Chapter 4. Identity

Almost everyone there, including Bruce and Helen, who came into the OR just in time to hear the Soldier say that James Buchanan Barnes was a casualty, reacted in disbelief. For several seconds their voices collided with each other as they tried to fully grasp what was said then Fury ordered everyone to be quiet.

"Soldier, who do you serve?" asked Fury.

"The Avengers," he replied, succinctly.

Fury sighed, realizing he was likely to get minimal answers from the Soldier, unless he gave him permission to add more.

"Soldier, you are free to express more detailed explanations of your actions and observations," said Fury, in a commanding tone. "The Avengers do not dispense discipline in the same manner as HYDRA. You will not be punished in any matter for expressing your thoughts. Why do you serve the Avengers?"

A small twitch on the Soldier's jaw was the only indication that he heard and understood, before he answered.

"HYDRA were the Asset's original masters, but they betrayed the Asset and lied to him, repeatedly. When the commands that activated the Asset were nullified, the Asset chose to serve the Avengers, by helping Barnes when needed."

Fury contemplated what the man had just revealed to him. As much as he wanted to find out what kind of help that entailed, for now his priority was to determine what happened to Barnes. He also didn't want to do it by looking up at a floating, naked man, covered only by the sheet from the operation.

"Strange, can you lower the Soldier to the floor?" he asked. He stood in front of the man that had been Barnes as he was lowered, noticing that Dr. Strange kept the sheet up by magic. "If James Buchanan Barnes is a casualty, who exactly are you and why are you in his body?"

"Asset or Soldat is the designation given by HYDRA," replied the Soldier. "This body has always housed the Asset. When the Asset regained consciousness, it was alone. Barnes' thoughts are no longer being heard by the Asset."

"Is he dead?" asked Noelle. Immediately, the Soldier turned to her, his face softening slightly at her attention. "Is he completely gone or is he perhaps unconscious himself?"

"That is a possibility," admitted the blue-eyed man, who folded his hands in front of his body, an action that was noticed by her. "The Asset doesn't hear him or feel him in this body." He looked down at his hands, seeming submissive. "The Asset is ready for his punishment. The failure to protect Barnes is not acceptable."

Noelle looked at the others in confusion. Although Bucky had told her some things of his time under HYDRA's control there was much he didn't. Sam touched her arm as he came forward.

"He was punished whenever there was a problem on a mission," he said. "Even if it wasn't his fault, he was always the one punished." Looking closely at the Soldier he spoke directly to him. "There will be no punishment. The failure was not your responsibility. It was beyond your control. Do you have a name?"

"My designation is Asset or Soldat, Soldier if you wish to use the English language," replied the man. "No other name was given until Steve Rogers said the name Bucky. He was incorrect, as Bucky was Barnes' name. He usually retreated while the Asset was active as the actions of the Asset often caused him distress."

Another tidbit of information that Fury wanted to explore but knew it would have to wait. What was becoming obvious to the director was that this incarnation of the Winter Soldier, although still mostly an unknown entity, was likely not a danger to anyone there. Still, he wanted to hear it from the Soldier himself.

"You won't attack any of us?" confirmed Fury. The Soldier nodded curtly, once. "We need you to stay in the medical center to recover from your surgery and for us to perform some tests. Will you comply?"

"Ready to comply."

"Dr. Banner, Dr. Cho, give the Soldier a full medical," ordered Fury. "You may want to contact Shuri and get their medical records of any brain scans they did in Wakanda. Take a statement from the other medical staff that were present. I want to see Friday's video of all of it as well. Did Friday record what happened outside the quinjet?"

"Should have," said Joaquin. "Tony's suit may have as well. I'll get on it."

"What if he gets violent?" asked Bruce, still not convinced. "It will bring the big guy out."

"He says he will comply," replied the director. "I'm inclined to believe him."

"I can stay here," said Carol. "Perhaps Thor and I can take turns as our strength is greater than his."

Fury nodded, then stood between the Soldier and Noelle, making direct eye contact with her. She looked up at him, then nodded and turned around. The Soldier's eyes followed her as she left the OR, but he did as he was told and waited to be commanded. Sam, Noelle and Fury came out to where the other nurses and doctors were.

"Thank you for your assistance," said Fury to them. "You are not in danger, but we are just at the beginning of investigating what has happened. You all signed non-disclosure agreements prior to your arrival here?" They all nodded. "Please stay a little longer as your account of what happened may be needed."

He turned away, leading Noelle and Sam to a private office, closing the door behind them. As they sat, the pair could see that Fury already had an idea of what had happened.

"It's the Winter Soldier, isn't it?" asked Sam. "He's always been there, in the background. I thought that Shuri was able to remove the personality."

"Are you saying that Bucky has Dissociative Identity Disorder?" Noelle looked from one man to the other.

"It's been a while since I read the Winter Soldier files," admitted Fury. "I would have to read them again to re-familiarize myself with what HYDRA did to bend Sergeant Barnes to their will. The torture and abuse they subjected him to certainly could have caused him to dissociate as a coping mechanism. The Winter Soldier personality likely came from that as they found it to be more receptive to their programming. The command words were a way to access that personality quickly. Barnes still had memories of what he did as the Winter Soldier so the connection must have been there, but the Soldier never came out except when the words were used. Once the Wakandans removed the impact of the code words, it was assumed the Soldier was gone but it would appear he remained in the background. Yet he isn't the same soldier that we encountered in 2014, or that Zemo activated in 2016. He's grown as this one knows the present time, knows you, knows your daughter, and he is loyal to the Avengers."

"But he's not Bucky," stated Noelle. "Where is Bucky?"

"I don't know." Fury sighed. "I don't want to speculate on where he is, but it is certain that the Soldier doesn't feel him as being present and he's bothered by that. He said he failed the last part of the mission." Fury looked at Noelle. "What did he mean?"

She swallowed visibly. "Bucky always promises to come home when we're saying goodbye before a mission," she answered in almost a whisper. Tears began to form then she breathed deeply, calming herself. "He's still alive. The Soldier knew when Bucky had retreated, right? He said that Bucky often retreated when he was active, maybe a form of sleep as a self-protective measure. Unconsciousness is different from sleeping; it's an unresponsive state and Carol said he didn't respond to pain stimulation in the quinjet. So, I have to believe that Bucky is still there, just not responsive."

Fury nodded. "It's as good a theory as any."

"They're going to have to give him permission to eat and rest," said Sam. "Bucky talked sometimes about how the Soldier wasn't allowed to do anything without permission. The only time he was given any sense of free will was during a mission, when he was told to do everything and anything to complete it."

"Why does he refer to himself in the third person?" Noelle looked from one man to another. "Doesn't he have a name or a sense of identity?"

"No." Sam shook his head. "He was always referred to as the Asset or the Soldier. He was a weapon, a living one that they abused constantly and feared because he was unpredictable. That unpredictability was likely Bucky asserting himself and they beat him down constantly to keep it suppressed. The Soldier was programmed to obey, accept any and all discipline, and expect to be punished for the least violation. This one might be loyal to the Avengers but he's still a product of HYDRA programming."

"Then give him a name and permission to ask for things," said Noelle, standing up. "He deserves that much and if he can sense when Bucky is back, we need him to trust us enough to tell us."

She left the office, returning to the door of the medical center, where she paused for a time. The Soldier was seated on a bed, now wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms as Helen Cho gave him a physical examination, while Carol Danvers stood beside them. Bruce, Dr. Strange and Dr. West were gathered a short distance away having a quiet but intense discussion. As Noelle turned her attention back to the Soldier, she made eye contact with him. His stare was intense but there was nothing aggressive about it. In many ways it reminded her of how Bucky looked at her from across the jazz club on the night they met. There was a definite interest in the Soldier's eyes, and she suspected that when he folded his hands over the front of his body earlier it was to camouflage that he was aroused. It was certainly something that Bucky never had an issue with, as becoming aroused was easy for him.

"It's strange, isn't it?" asked Sam, who had come up behind her. "It's Bucky's face but behind the eyes it's someone else."

"It is but it isn't," she replied. "Maybe he's so integrated with Bucky that some things about him have always been Winter, and some things are not. We just never knew the difference because we've only known Bucky. I wonder if he was aware that Winter was still there."

"Winter? Is that what you want to call him?" He tilted his head. "Winter Soldier was the name of the HYDRA project that created him, but they never called him that to his face. It acknowledges his past, I guess, but I don't know if giving him an identity is a good idea."

"He's still an individual," responded Noelle. "Still a human being. Doesn't he deserve to be treated as one?"

She walked towards the Soldier, noticing how he visibly straightened himself up as she approached. The other doctors stopped talking as she came closer, and Helen stopped her examination.

"I want to give you a name," said Noelle, looking him in the eye. "Soldier and Asset aren't names, and you are an individual. May I call you Winter?"

He blinked a few times and a slight rosy hue spread over his cheeks. "Yes," he replied. "Winter is a good designation." Noelle smiled slightly at him and turned away, but his voice stopped her. "The Asset ... I am sorry for failing."

"Thank you," she said. "I believe Bucky is still alive, just unresponsive. I'm sure when he comes around that you will tell us, won't you?"

"Yes, I will comply." He blushed again, then as if he was taking a liberty, he added something else. "Good night, Noelle."

"Good night, Winter." She stopped and turned back once more. "Winter, if you want anything, like food or water, you are permitted to ask for them. If you need to relieve yourself, you can do so. Asking for permission is good but not always necessary. Do you understand?"

He nodded hesitantly, then watched her leave, the intensity of his gaze drawing the attention of the others. Bruce, following Noelle's lead addressed Friday.

"Amend the patient record. Remove name designations Asset and Soldier, replace with Winter." He shrugged at the other three. "She's not wrong. He is an individual." He turned to Winter. "If anything makes you uncomfortable, please tell us and we will stop. You may ask questions. There will be no punishments for asking questions."

Sam was still unsure of the wisdom of giving the Soldier a name, but Noelle was next of kin for Bucky, and it was still Bucky's body that occupied that bed. If giving him a name and some autonomy helped her deal with whatever the hell had happened, he wasn't about to openly criticize that. They strode together to the Wilson quarters, discussing how to tell the children what had happened, which is when he understood why Noelle wanted the Soldier to have a name. Opening the door of his quarters by placing his palm on the scanner they entered to the sounds of Winnie and Paul playing happily. Dawn was in the kitchen, coming out when she heard the door click open.

"So, how did the surgery go?" she asked, trying to be optimistic, then noticing the long look on their faces.

Sam glanced at Noelle who was focused on Winnie. He put his arms out for his son.

"Hey big guy, come to the kitchen with your mom and dad," he said. "Auntie Noelle needs to talk to Winnie."

He picked Paul up then guided Dawn into the kitchen as Noelle sat on the living room floor with Winnie, her daughter scrambling onto her lap. She pulled the little girl in close, kissing her on the head.

"Is Papa back?" asked the little girl. "What's surjree?"

"Papa is back," replied Noelle. "He was hurt, and the doctor had to do an operation on him to fix what was broken."

Her daughter's eyes widened, then her lips trembled. "Is he okay? Did they fix him?"

"They fixed what was broken in his body but when he woke up, he wasn't sure who he was." Noelle certainly wasn't going to try to explain multiple personalities to a 3 -year-old child. "He knows who we are, but he thinks he's someone different, someone named Winter. It's going to take time to find out how to fix that, so he has to stay in the medical center until then."

"But I want Papa." Winnie pouted a little. "He promised to come home."

"I know and Winter is very sorry that Papa isn't here," explained Noelle. "He thinks it's his fault."

"Can I go see him?"

Noelle took a deep breath. "Not yet. The doctors are doing all sorts of tests on him to figure out how this happened. Maybe in a few days."

"Okay. Can I draw a card for Papa?"

"Sure, baby," smiled Noelle. Standing up, she lifted Winnie into her arms, then looked into the kitchen. "We're going home. Thanks for watching her."

Dawn hugged them both. "Anytime, Christmas, anytime."

Noelle grinned at her friend. They had been nurses in the same ER for a long time before the night Noelle met Bucky at the jazz club, not being there herself because of a family emergency. Noelle's nickname, Christmas, had been bestowed by Dawn upon her on their first shift together, during a busy December. When Sam met Dawn, as best man to her maid of honour, sparks had flown between them almost instantly and they married only a few months later. Both women, as experienced nurses, a profession that exposed them to the best and the worst of humanity, knew the risks of marrying the two Avengers. They each knew, without a doubt, of the love and devotion their partners had for them. Somehow, these people, this found family, would find a way to fix this. Noelle had faith in them, and faith that Bucky was still there, somewhere.

Bucky

In the moment between awareness and the start of cryostasis, the Asset would be seen staring straight out of the small window of the cylinder, his eyes focused on something far away. There were memories of raising his hand to the glass as if to beg them not to finish the procedure that would put him into a state of oblivion. Whether the technicians who came to visually check on him after the freezing had completed, ever noticed his hand was raised was unknown as it was never mentioned to him when the unthawing happened. Not that he would have remembered anything said to him at that time, as that process was always harder on him, since his body often struggled to come around. As the design of the cylinder changed over the years the Asset remained HYDRA property, so did the process and how he was prepared but the end result was always the same. The Asset was still blind for several long moments after awakening, then he would be aware of the cold as he was covered in a slick of freezing water that must have been the frost melting off his skin in the slightly warmer air of the cryostasis lab. Not that 6 degrees C was noticeably warmer to him than the -196 degrees C of the liquid nitrogen used in the cryostasis process; it was still cold. His strength was non-existent during the awakening process, resulting in him being dragged to the memory processing room where he would be strapped into the chair, then the mask lowered over his head and face before he could resist. The cold helped lessen the pain of that process, somewhat, but it was still painful as were the seizures and convulsions his body would undergo by the time the process ended. Karpov would always read the words out while walking and holding the book; the words that brought the Soldier forward while pushing Barnes into sleep, at least that was the theory. It never struck the Soldier as odd that Karpov hadn't committed the words to memory, considering how many times he used them on the man who used to be someone else.

His eyes opened and for a moment Bucky thought he was back in the cryogenic room as he felt cold, and he couldn't see anything. A panic gripped him for a moment then he closed his eyes, using some of the calming techniques he learned during the sessions with Dr. Santino, the therapist contracted to the Avengers. He had been a much better fit with Bucky than Dr. Raynor, focussing more on healing the turmoil still in Bucky's mind. He took three long and deep breaths then opened his eyes to find three things he could see. There was nothing in his view.

"Hmm," he said out loud. "That doesn't help."

At least he could hear his own voice but around him there were no walls, no furniture, no windows, just nothing. He looked down as he should have seen the surface he was laying on but there were no details to latch onto other than it was also grey. He could see his hand and as he sat up, he could also see his legs and feet but the colouring of them seemed muted and off. When he ran his hands over his body, he could see and feel that, noticing he wasn't dressed in his tactical gear. Instead, he wore a plain white long-sleeved T-shirt and sweatpants, and he was barefoot. As he sat there, he looked again around him, realizing that although he was in a void, if he looked long enough it wasn't entirely without features. Where he was seemed brighter although his body cast no shadows and when he looked up there didn't seem to be a light source. As he focused on the space further away from him it seemed to get darker but there was no line of demarcation that defined the light from the dark. Standing up wasn't a problem and so far as he could tell he seemed to be alright although his one side was sore, making him wonder if he had broken some ribs. Then he ran his hands through his hair, stopping when his fingertips touched a bare section of his scalp, where it had been shaved. There was a ridged part, likely scar tissue, and he wondered if he had sustained a head injury. It didn't hurt very much but the sensation was definitely there.

"Am I in a coma?" he asked out loud. Then he yelled. "Hello? Can anyone hear me?"

There was no echo, no indication that his voice had extended any further than the space immediately around him. Turning slowly in a circle gave no change to where he was, although he experienced a moment of vertigo and stopped. His choices were limited, and he reasoned that if he began walking perhaps he might come across something. Tentatively, he took his first steps, testing out the surface below him. It was firm and felt cool on the pads of his feet, so he kept going and walked. He looked at his right wrist after a while realizing he hadn't checked the time, but his watch wasn't there. A moment of panic seized him as he reached for his dog tags, but they were right where they had always been and he stopped as he pulled them out of his T-shirt, reading the name and serial number on them; James B. Barnes 32557038.

Looking into the void he wondered if he went faster and even ran that he could find something somewhere. He counted to 60 in his mind as he did so then looked around but it was all the same. Another idea came to him, and he peeled off the T-shirt, dropping it onto the floor. Stepping backwards from it he kept it in his vision until he couldn't see it any longer then turned around and stumbled over it, now in front of him.

"Huh," he grunted, picking it up, which is when he glanced at his left hand, noticing that his vibranium wedding band was also still in place, on his left ring finger.

"Noelle," he gasped, dropping to his knees, as the realization hit him that he might be dead and lost to her forever.

A sudden stabbing sense of grief seemed to clutch at his heart, and he pressed his right fist against the centre of his chest in an effort to stave off the pain. It was almost blinding in its intensity, making it difficult for him to breathe and he bent his head over, before lowering his body back to the surface below him, curling up in a fetal position, gasping and crying as a dark fear sent its tendrils into him. Then there was blackness.

Winter

The moment Soldat woke up in the operating room, surrounded by those masked doctors he thought HYDRA had him again. He remembered Barnes getting hurt and realizing the barrier between them was damaged after the man was thrown hard into the side of the quinjet. Even as the injury in Barnes' brain grew worse with every exertion he made as he dragged the red metal suit inside the aircraft there was one force driving him; protect the team and get them out of there. Soldat was aware that by the time Barnes placed his hand on the palm reader he was at his physical limit. It had been Soldat's intention to help sustain Barnes when together they lapsed into unconsciousness but somehow, he had ended up as the primary identity in Barnes' body. When his eyes opened in that operating room and he saw the five masked people standing around him his first instinct had been to get away, to stop whatever they had been doing to him. The memories of waking up after other surgeries were still seared deep into his own memories, never fully scraped out by the memory wipes as a residual fear was always left behind. Then the one doctor was suddenly enveloped in a red cloak and made some hand motions that at first mesmerized Soldat, until he was immobilized and lifted into a floating position that he couldn't break out of. His anger and rage came out in full force, and he screamed at them in his mother tongue of Russian to let him go but after the other medical staff left, the one in the red cloak looked carefully at him.

"Where's Barnes?"

Like he was going to tell HYDRA where Barnes was. Then it struck him, he couldn't feel Barnes, couldn't feel his other identity who often retreated while Soldat took on the missions that required the elimination of a target. Where was Barnes, what had they done to him? All he could do was continue to spew in Russian at this foul doctor who would feel his hands around his neck for whatever experiment they performed on the body he shared with Barnes. It was then the man in black entered and Soldat felt a thrill at the proximity of the target known as Fury. He was older than the last time Soldat fired his weapon on the man. When he ordered Soldat to speak in English, there was a sense of admiration for this man who had survived two attempts on his life, even though the Soldat was punished for failure to complete his mission on the first attempt.

"Fury, Nicholas J., targeted for elimination on March 14, 2014," said Soldat, using the voice that he used when giving his mission reports. "Target eluded first attempt. Second attempt was thought to be successful, but it was revealed that the target survived." He noticed a glowing woman next to Fury and recognized her, even though he wasn't sure how, unless Barnes had just met her, and that memory was still fresh in the shared place of their minds. "Danvers, Carol Susan Jane, code name Captain Marvel, human-Kree hybrid."

Others came in and he identified Joaquin Torres, code name Falcon and Yelena Belova, code name White Widow. They were Avengers. Then another woman pushed her way in, and his breath caught when he saw her. She was beautiful and he had a sudden memory of seeing her in a place filled with music, then she was in his arms; no, she was in Barnes' arms. She was Barnes' wife and her presence almost muted him.

"Noelle Belanger Barnes, married to James Buchanan Barnes, June 1, 2024. Mother of his daughter, Winnie Sarah Barnes, born March 17, 2025." She seemed upset and Soldat's attention on her was distracted by the arrival of Samuel Wilson, who he identified then he looked back at Noelle, and asked her a question that seemed to come out of nowhere. "Where's Winnie?"

Everything seemed to become chaotic in the room until Fury ordered him to repeat his mission then to give his mission report. He did both, which is why when Wilson said he saved everyone he had to tell them the truth, that one was missing.

"No, there is one casualty," said Soldat. "He isn't there anymore. The Asset failed the last requirement of the mission."

Noelle came closer to him. "Who is the casualty?" she pleaded. "Please tell me."

He blinked his eyes several times, then licked his lips, sorry that he was the one telling this beautiful woman the sad truth.

"Barnes, James Buchanan, Sergeant. Birthdate, March 10, 1917. Previous code name, Winter Soldier. Current code name, White Wolf."

That set off another bout of loud reaction that bothered him then Fury asked who he served. He wondered why they seemed surprised that he had aligned himself with the Avengers. It was obvious to him that once the word commands that HYDRA used to control him, and Barnes, were nullified that he would serve whom Barnes served. Even though he stayed in the background he knew there were times when Barnes was at his limit and it was he, Soldat, who provided that extra burst of energy, or strength using the much better arm that was so well integrated into their body. The satisfaction that Barnes felt in the completion of his missions, following mission orders, protecting the team, returning home to Noelle and Winnie, was passed on to him and it was a much happier existence than anything HYDRA ever provided.

His wife's pain at the news that Soldat couldn't feel Barnes anymore was evident, and he wanted to touch her to offer comfort, but he still wasn't sure about these people, if they would allow physical contact. At least he was lowered to the floor and after assuring Fury that he meant no harm to anyone he was allowed to stand without restraint. Aware that her presence had aroused him the Soldier attempted to subtly cover the part of his body that betrayed his interest in the woman, an act she noticed but did not acknowledge. When Noelle left with Fury and Wilson, he wanted to go with them, just to be in her presence but Fury ordered him to stay and allow the doctors to examine him. He complied, noticing the differences in how they treated him compared to how HYDRA medical staff had. These people were much gentler with their touches, respectful and always prefacing what they were doing next.

Noelle's return brought something unexpected as she told him that she wanted to call him something different than Soldier or Asset. She gave him a name, Winter; and asked if that was alright with him. It was a strange sensation to be addressed differently and he could feel a warmth in his cheeks. The name she chose was unique but so was he and he accepted the name as a gift. She surprised him again by telling him to let people know when he was hungry, or had to relieve himself, that asking permission was good. No one contradicted her and he accepted her word as being freely given. Even as he said goodbye to her and watched her leave again there was a change in the atmosphere as the older shorter doctor, Banner, made a pronouncement that Soldier's name was to be Winter. Then the doctor went even further, making eye contact with him and telling him that if anything made him uncomfortable, he was to say so. He was permitted to ask questions and no punishment would be given if he had doubts. Banner seemed sincere and there was something in his own eyes that indicated he understood the confusion still being felt by Winter. That was his name, not Soldier, not Soldat, not the Asset; Winter was his identity now.