Chapter 71: The Blue Woman
He nearly died in his sleep.
Fenn's eyes snapped open as the blade touched his throat. He could feel the pressure of the rusted metal against his skin, even though he was not entirely sure where he was…
He did the only thing he could do…he screamed and lashed out with the Force…
…lashed out with the dark side.
The telekinetic pulse pushed the shade standing over him away, he stumbled to his feet, screaming, only to find himself surrounded by shades, the raised corpses of the Survivors, some still burning from the nuclear fire that Avy had unleashed upon them.
Dr. Tagge, Major Locke, Master Onno, Krys Capistan, they were all there…all crying out for his blood!
Even Temmin…his student!
Even Temm!
He had no weapon as they came at him, wailing and reaching out with skeletal claws and blades.
"Traitor," the shrieked.
"Murderer," they cried.
"SITH!" they roared.
"SITH!"
As it was on Avy's ship, the light side was still blocked to him, he couldn't sense it, much less draw on its power. All that was left to him was fear and anger. The nightmares refused to let go, even now they tried to pull him back down into unconsciousness and damnation.
He was terrified! Enraged!
He had no choice.
He lashed out with all his emotions.
Shadow vs shadow…his enemies didn't stand a chance.
They flew back as he raised his hands, and sent blasts of Sith lightning burning through the air. One spirit made it through, and stabbed at him with a rusty vibroblade, he danced around it, and reached out with the Force, snapping its neck. He…
Fenn! Stop!
The cry echoed through the Force. The voice of the blue woman who had tried to save him on Tatooine.
They're people, Fenn, NOT ghosts. Wake yourself up. You're not dreaming now! STOP. STOP!
He stumbled back, blade still in hand. He shook his head, slapping himself across the face, hard.
The world finally came back into focus. The shadows faded as he finally shook off the last of Avy's spell, the nightmares were still there, but he was strong enough to look beyond them.
He took in his surroundings, and what he saw…
No, he thought.
OH NO!
He was standing on a barren plain, a blue pitiless sky above him, two suns burning down. The ghosts that had been attacking him had been a pack of scavengers, people, humans and aliens in ratty robes and bits of armor.
They fled his attacks, boarding rusted out speeders and swoops, streaking away across the sandy plains, leaving their dead behind, theirs, and Fenn's.
He swallowed hard, his heart pounding his chest.
He…what had happened, he wondered.
Where am I?
He fell to his knees, breathing heavily. He…
He gasped.
Everything hurt!
His shirt was gone, as were his boots. His skin was scarred with electrical burns, mementos of his…chastisement by Avy.
One injury he thought, one of many.
He looked down at his arm, finding a metal brace, and signs of injections, kolto more than likely, his ribs had been taped, and his right ankle fitted with a brace. His chest was…
He looked down with a shuddering breath.
On his chest, right next to his left shoulder was a brand…the sigil of Avaryss' house, he recognized. The skin red and slightly melted. The burning sensation becoming sharper as his head cleared.
He…he couldn't believe it.
She had branded him!
Marked him as HER property!
Insulting as it was demeaning, the anger helped to burn away any last trace of the nightmare.
The world turned red, but he had been ready, he focused and did his best to let the rage flow through him, and out.
It was not easy, part of him wanted to cling to that rage. The part that had first awakened in the shadowy underbelly of Coruscant was wide awake once more. Master Jas had helped him cage that animal, but the cage was gone. Avy had torn the last of the bars away, and he had let her.
That beast was awake now, awake and hungry.
It took all his self-control not to give himself over to it completely.
He wanted it all!
Blood!
PAIN!
SUFFERING!
He…he…
A shuddering breath escaped his lips.
Focus, he thought, and with it the memory of his master's face helped him find a sense of composure.
Focus.
He did…and slowly…with effort…he became himself again.
He shook his head, finally seeing what was around him. What he saw made him feel ill.
Avy had not only left him here, she had left the bodies of the fallen Survivors, the ones she had showed him aboard her ship. The stasis pods where they had been stored had been ripped open, the scavengers he had just run off had been looting their corpses.
His eyes narrowed as he looked down at the dead creatures, those that had dared try and violate his friends, and himself.
The rage boiled up again!
Part of him wished to give chase, to make sure the few that got away didn't get far…he…
He cried out in fury, pounding the hard ground beneath him. Much better that then to go after living victims.
He wanted to pursue, to inflict pain…he…
No, he thought.
NO!
No more, he swore to himself.
NO MORE!
He would not live as a monster!
He couldn't say how long he remained there, trying to regain his sense of calm. He feared that if he stood, he would give chase, and he wanted to give those that got away more and more time to be far away from him, far enough away to escape his raging emotions.
He breathed, tried to remember what Master Jas had taught him. He even used the burning sensation of the brand to focus, to gather his thoughts.
He tried to recite the Jedi code, but given everything that had happened these last few weeks, it brought no comfort.
He no longer felt the strength of the code, not after what he had opened himself to, his passions had burned bright, and now, they had burned away the last of his sense of Jedi control…
…he…he feared that he would never find that control again…
…never.
So he breathed in and out, and…eventually it seemed to work.
Slowly, he regained his wits, and came to his feet, the pain was not crippling at least, he looked around closer this time, to see if there was anything here that he could use. He found what looked like a Sith survival pack, one marked with the signs of the empire, the scavengers had ripped it open, but abandoned it when they ran away.
He stumbled over to it, digging through its contents. He found a small medical pack, the raiders had not been able to get it open, a small finger print scanner kept it sealed tight.
He was not surprised to find that the scanner was keyed to him.
Inside were dried rations, and hydration tablets. He took two of the pills and devoured three of the ration bars.
He had no idea how long he had been here. His face was sunburned, his lips dry and cracked. He…
"Three days."
The voice echoed through the Force, the woman's voice again.
"You have been here for three days."
He acknowledged her answer with a slight nod, but didn't move.
He simply sat there, among the dead, letting the food and pills take effect. Slowly, he felt more like himself, his head finally cleared.
He sobbed, but no tears fell.
He…
He had no idea what he was going to do next!
He…
Avy…
What the hell would happen now?!
As he sat there, as the suns overhead burned down, he realized that he couldn't stay here. The scavengers would return, and even if they didn't more likely would. Where ever he was, this was a harsh world.
He looked up at the bodies of his friends.
He…he couldn't leave them here, not like this.
He staggered to his feet once more. Looking around, seeing what he had to work with.
Dried brush, some dead trees, rocks of various sizes.
He nodded, his attention once again turning to the bodies.
He couldn't save them, his friends, thanks to Avy, but…he could honor them all, one last time.
He took a deep breath, and tried to focus on that.
He could send Krys and the others off. It was what was right, and proper.
He got to work. The hot ground burning his bare feet.
He looked down at one of the scavengers, the man was about his size, his duster coat would fit, Fenn figured. He used the Force to flip the body over, stripping off the dead man's jacket. He shrugged painfully into it, the brand on his chest and the electrical burns on his chest hurt like fire.
He gritted his teeth, and dealt with it. He endured. Pain was something he was starting to get used to.
He ran his fingers down the dirty leather coat.
It would serve him better than simply being sunburnt. He decided to check the other bodies, he would need weapons, food, and anything else they might have on them.
Boots, the thought flitted through his mind.
Boots would be nice!
He hurried to the next body.
Survival first, he thought, and then…I honor the others.
It is what they were all owed.
It was the least they deserved.
IOI
As the sun started to dip below the horizon, the flames rose high into the sky. The pyres turning dusk into the brightest day.
Fenn watched the flames lick at the bodies of his friends, his fellow survivors.
He shook his head.
Survivors no more.
The flames consumed Onno, his cybernetics would be so much melted junk soon enough. It was a fate the Jedi Master didn't deserve. Krys…the others…they didn't deserve it either.
To the left, another fire burned, the remains of the scavengers he had killed. He had stripped them of everything of value, but could not leave them to simply rot.
They had only been trying to survive, as he was now.
How could he not see them off as well?
Fenn limped away from the rising flames, though part of him longed for them as well. After his failure, after the fall of Survivor Squad, didn't he deserve to burn with the rest of the dead?
No, he thought, I don't deserve rest. If anyone deserves to be picked apart by scavengers and carrion eaters, it is I.
He shook his head.
He deserved death, but was not quite ready to surrender to it, not yet.
He had no idea where he was, he wanted to know that first, then he could decide what came next.
Then…he could decide where and when he wanted to die.
He made for a lone swoop bike, abandoned by one of the beings he had killed. Its saddle bags filled with everything he could scavenge from his dead, and those that had tried to rob them.
Among it, was Krys' book of drawings, he was not sure why Avy had left it, but he could not bring himself to put it in the fire with the Colonel's body.
He still hoped to get it back to Gilly, if she still lived, or perhaps, someone from the Republic, someone who would understand its value.
It was part of history now, it deserved more than the flames.
Far more than him…at least.
He looked down at the beaten vehicle, it was better than nothing he supposed.
It would serve.
He swung his leg over it, making it groan, he turned the activator switch, making its engine cough to life.
Fenn Shadowstone shot off across the arid plains, heading in the opposite direction from where the scavengers had fled.
He still needed some time alone.
His yellow eyes narrowed, as he flew across the wastes.
He still…needed to think.
IOI
He rode for hours.
He was afraid to stop, afraid to face everything that had happened, and what he had become. He focused on the roar of the engine, and the wind in his face, anything not to think about the horrors that he had escaped when he fought his way back to consciousness.
He only stopped when he came upon a rocky outcropping. There was shelter here, overhanging rocks and caves. As he brought his swoop to a stop, he reached out with the Force, its shadowy touch finding nothing and no one living close by.
He was grateful for that.
The state of mind he was in, the shame and anger in his heart, he would be sorely tempted to simply destroy anyone or anything that might see his passing.
He wanted to leave no trace, just in case the scavengers had friends, friends who might seek retribution, or desire what little he had left.
He brought his swoop to a stop within a large cave, and from there, sought out a rocky outcropping only a few steps away. Here he would be able to rest, he dared not risk a fire at night, not wishing to draw any attention.
Overhead, a large green moon appeared in the sky, by it, and the light of the stars, he could see well enough that he was not tripping over any minor outcropping.
A small favor in a world that offered little, he thought.
It was colder now that the sun had set, he limped over to a place where he would have a good vantage point of everything around him, just in case.
He sighed, and sank to the ground, again the pain in his body washed over him, the adrenaline finally wearing off.
He checked his supplies, all that he had been able to scavenge, he found a bottle of water from among the scavengers' things, he drank deep, and let the water run down his chin. He again inspected his injuries, the brand on his chest didn't seem that bad. His arm and leg still pained him, but the braces at least offered him some movement.
His attention was again drawn to Capistan's book, he flipped through the later pages, finding pictures of the people he had known and worked with, none of these Survivors remained now, those not killed on Tatooine had likely died by Avy's hands.
He found himself focused on one of the pictures of her, or rather, the picture of the glamour that had hid her true face.
Tru, he thought, still remembering seeing Avy smile with her mouth, and glare down upon him with her eyes.
Again the anger started to rise, and again, he tried to cut if off.
He would not do this.
He was still a Jedi…
…wasn't he?
He sighed and closed his eyes, tried to meditate on the Force, find the light, and use it to heal himself.
Again, he found himself disappointed.
The light was gone, it had been snuffed out.
All that was left…was shadows.
He tried to go to the place within himself the place where he and Avy had their connection. He thought he could use it to rise above his own pain and anger, and again…he was disappointed.
The connection, their safe spot was a quagmire of darkness, it was as dark as the void of space, and twice as cold, and in that place, he was not alone.
He could hear it, voices, chanting rising above the pounding of his heart.
He knew he should turn away, but he couldn't do it!
He reached out, let him drift to those voices, and in the shadow, the words became clear.
AV-AH-RYSS!
AV-AH-RYSS!
AV-AH-RYSS!
The chant echoed through his mind, and finally, he saw where he was.
He stood upon a well-lit stage; the massive gathering hall built in Sith Imperial style. Giant crimson banners bearing the sigil of the empire hung every few feet.
Bellow the stage were hundreds of Sith soldiers, troopers, technicians, pilots, and officers, all chanting the name of his lover.
Chanting the name of their master!
They could not see him, none of them, he recognized some of them too. Zay stood with the children, once again clad in her hood and cloak. Avy's apprentice looked down on the soldiers with a cold sense of calm and purpose. Blyss and Jeer fidgeted, and looked like they wanted to be anywhere but up on the stage. Abominus skulked behind them, her large wings curled about her. Holli was there too, the changeling once again clad in the uniform of an imperial commander. Xen and Beric were next to her, they stood at attention on the stage, stood in a place of honor. Taya stood with an older woman who looked just like her, and a dark-skinned man. Her family he realized.
Avy had returned to her people, and now they had the keys, and who knew what else to help them realize her goals.
A blonde-haired human in the uniform of an imperial general addressed the gathering, his voice hard, and dripping with cruelty, his eyes were alight with fanatical excitement.
"Our enemies are all around us," the General's voice boomed, "The cowardly invaders, the ineffectual Republic, and usurper Acina, and what remains of the ineffective dark council…"
The crowd's voices raised in anger.
Death to the invaders!
Death to the Republic!
Destruction to the council!
The General nodded.
"We stand alone, as the true bastion of imperial might and courage. Our journey will be long and hard, but in the end, we WILL restore imperial power, and order to a troubled galaxy!
"FOR THE SITH!" someone in the crowd shouted.
"HAIL AVARYSS!"
"Only one understands the truth, and has come up with a plan. Our liberator, our luminary, she who will bring an end to the Senate, the corrupt council, and will lay low the mongrel children of Vitiate!"
Again the crowd roared.
They chanted Fenn's lover's name.
The general let them vent their rage, nodding, sharing in it.
"The great weapon that we shall build, shall bring an ending to millennia of chaos. The Zakuul will be exterminated, the Senate brought low. The Jedi will be a thing of the past, a whisper in our grand history, and Sith Empire will finally understand what we all know…"
"He is a bit long-winded; I know."
Fenn turned, Avy stood before him clad in her white robes, her hair done up stylishly, pinned by two gold needles.
He frowned, a story from the histories came to him. Another Force-wielder who preferred to wear only white.
As a boy, he had learned tales of the Jedi Master Atris, she who had once sat on the Jedi Council and condemned the Jedi Exile Meetra Surik. She had dressed in all white, a sign of her piety and commitment to the Jedi way.
Like Avy, Atris had been a liar and a traitor. She had hidden from the Sith of her time, hidden and given herself to the dark side. She had planned to introduce Sith doctrine into the Jedi way, to train a generation of Jedi to serve her needs. When Master Surik had returned, she defeated the fallen master, condemned her to exile in her empty temple.
If only it was that easy to deal with Avy, he thought. Alas, she was more powerful, and had more resources, than a misguided fallen Jedi Master.
Fenn held her gaze, the general and crowd fell silent, frozen between the seconds, in that moment Fenn and Avy were the only things moving in the galaxy.
She smiled at him.
"So you are awake, good," she nodded to him in respect.
"I knew you were strong enough to endure the nightmares."
"The nightmares YOU left me in."
She shrugged.
"I need you to understand why what is coming must happen. I can sense the blood on you, my love. You have already begun, haven't you? You see how horrible this wretched galaxy is."
She paced before him; her hands hidden within the sleeves of her robes.
"I want you to understand why I needed the keys. Why this galaxy…needs…ME!"
"Your mouthpiece seems to think so," Fenn said motioning to the general, his face frozen mid-rant.
Avaryss laughed.
"Glasc is a rabid dog, but he is MY rabid dog, every good tyrant needs one. Someone to bark and fire up the mob."
Fenn shook his head.
"Tyrant?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Avy, why? You never wanted to be a tyrant! You were a hero of your people, that is what you wanted."
She sneered at that.
"Heroes…they don't really exist. They're symbols that the powerful use to inspire the mindless horde to obey. I played that role well for a time, for Marr, for Feer, and the Dark Council."
She shook her head.
"In the end, heroes are resented by the rabble, they enjoy watching the rise of someone, but when they realize that they are incapable of following that path, they come to resent their champions. Then they live only to pull the heroes down, they revel in their fall. The pathetic unwashed masses."
The Dark Lord snorted with disgust.
"I've moved beyond those expectations, let them see me as a fallen hero, let them say what they like. Vermin all of them," she spat, "Mundane wretches."
Her anger and contempt shocked him.
He had never seen this side of her.
She met his gaze again, the Force around her rippling with amusement.
"You thought yourself a hero, too, did you not? Now, the galaxy will see you as anything but. You will be hounded for your sins. You are alone, Fenn, and soon…you will realize that only I will accept you. Only in my world will you be able to live without being hunted."
He didn't want to acknowledge that, but…
He frowned.
He knew how the Jedi order responded when a member went rogue, or even was accused of going rogue.
Avy smirked.
"You have no option, Fenn…my dear fallen hero."
She held out her arms.
"Come to me, you will find acceptance at my side, and warmth in my arms. You are mine; you always have been."
He glared at her.
"If I come it will NOT be for comfort," he snarled.
Yet, even that was not enough to disturb her.
She continued to smile.
"Your rage and aggression give you strength, good. Though I can't imagine that you would be so quick to desire my death, especially considering the…present you left within me."
Fenn blinked.
Present?
It took him a moment to wrap his mind around what she had said, but immediately he knew she was not trying to deceive him.
They had never lied to each other, and now, that he was still, he could sense it.
Her smile widened.
"Our passions have done something…incredible, Fenn. We have created the next Dark Lord of the Sith. The next ruler of this galaxy!"
She ran her fingers over her belly.
"Amazing! Such power growing in this shell. A future of stability and order!"
"YOUR order," Fenn said, "YOUR rule!"
She sniffed.
"Who but I am strong enough or wise enough to give this rotten cesspit of a universe what it deserves, the ruler it needs."
Fenn's head spun.
She truly was mad!
Again, she must have picked up on his thoughts, his feelings.
She scowled.
"Do NOT judge me," she hissed, "Not until you have lived the life I've lived."
He glared right back.
"You would condemn our child!"
"Condemn? Our child will rule the galaxy!"
"Does Zay agree with you on that?!"
Avaryss' brow furrowed.
"What does she have to do with this?"
"Everything," Fenn replied, "She is your apprentice and heir is she not? If you have no desire to create an "enlightened" Sith, then isn't she going to try to kill you when the time comes?"
"That is her role, yes."
"And what will happen to our child when you die?"
"Rain will have her first apprentice. She will train the next Lord Avaryss."
"What if she has children of her own by that time, Avy? If she is ruling your empire, will she not want her own blood on the throne?"
Avaryss paused, her brow furrowed in thought.
Fenn could almost hear the processors whirring in her mind. A life of cruelty and paranoia had made his lover cautious. Surely, she would not…
She smiled.
"Well done, my love. You scheme brilliantly, trying to turn me against Rain."
He frowned.
He wasn't trying to manipulate her.
He was trying to get her to see sense.
"If Rain has children, she will need to be watched, but any offspring born of her are an opportunity, not a problem. If our children are of the opposite sex, they can be wed together, Rain's mental powers will enter the Avaryss bloodline. If they are the same gender, I will foster a sense of brotherly, or sisterly, love. They will be raised together, that bond will keep them both in line."
"And if your apprentice disagrees?"
Avaryss shrugged.
"Accidents happen, my dear."
He nodded.
Of course.
"You worry needlessly," she said dismissively, "I'm more than capable of juggling the needs of family and empire, and would be more so with you at my side."
"As I said, Avaryss," he growled, "If I'm coming it is not for comfort. It will be for blood! Justice!"
She laughed.
"Justice? Revenge is such a better word, even thinking about it, makes me want to ask a question. Would you really kill the mother of your child, Fenn? Would you give yourself over to the dark side just to satisfy your bloodlust?"
She sneered.
"In that moment, Jas Dar Bynn's failure will be complete! All the Jedi that looked down their noses at your beloved master will be proven right! Sy Dar Bynn will be proven right. Jas Dar Bynn trained a Sith, not a Jedi. He was a failure as a master, just as his student was a failure at being a Jedi."
Fenn's eyes narrowed, the yellow glow in his eyes intensified.
How dare she speak of Master Jas like that?! She…she…
He blinked.
She…would be right.
He looked down at his feet.
He…he was shaming his master!
He was shaming himself.
Avaryss laughed.
"Oh the horror," she cackled, "Do you see it now, my love. The hopeless nature of this galaxy! You belong to me, and the dark side. You should just accept it. Then you will be able to lash out at those that look down upon you, and best of all, in time, you will not care what they think. You will have power, and power…washes the opinions of the weak and mundane away."
He didn't answer, he…he had no words.
Failure.
Hopeless.
Her expression turned thoughtful.
"You can't win this one, Fenn. Even if I was to die, you would not live to revel in your victory. We were born together, lived together, loved together, and when the time comes, we will die together. I've foreseen it."
Fenn took a shuddering breath.
In that moment, he saw it too.
The two of them laying on a battlefield, having stabbed each other to death, lost in their final embrace.
One death, one of many possible, but always…they met their end together.
Perhaps they always would.
He didn't fear death, but he did fear damnation. He would not enter the Force as he was now. He would be condemned to the madness beyond death. He knew that, and he feared it.
"You do not have to fear damnation. There are ways around it, I promise you," she said, picking up on his fears.
"I can show you," she offered, "Teach you how, and then…you will never need fear that fate again. I can make it so that we are together for eternity, not even death will separate us."
Again, he didn't answer her.
What was left to say?
Avaryss sighed, basking in the sense of hopelessness that had ensnared him. She pulled up her white hood, and removed her crimson featureless mask from her robes.
The face of an empress.
Perhaps her true face.
Again she hid behind that mask, or stood revealed by it.
"Now, you must excuse me, my love. I need to address the mob, and gird them for the battle to come."
Time returned to normal, the roar of the crowd returned. The ranting of the imperial General once again filled his ears.
She stepped past her lover, leaving him in the shadows.
"The galaxy WILL know," the General shouted, "Those that survive the destruction we will unleash will have no choice! ALL SHALL BOW TO DARTH AVARYSS! THEY WILL KNOW THAT THIS WAS DAY ONE! THE FIRST DAY THAT MARKED THE DESTRUCTION OF THE GALAXY AND THE ASCENSION OF THE FIRST GALACTIC EMPIRE!"
The crowd went wild, the general nodded, breathing hard, a hint of a smile on his face.
It was only then that Avaryss stepped up to address her minions, stepped up, and into the real world, her face hidden behind her face plate. Yet, Fenn could sense her excitement, her reveling in the waves of anger and fervor in the crowd.
He could only stand there and watch in horror.
Avaryss came to the podium as the General yielded his place to her.
The crowd continue to cheer and roar, Avy needed to raise her hand, silencing them.
They quieted quickly.
Avaryss leaned forward, her pleasure undeniable, her fingers brushing her belly protectively.
She regarded her soldiers proudly, and only then did she speak.
"My chosen few," she said, "Sons and daughters of the empire. Welcome…to Day One!"
The crowd roared.
HAIL AVARYSS!
FOR THE SITH!
DEATH TO THE GALAXY!
DAY ONE!
DAY ONE!
ALL HAIL AVARYSS!
IOI
Fenn gasped; his heart raced.
Once again, he sat on the rocky outcropping, sat on this unknown world.
He…he shook his head.
Unable to escape the horror.
Avy, he thought with a shiver.
Avy…what have you done!
Yet as he sat there, he found he had no answer.
How could she do this?
How…?
How could he have been so completely wrong about her?
How?
His world spun, and again he felt like he was falling, part of him wished that he had died in his sleep, slain by the scavengers who tried to pick at the bones of his dead friends.
Part of him wished that he had stepped into the fire with the Colonel and the others. He wished he had had the courage to die.
It would be a far better fate than this?
Better than living with realization of how badly he had failed.
How completely deceived he had been.
"Deception is part of the dark side."
The voice cut through his despair, bringing him back to the here and the now.
He looked up, surprised.
The voice…it was no longer in his head; he heard it as clear as the wind whistling through the rocks of this world.
As he watched…she appeared.
He had only glimpsed her once before, but knew it was her.
The blue woman.
She appeared as a woman in her late thirties early forties, her form aglow in a bright blue aura. Her shoulder length blond hair was lightly dusted with grey. She wore an armored leather jacket, with a long red skirt, cut just so to give her legs freedom of movement, long thigh high boots completed the look.
The woman shook her head.
"Death to the Galaxy?" she said, looking upon Fenn for the first time, "Your girlfriend is a real charmer."
Fenn's brow furrowed.
"You are here?" he said.
"I've always been here," she said with a shrug, " I was there when you took your first breath, and your first step. I was there as you grew from childhood to the man you are today. I…I will always be with you. Yet, I was never strong enough to speak directly to you, not until this moment. The Force has finally granted me enough strength to not only whisper in your ear, but to appear to you."
The woman sighed.
"I wish that I had been able to do so sooner."
Fenn could sense her through the Force, even though she was not truly here. What he sensed surprised him.
He sensed regret, regret above all, but also a sense of love and protectiveness that was so intense that it shocked him.
Love and protectiveness…for him.
The woman ran her hand through her blond hair.
"You should have had a life of your own, but I screwed that up too! Because of me, you were bonded to that girl. I…I should have tried harder, tried to reach out to Jas sooner, but…I didn't really understand how, I…heh…I'm no good at this. I never really was, of all the people to go into the Force intact, to remain as I am, or was, why me?"
She sighed.
"I guess I was always destined to be a screw-up."
Fenn's head spun.
He…he didn't understand.
She had caused his connection with Avy?
How did that make sense?
Despite his confusion, he still knew what he had to say. What the woman needed to hear.
He still was a Jedi, or at least trying to be.
The least he could do is offer some comfort.
"Avy chose her own path," he said, "Whatever you did, or did not do, that doesn't change that. She made her choice…"
Fenn looked down at his feet.
"And…so did I."
The spirit was not so easily comforted.
She frowned deeply.
"The girl had at least two strikes against since the day she was born, boy. Born into the empire, connected to its darkest forces without even realizing how or why."
The woman shook her head.
"Even when she was young, the darkness had already sunk its claws deep, it was just waiting until something set her off, unleashed that shadow," The ghost's eyes turned cold, angry.
"It wasn't entirely her fault, but what she has become now, that IS her choice, and you have a choice to make too."
Fenn shook his head.
"I'm trapped here, maybe here is where I should stay, where I won't hurt anyone else."
"You are not as trapped as you think you are. Check your pockets, your Sith friends didn't and that was a big mistake on their part."
Fenn did as he was told, what he found surprised him.
Two items remained on him, missed by Avy and her followers.
The first was Jas' lightsaber, the weapon felt cool and familiar in the young man's hands.
The other item was a beckon-call, the beckon-call for Jas' starship the Knightfire.
Fenn looked upon it with a sense of relief.
So, he wasn't trapped here after all, and with Jas' ship, he would not need to kill to find transport off this rock.
It seemed that Avy didn't know as much as she thought she did, or perhaps she had merely underestimated him.
Regardless, he could leave, but that realization offered a very important question.
Where would he go?
Ane what would become of him now?
He looked up at the Force ghost, this woman he didn't know, but somehow…did.
"Maybe I shouldn't leave," he said, "Maybe I shouldn't even try. I could make things worse for everyone. If…if I fail…if I fall, if I haven't fallen already."
The woman gave him a sad smile.
"The fact that you can still ask that question is proof that you are not lost, not yet," the woman's brow furrowed, "In life, I walked in darkness too…I endured…so much. It nearly drove me mad, almost consumed me."
'What happened?" he asked.
"I found purpose. I served justice, TRUE justice. Between that, and the love and compassion of friends that would not leave my side, no matter how much I tried to drive them away. I found my place in the light again. The shadows never completely left me, but I was not a monster. I was a warrior, one touched by the darkness, but not ruled by it."
The woman reached out, almost as if she wanted to touch his face, but then her hand fell away.
She sighed.
"I wanted so much, and more for you Merrit. I didn't want you to grow up and become like me."
Fenn's brow furrowed.
"Merrit?"
She gave him that sad smile again.
"That was the name I picked for you. I was never able to grant it to you. I was too weak when you came into this galaxy. Jas and his Corellian friend took you. It was the Corellian who named you, and brought you to the Shadowstone clan, and it was Jas who, a few months later came and took you to the Jedi Temple."
Fenn nodded; he digested what he was hearing.
Merrit?
It sounded…right somehow, and perhaps a bit comforting.
Merrit.
Fenn Shadowstone was a failure, a naïve fool. He had been tricked into helping the Sith destroy Survivor Squad. He had let his passions manipulate him.
He had thought he had wanted to die, to end, but perhaps…only a name needed to end here.
Fenn Shadowstone, Avy's innocent pawn would be left behind here, he would burn away with Krys Capistan and the rest of the fallen Survivors.
He could find a new place, a new purpose.
Merrit, he thought.
Why not?
He looked at the woman again, seeing her with new eyes.
She had named him, or wanted to…
"Who are you?" he asked, "Who are you really?"
She smirked at him, that sly smirk he saw in the mirror sometimes.
I have her smile, he thought.
"You know who I am?" she said.
"Probably," he said, "But say the words, please. I…I need to hear them."
The blue woman nodded.
"When I walked the physical world, I was called Mirax Fallenstar," she said, "Your master, my friend, and his wife called me Miri, my friends called me Miri."
A tear ran down her face, he was shocked.
Could a Force spirit cry?
Well, since he was seeing it, he guessed they could.
Mirax Fallenstar sniffled, this was hard for her, but she managed to say the words, the words he needed to hear.
"My friends called me, Miri," she repeated, "You…you can call me…Mom."
He nodded.
Mom, he thought.
My mother.
He took a deep breath and let it out.
The darkness was still a part of him, but he was no longer afraid.
He would find a way back, he would find the light again, and if Avy tried to stop him, he would do what was needed.
He would find his way back.
He would save himself, and the child that was growing within Avy.
He would not leave his child to the dark side.
He would fight.
He would find a way.
He looked at his mother, feeling hope for first time since waking on this world.
He smiled.
"I'm Merrit Fallenstar," he said, letting go of Fenn and all his baggage."
"Hello, Merrit," his mother said, "Now, what will you do, my son?"
He sat up straight, his Sith eyes glowing slightly.
"I need to get off this world," he said triggering his master's beckon-call. Summoning his master's ship.
He remembered the tales he had heard from Jas, the stories he told about Mirax Fallenstar.
Mirax Fallenstar, his mother, had been bounty hunter, a mercenary, and sometimes bodyguard. She had fought for credits and the innocent. How many credits depended on her need and the justness of the cause that she served.
He could do that.
He needed resources, and to think about how he was going to save his child.
This was the start, but first thing was first.
"What will I do, mom," he said smirking back at her.
"I need to find a job…
…it is time to get to work."
TO BE CONCLUDED!
A/N: So ends Fallen Hero, dear readers. Avy, Merrit and the rest will return in the fifth and final Avaryss story. The first chapter of The Mother of Horrors will be up soon. If you have any questions about anything, feel free to shoot me a review. Thanks for reading and until next time…
…May the Force be with you.
DG