hesitation. "Jack, he could control water to a terrifying degree. John had already beaten Jason down, and if Jack hadn't shown up… well, I might be dead, but so would Jason."
It looks like every word coming out of her mouth is too hard for her to talk about, and I honestly don't care for any of that sort of bollocks right now. I want the answer I'm looking for, or I'm gonna jump this table and strangle this girl.
"How did John get hurt?" MM asks in a more gentle tone. "If there's someone out there that can harm The Juggernaut, and he's a threat, we need to put a stop to it."
Not untrue, but still not what I'm-
"As strong as John is, he still needs air." Madison answers before I can finish the thought, turning to look at MM. "He still needs to breath. He can still drown." She explains.
Finally, some progress.
So, the lad still needs air, huh? We might be able to work with that. If we can find a way to chain him to the bottom of the ocean.
Still that's some progress. It means that if we can find a way to trap him in smoke long enough, we might be able to render him unconscious.
"Granted, he can hold his breath and a lot more air than normal humans can." Madison goes back to speaking once more, stopping my thoughts from going any further for the moment. "But when you got a guy who can create water out of thin air and will it directly into your lungs… they'll flood pretty fast. And no matter how much air he can hold in his lungs, his lungs aren't any bigger than a normal human his size."
Okay… that's something to work with. And that's enough for-
"What does this have to do with Vought?" Madison suddenly speaks up, throwing me from my thoughts once more. This time, she's facing me. "Is John in some kind of trouble?"
I can't help but to grin once more. "Maybe, that depends on him. The reason we exist is to spank supes when they get out of line." Even though we were once official, that's the reason we exist all the same. "The shit they can get up too behind closed doors… fucking diabolical."
At that, the girl narrows her eyes, and I can't help the honest surprise in me when she gives me one of the nastiest glares I've ever seen.
"Are you telling me that you think John's a criminal?"
"No, we're not-"
"Never know, love." I interrupt MM with that same grin. I'll say this, I like the spunk of this girl. I'll give her that.
"Considering he nearly got himself killed saving lives and I and countless other people have known him his whole life, forgive me for disagreeing." She says, standing to her feet and walking around the table as she points a finger at MM. "Him, I trust. But you?" Her finger suddenly comes up to inches of my face. "You focused on the fact John was nearly killed, you've looked angry the entire time you've been here, and the few times you have spoken have show that you're a jackass."
I take it back. I don't like this girl one bit.
"You want to rethink getting this close to me?"
"Touch me and you will have an entire horde of superhumans coming after you."
Normally, threats like this would make me angry, or make me laugh.
Except… this girl is dead serious. Not that she truly believes it.
It's that she knows it.
"Something happens to me, John will not be the only superhuman coming after you. Two other close friends and the entire group they're with, which consists of an entire organization, will be gunning for you."
I hold the girl's stare for a moment, and despite the fact that she's a full head shorter and over a hundred pounds lighter…
She doesn't flinch one bit.
So, she was weary. But she wasn't afraid.
"But I'm not gonna pretend that you had no reason for coming here. If Vought's involved, it explains why you were at the Expo."
What the- how does she know that?!
"How the bloody hell do you-"
"I was right there with John when you went off on your tangent with the priest." This girl interrupts me before I can even finish speaking, and I gotta say. She's getting on my nerves more and more. "God's a world heavyweight cunt, remember?"
"And that's why we don't draw attention to ourselves, Butcher." MM stands to his feet, glaring at me as well as he says it, before looking at the girl. "But did you really recognize that easily?"
"Not until this one spoke." Madison says, nodding towards me. "All I have to say to you," She speaks to me once more. "Is that I'm done letting people intimidate me. So I don't care if you are with the CIA, or what you can do to me. I'm not scared of you."
I can't help the growl that escapes my throat when she says it, and I'm about to seconds away from throttling the little cunt.
But one look from MM and the sound of him clearing his throat tells me to back off.
So, with a sigh of frustration, I back off.
"Alright love."
"Don't call me that."
She's got spirit in spades at least.
"So, what's wrong with Vought?" Madison asks once again, turning to look at MM. "Is John in any danger?"
MM looks at the girl for a moment, before shaking her head. "Not that we're aware of. The thing is, John doesn't fit the same profile and background as most superheroes do. Of the superheroes we know of, The Juggernaut's the only one who's abilities didn't develop at a later age."
"And is there anything else?"
Blimey, how is it that a fifteen-year-old girl has taken control of this conversation?
"Nothing that we can tell you at the moment." MM tells her with a sigh. "What we do have is very dangerous information, and I don't care how confident you are, Vought won't hesitate to make you a target."
"So all you can tell me is that John's an anomaly?" The girl looks at MM with a baffled gaze, that spirals into frustration. "How does John not line up? Superhumans get their powers due to immense stress or trauma. I've seen the research for myself when John joined his first group! How is he an outlier?!" Her voice grows louder and angrier with every word she speaks.
For a moment, things go silent. Like she's waiting on one of us to answer.
Before MM sighs.
"Look, things go well, we'll gladly tell you why he's an anomaly." MM says, clearly at his own wits end as well. Though, more with the girl's questions than her attitude, like I am. "But I'm not putting the life of a teenager at risk because she's curious and worried. All I'll tell you is that supes aren't made like you, or maybe John himself have been told."
"But-!"
"That's enough, you bloody cunt!" I finally snap, done and finished with holding myself in. I'm moments away from throttling this girl as I speak my mind. "We're done, we got what we came for! You aren't entitled to know anything else! You're so curious? Ask your bloody boyfriend for answers, whether he knows more or not, at least he'd be willing to tell you."
The girl spins on me, ready to say something, but I raise a hand and shut her right quick.
"No, nothing more to be heard or said! Stuff it and shut it!" I turn to look at MM, and I make it very clear that I'm done with this charade. "MM, we're done, let's go." I say as I begin making my way to the door.
MM looks at me for a moment, before sighing and looking at the bloody girl. "We apologize for the inconvenience-"
"No we bloody don't!" I interrupt with even looking as I throw open the door. "Fucking girl's lucky I didn't smash her skull off the bloody table, now let's go!"
And with that, I take my leave and walk out to the van.
By the time MM comes out, I'm already in the driver's seat and I've been waiting some odd minutes, so clearly he's trying to smooth things over with the broad. If he were any slower, I'd have taken her out of the equation entirely.
"Thanks, Butcher." MM says quietly in a sarcastic tone as climbs into his seat.
"I told you, MM, this was a bad-"
"Just fucking drive, man. You've caused enough trouble for now."
Ah, so threatening the girl hit a sore with MM.
"Oh come off it, MM." I say with a roll of my eyes as I start up the engine. "You knew I didn't like this, and you knew exactly why we were here." I say as I put the van in drive.
"I knew why I was here, and I knew why you were." MM says, still refusing to look at me. "Regardless of whether we went in or not, there is no we in this situation."
I roll my eyes at that, but stay silent.
Last thing we need is an argument in the middle of the bloody road. Then it'd take even longer to get back to New York.
Still, we got what we came here for, at least. We have a weakness for the Juggernaut for when the time comes to bring him down.
And that's all that matters to me.
John
Well… Despite everything on my mind, I still decided to do what I intended too.
Thanks to video games, I have a bit of an idea about Manhattan's layout. I know enough to know that the tower is in Midtown, so I figure it won't hurt to get a little more familiar with this section first.
Although, I will say that walking the streets of New York is nothing like Portsmouth.
Hustle and bustle, and a lot of it in broad daylight. In Portsmouth, you'd be hard pressed to find someone walking the streets. In the middle of the night, I wish you even more luck.
But here… well, games and media don't lie. It's fucking insane how different it is. So many people, cars going by… you hear some honking every couple of seconds from blocks away.
I'm glad I made sure I didn't have to wear some spandex suit ninety percent of the time. Regardless of how iconic they might make my outfit, it's an outfit people wear every day. And with how busy just about every person I've passed by looked, I doubt they're paying enough attention to recognize that the Juggernaut is walking right among them.
Good. Last thing I want is to get badgered trying to mind my own business.
Now, first thing's first… where to actually go?
I've kind of just been walking around the nearby area of the tower, trying to get a little more familiar with the surrounding area before branching out. I got nothing better to do anyway.
I will say this… the buildings in the city are insane.
Even with the mission I've gone on, the sites I've been able to see, all I have in terms of a city to compare New York to is Portsmouth. I would say Dublin, but the mission we went on was focused in the nearby forest, and we didn't have enough time to actually try and explore the sights of Ireland.
Bummer. But I digress.
The tallest buildings in Portsmouth are smaller than any of the shortest buildings I've seen already.
It's actually kind of cool.
But outside of the buildings, there's nothing to really note with the exception of Bryant Park, which was a nice little place.
But… I kind of wonder what Times Square's like?
I've seen it in plenty of video games and movies, but I've never actually taken the chance to see Times Square since I've been here.
It's in Midtown, so it'd be nearby, right?
From what I gathered on Google Maps, Vought Tower is more towards the center of the island when you're coming from the rivers. And if I'm right, that means Times Square should be a good few blocks ahead of the tower.
Shouldn't be too long of a walk.
I think all of that over as I keep my pace, and with a destination in mind, it's as simple as continuing on the current path I've set before making a right.
I honestly can't help the excitement in me at actually going to see a New York landmark. A lot of people want to see New York if you've never been, and despite how long I've already been here, I can't believe that I've never actually left the tower in that time with the exception of filming for my debut promos and the Expo. Well, and that patrol with Maeve, but that was centered in Harlem and I wasn't paying attention to the sites.
Now, I'm walking New York for me, myself, and I.
It's a decent walk, but not long before I can see Times Square ahead. Even from here I can see the massive billboards, both LED and typical billboards, that are visible from this far down the street.
As I grow closer, more and more billboards come into view, and I honestly can't help the look of awe that grows on my face as I find myself slowly coming to Times Square for the first time in my life.
It's… amazing.
This is something else.
Some people probably don't think much of it. Just a bunch of billboards, right?
But this is just… different.
Granted, it could be because I've never seen anything quite like this.
There's billboards for all kinds of things. Shoes, phones, insurance, movies, games… even ads for superhero merchandise.
They got Homelander up on a gigantic screen, and there's an ad for some movie that Translucent is in. His last one, if I had to guess. There's even for what looks like an A-Train energy drink.
And then there's the typical stuff. Nike, some cometic products, even some billboards for DC and Marvel.
So many billboards, every single one looks so cool. Honestly, some of them just pass my vision. It's just… surreal.
Even after I got my powers, I never thought I'd actually find myself in New York.
Of all the places on my bucket list to visit, New York was always up there.
However, as I look in amazement at all of the billboards, I pause as my eyes land on one that I hadn't seen at first since it was behind me.
Up on one of the massive vertical billboards running along the building is a Vought advertisement. An LED one.
And I find myself staring at one of the promo pictures I had taken for my debut.
It's a picture of me in an action pose, standing in a combat stand with my fists down to my sides. At the bottom of the ad, sprawled in big bold words, is my hero name.
THE JUGGERNAUT
Earth's Strongest Defender
Strongest defender, huh? Well, I wouldn't go that far. Even if it were true, me and Homelander are likely tied for that spot, and I can think of one person in particular who holds that mantle.
Like I said before, Alex is more powerful than any superhuman I've ever met or can think of. Superhero or not.
The font for the billboard looks like it's meant to resemble cracked bricks, likely as some sort of metaphor for my strength. Behind it, oversized so that it's in clear view is a symbol of a… fist… sitting inside of a red flannel styled circle.
Well, that's creative.
The LED shows me for a few seconds, before it morphs away, and instead it plays some merchandise ads. For me.
Damn, Vought works quick. I find myself sitting there watching it for a few minutes. I get to see T-Shirts, bracelets, lunch boxes, backpacks… even toys. They got action figures, dolls, 'collectibles'... whatever that means.
Damn, they really don't fuck around with merchandising.
Eventually, the ad loops, and I'm back up on-screen.
And I can't help but to smile.
I honestly gotta say, the image of a little kid showing off a new shirt or some action figure based on me kind of makes me a little happy.
Still though… in the end, I do this job to help people. Only reason I jumped on with Vought in the end is because the paycheck will make life a little easier.
"Ricky!"
The sound of a woman calling someone's name catches my attention, and I turn to the source out of habit.
I find some woman rushing up in my direction, causing me to raise an eyebrow in confusion for a moment. Does she think I'm someone else? Considering the ad on display to god knows how many people, I can't really say that I like this woman's intelligence if that's the case.
"Excuse me?"
Suddenly, a child's voice enters my ears from right next to me, and I look down to find myself staring at a young boy. Can't be any older than seven. Maybe eight.
He's looking up at me with wonderstruck eyes, looking like he's just met his hero as I finally understand who the woman was actually shouting at.
"Are you the Juggernaut?"
At the question, I can't help but to actually start laughing. Everyone in Times Square, so many people who have passed me, and it's some kid who recognizes me. Even with a giant billboard up above.
"Yeah, I'm the Juggernaut, little buddy." I answer with a nod as I come down from my laughter, looking down at the kid with a smile.
"I'm so sorry about that." The woman says, looking sheepish and genuinely apologetic as she slows to a stop next to me. "He must've spotted you and got excited." She snags her child by the shoulder and pulls him back as she gives him an irritated gaze. "Ricky, what have I told you about running off?!"
The kid looks rightfully ashamed at his mom's words, his face falling down as he answers quietly. "Not too." It's almost a mumble with the way he says it.
"I don't care who you might see, you do not run away from Mommy to strangers!"
"But… he's not a stranger."
"Ah," I speak up, butting into this little exchange because as excited as the kid seemed to be, this is a lesson all kids need to learn. "That ain't true bud. You might know who I am, but you don't know me."
"Yes I do." The kid responds as he looks at me in confusion. "You're the Juggernaut."
I can't help the slight snort of amusement that escapes me as I glance over at his mom, who once again looks apologetic.
"I'm sorry-"
"It's fine." I assure her, raising a hand out of habit as I say it, before looking at the kid once again. "So, you know me, huh?" I say as I lower myself down to one knee so that I'm more eye level with the kid. "Do you know my real name?"
"Well, no…"
"Do you know where I'm from?"
"No…"
"Do you know where I went to school?"
"No…"
"Do you know what I like?"
"Saving lives?"
"Anything that isn't hero work."
"I don't know…"
"Exactly," I say, flicking my index finger at the kid to reinforce my point. "You know I'm the Juggernaut, but you don't know who I actually am. I am still stranger, even if I'm one everybody knows."
"But… you're not dangerous."
I can't help the chuckle that leaves me when he says that. "Fair enough. But let me explain something to you, kiddo. Superheroes have lives of their own to live outside of saving lives. There's nothing wrong with coming up to me and asking for a picture. But in your case, you can't just run off from your mom like that."
"But… I would've went right back." The kid says, looking ashamed.
His mother gets down on her knees and pulls him into her side, looking like she's cooled off some of her frustration with the incident. "You scared Mommy, Ricky. Until I saw him, I had no clue where you were going."
The boy's lip begins to quiver at that. "I'm sorry, Mommy…" He mumbles once more, looking close to tears.
The woman smiles and hooks her finger under the kid's chin, pulling him to look at her. "Just don't scare Mommy like that again, okay?"
"Okay…"
The woman kisses his forehead and stands back to her feet, before holding her hand out for him to take.
Then the boy turns to look at me. "I'm sorry for bothering you, Mr. Juggernaut."
I can't help but to laugh at that. Mr. Juggernaut. Now that's one Maddie will love to hear.
"You didn't bother me little buddy. Just be more careful next time, alright?"
"Okay."
The woman looks at me once again. "Thank you. Are you sure we didn't bother you?"
I nod my head once more with a smile on my face. "Ma'am, I'll tell you right now that seeing a little kid so happy is far from a bother. I'm just sorry it inconvenienced you."
"It's not your fault." The woman says. "You don't have to apologize."
"Maybe not, but I will anyway." I say with a shrug. "And if it makes up for it, you got my attention. May as well get a picture of something for the little guy."
The woman looks genuinely surprised at the offer, while Little Ricky's face lights up like a Christmas tree. "Are you sure? You don't have to."
"Why not?" I say with another shrug. "Got nothing better to do." I joke, putting the woman a little more at ease.
"Can I Mommy?" The little boy asks, looking up at his mother with a pleading look. "Please?"
The woman looks down at her child, before letting a small sigh escape her lips and giving a soft smile as she nods. "Go ahead."
"Yay!" The boy is jumping with glee the moment he hears the answer, and he runs over next to me with a big grin while the woman reaches into her purse to find her phone. "Where do you want me, Mr. Juggernaut?"
I raise an eyebrow when he asks, and I get an idea in my head that just might make the kid's day.
"How about up here?" I say as I reach down and gently pick the kid up by his sides, turning him around gently so as to not run any risk of hurting him, before I lift him up and sit him down on my shoulders. "That work?"
"This is awesome!"
I grin before looking back at the woman, just in time to see her hold her phone up and begin to line up the picture.
"Say cheese!"
"Cheese!"
After the picture and a little bit of time taking in Times Square, I finally figured I'd look up and see if there's a game store nearby that's not GameStop. A little shop called J&L Games, down on 6th Avenue.
Opposite of Midtown, but I'll take it.
On the way, I finally got a call back from Alex. Can't say I'm too happy with what I heard.
Thanks to Landon, they found out that whoever was there accessed Jason's computer. The same one he had set up in that godforsaken room where I was tortured. They'd accessed a couple of files. A set of pictures of me leading up to my abduction, a video diary that Jason had recorded… and videos of the 'sessions'.
My first instinct was to ask how they all handled it.
Landon wasn't sure what to make of it for his first real mission. Alex told me that Peter had been a lot quieter ever since, and as for Rachel…
Well, when one of the other members of the militia that I don't know personally told came and asked Alex why Rachel was crying in the locker room, that told me enough.
First order of business was to make sure they were alright.
Second order of business was to chew Alex a new ass.
Come to find out, they'd never even visited the factory until then. Not even an investigation. Since Jason was involved, Alex was more than positive that Jason would be able to over his tracks, and nothing of use would've been found.
Whether he was right or not on that front, he still could've went and got the damn computer! Anyone could've walked in and found that shit, as we're now learning.
At least they've learned their lesson to a degree.
Apparently, if what Alex told me is true, Peter's initial reaction to seeing everything for himself was far from quiet. Had Landon nearly pissing himself.
So… the computer is now a pile of useless scrap and electronics. Along with that room.
But, the info did indeed confirm my original thoughts. Whoever went there, they were looking for something that involved me.
So, that put me in a bit of a sour mood, and I'm kind of hoping that when I make it to this game store, it'll provide a nice distraction.
Obviously, I'm unnerved and more than a little concerned. Two guys, whom we have almost no useful info on, went to that factory looking for some kind of info or something. On me.
I've thought of several different possibilities, but none of them line up. If it were just a couple of people who did their research and were curious to see my… 'birthplace', so to speak, why would they have shotguns? And if it is someone not happy with my debut in the Seven, then what are they looking to accomplish?
Either way, nothing I can do now, and I don't want to let it ruin my day anymore than it honestly already has.
I haven't quite made it to my destination yet, and I find my attention pulled away when my phone rings yet again.
I pull my phone out of my pocket to see who's calling.
CUNT!
Is Calling…
Oh great.
Let's get this bullshit over with.
I answer the call and bring it up to my ear.
"What?" I ask, making my irritation clear as day.
"We need you back at the tower."
"Fuck off."
"It's important."
"You got three seconds."
"We need to discuss some media advertisemen-"
That's about when I end the call without any ceremony. She's been doing shit like this for a while. She said it's important? It can wait.
Honestly, though, since my contract explicitly mentions having to star in movies and do video games and shit, I fully expect to get some kind of summons from Edgar to explain myself.
Honestly though, calls like this from Stillwell seem to be a regular occurrence. She's always calling me in some form, even when I'm right there in the tower, and it's starting to get on my nerves.
I wish she'd take the hint. The only calls I should get from Stillwell are important ones, and though the movies are important in a way… after the news I've been getting today? They can wait.
Not even two seconds after I end the call, my phone isn't even in my pocket before I get another one, and I immediately assume it's from Stillwell.
I don't even look at the caller ID as I answer the phone in frustration and bring it up to my ear.
"You want to talk movies, we can do that shit later, goddammit! Today is not the day!"
There's a few seconds of silence on the other end, and I wait to see if she'll hang up or if she has something she wants to say.
The response I get is not what I was expecting.
The silence is broken by the sound of sniffling, before a voice that is very much not Stillwell's comes through the phone.
"A-A bad day, huh?"
My eyes widen in surprise when it's not Stillwell's voice that comes through the phone, but Rachel's.
I immediately feel guilt gnawing at me for snapping at her after what she's found out today, not to mention what I've released some misplace aggression on her. Honestly, I should've expected this call at some point today.
"Sorry, Rachel." I say with a sigh, bringing a hand up to my hand in slight irritation with myself for snapping at her. "I thought you were someone else."
"I figured as much." A sniffle follows those words, and I find myself feeling even more guilty.
"Alex… Alex told me what happened." I admit to her with a sigh. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Rach."
"You… you're sorry?" Even with the sadness, Rachel sounds more than incredulous at my words. "You… oh g-god…"
"Please don't cry Rach." I can't help but to beg. It breaks my heart either way, but I don't think I'll be able to take it too well if I'm not there to comfort her.
"H-How can I not?!" Her voice is hysterical as it comes through the phone, forcing me to pull my phone from my ear a little. "You… I had no idea it was… I'm so sorry, John!"
"Rachel, it's not your fault." I tell her sternly. "You couldn't have known Jason was targeting me, and you can't feel responsible every time someone gets hurt or killed." I explain to her, even though I have a few issues with that myself when it comes to innocents.
"When we f-found out, it was our j-job to keep an eye on y-you!" Rachel's hurt voice comes through once more. "And instead, we let you…"
"I'm not gonna pretend I can tell you how to feel, Rachel." I say with a sigh as I pause my walk and step off to the side so that I'm not blocking anybody, standing next to a building. "But it absolutely is not your fault. In no uncertain terms, neither you nor Peter hold any bit of the blame."
Clearly this is still hitting Rachel hard, because though her sobbing from the other side dies down, she's still sniffling. It breaks my heart to her someone so outgoing in this state.
"H… How do you… how do you go through every day like nothing is wrong?"
I figured this conversation was coming. I knew that at some point in my life, it would happen whether I wanted it too or not.
Still, this is so much sooner than I would've liked.
But I won't try to put it off. After what Rachel saw… she deserves the truth.
"The truth is Rach… I just focus on what positives I can. Whenever the thought comes up, I focus on the anger for them. When it doesn't come up, it's easy for me to forget about it." I admit, letting out a sigh as I talk about things that I'd never wanted to talk about. If Rachel weren't in the state she was in, I probably would've told her I didn't want to talk about it. "My friends and family… the positives I have in my life at any given moment… that makes it easier."
Rachel sniffles in response as I wait for her to reply after admitting all of that to her.
It… it feels different, letting it all out for once. And though I do admittedly have people I'd have preferred to tell over Rachel… Rachel probably understands my feelings more than I can admit. Even if her trauma is a bit different from mine.
"...really?"
I can't help but to smile. "When you and Pete showed me the militia, and I was offered a spot, you gave me a distraction. An escape. But you also gave me another positive to focus on. Helping people."
"... I thought you didn't care about anyone but your loved ones…" She comments despite everything, and I can't help but to laugh at her words.
"Yeah, well, I've come to realize that isn't entirely sure." I joke with her, and finally, I get a bit of a giggle, though hints of sadness are still present in her voice.
"You… I wish I was as tough as you, John." Rachel admits, and I can't help it when my brow raises even though Rachel can't see it.
"Woman, if it weren't for how strong I was, you could put me on my ass without your own powers." I can't help but to joke with her. "Seriously, I might be a juggernaut, but you're a helluva lot tougher than me in a lot a ways."
"I… I highly doubt that."
"Sure you do. We'll just have to fix that, won't we?"
Rachel giggles, and though I can still hear her voice hitching, it's finally a light-hearted and amused sound.
"I um… I miss you, John."
I can't help it when the smile on my face changes from amusement and slightly proud to one of… longing doesn't sound like the right word, but it works. "I miss you too, Rach. Vought comes with a paycheck, but I miss having people I actually know watching my back."
"They aren't that bad… are they?"
"A-Train's an irresponsible irritation, I don't like him one bit. The rest of them don't seem too bad…"
I find myself falling into conversation with Rachel, something I've honestly missed more than I thought I did.
If I'd have known what I would find out not long after…
I probably wouldn't have spent the next hour talking with her.