CHAPTER 5: THE FOX AND THE FROG
"Now it seems to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table"
The horizon was barren, there was nothing but the plains and the night sky. It was freezing here, and in the distance, she heard the very distinct howl of a coyote. It was high and profound, and it reverberated against her soul, somehow it sounded like it was in pain. It yipped and barked with maddening desperation.
Why is it in pain? She asked the dancer on the moon. And as her tears turned to freezing rain, the coyote howled once more. Its howl was desperate and heartbreaking, and she wished she could hold it. When it finally appeared before her, she tried to reach for it. But it bit her, and she recoiled, the bite marks in her hand made way for flowers to bloom. She smiled as she plucked one of the flowers. When she looked at the coyote, she wasn't angry, or even hurt, she just wanted to offer it the flower. The coyote was in so much pain that it backed away, and she knew that only she had the power to heal it.
It's ok, I promise I won't hurt you, she whispered gently, but the coyote backed away and snarled before turning tail and disappearing into the darkness.
It won't let you touch it, a soft voice whispered behind her.
I know, it's in so much pain. I can feel it.
Yes, it is, the poor thing, will you heal it?
I would like to.
Then see me.
She turned around to face the dancer on the moon. With her heart full of love she kissed the constellation's lips. It felt cold but reassuring. That cold engulfed her with a warmth that seduced her body. The dancer on the moon unraveled and wrapped herself around her and her touch felt like silk.
The silky touch trickled from her lips down her neck, making her shudder. It spread everywhere, and it sent her into a spiral of sensations. Waves of pleasure rocked the very core of her essence, and it frightened her. Those sensations were far more intense than the fire she had once become so familiar with. The intensity of it all drove her to a reality-shifting orgasm that thankfully felt like drowning.
Sunday.
A persistent vibration disrupted her confusing dream and she awoke with a start. She sat up quickly untangling herself from the body lying next to her. Her hands fumbled looking for the source of the vibration. But she stopped, her heart was pounding and she felt dizzy. She placed a hand on her face and noticed she'd been sweating and breathing hard. But worst of all, there was a familiar sense of longing between her thighs. What the hell was that dream? She thought. But the vibration started again and snapping out of her trance, she resumed looking for it and finally found it buried deep within the sheets. When she pulled it out, the blue light blinded her, and she had to squint to make anything out. The only thing she really noticed was that it was 3:15am.
"Hi? H-hello?" Aubrey asked groggily into her phone.
"Hey! Sorry, did I wake you?" Jesse's voice was clear and energetic.
"What? Jesse? It's 3am," Aubrey responded in a whisper, she didn't want to wake up Stacie. But she couldn't mask her annoyance.
"I am so sorry! I just landed in Munich and totally blanked on the time difference."
Aubrey nodded and yawned. "Uh-huh, did you get any sleep on the flight? You know how you get after those long flights."
"Nope! I had a cup of coffee though, there's so much to do! I'm meeting with another studio soon. I think I can get us some gear on the cheap!"
Just a cup of coffee? "Jesse, exactly how much coffee have you had?"
"Oh just—you know, all of it."
Aubrey exhaled frustrated. She remembered how Jesse got when he was over-caffeinated. It was similar to giving methamphetamine to a Golden Retriever, funny at first but exhausting.
"That's great, but I'm really tired, and this is a lot of energy for 3am. We'll talk later, OK?"
"Alrighty! Wait! Um, is it cool if I call you Bree-Bree again? I kinda miss it. Feels weird calling you Aubrey."
"Um, sure, fine." Whatever, I'm too tired to care right now.
"Awesome, oh wait, real quick though, how are you? You good? You having fun with Stacie and B.B.?"
Aubrey glanced over to Stacie sleeping on the bed next to her.
"Yeah, I'm good. Good night."
"I'm so glad to hear that, alright good night Bree-Bree."
She had agreed to it but still, when she heard him utter those words she involuntarily cringed. She quickly ended the call and stared at her phone. She had been having such a good time yesterday with Stacie and B.B. that she forgot that he said he'd call when he landed. The time difference was something neither of them had considered going into this arrangement. Which was extremely unusual for her. In an effort to make up for it, she started to think about the logistics and she unconsciously started to bite her nails.
On the other side of the bed, Stacie shifted, irritated that her comfort had been disrupted. She slowly opened her eyes and through the blurry darkness saw Aubrey's face enshrouded by the blue light of her phone. Irritated, she sat up, grabbed Aubrey's phone, tossed it aside and pulled her down next to her again.
"Sleep," she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around Aubrey once more and grumbled something else. Stacie buried her face in the crook of Aubrey's neck. Initially, Aubrey was surprised by this but instead of being miffed she found it amusing and had to stifle a laugh.
Even half-asleep you know when I need you huh?
Stacie murmured something else unintelligible and rocked her gently. Thoughts of logistics, terms of endearment, and golden retrievers vanished from her mind. Aubrey eventually fell back into a peaceful sleep.
Aubrey lapsed between consciousness and unconsciousness. She was there and she was nowhere. Both asleep and awake she only saw darkness, which was preferable to confusing dreams of foxes and dancers on the moon. She didn't know what time it was, only that it was nice and warm thanks to Stacie.
To be held so protectively was just what her heart had needed all this time. It was unfortunate but even when things were good with Jesse, cuddles like this mostly led to a familiar poking at the small of her back and sex. Then they'd turn away from each other and sleep.
Around 6am, Aubrey felt Stacie shift and stir as she started to wake, and out of some misguided instinct Aubrey pretended to be asleep.
She wasn't sure why she did it; perhaps it was a habit carried over from the "bad" mornings after the incident where Jesse would sneak out of bed and she would pretend to be asleep.
The bed rocked gently as Stacie sat up and yawned. Stacie leaned over, hovering inches from her face. Aubrey could feel the warmth of her breath. She was amazed that Stacie didn't have morning breath, if anything she could just make out the faint sweet smell of the chocolate and scotch they had last night. Still, Aubrey didn't move an inch. Then Stacie gently brushed aside the strands of golden hair from her forehead and gently kissed it. Aubrey flinched at the sudden coolness of her lips.
"Bree, sweetie, I have a six-year-old, I can tell when someone is pretending to be asleep."
Still, Aubrey didn't move.
"It's OK, stay in bed for as long as you need to, I'll go take care of B.B. and get started on breakfast, join us if you feel up to it."
Stacie gently got out of bed and left the room. When she was sure she was alone, Aubrey relaxed and opened her eyes. She turned to stare at the ceiling, it was so tempting to just stay in bed, forget about the world and just let that black hole consume her.
She felt so out of sorts. Between last night's dream and Jesse calling her at 3am it was all just too overwhelming. They had a plan, sort of, and it was starting to look like Jesse was willing to follow it to the letter. That gave her hope, and yet she felt annoyed that he called so late. And why did Jesse calling her Bree-Bree make her gag?
Aubrey had just about made up her mind to stay in bed but the grumble of her stomach did not agree with this plan. She placed a hand over her tummy and told it to quiet down.
That became increasingly difficult as the familiar smell of breakfast sneaked into her room, and the hunger became stronger. She couldn't quite place the smell, but it was nostalgic, and Aubrey was starving.
As the smells of breakfast permeated the kitchen, Stacie played "Walking on Sunshine" on her phone. She was singing and swaying with abandon to the song as she very carefully sautéed spinach. B.B. in her chair was half staring at her mom and rocking her shoulders to the music with a big smile on her face and coloring on a coloring book. Every once in a while, Stacie would dance over to her daughter and sing just for her. B.B. moved her head along as she colored and sang gibberish that she would swear were the actual lyrics to the song.
Aubrey tiptoed as she made her way down the hallway. She was drawn to the sounds of music and the smell of eggs cooking. She stopped as she rounded the corner and caught sight of Stacie dancing with her daughter. Holding back a laugh she took in the sight.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered how the "good" mornings had been with Jesse at the beginning of their relationship. He would wake up early, and sing "Mr. Blue Sky" wearing only an apron and his ironic heart boxers. He'd cook them a hearty but slightly sloppy breakfast. The man couldn't cook eggs to save his life, more than once she'd smile as she ignored the bits of cracked eggshell in her scrambled eggs. Aubrey would just watch him as he would sing and dance, his handsome smile etched as he belted expertly. And his coffee wasn't as good as hers, but he made up for it with his nice butt. Those mornings usually ended up with her jumping him and making love to Jesse on their breakfast table. That was preferable to over eating his breakfast.
"There she is! Hungry babe?" Stacie asked with a smile.
Aubrey snapped out of it and smiled quickly. "I guess I am a bit."
"Good, sit, sit!" Stacie ordered as she gestured at the seat next to B.B. Aubrey obeyed her friend and sat next to the B.B.
"Good morning, angel, did you sleep well?" Aubrey asked a little stiffly, worried that B.B. would have changed her mind overnight.
"Yes!" BB responded with a big smile.
"Good!" Aubrey visibly relaxed. "Oh, that looks really pretty!" Aubrey said as she took in what she was coloring. BB had surprising dexterity and only did she color within the lines, but she loved to add extra details to the background. Swirly circles to represent the wind and the clouds, subtle blobs that looked like shadows, and she was surprisingly consistent.
"Yep! See?" Bella held up the colorful drawing.
Aubrey's eyes lit up, the little girl had indeed a lot of talent. "I see! That looks really good! You are so talented!" Aubrey glanced over at Stacie who was busy cooking and she wondered if she knew of B.B. talent and made a mental note to look up art programs in the area later.
"Thank you! Do you want to color with me Auntie Bree?"
"Yes please!" Aubrey answered happily.
B.B. shared her crayons and coloring book and Aubrey started coloring on the other page. Aubrey quickly realized that she had no talent for coloring.
"You are not very good at this Auntie," B.B. said with a giggle.
"I, uh, really am not", Aubrey said, a little surprised with herself. She had immediately colored outside the lines and was using red on the grass section instead of green.
"Baby, now is that a nice thing to say?" Stacie asked with a disapproving tone as she walked over with a plate for Aubrey and then looking at what Aubrey coloring added with a teasing smile, "No matter how true it is."
"Stacie!" Aubrey pouted.
"Sorry Auntie Bree." B.B said with a sly smile.
Aubrey winked at her and whispered, "It's OK, I definitely need to work on it. Maybe you can teach me a bit later?"
B.B. nodded excitedly and Stacie smiled as she placed a perfectly prepared omelet in front of Aubrey.
"Oh my! Stacie! Is that—?"
"That's right, Auntie Bree! The Stacie special spinach and mushroom omelet!"
"Like the one you used to make back in Barden?"
"Yep!"
Aubrey stared at her plate with amazement, she didn't remember the last time she had this. Once the Bellas got their house, during the weekends they would alternate who would make breakfast, and Stacie's spinach and mushroom omelet was a house favorite. The sight alone brought memories of better days, college days when their biggest concerns were singing competitions, dating, and the occasional papers. The dish and the memories brought a small smile to her face.
"Now let's see, what does my baby want?" Stacie said, as she sat right in front of B.B. and they both looked at each other. Stacie was studying her carefully trying to read her mind with a half smile. While B.B. giggled and hid her face, then peeked through her open fingers. Aubrey looked at the interaction confused.
"Hm, I got it! its either cereal or eggs?" Stacie snapped her fingers and guessed.
B.B. giggling shouted excitedly, "Cereal!"
"Ha! I knew it! OK, cereal, now the question is, which kind of cereal? Wait, is it Fruity Loops, or Honey Nut Cheerios?" Stacie asked suspiciously with a cocked eyebrow.
"Fruity Loops!" B.B. answered excitedly.
"I knew it! Fruity Loops coming right up!" Stacie got up and went to pour a bowl of cereal. Aubrey just stared confused at what just happened. It really did seem like Stacie could read her daughter's mind. Stacie gave B.B. the bowl filled with the colorful cereal and sat on the table with them.
"Thank you, Stacie," Aubrey said as she grabbed a mouthful and moaned with delight. But she noticed that on her plate there was only toast with a bit of butter and a cup of Greek yogurt.
"Aren't you having some?"
"Oh no, I like to keep it light in the mornings."
Aubrey looked over at the mess in the kitchen, Stacie could make a mean omelet but it looked like she went to war with the kitchen and barely made it out alive.
Did she go through all this trouble just to make me breakfast? Aubrey wondered, and she looked at Stacie who was just staring at her with a smile, clearly loving the sight of her friend enjoying her food.
As Aubrey was about to ask, Stacie got up and said, "Oh coffee!" She grabbed a mug she had left on the kitchen counter and placed it in front of Aubrey.
The liquid was thick, and she wasn't sure what the smell was exactly, but it did not smell like any coffee she'd ever had before. Not wanting to be rude, Aubrey took a sip of the dark sludge. She almost gagged. Drinking the ashtray liquid made her forget about everything that was wrong in her life.
"Wow… This is different." That sounded harsher than she intended to, and she regretted it immediately. Aubrey was raised to be a grateful and considerate guest, but this swill made her question her values.
"It's just coffee, Bree," Stacie replied.
"Oh, coffee, right, you made it?"
"Yeah, it's easy, it's just instant coffee." Stacie pointed at the open bottle of instant Walmart brand coffee. Stacie would have preferred Starbucks this morning, but sometimes instant coffee just made sense, tasted relatively OK with enough sugar and milk, and provided the caffeine she needed to get the job done.
Aubrey looked towards where she was pointing, the bottle still had the spoon inside of it. It made her queasy. You're being a snob, Aubrey. Be grateful. She tried her best to fake a smile and tried to take another sip of the liquid. Good God, but how can I drink this? She tried to keep the liquid in her mouth and gave Stacie a very forced smile. Stacie, pleased by this, turned to help clean B.B.
Aubrey immediately spat it out into the mug and shuddered. "You know, I'm suddenly in the mood for tea. Do you have any by any chance?"
"Um, yeah, I think there's some in the pantry."
Aubrey got off her seat and headed towards the door just off to the side of the kitchen. The pantry was almost bare except for some miscellaneous boxes. But something in there also caught her eye. Off on a corner of the pantry, all forgotten and alone, stood a single stainless steel, robust-looking espresso maker. Aubrey's eyes widened as she recognized the machine. Is that? No way!
"Stacie, why— how did you get this?" Aubrey shouted but stopped herself, remembering present company, cleared her throat, and continued, "Why do you have a La Marzocco?"
"The what now?" Stacie responded as she made her way into the pantry to see what Aubrey was referring to.
"That!" Aubrey waved her hands exaggeratedly pointing at the premium high-quality Italian espresso maker.
"Oh, that thing? Yeah, it was a gift. Never really figured out how to use it though."
"Who the — um, who would gift you a custom handmade espresso maker?" Aubrey made a mental note to be more mindful of her language.
"Um, this guy I dated a while back, his name was… Matteo, something, I forgot his last name," Stacie responded, barely paying attention.
Aubrey had a million questions, she was curious about their relationship. "You dated a man named Matteo? Wait, why does that name sound familiar?"
"Oh, maybe you've seen him, he's been in the news and magazines and stuff."
"Matteo… wait," Aubrey pulled out her phone, did a quick Google search, and then after finding the image she was looking for, she showed it to Stacie. "This Matteo?"
"Yeah, that's him! Nice guy, and really nice—" Stacie mouthed the word ass to Aubrey, who rolled her eyes.
Aubrey, and closed her eyes in disbelief. "You dated Matteo Rossi? The ambassador? And he gave you an $8,000 dollar espresso maker?" Aubrey had a million questions, but then she remembered that this was Stacie after all.
The Barden Bellas had long come to the conclusion that Stacie was a witch or a landlocked mermaid, or maybe an enchantress of sorts, she had a magic that no one really understood, but they all learned to accept. So whenever she said something ludicrous or outlandish, they simply took it as fact, because it's Stacie, and she's magic after all.
It's Stacie, just go with it.
"Yeah, we went on like two dates, it wasn't going to work out though, he always had to bring this dude that would translate for him, too much hassle." Wait, did she say that thing was 8 grand? Damn. Stacie thought, suddenly very impressed by the machine.
Aubrey covered her face with the palm of her hand and shook her head. Of course, you dated the Italian ambassador. Aubrey was sure that Stacie had been born in the wrong century. Had this been the time of ancient emperors and kings, then much like Helen of Troy, wars would have been waged for the privilege of her hand.
Aubrey wondered why they were drinking store-brand instant coffee, when there was one of the most premiere top-of-the-line espresso machines handmade in Florence, right here in Stacie's kitchen.
Stacie noticed her friend was transfixed by the machine, "You can use it if you want."
"I might take you up on that,"
After breakfast, Stacie suggested they go for a hike. They took Stacie's SUV, and when they reached the parking lot of the park, Aubrey noticed her phone was vibrating. She clicked it on and saw Jesse had sent a message. Aubrey sighed and looked over at Stacie and B.B. already walking towards the trailhead. They turned to Aubrey and waved at her to come over. The sight of Stacie and her daughter, in the distance brought a smile to her face. But she felt guilty ignoring Jesse so she opened his message before going to join them.
"Hey Bree-Bree, hope you are having a nice day, I just woke up! I'm still super jet-lagged, I'm meeting with the other studio later, but I think I'll have lunch and then take a nap again. How's your day going?"
Aubrey thought about it for a second and typed back, "It's going. You should get some rest, I know how you get when you're jet-lagged, I'm about to go on a hike and I won't have service, we'll message later."
She didn't wait to hear back from him, turned off her phone and tossed it into the car.
"Hey wait up!" Aubrey shouted as she ran towards them.
The trio headed toward a small park that overlooked the Mohave. It was a short hike, and then they found the perfect spot with a good view and sat down to rest.
After they settled in their spot, Aubrey tasked Baby Bella to do a scavenger hunt and to look for pretty rocks so they could make a necklace. Years of managing those camps had made her a bit of a professional in arts and crafts. Aubrey and Stacie kept a close eye on the little girl and drank from their water bottles. Though Aubrey wished it was a dry Chardonnay, instead.
Sitting on the blanket next to Stacie watching B.B., Aubrey found herself reflecting on how once upon a time she'd go on hikes like these with Jesse. For someone as in shape as him, he would always be winded by the time they got to a nice spot. Aubrey would always have to be mindful of what trails to do, she couldn't take him on anything too difficult or he'd get winded and a little moody. Looking over at Stacie her relaxed demeanor calmed her.
Aubrey and Stacie sat there in silence, watching the desert go by and Baby Bella scanning the ground a few feet from them.
"This is really nice." Aubrey sighed as she looked towards the desert.
"So you keep saying," Stacie commented.
"And every time I mean it."
"I've been wondering..."
"Yeah?"
"Why did you choose this place? I mean, you're brilliant, you must have had your pick of residency options, why the Mojave of all places?"
"Oh I don't know, when Bella was born I wanted something different for her. We could have stayed in Georgia, but when I saw the pamphlet for this place, it just called to me. You know what I mean?"
"I think I do, when— I left Jesse at that restaurant I have no idea how I got here, I just blanked, I think unconsciously I was looking for a place where I felt safe. And I ended up here."
Where I found you… or did you find me? Stacie wondered, but asked, "And do you feel safe? Now?"
Aubrey paused, taking a moment to gaze out at the vast desert. Her eyes softened, and a serene smile spread across her face. "Yeah," she said, her voice filled with a quiet certainty.
Stacie, noticing how her shoulders seemed to relax, smiled softly. "Good, I'm glad."
Aubrey exhaled, remembering this morning, she frowned, "Hey um, I'm sorry I pretended to be asleep this morning,"
"It's OK, Bree, really."
"Thanks. To be honest, I don't know why I did it…"
"Really, it's OK. You don't need to explain, I just thought you needed some space," Stacie replied nonchalantly, her eyes briefly meeting Aubrey's before turning back to her phone. Aubrey stared at her, expectantly.
Noticing that Aubrey was staring at her, Stacie raised an eyebrow, "What?"
"Well, do you have anything to apologize for?"
"Like what?" Stacie looked at her, puzzled.
"I don't know, barging into my bed?" Aubrey teased with a small smile.
Stacie grinned, "Nope, I'm not sorry about that, I thought you'd be comfy, and I was right."
Aubrey frowned in mock annoyance while holding back a laugh. "OK then. What about almost smashing my phone?"
Stacie paused and pretended to think about it for a second and said, "Nope, not sorry about that either, it was 3am, and the light was bugging me." Stacie shrugged, trying to hide her grin.
Aubrey studied her, a mixture of curiosity and amusement in her eyes. There was something in Stacie's smile that she couldn't quite understand but found endearing.
Stacie's blue eyes of hers were fixed on her daughter, a thoughtful expression replaced her grin. She took a sip of her water and quietly admitted, "I can be pretty selfish sometimes."
Aubrey narrowed her eyes slightly, you can be pretty selfish?
Aubrey's mind went back to their college days. Stacie had referred to those years jokingly as her capricious undergrad years. Capricious… hedonistic, selfish. "Me too," Aubrey confessed almost inaudibly.
"Mommy look!" Baby Bella interrupted and ran over to them. The suddenness of Bella calling for Stacie startled them, and they straightened up. The girl sat next to them, and she showed them the item.
"What is it, baby?" Stacie asked as she examined it. She picked it up and showed it to Aubrey, it was a small 2 inches long ivory-white claw-looking item.
"Can I see?" Aubrey asked and Stacie handed it over.
"It's um a dentalium shell," Aubrey explained as she carefully examined the item.
"A what?" Stacie asked.
"It's kinda like a tusk shell."
"It's pretty!" Bella responded.
"Yeah, back in the day the Inuit Tribes and Native Americans used it for trading, they made jewelry with it."
"Oh! How do you know Auntie Bree?" B.B. asked, in awe of the item.
"I- um, I'm not sure," Aubrey responded perplexed. She couldn't remember where she learned it, but the knowledge came to her almost immediately, it felt like she had always known. And as the confusing memories appeared, another one arose from the fog. It was a familiar story that made her feel content.
"Have you ever heard the story of the Coyote and the Frog People?" Aubrey asked with a playful whisper to B.B. who looked at her with sparkling eyes, and she slowly shook her head.
"There once was a very smart Coyote who was out walking around, and he found something just like this." Aubrey held up the dentalium shell. "But it was really big! And he was so happy he decided to take it home."
B.B. looked at the shell in awe and then back at Aubrey.
"But on his way home he ran into —" B.B. leaned forward with anticipation. "The frog people!"
"The frog people?" the girl asked with a giggle.
"Yes, and they looked just like you!" Aubrey teased.
"No! I'm not a frog!" B.B. protested.
"Oh OK, what about mommy? Can she be a frog person?" Aubrey asked as she looked at Stacie. Stacie had barely been listening, her eyes had glassed over and she was in a daze watching her friend interact with her daughter. Noticing that the attention had shifted to her, she quickly turned to Bella and did her best puffed-up frog impression complete with a croak, causing both Bella and Aubrey to laugh.
"Mommy's totally a frog person!"
"OK! So the sly Coyote ran into the Frog People. And the Frog People loved the water, so they kept all of it to themselves!"
"Oh no! So the frog people were bad?"
"I wouldn't say that, I think it's more that sometimes people love something so much that they want to hold on to it and never want to let it go."
"Oh! So they really loved the water!"
"That's right! And they kept all of their water behind a very large dam!" Aubrey spread her arms wide to show just how big the dam was.
"So when everyone wanted water, they all had to go ask the Frog People for water. Can you imagine? All the water in the world was behind this large dam!"
"Wow! And then what happened?" the little girl asked, enthralled by the story.
"The Coyote had been walking all day carrying this big shell so he was very tired and super thirsty. So he asked the Frog people for some water."
"He must have been really thirsty!"
"He was! And so the Frog people said sure, you can have some water in exchange for your shell." Aubrey held up the shell again.
"Oh no! But he loved the shell."
"I know right!"
Stacie was delighted by this scene, she was listening to the story, but what she was seeing the most was a familiar sparkle in her daughter's eyes.
"And so the Coyote agreed, he gave them the shell, and you know what he did then?"
"He drank the water?"
"Yes! The Coyote told them he was super thirsty and then quickly sunk his head deep in the water and started drinking, and he drank looooong and deeeeeep—-" She exaggerated the words to make her point. "The frog people couldn't believe a Coyote could drink so much water! He drank for so long that the Frog people started to get scared he would drink all the water."
"Did he drink all the water?"
"You have to wait until the end."
"Aw!" B.B. protested half-heartedly.
"So they asked the Coyote how much more water he would drink. And the Coyote apologized and explained that he was just so thirsty! The Frog people tried to be understanding and allowed him to continue to drink."
"And then he drank all the water."
"Just wait, it gets even better!"
"Okay…"
"So he sank his head into the water, even deeper this time, and he drank looooong and deeeeep again! And the Frog People got upset and said that he must give them another shell! Can you believe that?" Aubrey asked exaggeratedly.
"But he only had one!" The girl answered.
"I know! So the Coyote said don't worry, I'll give you another shell when I'm done drinking water. But the frog people weren't convinced, they thought the sly Coyote was playing a trick on them. And guess what?"
"Did he drink all the water in the world?"
"No, turns out he was actually digging a big hole under the water! And when the Coyote poked out his head, he was all like that was a good drink of water, and the Frog People were relieved that he was done. But then…" Aubrey let the word hand in the air, to build suspense.
"What?"
"The dam collapsed because of the hole under the water! All the water went out into the valleys, and made the creeks and the waterfalls and the rivers! And the Frog People were like noooo our water! And the Coyote laughed and said, "It's everyone's water now!"
"Yay! Water for everyone!" B.B. clapped, and her mother joined in clapping and cheering excitedly.
Aubrey laughed and added, "Do you know what the moral of the story is?"
B.B. shook her head.
"The moral of the story is that it's important to share!"
"Even if it's something we love so much?" B.B. asked.
"Especially if it's something we love so much!"
"Wow!" Then B.B. went quiet for a second as she absorbed the story as much she could for her age. She quickly turned to her mom and asked, "Mommy, can I be a coyote?"
Stacie looked at her daughter and without a second of hesitation said, "You can be anything you want in this world, baby girl."
Aubrey nodded appreciatively at Stacie's sincere statement.
"Yes!" B.B. said excitedly as she got up and gave her mom a quick hug, and then she threw herself at Aubrey and hugged her too. Aubrey was surprised for a brief second but then returned the hug eagerly, "Thanks for the story Auntie Bree!"
Aubrey smiled and closed her eyes, touched by the little girl's embrace and whispered, "Anytime, Angel,"
B.B. quickly got off of her and started pretending she was a coyote and howled. Both women laughed at the carefree expression of childhood.
Stacie took a sip of her wine and took a deep breath. As she stared off into the desert she could feel her eyes getting misty. She blinked repeatedly hoping to suppress them, she didn't want Aubrey to see her like this. It felt like the wrong kind of selfishness.
"Stacie? Are you alright?" Aubrey asked, noticing her friend had become so distant.
Life isn't fair. "Nothing, I just didn't know you were such a great storyteller."
Stacie said and turned back to look at her daughter playing, but for the rest of the afternoon she felt like she had one of those frog people stuck in her throat.
After the park, they went back home. The rest of the day was spent in relaxing Sunday bliss. B.B. made good on her promise to teach Aubrey how to color. It wasn't a success. But Aubrey didn't care, she was happy just gushing over B.B.s remarkable talent at coloring. Meanwhile, Stacie did the laundry and when Aubrey offered to help she turned her down. But Aubrey wouldn't be deterred, she was committed to helping out, so she took the opportunity to clean the war zone formerly known as Stacie's kitchen. By the time Aubrey was done, Stacie appreciated the great job the blonde had done.
Afterward, they ordered a pizza and watched B.B.s favorite movie "Hook" until B.B. fell asleep. Aubrey stood next to Stacie and joined in their nightly ritual of singing the lullaby. And when B.B. sleepily whispered, "Good night Auntie Bree," Aubrey choked up again but it wasn't as bad as last time.
Stacie and Aubrey drank red wine, and chatted about their day as they casually surfed through the local TV channels on the couch. When they stumbled on the movie "Saw" Stacie excitedly reached over and yanked the remote from Aubrey and said, "Oh, leave it, love this one!"
Selfish. Aubrey smiled as she remembered what Stacie had said this very afternoon.
Stacey sat on the right side of the couch, next to Aubrey and wrapped the throw fleece around them. They settled in and got comfy and in moments they were both hypnotized by the movie.
In the scene with the character named Amanda tied to a chair wearing the metal contraption around her head, Aubrey leaned forward. She remembered liking this scene, something about the way she struggled to free herself from the chair. The way she would thrust her hips forward seeking momentum, her shoulders tensed as she tried to pull herself free, and how her hair rocked side to side, violently, and so delightfully desperate.
"She kinda looks like Beca," Stacie commented with a yawn.
Aubrey's blue eyes refocused and it felt like she was seeing Stacie for the first time, and trying her best to sound normal, "You think so?"
"Yeah, I mean she has an alt vibe, the black eye shadow, fishnet stockings, I don't know, just her whole vibe reminds me of her,"
"I guess…" Aubrey chuckled nervously, and when she looked at the TV, the picture changed drastically, now it wasn't the actor Shawnee Smith portraying Amanda, now tied to that chair she saw, Beca Mitchell. Aubrey shuddered for a second and her lips parted as she swallowed hard. She reached for the glass of wine on the coffee table but her hands were trembling. Stacie watched Aubrey closely.
"You wanna know something funny?"
"Amuse me," Stacie said dramatically.
Aubrey chuckled and said, "A while back, I kept wondering what she'd think, about all this, you know."
"Like how?"
"I can't explain it, I think I was worried she'd be disappointed in me. I did a lot of growing because of that runt, and when everything fell apart, it just felt like maybe all that growing had been for nothing. And maybe in order to grow again, I would need her again."
"You thought you needed Beca?"
"It's weird, I know. But the last time I struggled like this, it was during my first year as the Captain of the Bellas, and I was holding on to those reigns so tightly and it almost messed everything up, but that runt came in and messed everything up, and it ended up being for the best."
"Oh, if you say so,"
Aubrey looked down, and with a smile sadly, "Maybe that's why I called the intern Beca." She hadn't thought about the poor intern in a while, and she was suddenly racked with guilt. She wondered if there was anything she could do to make it up to the girl. Aubrey remembered the girl had definite talent, and wondered if there was some special project she could put her on.
Aubrey was deep in thought biting her nails again, Stacie looked at her from the corner of her eye, and said, "I just thought you too needed to bang it out."
Aubrey coughed, choking on her wine and putting the glass down, "What?"
"I don't know, all that shouting between you too! All those glares. Honestly, watching it from the sidelines, it was kind of hot. I could have sworn you too would bang it out."
Aubrey stared at Stacie speechless. Stacie shrugged and went back to watching the movie. Aubrey slowly turned her head back to the movie. Her fingers tightened around the glass of wine. Stacie had no idea the grenade she'd just thrown into Aubrey's psyche. Her mind reeled with little moments of Beca Mitchell: her frowning, crossing her arms, and rolling her eyes. She remembered Beca glaring daggers at her, stepping up with that 'fucking try it' smile, and those intensely deep, dark blue eyes staring defiantly at her. The brunette was definitely, annoyingly attractive, and she hadn't considered that at all. Her gaze fixed on the TV, the character Amanda, now turned Beca, struggling, desperate, her eyes wide and full of panic. She could feel her heart racing and her face flush.
The temperature quickly dropped in the living room. And Aubrey noticed her breath in the form of steam rising slowly from her lips. Aubrey shivered and rubbed her bare shoulders, in a fruitless effort to keep warm.
She reached for the fleece, but it slipped away and Stacie looked so far away.
"Stacie?" her voice echoed.
The darkness around Aubrey grew and it pulled her away, she was watching herself with Stacie on the couch.
It was now freezing and she felt an ominous and dangerous presence behind her. It was the large black door with golden locks. This was the first time she was actually seeing it like this. Coming from within, she could make out the faint sounds of delight and pain.
Aubrey noticed the three locks that had already been opened on the ground. She wondered how many locks were left. And she understood, behind that door was the version of herself she'd been hiding. The ground beneath her feet started to shake, and its vibrations traveled up through her body and it thrilled her. She glanced over at Stacie and the TV in the distance and her eyes dulled. One of the locks opened and its deafening click grabbed her attention, it opened and fell. Just as it was about to land by her feet, she felt this jarring sensation of being pulled for every side. And in the blink of an eye, she was back in the living room. Stacie's voice had brought her back. She shivered from the cold and exhaled, her breath visible for a second in the warm living room.
"Comfy and warm," Stacie said as she yawned and stretched, then reached towards Aubrey and positioned Aubrey's legs so she could rest her head on her lap.
Comfy and warm? Aubrey shook her head, she felt unreal and unmoored to this moment. And as Stacie rested her head on Aubrey's lap, it helped anchor her to this moment. She was grateful for how unabashed and daring her friend was. Stacie really just did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.
In the dim light of the living room, Aubrey watched in silence as the TV reflected scenes of bondage and violence, and the room echoed with the screams of agony as the main character sawed off his own foot.
Aubrey brushed Stacie's hair off her face. Stacie exhaled into Aubrey's stomach, and the warmth of her breath on her tummy made her tingle. It filled her with heat and gave her goosebumps. Aubrey's chest rose and fell and she closed her eyes to relish the medley of sensations.
She turned her attention to the TV, and as she became transfixed by the violence on the screen. Unconsciously Aubrey's fingers had been gently playing with Stacie's hair. Realizing the soft strands of hair running through her fingers, she looked down for a second, and gasped. Stacie's eyes were open, studying her, a secret expectation within them.
When their eyes met it thrilled her and whatever image of Beca had peered into her subconscious disappeared and all she saw were those mysterious dark blue eyes of hers.
At that moment unspoken words that neither one of them understood were exchanged. All Aubrey knew for sure was that at that moment, her heart almost stopped beating.
The intensity in Stacie's eyes shifted and softened as she yawned, then dug her face deeper into Aubrey's tummy and went back to sleep. When she noticed that Stacie was gently asleep she finally relaxed and exhaled the breath she didn't know she'd been holding.
What the hell was that all about?
A sudden blue light off to the side of the room caught her attention. Aubrey's phone was vibrating on a small table in the distance. She glared in its direction, and for a brief second she wished Stacie had succeeded in smashing the phone. It stopped vibrating, and Aubrey felt herself relax. Jesse could wait. Their arrangement was for text messages during the weekday and regular calls on Fridays. But then it started vibrating again.
That's twice in a row. Aubrey couldn't help it. It could be important, and she still felt so guilty for not taking all his calls awhile back. She had to answer.
"Excuse me, I should get this," Aubrey excused herself and softly lifted Stacie's head and placed a couch cushion beneath it and quietly got off the couch.
Stacie frowned, as the shift stirred her awake and she sat up. She watched quietly as Aubrey walked over to the table on the other side of the room to pick up the phone.
"Hey? Oh yeah?" Aubrey, responded in a low voice, noticing Stacie was awake and looking at her she mouthed and I'm sorry. Stacie, frowned for less than a second and then smiled back with gentle understanding. Aubrey walked towards her room as she talked with her husband.
"I did it! I got this local studio to broker a deal for some sweet studio time, we won't have to buy new equipment!" Jesse said excitedly over the phone.
"That's great! How'd you pull that off?" Aubrey sounded a lot more excited about the news than she really felt, but his happiness was always so contagious. She turned around before she went down the hallway and looked towards the couch where Stacie was, but all she could see was the back of her head. She didn't know why, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was doing something bad.
Stacie sitting up stared at the TV as more scenes of violences shone through. She really loved this movie, she couldn't explain it but, she just did. But right now the mood to watch it was gone. She turned off the TV and exhaled and got up, walked towards the kitchen and poured the wine down the sink and got a glass of water. She noticed the door to the pantry was open, curious she peered in and noticed the massive stainless steel Italian espresso maker she never paid any attention to. Stacie grabbed her phone and went upstairs to her bedroom.
After a few minutes Aubrey finished her call with Jesse, feeling pangs of guilt she couldn't quite comprehend as she walked out into the living room.
"I'm sorry about that," Aubrey said but stopped when she noticed that the living room was empty. She looked around and noticed the TV had been turned off. She also noticed that the wine glasses had been cleared. She looked up towards the stairs, she knew Stacie's bedroom was right up there, just a few feet to the right up the stairs. Aubrey figured she must have decided to go to bed. Aubrey scrounged her nose as she rubbed her arm, feeling a slight chill in the warm room. With a sigh Aubrey turned around and headed back to her bedroom.
To be continued.
Author's Note: Is anyone reading this on ? If you're reading this on please let commet or something. Feels like I'm screaming into the void and it's giving impostor syndrome.
Writing the dream sequence was a trip. I've always wanted to write a dream into a story but I was worried that if I sat down to write it with the intent of writing it, it would seem forced or obvious. So one night, while in a mild whiskey-fueled buzz I decided to use a technique from Psychoanalysis called Free Association. Basically keeping Aubrey's journey in mind and HC I wrote each word that came to my mind randomly, and the dream kinda wrote itself. The next morning when I read it, it was trippy and had all sorts of grammatical and spelling errors (I blame the whiskey on that one) but the content itself was interesting, to say the least. I couldn't make heads or tails about it, and yet it made sense somehow? It feels like looking at an impressionist painting and while it doesn't make sense it does. I know the underlying themes of the dream but honestly, I'm still not 100% sure what it all means. I'd love to hear y'all's interpretation of the dream.
You know when I started to work on this story I made the vital mistake that B.B. barely had any role in it. She was just– sorta there. A big part of this is because I was afraid of writing using a child's voice. Another part is because this is the Convocation Series and kink plays a major role. But then I realized that a major theme of this story is motherhood. So I decided to take a shot and make B.B. 's voice more pronounced, I hope it's working.
This is where I got the story that Aubrey told B.B. watch?v=9q4km_HDGeI
One last comment and I'll shut up, Y'all I just learned that there's a movie called Desperados with Anna Camp! Obviously this series has nothing to do with that movie. I will not comment on the movie because I just absolutely love Mrs. Camp but… you know.