"Are you and Emma dating?"
Regina was unbelievably grateful that she was not drinking anything when Henry asked the question, because she was sure she would have choked on it. As it was, she managed to choke on nothing but air.
"What?"
"You and Emma. Are you guys dating?"
Regina took a few breaths to think about how she wanted to answer that. Damn Emma for abandoning her with this question (she hadn't actually. Henry had chosen to ask the question while the other woman was off driving his friend home. But damn her anyway).
"How would you feel about it if we were?" Regina finally replied.
Henry shrugged.
"I don't know. Fine, I guess. Ava said it would be nice to have two moms."
Regina swallowed hard, unsure of how to proceed. These were topics that were not covered in the parenting books she'd read. She was grateful to Ava, though, for at least putting a positive opinion in Henry's head.
"So, are you?"
"I'm not sure, Henry."
"You don't know if you're dating?" he asked, surprised.
Regina sighed.
"No, mijo. I'm not sure. It's complicated and Emma and I… we haven't had a talk about it," although it is becoming desperately obvious we need to. "However, even if we were, it doesn't mean it would work out or that Emma would become your mother. I'll always be your mom."
Henry nodded.
"I don't want a new mom. I like you as my mom. But, if you guys did date and she did become my mom too, you know, later, it might be nice. I like Emma. And she makes you happy."
"Does she make you happy? Do you feel comfortable around her?"
Henry nodded eagerly.
"Yeah. She's fun. I like hanging out with her."
Regina hesitated for a second before venturing to what had happened over Christmas. It had been quite some time; he did seem settled. But he had been so upset at the time. She decided to ask in order to be sure that there wasn't anything more to be explored and discussed.
"And are you feeling settled now, about what happened over Christmas?"
Henry stayed quiet for a moment, thinking.
"Yeah. Emma and I talked about it a bit… she said she was feeling lots of things and when that happens to her, her brain tells her to run away. She said sometimes when you're a kid, you have…" Henry thought about it, but he couldn't remember what word Emma had used. Instead he settled on, "habits that help you to deal with stuff but that when you're an adult, those habits can be a bad thing. Like her running away. I guess when she was little, it helped but now it's a bad thing. She said she's talking to her therapist again and it'll help her with the habits she has. She said she helps her talk."
Regina reached out and squeezed his hand. She hadn't know they'd had this conversation.
"Do you feel okay after that talk?"
Henry nodded.
"She said she wouldn't do it again. And she said sorry like a million times. I know she's sorry."
Regina nodded.
"Yes, she is."
"She cares about you a lot."
"I know, my little prince. She cares about you very much as well."
Henry smiled at her.
"I know. She loves me. She told me she does. So that's why I'd be okay with you guys dating, I think. She cares about me a lot. And she cares about you a lot, too. And she makes you happy."
Regina smiled at him, leaning forward to pull him into a hug.
"I'm very lucky to have you, Henry. You're a wonderful boy."
They cuddled for a few minutes on the couch until they heard the sound of the front door open.
"Honey! I'm home!"
Regina rolled her eyes.
"Did you bring ice cream?!" Henry yelled back, sending an apologetic smile when Regina admonished him for yelling in her ear.
"No," Emma said, winded, yanking at her gloves. "Was I supposed to? I can go back." She looked over at Regina, who was smirking and shaking her head.
"No. Henry was teasing you."
"Sort of."
"Oh," Emma replied, clearly relieved that she hadn't forgotten something. "Well, you gotta tell me that before I get back, kid."
Henry grinned at her.
"I was just trying my luck."
Emma threw her head back and laughed.
"You spend too much time with your mom, Hen. You sound just like her."
Emma quickly hung up her coat and made her way back to the living room, swiping at the stray strands of hair around her face.
"Any problems returning Ava home?"
Emma shook her head, plopping down next to Henry.
"Nope. Your car is still intact too. Everything good here? You guys have a nice talk?"
Henry opened his mouth, and by the expression on his face, Regina knew exactly what he was going to bring up.
"Let me talk to Emma alone first, Henry," Regina said gently, placing her hand on his shoulder.
The boy snapped his mouth shut, nodding reluctantly.
"Alright."
"Talk to me about what?"
Regina could hear the worry in Emma's tone, so she sent her a reassuring smile.
"Nothing bad, I promise. Now," Regina started, turning to Henry. "I heard you and Ava also had an important talk tonight."
"How did you know?"
"I'm your mother. I know things."
Henry rolled his eyes.
"We might have talked."
"Anything you want to share?"
When Henry glanced up at Emma, she smiled at him.
"If you'd rather have this talk with your mom, I can go, kid. No offense taken."
"No, it's not that. Ava said you and her talked on the way here."
"We did," Emma confirmed. "She said she wanted to talk to you and then to Nick after."
Henry nodded.
"Yeah."
"Do you wanna tell us about your talk?"
Henry hesitated.
"Ava thinks Nick is mean to me because he's jealous. And he thinks I'm going to steal her from him. But that's stupid. She lives at his house."
"A person's feelings aren't stupid, Henry," Regina admonished gently. "Ava is very important to him, just like his mom was important to him. And then she left for someone else. And Ava has been leaving Nick to be with you. Do you see how he could be worried about losing Ava as well?"
Henry refused to answer, picking at his pants, feeling stubborn.
"Hen, your mom asked you a question."
Henry sighed.
"Okay but this part I won't look forward to, if, you know, what we talked about happens," Henry said, turning to his mom and gesturing between the two women. "You guys ganging up on me."
Regina smiled softly at him.
"We aren't ganging up on you."
"Still. It feels like it."
"Noted," Regina said, a hint of humour in her voice.
Henry stayed quiet for a moment before finally responding.
"Yeah. I guess it makes sense. That's what Ava said too."
"But your feelings are important too, Henry. If Nick continues to be abusive, to be a bully, you aren't to tolerate the behaviour."
Henry nodded.
"I know. I told Ava that too, and she agrees. But she thinks if she talks to him, it'll help. And if maybe we start inviting him out with us, it'll help too."
"What do you think?" Emma asked.
"Maybe. He's been really mean though, so I don't know if I even want to be his friend."
"That's fair enough, kid. But if we can at least get him to stop bullying you, that would be nice."
"Yeah," Henry admitted. "It would be."
"And who knows? Maybe it'll be like me and your mom. We didn't get along at first and now we're best buds."
Regina recoiled at the words.
"I am not buds with anyone."
"Oh, you're my bud. Right, Hen? She's my bud."
"Well, maybe your boo," he replied, then quickly shot up and ran away, cackling, when the two women pounced on him.
Emma was grinning widely, Regina shaking her head, when their eyes met.
"Kids," Emma huffed. "Reckon it's too late to return him?"
Regina gave a small laugh.
"I believe so."
Emma smiled softly at her, reaching out for her hand.
"Everything okay?" she asked, feeling a little insecure. "What do we need to talk about?"
"After Henry goes to bed," Regina replied, but so that Emma wouldn't continue to worry, she decided to at least tell her what he said. "He asked if we were dating."
Emma's eyebrows shot up to her hairline.
"Exactly. I was so startled by the question that I began choking on air."
Emma chuckled.
"Jesus, kids really do say the darndest things."
"You're telling me."
Emma hmm'd, looking away to think for a moment, before turning back to Regina.
"So what did you tell him?"
"The truth: that I wasn't sure. But I really would prefer to continue this conversation after he goes to bed." Regina glanced at the clock. "I'd like to spend some time reading with him tonight to change the thoughts in his head before he goes to bed. I don't want him to go to sleep thinking about his conversation with Ava."
Emma nodded. Regina really was a good mother.
"That's no problem. I can clean up in the kitchen and then I'll wait for you here."
"You don't need to clean my kitchen, Emma."
"There isn't much anyway, just our mugs and stuff."
"Precisely. It won't take me long to clean later."
"Or I can do it now for you, and save you the trouble."
Regina shook her head.
"You're stubborn."
"And motivated. And persistent. And focused. And detail-oriented. Believe me, Regina. You're eventually going to be very grateful for those qualities."
Emma's tone left no room for interpretation. Regina knew exactly to what Emma was referring. She flushed but rather than respond, she simply got up and left the room, ignoring Emma's amused chuckle.
As it turned out, Emma was only able to place their four mugs from earlier in the dishwasher. She made absolutely no other headway in the kitchen because Henry came padding in in his pyjamas and overstuffed dog slippers, asking if she'd please come upstairs and join their story time. There was absolutely no way she could say no to him, especially when he looked so young, innocent, and hopeful, holding his hand out so that she'd join him.
She immediately closed the dishwasher and took it, the two holding hands as they made their way up to his bedroom. She and Regina shared a soft smile, Emma releasing the boy's hand and laying on the other side of him, the three of them squeezed tight in his bed.
Henry read the first two chapters of his adventure book, handing it over to Regina to take over when he started to feel sleepy. He turned and tucked into Emma, cradling her hand under his chin as he drifted off to sleep. Emma couldn't help the swell of emotions in her throat as the boy so sweetly curled against her, and when he took her hand, she was done. She already knew that she loved him, but right now, she thought her heart would burst from it.
Emma watched him for a long time, just enjoying the way his features softened in sleep, the way he seemed to age backwards. She felt a sudden pang of sadness for all of the things she had missed, and that surprised her. She found herself wishing she'd been there to see his first tooth, his first steps, his first words. When had she started feeling this way about this boy? Probably right around the time when she realised she loved him fiercely, in a way she hadn't loved another child ever.
Emma pulled herself from the direction in which her thoughts were heading. She didn't want to dwell on the past. She was sad that she had missed those milestones with him, yes, but she was here now, and she was unbelievably grateful that she was getting to witness these moments, that she was getting to be a part of his now, as well as his future. Hopefully.
Huh. It was odd to think this way.
Emma had never thought she'd be a mother. Never considered herself mother material. She loved kids; it was why she went into teaching. But she didn't trust herself to be good enough, stable enough, to be able to raise a child. After all, she'd had mostly negative experiences with adults as a child. How could she parent someone well when she herself had been parented so badly?
But as she reflected on the times she'd been spending with Henry, well. It gave her pause.
She'd fucked up royally at Christmas, that was true. There was no denying it and there was no going back. She couldn't undo that. But she'd talked about it a few times now with Henry, and she was back in therapy to deal with what had triggered her so badly. She'd been good for years, stable. Happy. And her therapist had warned her in the past that she may find herself at times in her life needing to come back to therapy, but that she'd eventually go back to being okay.
Was that fair to a child though? Was it fair to take on that responsibility when she'd sometimes regress, like she had at Christmas? The last thing she ever wanted to do, the thing she'd always promised herself she never would do, was traumatise a child. Especially this child, this one that she had grown to love so much.
Who had asked Regina if they were dating.
Emma glanced up at the woman in question, who was still reading softly from the book. They weren't dating, she didn't think. Or were they? They hadn't discussed it. How did Regina feel about it? Would Henry be okay with it?
Emma glanced back down at the boy.
If she did date Regina, she'd be taking on Henry as well. If you dated a single mom, you were accepting her children too. Which Emma did. She genuinely did love Henry. Loved hanging out with him. Loved being around him. But was she good for him? She wanted to be. She knew that much.
Emma reluctantly slipped her hand out from under Henry's chin, rubbing her forehead. She was getting a headache from so much thinking. She glanced up when she felt Regina's eyes on her, her heart giving an extra lurch when Regina smiled widely at her. Damn but the woman was beautiful.
Regina tilted her head towards the door, eyebrow raised. Emma nodded in agreement, the two women slipping out of bed, adjusting Henry's blanket, kissing him softly on the forehead, and quietly making their way out of his bedroom.
Emma followed Regina downstairs to the kitchen, where the women each grabbed a glass of water before returning to the living room. They curled up on the couch, sharing a blanket, simply enjoying the other's quiet presence for a moment.
"So," Regina finally started. "You were thinking quite a lot upstairs."
"How did you know that?"
"We spend nearly all of our free time together, Emma. I see you every day at work. I've gotten to know your expressions."
Emma wasn't sure how to respond, so she didn't.
"Would you like to tell me what you were thinking about?"
Emma hesitated, looking down at her lap and fiddling with the blanket.
"A lot of things."
"It seemed that way."
A minute passed, then two, Regina waiting quietly until Emma spoke again.
"I was thinking about how much I love Henry. And that I was surprised by how strong my emotions towards him were. Never loved a kid that much before. I love all my kids but… it's different with him."
Regina's heart was this close to bursting, hearing the woman's words, watching the way Emma's emotions played across her face. She had figured Emma was thinking positive things about Henry; it had been so obvious as she'd been looking down at him. She hadn't expected to hear those words specifically though, nor the depth of emotion in them. They warmed her, and her own feelings for Emma began to stir. The affection she felt for this woman was powerful, and it was moments like this one that simply caused it to grow, warming her from the inside out.
However, she had also wanted to know what Emma had been thinking specifically, because at one point, she had begun frowning while she looked at Henry, and that concerned Regina.
"And I-" Emma paused, trying to figure out how to continue. "I was wondering if I was good for him. I don't wanna hurt him. I know I already did, but I don't want to do it again. I just can't help wondering if I'm any good for him. I love him, but love isn't enough, no matter what they say. You need to be stable and dependable, too."
Emma paused for a moment before resuming.
"I love kids, I do. That's why I went into teaching. Kids are great. And I'm good at being there for kids part-time. Because I only have to be on during school hours, you know? I can go home and crash or panic or be overwhelmed there if I need to. But… and I get that I'm like, thinking way far ahead here, but if we do- if this," Emma said, gesturing between the two of them, "does go somewhere… I'm worried I won't be able to keep it together all the time. I'm worried that I'll fuck it all up. That I'll fuck him up. I can't help but wonder if I'd be good for him or if I'd end up screwing him up the way all my foster homes screwed me up. I'm worried I'm not good for him. And if I'm not, then we should stop before this becomes anything cause I don't want to be the reason he ends up traumatised."
Emma bit her lip, wiping at her eyes. She took a deep breath and gave a self-conscious shrug before she finally met Regina's gaze.
"I guess that's it."
Regina shifted closer on the couch, reaching out and taking Emma's hand in her own.
"Thank you, Emma, for trusting me enough to share that with me. I know it isn't easy for you."
Emma gave a shy smile.
"No," she admitted, "but… I trust you."
"And that means a great deal to me," Regina said sincerely.
The women sat there in silence for a few minutes, Emma reflecting on everything she'd just shared. She felt raw, ripped open. She felt like a gaping wound and she was having trouble lifting her eyes from her lap. Regina noticed her struggle, saw just how vulnerable Emma looked then, so she placed her hand on her knee and she began to respond.
"As parents, we try our very best to do the right thing for our children. We make decisions that we hope are the right ones, and sometimes we make mistakes. There's no guide book about child rearing that is so comprehensive and so detailed that it covers every single topic and every single scenario you might possibly encounter as your child grows. So you do your best, but much of the time, you're on your own to decide what you think is the right choice.
"I haven't been a perfect parent. I've made plenty of mistakes and I have many regrets. So many regrets. But I've also learnt from those mistakes, and I believe they've made me a better parent. I wish it hadn't come at Henry's expense, but there's nothing I can do for that now except try not to repeat those same mistakes. I may not be the perfect mother, but I'm trying. And I think that's the most important factor in all of this. I'm trying and I'm there and I love him. And he knows that. Just like you. You've made mistakes with him. He's been hurt, but you're trying. And you're actively trying to do better by seeking assistance to ensure that you don't repeat those same mistakes. You care, Emma. And that's so important. And Henry knows that you do. He knows that you love him (Emma nodded then, swiping again at her eyes).
"Children are unbelievably forgiving. Thankfully, because I've made some really terrible mistakes," Regina paused, thinking specifically about Henry's adoption and her choice to keep it from him, "and I know now I should have handled some things differently. But we've worked through them, and much of that was thanks to you."
Regina shifted, bringing herself closer to Emma.
"Emma, I don't think you realise how much of an impact you've had on Henry and on me. How good you've been for us. You have this gift with people. You make them feel safe. You make them feel comfortable. And your ability to communicate is better than anyone else I've ever met, save for perhaps my therapist. You've helped me communicate with my son in a way no one else has, and you've helped him communicate with me, as well as with others. The way I am communicating now even, it's because of you. I never could have expressed myself this well without your help, without your patience. I feel as though I can talk to you. You encourage me to. I haven't spoken this freely with anyone else in… years. It feels incredible to know that I can come to you, and that you will listen.
"You have this way of helping people open up, figure out what they're feeling, and guiding them towards a solution without telling them what to do. Just look at how you handled things with Ava."
Regina squeezed Emma's hand affectionately before continuing.
"You doubt yourself. You're incredibly hard on yourself, and you berate yourself when you make a mistake. But, Emma, I don't think you realise the good you bring to the people around you. So you're not perfect. No one is, but the good you bring outweighs the bad 10 to 1. Or more. 100 to 1. You are so unbelievably caring and loving and the more I get to know you, the more you draw me in. You spoke of being drawn to Henry and me. But the truth is, Emma, the feeling is very mutual. The more I get to know you, the closer I want to be to you. The more I want to spend time with you. You are one of the kindest, most sincere people I know and Henry and I are better for having you in our lives."
Regina rubbed the back of Emma's hand with her thumb, smiling as the woman wiped at her tears.
"I don't expect you to be perfect around him, Emma. That would be unrealistic. I'm not perfect around him either. I'm not looking for perfect. I just want someone who will treat him like their own son. I want someone who will love and care for him just as well as I do. I want someone I can trust him with."
Regina reached up with her free hand and cupped Emma's cheek.
"I've found you, Emma. And I trust you with him in a way I trust no one else. You are good to him. So good to him. And you're good for him, as well. I truly believe that."
Emma was losing her battle with her emotions, swiping roughly at the endlessly falling tears. Regina's words, her sincerity, were hitting her hard, soothing old wounds and tender, vulnerable places deep within her. When Regina pulled her into a warm hug, Emma couldn't help the sob that escaped.
"You're wonderful, Emma. I miss you when you're not around. Henry talks non-stop about you when you're not here with us. When I think of you, I cannot help but smile. You make me happy. So happy in fact, that even Henry has noticed. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know that I'd at least like to try."
"Me too," Emma finally croaked, swallowing hard and squeezing back when Regina tightened her hold on her. "I want to be good for him. And for you."
Regina nodded against Emma.
"I know, darling. You have been, and I've no doubt you will continue to be. My life has improved so much in just these last few months. Because of you."
Emma cried again, burying her face in Regina's neck. She took immense comfort in the other woman's words, as well as in her embrace. She felt safe here, with Regina, and she didn't want to leave her arms.
"You've no idea how much I love holding you."
Emma kissed her throat gently, sniffling and nodding against her skin.
"I really, really love being held by you. Feels safe."
It was Regina's turn to feel a knot form in her throat. She knew what it meant for Emma to have that feeling of safety with her.
"You are very safe here, love."
Emma squeezed her again, and Regina tugged at her until Emma followed her lead and was seated on her, the blanket between them falling to the floor.
"I'm too big for your lap," Emma protested, but still nestled herself in Regina's embrace.
"Nonsense. You're just perfect."
Emma gave a watery chuckle.
"Thank you," she said softly.
"You're welcome," Regina responded, rubbing her hands up and down Emma's back as the other woman settled against her.
When Emma's tears finally subsided, Regina wiped at her cheeks to remove the wetness there. She then kept one arm wrapped around Emma's back, the other straining as she tilted sideways to grab the tissue box on the end table. She handed it to Emma, who took it gratefully.
Emma turned away from Regina, taking a few moments to blow her nose and wipe at her eyes. She peeled herself from the other woman's lap only long enough to toss the used tissues before she made her way back, scooping up the blanket and curling up in Regina's arms. She didn't care if she looked silly. She enjoyed being held by her.
"So, Henry sprung on you as soon as I left?" Emma finally asked.
Regina chuckled, bringing her hand up to stroke through Emma's silky hair.
"Just about. And he caught me entirely off guard."
"Tell me about the talk."
"Well, when I managed to stop coughing (Emma laughed softly), I told him I wasn't sure if we were dating. That I didn't think so, but that I thought perhaps we were headed in that direction. I asked him how he felt about it, and he said he thought it would be fine. Evidently, Ava feels it would be 'nice' to have two moms."
"Poor girl," Emma said sympathetically. "I really feel for those two kids. I know it wasn't easy to have lost their mom like that."
Regina nodded in agreement.
"I agree."
"Glad she thought it would be nice though and not that it would be weird. Especially since I'm his teacher. Not every kid would be stoked his mom was seeing his teacher."
Regina gave a small chuckle.
"I did explain to Henry that if we did start dating, it didn't mean that it would end up with his having two mothers." Here, Regina hesitated. "Given that you and I had never discussed the topic, I wasn't sure how you felt about… the idea. Of parenting Henry, I mean. If that was something you saw in the future or if you'd envisioned something else for yourself."
"I didn't know what I saw, honestly. Wasn't sure what you'd even be open to. I wasn't sure I was parent material. I'm still not totally convinced. But… when I look at him, I think it'd be nice. You know. To be a bonus mom. In the future, if that's where we go. I don't want to like, take over, and I think you'll probably always be the one to make the final decisions because you and Henry have had ten years to create a routine and a connection. You have a way of doing things between each other that works. But maybe it would be nice to learn it, and figure out if I fit with you two. Where I fit in. And with time, later, if it works, to take on some of the responsibility and stuff. I think- I think it'd be nice. If you both agreed."
Regina couldn't help the smile that formed.
"I believe I agree with that sentiment. I would never have someone in my life who didn't accept Henry fully. And I will always be his primary parent, but it would be nice to have someone who saw him as their own, who I trusted to parent him at least some of the time.
"I love Henry with a ferocity that I never could have imagined. And it would be nice if it were at least somewhat similar for my… partner." Regina cringed. "I don't know what word to use."
Emma chuckled.
"Never saw yourself with someone? Didn't have an imaginary 'partner' in your future? A wife or something?"
Regina hesitated.
"Not exactly. I never thought I'd meet anyone here. I thought perhaps, once Henry was in high school or even in college, I'd have a little more freedom to consider exploring a relationship. But for now, no. I hadn't expected to meet anyone."
"Why not?"
Regina sighed, lightly scratching at Emma's scalp as she thought, then smirking when the blonde moaned in appreciation. She was entirely too adorable for her own good and Regina was far too gone on her.
"I have no interest in anyone in Storybrooke. Had no interest," Regina corrected herself, "until you came along. And before that, I wasn't interested in a long-distance relationship as I had Henry to focus on, as well as my career. So, with no one here that I could see myself with and no possibility of looking outside of Storybrooke, it just meant that a relationship was not going to happen until Henry was a teenager, at least, when I could leave him for longer than a few hours at a time. And I was fine with that. I've been single for a long time. A very long time. So, a few more years wouldn't have hurt me."
There was also another incredibly important reason why Regina hadn't explored a relationship with anyone. People in California were open-minded; they were accepting and inclusive. They didn't care about people's differences, not like here (in Regina's experience anyway). That had been another major reason that Regina hadn't gone exploring. She wasn't eager to be vulnerable again, to expose herself to potential rejection or humiliation. She wasn't ready to deal with the bigotry she'd faced here as a teenager. The truth was, she still hadn't figured out how she'd even go about dating in this part of the country.
In California, she'd been surrounded by queer people and by people who were considered "odd", in ways that were both similar and not so similar to her. They were simply different, and people accepted them for it. But here, it felt like everyone was the same, everyone fit into a mold, one in which Regina didn't fit. No one was unique, like she was. In Regina's experience, people feared differences, feared what they didn't understand. And so that had been a major contributing factor to her celibacy. Regina didn't want to have to deal with that.
But Emma had wormed her way into her life, accidentally, unexpectedly, and Regina had no plan. She had not prepared for how to confront the inevitable conversation that she'd have to have with Emma. She definitely needed to work on that, and soon.
Emma shifted in Regina's arms so that she could look at her, inadvertently pulling Regina from her thoughts.
"How long has it been?"
"Since I've been in a relationship?"
"Well, since… since anything." Emma smiled, fighting the blush that was creeping up her throat. "I've been curious."
"Miss Swan, are you asking me about my sex life?"
Emma chuckled, losing the battle with her blush. Never one to mince words, are you?
"Maybe," she finally admitted.
Regina smirked, looking away for a moment before meeting Emma's gaze again.
"How old is Henry?" she teased.
"Really?"
"I wasn't lying. There haven't been any opportunities."
"Oh. And before? When you were in California?"
Emma shifted off of Regina. As much as she loved the closeness, her knees were really starting to hurt. She re-arranged herself on the couch, both women turning so that they faced one another, the blanket draped over their laps once again.
"When I was in California, I did date a woman for quite some time. Mal. We were together for years, and it was a good relationship. That is, until I became a parent. When I adopted Henry, we tried to stay together but it was- it was difficult. She didn't want to adopt and I did, so the relationship was doomed. I knew it needed to end. Right from when I finally decided I was going to adopt a child, I knew it needed to end, but I was in love with her. And she loved me, too.
"We stayed together through the entire adoption process, but I adopted him alone. I didn't discuss any part of Henry's adoption with her, and she didn't ask, though she did know it was happening. She just didn't know any of the details, and then suddenly he was home with me. She came around far less often after that. I was exhausted all the time so I wasn't complaining. It didn't take long before we really began drifting apart.
"The relationship was mostly physical by that point anyway, but still I struggled to end it. Then my father fell ill, and I moved back to Storybrooke to be closer to him. I knew my mother wouldn't care for him. She had intended to hire people, but they wouldn't have cared for him as well as I would. The move to Maine is what ultimately severed the relationship with Mal. I moved to the other end of the country so there was no choice but to end things."
"And that was it? Did you guys keep in contact at all?"
Regina hesitated.
"Well… we kept in infrequent contact. She'd randomly text me over the next few years, and I'd reply. Then when Henry was four, Mal had a conference in Bangor. She texted me telling me she'd be nearby and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee."
Emma could tell by the look on Regina's face, there was slightly more than that.
"Coffee?" she asked, making airquotes with her fingers.
Regina chuckled.
"It wasn't supposed to happen. It really was supposed to just be coffee. But, the attraction was still there. I'd been surprised, honestly, to find I was still attracted to her after so much time had passed. But she looked the same, sounded the same. And it had been a long time since I'd been with anyone. No one since her. And Mal, well. She's not shy about what she wants. Henry was with my parents and I knew I had time, so. One thing led to another."
It had been easy to fall back into things with Mal. There was no need to explain anything. Mal was well aware of Regina's uniqueness, liked it even, and they were comfortable with one another. They knew what the other enjoyed, and so it had happened naturally.
"So it hasn't been ten years?"
Regina chuckled again.
"No. However, in those ten years, there's only been that one weekend."
Emma nodded in acknowledgement.
"Do you still talk to Mal?"
Regina shook her head.
"No. Not anymore. If she reached out, I would take the call. We didn't end on bad terms; our texts and conversations simply fizzled out. I wouldn't be opposed to hearing how she's been and what she's been up to. She's always been driven and I've no doubt she's successful. She was a very important part of my life, for a very long time. And she's good person. A little aggressive, but she has a good heart." Regina reached out and took Emma's hand, looking her in the eyes before continuing. "I wouldn't be receptive to anything more than friendship, however. I'm not interested in her at all, Emma. Not anymore. I've no intention of reaching out to her though. But if she messaged, I wouldn't ignore her. Would that bother you?"
Emma shook her head.
"No. I mean, as long as it's just, you know, to catch up. I get it, about being interested in hearing how old acquaintances or whatever are doing. It's nice to hear from people, especially when they meant something to you."
Regina smiled and nodded.
"Yes. It is. What?" Regina asked, noticing Emma's smirk.
"Just thinking…"
"Spill it, Swan."
"That's a long time to go without…"
"Are you mocking me, miss Swan?"
"Never. Just thinking, maybe it'll take a little pressure off cause, you know, it's been a while for you so maybe you'll be more… responsive."
Regina rolled her eyes, laughing.
"Are you that bad at it, Emma?"
Emma narrowed her eyes.
"No. But I do care about you and so maybe I feel a little pressure to make sure it's good. If and when we get there. Not that we have to, you know. If you decided you didn't want-"
"I will want, Emma. Eventually."
Emma smiled.
"Okay. Well, anyway. The point remains. I want you to enjoy it. So, any little thing in my favour helps."
"I've no doubt it'll be more than satisfactory, Emma."
"It better be. I'm aiming a little higher than satisfactory though."
Regina laughed.
"I'm sure, dear." Regina hesitated then, biting her lower lip.
"What is it?"
Regina licked her lips, looking down at her lap and fiddling with the bottom of her shirt.
"There's something else, Emma. Something I'm not yet ready to talk about," Regina paused, letting out a heavy sigh. "God, there are so many things I need to discuss with you. But there's something really important that I will eventually need to tell you. But I-I'm frightened. I'm worried about your reaction. I don't know if you'll accept this part of me.
"I need time. I need time to think and to prepare for the possibility that you… that you may reject me for what it is that I have to tell you."
Emma looked at Regina carefully.
"What could possibly be so bad that I'd reject you?"
Regina gave an empty laugh.
"You've no idea how many people have rejected or humiliated me because of it, Emma."
Emma frowned.
"Is this… related to what happened here, between you and everyone else?"
"It's part of it, yes. But it's also been something that's been present in my life for… well, forever."
Emma was incredibly confused, but seeing just how distraught Regina was in that moment made her instinctively need to comfort her. She reached out and took Regina's hand, waiting until the woman finally looked her in the eyes.
"Whatever it is Regina, no matter what you tell me, I will never purposefully humiliate you. I would never be cruel on purpose. That's not who I am."
Tears welled up in Regina's eyes. She bit her bottom lip, nodding slowly. In the time she'd come to know Emma, Regina did believe it. Deep down, she believed the words. However, she was still terrified of Emma's rejection. She hadn't "outed" herself in over a decade and Regina was petrified.
Emma reached out with her other hand and stroked Regina's cheek, looking deep into her eyes, willing her to trust her.
The women looked at one another quietly, never letting go of the other's hand, before Regina finally spoke again.
"Thank you."
"Of course, Regina. You're important to me. I never want you to be scared to tell me anything."
"There have been others who… well, many others, who have reacted badly and have said some incredibly cruel words."
"I'm not them, sweetheart."
"I know," Regina admitted softly. "But still."
"I get it. When the time comes, I promise I won't call you names or say anything hurtful to you. Not on purpose anyway."
"Thank you," Regina replied quietly, before finally letting out a small smile. "I think it's your turn now."
"My turn for what?"
"When was the last time for you?"
"Oh. Uh…" Emma paused, looking up at the ceiling as she scratched the back of her head. "A little less long than you."
"Meaning?"
"Like, six months ago?"
"Well, compared to six years ago, I'd say that yes, that's a little less long than me."
Emma saw something flash in Regina's eyes.
"What is it?"
"What?"
"Whatever it was that just caused that look. What was that?"
Regina sighed.
"It's nothing."
"Tell me," Emma insisted. "It's important to me."
"I'm just feeling a little self-conscious," Regina admitted. "Six months is not long ago, Emma. I haven't… I haven't in years. And before that, more years."
For all intents and purposes, it had been a decade. One night barely counted as breaking the dry spell. And at least for Regina, it had been so long, she barely remembered what it was like to have an orgasm that wasn't by her own hands, so she certainly would enjoy being touched by someone else – by Emma. But, Emma, she'd just had a partner. She would remember perfectly well what it was like to be touched by someone else. What if her partner had been good? Or very good. Experienced. What if all of Emma's most recent partners had been excellent? And what if I'm horrible at it?
Regina didn't say the words aloud, but Emma heard them anyway.
"Regina, I can promise you right now, it's not going to take much to get me off. Hell, as it is, just one look from you and I'm-" Emma cut herself off, not wanting to be crude. "I'm interested. If you know what I mean."
Regina bit her lip. She knew what Emma meant.
"Seriously though," Emma continued, squeezing Regina's hand. "We're going to be going slowly. Very slowly. I know it's been a while since you've been with someone and I'm- well. I don't know if I've ever been in a good, healthy relationship. Not one that has lasted, anyway. So I need slow, too. Because I don't want to screw this up. I really, really like you, Regina. And I'd like to see if this will work between us.
"So far, we've been doing pretty good at communicating, I think. And that's a good sign. I want to continue like that. So, slow. I'll tell you what I want, and what I need. And I hope you'll do the same. (Regina nodded, causing Emma to smile at her.) And if we get to the point where things turn physical, that'll be just as slow." Emma stroked the back of Regina's hand with her thumb. "But honestly? I'm not worried. Just the fact that it's gonna be you is gonna make it good. Cause, I'm pretty freakin' smitten."
Regina smiled, nodding as she looked down at their joined hands.
"The feeling is quite mutual, Emma. Thank you for reassuring me."
Emma brought their joint hands up to her lips, kissing the back of Regina's hand.
"So, we're dating?"
"Yes, miss Swan," Regina teased, the smile lighting up her entire face. "We're dating."