"You're joking right." Jill winces at Alice's words. The thinly held disbelief and raw hurt in them. The silent begging of her to say yes. A part of her wants to say yes. That she was joking that she never made it in. But she won't lie to Alice.
Instead, Jill nods to herself closing her eyes and sinking into her seat. "I never thought I would get in." She admits regret tinging her voice as it feels like there is something growing in her chest clawing at her heart making it impossible to breathe.
"So, you knew. You knew when you applied and didn't think to mention that to me." Alice's voice rises in pitch and volume. The normally well controlled woman losing grip on her emotions as this all becomes too much to deal with.
Still, she refuses to open her eyes. To meet Alice's gaze knowing full well the pain that would be reflected back at her. She can't do that. Can't see Alice looking at her like that knowing she was the one to cause it. "I didn't think I would get accepted." She barely manages to repeat it again. She doesn't deny Alice's words. She can't. Not when she knew the rules going in and what that would mean for them.
When she first applied she didn't think much of her chances. It was well known women hardly ever made it through the program. She just assumed she would be the same. But at least she could say she tried. That she fought for her dreams.
A choked laugh leaves Alice. Not the happy one she is used to but more like the one that sounds like something has died inside of you and the only thing stopping you from crying is to try and laugh it away. It's a heart wrenching sound to hear never mind being the cause of it. "Really... Really. That's all you've got to say on the matter." Her agonizing tone was filled with anger.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Alice." Jill snaps back at her. This is too much. It's all too much. "I... I don't know what to do."
And she doesn't she really doesn't. She's never been faced with this type of decision before. A crossroad has been laid out in front of her and she has to pick one path knowing the other option will never be available to her again. To gain one she has to lose the other.
"How long have they given you to decide," Alice asks emotionlessly. Daring to open her eyes again Jill is met by the sight of a pacing Alice barely holding it together in front of her as she tries to figure a way out of this. One hand running through short blonde hair making it look frazzled. A feeling both of them share.
She never wanted it to come to this. "A week." Something in her voice gives her away. She knows that from Alice's reaction.
Alice halts in her steps turning to face her. The mask she wears to keep others at bay. The one Jill fought so hard to get past is back on. Alice doesn't want Jill to know what she's feeling. Doesn't want to open herself to Jill again. To see the pain and hurt she is causing. "So, you have a week to decide," Alice states coldly before turning her gaze away from Jill. "But you don't need a week to decide do you." Again, Jill winces. the accusation from Alice is met with silence. "You already know what you're going to do."
She doesn't reply to that. Can't bring herself to say the words. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Hating herself more and more wondering if she is doing the right thing. That in a few years she would regret the decision she is making.
But she knows she would be feeling that no matter which way she goes.
All her life her dream job was to join the Special Tactics and Rescue squad in Raccoon City. To make it to the top of the police force. The place where the best of the best go. Her father was a cop and he always talked about his own dream to work for the STARS but was never able to get in. She continued that dream and spent the last few years working her way through the force until she was able to apply for the role. A role she was offered after coming top of her class. A job she would have jumped at without any hesitation if it wasn't for one clause.
Due to the rivalry between STARS and Umbrella and the corruption running through the police force. All members of the STARS can have no involvement with Umbrella. If they have family working for Umbrella they are rejected from the program. If they are friends, they either have to step away from their friendship or their duty. If they are dating...
"Alice." She cries out barely holding back her own tears.
Sucking in a deep breath Jill watches as Alice tries to steel herself. How she visibly trembling fighting against her own need to start crying. Gritting her teeth to hold her own wave of emotions. "I gave up the chance to join the Secret Service... for YOU. I moved back from Washington for YOU. I did this because I love you and knew how much you wanted to join the STARS here. I gave up everything I built for myself for YOU." The words are uttered quietly but to Jill, it was worse than Alice screaming them at her. Which is made even worse as Alice's voice finally cracks. "And you gave me up in less than a day."
Jill hangs her head in shame at Alice's words. It's true. She and Alice were dating when she joined the police academy here while Alice did her degree in Washington. From there she was recruited into the Treasury Department and was on track to joining the Secret Service. And she could have done it. If not for their relationship. Neither she nor Alice wanted to do more of a long distance relationship again after college was over. So, Alice moved back to Raccoon City to be with her. She took the job at Umbrella to be with her.
And Jill is ending their relationship to become a STARs member. "You know it's my dream." She argues back weakly. Unable to hold back her tears anymore. She never wanted it to be like this. To have to pick between Alice and STARS. How is that a choice. How come she has to give up one to have the other.
"I know. Which is why I'm not fighting you on this." Alice replies moving away from her and towards their shared bedroom. "Why waste my breath embarrassing myself trying to keep us together when you've already decided that we're over."
Frozen in her seat Jill watches through the doorway as Alice quickly shoves what she can into a bag. The reality of what's happening hitting her hard sucking the air out of her lungs. A hand comes up to her mouth catching the whimper that tried to escape.
She can't cry like this. She can't be the one to be breaking down when she is the one who made this decision. She made her bed and now has to lie in it. Even when she wants to stop it. To run after Alice and beg for forgiveness. To turn down the job and try to salvage what she can of their relationship. Yet she remains rooted to the spot.
In less then five minutes Alice rejoins her in the front room grabbing her favourite blanket off of the sofa and throwing it over her shoulder. Alice doesn't look at her. Doesn't acknowledge her at all. Its deserved. She knows that. But it still hurts.
Alice then heads for the door. Jill watches as the woman she loves her their apartment and her life. She doesn't know why she says it. She just does. Maybe trying to help alleviate the pain both of them are feeling. "You are the right person but at the wrong time." The words even sound stupid to her.
Pausing in the doorway Alice doesn't around to respond to her. She faces forward keeping her back to Jill not letting her see the anguish she has caused. "If I was the right person, Jill there would be no right time." Her tone is dead, emotionless and empty. A husk in human form. And with those final words, Alice exits and shuts the door behind her.
Jill breaks down weeping through convulsive gasps knowing that's it. She and Alice are over. It's done. Five years together all gone in a single heartbeat. The worst part is she doesn't know if she made the right decision or not.