The morning after the third chapter, Obito, Nagato, Konan, and Itachi woke up feeling like a herd of angry cats had a rave party in their heads. Naruto strolls past them and tosses each a mega-sized headache pill, causing them to wonder why he's so chipper. With a grin, Naruto explains that he's feeling great because he's got the Kyuubi chillin' inside him. The Kyuubi, feeling sassy, tells Naruto to go fuck himself. Naruto chuckles and out of nowhere summons a Kyuubi the size of a horse, asking, "Want to spar?" The Kyuubi takes one look at Naruto and sprints in the opposite direction, leaving Naruto looking smug as a cat in a cream factory.
"Dude wtf."
As his bewildered guests gawk at him, Naruto casually mentions that he spars with the Kyuubi whenever he needs to blow off steam. When they inquire about his strength and age, Naruto dramatically ponders for a moment before declaring, "I'm stronger than Kaguya and Hagoromo combined, and been around a bit longer than five centuries."
Their jaws hit the floor.
"Wtf."
"How on earth are you still kicking after all this time?" Konan gasp. Naruto, with a twinkle in his eye, explains that being an Uzumaki, Kyuubi jinchuriki, packing the Sage of Six Paths' chakra, and having some of Hashirama's cells in the mix basically made him the Energizer Bunny of shinobi.
"What. The. Fuck."
Curious about his return, they ask why he came back. Naruto shrugs, "Eh, got bored, figured why not?" They nod in understanding, completely unfazed. Before heading out on more village missions, Naruto invites them to make themselves at home but warns them not to wander off just yet, as he's got something planned later.
As Naruto embarked on a series of missions to vanquish bandit camps, he encountered a particularly stubborn foe who needed a dose of Naruto's special brand of talk-no-jutsu. In a stroke of ninja genius, Naruto summoned a swing out of thin air, puzzling everyone around with its mysterious appearance - ropes dangling into oblivion, a lone tree sprouting up to hold it aloft, and the melancholic melody of "Sadness and Sorrow" playing in the background, adding to the surreal atmosphere.
With a mischievous glint in his eye and the swing swaying gently beside him, Naruto began his TNJ routine. Using the swing as a prop, he spun tales of redemption, friendship, and the power of believing in oneself. The bewildered bandit, utterly perplexed by the bizarre setting, found himself gradually succumbing to Naruto's persuasive antics, all the while muttering about the absurdity of a swing materializing out of nowhere.
As Naruto worked his charm and the swing creaked rhythmically, the bandit's resistance crumbled like a sandcastle in a tsunami. Eventually, with a sigh of defeat, the bandit surrendered, still shaking his head in disbelief at the surreal turn of events. Naruto, victorious once again, bid farewell to the bandit, swing disappearing as mysteriously as it had arrived, leaving behind a befuddled and slightly brainwashed former foe.
The rest of the missions were somewhat identical to this one, soon all the victims of brainwashed bandits would form a group that would go around and spread peace and love to everyone that encountered them.
In a whirlwind of ninja efficiency that would make even the fastest ramen chef jealous, Naruto blitzed through 15 missions quicker than it takes for a ninja cat to catch a mouse. As the clock struck 11 in the morning, Naruto decided to throw a shinobi shindig, inviting Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Sasuke to his place to meet the eclectic crew he had rounded up.
Kakashi, ever the sentimental ninja, engaged in a bro hug of epic proportions with Obito. They then warped away in Obito's Kamui to go and peek in Konoha's bathhouse. Meanwhile, Jiraiya, Nagato, and Konan opted for a more liquid form of bonding at a local watering hole, where tales of past adventures flowed as freely as the sake.
Before the fated reunion between Sasuke and Itachi, Naruto pulled a classic ninja move, putting Sasuke under a memory jutsu-induced snooze. With Sasuke dreaming of ninja sheep, Naruto and Itachi found themselves in a fashion conundrum, forgetting for a moment that they weren't exactly the village's ninja heartthrobs - Itachi due to a generous serving of liquid courage and Naruto just gave no shits.
After a lightning-fast shopping spree that left a bemused shopkeeper questioning his life choices, Naruto and Itachi returned home, where a groggy Sasuke stirred from his jutsu-induced nap just in time for Naruto's grand re-entrance. With a grin as bright as a thousand exploding kunai, Naruto greeted Sasuke with the warmth of a thousand ramen bowls.
"How you feeling man?"
Sasuke shook his head to clear some of the fogginess that was left behind by the jutsu.
"Been better,"
Sasuke eyed Naruto out of the corner of his eye.
"Lord Seventh"
Naruto's smile widened as he let out a sigh.
"Man, you have no idea how much I missed talking to you guys."
Sasuke shook his head again, clearing out the remaining fog. "Did you not bring back Hinata?" Naruto shook his head, "Why not?"
"Dude. Are you seriously asking me that? Did you forget what happened when we got back from that second Five Kage Summit after I became Hokage?"
Sasuke winced. "Yeah. The second you stepped a foot back in the village, she dragged you to your house and didn't let anyone in or out for hours. When you stepped out you had hickeys everywhere."
"And bruises everywhere else." Naruto winced. "That's why I'm not bringing Hinata back… at least until we're of age."
Sasuke nodded his head before he gained a far off look. "Might want to hold off on bringing Sakura back too." He rose to his feet before he stretched his back. "So what are you doing here anyways?"
Naruto shrugged his shoulders. "After you all died, I lived for another 4 centuries. I got bored so I came back. Sue me."
"You lived for 5 centuries?"
"Yeah, turns out being the jinchuriki of the strongest bijuu, an uzumaki, and having half of Old Sage of Six Paths power makes you immortal."
"But I had-"
"Yeah, I know you had the other half of Gramp's chakra. Guess I was just the right concoction of chakra."
Sasuke stared at his brother in all but blood, seeing the slight strain on his smile growing.
He decided to change topics.
"So, now that we're back, what are the rules?"
Naruto tilted his head to the side, "Rules?"
"To time travel. What can we change and what can't we?"
Just as he finished asking the question, a knock was heard at his door. "Naruto? Can I come in?"
Sasuke whipped his head to face the door before back to Naruto, who simply shrugged his shoulders.
"Come in, he remembers everything now."
Itachi opened the door and made a beeline for his little brother
Sasuke let out an oof when Itachi hugged him so Naruto decided to leave the two brothers to talk.
Let's see. What can we do next?
Just then Kurama came running back in.
Where had he gone?
How the hell am I supposed to know?
"We should go have a Karaoke night."
Oh, so that's where he was.
"I'm down, but why Karaoke?"
"It starts with a 'K' and so does my name."
"Bruh."
"And last time we all went Karaoking, that green clad fool tore up the place, bug boy got laid, and you accidentally got gentle fisted in the balls."
"It was so much fun."
Naruto winced when he remembered that day. "Yeah, Hinata was too drunk as she tried to fight Lee."
Kurama barked out a laugh. "She tripped and hit your balls. That's one of my favorite memories."
Naruto rolled his eyes as he put Kurama in a head lock. He smirked widely as Kurama began to thrash around, trying to escape. The blonde man, (boy?), stuck a finger in his mouth before pulling it out, leaving it drenched in his spit.
"UNCLE! UNCLE!"
Naruto smirked as he let go. "That's what I thought."
The Kyuubi growled before he let his chakra back into the seal.
"Alright, Karaoke it is." Naruto created shadow clones seamlessly to go and invite his friends while he wandered around to look for a karaoke place.
Okay, next chapter is gonna be the funnier one. Don't know if I can make it as funny as the third chapter, but I'm gonna try.