FASCINATION, FIRE AND FEAR-3
Hi everyone. Many thanks for all your reviews to this story. I'm very happy that you liked it so far. First two chapters were devoted to Charles memories, so now it's time for Elsie's.
Hope you will like it.
Elsie smiled to herself, as she was walking through the moors in her childhood village. All the happy memories came back to her. She used to love those lonely walks as a child and young girl. It helped her clear her head and get away from her life problems.
Unfortunately, with her drinking father, her tired with unhappy life mother and her sister, who she loved so much, but who definitely was exhausting at times, Elsie felt, that this was the only time just for her. Where she could feel totally happy and free and there was nothing in this world, that Elsie loved more than her freedom.
Now the situation was quite similar. She came to visit her relatives and old friends, to get away from her problems. She sighed heavily, thinking, that this is not what she would expect. She loved being here on her own, but at the same time, she had to be honest and admit, that she was missing Charles tremendously and it would be so much better, if he was here with her now, so she could show him all the places, which she loved as a child.
But Charles didn't want to be here, at least she thought so, when she was leaving Downton, he seemed to relieved...Or maybe she was so tired and daunted, that she was imagining things. She wasn't sure. One way or another, she was glad to be here with her thoughts.
She sat on the big rock under the tree, searching for a little bit of shadow, on this rather sunny day and she closed her eyes. She left Scotland so many years ago, but Scotland never left her heart. In her eyes, this was the most beautiful country in the world and that was something, that she would certainly not confess to Charles.
He was so English and so proud of that. Her old, stubborn curmudgeon. In spite of the problems, she was still thinking about him with tenderness in her heart. She knew all his faults and loved him in spite of those.
Even such proud Brit as Charlie, would not be able to resist a beauty of Scottish landscapes. They could have been here, both, together, all alone. That was so easily to reach here, unlike Downton, when even the walk to the village, was not a circumstance which let them be together.
Elsie remembered very well, this happy moment between their engagement and their wedding, when they just started to enjoy their new found intimacy and there was no force which could stop them from being all over each other, but that was rarely possible, as there were constant interruptions in Downton and during their walk to the village, when they couldn't keep their hands off each other, they were constantly accompanied by someone from the village and couldn't fulfill their need of being close.
Elsie was wondering, how was it physically possible to have that urging need of being so close with someone? She spent most of her life alone, in chastity, not knowing the feeling of kisses and touches of any man...She wasn't particularly sentimental in her youth years and the courtship from Joe Burns, was rather annoying her, than evoking any other feelings.
Of course that all changed, when she came to Downton and met Charles. From day one, just as she laid her eyes on him for the very first time, something strange has happened. She was fascinated by his pure masculinity, by his big posture, by his lovely voice and all the other features of him. She loved everything about him.
Her body, which till that moment was rather obedient and used to the strictness of her life, started to fail her, in a ways that she has never knew before. Her head felt dizzy, whenever he was close to her and that was a lot, because of the professional relation that they had.
Her heart was beating abnormally fast, when she was looking him in the eyes and she felt hot flushes in her body, being afraid, that her reddened cheeks may reveal what she was feeling.
She didn't want to be ridiculous in his eyes, she didn't want him to think, that she was some young, naive girl, who had her first crush.
In her age, it would be rather pathetic, but she knew, that this was not a crush, she knew, that it was love, real love, true love and true desire.
She wanted him, so primaly and naturally, as a woman in love can want a man that she loves. She loved spending time with him, taking care of him, even when he didn't notice or appreciated it enough. She knew, that he valued her opinion, admired her work style and almost never questioned her decisions, but this was not enough for her.
She wanted to be alone with him, she wanted his touch, his kisses, all of him. She was suffering enormously, when he was going with the family to London, to do the season...Elsie may not have been the woman of the world, but she certainly heard, what London night life has to offer to men. She was lying in her bed, without sleep, wondering, if Charles was being in bed with some woman.
She wasn't afraid, that he will fall in love and marry, she knew him too well, to know that just like her, he wasn't very sentimental and such things as love affairs, or being in love, was not his style. But the very thought, that some other woman may touch him, kiss him and caress him, left a huge scar in her heart, as this was all the things that she wanted to do with him, but she couldn't.
Sometimes she was angry, that she wasn't brave enough, to confess her true feelings, but she was so afraid, that he didn't share those feelings. When you are so in love with someone, it's difficult to judge whether this person loves you back. And what if she would confess it to him and he would say no? She would die of embarrassment and would be force to leave Downton forever, knowing, that she will never see him again and that was the scariest thought that she had.
It was much better to be here and stay quiet, just that she could admire his beautifully built body, to see how his muscles are working under his shirt, when he was carrying something heavy, to watch how his hair get unruly, when he was so occupied with his work, that he didn't have time to think about it.
In those moments, Elsie always wanted to go closer to him and smooth those soft, greying locks...
Those thoughts never left her head and she felt guilty at night, when she was imagining things and situations, which were far from decency. Years went by and nothing was happening between them and Elsie spent many nights crying and thinking, that her dreams will never come true.
Yet they did, very late, but they did...He finally proposed and later she found out, that he wanted a full marriage, which should make her incredibly happy, as this was all she was dreaming about, but somehow she got scared.
She was scared, that she wasn't young enough, that her body would not meet his expectations. As silly as it would seem, she thought, that Charles deserved the best. That he deserved a beautiful woman, with a perfect body, which would satisfy his expectations.
She was far from it in her own eyes. Because of her hesitation, he almost thought, that she wanted to back down, but she explained that to him and she felt very coy, when he said, that he was never so sure of anything in his life.
This night they kissed for the first time and Elsie was crazy from love. She would want to do much more, but she didn't want to appear to eager.
However this coyness has quickly disappeared and they both let themselves to be carried by the wings of love and mutual passion...Elsie understood, that Charles was not appalled by her eagerness, on the contrary, he was very much aroused by that and whenever he saw how much she wanted him, he was even more willing, to spend those intimate moments with her, when they often forgot about all the rules and let themselves be caught in the throes of passion.
Consciously, they were both looking for those opportunities to be alone and that was certainly not easy in Downton, where so many people lived, that being alone with the person you loved and desired, was quite a challenge.
Elsie particularly remembered one Sunday, when all the downstairs team was heading to church. Elsie heard the march of her co-workers through the hall and the door out opening and closing, as they were going out, one by one.
She stood from her desk, when she was finishing something, thinking, that it was time to go now, when suddenly she heard footsteps behind her and the doors of her sitting room closing.
It was Charles, with a devious smile in his face, which could only mean one thing, but before she could even ask the reason, he already had her in his arms, kissing her in the way, that made her feel faint... She put her hands in his hair, wanting to touch it and he was holding her so closely, which practically didn't let her move away form him..Not that she would want to...His mouth devouring hers, in a way which had very little to do with their initial shy kisses, his cologne teasing all her senses and his touches on her body...Elsie was weak in the knees and unable to think rationally...
His kisses were so full of love, but at the same time so full of desire, desire for her...She never thought, that any man would want her so much, but he certainly did...
When they parted, she whispered a silent question: "Charles Carson, who taught you to kiss like that?"
"Do you really want to talk about it now Elsie, when we are finally all alone?"
"Actually, I do not want to talk about anything now..."
He understood her answer and went back to kissing her...When his lips traveled along her neck, she let herself to be lost completely in his arms...She didn't care about anything, she didn't care if what they were doing was right or wrong, she didn't care if they were gonna get caught, she simply didn't care... For Charles Carson and his kisses, she would be able to give up anything, even her professional position, which she was building with hard work for so many years...
Undoubtedly, Charles was able to make her forget who she was. Especially, when his touches became bolder with each of their sweet moments...He was going forward and she let him do that...She knew now, that he belonged to her and she belonged to him and that they have so many such delicious moments ahead of them and it was all that mattered now...
That's all for part one of Elsie's memories...I promise to continue in the next chapter. It's so much fun to write those two, I hope that I will never get tired of it and that you will still want to read my stories. With DA 3 coming, maybe we will have some new material to work with. Thank you very much for reading and have a fantastic weekend.