Lyrics by The Cure and Lady A.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without; I just need you now

The lyrics blasted from her headphones. She knew she was torturing herself but couldn't seem to stop. Since Angel had left her, she had begun listening to sad love songs. Getting a certain pleasure from the melancholy of the lyrics.

Picking up her phone she found his name in her contacts, her thumb hovering over the call icon. Hesitating, she sighed. She couldn't bring herself to call him. She knew he'd be there in a flash if she called.

Instead, she flicked through her photos, pausing at each one of them together. They always looked so happy, but then no one ever took photos of sad times. She missed him terribly. She had needed him badly tonight, confronting her dad had affected her more than she thought it would.

She seemed to be intent on handling everything alone, even when she didn't want to. Why couldn't she just let him in? She had accused him of emotionally blackmailing her by telling her he wanted a future with her. She knew she was unfair, but she was afraid of letting herself rely on anyone.

She was so used to people wanting things from her and then letting her down when she didn't do things their way it had felt like emotional blackmail. Thinking about it though, he wasn't. He just wanted her, wanted his future to be with her. That wasn't wrong.

The song changed and The Cure blasted from her headphones.

Spinning on that dizzy edge
Kissed her face and kissed her head
Dreamed of all the different ways, I had to make her glow
Why are you so far away? she said
Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?
That I'm in love with you?

Something in the lyrics spurred her on. They reminded her so much of Angel. She'd played the song so much when he was around it had become one of his favourites. Taking her headphones off and grabbing her car keys, she opened the front door. Only to bump into Riley just outside. "Riley!" she said startled.

"Buffy I've been thinking about this all day." He said.

Buffy was annoyed. She wanted to go and see Angel and now she had to deal with Riley. Trying not to roll her eyes she said, "Riley, it's late!"

"There's something I need to show you." He sounded so intense. But, maybe she should listen to him. She could still go to Angel, afterwards.

Following Riley in her car she was a little puzzled. Where could he want to take her at this time of night? She looked at her watch, it was almost midnight! Parking up she said to Riley, "This won't take long, will it? I have somewhere I need to be."

"Where can you need to be at midnight?" he asked incredulously. Buffy just gave him a look, it was none of his damn business!

"What did you want to show me, Riley?" Buffy asked.

"This!" She heard from behind her, turning around she found Riley down on one knee, holding a ring box containing a diamond ring up towards her.

"Riley, what the hell are you doing?" Buffy asked confused.

"Look, I know we broke up a while ago and you were with Angel for a couple of years, but now you've seen what an asshole is, I thought I'd do what I didn't have the courage to do 4 years ago."

Sighing Buffy said, "Get up, Riley, please." Riley stood up looking pleased, he went to take hold of Buffy's left hand. Pulling her hand back she said firmly, "No, Riley!"

"What, why?"

"Because I'm not in love with you. And yes, Angel and I aren't together right now. But we will work things out."

"You'd go back to that waste of space over me?" Riley shouted angrily. "You're making a big mistake here, Buffy. He'll just leave you again at some point."

Buffy was angry herself now. "You don't know what you're talking about! Angel is NOT a waste of space, I know he loves me. You don't even know why we broke up."

"I'm offering you stability and my undying love here Buffy. Do you really think Angel is going to commit to you? C'mon, give me a chance." Riley pleaded.

Arguing back and forth with Riley wasn't making any difference. This had just been a spectacular waste of her time. Now she just wanted to go to Angel.

"Look Riley, I'm sorry my answer is no. Now I have to go!" Buffy turned away from him and opened her car door.

Riley stood there looking at her with sad eyes. "I think you'll regret this, Buffy."

Buffy just shrugged before getting into her car and driving away. He may well be right, but she had to try and fix things with Angel, she knew she would regret it for the rest of her life if she didn't.

Buffy hadn't planned on drinking tonight, but when she'd arrived at the bar, she was all wound up and ready to bear her heart and soul to Angel. Instead, she saw he was sitting and talking to Darla of all people. She wasn't a jealous person. When Angel had slept with Darla last year, after they'd broken up the first time, she knew she didn't have a right to be angry or jealous. She had been, but she'd buried it. They weren't together then and he'd thought she'd slept with Spike. So, she'd let it go. Tried not to think about it and avoided Darla at work as much as she could. She'd noticed Angel did the same.

Seeing him sitting with her now brought all those feelings back to the surface. Especially now, they'd broken up again. Was he going to sleep with Darla again? Shaking her head, she gave herself a mental slap, of course not! He wanted to marry her! Why would he sleep with someone else if he wanted that?

Half an hour passed and Buffy was on her fourth shot and second glass of wine. Faith and Gunn kept buying so she doubled up when they did. She could feel her resolve slipping the drunker she got. He hadn't even noticed she was here. A voice in her head said, well, how could he? When he had his back to her and no idea she was coming. She wasn't going to let logic get in her way though. Not now she had alcohol running through her system and her emotions were heightened after the whole Riley fiasco.

Hearing them laughing together was the final straw for Buffy. She'd talked Faith's ear off about it, complaining and moaning. Faith had told her to stop being ridiculous and go over there. Well, now she would! She wasn't going to sit there whilst he cheated on her again. At the back of her mind, she knew he'd never cheated. But the alcohol was in control now and nothing could stop her. Throwing back her chair, she stormed over to Angel's table.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweepin' in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me, it happens all the time

Lady A blasted from the jukebox. Angel rolled his eyes. The song was so poignant right now. It described exactly how he felt. He kept looking at the door hoping she'd sweep in, in that way that she did. The way she would take his breath away whenever she walked into a room.

He wanted to go to her badly. But knew he couldn't. Self-preservation was key here. He'd waited for her to open up, waited for her to tell him what was wrong, but she never did. When he'd told her that he wanted to marry her she accused him of emotional blackmail!

It didn't get clearer than that. She didn't want the same things as him. The things he wanted from her; she didn't want from him. So, there had been no point carrying on. He was still there for her; she was going through a lot with her sister. But she didn't seem to want to accept his help, so what could he do?

Didn't stop him from missing and wanting her though. Glancing at the door again, he let out a frustrated sigh. He needed to change the music, walking over to the jukebox he noticed Gunn at the bar. Reading his mind, Gunn asked if he wanted another drink. Ironically, he was drinking whiskey, just like in the song.

Browsing through the songs he settled on The Cure. He was a glutton for punishment! The Cure was Buffy's favourite, he knew the song would just make him think of her more, but he didn't care. He didn't want her out of his head. He wanted her in his life and in his bed. He really wasn't sure how he was supposed to get over her, nor did he want to. She was the love of his life, irreplaceable.

Getting his drink from Gunn he sat at an empty table. Gunn was off talking to Fred and Faith was with Lindsay. The whiskey flowing through him he was enjoying being alone with his melancholy thoughts. Taking out his phone he was seriously considering calling Buffy when a voice over his shoulder said, "Company?" Turning, he saw it was Darla. He'd done his best to avoid Darla since their fling last year. Partly because it was awkward when he was back with Buffy and partly out of respect for Buffy.

But now he wasn't with Buffy, she didn't want him. Their fling aside, he'd always liked Darla. She was funny and a nice person. "Sure," he said, pulling out the chair next to him. They talked about work, about Xander and Anya, about Giles and about life in general. He did his best to avoid the subject of Buffy. Darla was telling him about her new boyfriend, she really liked him and saw it going somewhere.

She was relaying how much of a disaster their first date had been and how they laughed about it now. It was a funny story and he couldn't help but laugh, Darla laughed along with him. Suddenly Buffy was in front of him, shouting at him. The shock of seeing her there, and then his euphoria at seeing her meant he didn't register what she was shouting about at first. Realising she thought something was going on and seeing how jealous she was acting he tried to calm her down.

She wouldn't listen to him, she just carried on shouting at him, tears pouring down her face. He noticed how drunk she was then, drunker than he'd ever seen her. He knew then there was no point in trying to rationalise with her. When she was drunk, she was more stubborn than ever. He wanted to comfort her and tell her she was wrong, but he knew the best thing he could do was walk away and try and talk to her when she was sober. "I'm not doing this." He said firmly, walking away from her. She grabbed his arm furiously and spun him around.

Stepping right in front of Angel she began shouting at him. Overcome with jealousy and rage she didn't even know what she was saying. Something about him cheating on her again. She could barely hear her own voice over her frustrated and angry emotions. She could feel the tears bubbling right beneath the surface. At the back of her mind, she knew how irrational and unfair she was being.

He stood up, put his hands on her shoulders and tried to calm her down. The minute he made physical contact with her she felt the dam break. Tasting her salty tears as they ran down her face to her mouth, she didn't wipe them away she just carried on shouting. He looked at her, she could see the emotion behind his eyes. Then he let go of her and walked away towards the exit.

She wasn't going to let him just leave! She'd come here to make up with him, tell him she wanted the same things as him. It wasn't supposed to go down like this! Grabbing his arm and spinning him around she pounced on him. Kissing him, hard. Grabbing the back of his head and pulling him closer to her. She felt him respond to her immediately. He kissed her back passionately, grabbing her by the waist at the same time.

He tasted so good! His lips felt soft, he tasted like whiskey and he smelt like cologne. Feeling his hands on her waist was making her weak. He was always able to make her melt when he kissed her, it was heightened now because they'd been apart. She could feel the kiss in every inch of her body, from the top of her head to her toes.

Suddenly he pushed her back towards the wall where he pinned her with his body. Pushing himself against her he moved his kisses down her neck. Letting out a low groan, she was in ecstasy. He lifted her leg at the knee wrapping it around his waist and running his hand up her thigh until he reached her butt, which he began caressing.

She was so turned on. As his lips started to move further down her neck to her chest, she suddenly remembered where they were. Opening her eyes, she saw almost everyone in the bar staring at them, some had their phones out. Crap! "Um, Angel." She said trying to get his attention.

"Mmmmn?" He replied not taking his lips from her skin.

"We have an audience!" He stopped abruptly and turned his head. He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the exit.

When they got outside, they both started laughing. Looking at each other made them laugh more. She knew how drunk they both were then. She'd be horrified if she was sober, Angel probably not as much. It felt so good to be laughing with him. She couldn't remember the last time they'd just laughed together.

Never letting go of her hand he hailed a cab. As soon as they were in the back seat he was on her again. Kissing her lips, her neck, her chest. Alternating between all three, whilst his hands roamed all over her body. She felt like she was on fire! She moved her hands underneath his shirt, feeling his abs turned her on all the more. They were startled from their motions when the cab driver shouted, "We're here!"

She'd never shown so much PDA in all her life! She knew tomorrow she'd be ashamed of herself, but right now she didn't care, she just wanted him. He paid the driver and pulled her out of the cab. She hadn't even realised they'd gone to his place, she thought they were going to her house. She had a fleeting thought where she worried about Dawn being alone overnight. But it faded as Angel kissed her again as soon as they were in the hallway of his apartment building.

They walked and kissed towards his apartment. Stopping every few seconds. By the time they reached his front door, her shirt was open and her bra was completely exposed. This seemed to spur Angel on. He opened her shirt more, shoved her against his front door and started kissing her breasts.

She knew they needed to get inside before someone saw them. She may be drunk but she was still very aware of how exposed she was! "Angel, we need to go inside!"

He stopped his ministrations and looked at her, before unlocking his front door. As soon as they were inside they were both in a frenzy. Clothes flew everywhere, Buffy wasn't sure who was undressing who at this point. He was inside her before they'd even made it to the bed. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he stumbled towards his bed where they tumbled their limbs all in a tangle. They writhed and moaned against each other as they reached ecstasy.

Afterwards, as they fell asleep still all tangled in each other it occurred to Buffy that they hadn't actually resolved anything between them. She had a fleeting thought of how they would sort it all out tomorrow before sleep overcame her. Surely everything would still be alright in the morning?