How We Ended Up Here

by GrearBeloved

This story is long winded and as yet unfinished, but I like it. Tension is everything! Making up my own backstory for how Rogue and Gambit fell in love in the face of increasing danger for the Xmen team. I'm not following a particular universe, snatching pieces and making up the rest. The first few chapters are old and choppy, but it hits it's stride around chapter 8. Enjoy!

38. Been Through It

I had a lot of things I needed to move in this chapter to get everything aligned. Our girl has been through it. Thoughts and prayers please.

Part 38: Been Through It

Ah came to with a strange sense of being knit and stitched back together, but ah knew it wasn't mah flesh that was being sewn.

Somethin' was different, but ah was afraid to think. Ah had so many feelings floatin' around, but ah couldn't quite remember where ah was.

"Can you hear me?..Miss?...Rogue?...still nothing, folks," the voice was unfamiliar.

"The consciousness is active, give her more time. This is a very unusual case. We may have to add her to the waivers."

"If she's not a vegetable, you mean. You all are getting callous. I know he's the master but you nearly killed her."

"This is not the time. Stay focused. She's coming around. Try again."

"Rogue? Can you hear us?"

Ah struggled, but ah couldn't seem to access words. Ah tried to open mah eyes but failed there too. Ah could at least hear, so somethin' else must be online. Ah managed to lift mah hand, reachin' to see what ah could grab, but all ah felt were cords, wires drapin' over mah arm.

Somebody grabbed mah hand.

"Hey there, Miss Rogue. Is that you? Can you squeeze my hand twice if you can hear me?"

Ah was able to comply.

"Good girl, well done. We got her back, can you tell what's going on with her speech?"

Ah felt a waverin' pressure, somethin' psychic foah shoah.

"Wow. This is some parasite. There's actual physical damage along with everything else. Wyatt, the Broca's area."

Ah felt somethin' cool, some kinda relief.

"Ok Rogue, can you talk to us? Do you know where you are?"

Ah tested mah voice again and found it at least, "No."

"Do you remember who we are?"

"No…wait…"

"Paige, check again." That strange stitchin' sensation continued.

It started coming back to me.

"Why can't ah see?"

"We had to mask you. The optic blasts started going off. We know they aren't yours, but we haven't been able to track down the source yet. We had enough trouble with that last one. We might not be able to complete the analysis."

Oh thank gawd. Scott was ok.

"What happened?" Ah asked, unsure how to be moah specific.

"You have…an incredible array of stored hosts. We underestimated the scenario. You shouldn't be able to sustain this much interference and remain lucid. We tried to remove them to better evaluate your core characteristics, but the first extraction went...poorly."

Ah pondered over their words, took mah time as ah slowly recalled mah situation.

"How long was ah out?"

"Nearly four hours."

The sewing sensation lessened, and as it did ah tried to take stock. Ah tried hard not to think of Scott, what they said gave me some confidence that he was ok as long as ah kept him hidden, but somethin' was shoah enough missing. Somethin' big.

Ah'm not shoah how long it took me to realize, but when ah did my jaw dropped and ah felt dizzy enough to see stars.

"Carol…y'all took Carol."

"Was that her name?"

"What does this mean…where did she go?...Is she ok?"

There was an uncertain pause.

"Your abilities are…perplexing."

Ah took a steadying breath, "Are you saying you don't know?"

"When parasites retain host residue, it is normally in the form of shades…symbols…"

"You don't know."

"She was able to retain intentional consciousness even with you incapacitated. Once freed from your hold she left of her own accord. She was definitely…independent from you. All these hosts are to some degree, sentient and separate. There's nothing on this in the catalog. It requires further study."

Would it have been so hard to say 'no, we don't know'?

Ah tried gently to take stock of mahself. Ah could still feel the wavering influence of the sedative, fading but not yet gone. Ah moved mah fingers and toes…so far so good. I worked mah way up, ensuring awareness of mah legs, hips, core, back, chest, face. All here as far as ah could tell.

It was mah mind that felt off. Carol had taken up so much space, so much energy. It was like walking into yoah house and finding a new floor you didn't know about, not really new just new to you. Jarring, unsettling. Ah couldn't help but check foah her, but it was like she'd never been here at all. Ah only remembered her, ah couldn't feel her.

Even the Professor had not been able to get her out, only contain her.

"How?" ah asked woodenly.

There was some hesitation, "Our powers, combined and amplified with the technology and research of En Sabah Nur, allow us to investigate mutant manifestation at levels previously undreamt of. We investigate and catalog mutations, and we can usually identify opportunities for enhancement, whether that in increasing efficacy, control, or nuance. We add our findings to the catalog. There are only a few cases we've had to mark as waivers…it appears you will be one of them."

Ah pondered over this. Even here, ah was some kinda anomaly. But…they had managed to remove Carol.

"How did you remove her? Can you show me?"

"We don't dare to continue. The damage was incredibly prohibitive."

"Well yeah you picked the most cantankerous one and you got what was comin' to ya. Could you do it again? Maybe somebody a little punier?"

Moah hesitation. "As great as our healing abilities are, healing is still hard on a mind…body. Reckless, repeated damage is irresponsible."

Ah felt a restlessness…many restlessnesses…startin' to stir in my psyche. It was as though everyone in mah head had heard a rumor, spinnin' them up. It made me a little afraid but ah tried to swallow it down.

"Please. Try one moah time. Foah yoah catalog if nothin' else. Ah have to know how you did it."

Ah could hear movement near me and reached out foah whoever had grabbed mah hand earlier. A managed to snag what ah supposed was an arm.

"Rogue, there's no way we can clear all of your hosts. Certainly not today. Maybe not ever."

"Ah'm not asking foah that. Just show me one time. Someone less."

"You've already damn near killed her without her consent, might as well grant her request."

There was another long pause while ah waited to see what they would do. Ah sensed some kinda tension, like they weren't quite as unified as they liked to put on.

"Very well…this will almost certainly be painful."

Ah clenched mah teeth and nodded. Soon, ah felt the rummagin' again, and with all the psyches already stirred up it stung like fire. It took no small effort to resist whimperin'. With what mental faculty ah had left, ah tried to recall a good candidate. Mah thoughts tried to skid down a well-worn path to the person ah wanted most in the world to see, but by sheer force of will ah managed to shove that train just enough off track that ah landed somewhere else.

"What about Emil?"

Ah felt their awareness shift, lock their attention on the subject of mah focus, and felt their struggle. Compared to Carol, Emil was a wisp, a vapor of a non-mutant ah had barely touched long ago. It was hard foah them to see him clearly. Ah found that odd. He was certainly less vibrant but ah had no trouble finding him.

"You live here. It's your first language. It's more challenging, navigating unfamiliar territory," someone answered mah unspoken thought.

Ah felt them reach out to Emil, who seemed excited…receptive.

And then the pressure started. Crushing pressure. It felt like someone had shoved mah head into a pool drain. Ah couldn't breathe. Mah ears rang and ah felt like mah brain was gonna leak through at any moment. Ah beat mah fists against the table helplessly.

"Rogue, we can stop."

Ah shook mah head no.

They pulled all the moah furiously and ah saw stars and then white light, and then all at once there was a – POP! – not a sound but a feelin'. One minute Emil's presence was there, then ah felt him pass through the space that had opened so briefly. The pressure stopped and ah shot up, gaspin' and sweatin'. Somethin' hot and wet dribbled onto mah lips. Once ah was able to react, ah went to wipe it away and found a massive nosebleed underway.

"Paige, tend to her. No more on this one."

"There's something about these hosts…I can't see where they are going. He won't want us to proceed without further guidance."

Ah was bewildered but tried to keep mah thoughts steady as they patched me back up and eventually released me. Somethin' had been tied around mah head to keep me from openin' mah eyes, but ah didn't dare try to take it off. Ah knew ah was taken somewhere but had no way of knowin' where. Ah was placed on somethin' soft and eventually left alone.

After some time, ah got up and carefully made mah way around the room on hands and knees, checkin' and listenin' to be shoah ah was alone. It was a small space, foah which ah was glad. Uneven floor, curved walls, and what felt like a bed. Once ah was as shoah as ah could be on mah solitude, ah sat back down and finally allowed mah mind to wander.

Ah stood once moah in the yard outside the clapboard house, watching the sun sink behind the trees and set the dust and pollen in the air with a golden glow. Ah put mah eyes on the old hickory tree in the front yard with the tire swing gently swayin', not wantin' to be any closer to this memory than ah had to be.

"Scott? You can come out now," ah called.

A few moments later, ah heard the screen door on the porch swing shut with a raspin' rattle. Ah looked over as he came down the stairs and made his way over to me, eyes scannin' me purposefully. Ah opened mah mouth to reassure him that ah was…okish?...but he spoke first, "Can we go someplace else to talk? I don't want you to be here."

Uncertainly, ah grabbed his hand. The old house vanished as its inhabitants started yelling again inside.

We found ourselves in the War Room back at the mansion, standin' stiffly across from one another. After studyin' each other foah a minute, each of us tryin' to reassure ourselves that the other was in one piece, Scott cracked a half smile.

"What a day, huh?"

Ah didn't know what else to do but snort half-heartedly and smile back. If it keeps ya from cryin' ah guess.

He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders off. He was really gonna do it. He was really gonna launch back into strategy and planning.

Befoah he could, ah laughed a real laugh and threw mah arms around him.

"Gawd sugah ah'm so glad yoah ok. Ah mean not exactly, but…"

Rigid and uncomfortable, Scott gently and awkwardly patted mah back, but ah didn't care because it was so…him. He was himself. He was here. With one last squeeze, ah let him go and schooled mah features into a moah serious expression befoah sittin' at the table a few seats down. I was a little surprised when Scott followed mah steps and sat right beside me. Ah gave him a nod, invitin' him to begin. Ah certainly didn't know where to start after all.

"Ok. Step one, we have to get the blasts under control. Not having visual on the Scryers was a loss. You've been able to control Ms. Marvel, any ideas?"

Ah replied gently, "Ms. Marvel had control, so ah got that when ah absorbed her. Ah'm not really shoah where to start with yoah powers."

He didn't react, but sat ponderin', "I had control at one point. Before the TBI…the accident. My brain might be permanently damaged, but yours shouldn't be."

He was in full tactical mode, and as hard as today had been foah me…his was harder. We'd both been pushed well past our emotional comfort zone today. Ah acknowledged the lack of invitation and met him on strictly factual terms.

"Tricky. Ah may need to see what you remember about it. See if ah can observe anythin'. Is there somethin' you don't mind sharin'?"

That half smile came back, "It's been a day for burned boundaries. For both of us. I'm open to anything."

Ah took a deep breath and blew it out. "Ah appreciate that Scott, and ah agree we're a bit off script here. Just the same. Ah'd feel better if you chose."

He nodded once and looked away. Ah could tell he was actively searching foah a memory.

"Befoah we get too far down the road Scott…ah gotta tell ya…ah need to sleep. Ah'm more used up than a quarter in the pay phone at a county jail. Ah'm ok but the Scryers put me through it and ah can't go gallavantin' around tryin' to learn how to control yoah powers after ah've just failed again at controllin' mine. Ah gotta rest."

"Oh. Right," Scott looked a little deflated, antsy. Ah figured he didn't know how to take a break in the middle of a mission, but he continued with a question, "What happens to me, when you sleep?"

A little pang pulled at mah heart, and ah had to try hard to fight it off. There would be an opportunity to deal with the enormity of today, but not here, not now.

"Ah'm not exactly shoah. What happened to you while ah was with the Scryers? Ah was out a while."

"You were gone for five hours, thirteen minutes. There was a clock in the back room of that stupid house," the last part of his statement was delivered through a clenched jaw.

Ah leaned back, embarrassed and guilty. "Ah'm so sorry you had to stay there, ah wish ah coulda thought of somethin' else-,"

He cut me off crisply, "You don't owe me a single apology." Ah didn't know what to say, so ah studied mah hands in lap.

He sighed, "I'm sorry. I know you didn't put me there because you felt like sharing. It was smart and it worked. But I got so angry, that scene over and over and not being able to do anything. I thought up dozens of ways I would have handled it. I could've handled it, if I'd been there. I wouldn't have tolerated that. But to have to just sit there…"

"It's a long time ago. Ah'm sorry you had to see it. Ah'll come up with a better hidin' spot foah ya until we get this sorted out."

"This isn't about me."

"Yes, it absolutely is. Yoah trapped in here with me and it's up to me to take care of ya. Gonna be a hard time foah both of us, but if yoah gonna keep leading the mission out there, then ah got to lead you around in here."

That shut him up a minute. He was the same as me, tryin' to focus on the positives and not dwell too much on the reality of this situation. Ah tried to put him at ease by takin' charge, "Foah now, you got run of the mansion. That should be familiar enough. Everythin' should be here: books, tv, computer, but it'll be limited to what ah've seen and know," ah paused, tryin' to think and knowin' ah had very little productive thought left. "If anything goes wrong, head to the men's room foah now. Ah've never been in there and ah'm not inclined to. It's as good a spot as any until we can figure somethin' better."

Suddenly a thought occurred to me and ah found that somehow, some way ah had at least enough energy left over to blush. There were certainly some memories here ah didn't want to share with Scott. Ah squeezed mah eyes shut tightly so ah wouldn't have to endure his face as ah added, "Can you please stay out of mah room…and Gambit's."

He kept his tone professional but didn't look at me, "10-4. In that case, I can study the mission briefings and training sequences, see what I might notice now that we know what's here. But Rogue…time is a luxury we're not going to have. So if you need to sleep, do it now."

Ah nodded and left him there, forcin' mah mind to wander back up to mah own familiar room, mah own familiar bed.

My body had no resistance left to give, and ah slept.

When ah came to, ah smelled food. Ah called out but no one answered. Ah checked the room again and found it empty to the best of mah ability. Ah also found some kinda tray of food and water, which ah should have been suspicious of but was too weak to care. It was somethin' warm and sweet. Maybe oatmeal? Ah didn't die so must've been all right.

Scott was ready to move fast. To be honest…this situation was incredibly awkward foah both of us. In hindsight, it was a major turning point in our relationship, and one foah the better. At the time, we struggled to maintain a sense of urgency but not overstep. Neither of us bein' psychics, it was hard and we fumbled. It was like somebody gave two toddlers a pair of loaded bazookas and turned 'em loose in a china shop. Which was most important, separating the bazookas from the toddlers or the toddlers from each other? There was no saving the property.

We started with the optic blasts. Scott let me enter what memories he had of himself as a younger man, from the mishaps of his powers manifesting to the season of control befoah the accident. It was hard to navigate there because he had romanticized his memories of vision: they were so breathtakingly beautiful you could cry, but we worked doggedly on. When ah finally gained enough confidence to remove whatever they had wrapped around mah head, it still took a few tries lyin' face down on the floor and openin' mah eyes as absolutely briefly as possible, but finally we got it to stop.

This filled us with a disproportionate sense of accomplishment – it was our first daggum win since we came to Antarctica. Ah jumped up and down with victory, being able to see foah the first time in a day, and Scott was revelatory also. So revelatory that without meanin' to and without realizin' it, he snatched hold of mah body.

"YES! Great work Rogue, great work!" His voice…mah voice…our voice reverberated off the walls and made him jump.

Scott...

"Uhhhhhhhhhh,"

It's ok sugah. Carol used to do this sometimes. You wanna take it foah a spin? You can if you want, as long as you promise to give it back.

He kept answerin' me out loud. "I…um…what?" He clenched and unclenched mah fists, shifted his weight back and forth from one foot to the other, and then tried to walk across the room. He was very awkward and off balance.

"What's the matter with your legs? Are you hurt?"

No…ah'm a woman. Mah center of gravity is lower. Mah hips are wider and mah shoulders are narrower than yoahs.

Bewildered, Scott looked down…and noticed specifically that mah body was female. He immediately stared at the ceiling, flushing red. And then his thoughts jumped immediately, loyally over to Jean. Jean's body. Jean's curves. Jean's…femaleness.

It was very awkward foah both of us.

"How do we switch back? I didn't mean to do this."

Well ya gotta calm down first. Actually, ah'm not exactly shoah. Lay down, steady yoahself. See if you can imagine the mansion.

We did eventually get switched back. It was not nearly so difficult as it had been with Carol, because Scott and ah were on the same team. Once we calmed down, we realized this was somethin' of an opportunity. We practiced switching back and forth. It got easier. We were encouraged a little, as long as we didn't let ourselves remember where we were, what we needed to do, and that we were basically learnin' the basics all over again.

Scott tried out some of his fightin' techniques in mah skin. He said it was weird. He could do it but had to really focus on his balance. And even though he remembered, mah body didn't have his muscle memory. It was like he was doin' things foah the first time.

We talked about Carol. Ah couldn't say foah shoah if she was all right, but what the Scryers described gave me hope. Gave him hope too. He suggested ah try to practice with some of the lesser ghosts, but when ah described the process he agreed it wasn't wise to try unsupervised. Ah tried not to take his disappointment too personally.

We found ourselves in a small room, almost like a cell but no door, no lock. The same strange, uneven walls and floor with the blue pulse, but nothin' to it really. A small alcove in the back by way of a privy. A primitive chest with very basic linen clothing inside – both of us took one look and thought the same word "culty". We shared a light laugh over it – first thing we had in common.

Food and water were delivered at regular intervals by people without collars. We didn't recognize them. Ah did try to speak to one, but they didn't speak English and seemed wary. Ah was also feelin' unsteady so we let each other off the hook.

Scott was able to use the clocks and computers at the mansion to track the time, which was miraculous because mah conscious mind had no clue. It was two days after our battle with En Sabah Nur.

"We've gotta find the rest of the team. We can't keep waiting."

"Yoah right. We also need to find some way to contact the Professor. Do you think he would send B team?"

Soctt considered, "I think we have some time before he does, but he will eventually."

"You gonna go hide out?" We'd staked out some new places foah him to hide, walked him back and forth so even ah wouldn't know exactly where he was hidden.

"I'd like to stay with you for now. I want to see what you see."

Ah took a deep breath, "Well…here goes nothin'."

Cautiously, we left the room. We moved step by careful step, like we were on a stealth mission. Outside the room was a long hallway lined with more alcove sleeping quarters like the one we had just been in. Ah was worried ah wouldn't be able to find mah way back but Scott reassured me he was keeping track. The hallway wound in a continuing curve until it emptied out into a large room with high ceilings, almost like some kinda alien gymnasium. The glass ceiling let the sunlight in and the sight of it was both harsh and relieving after so long in the dark.

Once mah eyes adjusted, ah saw that this was some kinda common area. Various seating and tables…like an eclectic dreamscape coffee shop. Other mutants were present and ah pressed mah back against the wall of the hallway, takin' stock. They all seemed to have collars like mine.

And then mah eyes fell on a familiar face. A shock of purple hair fell down her back over the linen tunic she now wore. Mah heart leapt like ah hadn't seen in her years and ah couldn't stop myself from rushin' over with reckless abandon.

At first Betsy jumped up into a defensive position but then her face contorted with shock once she recognized me. We clasped hands desperately, the most affectionate we'd ever been, but then she drew back just as abruptly, grip so hard on mah shoulders it hurt.

"What happened?!" she whispered urgently, befoah her eyes darted to the side. Without speaking, we quickly and quietly acknowledged that this was no place to speak. We made it back to the alcove hastily. Scott had no trouble finding the way back.

As we sat on the bed, ah started to tell her what ah could, but she cut me off and tapped her temple, letting me know we shouldn't speak aloud. But as soon as she connected with mah mind…

Betsy's eyes were wide and she stood up, backin' away from me with a look of disbelief. Ah gave her the space, and Scott asked to take over. Ah let him.

"Psylocke, you cannot panic. This mission is far from over."

She leaned back even further, her face twistin' with somethin' between pain and revulsion.

"…Scott?" she asked uncertainly.

He nodded, "We had to improvise. I've been over it multiple times and I couldn't find any other possible option. She did good under pressure. I'm ok. We're making it. We'll figure it out."

Betsy slumped against the wall, trying to steady herself. She watched him carefully and he stayed resolute. Back straight, posture ready. Himself. Betsy let her gaze fall to the floor, tryin' to regain her thoughts.

"With Ms. Marvel gone…Rogue…you both will be vulnerable."

Scott nodded, appreciative of her joinin' him at the metaphorical leaders' table. "We both still have our combat training and we have my optic blasts, but it's a little clunky. We're not going to have time to polish up. We need intel. What have you been able to find out about this place?"

Turns out, compared to our story, Betsy's was downright anticlimactic.

Betsy, Ororo, and Mystique had been taken to the Scryers, who had quickly determined that Betsy was in the wrong body, that the right body was not here, and given her a waiver like me. From what she could tell, Ororo and Mystique had successfully completed their evaluations, and so had their collars removed and taken to a different holding area. Only waivers were able to keep the collars, and therefore their powers, for further study. Waivers were kept separate from the general population. She wasn't shoah how many waivers were here in total, but at least a dozen. Powers of those she'd been able to ascertain were all over the place in terms of aptitude, control, and variety. Waivers just had something about the way their power manifested that prevented them from being fully vetted by the Scryers.

Betsy had reached out with her telepathy to find the team as soon as she thought it was safe. She'd had to be careful even here, as there was some psychic monitoring and shielding throughout the facility but had managed to make contact with Ororo. According to her, after evaluation the rest of the team was provided living quarters and a tour of the holding facility. Mutants who acquiesced to serve En Sabah Nur were treated as "guests". Quarters, meal rations, entertainment…like a strange mutant resort with loads of surveillance. Movement, conversations, all were monitored and reported, and it was unclear what the outcome of the reports were. Everyone was scared enough to want to avoid being reported.

Depending on ability, captives were assigned as patrols, a very few to the Scryers, the infirmary, or researching and analyzing the catalog. Because some of the captives were also used as guards and surveillance there was an undercurrent of mistrust. Some mutants were willing and gladly serving, looking towards a world safe foah mutants, while others cautiously bided their time, perceivin' no real option and operatin' under duress. Ororo had done her best to gain information from the captives here but met with a wary resistance.

Some had tried going back to the border long befoah we ever arrived, but the lands around the crater, while apparently permissible, were difficult to reach and dangerous. One had died and several moah were injured by the rugged terrain and strange creatures that lived in it. Their quest so far was in vain: they had found no weakness to the perimeter. This had left any sort of ambition foah resistance deeply dampened.

Scott was proud of them foah tryin'. Ah could feel it. Truth be told…ah was too.

Some areas of the base were off limits, both physically and psychically. Ororo and Betsy had not tried to challenge these limits, under the circumstances. As far as they could tell, the entire purpose of this place was based around the catalog. It seemed to have a scholastic purpose…but somethin' else. They were lookin' foah somethin', but none of us had any idea what. There was no further sighting of En Sabah Nur, and the other captives said he only appeared periodically and addressed the group – no private audiences. Some had asked and were denied.

Neither Ororo nor Betsy had encountered Sinister, and it was somethin' of a blow to have his presence confirmed. Both had turned their focus to finding allies, but with only a few days it was slow goin' and they were nowhere close to a plan.

No one had seen Hank or Pietro. None of us were shoah what became of "slaves" who survived the arena.

Scott nearly paced a hole in the floor, usin' mah legs of course, as he listened, askin' question after question. But as it had done foah me, his familiar bearing seemed to slowly thaw Betsy, even though her bewilderment never fully left her face.

We decided as a first course of action to confirm the status of the X-men team. Betsy would debrief Ororo and get her to enter the infirmary to check Scott's physical form and report back. She and Betsy both would try to leverage what contacts they had to determine what became of Hank and Pietro. Scott and me…me and Scott… the new proverbial "we" would take moah time to get our bearings, see if we could get some form of fighting fit and explore what we could of the waiver area. We would rendez-vous back here in one day to report on our progress. Scott wanted things faster, but Betsy talked him down with more information on the size of the facility and the nature of the patrols.

We set out to find the boundaries of our holding area. This place was an absolute maze. Nothin' joined together intuitively. There were few discernible landmarks. We traded bodily control back and forth, lettin' us both stretch our legs. Ah kept thinkin' ah was lost foah shoah, but Scott kept resolutely pushin' on, never once befuddled.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what? Oh, keep track of where we are?"

"Yes. We could be on the moon foah all ah know."

"Ioci method. It's a technique the Professor taught me. It was easy to get lost for a long time after the world went red – now it's hard to get lost even if I wanted to."

Ah pondered this. Ah'd never heard of the ioci method. "Yoah a very specific kind of genius, ah think."

He smiled lightly and we continued. Patrols passed periodically, collars on, and other mutants without them seemed to be performing mundane tasks like delivering food, cleaning, mapping. The windin' halls had many small, utilitarian alcoves like the one we had, but most were empty. There were some common showerin' areas which ah was glad to see at first, but then ah remembered that group showering was a horrible idea foah someone like me and also ah'd need to put Scott somewhere. It was awkward and unimportant foah now.

As the hours passed, ah felt Scott's unease grow.

"We'll figure this out," ah reassured him, "we don't give up until we do."

Frowning, he answered, "I know. It's not that."

"Then what?"

"This place is huge, and this is just one holding area…how the hell did this get here? How the hell is this secret? What IS this?"

Ah didn't have an answer foah him, so we just kept walkin'. There wasn't much to report, and we headed back to our own room to continue practice. Switch, switch back. Practice forms. Practice techniques. It gave us somethin' to do but it didn't feel productive. It made us both antsy.

When we finally rejoined, Betsy worked with me to invite us all to the War Room in mah mind. Ororo entered regally, the linen garments unable to dim the poise of her presence. We had to allow some time to process the relief of bein' all together, at least the four of us. Whatever bad blood we'd had in the past, it was utterly forgotten. Ororo a able to confirm that Scott's physical condition was stable. Like 'Ro, Betsy was also garbed in the ivory linen, and like 'Ro, it didn't suit her at all. Whoever had taken Scott to the infirmary had closed and covered his eyes, all vitals were normal. But his mind, even when probed by Betsy…nothin'. We were relieved that he was ok, but it was empty of joy.

Ororo offered one helpful observation, "I did notice that they kept the collar on you. All the patients in the infirmary keep the collars. So if we could get you back, you'd in theory have access to your powers."

"How large is the infirmary?"

"Not very. With the healing abilities they have here, most don't stay there long. It only has about twenty beds in a single space with partitions."

"We can't get there from the waiver area. It would probably be a bad idea for Rogue to be seen there anyway. Can you show me the way, just in case?"

Betsy connected them mentally to allow Ororo to oblige, but as she did she winced visibly and clutched her head. Ah went over to check on her but she held up a hand foah me to keep mah distance. Ah remembered what she told me befoah about me givin' her a headache.

"At least Carol was contained, with both of you running together and everyone else, it's a madhouse."

Scott put a hand to his chin. "Huh. There's a chance the other psychics here might have the same problem. At least some of them."

Ah felt his gears turnin'. Ororo caught on to his train of thought. "I see. Our Rogue is a blind spot. Not sure how we can use that, but it's something. We could use any advantage."

Scott kept thinkin'. "The other patients in the infirmary, you're certain they all had collars?"

"Not 100%, I didn't think it was important to check. But I can."

"I'm curious if the slaves get the benefit of medical attention. Even if you confirmed the collars I'm not sure that would totally answer the question. We may have to find a way to test it."

"Scott, what are you getting at? We aren't sure where the slaves are held yet, you want us to find them and then injure someone?"

"It's not what I want but it's what we may need to do."

"What would that accomplish?"

He ignored her question, "Where do the collars come from? Can we get them off? Are there more?"

All of us were at a loss as to where he was goin'. Betsy answered, "No, we can't get them off without a key. But I don't recall a key being needed to put them on. It stands to reason there may be more someplace but I'm not sure where. I've been trying to study them, but they do more than activate powers. They monitor vitals, location, and have security measures. I'm certain my attempts to undermine them have not gone unnoticed so I stopped."

Ah could feel somethin' like excitement, progress from Scott. He stood straighter and walked faster. "Nice work Psylocke. Ok team, we have objectives for tomorrow: Ororo, get back to the infirmary and see what other intel you can gather about the patients. Any intel is helpful, but very specifically I want to know if slaves get treatment. Next, see if you can find out more about the collars, where there are more, keys, activation console, anything. Psylocke, keep working on the collars. Whether we're being monitored or not, En Sabah Nur is very confident. Unthreatened. If they haven't intervened up until now, then let's keep pressing and see what we can find out."

A little confused, but understandin' he wasn't quite ready to share yet, we nodded our assent.

"Rogue…you need to practice expulsion. I know it's not ideal, but the collar is tracking your vitals and the Scryers were able to heal you. That should cover us if something goes wrong."

"Are you outta yoah mind? Ah don't know what happens to you if mah brain gets damaged!"

"We gotta risk it. We have no options and no time. I have absolute faith in you."

All three of us were a little taken aback by that stance.

The next day was absolutely excruciatin'. Scott gave me full control of mah body to work on it. Together, we decided on an old phantom of Colossus from back in the days with the Brotherhood. It was a long shot, but we thought it ah was successful, maybe just maybe the real Colossus might feel…somethin'…back at camp?

Without the Scryers help, ah started off completely lost. Ah tried holdin' mah breath and strainin' to recreate that sense of pressure. Ah tried lying down and focusin'. Ah tried runnin' our track from yesterday at a 5k clip to wear mahself out. Ah tried meditatin'. Ah tried positive thinkin'. Ah was about to try literally standin' on mah head. We were ten hours in and ah was frustrated. Mah stupid powers, always mah stupid powers, coiled under mah skin yet always out of mah reach.

"Don't give up, you're making great progress."

"Oh shut UP Scott! Ah haven't made any progress and you know it!"

"You're eliminating possibilities – that's progress."

"Ah guess you HAVE to stay optimistic undah the circumstances but yoah NOT helping!"

"What would help, then?"

"AH DON'T KNOW! Ah've been askin' mahself that since ah was fourteen and ah haven't come up with a single suggestion so far so quit askin'."

"Gotta try something, Rogue."

"You wanna drive this thing?"

"If you want me to. Do you think I could do it?"

Ah punched the wall. I wished. But instinctively, ah knew that wouldn't work. It had to be me. Ah was the only one that could use mah powers, except ah couldn't.

If ah hadn't been so mad, ah might have felt the moment Scott had an idea.

"If you don't figure this out, I can never go home." His words fell on me like a slap in the face. "I'll be stuck here like Carol, looking out at the world and never again being part of it. Not really."

"Scott, Ah-,"

"I'll watch Jean through your eyes, but never be able to hold her. I'll watch her grow older. I'll watch her lose hope. I'll watch her move on, because she has to, and I'll want her to, but it will break my heart. And I won't even have the mercy of privacy, you'll be here, feeling all of it with me," the words were violence, as hard on him to say as they were on me to hear.

"I'll watch helplessly as you and the team grow older, build a new world, have families. I'll rot in here, becoming less and less myself. And I'll get scared, wondering what's going to happen to me when my body eventually dies, or when you do. And you won't be able to comfort me, because you'll be scared of the same thing."

Horrified, ah had no way to reply. His tone turned threatenin', "Years will pass. I'll get sick and twisted, trapped forever. I'll start to resent you, then hate you, then hurt you. I'll be watching over your shoulder to rip apart any shred of joy that tries to make itself at home. I'll calculate a million different ways to tear you apart, thought by thought, feeling by feeling, and you'll have no way to hide your weakness from me."

Ah'd never seen him like this. He'd never talked to me this way, even when ah was his enemy. Ah clutched mah hands to mah chest, wishin' ah could back away from him, but of course ah couldn't.

He pressed further, "What? You're not even going to say anything? You're not going to answer me?" Mah mind started to race. "ANSWER ME!"

Ah felt somethin' ah hadn't felt in long time. Not since the Professor had contained Carol. Ah felt him attack me inside mah mind. Not hard, just a threat. But foah me, it represented the worst kinda trauma, the worst fear.

Mah legs tried to run but he snatched hold of mah body and brought me to mah knees hard. Ah fought to regain control but felt his resistance at every turn. Ah wanted to cry and scream and hit and run all at one time, and the combination made mah head pound.

"Rogue," his voice was calm now and the assault stopped as suddenly as it started.

Mah breath was ragged and mah hands trembled.

"Rogue, pay attention."

Ah sucked in air and tried to obey, maybe just out of habit.

"Ah feel it Scott."

"Focus."

The pressure. The pressure was there in mah skull. Ah grabbed hold of it as hard as ah could, willin' it to stay. Ah brought Colossus to mah mind, steel form alert…receptive. It hurt. Ah tried to make the pain, the pressure bigger, but mah thoughts and desires had no effect. With agony…ah allowed mahself to feel instead.

Guilt. Shame. Regret. Fear. It shouldn't be possible foah a person to do what ah had done. To Cody. To Carol. Now to Scott. Ah hadn't lied when ah said it was a fate worse than death. The pressure grew. It was workin'. It gave me no comfort and ah tried hard not to let mah thoughts derail me.

Bitterness. Loneliness. No one can see. No one can undahstand. No one can help. It's me. It's always been me. Human, mutant, psychic, Scryer, no one can reach me. The pressure grew and ah had to let mah body lie down as it started to shake.

Broken. Malformed. Utterly repulsive. Hurtful. Dangerous. Ah shouldn't even exist. It would be better if ah didn't. Look, just look at what ah had done.

Ah allowed mahself to do directly what ah'd always done in secret. Ah turned on me, rakin' invisible claws across invisible skin, rippin' and tearin' and loathin'. Ah absolutely hated me.

-POP!-

It was like a once closed fissure dilated foah barely a second. It was enough, just enough foah Colossus to slip away.

Ah lay on the floor, tremblin'. Tremblin' but lucid. Ah felt mah somethin' wet on mah face and rolled to one side as mah nose gushed blood again.

Ah felt utter dismay from Scott, "I am so sorry. We can't do this. I shouldn't have asked."

It wasn't that ah didn't care, but the boundary of mah very self felt tenuous, "Please don't talk."

He honored mah request, and we both waited. Ah slowly pushed mahself inch by painful inch over to the wall, then against it until ah was close to sitting up. A lucky thing too as a pair of mutants ah didn't recognize rushed into the room.

They grabbed me undah mah arms but ah put up what little feeble resistance ah could.

"Ah'm ok, no cause foah alarm." The words were distant. Ah wordlessly begged Scott to take over. He obliged.

"Your vitals spiked and you're covered in blood. We're here to help."

"It was just an accident. I'm fine," Scott answered foah me and ah curled up in the fetal position somewhere in mah mind, "I had a nightmare and fell out of the bed. It's just my nose. Bled good but I'm fine."

They looked back and forth between one another uncertainly. "All the same, I think we should-,"

"I don't want those people anywhere near me. I don't want anything from him," Scott spat at them pointedly. There was somethin' true behind his venom. Now that he had a clearer idea of what they had done when they dragged Carol out of mah head, he didn't want them to do it again. He was protectin' me. Ah was grateful.

The exchange went on a while longer, but ultimately they figured if ah was well enough to argue ah was well enough to be let alone.

"Rogue?"

"Please don't talk. Please. Ah need it to be quiet foah while."

He obliged, and carefully took our shared body over to the bed to rest.

Ah wasn't shoah how much time passed, and since ah knew Scott was keepin' track ah didn't worry about it. Had to be several hours, because eventually Betsy came back to report. She was taken aback by mah appearance and Scott asked her to stand by. He asked me if it would be ok for him to take us to clean up, and ah told him to take it slow. He was gentle and clinical as he cleaned us up and at last stripped off the heavy, useless, dirty uniform. Leavin' the basics in place, he changed us into the same terrible pale linen that seemed to be all the fashion these days. Ah was past the point of embarrassment anyhow.

Gettin' the suit off and at least cleanin' mah face rejeuvenated me a little. Ah tried to perk up but left Scott in the driver's seat.

"Ok team. What's the report?"

Ororo and Betsy appeared in their places in the War Room, but both hesitated. He sighed, "She seems stable. It was…a lot worse than I thought. The expulsion bit is a dead end, we won't be trying again."

"What in tarnation are you talkin' about?"

Scott's incredulity colored everythin' foah minute. "We are absolutely not doing that again."

"It worked Scott."

"Only by violent self-destruction."

"It WORKED."

"I am NOT going risk brain damage and suicidal ideation for a half chance!"

Ororo gasped, Betsy's eyes popped, and Scott suddenly remembered they were here and they could hear him. He felt immediately abashed…and ah felt mad. And a little relieved to feel mad. But also mad.

"You think you can stop me? Ah've been mighty hospitable so far, Scott, but ah don't have to be," mah voice held a sharp warnin'.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've done terribly today. You have every right. I just-,"

"You just what?"

"I can't come up with a plan!" he growled with exasperation. "I have a responsibility to the team. We're not dead. We're not safe either. We're just hanging here in limbo and the longer we stay the less likely that succeed and it's my job to come up with a strategy and I'm empty-handed!"

Without missing a beat, Storm came to his side put a steadying hand on his shoulder, "That is not your job. You're a strong tactician but we've all been trained in leadership. You are one person and for heaven-sake Scott, how could anyone ask you to take this on alone, especially under the circumstances? We are a team."

"I'm open to ideas, Ro."

"Very well. We permit ourselves to be patient and we rally the captives, stage a revolt."

"And risk civilian lives?"

"They are already at risk, we'd simply ask them to defend themselves."

Betsy piped up, "Wait. What were you thinking before? With the collars and Rogue?"

Ah felt his resistance. He didn't want to say.

"Come on, fella. Don't make me fight you. Ah'm tired and crabby."

He sighed, "It was only half baked. Too many missing pieces. And we'd have to have some good luck on our side, which we've had absolutely none of since we arrived."

"Well, 'Ro and I had a little, so maybe let us give you our report and then maybe we can all work together to close the gaps?"

Turns out, Ororo had seen Hank. This good news was sorely needed and joyfully received. Hank was apparently well and had managed to ingratiate himself to the healers with his medical expertise. As a slave, he was not permitted the use of a collar and so was still in his unfamiliar form, but that didn't make him any less brilliant and endearing. They'd had very little time to speak as he was under guard. Slaves didn't have free movement like those in Ororo's cohort, mutants who had passed both the choice and the evaluation, and even less than we waivers enjoyed, but he was able to confirm that they did indeed receive medical treatment, which is how he became aware of the infirmary in the first place. En Sabah Nur wanted converts, not casualties. It seemed like Hank had moah to say, but they were unable to speak freely and had been parted befoah 'Ro got to the bottom of it. If Hank was ok, then there was a good chance Pietro was as well. It was a welcome relief.

Ororo hadn't discovered where the collars were being kept or how many there were, but she did find out that spares were issued to patrollers. She'd made tentative inroads with a captive on the patrol team and thought she could work herself into the position in short order, which might get us limited access.

At first, Scott was elated, but then ah felt him careen back down into dour antagonism.

"Spit it out! Or ah'm gonna reach into yoah head and tell everybody mahself!"

Heaving a deep sigh, he finally began, "Ok. Here's what I was thinking. It will not work, so we have to find a way to pivot. Rogue is a blind spot. The infirmary is not heavily guarded. If I knew she could reliably expel psyches once she absorbed them, then she could potentially absorb each of us – TEMPORARILY," he added when both Ororo's and Betsy's jaw dropped, "Which would put the whole team physically in the infirmary, unharmed, and psychically in her mental War Room, where we can strategize unobserved. If we could ensure our bodies all had collars, Rogue could expel us at an opportune time and we would be together, fully powered and able to spring to action. Total element of surprise."

He took a look at their shocked faces and added defensively, "It was an opportunity. The only one I could think of. I got over ambitious when the Scryers were able to extract Ms. Marvel."

Betsy crossed her arms, drumming her fingahs against her skin, "I don't think it would be a good idea for Rogue to absorb me. We're mentally incompatible."

"It wouldn't necessarily have to be every single one of us, just enough of us. We might be able to make exceptions and get a few there other ways."

"But even if Rogue could withstand that many personalities…which is a big 'if'…the whole thing is moot if she can't then expel us."

"Exactly."

Ororo knit her eyes together, and her next question was pure curiosity, "Why are you two getting along so well? In the past, psyches have always been antagonistic towards Rogue."

Scott addressed me, "Rogue, you wanna take that one?"

My brain groaned a bit, but ah tried to sort mah way through it, "First off, not always. Very rare exceptions. When people touch me instead of me touchin' them it tends to go better. But…this time…ah wanted to touch you. Ah didn't want to hurt you, ah was tryin' to save you. And Scott, ah guess you knew what ah was doin' and why…"

"And I was grateful. You were being protective and I was being grateful," he filled in our audience, "So presumably if we can keep calm intention and consent, we can coexist peacefully. It's really not too bad, although the tv options at the mansion are a little disappointing."

Betsy jumped in again, "But still, none of that matters if she can't expel us."

"Correct."

"But ah just did, didn't ah?"

"Yes, but you expelled a faded, weak shade from a long time ago. Not a whole person like Ms Marvel."

Betsy ignored Scott and addressed me directly, "So you want to try?"

Scott gave Betsy a sidelong glance, "We're not doing that to her. You didn't see what I saw in here. It's too risky."

"Isn't that risk hers to take or leave?"

Ororo jumped in, "We're missing a critical piece of this plan. Even supposing Rogue is willing, and even supposing we are successful, we need some idea of what we would do next. We still need an objective…a weakness."

The conversation halted.

Squaring off his shoulders, ever the leader, Scott started to close out the meeting, "Ok. Storm, Psylocke, great work today. Your findings are encouraging and give us something to work with. Rogue…I am not exaggerating when I say I am astounded. Even if plans change, your work today was something else."

Even as a half-dead, half-mad wraith wallowin' in mah own mind, Scott's praise still landed. He felt it and the corner of his mouth turned up just the slightest bit as he continued, "Ororo, get on patrol and see if you can find a path to the collars. If nothing else, we need to get Beast back in fighting form. Psylocke, see if you can use your abilities to find out where the slaves are being held or even if you can get hold of Beast himself to see what else he might know. Rogue has to rest, so I'll be in the War Room reviewing Beast's work with the Sentinel processor, see if anything shakes loose."

They nodded and left. Just me and Scott. Scott and me. The proverbial "we". Again. Some more.

His tone was matter-of-fact as he addressed me, "I had an idea that maybe emotional elevation might help you unlock your expulsion. I took it too far."

"You were right. And we've both been thinkin' it. Fearin' it. Avoidin' it. Maybe sayin' it isn't such a bad thing."

"I haven't been-,"

"Don't lie. Ah know yoah grateful and all that but ah'd be thinkin' exactly the same thing. It's what ah thought when Carol first took over."

He paused, "I had no idea your power was this hard. I knew it was hard but I just had no idea."

"We've walked moah than a mile in each other's shoes, huh sugah?"

"You don't have to keep trying. I'd be glad if you stopped. I don't ever want to see anything like that ever again."

Ah waited and measured mah words, "We gotta get out of here Scott. Yoah idea is the best one we've got. It's our best chance."

We sat in quiet, unsettled acknowledgment. And then eventually went to sleep.

Ah don't know how long ah slept. There was no natural light in our room, not that light works right in Antarctica to begin with. Ah imagine it was a long time. Ah woke slow and groggy, feelin' heavy. Ah took mah time in the mornin' getting mah bearings. Ah carefully checked on Scott, who was still studyin' away in the War Room. It occurred to me that he was tryin' to create a routine foah himself, and ah hoped it helped. Ah left as quietly as possible and locked the door behind me. Ah hoped he wouldn't notice foah while, but ah already knew ah had to keep tryin'. He didn't want to see. Ah didn't want him to see. But ah couldn't fight him and me at the same time.

There was no rush. Ah ate whatever food portion had been left while ah dozed and found it awakened rather than satisfied mah hunger. Ah wandered out into the large common area and managed to find moah. Another mutant told me there was no shortage of food and we'd been invited to have our fill. The room service was just to ensure we ate enough. Ah was glad and took full advantage, but ah couldn't tell you what ah had. Ah was on auto-pilot, skimming the surface.

Ah met with moah luck pursuin' a shower. Group showers were not gonna be an option foah me any day, but especially not today. But decency flat demanded ah do somethin' about mahself. It had been five days. Ah managed to find a small one with four showerheads unoccupied, stocked with basic hygiene items. The water was not hot, but it wasn't cold either. Took a little easin' in, but the clean water over mah sweaty, grimy skin was a luxury. There were moah of the non-descript linen clothing items and ah took a clean pair, tryin' not to think too hard about it. Ah was thankful to be able to cover the basics.

It was a strange feeling. This place could be some kind of otherworldly retreat if it wasn't…not. Ah felt somewhat restored and headed back to mah room. Once there, ah took some time to carefully stretch. Ah knew ah'd caught new trauma, a little movement certainly wouldn't hurt. Also ah was procrastinatin'. As dead set as ah was on masterin' mah new skill…ah was also in mortal dread of tryin' to feel that way again. Turns out ah wouldn't need to worry about it.

As ah sat folded in half, stretchin' the backs of mah calves and hamstrings, somethin' like a gale force wind descended upon me, causin' me to thrash and crash backwards on mah back to avoid bein' knocked over. It wasn't necessary, as ah quickly realized the sensation was in mah mind, not on mah body. But it had been a long few days.

"SCOTT!" Jean's voice rang out desperately and with authority, as though she was frantically searchin' foah him and knew she was close.

The locked door of the War Room was useless against her as the wall simply detached and blasted away into the nether at her approach, almost like it was embarrassed to have gotten in her way.

Her breath caught as she found him, and she rushed to him, gatherin' him in her arms.

This is mah story, but this is their moment. Ah couldn't help but witness it undah the circumstances, but ah'm not gonna share it with y'all. It wouldn't be fittin'. They love each other, y'know.

Once they finally settled down, Jean started thinkin', talkin', shoutin' at him a mile a minute. The B-team had arrived today. They had faced the choice, but when they learned that our group had tried and failed, they decided to avoid confrontation in the hopes they could find out what had happened to the team. At least one of the Scryers had taken some damage when they encountered the edge of the Phoenix coiled down deep inside Jean and she had quickly been given a waiver. Apparently she was the only one from her group. As soon as she'd been able to get alone, she'd projected herself, searchin' via their psychic rapport to see if Scott was still alive. And she was so glad she found him.

Until she realized where he was.

When those green eyes fell on me at last they were on fire. Ah really thought she was gonna murder me, and we both knew that here, in her element, ah didn't stand a chance. But Scott grabbed her wrist, forcin' her to lock eyes with him. They stayed that way what seemed a long time, and ah got the sense they were communicatin'.

Her shoulders slumped at last and she buried her head in his shoulder. He ran his fingahs through her hair and whispered in her ear. Ah felt like a useless sack of potatoes.

When she turned back to me again, her face was softer…moah herself. Ah couldn't feel that she didn't know whether to thank me or threaten me.

"Ah'm so sorry Jean. Ah wish ah coulda done better."

She didn't know whether to reassure me or challenge me.

"Ah'm tryin' mah best to learn how to fix this. That's why he was locked in – so he'd stop arguin'."

Her green eyes cut back to Scott foah half second. Finally, she used her voice to address me.

"I will help you." She wasn't offerin'. "Don't try again until I come." She gave one last glance to Scott, beggin' him to stay safe, and then left just as quickly as she came.

Scott fixed me with a pointed glare.

"Do not even," ah warned him, "This whole place is mine after all."

He cocked an eyebrow, "Well now I have backup, so just keep that in mind."

Ah rolled mah eyes, but ah was too happy foah him to conjure up any real aggravation.

Jean found her way to us in person some hours later, fully informed, resolute, and ready foah business.

"Rogue, show me."

Her tone was direct, but ah felt her restraint in letting me lead rather than plowin' straight through mah head until she found a way to get her lover out of it.

Ah nodded with great trepidation. Jean had been in mah head befoah, with good intent, but not without pain. Ah didn't know how much moah stamina ah had.

She took a deep breath as she joined us in the War Room, less dramatically this time, "I will be careful. I won't hurt you. I want to see what happened with the Scryers. And what happened yesterday. Maybe I can see more of how it works."

Scott's usually flat tone of command had the slightest edge of worry in it, "Keep your distance Jean. Don't meld, whatever you do. It's bad."

Ah fixed him with a glare, but ah figured it was probably useless. Ah had to show her either way, and he already knew. Jean nodded, and ah walked her through it as best ah could. As psychics do, she paused here, projected there, explored mah memories while ah tried to ignore the uncanny feelin' of invasion.

When she had finally satisfied all her questions, her face was softer.

"Rogue. When the Scryers took Ms. Marvel you had a stroke."

Ah knitted mah eyebrows together, unshoah of how to respond. Sounded serious.

"It's very serious. You need to understand how serious. And you still came back here and tried again. And you're still trying. I've known for some time how formidable your power can be under the surface, but this…"

Ah felt uncomfortable, bein' the center of conversation like this. Ah swallowed, "Did you get anythin' that might help?"

"I did…and on the one hand, I want Scott back so badly I can't breathe…but on the other hand, after seeing all this, I also don't want to ask that you try again, in case I'm wrong."

"Do you have any other ideas how we get ourselves out of this right proper mess?"

Jean had no answer.

"Then please help me."

She took a deep breath, and ah felt Scott listenin' intently.

"Based on your experience yesterday with Colossus, it appears the expulsion mechanism is tied to your limbic system – your emotional regulation. Your limbic system is tied to the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. When the Scryers activated it manually, they bypassed these support systems, depriving you of the nervous system response that would normally have guarded you against the worst of the pain."

Ah blinked, "Ok."

Ah could tell they were both tryin' to be patient with me as Jean continued, "Fight, flight, cortisol, dopamine, endorphins, all these allow our body and mind to stretch to accommodate experiences that threaten them. All of these were offline with the Scryers. It's similar to giving Pitocin to a woman in labor to increase contractions. It doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier and so the contractions don't trigger the endorphin release that is the body's natural method of managing pain. Bypassing your emotion-based systems will be extremely dangerous and potentially life threatening. Even though they 'healed' the damage they caused, these areas are still tender and delicate, which is complicating your efforts now to go about learning expulsion through your own initiative."

Ah tried to follow with extremely limited success. "So…ah have to have feelings online when ah expel to avoid brain damage?"

"Yes."

Ah thought of all the different psyches floatin' around mah head and foah a blink felt some excitement at the thought of finally bein' able to get rid of them all. But then ah remembered what kind of feelings it took to get Colossus out, and realized that goin' through that…over and over and over…

"Stay calm Rogue, I'm not finished. You do need an elevated emotional state, but it's uncertain exactly what kind. It's possible you could achieve the same effect with any emotion, not just the negative ones."

"Ah might also be able to do it if ah were really really happy?"

"That's my theory, yes. I wish Xavier were here to confirm, but I feel fairly confident he would say that's plausible."

Ah considered this with some optimism, but then paused, "Ah'm not shoah ah can do that here…now…"

"That's where I can help. One of the reasons I'm an effective psychic is because of my neurological understanding of the brain. I think I can manually stimulate your limbic system to product an elevated emotional state of your choosing, and then let you practice directing that elevation towards an expulsion."

Scott chimed in, "What are the risks?"

"I might not be able to precisely pull the right emotion, your mind is…"

"Bad?"

"Different than most," she corrected, "Also, with all the variables, I can't guarantee that your compensatory systems will be able to keep up: you may still incur damage."

Scott's mouth pressed into a hard line as he studied me and ah could feel his disapproval of the idea. It had the opposite effect on me.

"Yoah not in here foah mah protection, Scott. Yoah here foah yoahs. Ah've gone to a lot of trouble to save you and ah'm not givin' up when we're this close."

Ah looked back at Jean, who smiled gratefully at me. But then, something dark flitted across her face and her presence. Just as quickly, it vanished.

"Jean?" ah questioned.

"Errant thought. It wouldn't be helpful now. There will be time later."

Scott cocked his head to one side, equally perplexed. We both decided not to press.

"Ok Jean. Ah'm ready to try if you are."

Jean tried at first to use somethin' sort of positive/neutral. She cultivated a feelin' of interest. It was a strange sensation with no object. It felt like getting to the climax of a good book, or hearing shocking gossip, or being drawn into a puzzle, but there was no way to focus it. Ah felt wisps of the pressure sensation, but ah was distracted and couldn't see to get a good hold. She pivoted lightly over to somethin' moah like curiosity, but again, with no object it was an aggravation. A few moah light tries with no real momentum, but Jean was ever patient, bein' gentle.

Her voice was a doctor's voice, gentle and unjudgmental, "I think we will be better served working in collaboration. You are extremely critical of your feelings. I don't think you're really able to feel without analyzing. That analysis is proving a distraction."

"Sorry."

"No need for apology Rogue. You have been using what you can to cope, to control yourself. Everything here makes perfect sense. But it's been high functioning dysfunction. Your feelings have been incredibly unsafe for you. You have to resist your emotions or risk instability, but you have to feel to be fully yourself...fully alive. It's a catch-22. And to your credit, you've been asking for help. For years. For some other way. And there has been none."

Ah didn't know whether to validated or intruded upon, so ah didn't answer.

"But now the key to unlocking your abilities further lies in the area of your brain you have most strictly regulated. I can stimulate sensation, but…it's hard. You resist reflexively. And even when I am able to pull it into the conscious part of your mind, your inner critic launches and finds it false immediately, preventing you from connecting."

Scott tried to pull us back into the tactical, "What's your recommendation, Jean?"

"I want you to work with me. If you can conjure a feeling, a real one, based on real criteria, I think I would be able to amplify it to the level you need to execute the expulsion. Moreover, this task is easier for me, so I think I can also shield you from the worst of the pain and side effects. You are starting to build a resistance to that too: you may want to try this on paper but your subconscious mind is a different story."

Ah tried to survey mah emotional landscape. Right now ah just felt exposed.

"Take your time. Let's start with something positive."

Scott jumped in, "Hey! What about when we got my blasts under control? We were both really energized by that."

Ah was grateful foah the suggestion. Ah went back to that moment and let mahself feel the echoes of pride and accomplishment and energy and success, both mine and Scott's. Once the feelings stirred, ah felt Jean's connection, and her influence came with a strange sense of satisfaction, like a glass of water when yoah thirsty, or sittin' down when yoah tired. Ah invited it, and those feelings grew slowly and steadily into a swell.

There it was…that pressure. Ah grabbed it again, this time filled with an oversized helpin' of confidence. It grew. Of course it did. We could do anythin' together. It started to hurt, but this time the feelin' was on the other side of a thin glass, less. Ah could reframe it like the pain of a good workout…a worthy cost. The pressure grew and grew, fillin' mah whole mind and makin' it hard to concentrate, but ah held on.

Ah was expectin' a -POP!-, but this time it was moah of a -WHOOSH!-. The fissure dilated, still fast, but less immediate, less violent. The shades of Ramrod and Slab from back in Sinister's lair slipped through…and the fissure held.

Ah searched frantically, sensin' the opportunity was unlikely to last. Ah grabbed what was left of Gorgeous George and launched him through. Then Mystique's ghost. The fissure crashed shut.

We found ourselves back in the War Room, lookin' at each other wide-eyed.

Jean's smile was radiant. "Just think of me as training wheels."

But then blood ran down mah face again in the real world. Jean frowned as ah hauled over to the bathroom, tryin' to avoid makin' a horrible mess. The water was too cold when it hit mah face…it gave me a stabbin' headache.

Jean watched me, both worryin' and considerin'.

"Progress is progress, Jean. We expelled four shades at one time. With yoah help…ah think maybe ah can do this."

"I can protect your mind, but we need help for your body."

A took a deep breath, "Ah wish Logan were here."

Jean shifted and looked at the floor. That same shadow passed over her face, and this time it made the hair on the back of mah neck stand up.

Ah turned slowly, "Jean? What is that?"

She met mah gaze and steeled herself. Ah felt the thin sheet of glass spread through mah mind again, creatin' a barrier between mah thinkin' and feelin' selves.

"What are you protectin' me from?"

Her gaze was pleading, "I need you to trust me. This isn't the right time. I am going to tell you, but not right now. Our entire plan hinges on you. Please let me be careful with you."

Mah eyes went wide, "What in the sam hell are you protectin' me from?"

Jean cringed away from me, and at that moment, Betsy returned, interruptin' the conversation. She was breathless.

"Beast has information."

Neither she nor Jean reacted to each other's presence. Psychics.

We found ourselves inside mah War Room. Betsy addressed Jean, "Do you think we can risk bringing him here? I know there will be questions. Was I right in thinking this place is shielded?"

"It's definitely ambiguous, you and I would be harder pressed if Rogue wasn't helping us. But why don't we see if we can improve the defenses, since we're here?"

Ah wasn't sure exactly what they were doin' or how, but a had a strange feeling that if we left the X-mansion right now, Westchester would look wildly different than it had in most recent memory. Jean and Betsy asked us to hold so they could remove themselves physically. No need for us to draw attention to ourselves in the physical realm, now that we could meet on mind.

Once Betsy and Jean felt confident, Betsy checked to see if Hank was safe to join us, and then brought him in. Here, he was his usual blue self and it was a source of great relief to me. However he wasted no time on whatever his emotional landscape was, rather blurting out urgently, "It's BIOLOGICAL!"

"What is?" Scott asked directly.

"The whole thing! This! This place! Scott, it's a single organism!"

We all leaned back in our chairs as if someone had shoved us.

"That's why we could not have been successful in defeating him in combat. The humanoid shape is, technically, him, but merely a fragment, a presentation – a rouse!"

Scott's voice was uncertain, "What does this mean?"

"Well it means we are in a much worse position than I thought. The barrier we crossed was in fact a dermis of sorts. He has integrated himself at a molecular level with the surrounding environment, and some of these structures have been augmented with technology, but most are organic; respiratory, circulatory, etc. This entire structure is, in fact, En Sabah Nur. We are literally inside him."

Reelin' with this revelation, we started in with loads of questions. Hank had some answers, but not many. He couldn't say how En Sabah Nur came to be here, or how he had been able to take such a shape, or whether he really was five thousand years old. He couldn't be fully certain of what levels of awareness En Sabah Nur had of all that went on inside this place, but he felt confident there were areas of ambiguity – "after all, we ourselves are swarming with bacteria and other foreign bodies, yet almost never consciously aware of their endeavors."

Finally, as usual, Scott came back around to strategy, "What are the weaknesses? How does this help us defeat him?"

Hank shook his head, frustrated, "I am extremely limited in my current role. I have so many questions and I cannot study! My only thesis is based on conjecture, and weak conjecture at that."

"I accept. What do you have?"

"The blue pulse. It seems to be a literal pulse. I noticed very quickly that it was not without deviation, as it would be if it were machine or electronic-based. Though machines can create randomized patterns, what would be the purpose of that? I have been measuring it mentally, though unable to keep records. It is consistent, or consistent enough, with healthy human heart rate variability."

We waited foah him to continue. He looked at us as though waiting foah a reaction. Finally he sighed an unusually exasperated sigh, "Which would mean there's a HEART. Assuming arrested heart rate would be as fatal for this organism as anything else that has one, it gives us some means of defeating him."

Scott jumped up, "HANK! It goes without saying but you're a GENIUS! This is exactly what we needed!"

"While always glad to exceed expectations Scott, I am compelled to temper your enthusiasm. I cannot be totally certain, given the singularity of this organism, that the pulse is a pulse. It is likely, but not certain. I have been trying to map out the biology with limited resources and success. I will spare everyone the details, but if my theory holds correct, the heart would be massive…and inaccessible."

"What do you mean 'inaccessible'?" Betsy pressed.

"The pulse seems to originate at the tower's base, but my calculations, rugged as they are, mean that the heart is likely hundreds or thousands of feet underground."

Ah pressed mah fingahs to mah forehead. It was like we kept gettin' so close and then hittin' a brick wall again and again.

Scott's eyebrows were lowered at this newest obstacle, but his mind was furiously racin' as he thought out loud.

"My blasts would take too long to reach it. Storm's lightening would get grounded. What about Jean's telekinesis?"

"I don't think I could do it blind," Jean said apologetically.

"Could we find an artery, or block it from what we can see?"

"That would require a very specific opportunity and an extrapolation of the data."

Jean focused her attention on Scott, and suddenly he jumped and turned to look at her, aghast. Jean's answerin' expression was grim. Then they both looked at me. Ah leaned away warily and waited. The air in the room got still, and again ah felt an awareness of the thin barrier between mah thoughts and feelin's from earlier, as though it was hardenin' even further.

"Gambit might be able to do it," Jean stated simply. It didn't land. Felt like ah didn't hear it. Must be some mistake.

Betsy jumped out of her chair, "Do you mean to say-?!"

"He's here, but we don't know where he is. I haven't been able to find him. So is Logan."

Ah don't remember decidin' to get up. Ah didn't even realize ah was walkin'.

"Scott." Jean commanded pointedly.

He grabbed hold of mah body, calmly bringin' me back to mah room and sat me on the bed.

Ah leveled my gaze on Jean, absolutely numb. "Get me to him."

"I don't know where he is."

"What does that mean?"

Jean sighed heavily, then gave me a vision. There they were, in the great room, the same we had first been brought to. Bound in pairs.

Jean and Colossus, Magneto and Sabretooth, Blob and Logan, Jubilee and…Remy.

En Sabah Nur was in the midst of his speech, the same one he gave us, when his eyes landed on Remy, inhuman face twisting into a cruel smile.

"At last."

Remy set his jaw, his face cool and inscrutable, holdin' his gaze. He was the most beautiful thing ah'd ever seen.

"Without setting a single trap, I collect such amazing beings. I can sense already that he was wise to esteem you so highly."

"I don' know what you mean, homme," his velvet voice was hard.

"You've managed to overcome his hindrance, without my assistance, no less."

"You gon' keep wit' de riddles or tell us mo' about dis choice, hahn?"

En Sabah Nur studied him, like an exotic bug under a glass, curiosity and admiration. "Let them worry about the choice. I already have a place prepared for you."

He nodded to his lackeys, and they came to take him. Ah tried helplessly to rush toward him, to defend him, even knowin' how hopeless it was. The memories of the rest of the team rallied around me to do the same but were as helpless as we had been without their powers.

Remy called out, his voice unalarmed. It didn't fool me. "Don' waste it! Don't worry about ol' Gambit, I'll rendez-vous as soon as I can!" At his final word, the door closed between us. The vision ended.

The air in the War Room was silent. Everyone was watchin' me, waitin'.

Ah set mah gaze on Jean. "Grab onto Scott and let go of me." My voice was even and dangerous.

"Rogue-,"

"Grab onto Scott, and LET GO OF ME."

Jean barely had time to lay hands on Scott befoah ah shattered her barrier mahself. Mah feelin's came rushin' in, too strong foah words. Ah ignored them and waited foah the pressure.

Ah felt it at once, and ah threw all mah weight behind it.

"Rogue WAIT!" Jean cried, "Scott let go of her body! Betsy, you and Hank get out of here!"

Betsy and Hank vanished as the terror and rage swelled. Ah ripped open the fissure from top to bottom, tearin' and slashin' it open. Ah gave no thought to the pain. He was here. He came foah me. And now he was in danger. Ah would be whatever ah had to be, do whatever ah had to do. En Sabah Nur COULD NOT have him.

Ah sent a rushin' wave through mah mind, crashin' on every shore, into every crevice. It was excruciatin' and ah couldn't see or hear, but ah could still think. Ah thought of all the shades lurkin'. Brotherhood. Xmen. Morlocks. Mutants. Humans. Cody.

Ah caught them in mah wave, and with all the force ah could muster ah shoved them away from me and through the gap.

Ah felt the blood runnin' down mah face and ignored it. Ah felt mah body seize and fall from the bed to the floor. Ah ignored it. Ah felt a sharp and stingin' pain in mah eyes and realized that blood vessels had burst. Ah ignored it. Ah pushed and pushed and felt every jolt and reverberation as each ghost passed through.

Once ah felt completely empty, ah finally let go. The fissure snapped shut, and everythin' went black foah time. Mah body rebelled and ah let it, but ah fought to keep mah mind. It was like holdin' onto a cliff face with one fingah.

Ah have to get to Remy. Ah have to get to Remy. Ah have to get to Remy.

It wasn't in words, it was the feelin'. The determination. The hysteria.

Mah mind's eye came back befoah my actual vision. The War Room slowly rematerialized…altered. The table was smashed. The chairs toppled. The screens all showed static. Beams and wires hung from the ceiling. A wall was missin'. Jean and Scott sat huddled on the floor, she had spread herself over him and shielded them both. The shield shimmered and wavered…weak and tired.

After some time, she looked up, terror written plainly on her face. She saw me.

"Jean. They'll be comin' to take me to the infirmary. You need to get here first. Get here and touch me. Some way you can't undo. Yoah up first."

Slowly, she lowered her shield. Scott looked up at me.

"You're moving too fast. We need to plan. I don't know what happens if you absorb a whole person in your condition."

"Jean can protect you and keep mah mind intact. She can communicate with others, even if ah'm physically incapacitated."

"Rogue what are you thinking?" Jean's voice was shrill.

"The same thing you were thinkin' when you rushed in here to find Scott. The plan is still the plan. Ah'm shoah ah can do it. I'll get as many of us as ah can into the infirmary, and then ah'll use all our powers combined to get to Remy. With you protectin' mah mind, and Logan protectin' mah body, ah can get all of you out. Then you take Remy to the tower and let him blow this whole place up."

"We don't know that he can."

"He CAN!"

"How do you know that?"

"Because he feels the same way about me that ah do about him. If ah can do this, he can do that," the certainty ah felt, the certainty in mah voice, caused mah heart to thunder. With everyone gone and full command of mah mind, there was nothin' confusin' about me and Remy.

The entire scene flickered and twisted, and ah realized somethin' was broken. Ah wouldn't have much longer.

"There's no time, Jean. Get here."

Scott and Jean looked at each other wildly, searchingly. Scott nodded once, and a second later Jean disappeared.

Then there was almost nothin'. Broken words. Glimmers of warped images.

The next thing ah knew, ah felt mahself wakin' up. Ah felt…fine. Normal. Like ah was wakin' up on a Saturday after a good night's sleep in mah bed at home. But the light behind mah eyes was wrong. The sound was wrong. The smell was wrong.

It took time to place mahself. Ah wanted to jump up, but ah quickly realized it would be better to proceed with caution. Mah eyes creaked open just a slit. Ah'd expected the infirmary, but ah was wrong. Ah was in some kinda medical bay, but alone. Walls, not curtains. Wires and cords were connected. Ah let mah eyes close again.

A gruff, familiar voice rang out in mah head, "Not surprised at all to find you in the driver's seat, darlin'."

Ah felt Jean gently drawin' me back, back into the War Room. It was pristine again, and a new figure sat at the table.

Ah'd never been so happy to see anybody in mah whole life. Ah ran to Logan and grabbed him so hard he woulda burst like a grape in the real world. He held me back just as tightly, and ah wished ah could feel it properly. Ah wanted the bruises.

Scott's voice was cool. He was in mission mode. "Catch her up, Jean."

Jean had made it to me befoah the medical team. She had wedged her hand in the back of mah shirt between me and the floor. She was fully on deck now, with me and Scott. She had been workin' tirelessly to put the place back together as we both got transported to the infirmary.

Betsy was operatin' comms and got the whole team up to speed on the plan and progress. Logan had come runnin' first thing, no questions asked. He'd boarded this ill-fated flight while ah lay in the infirmary. He was now with the others, but Hank had reported that ah'd been moved to a solitary holding area as a result. Jean was already a waiver, but Hank had been able to confirm that Logan had received a collar once admitted. It was goin' according to plan. The team decided to give recovery time befoah tryin' anythin' else.

Ah had goosebumps. Ah had four whole personalities in mah head. We were really doing it.

"How do you feel?" Scott asked. This wasn't personal. We needed to keep movin'. The mission was underway.

Ah waited to answer. As ah had befoah, ah checked mah body one piece at a time, bottom to top, slowly tensin' and releasin' muscles. Everythin' felt sound.

"Physically, ah feel stout and steady."

Logan snarled and a picture flashed befoah mah eyes. My body laid limp on the bed. Mah face, throat and chest were drenched in dried and dryin' blood. Blood in mah ears. Blood in mah eyes. Ah cringed away reflexively.

"Wolverine, that's not helping."

Logan went wide-eyed when he realized what he'd done. "Not used to bein' in here. Sorry."

"Cyclops, show them how to use mah body. We need to practice." Mah voice was surprisingly calm. Ah was still resolute.

"Physically you're fine, first we need to evaluate your mental state."

Ah felt somethin' like offense but Jean jumped in, "You gave yourself a brain bleed. We need to check the basics before we start body jumping."

Jean took me through some routine lucidity checks. Ah passed.

"We don't know what this feels like from your perspective. How are you holding up, carrying all of us?"

With all the other personalities cleared, mah mind still felt moah spacious than ah cold even remember. It was like bein' a kid and getting' off the swings, that electric feelin' as you finally untensed yoah fingahs and realized how tight you had been holding. Except ah'd been swingin' foah over a decade and it was mah mind. That's as close as ah can get ya.

"Ah'm…great. Ah'm better than ah was befoah. Better than ah have been in a long time. Y'all doin' all right?"

"Peachy," Logan tossed flippantly. Ah grinned at him in spite of mahself. Ah can't even tell you how much ah had missed him. His presence made me moah confident, and ah needed all the confidence ah could get.

Scott cleared his throat, "Rogue, I'm making you the field leader for the remainder of the operation. The team has been notified."

Mah eyes popped open wide and ah had to squeeze them shut again.

"You are going to have the earliest knowledge of your status, what you can handle, and what you can't. You've demonstrated leadership decisions. From here on out, we're awaiting your orders."

Ah'd never led a field mission befoah. Scott's the field leader. Ah was flabberghasted.

Logan raised an eyebrow, "Well boss?"

Ah tried to reign mah thoughts into some kinda order, but then ah heard footsteps in the physical realm.

"Vitals are exemplary," said Hank's familiar voice. Ah opened mah eyes at last, and shoah enough there he was, with his familiar/unfamiliar human form, flanked on either side by mutants with collars. His gaze met with mine and gave the slightest nod.

Takin' a deep breath and keepin' his eyes meaningfully, ah slowly started to sit up. "Ah'm surprised you passed up an opportunity like this."

Hank hesitated, then set his face in an angry scowl, "I wouldn't take a cheap shot. I'm not like you."

Ah raised an eyebrow, "No?" Ah started pullin' sensors off. "That's right. Always self-righteous. Easy to be when you care moah about data than people."

Hank barked out a mean laugh, "I'll put my brand of 'caring' against yours any day. Besides, I wanted to look you in the eye when I asked you how it felt, murdering him? Perhaps you'd like to see first-hand the consequences of your actions?"

Ah snapped back at him, "He came after me first. We were in danger. He had it comin'."

"Don't talk about him that way!" he bellowed, "You had been planning it since it happened! It's what you wanted!"

The guards took an uncertain step forward, unsure of what to make of our exchange.

Ah jumped to mah feet, rippin' away from what was left of the monitorin' devices.

Ah kept mah voice low and dangerous, "Ah'm feelin' fine now, Beast. You wanna take that shot?"

With an expression of full rage, Hank kicked me in the stomach hard enough to knock me backwards into the wall. Ah felt Logan's regeneration kick in immediately: ah barely had time to register the impact. The guards grabbed Hank by either arm, startin' to drag him away. Ah shot optic blasts at their feet, causin' them to release him and jump back. Once Hank was clear, ah launched mahself towards him, "Gloves are off, sugah!" Ah grabbed both sides of his face and held on. Hank reached up, grabbin' mah bare arms with his bare hands, and then closed his eyes.

Moments later, ah dropped him to the floor. The guards looked shaken as their eyes darted back and forth between his still form and mah furious countenance.

"Miss…we have orders to escort you back…"

"You plannin' ta make me?" Ah held one hand aloft, a clear threat.

The other one tried to appeal, "Come on, ma'am…you don't want to attract his attention do you? We don't want any trouble. We're just doing the best we can here."

Ah saw the lack of resolve, and ah shoved past them, "Well do it somewhere else."

As soon as ah rounded the corner ah picked up the pace.

"Psylocke, how do ah get from here to the rest of the team?"

"I've got you, just keep moving." Ah suddenly felt shoah of mah steps.

Cyclops' whispered so only ah could hear, "You got this. Focus only on what you need to do. Don't stop until you've done it. We're here. You tell us what you need."

"Ah need you all in the Danger Room. It'll make it easier foah me to use you. Beast, program it so everyone has a front row seat. Let's stay together."

"MOVE OUT." Cyclops was the first out the door of the War Room as they moved to follow mah direction.

Psylocke confirmed, "Team's expecting you, Rogue."

"Psylocke, take up position in the infirmary. Make sure everyone gets there safe. Confirm arrivals."

"Roger that."

Ah felt adrenaline start to surge in mah system. The mission was in full swing. Ah needed to get the team, rescue Gambit, and get him to the tower to stop the heart. That was only three things. Three nearly impossible things, but only three.

As ah walked, a thought occurred to me…there was a fourth thing, actually. We had to get back out…

Ah guarded mah thoughts and kept mah pace. Fine, four things, but one at a time.

Ah rounded a corner and found mah path firmly blocked. Jubilee stood, feet firmly planted, face set like stone. Ah hesitated. Ah was so glad to see her. She was so young. Ah felt a low growl rumble through me and ah knew who it belonged to – he was havin' the same feelin'.

But Jubilee smirked and blew a bubble. How in the world she had gum, here, ah have not discovered to this day. She held one hand out and nodded confidently, "Here goes nothing, heroes."

Ah smiled back at her and ignored the fact that mah vision blurred. Jubilee is an Xman. Like all of us. Ah clasped her hand and we pulled tight. She jumped when she felt mah power kick in, but she kept her eyes fiercely on mine as long as she could. Then she wilted, faded, and finally collapsed.

When she realized she was in the Danger Room, she rolled her eyes, "Are you serious? I've been transported directly from Antartica into friggen gym class?"

"Head in the game, pipsqueak," Logan tried to keep the disapproval out of his voice and was not entirely successful.

"Don't call me pipsqueak, Fuzzball," she retorted, but turned her attention to the task at hand, takin' her position at his side.

Ah pressed on, hopin' to get off the scene befoah anyone stumbled upon it.

"Jean, can you help me get our teammates discovered ASAP but keep folks from getting their suspicions up? Ah gotta move fast, don't wanna be stopped but we need all our people in that infirmary with a collar."

"On it."

"Storm's in her chamber, she's ready. I'll get you there," Psylocke's voice was militant.

"Anybody following me yet?" Ah asked.

"Not yet. You spooked Beast's guards, and there's…something else going on. Trying to find out more can only do so many things at one time."

"Prioritize getting to the infirmary, then we can look into that. Ah'm not meeting with any resistance."

"The main holding area is pretty chill, with no powers they give everyone free reign and minimal oversight. Nothing we can really do," Jubilee offered helpfully.

Ah made it to Storm's room, and she sat waitin' expectantly, already wearing a collar.

"I managed to make the patrol. I figure anything to save us a step."

"Well done Storm. Since that's the case, you could just go to the infirmary yoahself. We don't have to do it this way."

She set me with a level gaze, "I will be helping to find Gambit. I will stay with you. Besides, you are used to having flight at your disposal."

Ah took a deep breath. There simply wasn't time. "Friends?" ah offered, hopin' she would take mah full meanin'.

"Always."

Moments later, Storm joined the team in the Danger Room.

"Jubilee has just arrived in the infirmary. They've put the collar on. There's something happening in the main assembly, Colossus is there,"

"Check in Rogue, you holdin' steady?"

"Y'all are being very gracious guests. Ah'm startin' to feel the stretch, but ah got this."

Ah picked up the pace, wonderin' if ah could even get Colossus if it was a crowded space. Ah wondered if maybe the existin' team was already good enough as it was, but then remembered that with Carol gone, we had no real strength to speak of. No tellin' what it was gonna take to get Gambit back. Ah would take no chances.

Ah followed Psylocke's urgin' and found a common area slowly fillin' up with a crowd and hushed whispers, their focus on a raised platform at the extreme other end of the room. Ah followed their attention and saw none other than Sinister standin' grandly, his signature scowl firmly affixed. The sight of him stopped mah breathin' foah minute, the same old fear remembered at an inopportune moment. He wasn't speakin' yet, just standin'.

Ah felt a hand on mah shoulder and nearly jumped out of mah skin. When ah turned, piercin' blue eyes peered out of a poetic face, crowned by raven black hair. Mah favorite student. He smiled at me casually, unaffected, as though we really were in study hall.

"Come, sit with me," his big Russian voice boomed playfully.

He led me over to sit on the floor at the back of the room, backs to the wall. Amazingly, in this room we shared with over a hundred people now, not one person was payin' attention to us. All eyes were glued with trepidation to the platform and it's single macabre inhabitant.

He reached over gently, interlockin' his fingahs with mine. As mah power started to pull, he managed to force out through gritted teeth, "Funny how the tables turn, da?"

Ah moved away from where Piotr slumped against the wall, eyes starin' emptily, and forced mahself not to look at him. Ah focused on the way he looked in the Danger Room, strong as metal and ready foah anythin'. Ah melted into the crowd.

First step complete. Ah had the team. Anybody who was comin' anyway. Ah knew gettin' everyone was gonna be easier than puttin' 'em back, but ah wouldn't allow mahself to dwell on that now.

"Storm just arrived at the infirmary. Collar confirmed." Psylocke rang out with a note of triumph.

It was time foah step two. Ah was powered up, and ah was gonna save Remy Lebeau. So far, we were on plan.

Until we weren't.

"Brothers! Sisters! Mutants, all! We have glad news for you at last! The master wishes to share a glorious development with you personally. We are one step closer to a just world! Welcome our host and master, En Sabah Nur!"

Sinister stepped aside with a flourish of showmanship as the hulking humanoid form of En Sabah Nur materialized from the shadows. A hush fell on the crowd. It was the first ah'd seen of him since we'd faced him in the arena. His inhuman impression was fresh and astounding again. As he solidified, his gaze was fixed and set…on me.

Ah froze, unable to look away. But there was a knowledge, a knowing in those deep set eyes that set mah blood cold.

He knew. Of course he knew. How could he not know? It was all foah naught. He was toyin' with us, just like he had in the arena. Lettin' us test him. Lettin' us embarrass ourselves and crush our own hopes.

Ah stood holdin' mah breath, lost as to mah next move, when he smiled warmly and then looked away. With his otherworldly eyes off me, ah wondered if ah had imagined it. There was no alternative. The show had to go on, as they say.

Mah brain started kickin' again, and ah realized this was a perfect diversion foah me to search foah Gambit. Ah started slowly backin' away, one eye on the door, workin' on gettin' out of the room.

Ah was startled when En Sabah Nur's regal voice broke the silence, makin' me jump along with everyone else.

"Every mutant has a vital place, an intrinsic, undeniable value in the new world order. As you know, we have invested in each of you since your arrival, helping you to capture your true potential, your true selves."

The crowd was captivated, and ah found mahself unable to fully disengage, even as ah tried movin' towards the door.

"But building a new world requires much. As we have learned about the state of mutant-kind, we have been searching for those who are worthy to be set apart. Generals to usher in and foster the new age. Icons to inspire new generations. Benefactors to share in my great labor. Harbingers, to bring about the Apocalypse of what is. Today, I submit to you the first. He who shall bring us one step closer to our new reality."

You could have heard a pin drop. Anticipation foah what was to come. Unconsciously ah rocked forward on the balls of mah feet, as though ready to take flight, though ah didn't know where or why.

"I give you…DEATH."

A militant figure, austere and noble in his silver and black armor, stepped up to the right hand of En Sabah Nur, settin' a challengin' gaze on the crowd. At his back was a silver staff. His face was angled, ink black, difficult to make out the features. His bluish white hair provided him a supernatural crown. But those eyes…

Ah took one step forward, then another.

The figure dropped to one knee, pressing a fist to his chest. A voice poured proudly from his lips, a voice with a familiar lilt, "I serve En Sabah Nur."

With no thought, Ah ran straight foah him.

47