Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners.
One Day, When Peach Was Kidnapped
BGM: Meanwhile, at Bowser's Castle (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door)
Peach sat in her cell, softly humming to herself when suddenly, a fashion magazine slid through the bars. "Hmm?" She wondered as she looked into it.
Galarian Fashion
Peach looked up to see Marnie smiling at her. "Thought I'd give you something to do."
"Thanks Marnie." Peach smiled. "Though, I was not expecting you to be into fashion."
"Eh, just the first thing I grabbed." Marnie shrugged.
"Fair enough." The princess giggled as she started to read while Marnie walked off. However, the moment Marnie's back was turned, a portal opened up underneath Peach. "Hmm? Wah!" She yelped as she was sucked into it.
"Hmm?" Marnie turned her head as she walked back. "Something wrong, princess? Find something that caught your attent-HUH?!" She yelled in surprise.
"What's going on?" Kamek approached. "Is the prisoner feeling okay?"
"Yeah, uh… what prisoner?"
"Hmm? What are you talking abou-... what in the heck?!" Kamek said in surprise. "Do we have an escape artist?"
"It's not like her to break out on her own!" Marnie said as they both looked at each other.
"...Uh oh." Both of them grimaced as they hurried back to Bowser.
End BGM
Peach opened her eyes, finding herself out in the open air as birds flew around her. "What in the world…?"
"Nice of you to drop on by."
Peach turned her head to see Dedede munching on cake. "Dedede?" Peach wondered.
"It was his idea." Dedede said as Peach looked at Umber casually leaning on a wall while fist bumping Strange.
"Oh!" Peach giggled. "Well, this is a fun surprise."
Meanwhile…
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Bowser yelled. "Are you absolutely sure that Peach is actually gone?"
"I've checked through all the features in my eyes and let me tell ya, Peach ain't here." Marnie responded.
"Well, even cybernetic eyes can glitch, ya know!"
"Sire, with all due respect, I made Marnie's cybernetic eyes state of the art to the point where they cannot "glitch out". I made absolutely sure of it." Kamek said.
"Ah, right… and you're sure Peach wasn't hiding?"
"We did a thorough search. She's not hiding anywhere in the cell." Marnie reported.
"Crap…" Bowser groaned. "And Mario and Co are gonna be arriving at any moment. Stall 'em if you have to!"
"Right!" Kamek nodded and teleported away.
"What do we do in the meantime?" Marnie wondered.
"Well… we improvise!"
At Castle Dedede…
"Pizza, princess?" Michelangelo asked.
"Oh, thank you." Peach smiled, taking a slice and eating it. "I do have to say, I'm surprised you wanted to do something like this."
"Umber and I talked about it yesterday and thought "Why not pull a fast one on the Koopa King?" and planned it out." Dedede let out a chuckle. "I bet ol' turtle boy is scrambling around for a decoy!"
"Which is what we also thought of too." Strange added and chuckled. "Oh, he's going to be livid."
"It's gonna be worth it!" Umber grinned.
Back at Bowser's Castle…
"You want me to what?" Bowsette asked.
"Dress up like Peach!"
"...Is this because my hair was colored blonde once upon a time?"
"No! It's nothing like that! You just gotta put on a wig and a pink dress!"
"I don't do pink, bro. Seriously, just have Kamek do it. He's done it before."
"It's true, I have." Kamek walked by. "I'll sacrifice my dignity again if I have to."
"You could just make a fake with a mop."
Bowser awkwardly rubbed his head. "That won't work… not after what happened last time I tried that."
"What are you-... I'm not even going to ask." Bowsette shook her head. "Sorry, dude… I'm not budging."
"Okay, how about your wife?"
"Me with blonde hair…?" Rei wondered, picturing herself with it. "Mmm, honestly, my wispy white hair is fine as is… I don't really do pink either…"
"Okay, how about Cinder?"
"Ha!" Cinder walked by with a chuckle. "I wouldn't be caught dead in pink…"
Bowser let out a groan but then an idea popped into his head. "Aha!"
Meanwhile…
"Super duper ultra shortcut?" Ruby read as her team, the Mario Bros and Daisy were standing in front of an orange Warp Pipe.
"...Let me take a look." Daisy hopped in, and then came right back out a few seconds later.
"Anything?" Mario asked.
"Yeeeeeah, it takes you straight back to Toad Town. Let's keep going."
Through binoculars, General Guy watched his unfold. "Well, that's a problem…" He pulled out a walkie talkie. "Alpha one to Nanny, we got a problem."
"What is it?"
"That shortcut you made? They didn't fall for it."
With Kamek…
"WHAT? But I made the sign super convincing! Bold letters, pretty coloring!"
"Unfortunately, they didn't buy it."
Kamek groaned. "Alright, Plan B…"
Back with Peach…
"Tea, princess?" A Waddle Doo asked.
"Thank you." Peach smiled, happily taking the tea and taking a sip. "I do wonder how the others would take it."
"Ah, this is gonna be one of those times we just look back and laugh." Umber smiled.
"Indeed." Peach giggled. "So, I do have to wonder… have you ever thought about dressing up like me?"
"Hmm? Well, not really… I've heard Luigi's done it a few times. And of course, Kamek's done it too."
"Mhm."
"...Wait, what are you suggesting?"
Peach smiled mischievously. "Oh, nothing~ The offer's up on the table, though~"
Back at Bowser's Castle…
"Krickala Detronsopoka!"
Smoke filled the room as Bowser waved and coughed, then saw Merasmus wearing a blonde wig and pink dress, not to mention he had a fan over his mouth.
"There, am I sexy enough to be Peach?"
"Sure, if people are attracted to… decrepit old hags." Bowser grumbled.
"Is it the voice? I can make myself sound more feminine."
"Nonsense! This is how you do it!" Koume said as she and Kotake proceeded to transform into Twinrova, which caused several Koopatrols and Hammer Bros to jawdrop, some of them even went heart eyed while cat calling.
"Peach doesn't have a massive tan." Bowser said.
"Not unless you have a massive tanning bed in her cell!" Merasmus said, conjuring up magic. "Peach tans herself, doesn't she?"
"You're thinking of Daisy."
"...Crud."
"Oh come on, big boy… I'm sure they wouldn't even tell the difference." Twinrova smirked, donning a more seductive Peach outfit.
"...I'm in love." A Koopatrol swooned.
"Oh Uncle Booowseeeer~!" Wendy walked in with a Peach wig and dress. "I'm ready to trick 'em~! Took me a while to get the right make-... HUH?! Why do we have two grandma Peaches?!"
"Grandma?! I've never felt so insulted…" Merasmus sulked.
With Kamek and General Guy…
"Fire!" Kamek ordered as General Guy fired the Bill Blaster as a Bullet Bill flew over the heroes, exploding above them and spilling magic dust all over them.
"Hey… I feel kinda funny…" Blake said.
"Whooooa…!" Yang yelped as they shrunk down to the size of an ant.
"Ha! That'll slow 'em down." Kamek smiled proudly.
Mario pulled out a few Super Mushrooms. "Here ya go!" He said, tossing them to the ladies and his bro as they all took a bite and grew back to normal size.
"...Ooooor not." Kamek grimaced.
"So. How do I look?" General Guy asked, wearing Peach's wig and dress.
"The mask gives it away. There's no time for this!"
"Well, what do you suggest then?"
"We gotta keep stalling them!"
Back at Popstar…
"Hup! Ha!" Peach swung her tennis racket at a ball as Bandana Dee quickly dove for the ball and sent it back toward the princess.
"Me in Peach's outfit…" Umber folded his arms. "Sounds tempting."
Dedede laughed at the idea. "Why not… could be fun! After all, I'm sure your girls hadn't seen you in weirder outfits."
"That's true…" Umber chuckled. "Hmm, wonder if I could copy the way she walks…"
It then dawned on him. "Wait… shit, I'm gonna have to get my ears pierced, don't I?" He paled at the thought. "Ooof, and I heard from Lillie that it hurts like hell."
"Forget the ear piercing, yer gonna be wearin' make up too! Hehehahaha! That's gonna be a riot for sure!"
Umber chuckled. "Welp… Xena and Yagami are gonna be having fun with this…"
"Actually, come to think of it… there might be some clip on earrings."
"Oh thank Arceus…" Umber sighed in relief.
Back with the heroes…
"Well, this is new." Mario said, staring at a massive Whomp wall in front of them.
"We can just go around it." Ruby said as they did so, but the wall moved with them. "Ooooor not."
"Ah!" Weiss snapped her fingers. "I know just the thing!"
She got low to the ground and crawled underneath the Whomp wall.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" A Whomp demanded as everyone did the same, then they kept going.
"...They could have sat on them." General Guy said. "Or backed up!"
"Hmmm…"
"Any more bright ideas?"
"I'm thinking! …Oh!"
Kamek proceeded to throw magic on the ground, creating a massive swamp pit in front of them, filled with thorny walls preventing them from going around, along with an unstable rope bridge with animatronic alligators in the swamp.
"That's going to break in half and they're gonna be dealing with those gators! Heh… it's genius!" Kamek smirked.
"Uh… Kamek?" General Guy pointed ahead where everyone simply flew over them with Cape Feathers as they landed over.
"Ah. I see. They had a few cape feathers."
"Well NOW what do we do?"
"Well, uh… we could try-"
"What exactly are you guys doing?" Ruby asked as they were within a few feet.
"Um… selling cookies!" Kamek conjured up a few. "Chocolate chip?
"Oh! I was just craving them." Ruby grabbed a cookie. "...Waaaaait a minute, you didn't put a sleep spell in these, did you?"
Kamek started to sweat nervously. "Well-"
"Hard pass!" Ruby tossed the cookie behind her.
"I just witnessed history in the making…" General Guy said in awe.
"Well, I mean… considering you did that to her last time…" Mario pointed out.
"Ah… right. I should've done brownies."
"Spill it. What are you guys doing? We're trying to rescue Peach and you guys are stalling us." Yang said.
"Don't we always try to stall you?" General Guy pointed out.
"Yeah, but right now, you guys are being weird about it. You'd be firing magic and shooting Bullet Bills at us." Luigi pointed back.
Kamek sighed. "It's been a weird day…"
Meanwhile…
"I dunno…" Shez said, wearing a Peach wig and a pink dress. "I feel like the dress is a bit much."
"I think it looks good on you." Arval said.
Yeah, but does Peach SERIOUSLY wear this much pink?
"Peach doesn't wear her bangs over her eye." Bowser said.
"Well, maybe this one does. She's probably trying a different hairstyle." She then saw Junior walk by. "Oh sweetie~! Come give Mama Peach a hug~"
Junior blinked. "...Why are you cosplaying as Mama Peach, Shez?"
Shez jawdropped. "How did you know it was me?"
"She doesn't wear bangs over her eye and your voice was cracking trying to imitate her voice. Personally… three out of ten."
"Ack!" Shez yelped before sulking. "Everyone's a critic…"
"Hmmm…" Bowser rubbed his chin, noticing Dark Pit leaning on a wall. "Ah!"
"What are you-... don't you DARE!"
A few minutes later…
Everyone stormed into the castle. "Bowser!" Mario called out.
"BWAHAHAHAHA! So you've come! And get this! Peach is gonna watch me clobber you guys once and for all!" Bowser boasted proudly as they saw Peach in a cage, though "she" looked rather pissed with her arms folded.
"Help me, Mario. You are my only hope."
"...That's not Peach." Daisy said. "That's literally Pittoo dressed up in drag."
"MY NAME'S NOT-... ugh…" Dark Pit groaned. "My only saving grace is that Pit and Palutena aren't seeing me like this…"
He sat in a fetal position. "Someone just kill me now…"
"Very clever of you, Sarasa! But that still won't-"
"That one's not the real Peach!" A voice said as they saw another "Peach" walk in, having a Koopa beak for a face. "We're-, I mean, I'm the real Peach and I'm free as a bird!"
"Peach" walked in… only to trip as Captains Goomba, Koopa, Shy Guy and Boo all spilled out of the dress.
"I told you I should have been the face!" Captain Boo groaned.
"Not my fault you have ectoplasm on your head! It's too slippery!" Captain Goomba said.
"Okay, what's-a going on here?" Mario asked.
"I'm trying to pull one over you! The real Peach has been cloned!" Bowser lied. "Yeah… you're just gonna have to find out where she is!"
"...She's in her usual cell, isn't she?" Luigi guessed.
"Good luck finding her! BWAHAHAHAHA-"
One usual outcome later…
"Come on, let's-a go!" Mario said as they ran down to the dungeons and found Peach in her cell in a fetal position.
"Hey Peach, we've come to save you!" Daisy said.
BGM: Princess Peach Is…? (New Super Mario Bros Wii)
Peach stood up, mumbling something as the princess turned around…
…And turned out to be Jotaro instead.
End BGM
"HUUUUH?!" They all yelled.
"Good grief, is this how you treat princesses normally?" I'm going to smack Umber and Strange for this…
"M-My… P-Princess… you uh… you've been working out…?" Luigi chuckled nervously.
"I ain't Peach."
"Yeeeeah… we can see that." Ruby said. "What the heck is going on here?"
"Thank you, Mario, you've saved me! No no no, that's too low for her…"
Everyone turned to see Marnie approaching, wearing Peach's wig and dress. She even put on make up to hide her metal bands connecting to her cybernetic eyes while also having made a life like white skin colored glove to hide her metal arm.
"Thank you, Mario. But the princess is in another castle. …No, that's been done to death. Thank you Mario Bros and RWBY, I'll bake a cake for you all. Dammit… I can't get that right pitch. I'll just have to wing it."
"Hey Marnie." Weiss greeted.
"Hey Weiss. Thank you, Mario Bros. Your quest is ove-... oooooooh…" Marnie grimaced. "This is awkward…"
"Okay! Where the hell is Peach?" Daisy asked.
"Yeah… that's what I wanna know too." Marnie mumbled.
Back at Dreamland…
Umber approached Peach who was chatting with Escargoon and a few Waddle Dees. "Hey Peach."
"Hmm? Oh hey Umber."
"I've done some thinking and… I'll do it."
Peach smiled. "Oh, that's wonderful!"
"So, when do we start?"
Meanwhile, at Peach's Castle…
"Wonder what's taking so long…" Nyx wondered as she was hanging with Myra in the gardens. "It's normally not this long for them to come back."
"Maybe they took the scenic route this time?"
"Nah, not usually their style unless everyone feels like it."
The two of them glanced over at a box of doughnuts that was opened.
"More for us?" Myra smiled.
"I was thinking the same thing." Nyx giggled as the two of them grabbed a doughnut and happily ate. "Mmm, cream filled~!"
Ibuki: Umber-chan dressing like Peach-chan? Oh, this oughta be fun!
Deadpool: The boy's movin' up in the world!
Shout out to Yoshi for this Gaiden idea!