-Chapter 2-
A Kingdom Far, Far Away
"Plumber's Log #85. I never thought that I'd be using this log as a diary, but I need some way of keeping track of things. Honestly, even after all these months, it still feels like a dream. Especially when an invitation arrived at our workshop from literal royalty."
Dark Lands
Far across the Mushroom World, in the darkest corners, sat the kingdom of Dark Land, a volcanic wasteland untouched by sunlight. On a mountain of red, jagged rocks, the largest of which bore a draconic face, sat an imposing castle with green roofs and battlements, a similar draconic face above the door. And within this castle, on his throne, sat Bowser, ruler of Dark Land, growling in boredom.
Bowser was a huge, green-shelled monster that could only be described as the unholy offspring of a turtle and a dragon. He had thick, bushy eyebrows and a wild mane of bright, fiery red-orange hair, while his eyes were a bright, blood red. He sported two small horns, many spikes on his shell with brown-orange spike rings, as well as along his tail (minus the spike rings). He wore several spiked collars around his neck and arms, had three claws on each of his massive padded feet, four claw-tipped fingers - including a thumb - on each hand, and his arms were noticeably burly, indicating his vast physical strength. His face was the same green as his shell, while his plastron and muzzle were beige colored, and his tail and limbs were an orange-tinged yellow.
At that moment, the door to his throne room slid open, revealing two bespectacled turtles in wizard robes, one a man in blue, the other a woman in purple. These were his longtime advisors, Kamek and Kammy Koopa.
"Lord Bowser!" Kamek greeted cheerily. "We have come to give the morning report."
"Oh, goody," Bowser deadpanned.
Kamek took out a scroll and unrolled it.
"There was a bit of an uprising in Frappe Snowland-" Bowser perked in interest "-but Fryguy and his forces quickly put it down." He sagged in disappointment. "All of the tributes should be arriving on schedule as requested. Unfortunately, Shifting Sands, the Lake Kingdom, and Tiny-Huge Island have all come up short. We'll see to it that the problem is dealt with."
"So be it," Bowser remarked.
"Additionally, we received word from the scouting party sent to Forever Forest, the ones we sent to establish an alliance with King Boo."
"And?" Bowser asked, motioning the wizard to continue.
"He said he'd 'think about it'," Kammy replied.
"Ugh…" Bowser sighed. "He's gonna make me work for this damned alliance…"
Kamek looked at the scroll and smiled nervously. "And then proceeded to scare the living bejeebus out everyone in the room."
"Yep, knew it."
"Other than that, your forces have taken out some more would-be 'heroes'," Kammy reported. "Their weapons and armor they collected as trophies should be arriving later today."
"Of course. I win," Bowser sighed, annoyed. "I always win."
Kamek blinked. "Uh, sir... is everything alright?"
"Oh, sure…" Bowser said sarcastically. "Everything's fine, Kamek. Thanks for asking."
"Really? Because you seem rather bored with..."
"OF COURSE I'M BORED, YOU IDIOT!" Both Kamek and Kammy flinched as Bowser stood up, pacing. "Every day, it's the same thing. Someone stands up to me, they yack about how I'm an evil monster and how they're going to stop my reign of terror, we rumble for a bit, we steamroll them, everyone freaks out, repeat! It's all so stinkin' routine! When you went on about the Koopa Troop achieving absolute victory, Kamek, I never expected it'd be so damn boring!"
"Well... at least it's a productive boredom, sir," Kamek pointed out.
Bowser let out a frustrated shout before slumping back in his chair.
"For Grambi's sake... Is it too much to ask that somebody in the freakin' Mushroom World can give me something resembling a challenge?"
Meanwhile…
On a boat headed to the Mushroom Kingdom from New Donk…
"Achoo!"
Mario suddenly let out a sneeze.
"Gesundheit," Luigi said politely.
"Grazie (1)," Mario replied.
"Don't worry bro, we're not too far from Toad Town."
Mario nodded. "Kinda odd name for a place in the Mushroom Kingdom."
Luigi shrugged. "I'm more surprised that the princess of the kingdom wants to see us herself."
"You think maybe she needs the pipes cleaned out for a big party?"
"Makes sense," Luigi mused. "We've never done plumbing for royalty before."
Mario grinned. "Maybe the pipes are solid gold!"
"With diamond studded faucet handles!" Luigi declared, going along with it as the brothers shared a laugh.
Toad Town
Eventually, the boat docked at the harbor.
"Here we are," the captain said. "Toad Town."
"Thanks," Mario told him. "Which way to Peach's Castle?"
"It's... not hard to miss, buddy. You'll know it when you see it."
As the bros disembarked, they looked around at all the sights.
"Nothing like this in the big city," Mario mused.
Indeed, it wasn't. Toad Town was much smaller and low-tech than New Donk City, and rather than the human New Donkers, numerous humanoid mushroom creatures roamed about, minding their own business.
"Mushroom... people?" Luigi pondered.
"Oh! That's why it's called Toad Town… toadstools," Mario chuckled. "Guess that makes the princess' servants toadies."
"Shhh!" Luigi hissed. "You might offend someone!"
"Oh come on Luigi, I'm just having a little fun." Mario chuckled a bit. "If anyone would offend these guys, it would be Mary Pat."
That got Luigi to snort a bit. "Oh absolutely. She'd hate it here."
"I can hear her whining and crying about it even... hmm?"
Mario saw some shady-looking turtles with green and red shells, and sunglasses walk into a store, getting a bad feeling.
"Yeah, me too. I bet she'd be begging to go home just looking at-" That was when Luigi saw Mario head over to the shop, eavesdropping. "Mario?"
"Shhh!" Mario shushed. "Over here!"
They listened in as the turtles harassed the shopkeeper, a simple Toad with a blue vest with gold trim, brown shoes, and a large diaper-like piece of clothing for pants.
"Alright, Sporehead, cough it up!" the leader ordered.
"R-right away," the shopkeeper stammered.
He went back, bringing out a bag of money. The leader looked over the cash, counting before scowling.
"Wait a minute... you're short!"
"W-Well, e-everybody here's short," the shopkeep stammered, laughing nervously at the end. "Toads, y'know."
The turtle wasn't amused and slammed the shopkeep's head into the counter. "Don't get smart with me, buddy! You know the deal, four hundred coins a month. You're sixty-four short!"
"F-four hundred?" The Toad was shaking at this point. "B-But last month was two hundred fifty!"
"It's called inflation. Now, you gonna cough up the rest of our dough, or is this gonna get ugly?"
Mario had heard enough. He immediately got up, heading for the door.
"Mario, don't even think about it!" Luigi hissed.
"Never do." Mario kicked the door open. "HEY!"
The Koopa turned to him, scoffing. "Beat it, fatty. This doesn't concern you."
"Sorry, Ma taught me that picking on others smaller than you isn't nice," Mario shot back. "Besides, when some butt-ugly turtle with cheapo sunglasses tries to steal a guy's money and beat him up, it does."
The turtle sputtered at that.
"Cheap?!" one said.
"Butt ugly?!" said another.
"Do you know who we are, fat boy?!" said the third.
"No," Mario replied. "But you know what I hate? Stinking bullies. You wanna see how much?"
The leader scowled, pointing at Mario. "Get him! Show that flabby-ass what happens when you mess with the Koopa Troop!"
One of the Koopas rushed Mario, only for him to dodge by jumping.
"What the?!" the turtle shouted.
"I was top of the class in P.E.," Mario boasted. "Played high school sports, y'know."
He landed on the Koopa, launching him out of his shell and into his flunkies before picking up said shell and spinning it on his finger. He then tossed the shell at the other Koopas, knocking them back like bowling pins.
"Hee-hee!" Mario giggled. "I got it! Wa-hoo! I could do this all day!"
The leader growled in anger. "Don't just stand there! Stop this guy!"
The Koopas all rushed Mario. He ducked one's swipe, punching out another before jumping and stamping on a third's head, shoving it down into his shell.
"You can't make a jackass outta us, pal!" the leader yelled.
"I don't need to. You're doing that perfectly yourself!"
Mario then kicked the shell into the Koopas again, causing it to hit the wall and ricochet off. Mario opened the door as Luigi got out of the way, allowing the Koopa to crash into a wall and slowly slide down.
"Now beat it," Mario ordered.
They all slowly stood up, the leader pointing at him threateningly. "This isn't over, fat man! You'll rue the day you crossed the Koopa Troop!"
"Says you!"
"I mean it! When the Boss learns about this, it's GAME OVER!"
The Koopas all left, one in an undershirt and white shorts with red hearts.
"Wait, guys!" he cried. "I can't find my shell! GUYYYYYYS...!"
Mario watched as they fled. "Jerks."
Luigi was awfully quiet as Mario turned to the shopkeeper, offering him a hand up.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Ummm...?" The shopkeeper looked up at Mario, almost nervously.
"You gonna take my helping hand or not?"
The shopkeeper snapped to attention. "Y-Yes, of course! I-I'm so sorry!"
He took his hand, allowing Mario to pull him up.
"Hey now, take it easy. No need to be nervous. Or apologize."
"Sorry." The shopkeeper pulled at his collar. "I mean-"
Mario just chuckled a little, waving him down.
"Thank you for your help back there, stranger," the shopkeeper said. "Those guys have been robbing every shop in the port for months!"
"No need to thank me," Mario assured. "Just happy to help. I'm Mario, and this is my brother Luigi. And you are?"
"Toad," the shopkeeper replied.
Mario and Luigi exchanged looks at that.
"You're a Toad… and your name is Toad?" Mario questioned.
"Yeah…" Toad rubbed the back of his neck. "My father was pretty dull."
"Apparently," Mario deadpanned.
"Mario!" Luigi admonished.
"Ehhh, it's okay," Toad perked. "Oh! One sec."
Toad headed behind the counter and began rummaging through his shop's cabinet. "Alright, let's see now...where did I put that thing?"
As he searched, the Bros looked around his shop.
"Nice store you have here," Luigi mused.
"Thanks," Toad replied. "Not much, but it puts bread on the table. What about you two? What do you guys do for a living?"
"Plumbing," Mario replied.
Toad snorted. "Yeah, I guess the wrenches and plunger shoulda tipped me off. Guess I'm pretty dull too." He shrugged. "You guys don't look like you're from around here, so... what brings you to Toad Town?"
"Would you believe the princess herself called us?" Luigi asked.
Toad stumbled onto the floor. He sighed in annoyance.
"Of all the flipping clumsy…" He got up. "Hold on, you said you guys were called by Princess Toadstool herself!?"
"Believe me, we're just as shocked," Mario remarked. "She called us here all the way from New Donk City."
"Th-That means you're going to go into the castle! THE Mushroom Castle!"
"Unless the pipes are kept somewhere else..." Luigi said simply.
"You've gotta take me with you!" Toad insisted.
The Bros. exchanged confused looks.
"Please!" Toad pleaded. "I know it's not right to ask this after you saved my spores, but I've ALWAYS wanted to see the inside of Mushroom Castle and see the Princess! You gotta take me with you, please~!"
"Uh…" Mario shrugged. "Sure, I guess."
"Really?!" Toad grinned. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Hold on, Mario!" Luigi objected. "We can't take some random stranger with us!"
"Oh come on, Luigi," Mario insisted. "Look how happy he is!"
"The princess called for plumbers. Only plumbers."
"Not to worry!" Toad reached into his closet and pulled out a tool belt. "Plumber's Assistant Toad, ready and reporting for duty, chief! Let's go torque some pipes!"
The Bros. stared for a moment in surprise at their new friend's enthusiasm.
"Well... that works..." Mario conceded.
"Mamma mia..." Luigi sighed.
Dark Lands
Meanwhile, the Koopas Mario beat up had taken a Warp Pipe back to Bowser's Castle, and were informing the Koopa king of their confrontation.
"So... let me get this straight," Bowser began. "You were about to collect tribute from that nobody shopkeep in Toad Town, when a fat guy in a red hat and suit broke in, beat you up, and sent you running?"
"Yeah!" one Koopa piped up. "And it wasn't no Santa Claus!"
The leader elbowed him. "Shut up, Frank!"
They all cringed, expecting the worst... only for Bowser to smirk slightly.
"Well, things just got a little more interesting."
They perked in surprise.
"Uh... sir?" Frank began. "Forgive my bluntness, but... are you... Happy we got attacked?"
"Not exactly." Bowser rose to his feet. "For so long, it's been dull as dirt. Terrorizing people with impunity, winning all the time without even trying... Whoever this guy is, he just spiced up the game."
They exchanged looks before shrugging.
"Your orders, then?" the leader asked.
"Ready the Airships. We're going to Toad Town... and snagging ourselves a princess in the bargain."
As they headed off to make preparations, Kammy and Kamek were discussing things off to the side.
"A man with a red cap... marked with an M…" Kammy perked. "It couldn't be him... could it? They've been gone for the past twenty-six years!"
"I mean... maybe?" Kamek replied. "We can't know for sure."
"There's one way to find out," Kammy decided. "We need to find this M-man."
"Then we better get to Lord Bowser before he takes off."
Toad Town
As this was going on, the Mario Bros. and Toad headed for Peach's Castle. They looked up at the building, consisting of a tall tower supported by four towers along the outside walls, composed of white bricks with a red roof. On the very front of the castle was a stained glass window depicting an image of who they realized was the princess in profile.
"Yeah, this is definitely a place fit for royalty," Mario noted.
As they headed for the door, Mario immediately began dusting himself off and adjusting his clothes and hair. Luigi did the same, adjusting his hat. Toad attempted to adjust his hat...only to realize it was a part of his head and stopped. Mario then approached the door, using the knocker. It banged once, making a loud, heavy, resonating sound on the large door. They backed up, waiting.
"Okay…" Toad began nervously, "That's... ominous."
The door slowly opened, revealing an elderly Toad with a white mustache wearing pince-nez glasses. He looked them up and down for a minute.
"Super Mario Bros. Plumbing, I presume?" he asked.
"That's us," Mario confirmed. "And this is our plumber's assistant, Toad. He's... relatively new."
"Top of the morning," Toad greeted with a tip of his head.
"Please, do come in. The princess is expecting you."
They were led into the throne room, where on the throne was Princess Peach herself, a young, beautiful human woman with a soft, oval face, large eyes with blue irises framed by six lashes, and thin, dark blonde eyebrows. She had long, flowing, golden-blonde hair that reached past her waist, with both V-shaped and fringed bangs, and two thin sideburns with V-shaped ends framing her face. She wore a floor-length pink gown with puffy sleeves, as well as a high collar, panniers at the waist, and a ruffle at the hem, all colored deep pink, with a sapphire brooch, set in gold on the chest and round earrings of the same color. She wore white evening gloves beyond elbow-length and deep pinkish-red high heels. Finally, her crown was golden, with two rubies and two sapphires.
Mario's jaw dropped at the sight of her, and as they locked eyes, something seemed to click. After a moment or two, Luigi sighed, reaching over and manually closing Mario's jaw.
"I apologize for my big bro," he said politely.
"It… it's alright." Peach shook her head for a moment. "Thank you both for coming on such short notice."
"Right…" Mario shook his head to clear it himself. "So, what do you need us to fix? Sink? Toilet?"
"Actually... I called you here for something else."
Mario and Luigi blinked, exchanging confused looks. Peach sighed, then descended from her throne, approaching a small tea table that had been set up off to the side.
"It's a long story. Please, sit." They did so, taking seats at the table as Peach did the same. Once they were settled, the Princess took a deep breath. "I know this might sound a bit out there, but... I knew you two once. When I was a little girl."
The two brothers looked at each other in surprise.
"W-Wait... what!?" Mario exclaimed.
"Uh…Princess, th-that's not possible," Luigi insisted. "We're not even from this kingdom... or even this world!"
"Yes, Your Highness," Mario added. "We came through a Warp Pipe from our world a couple months ago."
The princess' eyes widened in realization at this. "So... that's what happened to you two."
They turned as Toadsworth entered the room, a small scrapbook in hand. "What the princess said is true. You used to play together as toddlers, right here in this castle. You still have the same hats you wore back then."
"That can't be…" Luigi shook his head. "No way!"
"Wait, Luigi..." Mario began to put the pieces together. "Pa said he found us in the sewers. In the same spot where that Warp Pipe showed up."
"Well yeah, but…" Luigi stood firm. "Th-There's no way!"
"Think about it, bro," Mario insisted. "These hats are the only things we have from our birth parents, and we know they're one of a kind. If the Princess recognizes them, then... maybe this isn't the first time we've fallen through the Warp Zone."
"Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?"
"There are way too many coincidences for it not to be true."
"It's as sound a theory as any," Peach agreed.
"If you need any further proof, look at these," Toadsworth offered, handing them the scrapbook.
Mario opened it and began thumbing through the pages. At the sight of the contents, Luigi could no longer deny it. The scrapbook was stocked with photographs of Princess Peach as a baby... with the bros. themselves as babies playing with her. Mario and Luigi just stared at the photos in shock.
"So it's true…" Mario let out.
"It... I-It can't be!" Luigi insisted. "Th-These things are fake! Th-They have to be fake!"
"I assure you, they are quite real," said Toadsworth.
"Your parents would bring the two of you here about every week to play with me for almost a year," Peach recalled. "But one day, the two of you just... disappeared. It was like you just vanished off the face of the Mushroom World."
"Guess we kinda did," Mario mused.
"But how... why... I don't…" Luigi stammered.
"I'm afraid your parents didn't tell us much before then," Toadsworth said. "But the last time we spoke to them, they commented on how dangerous the Mushroom World was. They likely sent you somewhere in hopes of keeping you safe." With that, his expression turned sorrowful. "It saddens me that I can't exactly blame them, especially after everything that's happened with Bowser."
Luigi perked. "Bowser?"
"Who's Bowser?" Mario asked.
"A monster who has been terrorizing our kingdom for years," Toadsworth explained.
"Bowser is the ruler of the Dark Lands and leader of the Koopa Troop, an evil tribe of turtles who have made it their mission to conquer the Mushroom World," Peach added.
"They're the guys who attacked my store," Toad added. "When Bowser attacks, he has his goons invade a kingdom and forces them to offer him stupidly pricey tributes every month."
"And anyone who doesn't comply, he…" Toadsworth shuddered. "Punishes them severely."
"That's... awful…" Luigi managed.
"I'm glad I beat those guys up," Mario declared.
That got Peach and Toadsworth's attention.
"Pardon?" Peach questioned.
"E-excuse me?" said Toadsworth.
"Some mooks were harassing some innocent citizens, including Toad," Mario replied. "So, I stopped them."
"Oh yeah!" Toad exclaimed, excited. "It was SUPER COOL! They tried to rush Mario, but he just jumped all BOING! Then he stomped one guy out of his shell and launched him into the counter! SLAM! Then he threw the shell at them and sent them flying outside and running for their lives! BLAM! It was AWESOME!"
As Toad talked, Peach and Toadsworth became increasingly horrified. Mostly Toadsworth.
"Well, I don't mean to brag, but-" Mario began.
"YOU FOOL!" Toadsworth screamed, catching them all off-guard. "You interfered with the Koopa Troop's affairs?! Do you realize what you've done?!"
"Oh, no…" Luigi let out meekly.
"What?" Toad questioned. "I-Isn't that a good thing?"
"It most certainly is not!" Toadsworth shouted.
"What are you…?" Mario asked, confused.
"Mario, think for a minute!" Luigi shouted. "You just beat up a bunch of bad guys who work for an even bigger, more powerful, badder bad guy! Now that badder bad guy is going to come here to get even with you for messing with his less bad guys!"
"Luigi's right, Mario," said Peach. "Bowser isn't just powerful, he's vindictive. He'll see this as an attack on his sovereignty and personally come to take you down."
"And everyone else with you!" Toadsworth cried. "You've doomed us all!"
"Uh…" Mario let out, "Sorry?"
"That's all you have to say?!" Toadsworth demanded.
"Oh come on, Toadsworth," Mario said. "If those goons at the pier are anything to go by, he can't be that tough. And I've faced bigger, badder guys in New Donk City. What's the worst that could happen?"
Toadsworth's eye twitched at that. "What… could happen?"
An ominous tune began playing as the sound of propellers echoed in the distance (2).
"Wh-what's that music?" Luigi asked.
"Oh, no…" Peach let out.
"He's here…" Toadsworth realized.
The group headed outside to the balcony and saw an army approaching the castle. Citizens fled as hundreds of turtles like the ones seen at the pier marched outside. Some wore spiky, metal armor. Others wore green and blue helmets and wielded hammers. There were even a few squads of what appeared to be brown mushrooms with fangs and big, bushy eyebrows. But what really caught their attention were the airships. Large, wooden vessels with gargantuan propellers, their hauls brimming with cannons.
"What the…" Mario managed.
"That could happen!" Toadsworth roared.
The incoming army stopped at that. Mario blinked.
"Who are these people?" Luigi asked.
"The Koopa Troop," Toad replied. "This is bad!"
"Seriously?!" Mario exclaimed. "All these soldiers, just because I beat up some crooks?!"
"As I said, Bowser is vindictive," Peach remarked.
"And here he comes!" Toadsworth cried, pointing.
Kamek flew ahead of the ship, gesturing dramatically.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Toads and Toadettes!" he declared. "Presenting the great king of the Koopas and soon-to-be ruler of the Mushroom World! Give a big hand for the indomitable, the indestructible, and the indigestible BOWSER!"
Someone leaped from the front-most airship and onto the ground. It was Bowser, in all his evil, majestic glory. He beat his chest before throwing a fist into the air.
"I RULE!"
Author's Note:
(1): Italian for "thank you."
(2): The Airship theme from Super Mario Bros. 3. And yes, they're playing it from speakers on the ships.
And yeah, this is basically my headcanon; combining the different origins for the Bros. They were born in the Mushroom World, but after the events of the Yoshi's Island prequels and Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time, they were sent down a Warp Pipe to Earth for their safety and were adopted by an Italian-American couple in Brooklyn. Helps that Miyamoto himself has confirmed the original Mario Bros. is set in the New York sewers.
Next chapter begins Mario and Bowser's first confrontation... and thus will begin a tradition that will go on till the end of time.
Voice cast for this chapter:
* Kamek - Jeff Bennett in his Waylon Jeepers voice from Freakazoid!
* Kammy - Susan Silo (Wuya from Xiaolin Showdown, Madame Amberly from Crash Twinsanity, Mireille from Final Fantasy VII Remake)
Please R&R. Until next time!