AN: There's no category for it yet on FFN for some reason, but apart than Bugsnax, the other fandom in this crossover is Delicious in Dungeon/Dungeon Meshi. Also, like all my works, this is cross-posted from AO3.

Dungeon Snax

Marcille squeaked and pulled her hand back, as the raspberry she tried to pick suddenly stood up and skittered away. "Of course we wouldn't be that lucky." She sighed dejectedly, face fallen into a grimace as she gripped her staff, in case the bush was about to come to life and attack her. "I thought the dungeon could have normal food for once, but nooo. It has to be monsters again." In hindsight, it was bigger than a raspberry usually was—more like a strawberry in size.

Her sight followed its path, as it ran a short distance to a different bush. It kept muttering something in an adorable tone of voice, like it was struggling to say 'raspberry'. Now that she paid closer attention, it wasn't the only one; looking over the dungeon floor, she saw carrots with big blobby eyes crawling like worms, and an oversized millipede…or was that a long sandwich? A series of smaller sandwiches?

Chilchuck's face scrunched in confusion. "Are those…flying olives?"

Laios, for his part, seemed excited as he squatted for a closer look at the rapidly burrowing carrots. "They look like distant relatives of Treasure Bugs. I've never heard of them, and they're not recorded in the manual—how cool is that?!" He turned, revealing that enthusiastic smile he always had when talking about monsters. "Have you seen these before, Senshi?"

Senshi shook his head. "No. I've never been to this area."

"So they might be an undiscovered species!" Laios exclaimed giddily. "Part bug, part snack. We could name them… Snack Bugs!"

Chilchuck stretched his arms behind his neck. "That's not a very creative name. But I guess 'Treasure Bug' isn't any better."

Marcille remained silent, watching the bugs and counting down the seconds until—

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I wonder how they taste compared to the foods they resemble…"

Senshi nodded. "I'd like to see as well."

"Wait, hold on!" Chilchuck raised his voice. "Eating these could be a really bad idea."

"I agree with Chilchuck," Marcille said. After watching them for a while, she came to a simple conclusion that meant she could not tolerate eating them. Falin would agree—if she said nothing about all the other bizarre things they'd eaten so far, this time she'd have to agree. Shame on him! Shame on Laios for even considering this! "… They're too cute to eat!"

Chilchuck cast a baffled eye her way. "… Huh?"

"Listen to them!" She pointed at a nearby snack bug muttering 'strabby' over and over in a squeaky, childish voice. "Look at them! Look at their big googly eyes! It'd be like eating a baby!"

"I mean, I guess," he said. "But I was going to point out they look like food. They're practically begging to be eaten, and something that wants you to eat it could be some kind of parasite."

Oh, right. That made sense too. "That too. I thought of that too."

"But…" Laios's voice carried a whining tone, like a child who didn't get a toy he wanted. His mouth turned to a deep frown, and his eyes drooped sadly. "But if we kill and cook them first, shouldn't that stop them from invading our bodies and reproducing in our stomachs?"

Marcille and Chilchuck both covered their mouths. Laios wasn't helping his case by making them imagine something so horrible possibly happening.

Senshi hummed thoughtfully, lost in thought.

"And, and…" He's actually still trying to justify it. "Perhaps they reproduce like fruit! Maybe they just want to leave seeds in the droppings of animals that eat them, to spread to distant locations?"

"Some of them look like meat," Chilchuck deadpanned. "That might've sounded convincing if they were all fruits, but they're clearly not."

"I think we should try it," Senshi said. "Like he says, they're likely safe if they're dead, and I'll check for internal parasites."

The more reasonable two of the group looked skeptical. "Laios has to try it first."

Laios beamed. "Deal!"

Whapping chops resounded in the air as Senshi's knife quickly sliced up a 'Rootle'—or that's what it seemed to call itself; slightly spongier than an ordinary carrot. This was to be the first test of the snack bugs as an ingredient; a simple soup.

"Cut off the hard root of the cabbage, and slice in half from the top, then again."

"Chop it into strips about two centimeters in length."

"Wash and chop a couple of stalks of celery."

"Peel and dice your potatoes and beetroot."

"Layer the bottom of the pot with a small amount of oil—butter works as well—and add spices. Stir for a little bit, but pour the vegetables in before it burns."

"Stir fry off some of the moisture for a few minutes. If the bottom of the pan feels dry and sticky at any point, add a dash of water so the mixing goes smoothly."

"Add w— Hm?"

Senshi grumbled, stroking his beard and furrowing his eyebrows. "Hmm…" What's happened to the rootle meat?

The vegetables from the Golem garden remained, but the carrots had vanished, and instead a strange sludge coated them. It didn't look appetizing, to say the least… But he decided to continue.

"Add water, and boil until the potatoes soften…"

Laios paced up and down while on watch, staring longingly at the foodlike monsters. A walking pile of perfectly cooked ribs crawling on the ground; a large spider crawling on the rocks and smelling like fried potatoes; a jar of pickles; berries, their fragrance sweet on the air… A wide variety of perfectly edible monsters.

His stomach complained in a queasy grumble. Damn it.

What harm could a taste do? If they were parasites, what would they be doing roaming around, very much un-eaten? They hadn't found them inside any other monsters, and there weren't any large monsters in this area; just snack bugs everywhere.

He licked his lips. Looked side to side. Nobody was looking; nobody would know if he snuck just a bite.

Catching the Rootle—the idea to name them after their chattering sounds was his—had required a simple trap, but Laios was quick enough to snatch up a 'Razzby' before it ran for the bushes, and grabbed a Ribblepede too.

He popped the Razzby into his mouth, and chewed slowly. Delightfully sweet and tart, and perfectly ripe… It tasted almost exactly like a raspberry, but the familiar, ordinary taste was enhanced further by the knowledge he was eating a monster. He felt a tingle of excitement in the tip of his nose.

Next, he took a deep sniff of the Ribblepede's grilled aroma, before taking a sample: juicy, chewy and hearty… he couldn't quite place the kind of meat. There was a slight crunch, but overall it was soft…

Upon examination, he noticed a piece of bone missing; he must have taken a too deep bite… Oh, of course! These weren't real bones, just an imitation! They were part of the monster's flesh itself!

He ate up the rest of it. While the snacks seemed to taste like the real thing, Laios had never eaten bones before, unlike some monsters with stronger teeth and digestive systems, capable of dissolving even bone or hoof. Ah well, knowing he could taste a unique flavor, that no human could ordinarily stomach, or even swallow? That was special. He felt closer to monsterkind than ever before. His fingers tickled and throbbed with joy.

… Were my fingers always so red? Ah, it's probably just the juices.

"It's done! Rootle Stew!" Senshi announced, with the usual flair that felt like listening to a blowing announcement horn.

Everyone sat to watch Laios be a test subject, but Chilchuck couldn't help but notice something amiss. Marcille's look of horror told him she saw the same.

"L-Laios? What happened to your face?"

The literally raspberry nosed man slurped at his soup and grimaced, wrinkling his strawberry pebbled cheeks. He set his bow down with fingers that were a mix of bony, and a squarish, textured yellow that resembled fried food—he certainly gave off that scent. "It's flavorless. All of it. And mushy."

"Laios," Marcille asked slowly, "what did you do?"

He wiped his mouth, and grinned, revealing some teeth were now olives. The sight had Chilchuck feeling like chucking up.

Brushing his hair back—which a careful eye revealed was full of corn kernels—Laios said: "I guess they taste best eaten raw."