Chapter 02
Reviews:
Midnight lost: Not a bad start, though a few minor grammatical errors.
Harry should always be capitalized, that is the primary one. Unsure why you put some words in all caps, as there is really no need for it. Unless to portray frustration of the character. Kind of just runs on.
And my final pet peeve is how you have the rabbit, the dragon, and Harry all speaking in the same block of text. While not bad in the small section you did this in towards the end, it is best not to be in the habit of writing it like that, as it can lead to reader confusion when it starts happening in larger blocks of texts.
So best to split up all dialogue for easy reading.
Now, with all the nitpicking out of the way, I am interested in seeing how you progress further with this idea.
Keep it up!
Answer: FINALLY, some constructive criticism. Thank you so much for that.
Regarding the grammar errors, i use google docs, and it doesn't always correct the errors. I use the caps for frustration, of course, but i also use it to emphasize points.
Regarding the talking of the dragon and rabbit, think of them like twins, at times one will start and the other will finish. Just like the weasley twins in a good portion of HP stories, but i will take your suggestion into consideration.
I plan to keep this story going as long as i feel it should.
Volcasiron30: awesome job
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Answer: thanks
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Harry, the dragon and the rabbit had been cuddling for over 10 minutes, when the dragon and rabbit got up, leaving harry to pout a bit in sadness. "Now, now, hatchling, there's no need to pout. After all, there is a discussion that we must have," the dragon said.
"I agree with the dragon. Despite REALLY enjoying the cuddling, there's some business we need to attend to," the rabbit grudgingly accepted.
Those statements got harry's attention, as did the seriousness of their expressions. "What do we need to talk about?" harry asked. "It's rather simple, hatchling," the dragon said. "Before we begin, do you know where you are?" the dragon asked.
"We're in my imaginary escape, aren't we?" harry asked.
"No, we are not, hatchling," the dragon denied somewhat gently.
If it's not my imagination, where are we?" harry wondered out loud.
"It's kinda simple, little one. We are within your mindscape," the rabbit said.
"What's a mindscape?" harry asked.
"A mindscape is, essentially, a representation of one's own soul," the rabbit said.
"Moreover, there are times that a soul is reborn after it is wiped clean. However, there are times where the soul remembers its past life."
"Okay?" harry was confused.
"Harry, when a soul dies, the soul is then reborn after it's memories are wiped clean, and the soul becomes a baby," the rabbit tried to clarify it for harry.
Harry was a bit less confused, at that.
Seeing his expression, the dragon sighed and said "don't worry, hatchling. I'm sure you will understand it better when you are older."
However, what the dragon and rabbit said about past lives made harry curious. He went towards one of the objects that he got out of the cave, an inkwell, and he touched it.
Ugh, despite being a captain, WHY MUST THERE BE SO MUCH DAMN PAPERWORK?! *sigh* i bet paperwork was only invented to make people FEEL their soul dying
Harry jerked his hand away from the inkwell.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" harry yelled.
"Those were some of the memories of your previous life. You were a military leader in your past life. That particular memory was his personal thoughts on paperwork."
Hearing that, harry ran into the cave. "Sigh, i suppose we should go after him," the dragon said. "Agreed," the rabbit said. And so, the went into the cave, as well.
We see harry, breathing heavily, and particularly deep inside the cave. When he raised his head, he saw a rusty door with rusty hinges and saw it was bound shut by rusty chains. what is that door? Harry wondered. He reached out to touch the door. Just before he touched it, however, the dragon and rabbit came into the room. The dragon and rabbit saw that he was about to touch the door, and they were about to call out to him to NOT touch the door. Unfortunately, harry touched the door before the words formed on their lips, and harry froze. The dragon rushed forth, and FORCEFULLY removed harry from the door.
In harry's perspective, he sees a MASSIVE amount of bloodshed, enough to make even retsu unohana think twice about doing. He saw a person, a man, causing the bloodshed. The man was SMILING and LAUGHING at the amount of death that he caused. Just before harry was pulled away from the door, he saw an old man with a long beard going down to his waist, bound in purple ribbons. The old man had a cane that turned into a sword, and the old man drew his sword and charged. Just before they clashed, harry was pulled from the memory.
Once harry was outside, he began puking his stomach out. As he did so, the dragon and rabbit shared a look. They were wondering how much he saw. However, they knew that he saw all the death their previous wielder caused.
"What was that?" harry managed to ask, once he managed to finish hurling.
"That, harry, was what your previous life was like, before he was defeated by the one that would become his commander, and one of the VERY few that EVER managed to get his respect," the dragon sadly stated.
"Do you hate us now, little one?" the rabbit sadly asked.